The Preview Show: Absolute Lims

0:00Guide us to thy perfect light, everybody. Welcome to the Football Ramble. Arsenal are in the semis. It's Wednesday 24th of December. I'm Marcus Speller. I'm Luke Moore. And I'm Jim Campbell.

0:24Well, hello everybody. It's Christmas Eve and we three kings of Ramble are bearing gifts we banter afar. Thanks to friend of the Ramble Santa For giving us that intro line If you want to submit an intro line for a future episode And get an extended edition of today's show Then become a friend of the Ramble on our Patreon Just head to patreon.com forward slash football ramble now And if it's good enough for Santa Then it's good enough for you, I would say Now gentlemen, we're just one day away from the big day of course It's reaching fever pitch down here at Ramble HQ I want to start though, Jim Campbell, with Arsenal 1, Crystal Palace 1 in the quarterfinal of the League Cup, sponsored by Carabao once again.

1:12Arsenal went through 8-7 on pens. Oh, hey, a semi-final against Chelsea. You get to play them twice, you lucky thing. Yeah, so many games in January and February now. I'll be honest, boys, though, there was a point where Mark Gay scores that late goal. And I'm thinking maybe the quadruple is off. maybe maybe this is the first beginning of that also very disrespectful to the£25 ,000 prize money that they've got that's safe coming to that I mean that's that who needs a quadruple when you've got that kind of cheese in your pocket I'll tell you what is truly remarkable that level of cheddar is if you add it all up if you win the Carabao Cup this season in total from prize money from match wins alone you're pocketing a cool £187 ,000 for the whole club to share.

2:03Yeah. You get nearly a week of Gabriel Jesus out of that. Yeah. I mean, actually, not even really nearly. You go some way towards a week of Gabriel Jesus. So, worth it though. I think with that victory and the prize money, Christmas came two days early for Arsenal Football Club. I think it did. Are you channelling your Piers Brosnan and James Bond there with that? Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, I could see it. I could see the little wink and the nod. He's saucy, but he's not too saucy. Not this time of year. It's not a sexual day. Yeah. Christmas. Yeah. Which Bond are you thinking? GoldenEye. No, there's a movie, I want to say, possibly the world is not enough, where the femme fatale is, isn't she called something Christmas?

2:46Oh, yes. And he says, oh, looks like Christmas came early this year, or something like that. Sorry, that's right, yeah. It's definitely not GoldenEye, yeah. It's dirty stuff. Dirty. I don't agree with it. Not this time of year particularly. And I think you're above it, Marcus, which is why I thought you did a nice little hat to it rather than be bawdy, overly bawdy, barrack room bawdy at this time of year. There's no need to be bawdy this time of year, Jim. But were you feeling a bit bawdy though when Kepa saved that penalty? Well, I said earlier in the game, I take full responsibility for it going to penalties because I said to my girlfriend who I went to the game with at half time, like this will go straight to penalties if it's a draw at full time.

3:27and I think in doing that I summoned that but I also said you know what I fancy Kepa to save one and eventually he did so it was fine I mean up to that point there were some quite I'm going to say clownish attempts at saving the penalties they were pretty poor genuinely like sort of how I imagine I would do it but he got there in the end so it was okay they were until that point to be fair pretty much every penalty was perfect wasn't it they were all very very good well they were I'm going to read you verbatim verbatim a WhatsApp message that I sent a group of chaps to a group of chaps that we talk about football with and it's not you guys.

4:04Here we go. I'd fancy Arsenal here. I think Kepa will save one and Arsenal won't miss any. Few penalties in. Kepa is diving very early. Won't work with the better takers, but as it goes on, it might work. A great example of what you'd be like if we didn't make you do jokes. Yeah. If you had to have a serious football show, that's what it would be like. And I don't think that credits you, Marcus. No, I don't think it does. By the way, also, great prediction skills, though, as usual. Everyone knows you're the football brain of the group, which I can only say when Pete's not around. Not that similar to the prediction I just made, but there you go.

4:39Well, yeah. But I thought Marcus was more smug, though, so I enjoyed it more. I would say to you guys, I've got absolutely zero interest whatsoever in seeing Kepa in a domestic cut penalty shootout. He's not going to have a good old ding-dong with the manager or refuse to be subbed off. Yeah. Where's his respect gone? He's got no self-respect anymore. Well, I mean, we don't know that Mikel Arteta didn't try to take him off, at least mentally. He might have thought, you know what, I'll bring Ray on for this. Actually, he might mug me off here. He missed a penalty as well, didn't he? Well, he did.

5:09In a shootout. He skied one also in the Carabao Cup. He's got a storied history with it. That was in the final, wasn't it? Against Liverpool. Sounds like it might have been. I think so, yeah. Yeah, I think he, I think, was he not brought on for that one? in a reverse psychological move that clearly didn't work at all. But anyway. I think the prize money offer got to him. Perhaps it was. The pressure. He was ultimately the hero of the evening because he did manage to... I mean, it was... Yeah, he was diving extremely early. He was. And the penalty. I tell you what, great set of pens. I mean, 8-7.

5:42So much confidence from kind of every taker, basically. As you say, it was always going to get to the point where it gets down to the defenders. They're not quite as good. Yeah. And I mean, that could have been true for either team, really. I'm going to give you a little insight into my mind, and it might not surprise anybody. When Saka took his penalty, I wanted him to put it to the goalkeeper's right, but I thought his favoured penalty is bottom corner, goalkeeper's left. And the reason why I wanted him to go to the goalkeeper's right, because I thought, next summer, they're going to know. They're going to tell which keeper, where he's going to go.

6:12And then when Adam Wharton stepped up, I thought, please score. We want a bit of positive reinforcement here. so you're already you're already so galaxy brained about England that you're thinking about a scenario involving Adam Warton taking a penalty in a shootout might Saka as well yeah Saka's fair enough I mean Saka's obviously you know way up there in terms of penalty takers and England starters compared to Adam Warton who a lot of people don't even know he's going to be in the squad or not you're already thinking about knockout games no you're already worrying about opposition coaching staff studying his penalty technique fair enough these are the marginal games that we need I've got a pang of nerves when it happened.

6:47I thought, oh no. What did you guys make of the game itself though? I thought that the first half in particular was the best Arsenal have played in ages, actually. They look really coherent, really kind of positive and fast, actually. They've been quite slow-paced and fairly predictable in a lot of recent games, but they really took the game to Palace, who stood up to it really well. Walter Benitez made some great saves. He was excellent. He was super. Really, really good saves. Second half, Palace were so much more organised, a lot more like the Palace we've seen under Oliver Glasner, very kind of more typical of that compared to the recent performances we've seen from them where they've been a little bit sloppy.

7:25The own goal is just really unlucky, isn't it? Really, really unlucky. Really strange situation, kind of unusual slice. And I thought that the free kick Saliba gave away was completely avoidable. But again, really, really sharp finish from Palace. One thing that really sticks in my mind about the game as well is how genuinely annoyed Mark Gay looked to have scored a 94th minute equaliser. That's the disdain this competition's got among the elite players. I couldn't believe how annoyed he was. Yeah, I mean, an extra couple of games when Palace failed to qualify automatically for the, what would it be, quarterfinals or last 16, whatever it is, for the Europa Conference League and they've got that playoff thing to happen.

8:06He's thinking, oh, blimey, we could really do without this. he's already played 31 games a season for club and country. Wow. And he's got a big decision to make next month. So he's probably trying to keep his mind clear. He doesn't want to be full of Carabao when he's making the biggest decision of his career. Yeah. But I also think that there's no way, you can't compare the pressure of an England knockout game, a tournament penalty shootout with what we saw last night. I mean, last night the stakes are far higher. Exactly. They don't get paid for England, do they? He's done. They do get paid for England.

8:38You can do it in the Carabao. You can do it for England. Not 100 grand, come on. True, yeah. I can't imagine the money on offer at the World Cup. Even Trump's World Cup will get anywhere near what the Carabao Cup semi-final plays. Chris Terrence's referee in the final of the Carabao. There's so much money on offer. He's going to be dishing out cheques all over the place. We don't want to give you that. That's what he's going to be saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Final penalty. Anyway, so Arsenal, yeah, they've got Chelsea. Ask the crowd. Why good?

9:06Now, Jim, something different that I've been noticing on social media is that Arsenal fans, some Arsenal fans, I should stress, have been editing that T-shirt that Kobe Maynew's half-brother was wearing, which said free Kobe Maynew. And they've changed it to free Ethan Nguanieri. What do you think of that? So I think I thought Ethan Nguanieri would play a bit more than he has this season. I thought we'd see him from the bench a little bit more. But I think part of the reason for that is that Arsenal have been involved in a lot of very tight games where they've maybe not been at their best and everything's been a little bit of a grind.

9:44And I think he's just kind of down the pecking order in a situation where a game needs a goal, rightly or wrongly. And yeah, I'm a little bit concerned about it. It's a nice problem to have. Obviously, you've got too many good players to get on the pitch all the time. So you've got to be kind of sensible about complaining about that too much. But I think everyone's going to have a part to play over the course of this season, and I'm sure he'll start to get minutes. Are we really in a stage as a football community now where we're having T-shirts mocked up, however Photoshop they are, of people complaining about an 18-year-old guy who plays in relatively similar positions to massive signings that have come in the summer, not playing quite as much as he played last season?

10:27Again, at the age of 18. Come on. yeah well I mean we've been here for some time mate true for a long long time you've seen the state of next painful reminder of where we are as a society well I'm not getting on board with the free Ethan Waniere campaign until somebody does a flyover with an aeroplane and has that banner up in the sky yeah where have they gone we don't do those things we turn into a lazy community it's the living crisis mate you've just got to do everything with Photoshop now just Photoshop it into the post-match picture they haven't even got a t-shirt mocked up they've edited someone else's t-shirt.

10:59It's piss poor. Yeah. It is very poor. We don't know how Cobby Mane's brother feels about Ethan Manieri. It's true. But yet you've put those words on his t-shirt, Jim. Honestly, how are you defending this, you absolute sicko? I see. I'm loyal to my club, actually. I see the callous. I see the callous and calculated hand of Campbell behind all this. It's ridiculous, isn't it? Jim obviously thinks Ethan Manieri should be starting or playing ahead of Saka and Madueke. and hence he's and Eze as well you could put in there Odegaard yeah Captain Rice all of them yeah that's the reason isn't it you just name the other players there's a lot of good players in front of him that's true but genuinely though I do hope to see more of him in the second half of the season because he scored nine goals last season he's a good player who's ready to contribute now I know it's only obviously a small section of the terminally online Arsenal fan base doing this but from the outside looking in, let me just give you a quick flavour of what it looks like.

12:01We need more players, we need a better squad, we can't change for a Premier League title because we haven't got the depth of the squad we need. We need to sign these players. Okay, sign, sign, sign, sign, sign. We want Ethan Warneri to play, this is a fucking disgrace. I would just like to point out that that is just a representation of a small section of Portsmouth fans on the internet. It's a crime watch style reconstruction, Jim. It's done for dramatic effect to articulate an eternal truth to the listeners of this show. And I make no apology for that because I am nothing if not one of the country's foremost dramatists.

12:33And I should be rewarded for that, not criticised. One of the... Thank you very much, Marcus. Christmas is a time for giving. It is. And a time for accepting gifts. Absolutely. Just ask not to do the right thing and send Ethan Vanieri on loan to Fulham. He'll get minutes there. Oh, we'd have a lovely time there. You'd think so? Now, Jim, were you celebrating on the 20th of December as that day marked six years since Mikel Arteta took charge of Arsenal I saw that that was the date or that was the anniversary of that and I went oh that's good I didn't have any specific celebration but I was happy Jim in that time he's only won the FA Cup ah ah you've done me you've done me ah no right into that one but if he doesn't win the Community Shields as well if he doesn't win the Premier League this year Jim he should be sacked though yeah because Marcus predicted it that's why yeah yeah not the sacking yeah of course so you're on board not because of poor performance it's just through sheer disrespect to me and that's how I judge and you should follow him presumably with your resignation if he's not won it and he has to lose his job you predicted him to win it and he didn't you need to lose your job well if it means picking up the job that he left then fine I'd love to see you as Aston Wager I'd have very mixed feelings about that gotta be honest he'd be only playing English players he would yeah yeah Would that reflect badly on me, do you think?

13:54Yes. In today's environment, it might be a bit tricky to know. Unequivocally, yes. Yeah, yeah. When you start putting like St. George's cross flags up on the floodlights and the training ground and stuff, that would be a bit too much. Yeah, that would test them, wouldn't it? Well, Arsenal are in the semi-final of the Carabao Cup. They've got Chelsea, of course, no mean feat. They couldn't beat Chelsea with 10 men. But they will fancy it, I think, over two legs. because Arsenal, when all's said and done, are a better team than Chelsea. The league table, well, it is still lying here and there, but I don't think it's lying in terms of how Arsenal are getting on the season.

14:30I don't think it's a special, and this is going to sound hugely disrespectful to Chelsea fans and partly because I mean it to, but to me it's a special kind of purgatory in any circumstance having to play Chelsea in two legs. It just feels like it's full on. It's having to deal with that lot twice in a row is a little bit objectionable, I think. So I feel for Arsenal, I have to say. I personally feel that Chelsea will come through in those two legs, but we shall see. Do you think as they raise it for these types of games, that's the kind of thing, that is what people are saying of this Chelsea side.

15:11It's the chat that you kind of piped up with a few weeks ago, Marcus, about when, you know, because obviously Fulham had Liverpool across two legs in the semi-final a while back, and you were like, oh, two legs, it just feels really difficult to get done. I just think Chelsea are one of those teams that can be inconsistent and unpredictable, but I think across two legs, on one of those legs, they're going to be really good at least. And I think you've got to stick in there. And I actually think on their day, Chelsea are really good. So they're probably a cup team then? Yeah, absolutely. They are a cup team, 100%.

15:42They're really good at turning the game into a grind when they need it to be. And yeah, I think another really sort of interesting element of Chelsea is when they speed up their play, they're really, really hard to live with. So they can do those two different modes of play really, really well, which over two legs, you know, if they plot that course correctly, they've got a really good chance of getting past that. And also, Arsenal don't have a great record in cup knockout competitions. and it's something that needs to be addressed and needs to be fixed. This trophy as well, I mean, few people kind of are actually that interested in winning it from supporters of kind of, you know, the top six teams.

16:17But Arsenal's record in it is really bad as well. And it is essentially just trophy practice, isn't it? The Carabao Cup. Some teams are very, very good at it, take it very seriously. I would love to see Arsenal win it for that reason because you've got to breed that winning habit. But yeah, I think actually, maybe Chelsea go into it with a little mental advantage as well because they're so good at picking up these competitions. Perhaps. All right. coming up after this, has Pete Donaldson been vindicated?

16:51Hi, I'm Jermaine Defoe and this is the Football Ramble. Welcome back to the Football Ramble, everybody. Right, let's start this section with an email from Chris Skirving, who says, after just listening to the latest My Biddy Aunt, I thought you would be interested that Chris Kamara claims that while he was at Swindon Manchester United manager Ron Atkinson was coming to watch him play. Does that vindicate Pete Donaldson? You tell me. Vindication is a very very strong word for this. It's a word Pete Donaldson claims a lot actually. It is. Usually in a legal setting. He said to me the other day I've been getting so much stick from my Bruno Gimra's chat.

17:35I don't think I'm cut out for these hot takes. And I was like, I was like, yeah, well, Pete, you're in a situation where you come up with something outrageous and I try and kind of stop you on the show and you get pissed off at me. And then if I don't say anything, you get pissed off because the listeners take issue with you. You're going to have to work out what you want to do here. But I have to say, him going for Man United as the second club of Chris Kamara's career in my buddy art, when he claimed to have four clubs, was truly remarkable stuff. It was great. It was a pleasure to behold. I don't think he has been vindicated because I think if Chris Kamara had signed for Man United and played in like a couple of high profile or memorable for whatever reason, maybe something mad happened pre-season friendlies but then didn't play a competitive fixture.

18:23I think we could maybe say that. Marcus, you have to speak up while you're bending over backwards. I can't hear you on the mic. You're bending over backwards too far. we can't pick you up on the mic, mate. You're doing far too much heavy lift of a Pete here. Chris Kamara also, if you look at the evidence that Chris Skirving provides, it's very much an interview with like 442 listeners back in 2010. And Kamara is very sketchy on something that may or may not have happened in the 80s. It's very much like of the energy of Jay Bothroy saying that Carlo Ancelotti said he was the best player in Serie A or something.

18:55Yeah, that's right. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't think we can call him vindicated now. No. So no vindication of a Pete Doulton there. Okay. Well, what I should say, though, is that there is a Christmas edition of My Biddy Aunt landing in your podcast apps and YouTube tomorrow. So keep an eye and ear out for that. The Christmas Cup, no less. It's the Christmas Cup. Absolutely, yeah. Moore versus Speller again, wasn't it? It was, yeah, a much coveted Christmas Cup. Now then, gentlemen, just the one Premier League fixture on Boxing Day, Manchester United versus Newcastle United. I mean, that is poor.

19:27Is it poor? It's a shame, though, isn't it? The match is poor. The match is a great one. and the matches are really good ones. Yeah, but one game, come on. Yeah, don't give them a Christmas. I just think that, I know we've got games coming across 27th, 28th, and the match week literally runs from 26th to the 28th inclusive, doesn't it? So there are other games happening. But to me, it feels a little bit like kind of Scrooge to not give people, I mean, listen, I'll be going to Goswap Barrow versus Havre and Waterloo Villon boxing anyway, so it doesn't matter to me. And Portsmouth are at home too, So there's a veritable smorgasbord of options for me when it comes to live football down the South Coast this weekend.

20:05Sorry, this, Sam, this Christmas. But I do think people deserve more, particularly when you take into account the sport of kings, darts and the PDC World Championship isn't on on Boxing Day either. I feel like the people of this nation deserve a little bit more sport on Boxing Day. That's all I'm saying. Do you not think it's good for the lower leagues, though, that there's no Premier League? It is very good for the lower leagues, Marcus. I don't mind you saying that. It's a very good point. Yeah, thank you. Also, I do think this fixture is an excellent one to be the only one on Monday. But it's still only going to be 90 minutes long, Jim.

20:36They can't make it four hours long. They should. Bruno Fernandes won't be available for it. So is it still an excellent fixture? I suppose it could be that you can't take him apart. Indeed, yeah. It depends what you want to happen. There's only one Bruno in this show now. So, yeah, I think... No, I think Donald's done his way. That is genuinely massive, isn't it? He's only missed, is it two games through injury in his entire Man United career? Which has gone under my radar, certainly. I think the career... I mean, I would like to follow up on this before I mention my point on Bruno Fernandes. I would like to say, okay, Premier League, if you want to just do one game on Boxing Day, it has to be four hours long.

21:16And the teams can make 10 subs each, but it has to be a double long game. So we've got something to do. Have both legs of the Carabao Cup semi-final on Boxing Day. Now you're talking. You see? See, now you're thinking. I like that. Now you're on board. And that's the thing, I always get you on board eventually. You'll think of an idea and you'll be like, yeah, I'm into this now. Yeah, it depends what sphere we're talking about. I mean, football usually, politics, but there we are. I'm on, I think that it's worth pointing out, and if it's already been said by someone else of this parish, then perhaps we can call it a reiteration.

21:49But it is worth saying that, you know, the very idea that there's even a tiny little, I mean, you can't really have lowercase question marks, but I'm going to use it to illustrate a point. Lowercase question mark hanging over the head of Bruno Fernandes and his contribution and his quality for Manchester United over the years. When you look at the fact that he is, as Jim's already mentioned, always available. His goals and assist numbers are fucking amazing. And he has to go down in the Mosin era. It's tricky because United have had so many good players. But he is one of their better players. He's the best post-Ferguson player by a mile, I'd say.

22:30But do you understand the fact that people still have question marks over him? Which is just, to me, it feels mad. Do you think people still have question marks over him? I think that's a more rare opinion. He does, but isn't that because of kind of... He's somebody that people find irritating for whatever reason, right? There's something about him, perhaps because he's so kind of... Body language, isn't it? Yeah, the body language, and he's very, very... he sort of missed a Man United in a way that, like in the way that it was easy to hate Gary Neville because he was a sort of totem of the club.

23:00I think Bruno Fernandes, he's very much that at the moment. But I think, you know, him as a player is increasingly someone where people think, you know, fair enough. Like, I think the opinion you've just expressed is kind of more common than the idea that he, you know, he isn't particularly good or he's, you know, he downs tools or, you know, he's not a good captain or he doesn't work hard enough. I remember there was that game where they got absolutely battered by Liverpool. Was it 7-0 or 7-1, whatever it was in the end? And he, in particular, looked like he'd kind of stopped trying. And I think that was used as a kind of example of like, oh, here we go, here's who this guy actually is.

23:37You can't rely on him. Yeah, that's bullshit. Yeah, obviously because that's an extreme set of circumstances. At some point, even the last sailor stops bailing when the ship is sunk. Yeah, I think it was criticism he got from Roy Keane in particular on that day. I think that may well have been the famous smash somebody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would smash somebody. It would make me feel better. I think it was. Forgive me if that's the right. But it was definitely a bit of that. But I think people used to say that about him even prior to that game a little bit more. That sometimes he kind of, his body language is bad.

24:05He's flapping his arms all over the place. But I think that criticism has quieted because I do think it's plain to see, isn't it, that he is so, so important for them. He's very much a load-bearing player. and I think he's actually weirdly one of the few players to come out of his out of the kind of amber in rain with his reputation enhanced. So he, you know, he is a massive miss for this game particularly against that midfield. I know Newcastle haven't, you know, hit the heights that we've seen from them in previous seasons in that department so much this season. But on their day, they are a team that you need Bruno Fernandes against.

24:41Well, again, if we go back to the league table, Manchester United are above Newcastle. There's not much in it, of course, but Newcastle have not been great in the Premier League this season as much has been said about that. So I think this is an intriguing fixture. Bruno Fernandes will be a huge miss. Will Kobe Mainu be freed? That would be annoying for him. He's like, oh, just let me have Christmas off, then I'll come back. He's injured though, isn't he? So I think he's not available for this game. Oh, that was the chat, wasn't it? Yes, he's injured, Jim. So both Kobe Mainu and Ethan Wineri will be unavailable for this game.

25:14I should join the Borla League. But are you happy though that Bruno That'd be a flex for me. Are you happy that Bruno Fernandes has got Christmas off, Luke? I'm happy that the way it was reported that they, so for those who haven't seen this, the way that the media have found out that Fernandes isn't going to be available is because some like paparazzo saw him limping while out at a dinner. Yeah. It's like, we will, listen, it's Christmas, we're all limping after dinners. Yeah. That's the time of year. Yeah, you should see me tomorrow. Do you think Ruben Amarum is going to take a leaf out of Pep Guardiola's book?

25:48Because Pep Guardiola said that he's going to weigh his players when they come back from having their Christmas dinners. I mean, we should say that obviously on Saturday, the 27th of December, there is pretty much a full Premier League fixture list, other than obviously Manchester United and Newcastle play the day before, suddenly Leeds Palace Spurs play the day after. But you've, as I say, pretty much got a full Premier League fixtures list there. Guardiola weighing his players was he joking was he not is he going to do it it's a bit like Chris Evans weighing the Spice Girls on TFI Friday did that happen yeah horrible awful awful what a what a cunt did he really he did blimey O 'Reilly well Sean Dyche called Pep out and said come on Pep you should weigh yourself if you're going to do it do you know what also Sean Dyche said again I hate to be the one who always picks holes in Sean Dyche is sticking up for Man City players and inadvertently the Spice Girls.

26:42What's wrong with that? Yeah, just posh spice, to be clear. But still, you shouldn't be doing it at all. Have you just checked that while Marcus was talking? I have, yeah. Yeah, fair enough. That's a good use of your time. If I may be so bold, I feel like I'm the only person in the world that is pointing out that the Emperor is wearing no clothes with Sean Dyche, who is a tedious man at best. And he... Do you hear what else he said? Because you know the other day, when I've called him out for a Muhammad Ali quote, which basically didn't exist. He was trying to make himself sound clever. Well, he also said, with this Pep Guard, I'll weigh in the players thing.

27:16He was asked himself, oh, will you be weighing your players at Forest? And I sometimes feel like he's like seeding questions out in the room so we can have like a funny joke about it. Yeah, maybe. And he said, well, I told the lads to be sensible. I said to them, it doesn't just say footballer on your passport. It says professional footballer. Now I checked this and professions have not been on passport since 1982. There you go. So I don't know where he's got that from. No. Yeah, you got him. He's trying to be Brian Clough again. Got him again. Just be accurate with your tedious dad jokes. That's all I'm saying.

27:47He did a Brian Clough impression, though. That was quite enjoyable, do you not think? Of course he did. Like, he tried to make out that he was the best mate of Brian Clough when he name-dropped Brian Clough's dog when he got the job. Oh, dear. Anyway. I mean, how much can one's weight differ? I suppose I'm in Christmas Day. I was thinking that. Yeah, I'm fascinated by this. I mean, I think Pet wasn't being serious, was he? I don't know. I don't know. Obviously, they get away when they come back from pre-season, which you'd expect. They are professional athletes. So, you know, I can't see any one of those Man City players, with the possible exception of Ryan Cherky, who loves, and now Grievous is gone anyway, who seems to love a little bit of doing his own thing.

28:24All of them are good little boys, aren't they? They're not going to be doing anything they shouldn't be doing over Christmas, surely. Well, I wouldn't go that far, but in terms of eating, maybe. Well, that's specifically what I meant. Okay, okay. And let's also remember, a little reminder for you, Kyle Walker has also left the club. Right, okay. so many jokes and so little time we should move on liverpool host wolves on saturday at 3 p.m uh bad what a christmas tree surely the people of the surely surely this is time for wolves to get their first win this isn't a game right this is this is not a game of football this is uh some entertainers turning up at liverpool's christmas party to be pointed at and laughed at yeah i think So, yeah.

29:07The sad news coming out of Liverpool is that Alexander Izak is out for two months, obviously sustaining his injury when he was taken out by Mickey Van Der Ven on Saturday when he scored. To be fair, a lot of people have actually said that Van Der Ven kind of escaped any sort of punishment for that. With Van Der Ven, you can obviously see what he's trying to do, but it ultimately ends up with Izak getting a horrendous injury. The proof is in the pudding of it being dangerous, right? Should we have a card? Yeah. Yeah. And despite this era of VAR in which we live, those things never get picked up on.

29:42It used to be goalkeepers punching people in the head, but we seem to have clamped down on that now. And there's two things that are never, ever picked up on, which are genuinely dangerous. One is Mickey van der Ven, who is a tank and the fastest player in the Premier League, if stats are to be relieved, going full pelt into someone's standing leg and breaking it. And we're expected to accept that he doesn't get any punishment for that. It's ridiculous. And the second thing that people always do is backing interplayers when they're jumping for a header, which will result in a broken neck at some point and also needs to be stamped out.

30:12I was interested in Dave Cartlidge's take about Xavi Simmonds. I'm kind of interested in what different people think about that. I thought that was probably a bit unfortunate, but if you are going to be that kind of careless, you probably deserve everything you get, but I do understand where Dave is coming from. The Van de Ven one was absolutely inexcusable, and, you know, he's very, very fortunate to only be out for a couple of months here, Isaac. Yeah, I was just going to say, Luke, that we didn't mention that on Monday because I think because of the other decisions that happen in the game, you get so excited.

30:46Not to get in. And that's probably poor of us, admittedly. But of course, Isaac scores and you kind of forget then what happened. You think, oh, he scored and he's got injured in the process of putting it away. And that's what's never picked up on by the officials. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It happens, Marcus, it even happens when players don't score. So if someone goes in on goal and puts one just wide and the defender's breaking his net to get a block in, which I understand, you know, it's their job, and he gets taken out, it's never looked at. It's never looked at. It doesn't matter if it's a goal or not.

31:16And it is bad because that is a serious, serious injury. And we're talking about two months. It could be more. I mean, there could be complications. You'll get the inevitable muscle strains that come along after he has to get back to fitness. It's cost Liverpool, and it's cost Isaac personally, a lot. and I think he's done very well to get away with that. Now obviously Spurs had two red cards anyway so I mean dishing out a third does seem a little bit harsh but I mean the reality is if he had done that off the back of his passing the ball and not shooting he'd have gone. He'd have walked. No question.

31:44It wouldn't have even taken five seconds to check it. So it's an inconsistency and needs to be stopped. It is yeah. Liverpool though they do have to get past Wolves on Saturday. You'd fancy them to do it. Yes. But this is. It should be renamed Mice. Yeah. I mean what should Should we really be saying about Wolves-Ampton Wanderers? We spoke about them on the mailbag this week. We mentioned Matt Doherty's comments, which were so... He was just so demoralised was the word we kept using, wasn't it? Jim, they've got to pick themselves up for this one, though. Well, I mean, one thing we see quite often, though, is when a team hits rock bottom that actually serves as some sort of catalyst.

32:23Going to Anfield, you've got nothing to lose. I mean, I am trying to make the case for Wolves getting something here, and I'm struggling to do it even as I am doing it. But yeah, I mean, at some point they need to get something to kind of hang their hats on and something to use as essentially inspiration for the rest of their season because they're not going to stay up now. Of course they're not. But they need to restore some pride, right? And one of the things Matt Doherty said that we didn't actually kind of touch on, he suggested that some players aren't working hard enough in training so they don't get picked and then they don't get embarrassed on the pitch, which is appalling, isn't it?

33:01I mean, that is like a real, real low point. So at some point, they've got to look at these games and think, well, we've got nothing to lose, particularly away from home as well because their own fans are so annoyed with them, understandably, that's become a difficult place for them to go. So they've just got to put a performance in here, you know? Yeah, well, the word on the street is that pretty much all those Wolves players are trying to get out of there, especially with January coming and every agent who is attached to any of those players is making all the phone calls under the sun. It's ridiculous.

33:34And Matt Doherty sort of mentioned that, didn't he? What are we going to be remembered for? But you could see a mass exodus of players in January. I'd be surprised if the club let that happen. But then if they're given the right prices and you say they're already down, it's a desperate situation. You've also got to look at the owners, right? the owners don't necessarily care at this point do they so they might they might essentially make quite ruinous decisions goodness knows I'm speaking of players leaving the club it's remarkable that Jürgen Strand-Larsen has been linked with West Ham to be like the 58th striker off the block to be totally shit there like literally that is the number now I think it's like 58 strikers or something and they can't resist it they can't help themselves then can you imagine that I mean they themselves of course are in a relegation scrap at the moment you'd imagine that might still be the case in a couple of months' time and they're like, let's pinch the guy who's a couple of positions I know this doesn't happen in football, but you guys talking about the players wanting to get out there and stuff like that.

34:34I mean, I suppose what tends to happen is managers and directors of football at other clubs say, all right, well, the environment that player is at isn't great and we back ourselves to get a tune out of him, blah, blah, blah. But are we really expected to believe that no questions are asked of these players? Like a job interview type thing when you're looking to sign them. They come in for a medical, presumably they meet the sporting director and the manager and stuff. He'd say, can I just ask a little bit about your contribution to that? Because I don't want that in my club, thanks very much.

35:04And they're supposed to sing for their supper, are they? Or is it just not talked about? Yeah, but imagine that. So how do you deal with adversity? Oh, I hate it. I absolutely hate it. None of that for me. No. Yeah, we're led to believe that as soon as things start to get a little bit tough, you just wrap your hand in, do you? Great. Welcome to West Ham.

35:25Yeah, it's a very good question. You've got to play for your move, but that's unfortunately not how football works. But, you know, the only thing going for Wolves fans is that, you know, when you expect a lot of time in the Premier League, when you expect it to be an absolute bloodbath, it kind of invariably isn't. Yeah, we often see teams, don't we, when they get relegated and they've got a handful of games left of the season, they relax and they play well. Wolves, Rob Edwards should say, oh, guys, I don't believe it. You're never going to... mathematically now it's not possible for us to survive what in December yeah yeah absolutely yeah maybe there were a few games I don't know I mean this is the ideal time for them to be playing for a move right so in theory if the worst case scenario is the case this is the best they're going to be all season and actually it is a shit time to play Liverpool as well because obviously a lot's been made about the form and what not and the big story coming out of the Tottenham game was Isaac's injury but obviously they did win the game they weren't particularly convincing but they are getting the points on the board now they need to cash in their Wolves voucher they do they do they start doing stuff and Arna Slott who is not under pressure anymore I don't think and he's had the backing of quite a lot of people a lot of the supporters ex-players Steven Gerrard is the latest ex-player to throw his support behind Big Arna he said I don't want Arna Slott to lose his job but if Liverpool need me in any department at any time I'll be there for them they are two separate sentiments to be expressed very differently and without the use of the word but.

36:55Yeah, absolutely. You'll never walk alone, Arna, but I'm just walking a little bit faster and slightly in front of you. I'm just strolling around alone outside the ground if you need me. Yeah, I'm just currently just behind you. Of course, Gerrard turned down the chance to return to Rangers back in October. So yeah, maybe he'll be thinking, Liverpool aren't great at the moment. Let's just hang on here. I don't think there's anything. I mean, I know Stephen Gerrard is, you know what was it second number two in the hundred players to shake the cup it would be a mad appointment right yeah that's what I mean but like you know you'd have to be doing some really really big like mind gymnastics to convince yourself that Steven Gerrard is going to be a good manager and a point for Liverpool but then you never know do you you never know he's not he didn't specifically mention the manager's job did he he might be a useful person to have on the staff he did say oh yeah that would be good to have him hanging around wouldn't it if they need me in any department I'm not interested in your girlfriend.

37:51I just happened to go out of her 10 years ago and I just want to move into your house. That's all it is. I need somewhere to live. What about the catering department? Get them set over the meals. That would be nice for some of the people. DJ, Phil Collins at halftime every time. Followed by a lot of headbutt of someone.

38:11Just to pick up on what you were talking about, Marcus, there in terms of, or you said, Jim, sorry, about the fact they're picking up points. It's so interesting the way this season could pan out because Liverpool could, not easily, but could finish third or fourth, right? And that is absolutely no different to what was commensurate with what Klopp would do. Yeah, obviously he'd won things. No, you're right. You're absolutely right. But as I'm fond of saying, the two seasons before Slott came in, third and fifth, right? So if Liverpool end up defending their Premier League title in quotes by coming third or something, because Villa drop off the pace a little bit or whatever, you're almost a bit like, okay, it's disappointing, but what were you worried about?

38:52We go again, we've got some new players that we're trying to bed in and we'll see how we get on next season. And no one cares. Like they do seem to be moving in the right direction now. Although I would say that I probably would have been even more harsh than you guys were about Liverpool's performance against Spurs. I know they got the win, but it was remarkable to me how much Spurs, even down to nine men, were calling the tune. Do you not think part of that though, is that Spurs had nothing to lose at that point. Yeah, but I think if you're the reigning champions, the team with the quality Liverpool have got, you have to be able to retain possession against nine men.

39:26You have to. I'll weather that. Yeah, absolutely. I'll weather that. Well, they did weather it in the end. I guess they just got soaking wet and lost their fucking dog. True. All right, coming up after this, we learn about one fan's heroic efforts in Portugal.

39:48Run back to Football Ramble, everybody. West Ham host Fulham on Saturday at 3pm. Fulham, of course, beat Nottingham Forest 1-0 on Monday. I was there and ended up sat next to Hugh Grant having a pie. You were actually next to him. Tell us more about that. I don't think I can. But what I'll say is that Hugh and I didn't speak to each other. There was, you know, a couple of no-ing nods. Mutual respect. Dino and De Niro in heat. Well, no, they did speak to each other. Yeah, I know, but they wouldn't have had to. They could have just sat there looking at each other. Yeah, true. It didn't end the same way as that, by the way, I should say.

40:25Not that I don't want to give any spoilers away, but we're both alive and well. At last I heard. No, genuinely, he was with his family, and I assume his family. So I thought, you know what, Hugh? I would have loved to have turned around and gone, you know, Hugh, loved your Notting Hill, by the way. I was about to say it's fine for you to enjoy a pie share a pie with Hugh Grant as long as it's not in the back of his car or the front of his car yeah whatever it was I can't remember yeah that's right yeah but anyway Hugh and I I'm now one step further towards my goal of ending up in the in the pool on top of the newsstand with him I feel I thought you were going to say I'm now one step further along of trying to be in the movie Paddington 4 I think that's an inevitability nothing else lives long in the memory from the game itself for Monday night though.

41:13It wasn't really a great game. Rob Jimenez scoring another penalty. Yeah. Definitely Penn as well. Tom Kearney coming on as I was shouting for as always and assuring it up for Fulham in the centre of the pitch. I prefer the stuff you do about Hugh Grant. Yeah, I enjoyed that a bit more. I'm sad you didn't talk to him but there's room for growth. You're both going to be at Fulham a lot. That's true. This could yet become a blossoming friendship. Was the highlight of this match for a lot of people watching on Sky Sports the bit where it randomly cut to the darts about 80 minutes into the game. Yeah, not just the darts though.

41:48I mean, the great Paul Lim. 71-year-old Paul Lim. I mean, come on. Listen, Paul Lim, who is famous for having, I think, the first ever televised nine-dart leg way back in the day, is 71 years old and still winning games on stage at Alexandra Palace at the World Championship. He won his first round game this year. Yeah. Well, I heard that him and his family are going to be in the Fulham end on the London Stadium. And if Fulham score, it'll be absolute limbs in the away end.

42:20Anyway, it was worth it. At the amount of times, Jim, you and I have sat through Marcus with these build-ups knowing it's not going to be worth it. And that one actually was. That one was. I tried to make it as short as possible. I'm a mile away, but, you know. Just the conversator going, absolute limbs. It just cuts there and just cheering. The whole family. Waving darts around. Don't chuck your darts. Don't chuck them for crying out loud. Yeah, it was a pretty drab game, Fulham versus Forest. I'll tell you what, though. It was one of those ones where it's like, everyone can see a mile away. This is going to end it.

42:52This is a point for both teams. And you think, yeah, that's probably about right. And then Douglas Luiz does something very silly. And you go, oh, we can get three points from nowhere. What did you make of the lively Kevin? Yeah. He's quite raw, Kevin, which is why he doesn't start so many games. I mean, Fulham are missing a few players, crucial players, Basi Iwobi and Chukwese, who's now a starter for Fulham. They're off playing for Nigeria, of course, in Morocco. But yeah, they were missed. I like Kevin. I think, you know, he's a very talented, very flashy player. And he's got something. And obviously, ultimately, he wins that penalty because of his trickery and his, you know, and that is enough to win the game.

43:36The most tricks from a Kevin at Christmas, it's home alone, you have to say. Yes!

43:43Jim, that was your Gary Neville moment, wasn't it? Again, I saw it coming from a mile off and I didn't mind it. Yeah, Christmas. That's the thing about Kevin, isn't it? I sound like I'm setting up a joke. We need to talk about Kevin. We do. Another Christmas classic. Anyone seen that movie? Yeah, he does get you into the box, right? And that sounds like quite a basic thing, but not all wingers are capable of that. And the box has got little micro-machines in it and then all the defenders fall over on them. Exactly. Yeah, and then anything can happen when you're in that situation. No, that's true.

44:17So yeah, no, I like them. But Fulham winning this game obviously does West Ham a big favour and you've got the chance really to snatch that favour away at the London Stadium here as well. How do you feel about this game? Yeah, I think it's probably a good time to play West Ham although Fulham aren't in a particularly great position in the league because they haven't been winning games. The thing for West Ham, I mean, if West Ham were to lose this game, it would be, you know, they would start to worry. I think they probably already are worrying. Yeah, I mean, were there five points off Forest? Forest obviously being his 17th, so this is, you know, it's kind of coming towards crunch time for them.

44:55But the upturn in Leeds' form has been terrible for West Ham. Yeah, it has, but the chat about Fulham needs to be updated because they won four of the last six and they're three points off seventh. I mean... No, no, no. Yeah, indeed. But my point being, though, is that Fulham have, they've not been brilliant. Obviously, as you say, they've won four of their last six against Forrest. To be quite frank, Forrest, the way they pressed Fulham, if Sean Dyche knew how to unlock even just a little bit of some quality attacking players' potential, or not even potential, their actual talent, Forrest would have won that game.

45:32It was all classic Sean Dyche stuff. up and at them, press you know, press them high as well because Fulham try and a little bit play out from the back and reduce Fulham to just playing long balls. So Forrest actually, most of the game is played in Fulham's half which is quite rare at the Cottage. I understand that Fulham are not one of the best teams in the league or anything but they do try and play a little bit more attacking style. So Forrest equipped themselves well. They just created nothing. And then one silly error and that was the only difference. So Fulham, you know, if West Ham beat Fulham at home, I don't think it's going to surprise anybody hugely.

46:06But right now, West Ham are shite. Nuno hasn't made much of a difference at all, which is really worrying for them. It feels to me like the conversation has been closed by the football media about West Ham and Nottingham Forest because people have gone, Nuno's in, they'll be fine. Dyche's in, they'll be fine. Neither is true. Neither is true. Dyche has lifted Forest to an extent, but they've been inconsistent. you're absolutely spot on about their inability to really make the most of their attacking talent which I think is the deal that they did when they got Daishin they kind of knew that was coming he'll be gone in the summer whatever happens but they've had some good wins right they beat Spurs they beat Liverpool but generally speaking they can't kind of put a run together to really lift themselves out of there West Ham have been terrible they've been terrible and so just because Nuno's in there it doesn't mean they're automatically going to stay up Nuno's done bad jobs in his career as well.

47:04I know he's been brilliant at places, but he's also been bad. So, you know, it's interesting to see how that kind of manifests itself. You know, Fulham, you know, this is unscientific, but going to West Ham in a game at three o 'clock on a Saturday that no one notices is exactly the kind of game they'll lose. Well, this is the problem, but they have to target that as a win because it's there for the taking. Fulham are a better side than them. They have to go there and go on the front foot. And the difference is, as we were saying this about West Ham and, say, Leeds, who a lot of people think it's a straight shootout with.

47:37But you're right, Forrest have still got to get points. But they've got Man City next as well. So this is a massive opportunity for West Ham. Yes, but with the difference between Leeds and West Ham, Leeds can't wait for their next Premier League fixture. Those fans can't wait for it. They are buzzing. They absolutely love it. At West Ham, they're just a few poor passes. You know, Fulham get on top for five minutes, whatever. The crowd will start groaning. They'll start turning. And I'll tell you what, Fulham really should make it a very, very difficult afternoon for West Ham. Unfortunately for Fulham, they're missing a few attacking options and whatnot.

48:11So I wouldn't expect them, if they do win, I don't think they would give them a gubbing or anything like that. But an early goal against West Ham, you know what the home fans are going to do. So West Ham, they are really in the mire. And it's no wonder they're being linked to Strand-Larsen because they need something. They absolutely do. If you're Strand-Larsen, why on earth would you go there when you can clearly go somewhere better, whether it's in January or in June. But yeah, like West Ham needs something. And I know that they're reportedly out for going after Adama Traore, who Nuno obviously loves and has worked with.

48:47I mean, he might offer a little bit more something, but... Really? Traore? Yeah, I mean... A little bit more something. That'll be a testament of his career. Yeah, it'll also be an improvement on what he does offer because it's rarely something, isn't it? I think well I think he's a handy player to have I don't think he's a starter but I don't think that's going to inspire too many West Ham fans as you've already kind of suggested they will have the opportunity as you say because you know Fulham have some players missing or away to make their feelings about him very clear if he gets on the pitch so that'll be a message to the board potentially yes indeed I base that on a West Ham fan friend of mine who is just like just essentially turned into Eeyore at the very mention of Adama Traore possibly signing for his club.

49:32Most of them, in my experience, turn to Eeyore at the very mention of the club West Ham. Yeah, I was going to say, you need to mention players who don't even play for them. It's a real shit show out there. And I think we're all amazed that Nuno hasn't turned things around. Could still do, but it needs to do it pretty bloody quickly. Well, Fulham versus Forest wasn't the best of games, admittedly. Let's hope West Ham versus Fulham is. if it isn't a good game could we see scenes reminiscent to what we saw at Rangers versus Hibs recently with someone with an iPad up watching Elf the film Elf. This is great behaviour yeah.

50:11You can live a screen these days when we went to watch the Charlatans of course at Troxie in East London Pete brought his little iPad or wherever it was and he was watching Everton Newcastle so I that's the kind of attention he normally gives a Newcastle games when he's making those Bruno Gimera shouts guys just so you know oh god hey I'd go have a dig at him can't I not while he's not here I suppose you care it's the perfect time to do it it's much easier when he's not here I haven't got to deal with it he's meant to be hosting this show today he's not because he's got flu it's Christmas and you're loving that fucking Molotov cocktail is right with a little Christmas bow on it yeah I'm sorry but Pete if you're listening he won't be listening I'm sorry I think this is good behaviour I think it's Christmas Rangers are dreadful you can multi-screen everyone multi-screens these days you know I'll be watching the odd game no when he said multi-screen he was at the game yeah well there's okay it's a big real life screen in front of him yeah is that it multi-screen the screen of your eyeball so anybody watching any TV is like technically multi-screen if something else all I'm saying is if you are a supporter of the team I support they're pretty often when you go you are thinking about what's on telly someone else somebody stick elf on would you Yeah, it doesn't have to be Elf Marcus.

51:29Any film. Any Christmas film on the big screen. Yeah, some of it a Muppets Christmas Carol. Now, there's no huge away trip in the Premier League this weekend, but the same can't be said for Portugal's top flight. Last Sunday, there was a game between Aruca and Santa Clara. Santa Clara are from the Azores, which are basically in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, pretty much. It's from Portugal to the Azores. it's 900 miles one fan made the trip for that game which finished nil-nil I saw him in the crowd what was the crowd he's on his own yeah pleasing to keep a clean sheet but the whole team went to greet him at the end of the game which is quite nice he absolutely loved it but 900 miles there and then 900 back I can't believe we've missed this that's an amazing thing to be in the Portuguese top flight isn't it what a trip that is absolutely extraordinary but lovely that the whole team went to greet him at the end though.

52:26What I love about Santa Clara is if you look at their squad, they're made up of essentially just Portuguese or Brazilian players, which makes sense, right? Because it's about halfway between. Yeah. And the only other foreign player they've got that I can see is a guy from Cape Verde. Make sense? Yep. Great. Another Islander. Yeah. Would you go there though? If a club wanted to sign you, would you want to go there? Would you want to play there? If the price is not. It's a lot of travel. 1800 mile round trip for every away game you'd want your games in batches right you would say right can we have three home games then like three away games and we'll just stay on mainland Portugal for it yeah you think they should do that maybe they do do that do you know the best the most well known Portuguese player to come from the Azores is God no can you guess it's not a joke Marcus don't look at me like that it's disappointing the great the great Pauletta is from the Azores oh wow he started his career at Santa Clara in fact oh get a load of that Yeah, he got a lot of goals for Portugal, obviously, and played for him in two World Cups.

53:27So he's the most famous alumnus from there that I could work out. Good to hear that. Thanks for listening to the Football Ramble part of the ACAST Creator Network. We're back tomorrow for that Christmas edition of My Biddy Aunt. But friends of the Ramble, don't go anywhere. Keep listening for Ramble Uncut. And if you're not a friend of the Ramble, head over to patreon.com forward slash football ramble to sign up now. Merry Christmas, you beauties. Thanks very much, Jim. Thank you and Merry Christmas everybody Thanks Luke Thank you very much Merry Christmas Merry Christmas and thank you very much Santa Claus

54:07The Football Ramble is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network