SHARONNNN!!!

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3:09It's free to sign up, and posting a job is easy. Visit Upwork.com right now and post your job for free. That is Upwork.com to connect with top talent ready to help your business grow. That's U-P-W-O-R-K dot com. Upwork dot com. Sharon! Day of judgment. God is calling on their ears. No. Day of judgment. God is calling on their knees. The war pigs crawling. Welcome to the Football Ramble. It is Wednesday, the 23rd of July. I'm Pete Donaldson. I'm Jim Campbell. And I'm Luke Moore.

3:58Thank you to Friend of the Ramble and Barack Obama's press secretary, Eric Schultz, for giving us another intro line that we replaced at the last minute because we thought we'd give tribute to Ozzy Osbourne. Yes. He sadly died yesterday. He has... Fate has broken his stride. He sadly left his veil of tears. The old cricketer has left the crease for the last time. As a result of that... Edge Baston. Would you like... Yeah, probably would be, wouldn't it? Would you like to do your... I think Jim would agree with me here. Your accurate and actually very touching impression of Aussie for the listeners.

4:29Sharon! That's good. It's very much what our generation... I know who you're meant to be. Exactly. Exactly. I think in the Smithsonian, there should be his sort of jogging bottoms that he used to wear. Yeah. Around about that time on the Osborne's TV show. Give him a wash. We've still got... We've still got Jack Osborne. I'm just saying that because there was always dog shit around the house, wasn't there? There was, yeah. They'd have little dogs. Yeah. Chaotic. But what a legend Ozzy was, though. My God. What a legend. A life well lived. Absolutely. He squeezed a lot of juice out of it, didn't he?

4:59He must certainly did. I mean, good God. Do sign up for the Ramble. We'll get on to the football in a second. If you want to submit an intro line for it to be replaced by us later on, become a friend of the Ramble. Sign up for just$5 a month. You'll also get an extended edition of today's show, where we'll be discussing all kinds of things. probably Ozzy Osbourne related maybe not we've got some we've got some Erling Hutton stuff in there we've got some Discord stuff about people misbehaving their teachers Jim's got some stuff about working titles for films yeah there's loads of stuff it's going to be great actually I'm really looking forward to it I'd rather just get this out of the way so we can do that let's crack on eh hey do we need an easy at this point don't we easy easy easy easy easy easy yes England 2, Italy 1 in the Euros so Wigman has reached every final she's managed in which is an incredible situation at a major tournament Chloe Kelly's 119th minute winner completed the comeback to send England into their third consecutive major tournament final she only came on in the 77th minute is that you Ozzy?

6:07Sharon! well it's been one of the hallmarks of this campaign for England women which is that They bring on subs. Serena Vigman brings on subs a lot later than everyone's crying out for. You start to drive yourself to distraction, and then the subs come on and do their business anyway. I know lions are big cats, but you still only get nine lives, guys, because they cannot keep getting away with this. They are. They are getting away with it. What's so impressive about that is that they always look so calm under pressure. There's never a sense of panic within those moments where they're really up against it.

6:40You can when you've got that deep a squad, though, as well, compared to Italy. Yeah, obviously England were favourites. I looked at the bet before the game, not really many people expected Italy to do something here. But they made a brilliant fist of it. Great goal. And it was a great goal. And Italy showed themselves to be dangerous here and there on the break and stuff. And obviously going a goal down against a team like that, you think, OK, well, if they're good on the break, this could be problematic for us, which it was on occasion. Italy did show flashes of kind of having a second because England were pushing.

7:13Certainly on the brick. But this has kind of typified England's campaign this summer, I think. It's been, you know, they started really slowly against France, couldn't turn it around. They knocked over Wales. They showed a big reaction against Netherlands. But against Sweden as well, they started so poorly. And here again, they gave themselves an incredible amount of work to do, but they did it in the most blockbuster way possible. It was crazy to watch. It is strangely a quite vintage Italian tournament performance so far from England. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, I guess that would be the irony of it.

7:44I think when Michelle Adjeman came on, she is the most clutch player. I cannot believe how much of a clutch player she is. I mean, bear in mind, her goal was like she was calm head, you know, in the penalty area. It's quite a difficult finish because it goes through a defender and a keeper who played really well, by the way. I saw that a couple of outs that gave her player of the match, you know, Giuliani so she had a good game but the moment for me was the amazing effort off the bar from the acute angle I cannot tell you how much I wanted to go in I was watching the replay I put it going in on the side of the bar from there as well it was so near that would have completed a great story as well I mean it was all starting to feel a little bit men's team Slovakia in the round of 16 wasn't it it was kind of like we cannot we've had so many chances we cannot seem to get it through and you see that Jim you said they don't lose their composure I think I would describe it as there's a kind of a narrative, a kind of intangible narrative where they don't know that they're beaten.

8:45They never know they're beaten. I did think they were showing signs through a large part of that second half where it was like they're trying a bit too hard. And Italy, to their immense credit, defended like Trojans, right? They packed the box, exactly what you should do. but it took a moment didn't it which came really fucking late and then England I think probably were always going to have the momentum I guess the caveat to that would just be that they put on so many attacking players at that point we've got half an hour extra time now with basically no defenders so what are we going to do and it came to pass they were starting to sort of rely on that sort of ball where they just put it out wide and whip it in and it wasn't really working for them but when Michelle comes on and she's obviously scored a couple of times in this tournament before and nobody really expects all that much from a player that young coming on.

9:40She just looks so much more kind of relaxed, not relaxed, but just kind of like assured. I think that's being a teenager, isn't it? Genuinely, your risk centre is... Well, exactly. I think you're more prone to take mad risks because your brain is a bit different at that point. Her movement just wasn't running around all that much. she was just like, I'm here, just get the ball to me and I'm going to absolutely rifle it. She's got the ability to link up play, she holds the ball up well, she's obviously a good finisher, she's definitely got the exuberance of youth about her as well. And I think with that, I know what you're saying about particularly towards the end of the game, they're moving the ball out to the wide areas all the time, particularly on the right.

10:19Just because Lucy Bronze has got such quality, she can put the ball in such quality areas. I thought it was an incredibly exciting game. I love the Chloe Kelly celebration as well. The calm down kind of thing. Because the thing about it, so the penalty shootout between England and Sweden has got a lot of criticism, right? And some of it's just been dog whistle, fucking bullshit, sexy stuff. But some of it has been totally justified. You said other things too, Luke. Nothing to do with me. But the quality of the penalty shootout was poor. Now, that's because they've just played 120 minutes of tournament football.

10:53They're all knackered. It's as it is, right? the criticism you'd level at it would be that the penalties just weren't struck that well. And the ones that did go in against Sweden, Russo, Kelly, Bronze, were all struck well. Now, Chloe Kelly steps up in this last minute of this game last night, and she strikes the penalty really well, knowing that if she doesn't score it, she's probably going to have to take another one in a couple of minutes. But it's a brilliantly anticipated save by Giuliani again, who again, said that a good game. But for her to have the composure and reaction to follow up on the rebound, It was like an added layer of drama on top of an already really dramatic thing.

11:30It was amazing. Their celebration will be iconic. That photo of her celebration, given it the calm down, if England win this Euros, that will be the iconic image. She's good at those. I would say after that amount of time, to have that be on your toes to finish off that rebound was a really, really important sign that she's up for the cup. Just absolutely on it. I love the penalty-taking technique. where she sort of kind of lifts her leg that's her signature thing though isn't it when she comes on the field she does that so yeah good stuff I guess that's the thing it wasn't necessarily a badly struck penalty it was just quite a nice height and if the keeper guesses right you've always got a problem I think yeah Giurelli going off for Italy seemed to sort of change the game and in the end it was just the underdogs just couldn't manage to get there there was a moment later on I thought when England brought Hannah Hampton the goalkeeper up and which was a real risk because Olivier there was still like four minutes to go Olivier Oro had been absolutely rinsing them for Piers pretty much more to the match.

12:28And it was just like, my God, that's a risky situation. Hampton's had a good tournament as well. I mean, all the chat before the tournament around Marriott and stuff like that, Hampton's had a good tournament as well. She's been good. Got in for Italy, who had really earned their position that match. What did you feel about the penalty? I felt sad. Well, it's definitely a penalty. I think you'd have to be, I mean, it's difficult, isn't it? They managed to try to get down the, just tried to fuck off at one point. he got dragged back that was the whole drama as well wasn't it because like England I want England to win right so I'm looking for an excuse for a penalty I don't really care at that point but I think it definitely was a penalty I think it was a crazy decision to put that down like that in the box it's never going to be overturned whatever your interpretation of it is and then the manager the Italian manager kind of lost his mind he started to just be laughing you know and then stomped off down the down the tunnel and I guess he was told he had to go back maybe.

13:23You simply have to go back. Yeah. And then there was an amazing passage of, there was an amazing like bit of TV direction where he stomped down the tunnel with his jacket off. He was laughing at the penalty. Yeah. He laughed at the penalty. Came back up with his jacket off. Next shot of him and his jacket on again and then they cut back to him again with his head in his hands with his jacket off again. Do you reckon it was more library footage to Mick? Just bump it up. Yeah. Like in Garth Marenghi's Dark Place where they run out so they have to do it in slow motion for a bit. Yeah, exactly. I mean, it was difficult for us.

13:53I mean, a lot of the players are very emotional, understandably. You know, it's a difficult thing. They clearly knew what their game plan was. They knew they'd be up against it because Ingenau are a better team than them. And to fight for so long, I mean, they've gone over an hour, a goal ahead, defending basically like the Alamo, with little chinks of light in their counter-attacking play, which weren't really executed with that much conviction, to be honest. there was one moment I can remember where Hampton made quite a good double save but they should have scored I mean they should have scored the second one there but other than that I mean it was all England really and England are doing this the hard way right they give us a lot of excitement on the way I mean it's much more enjoyable than the way England got to the men's team got to the final in the last Euros where everyone was just fuming about how fucking boring they were I much prefer it this way exactly yes Wigman will be attempting to win our third straight Euros title as a manager and England will be taking on either Spain or Germany they're going to be playing tonight to find out who's going to be in the final Germany please Germany please Spain look fucking frightening Germany please and for more reaction on England reaching the Euros final get yourself to Upfront our fantastic podcast where Chloe and Rachel will be giving their thoughts on the Lionesses' performance just search Upfront wherever you get your podcast to listen now so gents elsewhere Hugo Iketike has made his move he is going to be joining Liverpool for the princely sum of 79 million puns Yeah.

15:17Not too shoddy. What does that get you these days? I don't know. Hugo Eketike. In yen a lot. Gets you Hugo Eketike. He's agreed a six-year contract with the club, and it's not a bad signing at that price level, you would imagine. On Monday, we didn't talk about, we mentioned him, but we didn't mention the fact that his name's a palindrome. It is, and I've just noticed that, because of what you said. I don't know if it's not either. That's beautiful. Very nice. Does it count as a palindrome if there's a shared T? Yeah, it's definitely a palindrome. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, that's a key part of it, isn't it?

15:48Hang on a second, Jim. Do you know what a palindrome is? No, no, but I thought palindromes would have, you have to have a double T in there. No, no, because it's the same forwards as it is backwards. That's the definition of a palindrome. Oh, yes, it is. Yeah, I'm talking utter shit there. I've gone a bit mad, haven't I? Sorry, everyone. There must be some other palindromic players who've played in the Premier League. I'm trying to think of a couple. There's Oddo. Obviously, he didn't play in the Premier League, though. Oddo is a really simple one. It is. Doodoo? Ezra? Ezra, yeah. Davey Racecar?

16:18Who's Davey Racecar? I just made it up, but racecar's a palindrome, isn't it? Oh, of course, yeah. That's funny, because I didn't get that, because it really doesn't seem like one. But it is one. I thought it was famously one. Anyway. Peter Yerzlub. Good analysis. Peter Yerzlub. Good analysis. It's different in pre-season, isn't it? Yeah, it is, yeah. What's a palindrome? Email in. What are you calling it? Palindrome. I thought you said palindrome. Yeah, I thought of that as well. Enjoy yourselves, lads. He's got it wrong, didn't you? Northern, Northern, can't understand. I think Liverpool's movement in the transfer window this summer has been good, frighteningly good.

16:54I think it makes them, I might have said this on Monday, but I'll repeat it if I did. I think it makes them big favourites. I think, you know, Florian Wurz is one of the world's best players, quite literally, that is a massive coup. And the way they got that deal done really quick is quite intimidating for the rest of the Premier League. Absolutely, and I think it's probably been really helpful in the rest of their transfer negotiations as well, that he just wanted to come so much and that they were happy to just move on it really, really quickly. I think you're right about the fullbacks as well.

17:21Obviously, that's different and sometimes that takes some adjustment because obviously Trent Alexander-Arnold and Andy Robertson have been the stars of their flanks for such a long time. So there might be a little period where Kerkers and Frimpong have to settle in, but they're both really good, really quick technical players and I don't think that period of adjustment is going to be very long. so they're going to be quite different this season as well and we talk about them strengthening from a position of strength but they're going to be I would imagine quite hard to predict certainly with throwing Verts into the mix as well and Ekotike is a funny one because everyone sort of talks about stylistically how he's kind of similar to Izak which is essentially the perfect striker for the Premier League and for that sort of environment now he only got 15 league goals last season I think it was 22 in all comps but he sort of looks just ready to explore.

18:12Yeah, I find him quite an interesting proposition because I said to Andy last week, I'll be concerned about the sample size with him. He's not done it that much for that long and it may well be obviously just now on an improved upward curve and that's fine, but the sample size is small. But then you watch him, I took the time since Andy said, no, this guy's great and here's why. And obviously listen to Andy despite appearances and looked back on a lot of his stuff. And he does look like a really powerful, exciting, quick, positive player who can finish. The other thing about his value to Liverpool will probably be the fact that he's not a super selfish striker either.

18:55His assist level's pretty good as well. And that's, again, a big part of how they play, right? And having Fertz and Salah and one of Gakpo or Diaz, if Diaz stays, which it looks like Liverpool want him to, that is going to be absolutely devastating as a forward line. Totally. In more important news, Peter, I can now confirm, courtesy of someone called Left Hand Lee on Twitter, that Hugo Eketeke is set to be the fifth player with a palindrome surname to play for Liverpool. Oh. After Andrew Hanna, David Hanna, Ozan Kabak, and Shea Ojo. Beautiful. And if you're really interested in a full name, a full first and second name palindromic player for Liverpool, apparently they used to have a youth team player called Leon Noel.

19:39Nice. Very enjoyable. There you go. And as soon as you find out what a palindrome is, we will be able to... We'd like confirmation on that. Yeah, we'd actually be able to figure out what the hell's going on. Well, me and Jim know what it is, but you obviously... Yeah, well... It's Portmantownia Conte all over again. It's not a Portmantown. It's not a Portmantown. Nice reference. Yeah. Just for the real heads there. Speaking of Liverpool, former Liverpool players Robbie Fowler and Harry Kuehl both apply for the India national team job. give them it at the same time. Yeah, so I was really... The original odd couple.

20:09I read that as in they want to do it together. That's not the case now. They go up against each other. I think there may be competing power points going on. Fowler last managed in Saudi Arabia. But before that, he did manage East Bengal in India. And Harry Kiel was out in Japan with Maronos in Japan. Yeah, he's done a bit of stuff though, Harry Kiel. Harry Kiel's definitely more sort of decorated. He was in the final of the Asian Champions League, for crying out loud. It was an interesting firing, that one, because he did quite well. but he just found himself at mid-table in J1 and Jogham's just such a big team so it's quite hard to balance but I want Harry Kuehl to I mean he's sort of managed a couple of times in lower league in Britain obviously but I want him to be better than he actually is I think as a manager because he was such a fucking good player he's not showered himself in an incredible amount of glory as a manager in England either so I mean I can see why he was coaching under Ange with Celtic yeah Was he really?

21:04Oh, fair enough. That's a little Australian link there. A little Australian link there. Exactly. Yeah, he's learnt everything that Ange could have taught him. I can see why you'd want to go and manage out in India, though. I bet it'd be a lovely old job. It'd be the very definition of a lovely old job. Would you... I mean, Robbie Fowler sort of, in my mind, because he is a successful property guy, in my mind I'm sort of thinking... I always get him mixed up with Ian Rush's sort of arguments with scaffolding companies. Ian Rush did an AI protest video towards some kind of scaffolding company, wasn't he?

21:33It was a musical, wasn't it? And it was about an hour and a half long. An AI musical about his struggles with a scaffolding company and a legal system. I think if I was going to do an international job, as in like a lovely old job, as Marcus would say, I'd do what... Thailand. Our friend Paul Watson did and go and just manage in the South Pacific. Right, yeah. Nice. No expectation. Lovely way of life. No one to bother you. Don't even have to have a mobile phone if you don't want one. You don't really need to travel to watch any of the matches. most people will be playing in the domestic league well away games have to do a lot of travelling well that's a good point if you're doing an international I'm not a nightmare there yeah oh yeah what telly in away game against Kiribati next week that's an 18 hour ferry yeah you'd have to go on like really dodgy little sort of sea plains in fact I would say it's the place where you've got the most travelling most of the job is travel right yeah that's a good point I just wouldn't do it I'd send the assistant to the away games yeah I'm staying here I'm staying here with a mango true and that makes it a palindrome is that right of a job a palindrome of a job Absolutely, yeah.

22:33All right, well, coming up after this, Brentford are fucked.

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23:35If you're 45 or older and at average risk, ask your doctor about the Cologuard test. Available by prescription only. Learn more or request a prescription at cologuard.com slash podcast. Hi, I'm Max Rushton, the host of The Guardian Football Weekly. Alongside me, Barry Glendening, my co-host. Hey, Barry. Hello. Now, although every American found us during the World Cup, for the two that didn't, what can they expect? Found us and fell in love with us, Max. They can expect three episodes each week of occasionally insightful analysis covering the Premier League, Champions League and beyond. Football Weekly is back.

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24:47I know it's half time in the tie, but that's an incredible advantage. Do you feel like the job is done? No, I don't feel like the job is done, but it was a good job done. I forgot about that. It's a little ha-ha. Sounds mad. Absolutely adorable. Yes, Brian Boomor has completed his move to Manchester United. United offer an initial 65 million with six million dollars pounds. I can't send dollars. Why can't I send dollars? Pounds in add-ons was accepted last week. Is it because you keep watching the lock-picking lawyer on YouTube? Yeah, he's just absolutely too much lock-picking lawyer. Is he American?

25:20Yes, he is. Yeah, he is. He's from New York. But yes, never see his face. I wonder what his face actually. Just locks. a big face full of locks his mouth is a keyhole a keyhole yes he signed a five year contract with an option for a further 12 months I'm sure they won't be picking that one up because it'll probably be a disaster on Man United so it just means that Kunia and Mbouma will be up top for Manchester United this season not a bad pair of signings but they will ruin them isn't there talk they're going to play they want to play those or Amarim wants to play those two behind the striker so basically effectively a front free one I mean that is that is pretty pretty good if you've got the high fullbacks as well.

25:58That has potential to be really entertaining. I have a theory on this though, which is that players are now recognising that if you move to Man United, have a terrible time, at your next club, you'll have a brilliant time. Yes, that's a good point. So perhaps they're thinking... So that's a stepping stone, more a trampoline. Yeah. So it's almost like when managers would go to Chelsea under Abramovich and know that they'd get loads of money and they wouldn't be judged harshly for being fired. Yes. Isn't it? That's what it feels like. But I mean, listen, and you did the line to the break, Pete, saying Brentford are fucked.

26:28I mean, let's talk about the Brentford side of things because we talk about May United all the time. And, you know, it may or may not work out for Mbwemo. There's talk that they've done a lot of... The cynical side of me says that the PR team are finally potentially kicking into action because the amount of stuff I've read about how well thought out these moves for Kunio and Mbwemo are and justifying them on statistics and data and talking up their head of recruitment and stuff like that is starting to kind of bear fruit, it seems. We know what's happened with Maynard's recruitment in the last few years.

27:01We have no cause to be confident that they're not going to have a nightmare whoever they sign. But we don't know. Mbwema's a good player. His numbers are good. He's capable of providing a lot of different weapons to any team's attack. And he seems to be enthused by the idea of being one of the people who can help put Maynard back up there, right? So that's all good. But on the Brentford side... Well, should I play this little clip? Oh, sure, yeah, go ahead. This one's here, this one's here, this one's here. Everything's for sale. Everything's for sale. Who's that saying that? That's, it's from a documentary that the Manitory Preaches used for one of their songs.

27:31It's worth it. It was worth it, actually. It was worth it. Thank you. Jim, you happy with that? I'm absolutely back. So in the song, yes. You're familiar with the Holy Bible, guys? I want to give people an insight into Pete Comes Into Host. Yeah. We have half a smoked salmon sandwich on his desk. Yeah. Yeah, I might eat the rest of that. Playing whatever, playing whatever audio stuff out he wants. Which he specifically prepared. Yeah. And presumably needed to crowbar in. I've got the full song. No thanks. We haven't got the rights. I know we don't have the rights. Well, we can play that because it's from a documentary.

28:06Is this because we talked about up to and including the Holy Bible on Monday? Yeah, exactly. Oh, I see. He's got it finally. What the list is thinking? He was on the show and he didn't get it. Everything's for sale. That's the point. Brentford, everything's for sale. Jan Wisser has left Brentford's pre-season base in Portugal after speculation about his future it kind of looks like he will be heading away from Brentford and it looks like Newcastle are in the driving seat and I'm pretty happy with that that's a Callum Wilson replacement of men and a hell of an upgrade on that as well because he actually plays and he plays very well he's really versatile he's actually the highest non-penalty goal scorer in the league last season with all 19 of his goals were non-penalties which is actually I think more than Mbumo they were very similar in their numbers But Mbuma got slightly more, so got the headlines and obviously he's a bit younger as well.

28:53But he's got exceptional positioning. He's really, really versatile. And he can play the centre-forward role and the kind of wide-forward role kind of perfectly. So that is a hell of a coup for whoever ends up getting him. If Newcastle can get him, I mean, that makes that forward line pretty devastating, right? Yeah, like Pete says, he's left the pre-season. There's a bunch of clubs after him. It looks like he's going to go. So that means that from Brentford's side of the fence, they've lost their keeper, they've lost their captain, they've lost... The manager. Can they come on to that? They've lost the two most important goals.

29:27They've lost, I think, players that have put on almost 40 goals for them last season between them in Buemo and Visser. And they've lost, most importantly, I think, their manager. I mean, you know, Keith Andrews is an interesting talker and I've always liked his insight when I've seen him on TV. He's clearly worked really hard on coaching and he's come through the ranks and he's been doing this, that and the other and he's been given the big job now. I mean, it's almost a hiding to nothing. It's good news about Hendo though. Well, but I mean, that's genuinely a really vital bit of experience in there and I think the positives for Brentford, they're very good at kind of regenerating essentially, aren't they?

30:07So they've got Kevin Sharder in there who had a really good season which was overshadowed a bit by Wisser and Bouma. And they've still got some good young players in there. Absolutely. They're targeting Omari Hutchinson and they haven't got that over the line yet And obviously that is a step down from either of those two players, but he's young, he's very direct, which to me suggests there's going to be a sort of consistency of style, which is what they've kind of talked up with bringing Andrews in in the first place. And, you know, obviously, I suppose it's very likely that they're not going to have a season comparable to last season.

30:35But I think, you know, as long as they stay in the league this season, that's enough time to recalibrate and kind of, you know, kick on. So I think this is going to be very likely to be a tough season for them. But I'd be surprised if they end up in trouble, to be honest. I think you've got to... Well, it depends how much you trust in what Keith Andrews comes to doing. He's pretty inexperienced. And we don't know yet, do we? And I think the drop-off would need to be extraordinary, wouldn't it? Because there were 31 points clear of relegation last season. Now, last season might have been a bit of an anomaly because the promoter teams were so bad, maybe.

31:04Which I think will be repeated this year, let's face it. Yeah, it could be. But if it's not and it levels itself out, it could be tricky for them. I just you know talking about the way Brentford want to play Jim you know are they realistically going to be able to continue to play like that with Jordan Henson playing for them maybe not but do you not think that this Brentford for the last say five seasons this has been kind of corded into players contracts joining Brentford they joined Brentford because they know that they can show what they can do in the Premier League and if there is a reasonable bid in from a bigger club they always accept because that's kind of join Brentford we are a stepping stone for better or worse and that's kind of corded in isn't it I read I forget who it was now I read someone saying that you know part of the reason that bigger clubs target Brentford players or Brighton players or whatever those types of players is because it's almost stated in their business model this is what they do so realistically for the business model to work a big aspect of it is selling on their best players for a lot of money so they're always going to do it so that comes with its own risks right you have to back yourself to be able to keep finding players, which Brentford, Brighton, Bournemouth, a lot of these types of teams have been able to do.

32:14I would also say that, just to push back a little bit what Jim was saying about whether Brentford will be in trouble or not next season, they were pretty comfortable last season for the reasons we've stated, and a lot of it was to do with the goals of Mbwembe and Visser. But the season before that, they did flirt with it. They weren't that good. They had their worst season since they'd been promoted to the Premier League. They only ended up winning 10 games in the Premier League and they finished 16th. again this spectre at the feast is this promoted team's always just getting relegated which means I'm not I'm not suggesting I want Brentford to get relegated but that's a massive part of it is the idea that the promoted teams seem to go straight back down again so you're fine if you're looking at a bigger sample size it may well be that um it could be trickier for them than we think especially given that Thomas Frank has been so good yeah he's been so good for them and been there for so long as well I think a very interesting factor this as well is Igor Thiago who was brought in to replace Ivan Toni but missed most of the season.

33:06I think he made something like seven appearances. Kind of like a forgotten man. Exactly, yeah. So, I mean, he could turn out really well for them. We don't know yet. But yeah, they're an interesting one to watch next season for sure. Yeah, they've put in a£35 million bid for Ipswich's Omari Hutchinson but that was turned down. I imagine they need bodies at this moment in time so hopefully they get that one over the line. We spoke about the very high valuation of Nicholas Jackson on Monday's show. Manchester United reportedly interested in signing him? Of course they are. It sounds like they're interested in signing anyone who's seen a football goal recently.

33:39Do Chelsea's recruitment team have like a hypnotist in these meetings? It's astonishing the fees they get for players. You have to admire it. It's amazing. And you think Jackson could be a good player, right? I do, yeah. He's not going to go to Napoli or AC Milan. No, he wants to stay in the Premier League, doesn't he? Which is fair enough. I think there's several million reasons for that. Speaking of big team items. Jokerez, he's still not there, Jim. Yeah. Any news? He'd nearly signed on Monday. Yeah. He's apparently more nearly signed now. Good. Eventually it will happen. Arsenal fans have spotted a removal van outside his house.

34:14Of course. Get a job. Get a job. Get a job. Unless you are working in removals in which case, fair enough. You've got a job. That's absolutely fine. Checking out the rivals or perhaps even working for the firm. That's fine. People peering through the van window to see the sat-nav. Where's all this stuff going? Has it gone to the airport? I thought it was a new low when people were flight tracking players. Now it's watching removal firms. Now it's stalking removal companies. Man in a van. Now you're on Waze. Yeah. It's a lovely house. I wouldn't want to move away from that. Do you reckon it... It looks like a proper, like that TV show, Grand Designs.

34:47It looks like a nose house. Yeah, it does look like one of those. Do you reckon, like, the Athletic have a little target of the amount of stories they can get out of any kind of transfer story? Yeah. As you well know, we all here love David Ornstein. Orny, Orny, Orny. Yeah, the ornical. Yeah, the ornical. He's coming out with so many different ways of saying the same thing. He's essentially reporting with a thesaurus. Yeah. Speaking of journalists we love, did you see John Deleuze's piece on the Euros, women's Euros? No, I haven't seen it. I'll bring it back for briefly. The real-time wasters here were England, who on a shapeless and lawless night in Geneva conspired to waste the nation's entire evening before finally doing the thing they were paid to do.

35:28Is he on the cans? What? Yeah, what? What a weird thing. They should have nurses' wages. Jesus Christ, Jonathan. I'm well surprised that someone like Jonathan would write something that weird. Bosh. Yeah, anyway. Sorry, yeah. Back to the signings of the Premier League. Arsenal are also set to confirm. I say also. They're not even saying Giocca yet. Arsenal are set to confirm the signing of Mosquera from Valencia. They've been given permission to fly to Singapore. He has, rather, to join up with Arsenal on their pre-season tour. a little cheeky business class flight to Singapore. Lovely old job.

36:02Yeah, lovely. His signing was leaked when a picture of him doing his media duties was accidentally uploaded to Getty with Nonny Maduake's pictures, which isn't great, is it? Oh. So that one's sort of been accidentally revealed. So Getty, sat-navs. What else are we watching? Flight plans. But also, someone took a photo of him at the airport. Yeah, sure. Oh, you're on holiday. You're allowed to go to the airport. Actually, you know what? Maybe they're on their way back from Victor Jokeres' house. It could be the same person. The photo was in the departure lounge, which you need to be able to pass through security without which you need a boarding pass for that.

36:33People do buy... People legitimately in the airport for that. No, but people do buy boarding passes to get signatures of famous people, I've found. Do they? Yeah, they get boarding... They buy the cheapest flight so they can be on the other side of the boarding. So they're captured, basically. Well, they just stay in the airport all day. They just stay in the airport all day, just picking up... Wow. Did you know that? I didn't. It's horrendous. That's an incredible development. Big problem for wrestlers. Big problem for wrestlers. But yeah, not a bad signing, Jim. Yeah, I mean, he's obviously coming in.

36:58I think he can obviously play full-back and centre-back. Yeah, he doesn't play full-back so much. He's done it a little bit, but you can play on the right side and the left side as a centre-back, which is handy. I don't know what that means for Jakob Kivior, but that might be a way to bring in some money. Signed Christian Mosquera and Christian Norgard, which I think might be a ploy to convince Eza, getting all those Christians in there. Yeah, I think it's good signing because that right centre-back position needs a bit of depth because the cover for there is essentially Ben White and Julian Timber, who are the entirety of the right-back department as well.

37:28So I think it's, people take the piss out of Arsenal for signing too many defenders, but I think it's needed within that unit. I'll take the piss out of Arsenal for anything. Yeah, well, there you go. It's not just defenders. Anything you want at the moment? Who are they going to finish second place to next season? Nor Flanders forever! Yeah. The title challenges, I mean, we say title challenges, our title has said that eight clubs can win the Premier League this season. Well, 20 can win it. Yeah, it's a good point, actually. If you're going to be like that, Mikel. Who's the 12 you think can't now?

37:59Because they all can. Yeah, it's a very good point. Nearly a palindrome. A tetra. Nearly a palindrome. I know nearly a palindrome is not a palindrome. If he was serious about it, but it's not a bad effort. If he was serious about it, he put an extra R on his name. Yeah. Just to make Liverpool's new signing feel welcome. It's a very good point. Can someone get in touch and tell us if there's any other palindromic players still playing in the Premier League now or whether Eketike will be the first or the only one currently plying his trade? Playing at a really high level as well. Yeah, with Ezzer, isn't there?

38:27we know that already oh fuck yeah okay so there's definitely we missed any yeah I'd love to know because we got some correspondence after the break he's the most he's the most expensive and I'll read it out with Gusto because I have no self-respect and I hate myself I mean he's certainly the most expensive palindromic player well it's another can of worms good point speaking of can of worms Steve Bruce he's up next and he's got a bucket hat on

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41:23I'm just saying I could see Steve Bruce eating a can of worms Any can I see, yeah Worms is it As he shoves another one in his mouth Would he then be sort of crying saying it's all I deserve? Oh, you like this, D and Newcastle fans More of a Sean Dyche thing, isn't it? Eating worms He said it A good point, actually Don't give Sean Dyche the credit Don't give him any For eating oxygen Out of the mud Sean Dyche says stuff like that Loads of people With no sense of humour Go oh he's funny isn't he He's not funny He's a fucking idiot To be fair in that situation Someone claimed they saw Sean Dyche do it And he denied it Right I know you don't want me To be fair to Sean Dyche I'm sorry for doing that No the Sean Dyche chat Was that They asked him how he got His gravelly voice And he said he ate earthworms I thought it was I thought someone had said They'd seen him do it Oh right What like just Out and about Yeah Just like Playing with him just in training, saw an earthworm on the pitch.

42:14I'll have a little bit of that. Like a three-year-old. Yeah, essentially, yeah. Or a slightly small bird. Covered in crayon. Absolutely covered in crayon. We got a tweet from Gabby Mackay. We've got several pieces of correspondence, of which this is one. Okay, we got a tweet from Gabby Mackay saying, Did I hear Pete say, Biffy Cloward from Aberdeen, scandalous erasure of Kilmarnock where Sean Longstaff once spent six months on lawn. Hands up. I'd absolutely fuck that. I think they might have been ending their tour in Aberdeen and I've got confused in me noggin. I'm an old man these days. You were interviewing them, right?

42:49And then you shared the video of you interviewing them. I started to think because I started telling them they look like shit because it was funny. I was about to say, did you think it went well? I don't know. I can't remember the rest of it. I just said they look like shit because it was funny. So you were interviewing Biffy Clyro in London? Yeah. And they were playing in Aberdeen at some point? Yes, I presume so, yeah. So you thought they were from Aberdeen? I cribbed your story about, your granddad's story about Averdine being the end of the world. Yeah. Or not the end of the world, specifically.

43:17But you're one of the only people I know where the clarifications for things and your actions make it more confusing than the actual actions. Palindromic. Smiley face also tweeted us, what other food-based football murals would you like to see? Fergie and Wenger sharing a pizza comes to mind. I don't, I don't. Do not upset the Italians further. I don't imagine, I don't remember Wenger actually being a part of that pizza thing. I think it was more the Arsenal players, wasn't it? It was Seth Fabregas, apparently, threw a slice of pizza. It was for Alex Ferguson. Personally, I have to say, I think those two are a bit too big.

43:46I'd like to see sort of Neil Warnock's popping up everywhere he's managed, just overnight. That'd be good. Which would obviously be a big coordinated effort. Like a Banksy type thing. Sean Dyche eating worms, really. Yeah. And the worms could come out. They actually, like, he's looking on the ground, have, like, him on his haunches, on the floor. Like a sort of Anthony Gormley-style sculpture. Yeah. And the worms come up. They sort of figure out a way of making it look like the... How do you make worms come up? It's the rain, isn't it? Because birds sort of pretend that it's raining by stamping on the floor, don't they?

44:16There's a competition, isn't there, every year in some part of the UK where you get given a metre square plot of land. And you've got to make the worms come up. And whoever brings the most worms up wins. Everyone's got these different techniques and stuff. Do you have to sort of do it stripped to the waist? Because I'd be worried that people would have worms on them already. That's a good point. There's plenty of places... If Daishi's turning up, it's in his mouth, isn't it? It's actually totally naked. We know from the chest anal beads scandal that people will try anything. Exactly. So some people are like tapping on the ground like that.

44:43Some people are stamping. Some people are trying to simulate rain. Yeah. And then every time a worm comes up, you get it and put it in your bucket. And whoever's got the most worms at the end wins. That's really upsetting. Like a mass eviction. I don't think the worm... I don't think they get put back afterwards. Right. It's still weird though, isn't it? It's still very important for the soil, of course. Worm bullying. It's a bit of worm bullying. Worm bullying, yeah. In terms of the murals, you know Banksy did that one with the two policemen kissing, didn't he? so maybe you could get Warnock and Allardyce to do it with a little kiss what would you do if your house I mean I guess your terrace house is quite hard but like in front of your house if Banksy suddenly appeared what would you do well I've just had it repointed so I'd be on one level I'd be fairly annoyed I'd be fucking furious it would be really strange why Banksy would choose to do a random terrace house in West Norwood I'm just saying it's all for business I'd be getting I'd be getting I'd be getting some perspex right over the top of it and having a very very fraught conversation with the freeholder why do you want to take a bit of wall out no reason yeah can I make some modifications I think under the kind of quite antiquated property laws of this country I think technically speaking in my situation it would belong to the freeholder that's annoying that's upsetting don't bother me don't bother Jim would you take one again it'd be really difficult council building yeah yeah I'm high up as well so unless he's done it on the side of the building or my front door, there's not really many other places you could do it.

46:03A picture of a Kina Starmer kissing a mouse. Yeah, exactly. Mouse. It's just... Mouse. Now, there's who we need a mural of. Yeah, I don't know how I could actually monetise it in any way, which would obviously be the only thing I'm interested in. So I might just have to enjoy it for the art, which is, you know... I mean, I don't... Obviously, I like all the other people that voted for Brexit. I don't understand modern art. So-called modern art. So-called modern art, yeah. give me a landscape I understand it this is all just a brick isn't it yeah it's making me think etc Lukey yeah doesn't make you think Mark Cucurella oh not again he's back and he said that Chelsea would Cucurella Cucurella Mark Cucurella that rendition there of a song was better than any singing Mark Cucurella's ever done oh okay he did the reason I hate him so much is because him standing up doing that fucking apologetic version of his own song.

46:59Yeah. And wasn't he sort of crouched down for some of it as well, quite confusingly in a sort of new metal way? Yeah. And he also slagged off Erling Haaland. Yeah. Who then went to scored against him. What are you doing that for? He's in the prime of his career. Before you go into it, and as you started this, the running order started this. What would happen is if like every single time he played a game, every player pulled his hair. Because the referee couldn't send everyone off. It happens a lot. Some kind of like, You know like when people are saying now we're not going to pay our Thames Water bill because they can't prosecute all of us?

47:32Yeah. That's something that you've started. I'll be well into it. I'll be well into it. Well into that. What about that bit with Mark Cuccarello's hair? They wouldn't be able to send everyone. So basically, what I'm saying is, if you indulge this thought experiment, Cuccarello's on the pitch for Chelsea. They're playing out in Arsenal, right? Every single Arsenal player systematically, one after another, pulls his hair and gets sent off. Game abandoned. Next game. You could basically completely stop top-plight football in this country just with Mark Cucurella's hair. But did Chelsea not get a 3-0 win every time?

48:04It'd be a constitutional crisis, though. Yeah, it'd be meaningless. No one would value it. It's the Cucurella hair, yeah. Mark Cucurella's hair is the key to stopping football in its entirety. Yeah, but I mean, it's not great prep for an international tournament, is it? For a lot of players. It's a short-term loss for a long-term game. So they'd win the league, they'd qualify for the Champions League, but they'd have probably played like two or three minutes of football in each game. We have no idea if we're any good or not. We have no idea what sort of team we are. And all the Champions League teams do it as well.

48:37Look, it's a fitting way for a Club World Cup winning side to spend their time. Would you be up? Are you for or against it? I'd quite like it as a spectacle, but it would make this shot very difficult. Well, we've been the same thing every week. Which it's already been for years. And there will be teams out there who aren't playing Chelsea that week, who are playing other games. Yeah, it's a good point. I forgot about other matches. Chelsea would win the league, as you said, because they'd get forfeited, they'd win every single game, whenever it's 2 or 3-0. Presumably after two or three times, they'd all just kind of, firstly, they'd either drop Cucurea, or they'd all just shield him.

49:12Yeah, maybe his hair would fall out, and they wouldn't have the option anymore. Man City would lose their points total record. That's an interesting kind of suggestion for a new rule, isn't it? each team is designated one player where you're allowed to foul them. All right, yeah, yeah. I want to take a career. And he's dressed like a hockey keeper. Imagine that would be a big plot twist at the end of the season. He shaved his head. Yeah. I genuinely think if he shaved his head, I'd like him. I don't think his nose can hold no hair. I think it's too distracting. His nose? Yeah, I just think large nose players like me.

49:44You're so confused. I just think you need longer hair. So is your moustache accentuating your nose or not? It's just distracting from it, I think. Are you claiming to have a large nose? Yeah, my nose is getting into the... With the moustache, you're attracting the gaze to the area of the face, though. No, it's not. It's going, hey, look, it's the Barack Obama did a crime don't look at the list thing, isn't it? I'm thinking about the last thing I want to look at is your moustache. So therefore, I'm more likely to look at your nose. Just kiss me and shut up, yeah? Yes, apparently Chelsea were told they weren't allowed to lift the Club World Cup while Donald Trump was on stage and Kukurea said, we were all waiting for them to leave, but the guy didn't want to leave and I wondered who would say anything to him.

50:20I was scared shitless. So another, more grist for your mill. Why are you scared, Don Trump? I think there's a lot of good reasons, aren't there, as a foreigner in the US? The backup trophy, the first still being in the Oval Office, of course, has now landed back in England and is on display at Stamford Bridge. So enjoy that as you would enjoy any copy of a copy. Yeah. I vouch for the fact that I'm hosting this show. Marcus Beller is still loose about the hoose after the heat. He's backstage at Oasis. He's still backstage at Oasis. bothering people. Eating up all the food on the trays there. And also a few leftover pingers.

51:00Sneaking onto the private jets in the Manchester private airspace. Waving Marcus Rashford on the tarmac. Hello. I see you. Yes, former Villa Majesty Bruce was spotted wearing a bucket hat at the latest Oasis gig in Heaton Park. It wasn't a bad little spot, really. a lovely little photograph of Michael Carrick double fisting a couple of pints as well. The country is healing. I know. Do you reckon that even rich footballers wince at like a pricey gig pint? They go, oh, that's a bit much. Nah. You reckon? Nah. It's just like water off a duck's back. I heard someone once say, someone wealthy once say, that they do it in tears the wealthier they got.

51:38So basically they would get to a point where they wouldn't have to worry about buying something in the hundreds of pounds. Yeah. Because it would never meaningfully affect their... their bottom line right yeah I think it was when it got into the thousands they were like I need to think about this so there's no way they're worried about a pint no way and I also find it odd that Steve Bruce and Michael Carrick are on the lash together why are they friends yeah maybe it's a major connection isn't it yeah but I mean what Steve Bruce played main like years before Carrick yeah but wasn't Bruce in the coaching set up for a while when Carrick would have been I don't know Alex Bruce is a possibility I suppose because he was there he's in the photo as well he was yeah he was and there's a bloke really looks like Sam Diss there as well you know Sam from Monday O really looks like him with his arm around Steve Bruce I don't think it is him but I think it's fine for Stevie Bruce to be enjoying himself isn't it I mean in the 90s when the Oasis were in their heyday Bruce he was playing for United probably would have been great times the enemy surely would have been great times though wouldn't it it would have been it would have been and well Marcus will be back pretty soon to host this foul jamboree as you would call it Luke can I also say that Stevie looks like he's lost a bit of weight as well so good on him good on him good Nick God bless the pick the Ozempic thank you for listening to the Football Ramble part of the ACAST Creator Network Patreon subscribers do not go anywhere keep listening for Ramble on cut cut cut cut imagine what you've just listened to there imagine the poor quality uncut's going to be after this am I talking about Patrick Bamford yes Patreon subscribers will go anywhere if you're not a Patreon subscriber sign up to get Ramble Uncut right now every single Wednesday head on over to patreon.com forward slash football ramble now do you want to finish with your Aussie Osborne again Sharon oh he wanted to do it like he was singing you always did like Fred Flintstone Sharon you've got Fred Flintstone saying Wilma do it again Sharon Sharon Sharon Sharon in 45 minutes have you forgotten how to do it it's tonal it's like pain

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