How Can I Help My Child Feel Confident Going Back to School?

0:05Hello and welcome to a special episode of Happy Mum, brought to you by our wonderful friends at Matalan. Now we all know how milestone heavy this time of year can be, and let's be honest, there is absolutely no bigger challenge for us as parents than starting a brand new school year. It can feel like a complete whirlwind of emotions and a massive juggle for the whole family. But that is exactly why Matalan is here, to help both you and your gorgeous children feel as enthusiastic, prepared and as confident as possible for that walk through the school gates. And I'm absolutely obsessed with their beautiful Confidence Caravan, which is travelling to stores across the UK between the 15th and 30th of August.

0:45Just bring your Matalan back to school uniform and receipt along and they'll sew a personalised Confidence label right inside with your own unique message. It is the sweetest, quietest little reminder tucked away to let them know they're supported every single day. And to help us out even more, Mattelan have organised the most wonderful guests to join us in the studio, all thanks to their long-standing partnership with the NSPCC. The lovely Gail Sayles. As a Twilight Childline practitioner and former campaigns manager at the NSPCC, Gail has spent years focusing on kids' confidence, from exams to the day-to-day of school life.

1:22She's here for a natter about how we can send our little ones back through those school gates, feeling happy, relaxed and confident.

1:33OK, so Gail, thank you so much for being here today. Let's start with your career with the NSPCC. You've been there for 10 years now. Yes, December. So if anyone wants to send me some flowers or a big cake, that would be lovely. Yeah, so I started at the NSBCC back in 2016, and I actually came from commercial radio, 20 years there. So I joined as the media manager for the north of England, and I said there were a few years. And then an opportunity came up to cover a maternity for a local campaigns manager covering the whole of Scotland. Right. And that was brilliant. I ran a big talk pants campaign in Western Isles, Shetland and Orkney.

2:13So if any one of them are listening, hello, guys. It was a brilliant time. and I really enjoyed it and then I did a neglect campaign in Edinburgh and Glasgow and I said I don't really want to go back to the press team and luckily a position came up in Yorkshire, Humber and the North East and I've been doing that for about four or five years running campaigns with young people designed by young people tackling all sorts of issues from professional curiosity to healthy relationships to Talk Pants which I'll talk about more because Matalan big supporter of TalkPants, which is just amazing. But also talking about online safety.

2:50And then the NSPCC stepped back from that kind of community activity. And I've been with Childline now. And so I'm what's called a twilight practitioner, which means I never see the light of day. So no, I basically help manage the room of volunteers when they're taking calls from young people overnight because the calls don't stop ever. We get contacts from young people. I think a young person will reach out once every 43 seconds. So there is never not a young person waiting to be answered. And obviously, because of that kind of time frame, you know, overnight, we don't have as many volunteers as we have during the day.

3:29So it means my role as well means taking direct contact from young people. And they contact us with all sorts of issues. And being night time, you know it's dark no one's awake it's just them and their issues it just feels like the whole world is just shrunk but at the same time really loud the silence is so loud at night for young people and it can feel incredibly lonely so I'm there for those kind of calls that are really at a crisis point if you like no one makes those calls lightly you know I think it takes a lot for for anyone never mind a child to reach out and kind of go actually I am really struggling with this and this is maybe my one time I'm actually going to reach out and ask for help.

4:11So it's so important that there are people there ready to take that call. Absolutely. And we say this to the young people, you know, because they come in a very low air, but it's actually a real sign of strength to reach out for help. You know, adults can't do that as well. But these young people are making the decision to reach out, realising that they need someone to talk to, to hear their voice. and they don't just ring us at those times of night as well just for the crisis calls and you'll be amazed at kind of what they want to talk to us overnight we get calls for all about body image had one young person who'd been chased by a herd of cows that day and was still frightened about it and they talk about their school exam pressures relationship issues body image all sorts of reasons really that they come through and talk to us so no call no contact is ever the same and the nights just fly by because it's just you and that young person talking through.

5:03And I love my job at Childline because it's not them ringing through saying, I've got this issue and us going, we should do X, Y and Z. We never tell the child what to do. It's about listening, validating their concerns and also just kind of exploring with them what help looks like for them. And I think that's really powerful because a child doesn't want to be told what to do. It just wants to be heard at that moment, really. Yeah, yeah. And I would imagine some of those calls, maybe you don't even veer near why they're calling. It might be that sometimes it's just something completely off topic, completely not related to what they're going through.

5:40They just need a friendly voice. Yeah. I mean, I talked to one volunteer and she had this young person and their parent had died. And the parent had used to sing them a particular song before they went to bed. So the young person would ring up and the volunteer would sing the song for them. and then they felt they could go to bed that night. And then you have other young people ringing up saying, I did really well in my maths yesterday. It was brilliant. Well, they tell us about their holidays, which we're getting a lot now because everyone's gone off on holidays. So there's so much variety, really.

6:13And in a world where we think technology has taken over and that one-to-one conversation is getting less and we worry about the importance of it and kids not knowing that, To be the place that that is still front and centre of what you do, that is amazing. And also it kind of gives you hope, right? It lets you know that actually we all still value that and we all know how important it is. Yeah. I mean, we do take a lot of voice calls. Yeah. But we now have the option of chats as well. You know, you would have one of my first shifts. I had a young person and they were locked in a room. There was someone outside the room trying to attack them.

6:53And their first way of reaching out for help was on a chat, which you would think would be to phone someone or ring 999. But that's the mode of communication. Sometimes talking is not there. But also that's the way they felt more comfortable. It wasn't that they had to be silent or anything. It was just that's the preferred method of reaching out, that communication. And although those chats take longer than a phone call on average, it's really important we're able to offer both the chats and the voice, I think. So where does Matalan come into play? Because that relationship between Matalan and NSPCC has been a 20-year relationship.

7:31That's a long, a long length of time. It's amazing. Since 2004 and, you know, a£12 million raise. And I'm based at the Leeds base up at Childline. But when I first joined the NSPCC, I was the media manager for the north of England. And the Hargreaves family set up the Liverpool Service Centre and Childline base there. It's a brilliant building in the shape of a hug. And so they've really kind of, because the NSPCC started in Liverpool all those many years ago, 18, whatever it was. and then it's moved national and the partnership between the NSPCC and Matalan is right across the United Kingdom and they've helped with all sorts of offers that we have at the NSPCC, not only Childline, but we have the helpline, which is for adults and I think a lot of people think the helpline is just the number to ring if you want to report something, so to speak.

8:26But it's a really great resource. We were talking earlier about reaching out for help. So if you're a parent out there and you're struggling, struggling to cope with your baby crying maybe, or there's issues around online safety, ring the NSPCC helpline. The trained professionals there can talk you through. It's a really great parenting resource. And they've helped also with school service in the past. But the big one that I've been involved with since 2016 is the Talk Pants campaign, which is just, it's my favourite campaign of all the NSPCC works. Tell me more. It is just the best because as part of the campaign, we have a cuddly dinosaur called Pantosaurus.

9:04Right. And it's a really serious campaign in the sense that it's a campaign against sexual abuse. It's aimed at three years old to 11 years old. And you think, sexual abuse? Young. But actually, we never use the word sex. We never use the word abuse. And it's very much in line with the European Council of Privates are Private. So parents say, privates are private. Always remember your body belongs to you. No means no. So T for is talk to someone and S because you have to have issues with an acronym and speak up. The people behind Wallace and Gromit made a music video for us. It's a really great way to talk about very serious subject with young children from a very young age.

9:43So it doesn't feel scary and it does make a real difference. I mean, I took a Talk Pants campaign right up to Orkney and we took Pantsaurus into this field. The young people were colouring in pairs of pants and things like that. And they were all singing the song. It's getting everywhere. There's over 8 million people have interacted with the Talk Pants campaign. And it wouldn't be possible without the help of people like Matalan. Yeah. I was just picking up some sandals week before last. They've got these brilliant bags for life with pants, pantasaurus on them and everything. So I'm a bit of a, I like my bags for life.

10:16That's amazing. But there's a really nice bag for life. It's only£2. And on one side, it's Talk Pants. and on the other side they also support a children's hospital as well. So it's really great. But I was talking to a mum in Grimsby and you can get some pants stickers and she puts them on her chest of drawers in her child's room because it was always a battle trying to get the child to get dressed in the morning. But now they sing the pants song, they talk about the pants rules as they're getting dressed and it doesn't feel so much like a battle. So it's a really great way of talking about a very serious subject And it's given children the confidence to, if anything does upset them or, you know, worries them or someone asks them to do something that they're not comfortable with, they feel confident that they can tell someone and they will be listened to.

11:04And I think that's listening to young people and validating their voices is the key to helping keep them safe. Absolutely. And one of the big things that we are talking about today is kids going back to school and all of the anxieties and stuff that come with that. Can you remember going back to school after the summer holidays? I loved it. Did you? Yeah, I was a bit of a teacher's pet. No, there was... Because mum would always, like, you know, we'd get new shoes, new bags, stationery. I love stationery. But there was one year, going back, I was starting a new secondary school in a completely different county.

11:38We'd moved counties. Mum had brought all the new gear, the blazer, the tie and everything, but she loves her knitting. And she goes, no, in her wisdom, I'm going to knit the jumper. but she does it while she's watching telly right and she gets engrossed in the program so she forgets so she keeps on knitting and it was down almost to my knees I'm not exaggerating it was horrendous and the thought of having to start a new school a secondary school where my blazes kind of comes at your hip and then my jumper down to my knees it was just don't even get me started on the brownies she made her own bobbles for the brownie hat so it's the same size of that but But, yeah, so that was nerve-wracking starting school there because there is just so many reasons why young people may feel nervous.

12:22But also we ought to acknowledge some young people love school. It's a great environment. Well, it was a great environment. And also I think it's OK for there to be lots of complex feelings around going back to school, right? Because I used to love school. I used to be a right people pleaser. I used to love, you know, going and getting things right for those teachers. I loved that. Socially, though, that's where I felt a little bit awkward or, you know, that I felt so safe at home with my sister and my brother. We'd play all the time. And then all of a sudden, social norms, social politics, whatever, all those things.

12:57I think I used to get quite anxious. I can remember those butterflies that used to pop up. But I mean, why do we get anxious about going back to school? It's the unknown. And I think for many young people, there are those like me who loved it, thrived on it, couldn't wait to go back. But then there are also some young people who are really looking forward to going back because it's a safe space. Home isn't a safe space. So there's that element to it as well. And then, you know, there's the young people who aren't looking forward to it, maybe because they're starting big school for the first time.

13:30A lot of primary schools are fairly small. And then you go to a secondary school with over 1 ,500 pupils. That's a massive thing to contemplate. I mean, I'm sure it must be the same now. Like, I can remember before starting secondary school, like, I can remember all the little rumours that used to go around primary school, your head's going to get flushed down the loo. Yes. You know, all of a sudden, there were all these things. You're suddenly like, what's going to happen? All these big kids are going to be mean to me. And there is that... I just think, like, you hear little things as kids. Yeah.

13:56And all you see them on TV shows. Grange Hill. Yes. Yes. I mean, I'm not sure if Grange Hill gave us ideas or, you know, helped us with our anxiety at all. but there were things you know you just hear that especially that move to secondary school or if you're going from infants to juniors it's that big shift there's a and suddenly you might be going from a place where you know the the layout of everything you know the teachers you know your place within a school to suddenly you're kind of you don't know what to expect at all no i mean my stepdaughter she there was only one uh her and then one other people who went to her secondary school so she went for being a big fish because she was quite you know teacher's pet like me you know knew everyone everyone knew k and then she was going to just her and the um i can't even remember her friend's name that's awful isn't it she's old now she's in her 20s in york so but um yeah it was just them two and so it felt really scary but also it's not just the actual school and the new pupils but it may be the first time that they're going to be using public transport by themselves it may be that this is when parents have decided to give them their first phone for a lot of parents because they're going on public transport what if the bus doesn't turn up they think right now's the time to have the mobile phone so there's it's not just the pupils in school but it's the pupils online now that we've got to kind of think about and consider when we're talking about going back to school is all sorts of things really now yeah because there's a build-up and I feel like because of phones and stuff which is a separate subject but actually I guess it adds to the anxiety of why 2026 might feel different to any other year like when we're growing up, but I think the thing that phones give us is that there's never an off.

15:35So I got badly bullied as a kid. I used to leave the school gates, and sure, I'd carry that with me, but I'd leave them behind. Whereas now, when kids are being bullied, or if there's any conflicts or anything like that, in lots of ways, it actually gets worse when they're away from the building, when they're not face-to-face, when things are happening online or there's chats and they can't get on top of them. Yeah, I mean, there was another children's charity, not to name plug them, but they did these really powerful adverts with creatures following children under subways and into their bedrooms.

16:05And it feels like that, that there is no escape. And certainly here at Childline, we hear that all the time. You know, the desperation in the young people's voices and what's happening to them online, you know, images being shared of them with the creation of AI now. And I think for some young people, they don't realize perhaps what they're doing online is a form of bullying, maybe. so I think for parents it's really important that we're talking about what they're doing online who they're talking to you know would you say that to someone's face no well then why are you saying that online as well and it's hard bullying is an emotive topic so if any parents out there perhaps think well how do I start that kind of conversation and you have to start it early and if you're not sure how Childline has a really great website although it's kind of for young people and children but as a parent you go on there and you can see how we talk about different topics the language we use there might be some videos on there that you might want to watch with your children to start those conversations and I think that's that's really important to start those conversations and have them regular you can't sit down and think right we've done our safety chat they're starting school that's it but it's got to be checking in every day because what might upset your child one day might not upset them the next day so it's got to be regular check-ins with your children what's going on for them yeah and for them to be aware you know so that if that happens they're kind of like i know this like i've seen this i've spoken about this with with my adult you know um so they don't just feel completely lost within that yeah because it's you know it's so all-consuming when something like that happens yeah um i felt uh i felt a real mixture of emotions i would say dropping my kids off at school in september you know the first time that buzz went to school that that feeling of I think when you are um when you're so used to being the one who kind of guides them through the day being on top of everything knowing who they interact with knowing who they play with knowing if they're being left out if they're being treated a certain way knowing if they're being polite whatever that is it's so alien it goes against everything in your body I think as a parent kind of go and now be with this adult who I don't actually know and spend the day with this other group of kids and hopefully you'll come out happy.

18:19You know, it feels like a really alien thing. And obviously, like, my eldest is 12 now, so that's changed a lot over the years. But there is something about that about September. It's exciting. We get the new pencil case, you know. We've survived the summer holidays, hurrah. But there is something about that build-up. And I always think that I need to make sure that my own anxieties of what it was like for me, and Joy, like I said, it was complex, don't feed into how my children feel about going back? I think that's so true because, you know, I felt the same too because, like, when Tom, I'm going to shame him now, amongst his uni mates, when he was starting primary school, he really struggled with potty training and it was like, and I was really panicking that he was going to be starting school and he couldn't go to the toilet by himself, etc.

19:09But then, like, two weeks before, he kind of snapped and he just did it and it was fine. but I was really anxious and I felt that he was getting quite anxious too and the same when Kate was starting secondary school, I think, because my parents had been really good, you know, they'd kind of framed it as like, if you don't behave, you won't be able to go to school. You know, they'd done it that way. But then when my stepchildren started school, because I'm obviously an evil stepmother, so it's like, but it's kind of like Kate wanted walking right in on the first day, then by the second day, just at the bottom of the steps and she could walk in.

19:43Then it was the next day, she wanted us to park in the next street and then she was going to be going on the bus and it was fine. But it was just, you know, when she started walking at the end of the weekend, she was walking confidently down the street to go into the next street. I started following her with the car. It was just like, oh, Kate, don't go. It's weird, isn't it? Because it's horrible if they're going in and they're really struggling. It's a horrible feeling. But I mean, I can remember it so clearly over all three of my kids over the years, that feeling when it switches and they just go, see ya, and they don't even look back.

20:17Or sometimes it's not a see ya. It's painful, but you feel proud of them at the same time. But it's such a weird feeling. I've got quite a few friends who are teachers and they're just like, the number of times they've had to go, just go, parent, please just go. They're going to be fine. And I think as parents, we need to remember that, that this is so good for them, the social interaction as well as the learning. And it's just, it's part of growing up, isn't it? And also if there are those anxieties, I guess that, you know, you will get through them in whatever way that looks like one of mine is homeschooled now as a result of anxiety and stuff.

20:48And that's OK. Yeah. You will find you will find a way through. And if there are those struggles, then, you know, don't think for one second that you're the only ones that are doing that. Because I think that's the one thing that got me all the time. Yeah. Like when it was me at the gates with a child that wouldn't get out of the car or wouldn't get into the school gates or wouldn't stay there. You know, you kind of go like, God, it's just me. And actually, it's not in any way, shape or form. And I think our focus always has to be on what that child is going through and how we can help them rather than how we feel judged by anyone else in that car park or at those gates.

21:24And I think that's fundamental to how the NSPCC works. We always say every child is different. One size doesn't fit all. so you have to tailor any response or do any work with that child in mind and what works for them as well. And that can be when you're having struggles or perhaps the relationship with school is not as great, that can feel incredibly isolating as a parent and really draining and you just feel like you're failing, but you're not. You're doing your hardest. And the NSPCC helpline is there to help. Give us a call. Give us a shout. Talk through us. It may be that we can speak to the school on your behalf.

22:02You know, there's all sorts of things, support around in place that we can help link into. I just think it's so important because when parents feel supported, they are better equipped, even just emotionally, to help their child. Yeah, yeah. Because children are only at school for a small part of their day. The rest of the time they're with us. So we have to, as parents, do the best we can. And that can, you know, sometimes it can be really difficult to do the best we can. but get as much support reach out as much as you can to not just the NSBCC but there's family hubs in local communities and really it's kind of the focus is on you being well yourself to be able to help support a child best OK guys, let's just take a quick break to talk about Matalan's brilliant Confidence Caravan this is so amazing, I love it wait until you hear this It's hitting store car parks across the UK for just one day each stop between the 15th and the 30th of August.

23:01You just bring along your pre-purchased Matalan back to school uniform and your receipt. Then you and your kids get to choose a special confidence boosting label with a personalised message and get it sewn right inside their uniform. It's this tiny reminder tucked away in their collar that travels with them every single day. Oh, I just love it. That feeling of, don't forget, like our kids are with us. The majority of the holidays, right? They spend so much time with us. And then it's that other thing. It's like you're cutting the umbilical cord every time you hit the September mark, you know, and off you go again.

23:39So it's a confusing time. And sometimes all they need is that little thing that just goes, hey, I'm here. You got this. Love you. Whatever that is. and I just think, you know, it's not that they'll need it for the whole year but just knowing that it's there, having something to touch or look at. If I had to think about what messages I put into my kids' school uniform, I think I'd probably say something like, you've got this or be you because, you know, we all know the tendency when they go to school is to look at what everyone else is doing and feel like you have to conform. No, no, no. Be you.

24:14Be proud. It's just such a gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous idea and something that I know my kids will absolutely love. So heading into the new school year. Yes. When it comes to confidence in our children, obviously we want to build our children's confidence, but it's not necessarily the loudest children that are the most confident. Sometimes that can be quite a bit of a bravado. Yeah, that was me. Totally. Oh, my gosh. I knew I was coming on this so I looked up my old school book and all the comments were like oh you were so loud in class, you were always chatty or you were always doing this but then at times I remember absolute terror I hated Mrs Wood, my cooking teacher she scared me to death and so whenever we had to do cookery, my mum bless her, for a whole week before the class we would practice the dish every single day before but no one knew that kind of anxiety because, you know, when you have that provider, you tend to hide it.

25:15And like, you know, I'm nervous now, but you try and hide it and you carry on, don't you? So, yeah. Yeah. So I guess, like, how do we raise confident children? I mean, for me, confidence is such a big term. I think there's the practical side of confidence and then there is the emotional side of confidence. So the practical side of things is, like, when they're getting back to school, knowing how buses work, knowing how their phones work, how to keep themselves, well, help keep themselves safe online. But it's about that kind of knowing that you can ask questions and feeling confident to ask those questions.

25:52But then also there's the other side of confidence as well, in valuing yourself as well, that self-esteem, that self-worth, knowing that you're important and that your views matter as well. And not to the exclusion of all others, because it's also about being kind to others as well, validating your feelings. and I think we as parents, we have an important part to play in that. We have this really great service called Speak Out, Stay Safe and we like our cartoon characters. We have Buddy, he's a speech bubble. He looks like a Brussels sprout but it's a speech bubble and they go into, it's almost every single primary school in the UK and they talk to young people about good secrets, bad secrets but at the end of the sessions they have all the children shout out really loudly I have the right to be safe and I think that's for me working at the NSPCC and Childline that's what confidence means to me that children know that that they don't have to succumb to peer pressure or share things that they don't want to that there is that knowledge that they will be listened to and that they will be supported if they need it and so confidence is a whole bag of stuff for me.

27:00And obviously we're talking about school but how does how we speak to our children at home affect their confidence? I think it's really difficult as parents because obviously you're pressurised. Well, it often feels like there's just so much to do, right? In the morning you wake up, it's all about getting everyone dressed, getting the breakfast, getting everyone's teeth brushed, and then we're out the door. When children come home at night, it's about getting the homework done, then the dinner, then it's bed-like. It feels like you're constantly on this. And they always give you the request really late at night.

27:29Oh, I've got this tomorrow, and you haven't signed this. And Miss says I can't go unless you say I can go. So, you know, it's just, yeah, it's all, you know, and you're trying to, you know, make dinner when they're talking to you. And I know it's hard, but if you could take the time to be that active listener, step away from the stove and actually listen to what the young person's saying and make it a regular thing to check in with them about what's going on for them at school. And make sure that they're, because it's a hard slog at school. I remember Kate and Tom, they would leave the house at half seven, not get back to half four, then have two or three hours homework on top of that.

28:02That's a long day. and often when you're trying to have conversations with them at that point I can remember with Buzz especially early days I'd be like who did you play with today he'd be like no one or I'd start with how was his day good who did you play with no one and you'd be like what I had to phone the school and be like is he just on his own and they're like no no no he's playing with everyone it's just because he's requested out he's done so then when they do come to you and go right I want to talk to you even if Buzz is you know he's a typical it's nine o 'clock at night he really should be going to bed you're trying to leave the room you are staying there for an extra half an hour yeah because he just word forms at you yeah i think that's really important because i had that you know what did you did nothing yeah it's just like grunts and so i um i started playing video games but and they showed me how to do it and and then we started having conversations again it was like where are these grunters gone because now you two are back and you're talking to me and it's amazing so i think when you're having these you're trying to check in and see what's going on for them do it while you're having fun you know if you're playing lego together if you're going on a family walk have those check-ins then or if you're driving because that could be a great time because then you haven't got the eye contact so if it's something that they want to talk about but they're not comfortable talking about it when you're driving that obviously you keep your eyes on the road but um it's a great time because you haven't got that pressure of you know eye contact as well and I think it's kind of validating how they feel.

29:27You know, we hear time and time again for some young people who come through saying, oh, I feel they have real issues with their body image or they just feel really down and they don't know why and their parents are just saying, well, why are you feeling like that? Because you've got us, you've got this lovely home, we go on holiday, you shouldn't be feeling like that. You're absolutely wonderful, you're beautiful. So it feels like a lot of parents resort to why and why comes with blame doesn't it so like why have you done this why are you doing this and and if you're negative with a young person they switch off they just don't want to engage with you and I think it's important to like kind of explore with them how they've got to those feelings what's happened for them it could be that they're being bullied and that's why they feel that way or maybe that they've seen something on social media and now they're kind of being really self-critical because of what they've seen on social media so it's about perhaps having real great conversations about people on social media and who usually post the best of themselves and everything.

30:23I did a tour of schools in the North West with Maya Jammer. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Love her. Lovely. She was brilliant because she was talking to the young people saying all these lovely pictures you see of me on social media. It's about 12 people to get me looking like that. There's the wardrobe. There's the makeup. And she said about taking breaks. And you can see the young people in the room going, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think it's about having open, honest conversations and confidence building as well, being that role model too. Not only in terms of how you're talking challenging about confidence, but doing stuff as well in terms of like online safety, you know, back to school.

31:02How many of us have posted those back to school pictures and you're showing your child not only one, their location, where they go to school, where they're going to be Monday to Friday between a certain time. Who are you sharing that with? You're putting your child at risk that way. but also you're showing your child that you can just take their image without you know their permission uh without asking them and everything like that so it's really kind of excluding them so i think it's really important to kind of involve young people in all aspects of that kind of role model role modeling behavior too which i know slightly off from what we were saying but i think it's just really important to kind of as parents and i know it's really hard because we just want to relax at the end of the night but i guess it's that beginning of it's the beginning of the school year and that's a big thing that happens at the beginning of the school year you know that those first days back those images are everywhere so it's probably the right time to have to put in the conversation to be honest um what would you do what would you recommend what would your advice be if we start to hear our kids talking negatively about about themselves yeah i think it's kind of like uh it sounds really soapboxy but it's kind of like challenge and validating but not challenging in a bullish way or antagonistic way it's about exploring what's brought you to thinking like that has anything happened to you and then kind of there's some really great advice on the child line website about feeling good feeling good on social media body image and so as parents and carers there's also advice on the nspcc website to start those conversations but it's about building their confidence it's about getting to do other stuff as well you know other activities to kind of take the focus off that particular way that they're feeling to kind of give you that um in if you like to start talking about the topic but also encourage them to have assertive language which may sound strange right what because we use this a lot uh in child line when a young person reaches out to us so what does help look like to you right now you know what if you had a magic wand what would you like to change about yourself and then exploring that gives you an in because young people really when they come through to child line they just want to be heard initially they perhaps don't want any help right now they want to have their say um start thinking about it and then they may come through again to think about like what do i do next and um so i think you have to go at the young person's pace yeah um i think you know we've talked to a lot of young people with body image for example you know when they've gone back to school they're worried about how they look what they're gonna you know they've been on some holiday they think they've eaten too much on the holiday enjoyed themselves too much what are their friends going to say to them and that and it's really rather than well you look good you look great and you know it's kind of that it feels like a shutdown even though to you it feels like a validation like you do look amazing but for a young person that you're not really listening to me this is how I'm feeling this is what I'm saying just telling me that I look good or or if you know they're restricting their eating tell me telling me to eat more is not the answer it's much more than that and it does take time and it does take effort but these are young people and they deserve to be safe and well and happy don't they in terms of little tasks that we can do to help build confidence I kind of think your version of asking them, knowing that you wanted to play video games with them but them becoming the teachers little things like that surely have to help build confidence within kids.

34:32I think so absolutely and there was a real you know Tom when he was young he didn't want to go back to school because he was struggling with his reading wasn't really engaging with reading and so I found this video game and it came with a lot of characters and each character had a book the game itself was very text heavy so he had to do a lot of reading but because he was playing the game he didn't recognize that he initially was reading and then he was reading these books and he loved it and he was you know he loves reading now so it's like trying to find that avenue that works for that particular young person because as we said you know earlier one size doesn't fit all when it comes to young people and as parents and carers you have to take some confidence in yourself and know in that you know your child best you know you'll you pick up on those little details indications that something might be going wrong for them they're not as chatty or maybe they're you know they're not eating what they used to eat or whatever it may be you know they used to play this video game online suddenly stop dead don't want to play it anymore why what's happened with that so it's about having the confidence to to uh to know that you know you know your child best and examine that explore that with them um and try to kind of because as parents carers we really want to make the world a better place for a child we want to solve all their problems for them it's completely natural but i think that's not always the best option for young people they want to be part of the solution.

35:56Sometimes young people will ring Childline because they've told what's going on for them to an adult and now they feel like a bystander in their own lives, like they're just a passenger. So it's really important. So as parents and carers, if you're not sure about something, about a particular topic, body image or bullying or something, it's okay to say, I don't know what to do about this. Let's talk to someone, let's talk to school, let's check out the Childline website. It's okay to say, I've not come across this before, let's work on this together. I think that's really powerful. Because shock, shock, horror, we don't have all the answers.

36:26No, we think we like to have it, but no, we don't. Yeah. If you could give one piece of advice to parents before their kids go back to school, what would it be? It's difficult because there are so many reasons why young people sometimes don't want to go back to school. You know, it's the final year of school, so that means they're going to go into adulthood and they don't like that side of it. You know, maybe they've got exams coming up. or, you know, it's big school, whatever. So I think one piece of advice won't fit for everybody. What I would say is just try to enjoy it because this is a milestone moment.

37:03Yeah. And, you know, be prepared. Not like that lady on Motherland where she goes shoe shopping like really late and gets the last shoe in the shop or something. Try to be organised, you know. All the school stuff is out now in Masterland. Take the logistics out of the way so that you can actually just enjoy. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So then you're just like, so all the bags packed and you've packed it with the young person so they can feel comfortable. They know what they're doing, do trial runs, going on the bus with them. It's really good because my friend did that the other day and the bus didn't turn up.

37:32So it was a great example of what to do when the bus didn't turn up. So have all the practical stuff out of the way and then you can then concentrate on enjoying this milestone moment, I think. Gail, thank you so much. I, you know, school brings so many different feelings. But, you know, I know that when September comes, my kids will be looking forward. A part of them will be looking forward to the year ahead and the new adventures that come. So I hope all the other children out there feel that in some way too. Great. Thank you ever so much for inviting me. It's been a pleasure. Thank you. Thank you.

38:06A huge thank you to Gail for joining us today. And remember, when you feel confident about the back to school period, that can really help your children feel more confident too. Hopefully some of what you've heard today will give both you and your child a little bit of a boost. And finally, don't forget Matterland's wonderful Confidence Caravan. Head to Matterland's socials to find out whether it's coming to your nearest store in Bilston, Swindon, Luton or Preston.