Wearing many Panama hats

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3:19Luke Moore: This is my story. This is my song, everybody. Welcome to the Football Ramble. Man City are FA Cup champs and plucky old Celtic are Scottish champs. It's Monday, 18th of May. I'm Marcus Speller. I'm Luke Moore. And I'm Pete Donaldson.

3:44Luke Moore: Hello, everybody. Welcome to another manic Monday here at the Football Ramble. Well, trophies have been dished out all up and down the kingdom. We will get to that. You get a trophy. You get a trophy. You don't. But you've won the hearts and minds of the British public, and I think that's better than any trophy. But we shall get to that. Thank you very much. I agree. I've been saying it for years. You have indeed. Luke Moore, will England get a trophy this summer? That's the big question that you're not going to answer right now. I am going to tell everybody, though, that England's World Cup campaign against Croatia starts on the 17th of June and tickets have sold out for our England World Cup watch party on that day at 40 Foot Brewery.

4:33Luke Moore: If you've missed out on a ticket for that day, do not worry. Tickets are still available for our other watch parties, for England's other two games, of course, Ghana and Panama. However, if you would like to get involved, don't delay. Click on the show notes and go and grab your tickets now while they're still available. You can't see England versus Croatia at 40-foot brewery in North London, but you can see us play Ghana and you can see us play Panama. The Panama one's on a Saturday night as well. Oh, baby, can you feel it? Yeah, two points from me. One is that I'm really worried that the people listening to this or watching this are going to wait until they personally get World Cup fever before they try and buy these tickets, at which point it could be too late.

5:18The second point I'd like to make, and Pete, I'd like you to spearhead this, if possible, please, some kind of way that we can ensure everyone who comes to watch the Panama game on the Saturday night gets a Panama hat. Right. Okay. Yeah. Phil, and when you open up the packaging, like obviously nice Panama hats come in big hat boxes in the middle, a little, um, a little kind of, um, my fizzy aunt in the middle. That'd be lovely. Or a buzz bowl. I don't think many of our, with respect to our audience, and I do mean this with love and respect. Yeah. I don't think many of them, I may be wrong, but I don't think many of them know the difference between a good quality Panama hat and a poor quality one.

6:00No. So we might get away with just giving them one of those Carlsberg type ones, but it'd be my fizzy aunt instead. Nice. Or Luke Moore.

6:06Luke Moore: You're talking to the right guy, me, with regards to all this. I actually have purchased a Panama hat from Panama City Airport. But of course, anybody who knows their trivia will know that Panama hats are not from Panama. Oh, right. Can they be for that one Saturday night, though? Well, you know, I like to bend the rules. Do I like to bend them that much? Come along and find out. Was it Honolulu Airport back in the 70s when you turned up, they would put like that... A layer on your neck. what do you call it a lei it's a lei a floral lei yeah exactly exactly Panama Hats are from Ecuador for the okay nice to know good getting it sorted who have also qualified who have also qualified come and see the Ghana game though you get a pot on your head remember the pot man yes okay there you are you see are we going to do any of the football here I'm stalling I'm stalling I will say that the FA Cup final was very short on football it might have been I'm stalling until I get news that the SFA have made Celtic forfeit the game.

7:08Luke Moore: But anyway, until that happens... Shall we do a marathon record like Tiochari until that happens? I think we could go for the rest of our lives and it would still be safe. Let's start with the FA Cup final then. Chelsea 0, Manchester City 1. Pep Guardiola's got his mitts on the FA Cup again. They love it. Their eighth FA Cup win, Manchester City. It's Pep's third after losing the two previous finals. So third time's a charm, is it? It's the dickhead double, Marcus, as he was on the show. He managed to get the dickhead double. Yeah, that's a phrase that you and only you coined. I felt like a dickhead watching it.

7:48Luke Moore: Did you? I will say one thing for the FA Cup final. There should be something contractually that says that both managers have to wear suits because neither managers were in suits. I think it was a shameful display. Disrespectful. Disrespectful. I mean, Pep was dressed like he was, he was dressed like one of those, you know, like when you go to certain areas of a city and there's, there's restaurants on the road and all the people who run the restaurant stand outside looking if customers are coming in. Yes. He looks like, he looks like the manager who has lost a, you know, short order chef who usually does this job and he's just, and he's just outside and he's going, please come in, please come in.

8:26The food will be terrible, but please come in.

8:28Luke Moore: Yeah. But the chat will be great. And Callum McFarlane was dressed very much like the stand-in. Yes. Do you feel those? It's like he was saying, well, I haven't got any other clothes. I didn't know I was going to be doing this. They didn't give me a budget. They didn't give me a budget. Apparently my accountant says this isn't even a tax write-off. Unbelievable. Do you think, though, he was respecting his very, very interim, in fact, caretaker status by wearing that? Because I think if he'd have worn a suit, we'd have all gone. It's a really tricky situation for him. If he had worn a suit, people would have been like, big time Charlie.

9:02Yeah, nice. But he couldn't have looked more like a caretaker if he had a broom in his hand.

9:06Luke Moore: No, but he was wearing the club stuff, wasn't he? Yeah. Yeah, so that's fine. I think he got it right, actually. Lost property. He looked like he was wearing lost property, Marcus. I think Pete's point overall is totally valid, but in the situation… But he was wearing lost property. No, the only a bit about the suit. But the only thing is you're right to say that Callum McFarland, I mean, he cannot turn up in a lovely crisp suit. Space boys! Go full space boys! Yeah, you've got to do one or the other. I think had he have done, I tell you what, there would have been a lot more interest from the neutrals and a lot more support from the neutrals.

9:43It'd be a bit like a widow dressing in a cocktail dress at a funeral. That's what it would have been like.

9:51Luke Moore: Very dark analogy. Pete knows. He's seen his fair share. He knows. He's seen his fair share, yeah. But it was a joyful game, wasn't it? It was a really, really poor game. It was a poor final. Decided by a great goal, though, has to be said. I mean, one of the great FA Cup final winning goals, you might say. The Man United final. I always drag it back to bad final, good goal, but it's the Man United-Cantonard goal for me. You know, good, solid goal. Oh, it's better than that one. I mean, that was the only, yeah, that was a dreadful final in 96. And with the volley through all the crowd of players.

10:20Yeah, Semenya's goal was better than that. I know what you mean, though.

10:23Luke Moore: It was a moment of quality, but yeah, Semenya's goal, it's a beauty. It's a whip of a flick. He's just such an instinctive improviser, isn't he? He's jazz. He's scatman. He is. And Semenyo is like, don't start talking about the scatman when Mark's on the show. You'll never get past it. But Semenyo's FA Cup journey is genuinely a really interesting one. Someone was pointing out a line earlier that he made his debut in the FA Cup against the Met Police. Oh, nice. in like a really, really early round. And he used to play with Newport as well, didn't he? He's been around the houses, definitely. Yeah.

11:02Luke Moore: And he's, yeah. But it is, Mag, a player of that quality that you were saying there, Peter, who can do such things in big games. How it is quite heartening, as you say, when you sort of say all this stuff that not everybody, as we kind of think now, has come through an academy system or was always at a big club kind of thing. Like he really has gone round the house, as I say, and gone through the footballing pyramid and so on and so forth. Come to the floor. Well, yeah. I mean, he's come up through the floorboard. It's like evil dead. Through the floorboard. But the great shame is that he declared for Ghana.

11:43He declared for Ghana a number of years ago. He went in his pot hat. That's why. He did. I know. He came back to the FA and he called him up and he said, they promised me a pot. what can you do for me? And he said, bowl a hat. And he said, no deal.

11:57Luke Moore: I think Harry Kane has gone to the FA more than once or twice in these last couple of years and said, you really need to get better at securing some of these lads because I could have Semenyo and Alisa either side of me than the summer. And because of you, that's gone. That is beggar's belief, that. Absolutely beggar's belief. Anyway, I'm getting way off topic here as I do because I've got the fever. Did you not see Liam DeLapp? Did you not see Liam DeLapp's performance? I did. I did, poor old Liam. We were big in the Muck Marcus about a year ago. Do you remember? Yeah, there's still time. As Semenyo's shown, there's still time.

12:30But Semenyo's never looked like he's forgotten how to play football.

12:34Luke Moore: That's true. That is true. Well, I mean, look, it was a moment of great quality. As I say, it was a beautiful flick. One of the finest flicks of that type of goal that we've seen. The first one I think I ever saw was Brian Roy for Nottingham Forest in the 90s. Yeah. I've seen more nowadays, that kind of thing. Oh, you do, Peter, you do. I mean, even our very own Danny Welbeck scored one when we witnessed it in Keith for England, yeah, against Sweden. But this was a beauty. And I think it was such a likeable player, Semenyo. I think that, you know, for the neutrals, not the most romantic of finals, Man City versus Chelsea.

13:13Luke Moore: And a game which didn't really give us much, but it did give us that winning goal from a very, very likeable man, Luke Moore. And so that's something that we all got to hang our hat on. it is and I thought Mark Gay played pretty well as well which is good going into the summer he's already won two trophies at Man City I know isn't it funny how like the energy and the and the kind of the standard that Guardiola brings it's just like you're no way going to put this I mean if unless they do the incredible and the unthinkable win the league as well which looks very unlikely now but if they don't do that there's no way you are holding this season up as one of the great Guardiola the seasons.

13:52It's like two trophies in the bank. I know. A lot of other managers would kill to win a domestic cup double. And he just does it as a matter of course. And the standards he sets for his team and for himself are just so high that we take it for granted. And I know they've had a lot of money. I know they've had a lot of players. I know there's charges hanging over them, blah, blah, blah. But just on the pure football side of it, he manages to dig out. And you said it's his third FA Cup win. he clearly loves the FA Cup as well I've often thought this if you see him he does love a cup

14:24Luke Moore: he loves it almost as much as the League Cup but I think so here's the thing he thinks the League Cup gives them a platform to go on and achieve in the back end of the season gives them confidence all that kind of stuff he said that I think he has a lot of reverence for the FA Cup and he kept saying in the interview that TNT I think it was did in the build up they did like an 8-hour build up which the players did not reward by the way but he kept talking about how it's the oldest cup competition in the world and how I think for someone who's not from England who's maybe watched a lot of English football has grown up in the generation we've kind of grown up really the FA Cup's a really big deal and I like that he's got that reverence for it and it shows because they seem to always win it he's got reverence for everything in football he's got reverence for Neil Warnock to Sam Allardyce all the old starlings he's head patting them isn't he that's head patting yeah that's belly tickles isn't it yeah maybe your time's over grandad is he belly tickles time's spot yeah maybe that's what it is he doesn't have reverence for being asked about his future with Manchester City though because he ran off from that interview didn't he have a lovely evening and off he went it was a little joke though wasn't it oh I didn't find it I found it disrespectful mate well Cremates J1 on Twitter didn't find it funny because he wrote Grok based on Pep's body language, is he going to stay at Man City?

15:51Asking Grok about body language. And I'll tell you for what, Grok was very com-si-com-sa, let's say. He was very non-committal, one way or t 'other. Pete, what did you make of his body language? We don't need Grok, we've got Donaldson. What did you make of it? You can't mug people off and then shake their hands. That's not right. Either choose one or t 'other. You can't do both. What, you reckon he should have just exited stage left rather than shake hands? Snap the microphone in half, swallow the 9-volt battery within, and then just jog down the touchline. Ta-ta. Ta-ta, boys and girls.

16:23Luke Moore: Goodbye. This was it. Big pop-off on the way off. Well, look, if you're eating 9-volt batteries, that's going to happen, to be honest, yeah. Speaking of people popping off, were you pleased for Bernardo Silva, Luke Moore? He seems a bit of a shit. Do you think? Why is that? Go on, unpack that for us. Because he punched a Sunderland player the other day. Did he? That'll happen. He threw hands at a certain player. I was about to say, you're not getting Pete on board with that. No, he definitely... DC's reign is over. I'm back from holiday, dickhead. Maybe it wasn't a Sunderland player, but he definitely threw his hand at someone.

17:04I'm going to say one word about Bernardo Silva, and I want you two to instinctively say yes or no, whether you agree or not. And it's one word to describe him. And it'll sum up what I think. Ready? Petulant. So he peaks nodding. Well, his initials are BS. So he just brings a lot of that to his play, I think.

17:27Luke Moore: I think he's, I reckon he'd be a good bloke. Really? On the field, maybe a little bit petulant. But I think the fabulous players, no doubt about that. I reckon he's a good egg off the pitch. If he's not, and other people can say a lot of stuff about him that is on the contrary, I have no idea. Never met the man. I think he'd be all right, though. I'm going to stop here before I say something which is no good to anybody. By the way, producer Roy just put into the running order that it was Nathan Collins for Brentford that Bernardos were punched and apparently punched him in the back of the knee.

17:59That is a woeful crime. Bruno almost did that, Bruno Aguilaris, when he was on the floor. Yeah, he was right amongst it. I think he's a good player. I'll be sad to see him leave the Premier League because in his pomp, he was magnificent. But again, World Cup year and he's Portuguese and he's petulant.

18:17Luke Moore: Right. Okay. The petulant Portuguese. If I was a sub-editor for a tabloid newspaper, I would take every opportunity I could to describe him as a petulant Portuguese. It's not just... Look, we have to ramp up our jingoism. We have to ramp up our xenophobia. I haven't done it for weeks. Well, that's what I mean. We have to take that form that league form into the World Cup. You know, we can't just, we can't rest. We've rested ourselves for months and months. We've got to ramp it up. Pete, I've been saying for weeks now, on the record, happy to do it again, in a World Cup year, you simply cannot mistreat French, German or Argentinian people.

18:53And I'm happy to extend that to the Portuguese. No problem whatsoever. Good on you. The whole Iberian Peninsula, sod it. Yeah. It was, did you not think the first, like, 20 minutes is as much like where Chelsea just thought we'll just double on Ducco and everything will be fine and everything was fine is that the way you should play Man City well I think

19:15Luke Moore: I think Chelsea did all right I mean obviously they lost the game but I thought they they were in the game for a long time even after they starved Marmouche of any balls they did he didn't do anything first half Enzo Fernandes might have scored on another day I mean I don't think anybody really gave Chelsea too much of a chance in this game but it's no consolation to say, well, they tried hard and they did okay, but they still got a silver medal. I think the fact that they got to an FA Cup final was quite an achievement, bearing in mind all the crap that's been going on in that club. But incredibly though, they end the season with, what I think people would still agree in Xabi Alonso is one of the brightest young managers in European football.

20:00Luke Moore: Just insanity. Just insanity. What was that? I have to say, I am almost in admiration for Chelsea. Yeah, I know what you mean. To be able to get this done, given that any person who's got any literacy in football finance whatsoever is essentially saying they are in real trouble, particularly with no European football. And this is a club that people should run a mile from. Yet they managed to get the work done early. I presume it's because they are just throwing so much money at him that he's saying, okay, great, I'll be in London, I'll be in the Premier League, that's fine. He probably waited for Liverpool to make a move, they didn't.

20:43So if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with, you know, as they say. He's not even with them. But other than that, I can't really explain it, can you? It's another ugly decision from a deeply handsome manager. once again he's joined Real Madrid he joins Real Madrid he doesn't get on with any of the players the club would rather fire a really talented systems manager than achieve anything and just you know deal with the you know the superstars that they've got in their squad and now he's just in a place where he doesn't have any big stars to manage so it might actually fame quite well

21:22Luke Moore: Well you're assuming Enzo Fernandes moves on then Yes I am yes to Barcelona yes Real Madrid with Jabby Alonso to extrapolate your analogy outlook is he going for Chelsea to make Liverpool jealous because I think it's going to work I think is it just a joke that went too far is that what you're saying no I think I'm signing now I'm going to sign I'm actually going to do it I'm going to sign oh crap I've actually signed I've actually signed I really thought they were going to call he woke up next morning oh what a terrible drink oh no it was the auto pen it was the honour when they did it he docusigned it he docusigned it someone docusigned it on his behalf and logged in in his Gmail address at this point in your career why would you want to lose like upwards of like a year and it will only be a year to Chelsea but I suppose the question would be where else would he go I mean if he's managed the job he did at Bayer Leverkusen the only job in Germany for him would be Bayern Munich and they're not going to part ways with Vincent Kompany Lewis and Rick is at PSG in Italy.

22:29But there's talk he's going to move, isn't there, Enrique?

22:31Luke Moore: Yeah, maybe. But I mean, look, maybe they've found it out. Maybe he doesn't want to go to Ligue 1. Maybe he doesn't want to go to Serra. He wants to come to the Premier League quite clearly. Liverpool, as you've already mentioned there, with Chelsea, it's still a big club. It's still a decent squad of players. They will spend big in the summer. Whether they spend it correctly or not is neither here nor there, but they will spend a few quid. And apparently, he really wanted to live in London. And I did think to myself, Look, I live in London and I love living in London. It's a great city. But Jabby, is it that great that you want to do that?

23:03Luke Moore: And you're in West London as well. Yeah, that's the nice part. Yeah. But Gels is just up the road. That's what it is. He's trying to get close to the rainbow. My take is that, like, you know, he's too big, as you guys have both mentioned, his two big contributions in management have been at Bialabacus and Real Madrid, right? Yeah. We all know what happens. So there's nowhere else to go in Spain and Germany, realistically. But what I was going to say was, you know, Chelsea, despite what Pete said, I mean, I know they're by young players. I know that they're not absolutely jam-packed with superstars when compared to Real Madrid.

23:38It's a totally fair point. And so maybe you would say that as a playing personnel, Chelsea, this current Chelsea squad is much more reminiscent of the Bayer Leverkusen side that he had. And it is the Real Madrid side, right? I get that. But as clubs, Chelsea are far closer to Real Madrid than they are by a Labour cousin in terms of how things are done, the attention they get, all that kind of stuff. And my answer would just be, you're 44 years old. If you want to pick the right job, then wait. Because maybe people don't think it is the wrong job going to Real Madrid. Maybe Chelsea's kind of the same because you know what?

24:15They've got such a reputation. You do your best. And if you get turfed out, you get a load of money and no one thinks any less of you. And I get that. But if he wants to hold out for somewhere that he actually wants to go, like Liverpool, it's about timing, isn't it? And he must... Look, I'm not judging him for going there. Do you. You do your thing. But he must have had some kind of information saying that Liverpool aren't going to go for him. He must have had that. And he must have gone, okay, well, I'll take this job then.

24:42Luke Moore: But I take everything you're saying, Luke. And when you're saying, what is he, 44 or mid-40s, whatever, just wait, he's going to come. but he can wait around to see if there's any you know we've just gone through some of the clubs there there is no movement there's there's nothing they might just take more time at the game they do but if he is keen I mean bearing in mind fabulous time at Bayer Leverkusen at Real Madrid how long was he there? A matter of months and he's thinking you know what I want to get back on it I want to show people what I can do Chelsea have made the offer The money's on the table.

25:22Luke Moore: The contract's there. Come along, big boy. You know, sort us out. We've got a talented squad. No messing around here. They may well, if... I mean, I forget all the permutations and so on for the other European spots in the Premier League because it's so jam-packed in there. But I think at the time of recording, Chelsea are playing Spurs tomorrow night. They could still sneak in to one of the competitions, maybe. But I think, you know, they've obviously sold it to him. And as I say, the offer and the money are there. And this group of owners that Chelsea have, immensely unpopular. They've been absolutely diabolical.

26:02Luke Moore: And they will be very aware of what the fans think of them. Xabi Alonso comes along and if he says to them, right, and he said, I want to buy players that can win Premier Leagues and all the rest of it, then maybe they've listened to him. Maybe they've gone, oh, yeah, I get all that. I'm just very, I'm very curious. as to how they squared the circle with him and his representatives about the financial situation at the club. Because as I said at the top of this, anyone who knows anything about football finance, all of them are saying, this is a time bomb. But at some point, this is going to be really, really bad.

26:41And you can look it up online if you don't want to listen to me talk about it. There's loads of stuff on YouTube about it. We're much more learned people about this stuff than me. and I'm just surprised that he's chosen to go there in that environment. And I'd love to know what they said to him to convince him to take the job. That's what I'm saying.

26:58Luke Moore: Maybe he raised it with them and they just went, it's fake news, fake news. And he went, great. Maybe. That's it. Maybe, Marcus. It's possible. Could he be the man to win Chelsea? Well, he's the sixth different manager in like four years. Well, indeed. And they've lost seven of their last seven domestic cup finals. So could he be the man who gets him to an eighth cup final and wins a competition? There won't be a cup final anytime soon, Marcus. He's going to have to wait around 10 months or so to get to another cup final. Well, good thing to come to those who wait. Make a little sort of... Make his own one, Pete.

27:31Would you do that? A little Asian cup. I'm going to Hong Kong to play some... Hong Kong Select XI. Oh, we've won. Well done, Charlie Lonzo. You've got us somewhere. That's what Spurs do. Exactly. Exactly true.

27:43Luke Moore: Yeah. Well, have your pre-season cup here. Like Arsenal. I don't know if Arsenal still do, and then you have your domestic cup. Right, enough of the bollocks, everybody. Coming up after this, heartbreak for hearts.

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30:57Luke Moore: I don't watch films, and I hate the cinema. Why do you hate the cinema, Carl? I've got reasons. Do you want to say any reasons? I want to hear the reasons. Right. One, the TV's too big. Two, the TV's too loud. Yeah, okay. Three, the snacks are so expensive. Yeah, they are a joke. Honestly, if you're a CineRar owner, it's a joke. And four, you've just... There's loads of other people there. I know. It is a bugbear, isn't it? When people are eating popcorn, you're here. And you've got to be quiet. So, yeah, there's my five reasons why CineRar is rubbish. Well, back to the football ramble, everybody.

31:28Luke Moore: Thanks to the friend of the ramble, Paul, for sending us that incredible clip. you can become a friend of the Ramble too. Search patron.com forward slash football Ramble or click that join button on YouTube to get involved. Cole Palmer hates the cinema, PT. He doesn't like the big TV. Yeah. I've never heard it called that before. It's amazing. Unlike a lot of big TV, unlike his Chelsea teammates, I would like to support him like they didn't do in the FA Cup final in his ideas and thoughts and dreams and ambitions because he, I do kind of agree with two of those things. I think the popcorn is too pricey.

32:06But that said, he should be able to afford some popcorn. He just should. Yeah, I think that's the one of the four or five that I'm least sympathetic for. I respect the takes elsewhere. But if I may just be a little bit unfair for the next minute or so, the thing that made me really sad about this TV spot, which I did see on the big TV. No, the normal-sized TV. The normal-sized TV, yeah. I sometimes in my Instagram account get surfed up chat show clips from the golden age of television, like it's Norman Mailer debating with Gore Vidal on Dick Havitt and stuff. And it does make me a little bit sad that this is now what TV is.

32:49I just have to get that out there. Yeah, I think that's fair. Not that this is the most highbrow show ever, But, you know, I just want to put that out there.

32:56Luke Moore: All right, we've stalled long enough. Celtic are the Scottish champions. They beat Hearts 3-1 at Celtic Park on the weekend. They clinched their fifth Scottish Premiership title in a row. It's a fairytale, whichever way you look at it. Well, as one of the Celtic players said, I forget who it was. Was it maybe Johnson? He said, you know, people wrote us off. People wrote us off. but we've, you know, and as somebody put on Twitter, yeah, people wrote them off, says the man who plays for the club have won 14 of the last 15 league titles. Yeah, it's very much from the Jude Bellingham school. You know, Jude Bellingham did that interview talk about how ever, you just wanted to prove all the doubt that's wrong.

33:37It's like, Jude, everyone's been saying you're the best teenage footballer since you're about 14 years old.

33:41Luke Moore: You've got your own Adidas advert, Jude. Exactly. Yeah, but you don't think it's, you don't think it's kind of like with Hearts being, you know, certainly we're not top of the league at any point during the season. so that's like it's the mind because of I suppose yeah do you think that's pretty mad James Forrest's 14th title come on there is a little bit of confidence the manager's 74 years old Marcus he's not going to have another one of them cruelty to old people Marcus cruelty to old people Marcus he said they give him life did you see that he thought about cuddling that female steward oh yeah oh that's a brilliant clip yeah just dodge it at the last minute fantastic there is obviously more context than that you have to give Celtic credit annoyingly because they've gone on such a winning run and it has been shambolic at that club.

34:29Luke Moore: But of course, shambolic at Celtic means you might finish second, you know. Was I getting a medal medal for Wilfred Nancy? He's technically contributed some points. That is a great point. I never thought about that. Yeah, Wilfred, surely he's been in charge long enough to get himself a medal, I don't know. So if he turned up at the start, come on then. I'd love him out there on his LinkedIn. Scottish premiership will be manager. I mean, look, the fact is Martin O 'Neill had two, not one, but two stints as Celtic manager this season. Again, it shows you how he's managed to get the club back on track.

35:06Luke Moore: But again, getting the club back on track is winning them a title. They've won 14 out of the last 15. So again, I don't want to be too, you know, My mouth is full of sour grapes, by the way, just in case anybody is in any doubt at all. You've made that quite clear. Indeed. But, you know, yeah, he's done well. He's inspired them. They've got them on that run. And, I mean, when they were saying, oh, we were being written off. No, you weren't being written off, not by anybody who was associated by Hearts. They knew. It was kind of the opposite of that, wasn't it? Well, it was. It was kind of like, I can't believe that we've got this lead.

35:40Luke Moore: How can we stay up here? Can we keep this going? Can we? can we because Celtic are inevitably going to come all the way back that was the chat and of course they did um it's such a sickening of that I mean like I've it's been a long time since I've been that gutted about a domestic football but it wasn't the thing is the the sickening part of it oh Luke I know I know wasn't the weekend was it it was the game before that really well we I said at the time ahead of this game in the preview show, if Celtic win this game, we will come back to that. And here we are. And the reason why we come back to that is Celtic obviously win the game 3-1.

36:22Luke Moore: The third goal is scored because Hearts need something and they've pushed everybody up and they just run the ball in the back of the net. The second goal, yeah, look, Celtic were pushing. They were knocking on the door. It's a couple of minutes towards the end. Okay, there would have been a fair few minutes of injury time. but you're right Luke if yeah if this is sour grapes then so be it but if that goal doesn't go in against Motherwell the penalty in the last minute Celtic have to win that game 3-0 we'll never know of course we don't Celtic are league champions I get all that totally but I don't think that Celtic would beat the team who've got the best defensive record in the league that season by three goals who knows again it's utterly pointless the words coming out of my mouth now But that decision did change the complexity.

37:10Luke Moore: You saw the scenes with those Celtic fans celebrating at Fir Park. But look, that was it. Hearts still had an enormous opportunity. And if I really kind of want to go to the really sad place for so many Hearts fans, it is distinctly within the realms of possibility that we never see them come this close to winning a title again in our lifetimes. Now, that's a really, really negative way of putting it. The immediate positive spin you want to sort of quickly grab is that the fact that Tony Bloom has come in and said that within the next sort of five or ten years, you know, that is the plan to win a league title.

37:51Luke Moore: You look what he's done in Belgium with Union Saint-Giroir. That gives you cause for optimism. He said this season that he fancied that they could split the old firm. He got a bit laughed at that, but he's done it. but you know for those who I mean I think I think a lot of people around Britain particularly in England who don't watch any or follow any Scottish football they're well aware of the significance of this and that's why I think it captured the imagination of so many people with the fact that Hart's haven't won the league since 1960 no team other than Rangers and Celtic have won it since 1985 this I don't think it would have been as as quite as great as Leicester City's achievement but it would be there there would be some similarities with with you look at the budgets and you look at the huge clubs that range the celtacar how they completely dominate the landscape and and so on and so forth but i think the fact is that hearts have given so many people such a massive cheer this season and you might say i mean it's put scottish football maybe back on the map i mean not for all the best reasons of course uh with some of the decisions and the scenes at the end.

39:02Luke Moore: I mean, I don't know. Has, I mean, was the full-time whistle even blown? Well, yeah, it was a funny situation. I mean, I don't like to see those scenes. I think, you know, what's happened is, of course, as you've touched on, Celtic score because the goalkeeper and all the defenders are up trying to get a goal, right? Get that. And then they just run it into the net, as you said. And then the problem is the Celtic fans run on the pitch at that point when there's still 30 seconds left plus 30 seconds for a goal a minute or so left realistically hearts aren't going to score two goals in that time but you have to respect the integrity of the competition right I don't care if people run on there so I heard a footballer it might have been Curtis Davis on the BBC ex-footballer saying that and obviously he's only speaking on behalf of himself but he was kind of speaking about it with knowledge and the other ex-pro pundit was with him I forget it was was kind of agreeing with him he said look football players hate it when fans do this like it's really it's really um it's like frightening he said it's okay what the other player was saying oh it's okay actually because whenever i've had this kind of situation i've always been in the home sit on the home side and i've always felt like it's been okay but if you're an away player it's really intimidating and if you look at say what um what happened to i think it was who had like players surrounding him and stuff they didn't even wait to the final whistle right so the players the away players didn't even have a chance to run down the tunnel because the game was still going on right yeah um sfa have come out later and said i'll know that the final whistle was blown i think what actually happened was yeah what actually happened was they it spilled over they were celebrating a league title in a really unlikely fashion i get all that but you have you have to wait to the final whistle i mean i mean essentially the game got abandoned really it's kind of in practice yeah sfa came out ahead of it and said oh it It wasn't that.

40:58Luke Moore: But that's what's been talked about. Obviously, the SFA are going to say that, aren't they? They're probably... It will be a minor fine and the most minor slap on the wrists for Celtic. That's what will happen. I don't think for a moment the game should be forfeited and replayed. I would find it beyond hilarious if they did that, but they're never going to do that in a month of Sundays. And again, I don't think anybody... I think that would make... That's good to be... Even more of a circus than you might argue. It's an admin point, really. Well, indeed. And I think, you know, one thing that we have seen, a lot of people who know Scottish football have known this for quite some time, that, you know, some of the decisions made up there and so on might well favour the old firm here and there.

41:42Luke Moore: What? I don't know if there's any evidence recently for that, but, you know, certainly that's the chat. But, you know, there has to be some kind of fine, like at least or whatever. In summary, guys, well, congratulations to Celtic. Yeah, absolutely. Worthy winners. Pete, would you go along with that? Yeah, I probably would agree, yeah. I think you probably, do you know what, Luke? It's probably best you do something up like that because I can go on and on here and I'm only going to get myself into all sorts of things. By the way, for the record, I don't have a dog in this fight at all. I don't actually give a shit.

42:15I think it would be an amazing story if Hart's won it for all the reasons you've said. The fact that Celtic have won it is fine. But I do think so many behaviour in and out of the ground was poor and it has to be called out, right? And sorry, I should have said the SPFL, not the SFA. Sorry. Referencing an acronym earlier of an administrative body not doing what you're supposed to be doing.

42:38Luke Moore: Yes. No, no, no. Good to clarify. Good to clarify. So there we are. And the real signal for hearts is they go into the Champions League in like the fourth preliminary round. The amount of rounds they have to go through now, It's just like, oh, just stickers in the Europa League for crying out loud. They're turning those up at the Champions League now, are they? Too big for their boots. Sound like I need to be brought down to earth, Pete. I don't know about you. I think, Luke, when you've had a very, very, very unwelcome, healthy dose of realism, just land on your plate. By the way, fair play to Celtic for making a really good atmosphere in there as well for letting all those Hearts fans in.

43:18752 there were. Yeah. Well, he's only 60 ,000. 752 hardy souls.

43:24Luke Moore: That old thing's a fucking piss take. Fuck off. Right, I'll go back to the Premier League where people treat each other right. Yeah. Oh, dear. Aston Villa four, Liverpool two. Let's talk about that. Let's talk about that. Although Mo Salah's not been treated right. We'll get to him in a minute. Four two, though. How piss poor are Liverpool, by the way, Luke? Yeah, the avant-garde interpretation of the defensive positioning from Ibrahim McInerney was remarkable, even for him. Like, it was like, I think Jamie Carragher was on co-coms and he couldn't believe the starting position of so many, like, defensive movers from Liverpool.

44:01I do not. He was like, he'd run out of ways to describe it.

44:05Luke Moore: Carragher, I think, was like, he was a few steps away of thinking, I'll play the next game. Do you know what I mean? Like, it was... Because they were putting most of the passes through the midfield, like, through the middle. Just direct passes through the middle. Canarte wasn't even in camera shot after that. Liverpool defence the defence didn't have enough people they didn't have the resources to defend they never had enough people to attack it was like they just kept losing men like they just like marched down the tunnel and then come back for a bit it was so confusing it was so poorly resourced it's like Canate had like sublimed himself into a gas but you expected him to be there he just wouldn't appear is it Villa Park I mean it's well it's not Villa Park it is this Liverpool team but you remember when they got beat their 7-2 I think Klopp was in that was a weird aberration but there's a problem with Liverpool is they cannot defend their defensive performances this season have been terrible and I think the statistics would back that up and secondly they can't put more than like half an hour of a performance together yeah mate I it's they dodged so many arrows in the first half and then their luck finally ran out and then it ran out a bit more and then kept running out until there was no luck even on the pitch well they are I mean let's be honest Liverpool are lucky that there's only what they've got one game left and Bournemouth have got two games left of the season.

45:21Luke Moore: Because if it was maybe three or four games, you'd think Bournemouth would catch them. They're also lucky that Bournemouth have got to play Man City. Now, that game's not a foregone conclusion. But, you know, it's obviously a tall order. Man City's still in the title race. But my goodness, you know, this Liverpool side, to think that they'll be in the Champions League next season, which, you know, at the time of recording, they are in fifth. they have to have a huge summer because if they don't and nothing changes like this could be an Eric Ten Hag situation for Manchester United where they kind of go no no no we believe in him no I appreciate Ten Hag never won the league and Slott did okay so we have to remember last season but this season the drop off from last season for a number of reasons and everyone's kind of had their say on that if they get into a situation at the start of next season where in the first month it's more of the same oh my goodness you know the eyes will be out for him.

46:15Absolutely bananas they're sticking with him. They must be sticking with him now because I'm obviously, I'm putting two and two together here. Might be getting five, but based on what I said earlier about Xavi Alonso, they must be sticking with him because that must be the information Xavi Alonso received. Well, it has been, yeah. And I think that is a bonkers decision, like totally bonkers, given the manner of how they've performed this season. But this match in particular was like the latter in the season kind of in microcosm because next season they're going to be playing better midfields than Tillemans and Barkley in the Champions League.

46:52They just are. So I don't get who they're playing in the early stages of the Champions League. They're going to find it very difficult to put in any kind of performance. I know they'll have like Isaac back and stuff like that. He'll probably be firing also.

47:04Luke Moore: Mind you though, Pete, having said that, I mean, if you remember, and I was agreeing with you there, but if you remember this season in the first phase of the Champions League, Liverpool and Spurs both went through automatically. So it is a bit of a funny one in the early stages of the Champions League. But look, I ultimately agree with you. I think that they have to improve. And I just, I wonder if they do, because, I mean, is it all, is Mo Salah that toxic at the club that they think, oh, if he goes and we keep, you know, slot stays and, you know, we build again, we're going to be okay. I think, look, I take the point in pitch making.

47:41and I think it's not giving Villa enough credit. I think Villa have got a team.

47:43Luke Moore: Well, I was going to come on to Villa in a second. Got a lot of good players. And if you're going to start pinning results on why Liverpool are broadly terrible, it's games like getting smashed at home to Nottingham Forest or losing at home heavily to PSV Eindhoven in the Champions League or being beaten by Bournemouth. It's throughout the season. They lost at Marnu, I think. So there's loads of stuff. It's so tepid. It's so tepid. But look, Villa completely capitalised on it. And it's great to see Oli Watkins among the goals. Morgan Rodgers loves it. John McGinn scored a beauty, an absolute beauty.

48:22Luke Moore: And that revs them up very nicely for that Europa League final, which, again, if you're Freiburg, you're thinking, bloody hell, you know, that isn't at all. Villa would be massive favourites. If I win that, I'll be stunned. Well, I would as well. And that'll be fabulous for Villa because I think, I think they've the last sort of few seasons basically since Emery's taken over I've really enjoyed Aston Villa I think that they are a side you know I've enjoyed them in the Champions League as we did they had a great run of course what would it be two seasons ago now or whenever it was when they were they were beaten just by PSG they took to that competition really well they've been good generally in Europe obviously they're in the final now but in the Premier League for a little while this season we thought maybe they would be in a title race after having had a pretty terrible start to the season as well.

49:10Luke Moore: They've been brilliant. They've entertained us. They've scored some great goals. We've had some great moments from Villa. I would love it if they won that Europa League final because they haven't won a trophy in so long. A club that size has gone so long without winning a major. But look, that victory against Liverpool, bang, they're back in the Champions League. I mean, we suspect they will win that Europa League. I did enjoy it when the fourth goal went in and Ollie Watkins was just shouting at the crowd, Champions League Champions League I was like that's the kind of exuberance that I think one enjoys in footballers but Peter let's get all this out of the way from an England point of view Morgan Rodgers and Ollie Watkins among the goals yes please yeah I mean less so I'm less interested in Ollie Watkins but you know how we feel about Morgan Rodgers we need a backup we need a backup do need a backup yeah I love a bit of Morgan Rodgers me he's not been the most consistent this season but Watkins has definitely come into the form at the right time.

50:07Definitely.

50:08Luke Moore: Yes, he really has. With Calvert-Lewin scoring as well. Do you know what, Luke? I'll take them both. Yeah. I mean, yeah. We know what you'd do. Break all the rules on personnel, basically. What's wrong with taking three strikers? Three strikers is alright. He's a 26-man squad. Yeah. Kane got his hat-trick on the last day. We'll see you on Friday, won't we? Yeah, well, we certainly will. Looking forward to that. All right. Coming up after this, West Ham are in big, big trouble.

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52:55Luke Moore: Welcome back to the Football Ramble, everybody. Yes, at the bottom of the table, West Ham are in serious trouble. They were beaten 3-1 by Newcastle United at St James' Park. They remain two points from safety with one game to go. And of course, with the goal difference taken into account, Pete Donaldson, if Spurs were to avoid defeat at Stamford Bridge, surely that would condemn West Ham United to a season in the Championship next season. Yeah, I mean, that's them done really, isn't it? I think West Ham, the way that that started, Nuno, for some reason, came out with his chemistry set and his teeth pipettes and his beakers and went, you know what, should we go with five at the back and like an old Victorian rattan chair up top, please?

53:40Thank you. Just, you just sort of, I realise narrative, you know, rules the roost when it comes to the Premier League sometimes, but you may as well have put Suchek up there because Suchek always scores against Newcastle. Wilson was so unsupported West Ham conceded a lot at the start and you thought oh maybe they're starting to sort of maybe there's a possibility they'll weather this storm against an ailing Newcastle United but they managed to get through a pretty bad VAR call in my opinion I think Suchek should have got a penalty Newcastle should have got a penalty for the Suchek handball I don't know why it wasn't given and they rode their luck there But yeah, Newcastle just came at them and some of the defensive positioning was absolutely terrible.

54:26When Tadabo came off, he was like really angry at Nuno. It's like, have you seen how you've been playing? You could have come off in the first 10 minutes very, very easily.

54:38Luke Moore: Yeah. Well, yeah, 27 minutes in, he was brought off because like 2-0 down, it's all to play for. I mean, yeah, West Ham were really bad. They were so open. And Nuno, when I forget which one it was, probably the second goal, it just cut to him. He looked lost. And that's when I thought he, I know it's only a moment the camera's on him, but that's the moment where you want your manager straight up, like the body language to show the players, even the fans, right, hang on. No, we're still in this. Get up, start barking orders, doing stuff. And he just sat there, didn't he, and looked into the abyss.

55:17He probably, I was half expecting him to look at the camera and go, listen, I'm not necessarily the most good looking man, but I tell you what, next season, you're going to have a real hottie Scott, Scotty Parker in the dugout. So, you know, you don't have to look at this glom, guess who face. Just give me the money. You should have worn that three, that four striped jacket that Scott Parker wears. Exactly. Yeah. But look, I agree with everything you guys are saying. My take, would just be that when they started off so poorly that you can't start off that badly, particularly when you're fighting for your lives and when you've got, you're playing against a team who are vulnerable, who've not been that good this season and you can win at St James' Park this season, right?

55:58You can, right? Especially with that frontline press that they've kind of nailed together by a crook. But my, and look, on paper, I don't think that Wilson with Somerville and Byron behind is that bad. I don't think it's that bad either. I don't understand why they're so poor. but the point the main point I want to make was and you guys touched on it Tadebo gets dragged off and I thought right he's now going to go to four at the back because playing three at the back I don't I don't like West Ham three at the back at the moment in in this season I think when I think to some of the good wins they've had at Spurs and they beat Sunderland at home they beat Everton there's probably one or two others as well I think when they beat Wolves easily fine it's Wolves all those games that I can think of they played four at the back I don't know why he's gone but it's his default

56:48Luke Moore: isn't it off the Mennuno and I thought he's gone two minutes after 19 minutes and he's seen what's happening and he's going to change it to four he didn't, he stayed for it about the whole time and the game it was just taken away from them and you can't justify that when the position they're in they had to get something out of this game they had to I cannot see the justification that West Ham fans are pissed off generally anyway. I totally understand that. But I would be so pissed off if my team needed to get something out of this game. Two games of the season left and they start like that. What's the excuse?

57:26What is the excuse for it? It's embarrassingly poor.

57:30Luke Moore: It really is poor. And let's be honest, it was, you know, 2-0 became 3-0. And it was only when Castellanos scores an absolute peach, which regrettably... One of the great forgotten goals, that would be. Exactly, Lugia. Yeah, yeah. Suddenly there was a little bit of a spark and then they had a chance, you know, Bowen had a chance and Castellanos hit the post himself. I mean, had they have managed to get, say, a draw out of that game, which even at 3-1 never looked likely, it would have been an absolute miracle. And you're right. You start a game like that, you go 3-0 down against a side who, okay, Newcastle were a little bit better in this game than they have been, but they're not.

58:03That striker's doing Michael Jackson dances with a little glove on. Did you see that?

58:07Luke Moore: I thought that was in poor taste, if I'm honest, Peter. you just relegated a team and you're doing a Michael Jackson dance and you're wearing a silver glove a sequin glove brilliant I didn't say I didn't like it I just said it was in more taste the team's gone down they're interviewing Kieran Tripp here on the touchline what was that about? I don't know I've never seen it before was it an old interview that they dropped in or did they actually just drag him out of his seat where he looked quite emotional what is he going to get on? bearing in mind bearing in mind he started the match he brought his daughter on obviously last game in the season your kids come on as the mascots I don't like to see that and he brought his daughter on and she was in tears focus on your job focus on your job focus on your job what do you think this is last day of term at fucking junior school get on with your job get the kids out after one if you win if you win no they did win but look I think look ultimately can you make an argument for West Ham staying up now.

59:09I mean, if Spurs lose at Chelsea, I think they probably will. Then it's two points, right? It's obviously out of West Ham's hands now. They're playing Leeds. You've got nothing to play for. And Spurs are playing Everton. Everton were dreadful against Sunderland. I mean, a couple of my West Ham supporting mates before this Newcastle game yesterday texted me saying, I'm really worried now. I haven't seen Everton. It's worrying. So, I think they're probably relegated. Spurs are probably going to dodge a bullet and live to fight another day. But you never know. You never know. It's annoying because you sort of get the sense that West Ham was starting to get a little bit of an identity.

59:54They were starting to sort of, they didn't look quite as leaky at the back and they were starting to sort of figure out how to score goals again but it's just come just way too late for them. Yeah, Marcus was saying, Marcus, you're right, Pete, Marcus was saying, I remember a month or two ago that Nuno's got them going. Well, he had.

1:00:09Luke Moore: I mean, if you looked at the form table and how many points they'd gained, there was a period where they were up there. And since, was it January or something like that? He'd brought them right back in it. And I thought, where's this? And it came from nowhere. You remember how bad it was for Nuno under Nuno for so long? We were all saying, well, they've got to sack him. And suddenly, boom, they had this uptick and they were right back in it. And it's Deserbi who's come along and who's really kind of looks like he saved them. Yes, Spurs have been aided by that very uncharacteristic and dreadful performance from Villa at home.

1:00:44Luke Moore: I mean, if you had the Villa that beat Liverpool, then maybe we might be talking about a different thing. That was about timing really, wasn't it? It was. Yeah, Europa League and stuff. But yeah, I mean, whichever way you slice it, they've got eight points in the last four games. Got to give Spurs credit. Spurs, you know, they did well. But they've not looked brilliant under De Zerbe, but they've definitely improved and they've just had enough of an improvement at the right time. They basically just need a point at Chelsea now. If they get a point, they're up. Well, but even if they get a point against Everton on the last day, I mean, West Ham have to win.

1:01:15Luke Moore: There's no two ways about that. They have to beat Leeds United. That is not a given. Okay. But let's say they do. Spurs need, effectively, because of the goal difference, one point from their last two games. Now, again, if you're trying to really help West Ham out here, yeah, they'd seldom get something from Stamford Bridge. I have a feeling that they do get a result with Stamford Bridge. And then against Everton, Everton are just about still in the mix for the European, maybe the last European place. You know, but it's, if you're West Ham right now, it's looking very, very grim. And speaking to a few West Ham fans, they think, do you know what?

1:01:51Luke Moore: It's so crap at the club right now, going down. It's almost like that sort of, almost like a reset that the club might need or something. I mean, again, there's no guarantee of that. There's no guarantee you come straight back up, as Leeds and Nottingham Forest fans will tell you. But I think that they've been resigned to relegation for a long time. They've had a bit of an uptick in form, as I say, the last few months. They thought, well, maybe this is possible, but looking very, very unlikely, you have to say. Yeah, yeah, well, that's it. See how we go there. There could be some twists and turns yet.

1:02:24You never know.

1:02:25Luke Moore: Yeah. Gentlemen, I don't want to end on such a negative note. I want to talk about Bruno Fernandes, if I may, because he equaled the Premier League record for assists recorded in a season. And let me remind everybody, he didn't do this playing under Pep Guardiola, like Kevin De Bruyne did. No. He didn't do this playing under Arsene Wenger, peak Arsene Wenger, like Thierry did. Well, because he would have been about two years old. He would have been about two years old. Wouldn't work. He did this. Weird. It would have been an astonishing performance. Partially, partially under Michael Carrick, the new permanent head coach of Manchester United and partially under Ruben Amirim as well.

1:03:01Luke Moore: The man deserves a statue. So like 20 assists in one season. I'm really pleased with Bruno Fernandes because if you think that he's given the lion's share of his best years to Manchester United, right, been there since 2020. The only thing he's won there is an FA Cup and a League Cup, right? Lost a couple of Europa League finals, right? And he just got Football Writers Association Football a year and he's just got this, obviously he's still got a chance to actually get another assist against Brighton away on the final day to break the record. He should have had about 20 assists in this game. I mean, the amount of profligacy, I'm not sure, but the other thing I would just say is, by the way, you know, if you look at this season, you're right to mention the managers.

1:03:46Michael Carrick's an inexperienced manager and Amrion was, you know, by the end of it, a laughingstock. And Fernandez has done it in that environment. But he's also done it when he's like laying on chances for like Joshua Zerksi. You know what I mean? I don't think Kevin De Bruyne was doing that. You know, I don't think Thierry Henry was doing that much either. So he deserves an incredible amount of credit. He's been fantastic. He really has.

1:04:06Luke Moore: He has. And I think with Bruno Fernandes, I get what you said about giving all these years to Manchester United. But, you know, we saw Fernandes in the flesh at Sporting. Yeah. And he was the best player on the pitch. And I think his game, the way he plays and the way he likes to do things, He likes being the big fish, if you see what I mean. And I think if he'd have gone to a more functioning side, I think he could play for anybody. But I think in a weird way, this kind of suits him, if you see what I mean, that he is the standout player. He's the guy. It is, but it makes... But the fact is, you're right to say that, but the fact is the three top scorers from 89 this season, Benjamin Shevko, Brian Mbwemo, Mateusz Cunha, right?

1:04:54Those players, they're all three players who for various different reasons are all broadly fine. They're perfectly decent Premier League players, right? Kevin De Bruyne and Thierry Henry were playing with world-class players and doing that in the seasons they were doing it. And therefore, I hope he gets another one on the final day to break the record because I think in that specific area, he genuinely deserves it.

1:05:15Luke Moore: Yeah, all agreed. And he has been given the Football Artists Association Player of the Year. which is again you know an accolade which is well deserved because as you say Luke because sometimes the four players don't put the ball in the back of the net he doesn't get the attention he's Michael Kay in the Muppets Christmas Carol for the most part of his career you love that analogy you absolutely love it he is I'm a little rat and he's Rizzo the Rat and Pete can be Rizzo the Rat as I said to you on Friday if I could be any Muppet I'd be Pepe the Prawn yeah lovely accent Okay, thanks for listening to the Football Ramble, part of the Acast Creator Network.

1:05:53Luke Moore: Luke and I will be back tomorrow to react to Arsenal versus Burnley. Do subscribe to this podcast so you don't miss episodes that pop up like that, Luke. We could be talking about Arsenal with one hand on the trophy or absolutely bottling it. Oh, my goodness. The drama never ends in the Premier League. There we are. Thank you very much, Luke Moore. Thank you very much. Thank you very much, Pete Donaldson. Fairly well. And on behalf of Manchester United, thank you, Bruno, for that.

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