Today I feel Swiss

0:00Hello everybody, welcome to the Football Ramble, high drama in the Champions League of bloody hell Benfica. It's Thursday 29th of January. I'm Marcus Speller. I'm Jim Campbell. And I'm Luke Moore.

0:24Welcome one and all to a thrilling Thursday at the Football Ramble. A Thursday thump. My goodness, Luke Moore. What about it? What about it? The football's back. in a big way baby absolutely massive night for the Swiss model yeah absolutely huge for the game of chess massive night for the Swiss model and not the one that Marcus met in that lovely nightclub back in 2007 oh he was great we moonwalked the night away we did and you replaced your wallet in the end didn't you so that was fine yeah he did otherwise fine he's all covered by insurance yeah he only took the decoy one so don't worry about it and your dignity it was once again it's always worth reminding ourselves when it's one in the eye for Vish because he doesn't like this uh Swiss model we was moaning about it yesterday well I feel like he's getting a lot of his eye at the moment uh yeah but he does have the the my biddy aunt belt to be fair to him true um gentlemen before we begin I have to say this our special deal offering 15 % off annual Patreon subscriptions ends this weekend Come on, everybody, get involved.

1:34That means you only have a few more days to secure bonus episodes, add free rambles and access to the Discord for a whole year. And it will cost you less than£40. Let the Football Ramble be your companion to this year's football. It's a World Cup year after all. I'm already giddy. Head to patreon.com forward slash football ramble or click the link in the show notes to get involved. Right then, back to the Champions League. there is simply only one place to start today. And we added it on at the end of Wednesday's show as, oh, but there's also this game that the neutrals might be interested in.

2:12I noticed that because I was listening and I was like, okay. And then in retrospect, it seemed really funny. Benfica 4, Real Madrid 2. Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh my goodness. The big man in goal. Old Rick Trubin. Not his first name. the six foot seven goalkeeper from Ukraine, who of course was a guest on On the Continent over Christmas, where he spoke to Andy Brassel quite poignantly, of course. Which is a brilliant story, that, by the way. Incredible story, very poignantly about leaving his home country of Ukraine. But of course, he's based in Lisbon now. He plays for Benfica and he scored a goal for the ages.

2:51One that will go down in Benfica folklore to rescue Benfica from the jaws of elimination from the Champions League. because Benfica were 3-2 up against Real Madrid. It wasn't enough. They needed an extra goal to finish above. I think it was Marseille, wasn't it, in the end? The funny thing was, is that Truman himself didn't seem to realise that in the dying seconds because he seemed to be subtly wasting time, much to the annoyance of the Benfica fans in the crowd. They're like, come on, get on with it, man. But what was fascinating about it, and Mourinho referenced this when he was talking to Archie Ryan after the game, and he was saying that we thought we were okay at 3-2 and the information took longer than he would like.

3:34I mean, obviously, Mourinho's paraphrasing there because I imagine he hit the fucking roof at the time to know they needed another goal. And that information wasn't translated through or transferred over quickly enough because at one point he was kind of like, what we have, we hold, right? Partly because A, he didn't say this, but partly because A, if they just needed the win, then they were 3-2 up. And B, if they were going out anyway, he just wanted to beat Real Madrid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He would have put 10 defenders on if he could. So the whole thing took a while. It was a very fast-moving situation.

4:03I actually think, seeing what I saw, I think the Benfica fans found out way before Trubin did. What was that? Why was the information taking so long? You know, have you updated your browser? Like, come on back, get on with it. Yeah, because Mourinho also made the point that the reason that he made those two changes is because he was told, what you have, you hold now. That's all you need. and then the situation changed again. And then obviously, thankfully, Real Madrid did their bit by getting two players sent off. Well, yeah, this is what's so funny to me, right? That remit of you've got to score four goals against Real Madrid in a very, essentially, you've got to top that off in a very, very short amount of time is an absolute nightmare.

4:42But Madrid have been so accommodating there. So, so accommodating there. Like specifically, Real Asensio's first booking. Just an absolute luxury indulgence from him. No need to do it at all. just fancied it just fancied having a little chip off and then the whole thing goes to shit give us a little booking yeah I don't think it overstates it to say that this is this is one of the best things that has ever happened in the Champions League right it's certainly the best thing that happened for this model absolutely without a doubt but a goalkeeper scoring a goal like that in those circumstances is absolutely incredible but it does come about because of an absolutely box office Real Madrid head loss which is something that we are always always here for and Rodrigo as well I mean, Real Madrid were qualified anyway, right?

5:27So they knew they were safe. Yet Rodrigo just picks up two yellows in like a minute. Yeah, yeah. But they're in the playoffs now. That was unthinkable this time yesterday. They want to get in the top eight, I suppose. That does make sense, yeah. It's hilarious. It really is. Because as you say, Real Madrid had something to play for. So beating them is massive anyway. I mean, considering when Mourinho took over at Benfica, I don't think he's done a sparkling job. Well, they're unbeaten in the league, so, you know. Yeah, okay. But when he took over, they'd lost at home, was it, to Carabag. And they were 2-0 up and they were pegged back 3-2.

6:05And that was really the end of the time for, was it Bruno Large in charge? Yeah. And Mourinho comes in and the team was down on their luck. And to turn that round for such a really quite embarrassing home defeat in the circumstances, given the opposition, etc., etc. Even though Carabag themselves are in the playoffs. But to turn it around, to manage, to pick yourself up when your final game is against Real Madrid, who have something to play for, and to win it in those circumstances as well. I mean, he celebrated in classic... He grabbed the ball boy, wasn't he? I'll never forget. But that photo, not photo, sorry, that image of Troubin as he celebrates and he knee slides, I put it on my Instagram stories in case you're wondering what I'm talking about.

6:54That's how iconic it is. Exactly, Jim. The Barker's works out to use Instagram stories. If it gets it on there, it's a big night for everybody. Called his grandson up. Said help me with this, will you? When he knee slides and it's in slow motion and the entire red half of Lisbon is behind him charging after him. It's brilliant. amazing it's one of the great Champions League images of all time for me of all time damn it the header itself is a great header it's a really good header proper bullet it's a glass header yeah and Mourinho doesn't know what to do with himself the nearest person he can celebrate with is a ball boy yeah and he's just jumping up and down with a ball boy for like a full 10 seconds it's not the best moment of that ball boy's life right if that ball boy goes on to be a footballer it's going to be an amazing bit of trivia and the funny thing is I think I'm writing in saying that Benfica, if they get through against Bodo Glimt, which is eminently possible, they can play Real Madrid again, which would be so good.

7:59Unbelievable. Because in the press conference for that, he'll be reminding of that every single answer. Is that why they get Bodo Glimt? Because Bodo Glimt mugged off Atletico Madrid. If you mug off a team from Madrid, then you deservedly play each other. They've had a brilliant story as well, because in the last two games, they've beaten Man City and they've turned over Atletico Madrid in Madrid. Incredible stuff. Incredible stuff. They're so good. I think for me, there's one sort of little sideshow of this that's been lost among it, which is that this is almost certainly not the return that Brahim Diaz was hoping for.

8:32You're watching the highlights, you see him on the pitch, and you're like, oh God, not again. But at least no one's talking about him anymore. Well, we are. You are. You are, yeah. I was going to say, he must have just avoided Mourinho. Has Mourinho shaken the hands of all the players that are coming off? You're in the playoffs as well, are you? Yes, so are we. Yeah, see you there. Oh, bloody hell. Anyway, let's turn our attention to one of Mourinho's former clubs, Chelsea. They got a very good win in Naples, of course, beating Napoli 3-2. And they knocked out Antonio Conte's Napoli in the process and put themselves into the last 16.

9:09What a night for Chelsea, Jim. Yeah, massive, massive night. And a really sort of mature, big performance. I thought, obviously, Jao Pedro scored two brilliant goals. in the second half. His first one particularly was amazing. Yeah, absolutely fantastic. And he's really, really stepped up when it's counted there. And actually, this might have had the goal of the round in it, obviously other than the goalkeeper's header from Antonio Vergara. On his Napoli debut, doing a sort of Maradona-esque kind of turn into the box and shot. What a moment for him. But yeah, I think it's a very difficult set of circumstances for Chelsea, especially because they went in 2-1 down at the break.

9:46Antonio Conte is fired up because of Diego Costa, extremely unhelpfully from a Chelsea perspective. And yet they've managed to sort of turn the screw and get it done. So again, it's a sign that this is a team that despite its youth, has actually got a lot about it. I agree with you. You've pressed the Diego Costa button. I'll have to bring in the story then for those who haven't seen this. Diego Costa claimed that Antonio Conte, and I quote, probably doesn't have sex at home. Is he an exhibitionist or does he mean he just... Has he been to his house and investigated? Yeah, exactly. Not seen any evidence?

10:25I could only conclude that no sex is happening in this house. Yeah. Well, Antonio Conte hit back at Diego Costa saying, I know very well that around football there are intelligent people, clever people and stupid people, so I don't spend my time reading intelligent or stupid people. Yeah. Everyone can do one. Everyone can do one. It's just Antonio Conte in here. Yeah. So, yes, that was what you were referencing there, Jim. But a great win for Chelsea, nonetheless. You probably mentioned João Pedro's goals. Because when Rasmus Hoyland crashed in that second, you could be forgiven for thinking, oof, that's probably going to go on here.

11:07If not a mountain, it's certainly a very steep hill to climb. Which is why I think that, as you said, Jim, the young Chelsea side, they've got a bit about them. Don't be surprised if they go far. In these sort of one-off games, and again, it doesn't matter who the manager is at Chelsea. It's quite weird. I mean, obviously, Rosina's there now. It's a fabulous win for him. I mean, what a confidence booster, you know. But they just managed to get these results done. And to put themselves in the last 16, avoid the playoffs as well, is a lovely old job. Also good news for Chelsea, Luke, because Cole Palmer came off the bench to assist João Pedro's winner.

11:48So good to see him. He got two assists, I think, in the end. I didn't think much of that rumour about him moving on. I didn't see too much sourcing in those stories or in that one individual story. So I think that's probably at this point a bit of a red herring. But what I like about Chelsea as a team is that, of course, under Maresca, they're a really good cup team, right? And they seem to be a very almost emotionally led team. And that makes sense because they do occasionally lose their head. They do really channel these kind of do or die games like away in Napoli, a very charged atmosphere against a former manager, you know, 3-2 do or die kind of muck and bullets type game.

12:30That lends itself well to particularly crucial cup games when you get to the thick end. And they seem to have that as part of their identity. what would be interesting to see is if they continue that under a senior who seems to be a guy who's almost like Stephen Bartlett of football where he wants to kind of intellectualise things and try to control things and he's a very kind of, I've got a pair of glasses on and a pair of those trains with the white soles and I want to say stuff that doesn't make any sense. How that levels itself out with what this Chelsea team have been. so maybe that kind of tracks with the fact that they are still a young side because a lot of it's on emotion when you're young and you want to prove yourself and all that kind of good stuff so look they're an interesting team to still have in the Champions League I'm pleased they qualified for that reason if they can continue to channel that through the knockouts in the way that they did in the Conference League and in the Club World Cup this is a step up from that I think I also think and maybe we'll come on to this in a bit more detail when we discuss Tottenham later, the physical profile of the Premier League teams all of whom have qualified relatively easily from this group stage makes a massive difference, I mean five of the eight automatic qualifiers to the round of 16 are English teams and with the exception of Man City who had a little stumble, they've all done it fairly straightforwardly I suppose I know Chelsea had a bit of a do or die but as I've said they are set up for that so how it kind of comes into play down the stretch will be interesting because obviously the quality of the team they're playing is going to be higher.

14:05So, look, overall, great for them and great for Rossellini because what you don't want to do is a new manager who's an experienced coming in, you know, he's dropped the ball, right? In the last game of the group stage and go into a different section of it. So they've done well. I thought they stuck to their task pretty good last night and in a difficult situation. So, you know, good on them. Well said, sir. Now, Chelsea have officially terminated the contract of Raheem Sterling. It's happened. We've all been wondering what's going on there. I mean, you mentioned the name Raheem Sterling. I was, oh yeah, that guy.

14:38The Premier League winner and many England caps and a fine player. I assume that he can still be perhaps. I mean, maybe not get back to the highs he did before. But Sterling, yeah, he's just been picking up his wages and not really doing too much at Chelsea. He is on 325 grand a week. So if you're picking up those wages, then life isn't... It does seem all right when you put it like that, doesn't it? But Chelsea issued an incredibly short statement confirming the termination of his contract. So they're not messing around. I wonder how much Rosina himself has played in this because it seemed to just kind of go on and on.

15:17Was it Sterling himself saying, look, this is not serving anybody? The January transfer window's here. Although if he's, of course, without a club, I don't think that matters too much. But I mean, the statement simply read, Raheem Sterling has today departed Chelsea Football Club by mutual agreement, bringing to an end three and a half seasons as our player having signed in the summer of 2022 when he was transferred from Manchester City. We thank Raheem for his contributions he made while a Chelsea player and wish him well for the next stage of his career. Chuck the door on your way. Yeah. Don't waste any more kind of hours of sexy on this.

15:49Exactly, yeah. Like just knock that out in 10 seconds and then do something else with your day because we've spent enough money on Raheem Sterling. If you used to phone the old club lines, what's happening with Raheem Sterling? It takes you five minutes to go, yeah, we're terminated his contract mutual agreement. He's gone, duh. Ah, that's cost me eight quid, that call. It's perfunctory. They thanked him for his contribution. Probably is a little, but I wouldn't say it's disrespectful, but I imagine you could probably see the disrespect from there. They have thanked him for his contribution. I think it perhaps maybe runs the risk of forgetting that for the first couple of seasons at Chelsea, he did make a contribution.

16:24He played a lot and was a part of things. Of course, he hasn't been part of the squads that have won trophies for Chelsea. And he has been essentially a millstone around their neck financially, of course. And I do think, though, Raheem himself does need to take a share in the responsibility here. I mean, he was given a loan move to effectively a rival last season because he didn't want to leave London. he did feature upwards of like 25 odd times for Arsenal and was basically dreadful. Yeah, awful. Now there could be all sorts of things behind the scenes that we don't know about. I'm not going to judge him personally for that.

17:01But clearly at the age of 31, it's not just age with Raheem Sterling, it's miles on the clock as well. We have to say that he started so early and he's played so much and he's achieved so much. Well, he's had a rest. Well, quite. If he's still got something in the tank, then this next move for him is absolutely crucial. I can see him absolutely making a contribution at a lower half Premier League club if he's willing to humble himself to do so. Because in a weird way, Marcus, I don't know if you get on board with me here. You and I were discussing this earlier in the week. It's kind of a bit like I was talking about with Harry Wilson.

17:35He just needs to play. He's the type of player that if he plays and they stick with him and he knows he's going to be in the team, I think he can still make a contribution for someone. I don't know if he's going to make the right move, though. His talk is that he wants to stay in London, someone else is reporting that he might be happy to leave London. So who knows what's going to happen? But ultimately, him leaving Chelsea, whatever the circumstances, is a positive thing for everyone. Yeah, I would say, having watched him at Arsenal last season, if that is the level that he is at now, and it wasn't just a particularly off-season for reasons we're unaware of, then he wouldn't get into the Fulham team.

18:14I don't think he'd get into the West Ham team. Honestly, he contributed so, so little and the willing was there. It wasn't that he wasn't making the effort. It's just like his technique has abandoned him. He didn't look confident taking players on and he was dealt with very easily. He just was not the player that we know Raheem Sterling to be. So yeah, as you say, it's very, very important that he gets the next move right. But I wouldn't be surprised if he goes abroad, to be honest, now that he's talking about potentially moving elsewhere. An interesting kind of twist in this tale, and I haven't seen the detail on this, is that there seemed to be some kind of implication that his minutes were limited at Arsenal because of some contractual reason.

18:54And the reason he didn't want to go on loan again from Chelsea, because obviously that would be good because he's picking up such a fat wage from them, is because he found it really restricting and he couldn't focus and concentrate. That's what's being implied. And that's why he wanted to terminate the contract and they came to a mutual agreement because he wants a fresh start. Now, I'm not saying that that's why he looked terrible at Arsenal, because broadly I agree with Jim's assessment. But a fresh start can make a big difference to someone when they've been kind of ground down over the years of effectively not playing.

19:21Marcus, I don't know what you think about that. Well, I think that's what we would all hope. Because, again, we know what he has produced before. I think it's unlikely that he'll get back to those levels for all the reasons stated. But hopefully he can go and make a proper contribution somewhere because we know, again, what he's done in the past. Now, you've mentioned Fulham and West Ham. Well, OK, West Ham find themselves in a little bit of an upward curve, but that would be a, you know, you can't piss around there. You've got to hit the ground running. They are in the relegation zone and they need players to come in and perform.

19:58Fulham, pretty settled team who have got decent options on the wings now. so yeah as Jim says I'm not sure if one of those would be a landing spot I mean Fulham have just signed Oscar Bob as well I know he's a left footer and Raheem Sterling is obviously right but there would still be competition I mean he's reportedly prepared to play anywhere apparently so maybe I had a mad rumour about Millwall this morning oh man that would be something so I I think if he was to to join a Premier League side it must be and look he's been in the public eye for years now and as you say burst onto the scene as a teenager so he's used to the attention but this would be a different type of attention to have been away for so long to then everybody just thinking has he still got it what's he going to do really scrutinising him as you say Jim at Arsenal he seemed to lack a lot of confidence for whatever reason going abroad might be a good idea do you know what I mean even if it's to a league he's not going to play for one of the huge sides but I don't know he's joining mid-table side in La Liga or Ligue 1 or whoever might fancy it.

21:10Well to me Marcus the landing spots we hadn't talked about would be and I think both of them are quite interesting I'm going to mention one is the Serie A route because lots of English players have done that and I think he could we're making an assessment based on stuff that we haven't seen because we haven't seen him perform for so long so it's a bit of an assumption but like he could flourish in Serie A in the right circumstances the second one by the way is Crystal Palace and I'll tell you why if he wants to stay in London then that's obvious I was driving past Sellers Park yesterday actually again on the way back from golf lesson so I've got a bit of insight just picked up a bit of osmosis just driving past they might be interested on feeling the vibes secondly they love that type of player at Palace obviously there's a tradition there of those kind of attacking players and flair players and stuff and the third thing is they just need a positive story, right, Palace?

22:01Everyone's leaving, right? And what they were able to do when Zaha left was rebuild and really actually deal with that very well, despite him being a talismanic player for them. I think when you're a side like Palace, a club like Palace of that profile and that style, it could be a really positive story. I mean, obviously, look, he might be absolutely shit now. We just don't know. But you're assuming he's still got something in the tank. I think Palace would almost, on vibes alone, stop that terrible momentum that they seem to be enduring at the moment. Yeah. Well, look, we wish him well and we hope that he goes somewhere soon and we hope he finds his feet there, whether that's at Crystal Palace or whether that's at Creminesi and he gets a Jamie Vardy slipstream.

22:43Now, coming up after this, PSG still can't beat Newcastle United.

22:57I've come to Paris. I've come to Paris to watch Newcastle play PSG. I've come to Paris. God knows, God knows I've come to Paris. I'm back at the football hour, everybody. I genuinely enjoyed that. But I mean, the tonality was all over the place. I mean, there's about four different keys doing that version. Oh, come on. He's never been the same since he left the police, old Sting. Now, PSG won, Newcastle United won. Both sides have to settle for... If that actually was Sting, that's not the worst song he's done. No, no, it's not. Both sides have to settle for a playoff position in what would have been a winner-takes-all tie in the Parc des Princes in Paris to join in with that Newcastle United fan.

23:55Joe Willock got his first goal since February 2025. How about that, Jim? Former Arsenal man, Joey Willock. Yes, that was great. And I think generally this was really... It'd be frustrating for them to not have won this game, obviously, for both teams, but Newcastle in particular, early on when they get that penalty given against them, especially given that the last time they played in Paris against PSG, they conceded a late penalty, a controversial late penalty also for handball. I think the ball kind of bounces off of Bradley Barclay's arm and onto Lewis Miley's hand. I know Nick Pope saves the penalty, so it's essentially kind of academic, but I thought that was very harsh.

24:35Well, I'll tell you why Nick Pope probably saved the penalty, Jim, is because he knew that PSG were going to get a dodgy penalty. So he absolutely studied every player. It was a great save from the current Ballon d 'Or holder, Uzmano Dembele. He was really pumped after that. I thought, go on, Popey. So I was pleased for him. But yeah, I mean, after that, the penalties given, obviously, Vettinia scores not long after it. You thought, oof, this could be quite bad for Newcastle. Sneak one in like he does. They were excellent. They were excellent. I mean, with Harvey Barnes' chance late on. Oh, God.

25:12Yeah, I mean, that one is an absolute sickening, isn't it? They're in the playoffs, right? They're still in there. It's disappointing not to win that late on. So it's not a disaster, but that is one that is going to be keeping you up at night, isn't it? I mean, by the way, I'm sorry to say this, Newcastle United fans. If Harvey Barnes had scored that, looking at the table, they would have gone into fifth into the league phase and Man City would have plopped out into the playoffs. But he didn't score. Did you say that Newcastle were really good? Who said that? Well, I was about to talk about Dan Burnham.

25:48They defended very well, didn't they? Yeah, because I'm not saying you're wrong. It's obviously just opinion. But I thought it was a weird time for them to play free at the back, which I don't really do very often. And I thought it was all at sea for the first 25 minutes. It's like they didn't really know what they were doing. I thought the wide players, particularly Lewis Miley, bless him. I'm always predisposed to feel sorry for Mardy because he just looks like a child. And I'm not just saying that because of the penalty. He just looked a little bit isolated and they struggled to kind of come to terms with it.

26:22But I totally agree they grew into the game for sure. But I just feel like, I know Dembele won the Ballon d 'Or and fine, obviously brilliant. Vittinia is some player, I'm telling you. Vettinia, he's got to be the best midfield player in the world. He's honestly so good at basically everything. And what's interesting to me is that they play this 4-3-3. I don't get too tactical about it because I'm not really that well qualified in it. But they play a 4-3-3 and Vettinia plays in the middle, right? Basically on his own. I know that Nevers and, in this case, Zaire Emery can tuck in and people can drop back.

27:01But when you see a player with the profile of Vettinia, You think, oh, he kind of knits it all together and he's that type of player. But actually his numbers are really good as well. His numbers are high. I understand he's playing in a league that's not the best standard, but he never ever looks like he's not going to contribute when I see him in the Champions League either. I just think he's such a wonderful player to watch. He's the last player you want the ball dropping to on the edge of the box. Yeah, exactly. And yet it always drops to him. It feels like there's three of him. That's obviously by design, not by accident, of course.

27:32but yeah I think you're right I think Newcastle yeah they started off badly they grew into it and had chances to win it I mean Gordon's pace was giving Pearce a bit of problem down the down the flank towards the end but look I think all in all it's if you're Newcastle yeah the last thing you'd want is another couple of games because they've had their injuries they're firing on all fronts and they've struggled a little bit in the Premier League with that but they'll either play Carabag or Monaco in the playoffs which isn't the worst, let's be honest. I know you'd rather not do that. I think Monaco look a poor side anyway.

28:09Well, I mean, Eric Dyer's doing a lot of the work there. They're on a terrible run in France. A terrible run. So, you know, it could be worse, but it was nice to know that Pete Donaldson was in the away end, of course, with Adam Cleary. Great Adam Cleary was there as well, so that was lovely to see. Luke, Pete showed us or sent us some photos of some of the things that he was putting in his mouth would you like to go to that? some of the things he was putting in his mouth when you say that about a man like Pete Donaldson that can mean anything can't it? It can but nothing good No for the avoidance of you know those of us those out there with a slightly more mind in the gutter he means food of sorts Well do I?

28:53Do I? Of sorts That's why I didn't want to classify it as food Because those who listen to Pete regularly on the round under Luke and Pichet will know that he is not the most discerning eater. He suffers heavily with consequences of that for his own health and he was sending screenshots in the WhatsApp group last night of what can only be described as some truly like diabolically bad food. Like last night he decided to get a steak tartare apparently in some Parisian cafe. He loves a bit of steak tartare. He does. The steak tartare was orange. It was actually orange. I mean, maybe this is some sort of culinary speciality that we're unaware of.

29:32And obviously you would trust the food culture in Paris, but obviously the rogue element in that is Pete himself. No, Jim, what's happened is, we know the food culture in France generally, in Paris of course, they've seen a load of Newcastle United fans coming over the hill and they've gone, where's all that stuff we were about to chuck out? Right, there you go. They'll lap this up, they'll absolutely gobble it down. Pete sent us a photo of, I mean, what was that? The next thing he ate. Oh, it looks like some kind of weird burger, doesn't it? I don't know, but Pete's Pete just put, it's going to be like a firing squad.

30:10They'll never know which meal did me in.

30:15I hope that nobody stood too close to Pete after he ate all that food all I'll say is that. We do need confirmation that Adam Cleary is safe, actually. We've not yet had that. Yeah, well, I mean, they're all superhuman, aren't they? Look at Dan Byrne. The man's got nine fingers and one lung. That's true. And he's still able to play a full game. He was brilliant. Eddie Howell said, that Dan Byrne never ceases to amaze me. What a performance. There was a lot of negativity around the Newcastle United fans when they saw that Joe Willock was starting the game, by the way. And they're now noticeable by their silence after he popped up with a lovely header.

30:48Absolutely, yeah. Well, eggy bread all over their faces. I'm sure they're absolutely gutted that he scored. Surely it's French Toast Marcus in Paris. Yeah well is that not what Eggie Bread is? Yeah but you'd say French Toast wouldn't you? No I would say Eggie Bread because I'm from this country. Americans always call it French Toast. Here we go. What's wrong with that? Luke knows what's wrong with it because he made it happen. Yeah exactly. I just pull it back Jim for Marcus to reveal himself. That's all I do. Okay. There was another soccer match that happened yesterday. Manchester. Yes, we love it.

31:26Yeah. Manchester beat Galatasaray 2-0. Manchester City, as we call them in England, of course. They beat Galatasaray 2-0. Pretty comfortable stuff. I did think that there might be something in this game. And Ossiman had a few efforts and so on and so forth. But fairly comfortable in the end. And they made it through to the last 16, thanks to Benfica beating Real Madrid. So Man City safely into the top eight. My goodness. because Sporting when they scored in the last minute they nipped into the last eight or the top eight I should say that kind of was a bit of a shake up as well but yeah so Man City are in there Jim are you happy for them?

32:05I'm absolutely thrilled for them I'm still still baffled as to why Vish is so anti this format and anti chess and therefore anti intellectual and all those things it's because Man United have never played it that's why Jimmy what's the old days when Man United were good and the old format was there. That's what he wants. There were some great back Maynard meetings. The two favourite ones I saw was someone made up like a proper looking Man United official graphics and this is the 11 that United will be watching the Champions League tonight. And the second one was, well, what was the second one?

32:36The second one was, oh yeah, you've got to admire the quality of the Premier League teams and the Champions League this season. Man United haven't conceded a single goal. It's low-hanging fruit. Yeah, it is. But you've got to expect it. That's fair enough, isn't it? Sometimes fruit is delicious. Are we justified in being annoyed at Galatasaray for reactivating Erling Haaland. He hadn't scored in ages. Now he's going to start just blitzing everybody again. A proper starter motor of a fucking team for him, isn't it? He missed a chance, a big chance early on. And I thought, ooh. And then he... A power dink, I'm going to call that one.

33:08It was, definitely. Well, that's it. Because you think to yourself, oh, is he lacking in confidence? And then he just marches through and does that. And you think, no, it's not a question of confidence. It's the radar was slightly off. That's all I can assume. because he's not I don't think he'll ever be a striker to kind of shy away from not getting himself in there time and time again it was a lovely little dink the power dink with Haaland is that like it's his first goal from open play for a while and that's notable because he's so good but the thing with him is the two things you can say that mean he'll always his game will always be underpinned or kind of underwritten by quality is the fact that he's got bulletproof confidence and that his movement is so good and his movement is so good that that means sooner or later a chance is going to fall onto his left foot and he's just absolutely deadly with it so it's only ever a matter of time with him until probably until he maybe picks up a bad injury or starts to slow down or whatever but he's still such a young man as well I didn't watch this game because I just thought it would be routine and there's so much other stuff to watch but if someone said to me before the game it's going to be 2-0 Haaland and Cherokee you'd go well yeah that probably sounds about right And they take that all day long.

34:20All right, coming up after this, Spurs' European march continues.

34:35Welcome back to the Football Ramble, everybody. Eintracht Frankfurt 0, Tottenham Hotspur 2. Easy peasy for Spurs again in Europe. They absolutely bloody love it. They've qualified for the last 16 with ease, really, finishing fourth. And Jim, I know the league table sometimes lies, but what I'm seeing is Spurs are currently the fourth best team in Europe right now. Apparently so, yeah. So congratulations to them on that. This was sort of disappointingly nonsense-free from where I was sat. Or so I thought when I saw the scoreline, but then I saw some of the absolutely comical Eintracht Frankfurt defending taking place at different points, and also saw that Dominic Solanke scored after a through ball from a Frankfurt player.

35:22I was like, yeah, that'll do me. I was hoping for more games. It was brutal. It was like a fucking cheater chasing a gazelle. Yeah, and that's brilliant for him as well, getting another goal so quickly. So, yeah, again, they've been all business, haven't they, in the Champions League? Really, really professional. It is kind of comparable to Ange in the Europa League in the latter stages of it, in a sense, where they started just kind of being a little bit more conservative and just behaving, basically, just not being quite as silly. And there's been a bit of that in this group stage here. Just to add a little bit of colour to it, only Arsenal have conceded fewer goals in the Champions League after eight games than Spurs.

36:02And only Liverpool, Bayern and Arsenal have got a better goal difference. One could say, well, they've had a kind of fixtures and so on and so forth. But yeah, you've got to give credit where credit's due. You have to look at the fixtures in this. You have to. Away to PSG. Which they lost. Yeah. Right, so the answer to why Spurs are qualifying so well in the Champions League, yet look diabolical in the Premier League, is basically two main reasons. One, because the Premier League standard is obviously much higher than, I would say, any other league in Europe. But the second most important answer when it comes to this specific situation is basically because they only had to beat one good team out of eight games to qualify.

36:46They had two hard games. They lost one of them and they won the other. And all the other teams that played apart from Monaco have gone home. They beat four of the bottom six teams. Now, it's not their fault, right? But the only kind of anomaly in that whole thing is they drew nil-nil with Monaco, who are just about still in it, but are also basically quite shit. They also drew with Berda Glimp. And I know obviously they've had their own adventure, but it's one that you would expect them to be doing better in. I just don't think they've had to be that good. It's going to sound like I'm kicking them while they're done.

37:18No, no, no. I agree with you, but you have to give them credit. You simply do. You don't want to go overboard. Obviously, tongue-in-cheek when I said they're the fourth best team in Europe. But, you know, you say they beat four of the bottom six. Well, look at the bottom six in the Premier League. They didn't beat Wolves. They didn't beat Burnley. They lost to West Ham. You know, not to give a forest. You know, so I just think... But do we have to... Marcus, sorry to cut in, But do we have to give them credit for beating Slavia Prague at home or Copenhagen at home or drawing with Bodo Glimt? Do we have to give them credit for that with the budget and what they've got at their disposal?

37:48Luke, I've known you long enough now to know that I can't make you do anything. But I think that if you're winning football matches and you are qualifying for the last 16 of the Champions League and you finished fourth in this first phase, then yes, the context is important. in the same way with the Europa League, they won games that they should have won. They beat Bode Glimt on the way. They beat Arndtrak Frankfurt on the way. You've still got to get it done, haven't you? But you've got to get it done, exactly. And to do it without conceding many goals and scoring a few yourself, bearing in mind how bad they have been in the league, I think this is a better...

38:28I think they are expressing themselves a tiny bit more in Europe than they did under Ange last season. Yeah. And so I do give them credit for going into the knockouts because if they have... Look how comically bad they've been in the Premier League. I mean, that West Ham game, you know, they managed to lose that. You know, they scrape a draw against Burnley. They scrape a draw at home to Wolves when Wolves were pitifully bad. Whereas they haven't done that in the Champions League. They've won those games. So it's just interesting that they managed to hold their nerve against teams that they, you know, as you say, squad-wise, yeah, they probably should be beaten, but they've managed to do it.

39:04And also the Eintracht Frankfurt thing game last night, they were bare bones spurs. I mean, the bench was comical, basically, with respect to those young players who've got no experience whatsoever. It's not their fault, of course. And it's a great experience for them to go to an away Champions League game. But they had, I mean, they were so bereft of players, partly because of mismanagement and obviously because of injuries, which again is caused by mismanagement because it's not a coincidence. So it's partly self-inflicted, but it's not necessarily Thomas Frank's fault in that specific example.

39:33What'll be interesting to me is, looking at them in the round of 16, because there's a chance they could get someone good. I think they're going to get either Klubbrugger, Galatasaray, Juventus or Atletico Madrid. So that's a, I would say that's a sterner examination, right? Of course it is. But, you know, with what they've been doing in the Champions League, that's a fixture in which they don't fancy themselves to do something. They'll have a new manager by then, anyway. Well, they might well do. Good for Carlo Mouane to score. We were talking about him on Wednesday, on the morning of the game.

40:01Yeah, because he hates Spurs. So good of him to put that aside and actually pick up a goal. But it was great for Dominic Solanke as well. And again, Spurs fans have been crying out for him for a long time now. So for him to get another goal since he's returned from injury, I think that is very welcome for those Tottenham Hotspur supporters. Now, another team who have not been doing brilliantly in the Premier League, but have been taking care of business in Europe is Liverpool. I was talking up an upset here, Jim. French toast or eggy bread, depending on where you're from, all over my fat face, Jim Campbell.

40:33At Anfield, it's Carabag. Come on. Well, you know, sometimes you've got to throw a bit of caution to the wind. The heart wants what it wants, I suppose. Yeah. I mean, if on another day, maybe Carabag could have snuck seven goals, mate. You know how it goes. Well, when they went 2-0 up Liverpool, I thought, oh, you remember what happened to Benfica? But yeah, I think still believe in. I don't know if the Liverpool fans were singing 6-0, even Mo Salah scored, but they could have done Luke. it would have been a relevant charm. Because he did. And that's a good thing for them for sure. This is a...

41:06The Carabaugh haven't been absolutely terrible this season in the Champions League. Well, they're in the playoffs, sorry. They beat Eintracht Frankfurt. It's fine. But it's exactly what Liverpool needed, I would have thought. He'd be rubbing his hands together, looking at that fixture, saying my Man City at home to Galatasaray would probably have thought that's where we get back on the horse. And of course they did as well. When it gets to sort of over half an hour to go, and you're 5-0 up. It's like, yeah, great, fine. And Chiesa comes on and scores a late sixth, I know. I thought Eketike's goal was good.

41:41If I'm a Liverpool fan, that's exactly the kind of goal I want Eketike to score. He's so good at that kind of stuff and he's strong and he's quick. And what I love about really top quality forwards, which I think he looks like, is it's fast, fast, fast, fast, slow, right? Yes, yeah. Get it done. get to that position where you can score as quick as you can and then calm as you like. And actually, there is a real athleticism to being able to do that. It's not as simple as running fast and then stopping, like having the composure and having the technique. To be able to do that while you're taking players out of the game is the top player.

42:14It's far in the belly head of the freezer, Jim. Absolutely. Yeah. So, yeah, look, I'm not sure what we've learnt from this, but, I mean, Liverpool winning games well is what they need to do because of the travails they've had, as you've said, Marcus. So, yeah, good on them. Well, they wanted to banish the bad cocktail that's been holding them back, according to Arna Slott. Yeah, that was a weird phrase. He's talking in his second language, but I just want to say that Arna Slott did say there is a complete disbalance in how many times we arrive in promising positions and how many times other teams arrive there.

42:46But there is not a disbalance in the goals that are scored, and that's a very bad cocktail we are having. Now, that sounds like a man who's been disbalanced by a cocktail. Exactly when did he make these quotes? 2am in a cocktail bar the cocktail's so bad it's made him confuse imbalance with disbalance but we'll let him have that because he probably speaks about four languages and I barely speak one yeah that's fair we should say Virgil van Dijk became the first centre-back in Champions League history to provide a hat-trick of assists in a single match you'll never sing that goal involvements mate yeah by the end of it as well he was sort of playing in the Florian Verts role he's like really high up the pitch for Chiesa's goal it was famously not windy last night so it made it a bit easier for him Trying to prove Pete Donaldson wrong.

43:29I'll show him. Look at us slagging off Virgil van Dijk. Taking the piss out of the bloke. Now, Arsenal, they finished top of the tree in the first phase of the Champions League by beating Kairat 3-2. Easy peasy. Eight wins from eight. Jim Campbell, you must be absolutely delighted. Simply one of the oddest games I've ever been to in my life. It felt like the last day of school, but also a bit like the Carabao Cup. The Kyrat fans were amazing, but they also sounded like they were cheering people on in a game show. It was like, Kyrat. Kyrat. It sounded like, do you remember Funhouse? Yes. Where at the end of it, everyone would go around on a go-kart track and there was a red team and a yellow team.

44:11Yeah. And there were people going, yeah, hello. And another team going, red. And you could kind of hear both at once. It was not like any football crowd I've heard before, but they were obviously having a brilliant time. The scoreline at the end is ridiculous. I just laughed when Arsenal conceded the second goal. Which, by the way, the Karat fans loved. Oh, they did. It was a great moment for them. But, I mean, it was brilliant to see Kai Havertz back in action. Because he was... Say it, call him by his full name. Kai Rat Havertz, is that what you're going to... Right, okay, sure. Known you a long time, et cetera, let's move on.

44:44Yeah, he was fantastic. He dictated everything. He was looking for the forwards within a few touches every single time. He gets an assist for Jokeres. It's very important in the third goal, scores a goal himself. So great to see him back. The second half, though, was so unbelievably wasteful from Arsenal. I think there was nine big chances. That might have been in the game in total, but there were at least six other occasions at least where they probably should have scored by that metric. And it was just very, very strange. But obviously brilliant to be in a position where this game was essentially meaningless.

45:18Yeah, was it strange for Arsenal, do you think, Luke, to have chances in open play, thinking we don't know what to do here. The ball's not come from Declan Rice from out by that corner flag, lol. Are you suggesting it might be entirely unfamiliar to them? I was just checking their XG while you were asking me that question. Their XG was 4.06. Oh, right. Yeah, look, maybe that tells the story. For me, it showed, I know Kyra aren't the greatest opposition, and I can totally see why Arteta put Havertz in for this, kind of almost behind Giocarez in a deeper role so he could affect the game. And they knew that, A, he'd be given space to do so because Kyra aren't up to it.

45:57And B, he can feel his way into it because he's had such a difficult injury. But to me, assuming he's fit enough, Havertz has to play. He has to play for Arsenal. And there's two main reasons for it. One is because he's better than Giocarez and he's better than Jesus. And that's put into the side that maybe Arteta plays in a slightly different position. But ultimately, as a forward, he's better than both those players. Secondly, Arsenal are on the cusp of experiencing some quite negative momentum. And he would give everyone a massive boost. And everyone knows what he's capable of. His quality, his experience, scoring goals in Champions League finals.

46:36He's a top quality player. I think they have to... To me, it felt like an audition that he definitely passed. And now, I'm not an Arsenal fan, so Jim might be able to kind of disavow me of a lot of these notions. But from where I'm sitting, he has to play for Arsenal now. Yeah, I mean, I think the team and the supporters are desperate for him to come back into the team. Most people are expecting him to come in as a striker. But I think we've discussed here before that he might be viewed as a player that can get more out of Jokeres because he is always looking to make those passes in those areas.

47:04So he's an option there as well. Because he used to play deeper before, right? He didn't used to be an out-of-house striker, right? He didn't join as a striker. No. He doesn't look like a sort of naturally comfortable striker, does he? He's a nine and a half, as is so common in football these days. But I think his fitness will be an issue, though. I don't think he's going to be able to go straight back in and essentially become a starter who plays more minutes than he doesn't. I think he's going to have to gradually be eased in. But I agree he is a really, really important sort of X factor coming back into Arsenal's season now, especially having been without him for so long.

47:41Now, he's barely played for a year, but when he picked up his injury in January last year he's obviously had another one since he was on 15 goals for the season in all competitions so it's feasible to think he would have got 20 last season and I don't think people view him as a player that puts up those sort of numbers but he was very unlucky to get injured when he did and if he can get back to anything like that level and yesterday suggests that from what we've seen so far it's very possible then it's a huge, huge weapon and a huge bonus I agree and I think just to put a bit of a finer point in it I just feel quite strongly that I would just play him in the league games.

48:14You don't have to necessarily play him in the games they've got coming up against Chelsea in the League Cup or Wigan in the FA Cup or whatever. You can definitely play him. The next three league games they've got are Leeds, Sunderland, Brentford. Play him. To me, you've got to play him. I'm sure he'll feature in all of them. It's just about what his body can handle. there's talk that he's had a knee injury that might need a little bit of careful management but it's also not entirely sure on the source for that so only Arteta will know and he simply won't tell anyone especially Gary Cotterell however hard he might try would you like why I support that decision?

48:53yeah absolutely I think that's a policy we should all adopt but yeah I mean as I said it's great to be back and I want to see him on the field as much as is possible to be honest Jokeres scored his 10th goal of the season of course he did took it well Which is, yeah, I mean, he had a bit of a bobbly first touch, but, you know, I guess part of it is dealing with that, isn't it? Yeah, indeed. Yeah, and he also had a chance, right? And I don't want to get on his back, but this did happen, where it is, a ball is kind of fizzed into him very, very quickly. He's very close to the goal. It's not quite an open goal, but it's one where you should smash it in and it goes out for a throw, which does tell its own story, doesn't it?

49:36So yeah, he, you know... Well, again, not used to scoring an open play so he thought, right, let's get the set piece in. Yeah. Look, I think with Jokeres, you saw the goal he scored against Inter. You saw this goal against Kairat. I think he liked... That's where he's at his best. Yeah, like racing onto something. Arsenal don't have a forward player quite like that and the way he finished with aplomb as well. But that's not... Well, you know, you say that but the goalkeeper gets their hand to it and I think a better goalkeeper keeps their hand. Power takes it in though. Like the ways hit that maybe.

50:09Yeah, I thought you were both saying there. To me Marcus it looks like if it's with Glockerez if it's that he doesn't trust himself at the very top level to just be instinctive then maybe you can coach that out of him and experience helps him with that because he starts to build up a record of scoring goals and all the rest of it. But if he's just not quite at the very top level Well that's the question isn't it? Yeah, then you need it just needs to be managed because clearly, as we've seen, he can score goals domestically against Nottingham Forest, against Leeds, against Burnley, for example.

50:42He got the winner at the Hill Dickinson Stadium as well, didn't he? And the goal he scored against Inter, he came off the bench and scored, didn't he? He did, and it was a great goal. Yeah, it was a great goal. So I guess they're still trying to... They almost treat him like a puzzle. It's still trying to be worked out, I guess. And at the moment, Arteta seems to think that just playing him is going to sort it. and maybe he's right. Well, I mean, 10 goals isn't terrible, is it? Nah. You know, so there's a lot to look at Jokeres with and go, oh, this doesn't seem quite right or that doesn't seem quite right.

51:11But his rate of scoring is starting to pick up. So, you know. And it was Mikel Arteta's 200th win as Arsenal manager. That was a surprising number for me. That really hits home how long he's been there now. He has time to win a trophy again because he did win the FA Cup, of course. Yeah, of course. Thank you very much for listening to the Football Rumble, part of the ACAST Creator Network. We'll be back tomorrow for the preview show. So do join us for that. Thank you very much, Luke Moore. Thank you. Thank you very much, Jim Campbell. Thank you. And thank you very much, Jose Mourinho. See you tomorrow.