Speller's stinky bangers

0:00Oh hello everybody, welcome to the Football Ramble! Phil Foden's back and Dan Byrne scored a peach. It's Thursday 6th November, I'm Mark Spell. I'm Luke Moore.

0:24Welcome one and all. He's from Blythe. Oi, oi, oi, oi. You'll never ever beat Dan Byrne. He's from Blythe. No, Marcus, you're not hosting the show. We're singing songs about Dan Byrne today. He's got an Adidas Predator head. He's got a Klingon head. He's like War from Star Trek. Oh, Pete Donaldson. Oh, I love it. I love it. Was that better than Mickey Van Der Ven's goal? Well, I mean, Van Der Ven scoring like Messi on Tuesday, Dan Burns, James McAvoy in that shit on Wednesday. It doesn't get any better for the centre-backs. It doesn't get any better for the defenders. Oh, fantastic. We laid down the gauntlet to him yesterday on the show, because he was saying that Newcastle need to be uglier.

1:08and we said, well, can he replicate what Van der Ven did? We thought it was unlikely. The answer is no. No, he can't do that. He just progressed past the halfway line as a left back. He did it in his own unique way. Should we start there then? No, you should start wherever you want. I just got excited. I think Pete's decided where we're starting, hasn't he? Running ought to be damned. All right, let's turn. Running ought to be damned. That's what I said. Let's tear up the script, Peter. We're going to start with New Calcio United 2. Athletic club, sporting Bilbao nil. Be the change you want to be in life.

1:46Just start singing Danburn songs and people will come along with you. Oh, athletic club to Bilbao. You only do homegrown players. I've summoned that from our homegrown players, slugs. Yes. Stuff your injuries. The rest of them are from Brazil and Germany and Italy, but it's okay. Our homegrown play is better than all yours put together. Exactly. That's what that header said to me. If you haven't seen Dan Burns go, what are you doing with your life? Just imagine this. I love the fact he drifts off to the back post as the free kick comes swinging in. People are a bit like, Dan Burns go in. He'll be fine.

2:24He can't cause any trouble. Yeah, they basically looked after Dan Burns as well as a bunch of prison wardens who looked after prisoners in the UK this week. Go where you want. We'll work it out later. we'll see David Lammy explaining Dan Byrne's freedom of the in the comments tomorrow all of them wearing black and white stripes but Dan Byrne he found himself in a great position still a lot to do with the header and then it appears that he's got this special move he can transform his head into David Beckham's Adidas Predator wearing right boot and that's exactly what he did it's a Roberto Carlos banana header We're used to seeing players wide forwards cut inside and curl away into the far post, but none of them are doing it with their bonds.

3:07I'll tell you what. I thought I'd seen just about everything. It was fantastic. It was extraordinary. It was extraordinary, Des. What a header. What a header. But all in all, a continuation of how they played against West Ham, but inexplicably won against a rather damaged Bilbao side. Because Bilbao looks so small compared to them all. Newcastle look fucking gigantic Brasso said to me on WhatsApp he said that because he was at the game last night he said someone from the Bilbao like backroom staff one of them said to Andy apparently this lot are fucking massive like an under nines team like an under fifteens team or something Volta Marder, Joel Linton, Dan Byrne it was nice because I always on the rare occasion that Newcastle play like a friend against Bilbao they do share a rare friendship built on a match in like 1994 after a UEFA Cup fixture.

4:02Oh, I didn't know that. A supporter got stuck in Newcastle and he stayed with a family, a Newcastle family. And when they came back for the second leg, the Bilbao, when they went away for the second leg, the Bilbao supporters welcomed the Newcastle supporters in because of that lovely family who took in a Bilbao fan. That's despite them having Sunderland colours, Peter. Exactly, yeah. I think Sunderland also claim a kinship with them because of the colours. But yeah, I mean, last season, Newcastle's strength was like playing in little triangles and in a really small space. And then like, you know, breaking the offside trap for ease at the score.

4:38They cannot even pass two metres at the moment. They look absolutely turgid. So swing the ball into the big man then. So swing the ball into the big man. They seem to be sort of relying on that sort of thing. Obviously, the other goal was scored by a header as well. but Anthony Gordon going off injured has to be a bit of a blessing in disguise. He has not had a great start to the season. Do you think he'll be thinking like that? I think he probably just wants a bit of a rest. But he's done some of his best work in the Champions League, hasn't he? Yeah, I think you had to kind of play him because he scored the goals that he scored in the Champions League but he was once again just could not keep hold of the ball.

5:14Like a lot of Newcastle United players, I think we spoke about on the mailbag, you know a lot of love that obviously Sandra Tarly has got at the moment because he's a good player an excellent player playing in a very disjointed side and he's doing the basics right and he kind of stands out as a number six who can play a bit of football because the rest of the side and it's been going on since like just before the cup final as well they're just not turning in any kind of performances but with a depleted Bilbao side they got through there in the sixth in the table so you can't really complain maybe they're sort of concentrating on the Champions League this season I think the physicality was a big difference, wasn't it?

5:50Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. They really were bullied. I expected more from a side who are officially called Athletic Club. They should be more athletic. They should be more athletic, yes. Exactly, yeah. No, they should be. With regard to what you're saying, Pete, with how Newcastle play, because they have been a bit disjointed this season, certainly in the Premier League, it does look like, as I say, when you win the League Cup and you have that celebration like they did, Howell's thinking, people are prioritising the Premier League. I'm prioritising the Cups. I want more of that. Maybe they are, yeah.

6:21Imagine if we won the FA Cup, for example. But I do actually think, listening to a few pundits and reading a few things about Newcastle, there does seem to be a sense, and you might say, well, that's all a bit convenient, but there does seem to be a little sense that Nick Voltemada is actually the perfect striker. In fact, maybe at times a better fit than, say, Isak in this Newcastle side. Because he's quite tidy. I mean, Vish and I were likening him to Roberto Firmino the other week. Even if he's not scoring, he's linking the play. He's knocking the ball about. I agree with that. I think it's perhaps a little bit childish to say that at this stage.

7:01Because obviously, Valtomar's got four Premier League goals under his belt. And Isak was very, very prolific the last two seasons. As I say, a convenient sort of opinion to have at the moment. I get that totally. Totally. But I do understand the appeal of that opinion. I think he does seem to slot in a lot more naturally, maybe. But I think it's also been exacerbated by the trials and tribulations, some of which have been self-inflicted, that he's actually going through at the moment as well. It kind of makes it look like he's almost all. I can't believe he got rid of him because look at the state of him.

7:32And now we've got this fellow in and we saved out X amount of money. So I totally get that. I do think it's a bit early to say, though. Peter, Eddie Howe called the win an important response to West Ham, and he was right, because that was pretty diabolical. But this game... The way he said it is like he's calling out West Ham. What, you figured out West Ham? Yeah, we can do that. Yeah, exactly. We've all won a European trophy, Eddie. We've all won trophies in the last couple of years. Okay. Look, I think it was the right response. I mean, not too dissimilar to Spurs. You know, Nadine did a response after the Chelsea game.

8:10They got it. And Newcastle, this was perhaps, you know, maybe they weren't fizzing and scintillating in periods of the game, but that didn't matter. I think just a solid, fairly calm 2-0 win, I think that will absolutely do because these games, you know, Athletic Club, they're not brilliant at the moment. They're kind of mid-table in the Liga. But how many times have the Champions... There's still a Liga side, aren't there? Exactly, there's still a side who know how to play. I mean, they were OK beaten by Ruben Aberim's Man United last season, but they still got to the semi-final of the Europa League.

8:41They're no chumps in European competition. So I think this was, yeah, OK, you'd rather it be 4-0 and absolutely blinding football, but that seems to be unlikely when you mention about Gordon needing a rest. Bruno Gimareg apparently played, suffering from a little bit of illness. But Newcastle have looked a little bit leggy. so I think a solid calm no-nonsense Champions League win I think you can't really complain there if that was if that was the case I would be fine but they did have a lot of chances Bilbao Nick Pope was very very involved so they weren't they weren't prime chances but there were a lot of they did he had a lot of there was a shot from distance which Pope saved well there was about three or four in the last sort of 20 minutes they had more shots on target than Newcastle did five to four apparently yeah I mean I mean the highlight for me was very much straight after, like about three seconds after Joe Linton scored his header, Valverde, the manager at Bilbao, having trouble with a bottle cap.

9:38He could not, he was trying to get water in his mouth and the little bottle caps kept flicking him in the face and he's like, oh, get it off, get it off. Oh, you think it's bad with 2-0 down? How bad would it be if the manager dehydrates to death on the touchline? Think about me. Surely if you've got a bottle by the pitcher or on the terraces or whatever, they should be taking the cap off for him. Yeah, the problem is now Now, you guys, look, and I understand why I'm totally sympathetic to the reasons why, but the caps are now attached to the bottle themselves, aren't they? It's a real problem.

10:07So it's hard to take them off. And I think that causes certain logistical problems for men of a certain age, of which I am one. Well, he should have a drinks bottle then. He should have. Give him a straw. Give him one of those drinks bottles with a straw. He can have my son's Pokemon one if he wants. Charging. Do charging. All right, then. Let's turn our attention to what happened in Azerbaijan last night. Carabag 2, Chelsea 2. hmm it's a long way to go to have quite an average time it's not the longest way to go but it is a long way to go Luke there's no doubt about that again Luke Chelsea they show little bits and pieces ultimately slightly disappointing and some of the same old things with Chelsea a bit of inexperience a bit of inconsistency despite the quality they have yeah I think I would just add though that Carabag have been a little bit underrated some positive results in the Champions League this season they're managed by Kerban Kerbanov which is pleasing he's been there for a long time old Kerban he has and they had their moments you know Chelsea went a goal ahead for those who didn't see this game Chelsea went a goal ahead and then Karabakh had this amazing passage of play where they scored a brilliant a brilliant reaction by Andrade to score I mean it's a great passage of play ball comes back off the post from Duran and Andrade reacts on the volley to put it in the back of the net.

11:33Duran was unfortunate to score actually with it, but nevertheless, they equalised. And then essentially, Jarrell Harto had a beast, an absolute beast in 15 minutes where he was burnt up for fun for the first goal and then he concedes a penalty, which perhaps in years gone by would have been seen as quite unfortunate, but in the way the modern laws of the game are, is a penalty. And then Carabag fired themselves 2-1 ahead and then Chelsea have got to claw their way back in. I thought Esteval was really good for Chelsea. I think he's going to be an absolute world-beater because his quality at his age is just unbelievable.

12:09He's got that quality. He's not as good as Lamin-Jumel, but let me make a comparison in one small way, which is that he's got quality that's so good it makes you forget his age. Yeah, totally. And that's really telling of a player, particularly an attacking player. So 18 years old and he looked bright as a button when he came on against Spurs as well. Look, Chelsea didn't need to be very good against Spurs. We talked about that earlier in the week. Karabag are a team who seemed to me, I saw a bit of them against Benfica as well, a game which they won. They're able to put together periods of play, even against good teams, where they can really make an impact.

12:43And they did that last night. Chelsea looked a little bit disjointed. Chelsea looked a little bit leggy. Well, Mareska said about the Club World Cup. Yeah, Mareska did say that. And, you know, fine. I mean, that might be a convenient figure, it might be true, who knows? I mean, players do play a lot of football these days. But I think that actually the way that the Champions League season has transpired so far, I don't actually think an away draw at Carabag is too bad. I don't think it's terrible, no. So I don't think they can be, they don't have to be navel-gazing about it. I mean, Harto will be disappointed with his performance for sure.

13:18I thought Caicedo was different gravy when he came on. He's absolute granule. He's so good at Caicedo. He is, I don't know, it's probably a bit of a fool's errand to be talking about the best midfield players in the world because there's so many different types of them and different systems and stuff. But I mean, he's in the conversation. I mean, he came on in this game. Obviously, Mureska wants to rest him because he plays a lot. He just looked a million times better than every other player. He was so good. Do you remember when they first signed him and people said all that money and he's not really cutting the mustard, He's not really doing too much.

13:55And he's grown into it. It is a reminder for those who are, you know, thinking, you know, Florian Verts is done at Liverpool or whatever. You know, it sometimes does take a little bit of time. And there's no doubt about it, Chelsea have, for all that money they paid. Because you're also buying potential. The big transfers nowadays, back in the day, it used to be guys in their mid to late 20s. Nowadays, you're buying that potential as well. and also that youthful exuberance who the players that can press all day long and they could run, you know, for fun, essentially. He's still improving, which is the frightening prospect.

14:31You know, he's absolutely magnificent. I think if you go, if you look at... I haven't seen Kasey every single game this season, of course, but you look at the performances he's put in this season. If you go up against... Obviously, he plays in the two in front of the back four, usually with Fernandes, but obviously there are other options there for Chelsea. but if you go two versus two with him in midfield, he'll eat you alive. The only performance I can think of where he's not quite been top quality, weirdly enough, was against Sunderland, where Sunderland just packed in midfield. They played like five and a four across.

15:06They were quite narrow, and he found it tough. But other than that, he's brilliant, and he was a real asset to them when he came on, as you'd expect. It was also interesting to see Liam Dillap come on as well. and have another run out. Yeah, really good to see him back. You mentioned about Chelsea and Maresca saying, well, I mentioned it, that he invoked the Club World Cup card, which I heard one or two people say about PSG when they lost to Bayern. And fair enough, probably still is, you know, they had a full-on summer. Chelsea, the changes to their starting lineups in all competitions this season far outweigh anybody else in the Premier League.

15:46So of all the Premier League clubs in all competitions, if you're still with me there, Chelsea have made 85 changes already this season to their starting line-up. Liverpool, the next side with 69. So it shows you that, you know, because the next side is Arsenal 67, Brentford 66. So it's all kind of similar. Fulham 66, you know, you've got a pack of clubs in there in the kind of 60-odd changes. So that's not too dissimilar. But Chelsea with 85 changes, I don't know what that suggests to me. It could be that Maresca's thinking, you know, we're tired, we need to just rotate as much as possible. Or he doesn't really know who his best team is.

16:28They're such a baffling side at the moment because you know they've got quality, they've got performances in them. I think they're doing okay in the Champions League so far this season. But I saw them against Benfica, for example. They were pretty pedestrian against a pretty poor Benfica side. I know Mourinho was there. So I, and then you see them against Spurs, should have put them away, only win 1-0, okay. So it's a bit of a mixed bag. And yet, like I've said, they'll probably end up qualifying again for the Champions League, winning a trophy. You know, it's the Chelsea way. It's kind of a bad.

16:59The good news is they're playing Wolves at home next time. I'll probably draw that. Sort yourselves out. So yeah, a bit of a funny one with Chelsea. I still don't quite know what to think. I thought we would maybe know a bit more about them, Maresca having a season under his belt. But, you know, still alive very much. And as you mentioned, look, I don't think a draw is terrible. One thing, Peter, about the Carabaug home support that I noticed, a lot of phones in the air. Like they were at a concert. Yeah, there was a lot of lights, weren't there? Right, like a Coldplay concert. Yeah, it was. You could choose Coldplay if you want.

17:35Right. Well, if they were in... Could have had you two. with the little bands that you wear around the wrist, isn't it? Remember they famously had the kind of things that would sync up with the music that they were playing? No, this is very much... As if to distract from what they were actually playing. This is just very much people have just turned their lights on their phones, their torches. Okay, nice. Well, maybe we should do a bit more of that. Maybe we could have a little T4, like a Chinese drone display, like a Chinese firework drone display. That would be amazing. Some people, yeah, we make little faces and stuff.

18:04You can't confiscate light at the door, can you? So you may bring in an offensive T4 and have it confiscated, but you can't confiscate a mobile phone like, can you? No, I also think it would be a nice touch to have those wristbands and then when your team completes a pass, they flash up green. If they score a goal, it's a big rainbow wristband. And if they can see it, it goes red or something. That would be good. Oh, you could flash out Morse offensive chance. Yeah, good. Stuff about the war on that. For the deaf viewers, you can feel part of it. can enjoy the nonsense. Yeah. Coming up after this, Phil Foden sends a big old message to Thomas Tuchel.

18:52Just going back to Donnarumma, what does he give you that you didn't have? He's so tall. That gives us, he's so huge. Welcome back to the Football Ramble, everybody. I mean, Pep Guardiola is right. he's a monster of a man in goal. Could he just be close up rather than... Could he just be too close? Does he just not respect personal space maybe? It's not how height works, is it, Peter? No, it's not height. That time when I... We wouldn't know, Marcus. We simply wouldn't know, my friend. That time, Peter, when we were at the bar in that indie club and I leant in for the kill and you went, oh, you're shorter than I thought.

19:29And I went off with my tail between my legs, quite frankly. Anyway, we don't have time for that. And then you noticed that Pete had his platform shoes on. Simon Cowell built up Cubans Bring back the Bay City role as I say If we can have flared Skate pants, why can't I have Massive platformed etnies with them Nobody's talking you out of it Other than yourself No, I'll do it and then you'll take the mick like usual I'll express myself with my clothes And you very much do And we champion you You naughty bastard Anyway, Manchester City 4 Borussia Dortmund 1 Phil Foden he's back come on I'll tell you what as well and it's a measure of the quality of the man's output of how good that selfie was that he took with the fan I mean it's a quality piece of work that photo 40 yes I mean I want to see people tweeting grabbing someone's phone posting to social media I don't just want a selfie I want people actually posting that picture so he celebrates the goal by tweeting on a fan's phone release the Epstein files Trump or something like that Yeah, exactly.

20:35I had to bring in wrestling again, but there was a wrestler who, during the middle of a match, picked up a fan's phone. It was all at work. It was his friend's phone. And he basically tweeted, bod at work, lol. Carried on with the match.

20:50I'm going to have to say this because if anybody has seen this selfie and does see it, it's surely going to make the same observation as me. You look at the guy who is next to Phil Foden and you go, that can't be his arm around Phil Foden. Oh no, it's another bloke's arm. Okay. Yeah, another bloke behind him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some excellent teeth on display as well, by the way. It's a very good quality photo. That's what I really wanted to emphasise. Is that guy just a fan or does he know Phil Foden? Because they look very much in perfect harmony. I think he's just a fan. I think he had a half and half scarf on.

21:21Oh, he does? I think he just picked him at random. Yeah. I don't know of any link between them, but it was great. I mean, listen, Foden was good. He has been good here and there this season, hasn't he? He's kind of fearing his way back. But I would say that, you know, if you look at the scoreline here and you look at, you know, what tends to happen with Manchester City home games in the Champions League, you think, oh, this is an open shut case, right? Actually, Dortmund had some moments. Dortmund had passages of play that were actually pretty decent and obviously scored. We're unlucky not to score more than once.

21:56and Cherky putting the cherry on top at the end was also kind of interesting because I think he's a really he's a great player, Cherky great creative player interesting to see him at City for the reasons that people have said before but he actually had two or three opportunities before that to play Haaland in to they were really kind of obvious through balls Haaland making the runs he makes and everyone being frightened of him so he gets loads of space and Cherky just kept overplaying it and then he nips in, looks like he misses another chance to put someone in, but then scores. That was a real kind of massaging of Jerky's performance, I thought.

22:33I think he's still getting up to speed. Well, when you say about people making the comments they did when he signed for them, actually, I remember Vish and agreeing with him that I wasn't sure he was the type of player. Quite, but that's exactly what I'm alluding to. Right, OK, so that Pep would have wanted. And you're right, even with the goal, I thought, you know, pass the ball earlier. But then again, with the spirit of Mickey van der Ven hovering over all of this Champions League week. He thought, no, I'm going to bloody well go myself. And fair play, he scored. But it was all about Phil Foden.

23:02I mean, okay, Haaland crashed one in and he will do that. But Foden, just lovely, lovely to see that classic Phil Foden move where he picks the ball up, just right of the centre of the pitch in an attacking sense, opens the body and just wafts it into the corner. You kind of know what he's going to do, but you want him to do it. It really is superb because we know last season wasn't his best. Bearing in mind, he was the player of the season before that. We know what highs he can hit, of course. He's mentioned off-field stuff that has been a bit of a challenge and distraction, whatever that may be.

23:43And we don't seek to know what that is, of course. But for him to do this, and Guardiola pretty much said, didn't he? Phil's back. That's pretty much what he was saying in some of his quotes. He said back to his best form and he even touted him for a return to the England squad. And I'll tell you something, Pete Donaldson, this is bad news for Jude Bellingham. Pep did say that in his position there are a lot, but Thomas knows perfectly how good Phil is. Which is a lovely phrase that you could say in any accountancy firm. Thomas knows how good Phil is at the taxes. He just knows. it always comes back to taxes with Pete he's like Trump the projection Pete goes through on the show with taxes it's looming large the January 30th cut off is looming large in my mind but yeah it was great but the worst thing for me was seeing Rodri on the sidelines wearing a woolly hat injured again with a hamstring I know ACLs can cause other issues but with a bad hamstring sat on the sidelines as well.

24:51Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah, wearing a woolly hat. I thought that's what you were getting at, Peter, that in a mild evening you shouldn't be doing that. No, put the hat on your legs. Put the hat on your ACL, I would say. I feel like I'm the jacket police when it's a mild evening and people wearing these massive bits and I'm like, I always wanted to say to them, you're mugging yourself off because when it turns really cold have you got one double as thick as that because I bet you haven't. Marcus, what people do is they say to themselves in the morning when they're out to get ready for work, they just say to themselves, it's November now.

25:18Yeah. They look at the temperature. It's November, so I'm wearing a coat. You don't always need to. It's important to remember that. And Rodri should know better. Mind you, Rodri is from Spain, of course. He's used to far more mild temperatures, so maybe he feels it more keenly than the rest of us. When is he going to integrate, is what I've said. Exactly. He's wearing wall and guns. I'd say that's an integration enough, isn't it? Imagine that after the game. After the game, the TNT sports interviewer goes up to him. Rodri we have a way of life here in the UK and we're going to need you to assimilate get the hat off at 29 you should be getting that hat off yeah there was a lovely passage of play in this game because Haaland was captain last night at least for a portion of the game and because he's so like he's got such a kind of almost like innocent face and he's like pleased and stuff all the time I can tell he's really proud to be the captain and when Enrae Chan came off the bench, who obviously is a, you know, had a great career, great player, but a very combative midfield player, he got right in Haaland's face.

26:25And at one point there was a big kind of tussle in midfield and Enrae Chan didn't pull Haaland's shirt, but what he did is he got a good fist of Haaland's captain's armband and basically tried to rip it off his arm. And Haaland got mortally offended by this and was like screaming at him and trying to put it back on. and it was a very interesting passage of play it was like Shannon thought right I think I know how to get to this guy I mean he's already scored at this point and they're going to lose so it's a bit too late but he can only do what he can do because he started on the bench and he went right after Haaland it was actually quite pleasing well maybe he thought to himself what's the one thing I can take off this guy aha the armband which he's worked so hard to get yeah if I punch him in the guts maybe he'll vomit some of his raw milk that he drinks maybe I'll take that off or his big tomahawk especially like a big tomahawk just landed on the pitch out of Harlan's gut.

27:15Hang on, raw milk? Yeah, he drinks like raw milk. Straight from the udder. Straight from the udds, yeah. From udds to Harlan's mouth. Which apparently, by the way, I guess it's a different kettle of fish if you're a really strong, athletically impressive man. And he would have a kettle of fish from where he's from as well. He wouldn't be happy with a kettle of fish. You shouldn't be drinking raw milk. Well, no. It seems like you're, I mean, we worry about lasagna gear. You're going to be worrying about getting a foodborne illness if you're drinking from the straight from the yard we once had a wonderful family holiday down in devon on a farm and we i don't know if it was straight from the cow or they maybe you know cooked it a bit but uh i've cooked you some milk darling oh good i think the milk was probably about medium rare anyway um the uh we were having the milk straight from there So you're right.

28:09Athletic men like Erling and me can stomach it, but I would say everyone else. I look at you and I think there's a man who can stomach some raw milk. For sure. Everyone else. You should stay well away. I'd need a side of crispy shredded beef, I think, probably to go with that. Oh, Pete will know that he shouldn't be doing it, but will do it anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Get yourself down to Devon. But listen, pasteurisation, I think, has generally been seen, and unless you're part of RFK Jr.'s orbit, I think it's generally considered to be pasteurisation has been a good thing for society. Yeah, I mean, Louis Pasteur needs some respect on his name.

28:43He's got the captain's armband of pasteurisation, hasn't he? Of dairy hygiene. Dairy hygiene. You have a good knowledge of an enormous amount of subjects, Luke, but I love it when you get these little niche ones that you're really quite passionate about, like the pasteurisation of milk. I just think it's important to understand that heating milk to 71.7 degrees Celsius for 15 to 25 seconds and then cooling it rapidly below three degrees is a good thing for society. It's worked for us. And I also think on a less scientific note, go to a farm, go to a dairy farm. I did. It is disgusting. Well, look at me, I'm still scouting.

29:21There's shit everywhere. Erling's going to get a cow box if he's not careful. Sorry to cut in, Pete, but I do think this is really important to share. I don't care how many red arrows producer Finn's put in the running order. I'm doing this. We went camping when I was a very young boy and one of my memories is of my mum who wouldn't be the most natural camper in the world treading barefoot in a cow pat and we never went camping again after that. Do you know what we used to do? Be safe, be cow safe. There was a summer camp we used to go to in Perthshire when I was living in Edinburgh and it was quite rural.

29:56We used to always take bangers with us and we would always put them in cow pats. Oh, good. Put them in cow pats and light them. Good fun. It is a remarkable story. That is dark. It's stinky little... Peter. Pete Donaldson, do not tell me you're not on board with that. Marcus, if I heard that someone from the Rabble is going to tell that story today, I'd put my mortgage on me and Pete Donaldson. Yeah, I know. Spells these stinky bangers. There's the title. I love it. I love when Pete thinks, oh, why did I never do that? Why did I never think of that? So he turns his nose up at it. Inside he's going, that's genius, that is.

30:29Inside he's going, I'm doing that by the end of the week. Yeah, I'm doing that. Yeah. Is that why I registered the URL bigbangers.couldituk for your Twitter page? That was another reason. Marcus of the big bangers, the big ball vine bangers. That was another one. Now there's a whole fleet of red arrows now that are flying overhead in this running order. So elsewhere in the Champions League, Club Brugge, or Club Bruges as we used to affectionately call them. What a game this one. Drew 3-0 with Barcelona. Did you guys know that Club Brugge play in a stadium named after the leader of 14th century uprising against the French?

31:00I think we all were aware of that. it's got to be the only stadium in at least in in European football because people aren't going to rise up maybe they would I think it's got to be the only stadium named after such a such a figure Arnold Schwarzenegger Stadium I don't think he had an uprising against the French did he? he suppressed a lot of check his films a lot of Central American soldiers in commando yeah yeah exactly killed a lot of robots in the near future in Los Angeles that was fake Peter anyway so Barcelona drew through I mean, it's a great point for Club Brugge. I mean, wasn't there a TV outbreak?

31:37If you're talking about historical goings-on, I mean, a TV outbreak in Barcelona. It's not from raw milk, is it? It's not yet, maybe. I've no idea. I just hope Marcus Rashford's OK. And everybody else, but particularly Marcus Rashford. Before the game, yeah, there were fears of tuberculosis outbreak at the Nou Camp after a member of the team working on the redevelopment tested positive. Now, of course, Barcelona have been playing their games elsewhere in the old Olympic Stadium. But yeah, quite worrying. Have they taken TB to Belgium or not? I hope not. I really hope not. That's a good point, actually, no.

32:09Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, there's obviously been a lot of talk about Laminj Mal's groin. He's scoring goals and having a nice time and he's not missed that many games, obviously. But there are kind of rumours suggesting that he's got a condition that will be with him for the rest of his career. He came out in the back of this match and basically said, there's been a lot of lies about my groin. so will everyone stop lying about Lavinia Mal's groin please when Pete says that at the office exactly it's a problem stop talking stop talking about you know children's groins but I mean joking aside clearly it's a worry for a player that explosive at such a tender age because we've seen similar players in the past perhaps not as good as Lavinia Mal of course but who play in that way who've had serious problems and haven't been able to play as late in their careers as perhaps they would have liked So, I mean, it's an interesting point.

33:00You know, we've obviously had this chat. I mean, the aforementioned Rodri himself spoke about it. But the amount of football youngsters play, you know, are they going to burn out by the time they're in their late 20s or whatever? You know, we shall see. Hopefully not. But yeah, you hope he's protected because such an obvious thing to say, but you've got to say he's such an incredible player to watch. But well done Club Brugger, though, in a very entertaining game. Well, the manager used to manage Haverford West County. So, like, what more? Oh, that's a great stat. That's true. That's why you cut your teeth.

33:33He's earned that point. He really has. Yeah. That's incredible. What a journey. The first Belgian manager at work in the Welsh Premier League. Marvellous stuff. Then straight into playing Barcelona in the Champions League. A couple of postings away. Fantastic. I told you before, if I could play in any European club, but I mean Borussia would be up there for me it's just such a great place you just love the chocolate I love the city it's an amazing place and I know there'll be places in southern Spain and parts of Italy which will be beautiful as well and probably many other European places but for me I'd absolutely love to play for Club Brugge would you?

34:09I'd like to play for Bath City if we're going on that kind of I'd like to play for Real Madrid here's one for you know enjoying yourself and hope you'll be the first Bottemans player to play for Real Madrid what a legacy I'll put Bottemans on the map, mate. I think you already have. Now, moving on from all that, did you see that former Manchester United and Leeds United, another club's defender, and former TNT sports pundit Rio Ferdinand said he's moved to Dubai away from England because the United Kingdom is apparently, according to Rio, falling apart. He's told LBC if things like the health service, for example, was absolutely flying and working perfectly.

34:50Oh, this NHS is flying. This NHS is flying! If it was absolutely flying and working perfectly well, then I think people wouldn't mind paying tax. I sit there and go, we pay towards tax, and is it really going towards the things that are actually benefiting the people that live here? Well, Rio, I sincerely hope that you find out what a very, very well-funded and liberal land Dubai is if you've got the wrong side of the law. Yeah, enjoy paying five pounds for a Snickers as well. It may not be a lot of tax, but all the prices are expensive. I think it's amazing. It's an amazing kind of logic from Rio because some people would agree with the assessment.

35:33The UK could be better. The infrastructure is crumbling. So Rio's diagnosis would just be, yeah, so really wealthy people like me who've done really well under the British system, you know, a rules-based democracy where taxes have gone towards things like my education and me being able to travel to training and all the rest of it. I'm going to pay less of that and see if it improves. This, to me, sounds like the opening salvo in Rio Ferdinand's quest to become London mayor. Because all those guys, all those fucking right-wing types, they all live in Dubai as well. I just love the Addison Lee men of England telling the rest of us what a shit all our country is.

36:13They leave their country mansions, they get in their Addison Lee taxis, a taxi firm in London. That one's for you, Spellsie. Thank you. And they head to some unlovable trading estate to do a bit of telly on a big green screen. They get their dinners delivered to them by runners on the company account, and then they're back in their Addison Lees and go home. And then they go, this country is rubbish. I'm always out there witnessing it. Fuck off. Fuck off with Phil Collins. Fuck off with Sean Connery and Al Capone and whoever. Whichever fucking fools are out there. who was ever fucking tax exiles are fucking taking an hour out there.

36:48Listen, if we are going to talk about tax specifically, do you want to recuse yourself, Peter? I would like to stay in your granny annex, please. Can I stay in your granny flat? I was with you with Phil Collins, and then you mentioned two blokes who were both dead, one of them who's been dead a while, never lived in England or UK, yeah, exactly, and the other one who'd famously buggered off years ago, so, okay. But I take the point. They're all tax exiles and the Formula One drivers. They all got a monoco, don't they? Al Capone was a tax exile. I mean, certainly tax was a problem, but, you know.

37:20Yeah. I once worked with Rio Ferdinand and he was two hours late and then spent another half an hour complaining about how much he hated lateness. And that is true. That is a true fact. Nice. Doctor, heal thyself. Can't NHS. Coming up after this, FIFA have got a new award and we have literally no idea who will win it.

37:51Welcome back to the Football Ramble, everybody. Now, before we talk about tonight and the FIFA award, I just want to quickly drop into the championship, if I may, as we've got a teensy bit of time. A little mention for Frank Lampard and Coventry City. They're flying high in top spot. Are you enjoying this, Luke Moss, seeing gorgeous Frank doing very, very well? I have admiration for the indefatigability of Frank Lampard and his quest to become a good manager. I think they've been really good this season. I saw a bit of them at Fratton Park a few weeks ago where they won and they were good. But he is clearly so dedicated to being a manager and wanting to achieve and taking, if I may be so bold, quite unfashionable jobs at times as well.

38:38at a quest to improve and to be better. And I think, you know, if you look at him compared to the person that he's often compared to in John Terry in terms of their Chelsea time and that kind of generation of Chelsea players, I mean, John Terry's sitting around complaining about not being given jobs while doing ridiculous YouTube-adjacent kind of entertainment programs. And Frank Lampard's out there doing it in a tough league and he's doing it well. It's clear the players respect him. You see footage of him behind the scenes. you know he does seem like a pretty credible character I think and Coventry have been really good this season they had an amazing game against Wrexham a week or so ago as well which they came off on the wrong end of and I believe that's the first game they lost in the league this season so I mean yeah if you look at the stats as well it's pretty impressive I mean they've scored 39 goals in 14 championship games the next highest scoring team have scored 23 so they're flying they are flying I think when Lampard was first kind of mentioned in relation to this job obviously Mark Robbins had done such a good job to get where they were and I think a lot of supporters were like oh come on is this going to be like a bit of a ruiny kind of situation because his managerial sort of record is a bit mixed but he's just done an astonishing job and like you say Luke respect does go quite a long way for players who are sort of coming up through the Championship and getting them to where they need to be.

40:08I'm so glad that Coventry are having good times after 15 years of just the worst time possible. It really has been famine to feast. I'm enjoying it. I think it's all fair comment, actually. If you look at the interview Lampard did quite recently with the Sky Sports YouTube channel, talking about how he goes about how he does what he does, it's pretty insightful. Like I said, there is some decent footage of him behind the scenes with the current three players. And he clearly has dedicated himself to the job. He's been eating up in the Premier League at times, hasn't he? Everton, he found it really tough, and there's possibly other reasons for that.

40:44But I think it speaks... People have their opinions on that, but everyone does for different reasons. But I do think it speaks to his dedication. At the age of 47, he's a multi-multi-millionaire. He clearly wants to achieve. and you know if you're a player at championship level and you see a man a man like Lampard dedicating himself to the job but also the playing career he's had the experience he's got the relatability of that and you can speak with real authority football from the very top level European level international level Premier League level you know it's a great thing for a club like Coventry and most importantly of course is the results on the pitch and they've had that this season so far and if they carry on like I say they carry on the way they're going they're going to walk the league but they'll be promoted.

41:30If he is indeed the man who gets Coventry City back in the Premier League, what an achievement that would be. Did you like it though? So when they beat Sheffield United, Chris Wilder, Sheffield United of course, the indie rock band, The Enemy, performed before kick-off. I mean, he and they are playing all the right notes. Can we take back everything we said? They should be in League Two? Well, you know what? Oh, come on, Peter. Send them back to League Two. I've had enough. Bring back Sisu. of you bring back the hedge fund can I throw a bit of support the way of the enemy as well not for musical reasons because they're not really my cup of tea but they are fiercely proud to be from Coventry they've always been really supportive of the working class in Coventry as well they are synonymous with the city and the football club and I think they're actually you know pretty pretty like decent ambassadors for a city that is regularly forgotten about if you're talking about earlier about taxation and places that have been left behind by modern society and infrastructure and the rest of it.

42:35You could look no further than somewhere like Coventry and the enemy for all their musical failings, of which there are many in my personal view, they are clearly very, very dedicated to the city and the football club and I think they deserve credit for that. Peter. They're out there instead of staying at home. You're either a working class champion, Pete, or you're not, mate. Make your mind up. Richard and Joe Dye. Lovely one. I personally made£4 ,000 out of the month, so I am absolutely on board with the enemy. They were doing a, Nike was doing a Run London night marathon, and I was involved as part of XFM's thing down there, and I couldn't make the time he's worked to go and interview the enemy for their Nike payola gig, and I said no, like twice, and then they kept up in their price until it was a competitive£4 ,000.

43:28I was like, yes. And then the enemy turned up. I interviewed them, and it was a Nike event, but they all turned up with Adidas clothes on. So they had to have all of their clothes taped up. So I am massive, as a working class traitor myself, I'm well into the enemy and the amount of, like, that's proper, you know, never got that again money for anything. Did you pay your tax on that, Peter? No, God, no. Didn't declare. Extracurricular, I didn't declare it. Helping Coventry. If you help Coventry, you know, in the same way the EastEnders that help Coventry, like, you know, the Coventry Tourist Board, by saying that when you leave Albert Square, you go to Coventry.

44:14It's none of my business, but it's between you and the country and exchequer, Peter. Leave us out of it. Exactly. It's a good point. Good point. Makes me want to move to Cuba, all this. Or North Korea, maybe. I don't know. Marcus would rather live in North Korea than Coventry there's your headline that's not what I said disgraceful from a man of sorry they put away a lot of beer Marcus and you're not a drinker so I don't think you'd enjoy your career to be honest they certainly wouldn't allow me and my bible in there right before we move on from championship stuff Luke I need to get your opinion on this Southampton got their first win since September last night so we'll say well done to them before the game a fan called in to BBC Radio Solent, a radio station that you know well and he was begging for Matt Letizia to take charge of the club after Will still sacking Yeah I mean I would love to throw as much support as possible behind that appointment Totally agree as ever show solidarity with the good people I think that's an appointment they should make post haste it's the answer to all their problems but probably a creator of quite a lot of other problems OK, great.

45:25Now, tonight, three more English sides in action in European competition. Aston Villa host Maccabi Tel Aviv. Much has been made about that game already. Nottingham Forest head to Austrianside Sturm Graz. And Crystal Palace play AZ Alkmaar in the Conference League. Palace need a win, Peter, after that disastrous loss at home to AK Larnica. I mean, the way they're playing, though, you would imagine they'll get there, surely? They've picked things up massively. But they have to. I'm really looking forward to this match. Absolutely. It's a stunner. It's a Thursday night stunner, Marcus. Yeah, you don't get too many Thursday night stunners, if we're brutally honest, Luke, in Europe.

46:05I think Palace have caught the imagination of a lot of neutral fans as well with their conference league. It's great to see them in Europe. I know it's not the competition they should have been in, of course, but they're still in there. and Azed Alkmaar boast one Troy Parrott, lest we forget. How could I ever forget such a seismic piece of news? Yeah, I've set you up for a bit of a preview of Azed Alkmaar there, so don't let me get in your way to finish it off. Well, I'm not going to wax lyrical about Azed Alkmaar because I simply am unable to. But their opponents in the shape of Crystal Palace have got a very big week because you're right to point out they had a poor result recently in the Conference League a competition they should really be among the favourites for but they've also got a gigantic game at the weekend in the shape of a home fixture against Brighton so it's a big few days for Oliver Glasner and his men well it is it really is and tonight of course they are going to have to try and get past I assume we'll be starting and go Rome Jadon Owusu-Aduru he's got a double barrelled first name and a double barrelled second name greedy you don't get too many of them to the pound now the fa have charged crystal palace with misconduct after the fans displayed a banner depicting evangelos maranakis holding a pistol a gun a firearm to morgan gibbs white's head they should be rewarded i think they should i think the fa is kind of like i get what you're saying but sometimes dare i suggest Peter in the face of potential chaos should the rules just be relaxed every now and then for banter's sake what like the purge just one night off one night off for T4s put together whatever horrific bed sheet T4s you want to do and potentially some braille work with some mobile phones I think the FA are frightened of Evangelos as well really if Crystal Ballas are right in what they're saying then we should all be frightened Morgan Guss and White's output has been amazing this year.

48:17He was like, he is clearly so frightened of Evangelos Maranacos. The amount of support he was throwing behind Ange Postacoglu for weeks on him. Every single game he was saying, oh, it's brilliant. It's going to click soon. He did it half an hour before Postacoglu was walked out of the club. Maybe it was going to work though. What's wrong with the dreamer? What's wrong with a bit of loyalty in football, eh? Exactly. Loyalty at the point of a gun. You can't beat it. Good point, loyalty. Speaking of loyalty, Gianni Infantino will present the inaugural FIFA Peace Prize at the draw for the 2026 World Cup.

48:54The award is designed to acknowledge individuals who have helped to unite people all over the world in peace. Now, just last month, he did say that FIFA cannot solve geopolitical problems. But it can award the people who can. Well, exactly. Inaccurately. You can award the people who can, but don't. Yeah, so, I mean, we know that we have the Nobel Peace Prize. All right, that's in the bag. All right, that's in the bag. We've had that for a while. That's not going to Donald Trump. But do we have another one that somebody can win? What an appalling, lickspittle, snivelling, quizzling bastard Gianni Infantino has proven himself to be.

49:37Look, we don't know where this prize is going. We don't know where this prize is going. We can have a guess. Sure we can. It's not me, is it? Is it me? might be you Peter Peter I bet Luke's mortgage that Donald Trump wins that prize yeah and for once I'm actually not unhappy about that that seems like a pretty safe bet the amount of times I've bet Luke's mortgage I've always won though fortunately for his sake yeah so the draw is on the 5th of December by the way I should say yeah so it's not that far like I'm really excited about the 5th of December draw the draw for who's going to get the peace prize the draw for the World Cup no the draw for the World Cup but every new thing they keep adding to this is just like yeah you really are taking the shine of this place so if you don't think donald trump's gonna win it who do you think he's gonna win it and there's an outside chance that like cristiano ronaldo will be given yeah it'll be trump it's been created for trump exclusively clearly hasn't it very cynical view that luke moore um cristiano ronaldo said that donald trump is one of the men who can help change the world i mean as the president technically true yeah I would amend his statement to the president of the United States of America.

50:47He's one of the, I mean, it has been men, so you don't have to change that bit. He's one of the men who can help change the world. But the Donald, I mean, yeah. How's he going to change it, though? Could be for the better. Well, get that FIFA Peace Prize under your belt, and then surely that will propel him to do more great things. Or some great things. Cristiano also said recently that he didn't believe that Lionel Messi was a better player than him and that he can't be humble on this matter. I believe it was in one of the most extraordinarily appalling interviews that Piers Morgan has done. I was going to say, yeah, sounds about it.

51:24It was embarrassing. Isn't Piers Morgan in his 60s? And he's still like side-leaning up to Cristiano Ronaldo. I think he might have turned up to Cristiano Ronaldo's interview wearing Ronaldo's aftershave and then mentioning it. Right. It's embarrassing. But I think if there was a debate still about Cristiano versus Messi, you can't see Lionel Messi sidling up to Donald Trump. You can't see that. So that should settle it once and for all. Yeah. Messi's, I mean, he's not perfect. Let's be clear about that. Don't need to be, do you? To be better than Cristiano. It would be funny, though, if Messi won the FIFA piece prize for some reason.

52:02But I don't think it's going to happen. But there we are. Our money's on Donald Trump. We'll see what happens on the 5th of December. All eyes on the Peace Prize. Thank you very much for listening to the Football Ramble, part of the ACAR's Creator Network. Luke and I are back with Vish and Jim tomorrow for the preview show. Big potatoes, that. Should be an absolute cracker. It's going to be a massive Jacks encyclopedia, Peter. A massive Jacksy. Once more, I step up. I don't duck anyone. No. I'm literally not allowed to. No, no, no, no. No. Contractual, isn't it? All right, then. Thank you, Petey.

52:32Farewell. Thank you, Lukey. Thank you. Thank you, Gianni. And we'll see you tomorrow.

52:45I think I should give away a Pete's prize. The Football Ramble is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.