The Preview Show: Spelgium

0:00I can feel the earth begin to move everybody. Welcome to the Football Ramble Preview Show. The Premier League is back and it's Friday 21st November. I'm Marcus Speller. I'm Luke Moore. And I am Pete Donaldson.

0:24Hello everybody. It's Friday in beautiful Britain and it's lovely to have you with us. Beautiful Britain. It is a nice day out there Like Turkey's changed to Turkey We're now beautiful Britain Big beautiful Britain I'm trying to change the narrative B squared B squared It's trying to put some confidence in the economy peak Exactly In all of us quite frankly We can all do better You consider yourself the nation's confidence booster I try to be Are you the CEO of UK PLC? I don't know what that is But I like all the European competitions But I think I'm trying to get confidence back in the nation using organic methods.

1:02Yeah. There's no nasty chemicals in mind. There's no paid spend behind Mark's opinion. It's all organic growth. Yes. Yeah. I want to say thank you to everyone who voted for us in the Football Content Awards, by the way. Due to your support, we were given a bronze award for Best Content Creator. Podium! Podium! Podium! Easy to climb up because it's the bottom one. Exactly. If you're tired after a heavy race of podcasting. Yeah, who wants to climb to the top? No, I want to be on the top one. Climb on the first. Can I interject very briefly just to say, I do all share your thanks to everyone who voted for us.

1:33I didn't even know this was happening. Right. It caught us all by surprise. Yeah. But as always, we couldn't do any of this without you. So on behalf of everyone at the Football Ramble... Sounds like we could. Oi. What? Just saying. You didn't know what was happening. You're dressed like a 1980s American sportscaster today, Peter. I'm on the links. Rob Burgundy. You should be delighted with this. Yeah. So on behalf of everyone at the Football Ramble, we're disappointed that you didn't get us the gold quite frankly a huge thank you for your continued support and if you would like to help the show even further we'd love it if you could leave us a five star review wherever you listen to the show that way more people can join this wonderful Ramble community dare I suggest family dare I suggest country a big beautiful Ramble country a BBRB we're our own nation we have to be careful with that because obviously Belarus puppet state Vassal state of the...

2:26Well, you're also funded by the Russians, so it's fine. I said it was organic, clean methods. Are you a vassal state of the Luke Nation? Is that what you're saying? Can't I... He's always talking down London. Can I be one of our allies? Like... You need... Spelgium. Spelgium! Spelgium! Neutral! It's a... Neutral! Nice! Very neutral. And Pete, we of course will guarantee Marcus's neutrality if we have to. If there's any kind of Schlieffen plan going on, we'll be straight in there to defend it. We don't have an army, but we've got some strong friends. We've got an army boy. Don't worry about that.

2:58Don't you worry about that. The Luke Nation's an army. Yes, indeed. And you'll see why later today. Oh, no. I'm quaking already. Keeps his armies up his sleeveies. That's what I've heard. Just like the man with the penis, Napoleon. FSA Awards, though. The vote is closed on that, right? I believe so. Thank you for getting involved with that as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you want to sort of poke a few more votes into the box. Stuff that box. Stuff that box. Do your work. We're going to need some hanging chads, don't we? Yeah, we do, definitely. Marcus is you know last time Marcus fucked the trophy yes it's a very crass way of putting how would you say I gently caressed it with my penis my appendage sounds worse okay yeah well pancaked his testicles against the glass resin I heard this year there was suit trousers in between I heard this year lovely friction I heard this year he's going to shove it right up his bum hole yeah that's the noise it'll make so yeah that's the start of December we'll let you know Vassal State if we win we'll let you know otherwise we're going to pretend it didn't happen yeah exactly we're not going to mention it again we're going to punch it into Grok that we won it anyway oh dear Grok bags now then Arsenal v Tottenham is happening this weekend in the Premier League where's the international football gone I know I was really enjoying it you were enjoying it just one more game one more game one more game they do the cockteasers at FIFA they give it all your way for wherever it is they give us the little draw for the playoffs don't they yeah that's right yes here's a little draw Italy playing who is it Northern Ireland take it away again yeah not yet not till March yeah not till March Christmas will be a distant memory by the time it comes around now we've got to suffer through a North London derby and none of these crests or flags have little Union Jack motifs to Marcus exactly you mean St George's Cross or St George's Cross whatever it's still insipid isn't it get it right because it's important to Marcus hang it upside down and it's the same.

4:54Right. Yes. Now, Arsenal host Tottenham Hotspur Sunday 4.30. Whatever you're doing, get your eyes on that. But it's injury news. We start with injury news, which is disappointing. Mainly on the Spurs side of the lead journey. Well, but Gabriel. Oh, yes. Picked up a muscle injury. We're playing for Brazil and he'll be out for one to two months. And this is the injury that I think Arsenal fans feared the most. Because he puts his head on every single ball. Yeah. Every ball. Defending, attacking, scoring, you name it. Every ball. sometimes when I'm seeing Arsenal warm up you know you have all these balls to warm up with and there's like a pile of balls in the background sometimes if you look carefully you can see Gabriel like a slug right he can't resist it no he can't he's like an earthworm he headers the ball it goes through his body and he recycles the ball I saw him try it ahead of the moon once yeah I did too he didn't manage it no he did do it he put a big crater in the fucker yeah but he managed to grab some stars he did yeah but this is where the rub hits the road for Arsenal isn't it this is the thing that they all feared and I think they'll be alright against Spurs.

5:53Well, but it's not at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Because Spurs, I mean, they've got the best away record in the Premier League. They are quite simply a husband that hates their family. Don't want to go home. Well, joint with Arsenal and picked up 13 points on the road. Yeah, but Arsenal's also famously very good at home as well. Well, Arsenal are a better team. Much, much better. Yeah, you're a better team. And he advances on 13. He's never, he's never, he treads a tightrope. People watch him or see Marcus as a good host. He's a good host. Thanks. Great at what he does. Exceptional one. Liquid hosting.

6:20I love sitting opposite him. He's a great host. But he is always, you must never forget, he is always walking a tightrope and on one side's Brucie and on the other side's Alan Partridge and he's going straight for the middle. That's the best horse. I thought you were going to say Nick Heuer. To be a horse, you have to be slightly Partridge-y. Totally. It's a compliment. It's the way it is. He's one of the greatest entertainers this country has ever seen. Ever. And Nick Heuer is not presenting currently, so he's not... But he has been a host. Right. Yeah, he has. It's a quite recent concern in the Horsting game wasn't he came to it late didn't he to be fair to him like Les Ferdinand yeah like Ian Wright plucked him from the non-league hosting he was doing some bingo he was no Lord Sugar's one of his right hand people exactly yeah but he was like this is not well look anyway Arsenal they're out without Gabriel that's a big one it's a big loss for them it is and it'll be a challenge to see how they overcome it and you're right I think to say that Spurs being away from home is a big factor in this Peter it looks like Frank wants Spurs to play like Brentford played.

7:20And I think it's tough to do that when you're a big club and a big stadium at home because the fans expect more. They demand more. And I think Spurs feel very uncomfortable making the running, taking the game to the other team. In a way, I know this sounds a little bit counterintuitive because Arsenal, as you've rightly said, Marcus, are a much better team. I mean, we all know that. But it will suit them to go in there as underdogs, be away from home, be able to react. I think Thomas Frank is very, very good at setting teams up to soak and strike, if you like. Is that an original soak and strike?

7:52Soak and strike. Yeah, I think it might be another big power for that one. All my phrases are big power. I like that. And so if they can do that, if they can weather a storm and they can focus on a potential area of weakness for Arsenal, which is this centre-back area now, which has been their amazing strength in recent months, of course, then it might make for an interesting Sunday tea time treat. what I would say to you Marcus is slice yourself up a lovely bit of Battenberg sit back and enjoy it the thing is he eats the whole Battenberg and he just peels off the marzipan off the sides he loves the marzipan to be honest I have to be careful now because if I peel off the marzipan then I forget about the sponge yeah exactly could you do a whole one?

8:35oh I don't know I'm not a cake man but I could probably do three slices and a cup of tea yeah that's great stuff take away the cup of tea and you're there But Spurs' plan here has to be use the occasion. Sorry to interrupt on the football thing because I think you'll enjoy this. Hang on, he had a cunning plan for Spurs. Thomas Frank Bart. Frank's on tender hooks. Can you imagine Marcus dipping a whole Battenberg in a big glass of water like Joey Chestnut and you're shoving it down his throat? Who's Joey Chestnut? The hot dog eater. Yeah, I probably can. Yeah, could you do that? No, you're not appreciating the marzipan and everything.

9:08You're just basically doing it. You're making the marzipan needlessly soggy, Luke. It wasn't worth it. Carry on. I think, like you say, Luke, the plan for Spurs has to be get physical, use the occasion to your advantage, and try and hit him on a free kick. Because that's the only way, possibly in the air. Have they got many tall players? I suppose they're not particularly important in Spurs, are they? You're saying beat them at their own game. Beat them at their own game. Well, because they're losing a quite handy, in the air, head monster. Now, it's been reported that Martin Udegaard has returned from injury and could feature.

9:39So, that would... I mean, it'd be interesting and if he did feature, if he's going to be on the bench or would he start. We've seen Arsenal, though, playing pretty well without him. I'm sure he'll get back in the side. I don't think you'd sort of push it at the start of a pretty heavy sort of league campaign over the Christmas sort of month. Perhaps not. But he will come back in the side at some point. Ebereche Eze, who's been playing more centrally, do you think, you know, would he try and accommodate him as well in there, Luke? Or do you think Eze might go out on the left? One of you lads were saying this week, it might have been you Marcus about SA can play off the left because we're talking about in the context of playing for England right?

10:17Well I mean for Crystal Palace I mean they played with like two tens as we say but I mean he was like off the left so he was sort of left centre So he could move further out and Trostov would come onto the bench Yeah and the way they play with their fullbacks I mean he could still do that kind of routine Yeah I do think it's worth saying I mean we there's not been a time in recent memory where Spurs haven't had some kind of injury crisis and I really mean that Oh but they're still top of the Premier League injury table They always are and I think that But it is worth saying that it's not just Gabriel that Arsenal have got missing.

10:45They've obviously had Havertz missing. Maduweke, Erdegaard you mentioned. Kjorkovic is a doubt for this game. They might have to start with Mourinho up front. So it might well be who manages these injuries best. Now Spurs are much better at dealing with them because they're so used to it. But I found that Spurs at their worst, they don't seem to have a real quality ball carrier. And I think Simmonds has found it really tough and he'll find it very tough at the Emirates. he will I mean Arsenal are a very intense side very strong in central midfield as we know so he'll find it tough again and people might remember me saying this a number of weeks ago now I'm not the huge the biggest fan of James Madison but when I saw them against Chelsea I was like that's what he gives you he was so glaring in his absence because he wants to be on the ball all the time he can carry the ball he doesn't need two or three extra touches like Simmons needs I mean Simmons seems to be struggling with the pace of the Premier League with Palina and Bentancourt behind Simmons, who will probably play.

11:44Palina's brilliant at winning the ball back, but as you've seen, Marcus, he's probably quite limited with the ball. And Bentancourt's lost a yard and a half since he's had all those injury problems and doesn't seem to be able to be truly progressive. So the big player that kind of sets things up for Spurs when Madison's not around is Romero. Like Christian Romero steps out and plays passes incisively sometimes. So look, I think it depends who manages this injury thing better. Arsenal are a much better team but I actually wouldn't write Spurs off I think they've got a chance they've definitely got a goal with them they could definitely score away from home do they need to be a little bit American football like let Mickey van der Ven pick the ball up deep and then everyone just barge everybody out of the way I'd love to see that I'd love to see that that's their new tactic Arsenal have only lost one of their last 32 home Northland and Derbys in the league wow I mean that was a record isn't it you'd say history was against them on this one but I'd like to see them score because like you said it looks like they're going to have to go and Marino up top, which is mad that they happen to do this again.

12:44Now, Tottenham Hotspur are reportedly facing legal pressure over the use of Barry Manilow's song, Can't Smile Without You, which they play before matches. And this goes back quite a long way with Spurs. This song's kind of synonymous with the club. Apparently it started in the 70s when one of the Spurs guys, they were singing it on the bus and the fans were there and blah, blah, blah. Well, one of the writers of that song, who I think released it three years before Barry Manilow, but he has sort of the definitive version. Happens to be an Arsenal fan and he's claimed that the club keeps rejecting his request for royalties over the use of the song.

13:17This is nonsense though, isn't it? This has to be a nonsense story and I'll tell you why because that's just not how it works as far as I know. Spurs will have a PRS license to play music publicly in the stadium. It is then the responsibility of the PRS to distribute the royalties accordingly to the songwriters. You don't have to pay them out separately, do you? But do you not think that the actual, the way they've sort of used it on like T4s and stuff in the past might kind of navigate that? Well, it depends on the terms of the PRS, what it comes to what it does. Well, the PRS license covers the broadcast of it, I suppose.

13:47So they will be covered. And they're covered with anything that they play. But if that becomes a theme of your club, I suppose it's kind of, I mean, I guess it changes if it's being put into social media and stuff. Let me remind you, he's an Arsenal fan. He is an Arsenal fan. Sue him, get him. That's all he said in the email. I mean, is that acceptable? I mean, you say legal pressure. it's just one man going can you stop this please I don't even think he wants any money so your argument would be then that there's essentially an extra commercial element to it beyond the PRS's purview it's an adoption of a branding I suppose more than the actual playing physically every match interesting angle in case though I'd like to see it test in court I'd like to see it test in court lovely when I hear it I think to myself straight away thank fuck for it's not Sweet Caroline again yes that'll do me that'll be fine that's it you see As long as it's not Sweet Caroline, I'm happy.

14:36We're all on board. Maybe, though, if he does get some royalties, that he goes to Arsenal Football Club. If you love him that much. Yeah, exactly. That's a good one. Little checkmate for you. Get him your central defender. You'll be giving those royalties to Arsenal, will you? You'll be living at Arsenal. They'll be going towards Gabriel's recovery, will they? Or signing Durian Timber's twin brother, Quinton. Yeah. This was a nice little plot twist. Do you like that? Yeah, it was interesting. Currently at Feyenoord. I never knew he existed, to be honest. No. There's a third one called Dylan Timbers.

15:06He's an older brother. I don't think he's a twin, though. I don't think he's a... He would be a twin, would he? Because then there'd be triplets. Well, I would request, you know, checking out how rigorous the reporting is on this story. But has there ever been three triplets who all play professional football? There's a question for you. I don't think there can't have been, surely. I don't think not. Chances would be very slim. Yeah, even like brothers is kind of rare. The Amiobis. They're not twins, are they? They're all twins. Sorry, they're all brothers. They're all brothers. I'm talking about twins specifically, Peter.

15:32I know. I know you are there's two twins very famously aren't there Peter that play for both of our clubs Jacob Murphy and Josh Murphy Josh Murphy didn't Chris Euton made one of them wear red shoes because he couldn't tell a difference they are identical twins they are identical twins it's difficult red shoes I just said one of you has to wear different shoes so I know which one you are ok discrimination is discriminatory well if they're going to sign Quinton it'll be quite enjoyable I think couple of timbers in there and up the Premier League they go so it's an intriguing one the North London Derby 4.30 on Sunday get your Battenberg out and enjoy that they can't go any further up the table can they because they're top of it ah that's a good point yeah we'll stay there then alright coming up after this inspirational that coming up after this Lazio have replaced Juan Bernabe

16:28has anyone ever made a circular Battenberg

16:34yeah and I know we're not experts you know we're not doctors we're not scientists but welcome back who cut that beautiful lovely lovely Wolverhampton Wondra's host Crystal Palace tomorrow at 3pm Wolves the only club in England's top seven tiers without a win that is an absolutely damning statistic that is a damning statistic well something that could be south of the wolves' wounds is that Rob Edwards is there. Yeah, and it seems to be some kind of like unsatisfied blood oath of why he's gone back there. Because they are diabolically bad. Middlesbrough are flying. They're also, I mean, the whole town of Middlesbrough is absolutely beside themselves with anger that he's done the off.

17:22Well, Middlesbrough, it has to be love. It just has to be love. When their parting statement to Edwards, they didn't thank him. They didn't wish him well. They just said, yeah, we tried. he's gone, compensation was agreed, so they were out. Yeah, and I don't mind that. He's got brain worms. I don't think they were nasty. You're allowed to be pissed off with it, aren't you? Yeah, because I think people were like, they had a dig at him and stuff. It's like, yeah, they never sort of said, and we hope Wolves go down. We hope we're not playing them next season because we'll be up and they'll be down.

17:47Don't have to hope. Yeah, we'll assume that you think that because you want to be promoted. But I think that, he basically said it himself, hasn't he? If it wasn't any other club, I wouldn't go. He played there a lot, affinity for them. It's probably a little bit unfair to say that or to mention that his time as a Premier League manager has been poor because obviously he came up with Luton and the odds were stacked against him to say the least and to even be there was amazing. Is this a worse job right now? Yeah, I don't. He's got a better squad at Wolves you would say than Luton. I don't know.

18:19All of those players over the past season like Cunha and places and Neto and stuff they've all gone. They've sold a lot. They were the players that used to get you out of jail and now there's just nobody there Strand Larson but you're right and I I think I do think this Wolves team have a better squad than Luton but the spirit is very low Luton had already won a Premier League game at this point they won it at Goodison Park they beat Everton so yeah I mean I think this Wolves team I think a better squad than Luton's side I would say but the spirit is very low with Wolves because there was a bit of a fairytale kind of feel with Luton and ultimately it didn't keep them up it felt like a free hit didn't it Yeah, dude, yeah.

19:00This situation at Wolves is absolutely dire, as you say. It is a romantic story, Marcus, but I do sort of think him coming in at the club and you sort of say the right things when you sort of join a club and you sort of say, look, every player's got a clean slate now. I'm not going to think about what went before. I was like, please think about what went before because the people who have season tickets probably have very strong opinions about their dirty slates. I think there's a lot of players who have dirty slates. Can you look at their slates and then clean them? How dirty are the slates, do you reckon?

19:24Absolutely gopping. Filthy. It's like a Petri dish. Oh, dear. dirty slits get them slits clean I have to say like I there's hope in your heart for this isn't there no there isn't that's what I was about to say I don't know I don't know what Wolves fans think of Rob Edwards generally I don't know if they think oh yeah he's you know he put a shift in here and blah blah blah but I can't imagine too many Wolves fans go ah that's we're a bit hopeful now we've had a manager change because it wasn't working and this guy's going to come in and sort it out but their options for appointments were so poor and that tells you the story.

19:59That's why they needed to tug on old Rob Edwards' heartstrings and promise him a verse and a chorus of Always in the town square after his first win, presumably. In about May. They're already down. May is harsh. It shows you the situation there. And I know he, we know he previously played for them, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, all that sort of stuff. But is he a legend there? Is he, you know... He will be he keeps him up well indeed so I get I get his feeling towards the club I wonder if his presence there is enough to give the fans a lift because you notice the fans can then try and give the players a lift they'll have a go obviously but it can it'd be a great story if he manages to get anything out of this season yeah but maybe from the much maligned chairman etc you probably think it's probably a bit of a championship move as well you know if you go down you might get back up again he's really good in the championship he's really good in the championship Can't say that in a statement, can you?

21:00I think it'll be a real baptism of fire for him against Palace. They remain a really good away side. I mean, they're a good side all over anyway, but I think we'll find a lot out about Edwards, whether A, he can deliver the mentioned clean slate and give everyone a lift at the start of a new tenure, or whether they are going to continue to be out of their depth with a manager who's not shown any pedigree in the Premier League so far. So I wish him well. I think he seems like you know seems like an alright guy and clearly he wants to do wants to do it which probably puts him above every other candidate because look how bad Sir Ampton were in the state to get a new manager last season and they couldn't get anyone so but I think they might find this a bit as I say a bit of a baptism of fire at the weekend yeah they're also much better in every department well they are Wolves reportedly exploring the option of trying to bring Connor Cody back as a coach bloody hell bring him back as a player yeah I know you can't get the Wrexham side but I mean really yeah So it seems unlikely that will happen.

21:57I mean, Connor Cody's only 32, and as I say, he's playing for Wrexham, albeit not that much. But we'll see. It'll be a nice one. I think Connor Cody would be very welcome back there. Turning our attention to Crystal Palace, did you see that Daniel Munoz was giving an interview recently, and he admitted that playing for Manchester United would be a dream come true. Yeah. And it's one of those interviews. One of those dreams, the way I haven't got any trousers on you, you're in your school. Daniel Munoz does the absolute classic speak to media outlet while I'm on international duty in my home country move in my home language and once again expect it not to be translated or reported in the country footballers will never stop doing this it's absolutely demented they do this it's like they get some kind of freedom and they think oh back in the old back in the old country I can really see what I want now see what I feel yeah it's like they think it's like pre-internet days by the time this telegram arrives it'll be this summer well I think what it is is that I don't obviously look Crystal Palace aren't sending a press officer with him to Colombia where I presume he was they're not going to send one all the way there just in case he says something stupid footballers regularly want to say stupid things and there's no one to stop them and I guess the press person at Colombia the Colombia Football Association doesn't fucking care so he's just like yeah whatever and then the whole thing gets translated back it's mad I remember Raul Jimenez doing this when he was playing for Wolves when he was he was having a really good that season he had and they were asking him and saying you know would you like to move to a big club like you know such and such and such and he was like yeah what are they are they interested you know I mean it's the thing like everybody knows how football works quite clearly Daniel Munoz an incredibly talented player don't ruin this Danny I was enjoying you here don't go to Man United yeah you've just won the FA Cup you know what I mean he's having a lovely old time and that particular quote was when he was talking about he dreamed to play for a big club and he said Barcelona, PSG, Real Madrid or Manchester United like these clubs so he's not even he's not like he's gone yeah then he was like these clubs and then he named them but it's almost like he's failed a concussion protocol like who's the president it's the 90s still I don't know he's probably thinking who's top of the charts Fugees yeah maybe Man United massive club massive definitely want to go there do you think though all the talk about wing backs and he's thinking I'll tell you what Man United but I think with Muniz again Palace fans like any fan of any kind of non-Champions League regular playing club and even that as Newcastle United found you know you can still lose your best players everyone's aware obviously if like Real Madrid or Barstow came in for him Man United is a bit but you know he could have said at least Liverpool but like just don't say it I think that's it like everybody knows you know a whopping great bid comes in from the club you kind of know it but when he actually says it you kind of go ah come on come on you romantic Marcus At least give us the illusion that you've not thought about this, that you're just getting on with your business, and then suddenly, there you are, son, triple your wages, you want to come and play in front of 80 ,000 a week, here we go, and then the cogs start going.

25:05Whereas if you're already like, are they here yet? You know, you're looking out the window. Or back in the day, the old-fashioned times, they used to at least say, well, of course, I'm very happy at Crystal Palace. Exactly. Well, he did say he was focusing on Palace and so on. Okay, fine. Yeah. Okay, good. The producer hasn't put that in the running order. perhaps quite nautily outrageous let's sue him like Trump sensationalism what producer Rory's done there he's edited Daniel Munoz's quotes just like the BBC did with Trump defund Rory defund him I wish you were for a billion dollars I'm going to sue our producer for a billion yeah let's give it a go in Florida well let's find out what he's got and we'll take that he'll melt in that heat yeah anyway let's let's move on from odious individuals I like it when he does this because he always clips it on you.

25:53You think, what are we going to talk about now? Lazio. There we go. And also, of course, Crystal Palace, love an eagle, so from one eagle to another. He should have done that link, couldn't he? I mean, we brought Trump in, so I thought I'd go for a bit of a naughty one. A triple threat of eagles. American eagle, eagle, palace and eagle at Lazio. Nice. Three eagles. Well, they've hired a new eagle handler. Obviously, Juan Bernabe was dismissed after sharing images of his willy on social media when he had implant surgery. How's he getting on? I don't know. Is the button still working, do you reckon?

26:23Yeah. Do you reckon he's worn it out? I hope he's having it cleaned regularly. Or the button? I think it's internal, isn't it? All of it. It's a closed loop. It's not going to get dirty, is it? Okay. So he presses the button and he gets a big old stiffy. Yeah. Yeah. Bigger stiffy. It's like an engine. Yeah. Do you remember? I do remember. I'm just reminding our listeners. They might not think about this as much as we do. Was it pneumatic or hydraulic? I'm not sure. What's the difference? Well, I imagine one's liquid and one's air, isn't it? so I imagine that what did you go for was it a button or a pump I went for a mix I've got to get my engine serviced every year oh okay or 2 ,000 miles or whatever's sooner so hydraulic is water based yes and pneumatic is air based yes okay so I don't know which one depends if you've had the snip or not it's spunk based so hydraulic hydraulics we're all just hydraulics aren't we well anyway well water Bernabe's gone yeah but not forgotten he has okay their new handler is a guy called Giacomo Garutu who posted apparently on social media in 2018 saying, how Italy misses you, my Benito.

27:26So like for like. Wan got busted for the fascist stuff as well. Got suspended, didn't he? Busted is sadly too strong a word to use. He got suspended for the fascist stuff and fired for the cock stuff. And that's the right way around. Yeah. That is the right way around. Fascism, don't do it again. Implanted cock. They are a history blight on European football. Does fascism lead to flaccidism? Flaccidism. Yeah, flaccidism. Does that make me that? I think there's probably a link between that. I think there's a big link between people with fascistic tendencies and erectile dysfunction, for sure. Do you reckon?

28:01For sure. Okay. Because they're trying to reclaim their masculinity, aren't they? Is that what it is? Yeah. And won't they sponsor HIMSS? Yeah. Are we sponsored by HIMSS at the moment? We might be. They'd sponsor everything. I thought that was hair loss, though. Hair loss, ED, everything. ED. He's done the reads. Just general sadness. They've got a pill for everything. So a few seconds on that read-sounding ED rather than that. I'll dysfunction it. ED phone home, of course. Now, so what do we think then? Not of course, actually. You brought that in. Just let me have my mind on sequitur. You're talking about this.

28:31You said, what do we think about this? I think fascism is bad. I think someone in a public position of influence should not be lamenting the passing of Benito Mussolini. No, right. And that's the end of it. And we shouldn't have to say it. Yeah, that's the end of it. In 2021, inexplicably, we constantly do. Hang on, hang on, hang on. I just want the alternative viewpoint, Peter. Right. BBC balance. I dress like an Italian cashier. Exactly. Exactly. All right, fine. I think we've heard enough of that. Coming up after this, Erling Haaland has turned into an actual robot. Oh.

29:17Now then, Peter, at 5.30 tomorrow, Newcastle United are going to kick off against Manchester City. And Erling Haaland is a great example of the Aryan super race. So there's a link for you if you want to go back to fascism again. Don't project that on him. He's actually very good on YouTube. He's just started a YouTube channel and he's just doing YouTube stuff. I saw, let me tell you something now. We started on the Ramble YouTube about a year and a half ago. It's going well, grown steadily. One of the fastest growing football channels out there. I'm very pleased with that. I saw Haaland do one video a day in the life of early Haaland and within two days it had 7 million views the guy is a superstar you need to up your goal record I do your goal record start scoring goals it'll be fine yeah he's got 99 in the Premier League I mean that is 99 at a fair lick there was a shot of his there was a somebody had plotted his national goals compared to Messi and Ronaldo and stuff and he is like if he keeps going I don't think he could but if he does I mean he's going to be I'll tell you why Pete doesn't think he can because Pete is very biased about the physical longevity of big men.

30:20Yes, yeah, yeah. He thinks big men die younger, the bodies break down because of all the pressure and you've been holding on to that for some time, haven't you? Well, it's a big wish for film. Exactly, yeah. For every hand shelf you do on my shoulder. Yeah, it takes a year off my life. It takes a year off your life. Yeah, I mean... I'm soon for the chop then. I'll be at your fucking funeral son. I'll be saying a few things. your spikes will keep you going well Harlan eager 99 goals he'll reach 100 goals of course in 109 games if he scores at the weekend and that would beat Alan Shearer's record which is 124 games so he's got 15 games to spare so he's basically going to beat it anyway and Shearer's record is very impressive of course but my goodness well you didn't you didn't think that so Shearer's record felt like a true outlier for a very very long time it was only when Kane started doing what he did and people started to have that conversation the season before he left for Bayern Munich.

31:14But Kane took a while to get going. He did. A little while. And the problem is, I suppose, for those of us who want Haaland to beat Shearer's overall record of 260 Premier League goals. Do you want him to do it? I don't really care. Some people might. The problem is, I don't think, it doesn't feel to me like he'll stay at City for that long. No, I don't. And it doesn't feel to me either it'll go to any other Premier League club. Despite signing the contract, which is from now until goodness knows where. Yeah, but I mean... That's just protecting your investment there, isn't it? Yeah. Do you not think that like Shearer's thing presumably would he have started at where was he Southampton pre-Premier League so he probably had a couple of years of developmental I think he had a few seasons before the Premier League outside of the Premier League so the Premier League record I'll confirm that for you Peter thank you very much he was up and running by the time you know the Premier League started so his Premier League record is probably quite good because he started a little bit older that said Erling Haaland's probably probably done the same thing so 23 of his league goals Alan Shearer's came before the Premier League Premier League's inception so he's up and running the rubber has hit the road it has two very impressive goal scorers and Newcastle United are going to have to try to stop young Erling which is no mean feat of course but Peter did you see a video was released recently of a man interacting with an AI version of Erling Haaland I thought it was quite impressive on one level and on another level I thought this is just like billionaires wanting to be footballers isn't it because when you see the system it uses advanced motion tracking neural rendering and real-time animation to recreate lifelike player behavior.

32:43So you see the guy, I mean, he doesn't actually have a football, but he's sort of kicking an air ball, if you like, to Haaland, who's on the screen. Yeah. And then he's reacting as he's going to kick it because at one point the guy boots the ball and Haaland moves out of the way as if where the ball would have gone, and he waves his arm. And I thought, oh, we're dangerously close to ruining everything, aren't we? So you know when you see, I'm going to pick you a lot more insight than this on me, but very quickly, you know when you see AI generating stuff of that nature or other kind of animated nature what's the actual point of it what's the utility of it I mean just a nice little thing to put it's the sort of thing you'd see quite a lot do you remember the Xbox Kinect in the sort of mid-noughties that was kind of like a motion tracking thing there's nothing here that hasn't been done a million times before you see it like you see it in like museums and stuff don't you that sort of stuff to me it just looks a bit like when I had the Wii controller and then Tennis Go and play the tennis shot yeah I mean there's no point to it but there's no point to anything really is there You'll get very wealthy people, have loads of screens around them, there'll be loads of players and they'll be like, oh yeah, I'm playing a game of football.

33:46I was reading the other day. We do that on FIFA. Yeah. We've got to do it down the park. Play an actual game down the park with your mate. FIFA with the old virtual reality goggles on, you're there. Yeah. You're already there. Drinking raw milk with Erling. Yeah. In his bedroom. If you want to be like Erling Haaland, really, get some of that milk down. Yeah. But Newcastle's going to get it pumped in this match. Do you think so? Yeah. With big, Nick. they've had some humpdingers in the past Newcastle against Man City and they always try really hard but they never really get much out of these matches I was reading about in the last five years or so in all competitions City have had quite a lot of joy at St James' Park so make of that what you will and Newcastle are in a real they've really not started this season so they need something out of it but maybe this will be the Catalyst maybe Nick Fulton-Marder will pop up with a headed goal probably well he did well in the international break he did it's nice to see him getting the ball in the box which he's sort of been unable to do for Newcastle he's been dropping very deep out of necessity I feel though that with Newcastle you know the injury to Wiss has not helped because he would provide something they've one or two injuries and so on and obviously losing Isaac as well as they did you know blah blah blah blah there's still the sort of look yeah you're right I mean they're 14th in the league they've won three games out of 11 they've lost five They're six points in six places worse off compared to last season.

35:10Yeah, but they're doing all right in the Champions League. And that's the thing. Which they didn't have last season. Yeah, and they're still in the League Cup as well. You probably said the fixtures are relatively favourable compared to what they had last time. Yeah. Under the old system, obviously. Well, I mean, a tricky one away to Marseille, but that's on Tuesday. And I think... I'm going? Oh, yeah. I'm going. You bloody are. And I look forward to hearing how you get on. But I just think when you... Because, again, it's that sort of overload of fixtures. Like, what are we prioritising here?

35:34because they are going to have to prioritise somewhat. They have enough quality in the squad to see over a Brentford or a West Ham. They just have, they spend so much money. I don't understand that point because ultimately, they're a team that's backed by people who are richer than God and their ambitions are stated. And if you, at some point, you need to do what all the big clubs do, which is effectively manage your domestic and European commitments. And I don't think you can, I'm not saying Eddie Howe is doing this, but I don't think you can afford to hide behind the increased load because if I had one tilt at the Champions League and their league form suffered, if I do it again for the second time, it's like, well, what are we doing here?

36:16I'm not expecting to win the league or win the Champions League, but they need to better manage their load. Yeah, but when you talk about manage their load, I say prioritising manager load. I mean, I would argue that's semantics there because with what Newcastle have got to do, they're not going to win the league. They're definitely not going to win the league now. I think you're right. a good showing in the Champions League is what they're going for especially with the draw that they've had yeah and so I think to get out of the group stage of the Champions League the only sort of thing is are they going to win the Champions League almost certainly not but you've got to get back in there but it feels to me that your platform needs to be to get back in there every year well so therefore so I think in the early stages of this season what you're going to see is what we have seen already and we'll see a bit more of it is make sure you get through that group stage or you give yourself a good platform in the Champions League to go through because they've had injuries and they've had a little bit of comings and goings make sure you give a good showing in that Champions League because they know, based on last season, second half of the Premier League season, if you give it plenty, which they're capable of doing, you can get back in there in the top four or five.

37:15Especially this season as well. And also you saw the scenes when they won the Cup as well. That's why you'll see a good showing in maybe the League Cup, maybe when the FA Cup comes around. And then I think in the second half of the season you'll see more of the Premier League form that got them into the Champions League last season in 2026. well the good news is the aforementioned Volta Marder's two goals against Luxembourg who to be fair looked actually alright yeah yeah some of these I mean look at Andorra I don't know how to defend Volta Marder's two goals were Harland-esque I mean he basically did a Harland impression for both those goals so if he can I mean it's against Luxembourg if he can find that type of form and that kind of movement you've mentioned there Pete I think he'll go on to even greater heights I think he looks really well suited to the Premier League I love watching it he doesn't get it enough but I love watching him with the in an advanced position with the ball at his feet.

38:04He's such a skillful player for such a big one. He is a lovely player. I know what you're saying, Marcus, about the Vista team because if you think about it, we talked, didn't we, in the international break about players getting beyond Kane. If Valtemar can, it does want to drop deep a la Kane, lay the ball off and bust his bollocks to get into the box and Vista's ideal for that and he's been missing. You'd think that Gordon and to an extent Harvey Barnes and Murphy as well have made his reputation last season by kind of, what, picking up a huge amount of assists. he's got the players around him overall anyway to do that so hopefully he can spend more time in there yeah did you see that the aforementioned Harvey Barnes hasn't ruled out switching his international allegiances to Scotland I told you as soon as Scotland qualified now he says it yeah listen we were all seduced by that performance against them I've declared yeah I'm a Donaldson for crying out loud I could play for his Scotland as well so there we go it's not just Harvey and the funny thing is you could but I couldn't having lived there for 15 years no could you not become a naturalised Glaswegian?

39:01No, he's just not good enough. Glaswegian. I'm still hoping out for England. Yeah, okay, fine. Yeah, fine. Elsewhere in the Premier League, at 12.30 on Saturday, Burnley host Chelsea. There is breaking news, bad news for Chelsea, I say breaking news at the time of recording. Cole Palmer has suffered a toe injury in an accident at home. Oh, please give us more details, Cole. Yeah. It's bound to be something funny. He's a foot in a mousetrap. Was it a trademark bottle of aftershave? Foot in a mousetrap. it'll be something weird it's a signal though because he's been out for so long but he will miss the next three games Burnley, Barcelona and Arsenal he was set to return he was set to return for being out since September with a groin injury so really really annoying for Cole most of all of course but for the Chelsea fans and I think everybody I mean as England fans the chat about England's number 10s it's always like oh but Cole Palmer's got to come back and finally maybe he'll never come back waits for no man he'll be the spectre at the feast waits for no man as long as he's back in time for the March friendlies yeah but I'm sure Chelsea fans we don't need him though surely it's a cat among the pigeons you don't need the stress of having to worry about Gord Barmer coming in I offset that worry to Thomas Tuchel right as everybody should Marcus has devolved that he's a worry freelancer Thomas but anyway in terms of Chelsea it is a signal because they really could do with him even though they've been doing okay this season I mean they're third so you've got to say they've been doing more than okay but still I think there's they're such a funny side aren't they they're maligned but they're really quite good do you know what I mean yeah you can't quite put your finger on it there's something about Chelsea under Maresca and we saw it last season as well where you're like I just want a little bit more and I think there is a bit more and yet they win a couple of trophies and obviously qualify for Champions League and they're sitting in third at the moment I don't think they'll win the league I think that's probably a step too far but they could definitely do something this season certainly away to Burnley you would fancy them, Petey?

40:59Yes, I think Burnley are poor side, unfortunately. They're doing their very best for Parker, but I just think they're just not going to be in the Premier League next season and Chelsea's probably going to win this one. They're a big advert for how different and standard the Premier League is. If you look at Burnley 16 goals in total last season, they were airtight, really, really difficult to break down, difficult to score against, let alone beat. They've already considered quite a lot of goals in the Premier League this season. 22 of the buggers. Yeah, I know they had a bit of personnel changes around the stuff as well, but even so, it's just a brutal, brutal standard.

41:36That said, though... I feel like they've done okay, though. They have done okay. They've done better. I think they have. They've done better than the promoted teams did last season. Yeah, well, of course. I mean, they're only a couple of points behind Newcastle, but... I mean, they've been Wolves, but I mean... Well, I mean, yeah, but I think Burnley genuinely have done all right. I think that, you know, you are correct to say all the things you're saying, but I think they would have taken that. 10 points after 11 games when you've got Wolves who are really struggling. I understand we expect Forest to not hugely improve but you would expect them to do enough under Dyche.

42:09West Ham, again, you expect them to improve. So I get it. There's been green shoots at both those teams, hasn't there? Yeah, which I think is a bit of an annoying one for Burnley and Leeds and Fulham as well, blimey. So I, but as I said, I think they've done all right. You would expect Chelsea to win this one, especially as the mood in the camp will be very very good indeed because Estival has passed his driving test and it seemed to give the Brazil the national team a bit of a a bit of a perk up I saw this interview it was a very sweet interview it was because apparently Ancelotti announced the news over lunch where the camp was the Brazil team were having lunch and he said stop everybody hang on Estival's passed his test hey we're having ribs Estival asked for a day off for the test, didn't he?

42:56Yeah. And then he, because he said in the interview, he said that the move to Chelsea was kind of looming. And he said, I can't move to London without passing my driving test. Oh, yeah. I need to get it done. He didn't want to be. I mean, London's one of the greatest cities in the world to not drive a car. But of course, he's training in Cobham, which is right out there. He needs to be able to drive. And so he got it done. But he seemed like a very, very sweet boy. And also, I mean, this is not a revelation to anyone, but I am going to stick my neck out here anyway and say that I think he's going to be an absolute fucking superstar.

43:26He's going to be a world beater. Technically, he's absolutely amazing. He's got it all, hasn't he? He's definitely got it all. He's got that indefatigability you need as a young player. He's pacey. He's quick. He's got great technique. He loves a goal. I think if you look at the eight, I mean, it's one of those players, what I always think of when you look at the eye test on a player of that nature, he makes you forget how young he is. He's only 18. Do you feel almost like and it sounds a bit weird because a big move to Chelsea he's playing in the Premier League and I still feel like everything you're saying I agree with it's gone slightly under the radar I think he has a bit because he's not been starting every game and that'll suit him and it'll suit Chelsea as well because you know it's like the dim of the spotlight on you especially he's just enjoying playing football he loves it Maresca uses him in this way where like he's enabled him to go slightly under the radar because he's started four games and he's come off the bench in sixth in the Premier League this season.

44:22So many wide options, Chelsea. And when you play in that position, you can also, obviously it helps that you're fucking brilliant, but you can have an impact in that position when you come off the bench as well. Yeah. And so I think he's been managed really well. I know he's only scored one goal in the Premier League this season, but I just think he's been really, really bright. He has, yeah. I want to talk quickly about a former Chelsea player, if I may, Claude McAlealy. Speak quickly then. He's quit his job on the Miss Universe judges panel due to unforeseen personal reasons. Was he performing the McAlealy role on that panel?

44:52Yeah, maybe. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down, everyone. It's okay. Let's talk legs. Yeah, let's protect them. Come on, everyone. Let's talk legs. Do these sit just behind the front three judges? I think so. Yeah, yeah. I think I've always... Do you think the front or the back four judges? Well, I think a lot of the other judges, they get their flowers, but you're very underrated. He is, yeah, absolutely. The thing I loved about Cloud McAlealy on the judging panel for the Miss Universe competition was that you wouldn't even know he was there, but his judging was spot on. When he's not there, you really notice.

45:26He judged the pace of the walk up and down. Indeed he did. Indeed he did, yeah. I mean, unforeseen personal reasons, that's why he quit his job. I mean, I imagine if I had a job that involved judging Miss Universe, there'd be a few unforeseen personal reasons in my home. No, no, no, they would be. In my home. Sarah tells me off for me saying things on the Look and Peet show. So, I mean, me judging a sexy lady contest. I'll take you off for that. You are dressed like you could judge a Miss Universe person. Yes. Little Ritter Sports. In my top pocket. Now you're on. Mars and Marsy Pan flavor. Mars and Marsy Pan flavor.

45:56Mars and Pan ones. Coconut ones great as well. I was absolutely stunned to hear the Miss Universe pageant still happened. It's mad, isn't it? More than Claude McAlealy being involved. I think there was a big Miss Universe set to, I think it was a Malaysian sort of spiv was bullying people, I think. From what I've read, based on the link put in this running order for me today, it seems astonishingly corrupt. McAulay is not the first man to quit the other one said it's totally rigged another judge quit because he said it's completely rigged and they think he started legal proceedings about something or other so who knows he's rigged what's Claude doing doesn't need the dough does he maybe he's just I don't know maybe he's just tackling them all yeah could be he wouldn't need to tackle them he'd anticipate he'd read the game true oh yeah so they'd go down just stop them they wouldn't even know is it just a stage or would they walk down a catwalk in Miss Universe I think they do sort of do they do talent stuff play guitar of a sing song?

46:49No idea. But maybe he goes up on the stage or the catwalk, whatever it is. And then you've just got to get past him. But if he shuffles you and then, oh, you're off the stage, you're out. You're out. Pete, have you ever judged a beauty pageant for Absolute Radio? It's part of the no repeat guarantee. No, judged a Battle of the Bands. Battle of the Bands. Similar. Yeah. Similar. How was that? Well, I was hosting and I helped judge it. I think I've told this story before. I couldn't see who's behind me on the stage. And I went, are you all ready for a battle of the bands? And the drummer behind me went, I went, he's ready.

47:24Turned around, it was a girl. Her partner started booing at me. Sexism, you'd be fucking perfect for this. Misogyny, count me in. There's a gap on the panel. There is. Feats the man to fill it. Right, everybody. So yeah, we think Chelsea are going to beat Burnley. Yeah. That solves it. Now. If you're doing your racket. Man City, Chelsea, Arsenal, lovely. I think Chelsea could possibly beat Burnley with McAlealy in the side now. That'd be nice. I think Kayserdo's so good he could have anyone alongside him and he'd be fine. Maybe he would. Maybe he would. Right, everybody. We've come to the end of the show and here's my opportunity to announce that soon enough in your podcast app my pretty aunt is coming back.

48:05It's me versus Luke. I can unify the belts with a win over that. So can I, can't I? Oh no, I can't. I've already got that one, haven't I? Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. Can I just say, by the way, before we go, Thank you. talking about the game this afternoon listen last week on Jack's he was so excited first class thank you thank you very much I thought to myself we've got no hope of getting that belt off Vish he's going to Australia with it and that's the end of it you've been in no kind of form if you don't mind me saying Jim couldn't find any form from anywhere and to turn it around from behind the way you did I thought was top draw Luke was absolutely salivating he wanted like the unedited rushes I made send me the shot before it goes out I want to listen to it I made producer Tom send me the unlisted YouTuber that wasn't finished so I could watch it all the belts are here but the ashes has kicked off in Australia it has yeah and Vish is there are you doing alright England apparently I haven't yeah do you know what I'm going to have so by the time you get this about midday this cricket news will be Australia 123 for 9 trailing by 49 runs that's good isn't it at the end of play yeah great that sounds good good well done England well done Vish the Vish effect is it the Vish effect Well, Vish said that if he wins this one, England are going to win the Ashes, and they're simply doing quite well.

49:21All I saw was Vish posting on social media him sat in the media centre in Perth watching something on his laptop. Yeah, that's working, isn't it? It was the Football Ramble YouTube. I have done the same. My Biddy Aunt will be available to listen to later today. Make sure to subscribe to the Football Ramble on your podcast app so you'll never miss an episode. Thank you for listening to the Football Ramble, part of the ACAST Creative Network. We'll see you later for My Biddy Aunt. Until then, thank you, Luke. Thank you. Thank you, PT. Goodbye. And thank you... Manny from the Stone Rose. Yeah. For the music.

49:52Miss Paralympic.

50:02The Football Ramble is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.