A Midwife's Own Survival Story | Life of a Midwife Ep. 6

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1:57A midwife doesn't just catch babies. They catch people in the moments when they need it the most. The women in this series have built their lives around being that person. But in today's episode, we hear from a midwife who knows just what it means to need that hand too. I'm Giovanna Fletcher and from Happy Mum, this is Life of a Midwife. Today is a little different. We're not stepping into a midwife's working life, but into the journey leading up to it. Because for Fatma too, becoming a midwife wasn't a career decision. It was a reflection of everything she'd already lived through and everything she'd already become.

2:43Her story begins in a small African village.

3:12But I love this man so much, I'm telling you. Every holiday we'll meet up. In the evening, it was a village we didn't have any light, any water. So in the evening, there'll be the moon shining light and then we'll go to the market stalls and sit there and everybody will have their girlfriend and boyfriend who'll sit and talk and my brother will promptly go and tell my elder sister, yes, I saw her sitting with him, sitting in the house. Oh, goodness, don't tell them, please. because it was really taboo to have a boyfriend. We got on like that for years, all through our secondary school lives. I started secondary school in 73, and in 74 my dad was very ill, and he came over to England, and he was actually at the Specialist Heart Hospital in Harefield, and that's where he passed away.

4:09and then they brought his body over. My goodness, that time was so difficult for me. I just started secondary school. I was all over the place emotionally. And so when he died, I used to cry a lot. Anytime somebody said anything, I said, it's because I don't have a dad. It was a very sad time for me. And my mother took on the role of looking after the whole family.

4:37My dad had four wives. which is not unusual in Africa. It was 14 of us. My mother had seven of those 14 children. She had nine, actually. She lost two. One of the wives had three, and the other one had four. We didn't have that animosity, oh, you're a stepchild, your dad loves your mama. So it was really, really great. We are so close that every two, three years now, we come from all over the world and meet up in my village. It was so lovely. But when I came to the city now, my goodness, oh, the city beat me. It was like a city life. It was harder. And then I was in boarding school. You feel so alone.

5:26It really made me grow up very fast. So in 1974, when my dad died, as I said to you, it was really hard and then nine months later my mom just lay down and didn't wake up. She passed away as well nine months later and so I became an orphan. Oh that was a horrific time, horrific time. Everything changed for us. People that used to give us a pound or be nice to us just changed.

6:06One day in assembly, the headmistress just came and announced that all the children that haven't paid their fees to the headmaster's office afterwards. I was trembling, shaking, because it's never happened to me before. I said, well, I became an orphan, so I don't have any parents. She said, don't you have uncles? Don't you have aunties? Just get out of my face. If they're not going to pay fees for you, you cannot attend. Just get out of my face. Oh, that was horrific. But luckily for us, I had two sisters here. The older one was already halfway through her radiography course. So the younger one had just come over to England and had just started her studies.

6:54And she said to my older sister, you know what? I think let me go back and look out for our sisters and brothers. Otherwise, I don't think they'll be able to manage. And that sacrifice she made made a huge difference in our lives. She came straight away and paid the fees. So since that time, things became better. Just thinking about that time was so horrific. It makes me, you know, want to cry. That's why I feel really bad if I see an orphan. I said, my God, this poor child. And I don't ever want any child to go without having an education, if they can.

7:41As soon as I finished school, the relatives of my family, my parents, were wanting to marry me off. Year 15, 16, they were ready to marry me off. So my elder sister sent for me to come to England. I started to study. I communicated with my fiancé, my children's dad. My God, I loved the man so much. Even if God had come from up and said, don't marry him, I'd say, please, God, let me marry him, and then we'll talk about it afterwards. That's how it was. He came here in 1987. We had a big wedding in central London, in the Regent's Park Mosque, because we're Muslims. It was such a wonderful day. We had a whole family came around, my friends, my colleagues.

8:36We had a wonderful day. After a few months, we've been talking about it, that we wanted a family. I said, but you don't have papers to stay here. By this time, I had a work permit. I'm working here. In those days, in the 80s, 70s, 80s, being an ethnic minority is very difficult to do any job. You couldn't catch them in the bank or any professional jobs. It's either McDonald's or cleaning or this. He said, no, no, no, no. He was a very proud man. He said, no, I couldn't do those kind of jobs. He had already finished his first degree in Guinea and he had gone to Germany and done his master's. So he wanted to pursue to do PhD.

9:23but of course he didn't have papers here. He didn't have the money to pursue it. And so his uncle was an ambassador from Guinea to America. So that man said to him, well, why don't you come here? I'll be able to see if you can pursue your PhD here. So for four months we'd been trying, trying to get pregnant. We couldn't. And so we went to the doctor and they sent me for some investigations and they found out that I wasn't ovulating. So because I wasn't ovulating, they started me on Clomid, which is a fertility medication. Soon after that, he went to America. And then after a year, he says, why don't you come to America, see how you like it?

10:12So I went to America for three weeks and he said, how do you like it? I said, I really like it.

10:23Of course, he was so excited for me to get pregnant. He bought the pregnancy test. But at that time, you can't test that you're pregnant until you miss your period for about three days. So I came back to England, brought a pregnancy kit. So I tested it after I missed my period. I could see the lines. Oh my God, I was so excited. Yes, I'm pregnant. There was no mobile phones, so I changed some coins. I said, darling, you can't believe the pregnancy test came back positive. It's fantastic. Go and resign your job and come. I said, yes, I will. I was so excited. We were both so happy and excited. A few days later I booked an appointment with the GP to confirm their pregnancy.

11:18He checked me over and then he said, you know what, let me just send you for a scan just to be on the safe side. I was about six weeks pregnant this time. Got to the scan, laid me on the couch and the man started doing the scan. He said, one, two, three. I said, what are you counting? He said the amount of babies. I said, what do you mean? He said, there's definitely three here, but don't worry, they might swallow each other. I said, what do you mean? That really scared me. Yes, that really scared me. I was shaking by the time I came off that table. I'm thinking, oh my God, how am I going to get to America?

12:02How am I going to look after three kids? How are we going to manage? We don't have anything yet. Everything flooded in my head. How am I going to manage? So I excitedly went and got lots of coins and phoned him. I said, darling, are you sitting down? He said, no, I said, you better sit down. I've got news. Really thinking he'd be excited as well. When I told him, I said, the doctor said I'm having three. He said, what do you mean three? I said, three children, triplets. He said, well, wait, wait there. Don't come yet, wait. But since that man changed that moment, he changed his telephone number, he changed his address, he said I must not come.

12:52When I'm thinking about it now, because I'm a forgiving person, he's thinking, I don't have a job, this course I went to do is not materializing, I don't have insurance, how am I going to look after this woman under three? All this, I think, happened. But what he could have done was talk to me so we can chat about it. He just left me. My sister said, don't worry, it's OK, it's going to be OK. I said, how is it going to be OK? I didn't have any mom, any dad, now no husband, penniless. Oh, it was horrific.

13:37By this time, I've been qualified as a nurse, qualified in 87. We got pregnant in 89. They already told me at work, if you're on a work permit, you have to work. And obviously, you can't stay in the nurses' home. So my sister said, well, when you have your maternity leave, come to London. She had a property, so you can stay in that room. and then obviously you can't fit in that room for long, then we'll try with the council to see if they can house you. So they found me this accommodation on the fourth floor with no lifts. I'm going to be alone with these three kids. No money, nowhere to be. When you're having a baby, by the time you come in to have the children, you want a nest, you want somewhere the children to be.

14:28So I just wanted to get things ready for them. So I took it. I signed the dotted line. I took the place.

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16:03So here is Fatma Tu, a woman who has already shown us what she's made of. Now she finds herself alone in London, knowing that three babies are coming, and that she will face that, at least for now, on her own. So when I got the place now, they gave me vouchers to go and get paint, things to fix it, and I had this really lovely friend who came to help me. He was a carpenter. Very nice man. He passed away now. He said, don't worry, I'll help you paint. I'll help you fix up the place. It was really dirty and horrible. I was on all fours, cleaning the floor, getting the place ready. I didn't have any nausea, any vomiting.

16:50All I remember feeling was very full up because they swallowed up my stomach. I had to remember, did I eat? Did I not eat? and I had to take three iron tablets. I was very, very strong, very, very strong. I think it's nature's way of preparing you.

17:10I noticed some water, something in my pants. I thought I've gone into labour because my last appointment, the doctor said everything is fine, it looks like I'm in labour. I called the hospital and they said to come in. They said because it's three, let me call an ambulance to get me in. So I called an ambulance. Oh, my God, that ambulance blue-lighted me because they thought the babies were coming. I was so frightened. I was so alone. You know that aloneness that you feel? Oh, my God. Whenever I think about it, it brings tears to my eyes. It was a very, very lonely time. I went to the hospital, and then my sister did come and meet me there.

17:52When they examined me, they said it was my show, it wasn't my waters and everything, but because the babies are okay and I'm starting to get a show, they might as well have a cesarean section. By the time they were preparing me, because they had to get, every baby has to have its own pediatrician and its own midwife. So they all came and got ready and whipped those children out within two minutes, literally two minutes. In fact, there was 19 seconds from one child to the next one. They go, whew, whew, whew. Because it was a general anesthetic, they wanted to get them out quick before the anesthetic got to them.

18:32So they got out so healthy. Really, really good sizes as well. Altogether, they were nearly five kilos all put together.

18:44They put them in the neonatal unit for... They're supposed to be there just to check them over. And that time they only gave you paracetamol for section. So they expected you to walk from the ward to the neonatal unit. I felt like I was walking on barbed wire. I'm not joking with you. It was so painful, another level painful. At least now they have stronger medications. But it was horrific.

19:16They put me in a room in the neonatal unit. and it was so lonely. It was so hard for me. It took me two hours to feed them, change them, settle them. My experience with the midwives inspired me to do midwifery afterwards. They'll be around their desk and they'll just leave me. And I was thinking, surely you could see that this one person needs a bit of help. The only person that was really understanding was the consultant. He said to me, all you need is somebody to be with you. Because my sister was working full time as a radiographer, and then she had a shop, she could only visit me after 10 o 'clock in the evening.

20:06So I was stuck in that room a whole day for six weeks. I thought I was going to go crazy. I didn't realise it at the time when I became a midwife. I realised I must have had some postnatal anxiety, depression, because I was so all over the place, wanting to do everything.

20:38I breastfed all three of them. what I did was put two at a time, expressed for one, and then rotated them around. So everybody came to the breast and everybody. And if people are around, they will help me with one. But if nobody's around, because they all cried together, vomited together, pooed together, it was crazy. If there's nobody around, I'll have like a dining chair, rest that one on there, have the bottle ready on my side, get the other two near, put those two on the breast with a pillow, cushion, get their heads tucked in the breast and then I'll pull my hands out and then pull the other child on the dining chair bring it to my knees and then I'll get that bottle and feed that one so I used to feed all three of them if nobody was around

21:36You know when you have a baby the midwives come to your house So they get the referral, the health visitors. They have a note to say this person has had these children. So they came looking for me at home. But because I was in hospital, because they were younger, they wanted to observe them for a bit. The midwife came looking everywhere. She walked up to the house, the flat, and she said, where could this lady have gone? With three, how come? You know, and they started phoning round. And they said, no, I'm in the hospital. and that woman said on no account this lady should be allowed to go back to that flat.

22:14He says on the fourth floor the lifts hardly work. How do they expect her to be there? How do they expect her to get up if there's no lifts? Do you know? The health visitor, the social worker, the midwife all came together contacted housing and they said they had to find somewhere else for me to go. And I'm telling you, that was the turning point for my life.

22:47They eventually found me a bed and breakfast. They said, just go there for one week. I was there for six months. But it was a godsend because this bed and breakfast, the landlord was so lovely. He found me three courts. then I started because I was in Surrey at the time I had to move to London now to get a job to be able to wherever I tried to get a job if I say that I was I had children one thing or another triplets on your own forget that I wasn't getting a job so at one time I remember going to this interview and they said do you have children I said no no I don't because I've tried everywhere.

23:31I denied those four children. Oh, my goodness, I didn't know. I got a job now as a district nurse from 9 o 'clock to 5 o 'clock. So I was able to drop them off and pick them up. So we did that until they were school age. I really enjoyed, and that made us so, so close. They said, Mom, you're like a mom and dad put together. I had a wonderful time with my children. It was so wonderful. I wouldn't change my life for the world. It was a very difficult time. The one thing I'm really happy for is the fact that I did not forget myself in all of it. You know, I gave them all I could, but I made sure I had my career.

24:20And now, thank God, they're going to be 37 this year. Big, big, big, big. And their dad, they see them only once when I took them back again to Africa on holiday, when they were about seven. He never got to see them again because when they were about 12, he suddenly passed away from a bowel obstruction. He was ill for only about two weeks and he died. Oh, you know, when is the person you love? I cried so much. I love that man. and he said, the children said, Mommy, we feel sorry for you, but we didn't know him. My son, the first one, oh my God, looks like him so much when he smiles, all his mannerisms.

25:05And I said to him, oh, darling, you look so much like your dad. He says, Mommy, get over this man, he's died already.

25:15And they told me that if there was tattoo in my time, Well, if I was into tattoos, I'd tattoo his name all over my body. I said, I know I would.

25:31I thought I enjoyed nursing really well, because you have it in you or you don't. But once I started midwifery, it's really wonderful. I enjoyed it so much. Because I was a nurse already, I could do 18 months. So I did 18 months, and in 2003 I qualified. because I'd had my children I already knew how it's like to receive it at the other end all I wanted was somebody to understand my position talk to me nicely I knew all a woman want is a listening ear they are learning the babies are learning and they get so overwhelmed I remember how overwhelmed I was. I'm telling you, but the women come, they're same position.

26:20They're homeless, penniless. Husband had left them and they think it's the end of the world. And I said to them, this time will pass. So when I have a lady with me, they refuse to go to anybody. They just, because I am empathetic, so I know how it's like to feel that kind of feeling. that feeling of being overwhelmed and not knowing what to do. And because of my experience, I like to pass it on so that they can see that, oh, okay, there is a life. This woman has now come the other end. She's had her children. She's coming. It really helps a lot of my women. You know, they feel like, oh, actually, I won't be homeless forever.

27:03I won't be penniless forever. All I say to them, listen, these children will grow one day. you know and that really really by the time I finish with my ladies they're happy they're happy

27:27thank you so much for listening please do like subscribe and leave us a review we would love to know what you think and if you're a midwife and would like to take part in this series You can find contact details in the podcast description.

28:07you have the chance to take home one of nine legendary cups when you order the FIFA World Cup meal. The cups feature some of the biggest legends in football, like David Beckham, Terry Henry, and Ronaldinho, Christian Pulisic, Lamine Yamal, and Alphonso Davies. Right now, get one of nine legendary cups when you order the FIFA World Cup meal, only at McDonald's. At participating McDonald's, only for a limited time, while supplies last, all rights reserved, copyright 2026, McDonald's at the FIFA World Cup 2026. Hey there, it's Wayfair here, where delivery and setup are as easy as a few taps on your phone.

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