How will I survive this career if I can't watch one birth? | Life of a Midwife Ep. 8

0:00Hi, it's Paige from Giggly Squad and this episode is sponsored by Experian Boost. Summer glow up, check.

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2:02So if you want the makeup, skincare, hair, and fragrance products everyone's about to be obsessed with, shop only at Sephora.

2:21The most rewarding work can also be the most overwhelming. In today's episode, we hear from two midwives who have had to learn, sometimes the hard way, how to hold it all together in times of immense pressure. For Leah, that meant making space to care for herself, so that she could continue caring for others. And for Bethany, it meant the discovering early in her career that midwifery is never a job you do alone. I'm Jovanna Fletcher and this is Life of a Midwife

3:06Over the years, Bethany has seen plenty of patients and partners go weak at the knees in the delivery room In fact, she knows that feeling better than anyone It was never like a, you know, some people were like really young that that was my ultimate desire like I always wanted to be a midwife the only thing that I can think was even before the time of a one born every minute there was like I don't even know what the name of the program was but there was something my mum used to watch when I was little and you know we used to watch it together and I don't know whether maybe that was where it came from I was toying with you know oh should I do this everything I kept coming back to midwifery and I thought oh I'll give it a go you know see how it is and as soon as I started I fell in love with it and knew that that is, yeah, for me.

3:53So I went straight into midwifery training from sixth form. So I went straight in when I was 18. I don't remember my first qualified birth, but I remember my first ever birth as a student. You know, there's all this build up because you've been in university for a couple of months at this point and you're waiting for this first birth and, you know, what's it going to be like? What's going to happen? and really lovely, I was on the low-risk unit, everything was all going really well, as I could, you know, understand from my sort of basic knowledge as a first-year student midwife at that point. It was just so overwhelming, I think this lady had a bit of a tear and I wasn't, you know, I didn't know what to expect, I didn't know what to see and I remember sort of being, you know, sort of standing there watching and thinking, OK, yeah, this is great, I'm seeing, you know, I'll let the baby's out and getting a bit all over in emotion with all of this and then all of a sudden, like, the white mist just comes across my face.

4:49Like, I'm going to go. I'm going to pass out. This is her baby. This is her birth. And I was thinking, I was like, I'm just going to go and get a glass of water. And it got to the point where I was, like, feeling my way out of this room, like, tapping the walls and working. The midwife had no idea what was going on. I was trying to, like, keep really calm. Managed to get myself out of the room and just sat on the floor outside, slumped on the floor. So I was like, are you OK? I was like, no, I'm going to pass out. I was thinking, how am I going to survive this career if I can't watch Von Beth?

5:17And then I think afterwards the midwife explained, you know, she'd had a bit of an extensive tear and it wasn't quite, you know, normal for what to expect. But obviously she couldn't really say to me at the time, you know, oh, this is what's happening, you know, because you don't sit and talk it through in that way. I was like, how am I ever going to cope? Like, how is it ever going to happen? And thankfully it's never that's happened again. So I think it was just like a huge overwhelm at the time of this is your first birth and what are you watching? What's going on?

5:50When I qualified, I worked in a birthing unit for a couple of years. So I did my preceptorship, which is like your first year, rotating around all the wards. And then I worked out in a standalone birth unit. There aren't many, unfortunately, left in the UK now. but these are units that are run by midwives you don't have sort of obstetric support around you that taught me so much in my career so I've got lots of stories from my time there so we were about a 20 minute ride on sort of blue lights ambulance to get to the main hospital and this was such a great place to work because it really taught me about how to be a midwife how to think on my feet, how to manage emergencies.

6:34There'd be few and far between, but I did most of the night shifts, so I would have more women in labour. So I got a really, really good experience whilst I was there. It was on a day shift, and I came in, and there was one woman in labour when I first came in, and then someone else came in. So you pulled in one of the community midwives, because we like to do one-to-one care. So they both had a midwife with each of them. typically as things often do you know everything else was really busy at the same time really chaotic you know there was lots of visits to do lots of other sort of coordinating and everything was going okay and about an hour in um the midwife next door papers ahead and she said i need to call an ambulance because we you know we need to go in because the baby had had pooed at the water so it was meconian so i was like okay that's fine um so they were sorting that out and then in our room we started hearing some dips in the baby's heart rate so i was thinking oh we're gonna have to call an ambulance I think as well so you know gave it the time to assess and everything and decided I was like no we need to go as well so then we had to call an ambulance as well so this birthing room that we've got is um it's a fairly small room had a pool has a bed and it has like a toilet inside the room in that in this like tiny little cubicle and then the dad says I'm just going to go to the loo before we go and I'm like yeah fine like you know I'm not not thinking about what he's doing at the moment I'm focusing on the woman trying to get you know get her through and supporting her and whilst my colleagues are on the phone yes we need two ambulances speaking to the paramedics and all of a sudden I hear this like crack and I'm like what is that noise and all I could see then was these feet poking at the bottom of this tiny little cubicle and this dad had fainted inside the toilet so I sort of poked my head and I was like can someone else help and luckily it was one of them days where everybody was in the unit because we We were really busy.

8:24So then I said, can someone phone a third ambulance? We're going to need another ambulance. Because as the dad looked up, he had this massive egg on the front of his forehead. I was like, what is going on? So then we had like, you know, it's not a big unit that we worked at. We had these three paramedic crews. I think they then sent an extra crew because they were like, what is going on that morning? And we ended up having three ambulances. But it was just one of them memories that will always stick with me. Because, you know, no matter whatever happened within this unit, we always pulled together as a team.

8:51and we were always there for each other. And once we all eventually had gone to the main unit, then come back, we all just sat down and we were like, what was this? You know, we were all back by lunchtime. We were like, what has this morning been about? Like, what has gone on today?

9:08You know what? I think there is such a pressure on birthing partners to be there. And I think actually some people just, you know, they aren't cut out for it and that's fine. You know, if it's really going to be really overwhelming for you, want and that's why I always say you know birth prep is really really important. So I did about two years there and then I moved out to Dubai and I spent just under 18 months working out on a lay board in Dubai and that was one of the most interesting but also most challenging experiences of my career so far because it was completely different to working in the UK.

9:46I did a couple more years in the NHS, worked in again some home birth teams, setting up a home birth team, one hospital and another continuity team. I was just falling out of love with my career a little bit with the strains and the pressures of the NHS so I stepped foot into the world of being an independent midwife in December 23 and haven't looked back. having them chats with somebody you know about what you know how do you think you're going to cope how and that's where my role as independent midwife kind of really I really love that side of it because I get to know that you know their partners really well throughout the pregnancy as well so that when it comes to the birth I can kind of sense you know if there's something off or if they're not quite themselves and they need to go and take a break I can then be there and give that support to to my clients it's support for for both you know for all of the family really I know I'm very lucky to work in the way that I work I'm so glad that I do and it's you know it's it saved my midwifery career because I was really getting to the point of you know wanting to find something different to do but I don't know what else I would do like this there's not another job that I could think that I would be so happy in which is yeah the best

11:13You stopped waiting for permission and started building yourself, your dreams, your credit. Experian Boost could turn your on-time payments into instant FICO score gains. Every bill you paid could become proof of your power. Self-made? Absolutely. Self-funded? Experian could help you get there. Download the Experian app today. Results will vary. Not all payments are boost eligible. Some may not see improved scores or approval odds. Not all lenders use credit information impacted by Experian Boost. See Experian.com for details. Experian. Is your kid's birthday coming up? Don't stress the prep. The Party Shop at Michaels is your one-stop shop for everything from bluey to rodeo.

11:51Transform your space into a birthday wonderland with dream-worthy tablescapes and decor starting at 99 cents. Plus, get free helium inflation on select balloon styles. Whether you're crafting a one-of-a-kind bash or grabbing the essentials, Michaels has everything to make their big day legendary. Shop now and order ahead for delivery or in-store pickup. Michaels, everything to celebrate anything. Hey, it's Paige from Giggly Squad, and I want to let you know that if you want the newest and hottest beauty products, you have to go to Sephora. I'm obsessed with the One Size Liquid Blotting Paper Spray.

12:25It's the first of its kind blotting spray that mattifies for up to eight hours. It's unreal. There's also the Summer Friday Shade Drops SPF 50, which basically lives in my bag at this point. Oh, and the Kayali Eden Plush Pear smells so good. It's sweet, warm, and addictive. Like, people literally stop me and ask what perfume I'm wearing, which you know I love. So if you want the makeup, skincare, hair, and fragrance products everyone's about to be obsessed with, shop only at Sephora.

12:59After more than a decade supporting her patients, Leah understands the emotional weight that midwives carry and the importance of knowing when to step back.

13:11Being the first person to hold a new life, to catch a baby, is always special. It should always be, at least on some tiny level in the back of your head, emotional, huge, an honour, a privilege. But what I will say is the more you do your training in midwifery and the more competent you become, the more you also have to think about a million other things as that baby is being born. You're relieved, excited, elated for the woman. But there are also so many physiological things happening to that baby and to that woman in the minutes around birth that you are constantly gaming out. OK, can I see this?

13:53Is this happening? Is the woman doing this? is the baby doing this? What do I have to have next? What have I prepared? Who else needs to be in the room with me? Do I need help? Is it going to be okay? That gets easier as you become more proficient and experienced, but I'll be real. Every time you catch a baby, although there is an emotional component, there is also this highly skilled professional component as well that is, you know, the gears are turning in a major way.

14:25The women that I think of the most are probably women that I've interacted with in very acute, kind of vulnerable, sensitive moments. Maybe in triage because they've come in with some kind of emergency, they've come in for help. Even just phone calls that I've had where I've spoken to somebody at two o 'clock in the morning and they've been upset and distressed and I've been able to help them. Those are the ones that kind of stick in my mind. I think also lots of midwives would say that the births and the situations that really stick in their mind are the saddest ones.

14:57People quite often don't realise how much of midwifery is dealing with sad outcomes, whether it's very early pregnancy loss or later on miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death. Unfortunately, this is part of what we do. And what I will say is that some of those women are the ones who stand out most in my mind because of the grief that they endured. and because I, as a midwife, was their first point of contact when that happened.

15:32I don't think there's one single way to support every woman who's grieving or who's experienced pregnancy loss because each loss is so individual to that person. The circumstances are always so unique and the way each woman responds is unique. I've been in the room countless times when somebody's been told that their baby has died and people respond in all different ways and some women give the kind of classic grief response that you would expect where there's immediately lots of crying and vocalizing and kind of outright distress. Some women just seem to be completely numb and in shock and don't really take it in or don't seem outwardly to be emotionally affected at all.

16:18I'm sure that's not the case. Some people actually kind of laugh and make what you might think would be a really inappropriate response, but we know as professionals that that is also a grief response. So it's always about being responsive to the person in that moment, meeting them where they're at, making sure they understand what has happened, but without being too clinical and cold about it, and remembering that they're just a human who is going through such a challenging experience and they might want cups of tea and hugs and company or they might want you to leave the room for hours and just be left on their own.

17:00They might need things explained to them ten times or they might understand it the first time, so it's always really individual.

17:11in my over 12 years in the job I've definitely had times when I've had to take time out you know sometimes it's as simple as just you like give yourself a shake or you go and have a moan to your partner family friends or you know you just do something totally different on your days off but sometimes it really does take stepping back from the role to look after yourself and think about whether you're capable of looking after others. About three years ago, I took six months away from work because I was in a really bad, burnt-out place that had really affected my physical and mental health. Even the thought of driving through the hospital car park, let alone entering the hospital, putting on my uniform, doing my job, was terrifying.

18:03I did not see how I could ever return to that role but I looked after myself I had good support had some therapy, gotta love therapy sorted out my hormones because, you know, I was 45 that was all happening at that time it just all kind of came in a one-er and eventually on my own terms I did go back to work but taking that time out genuinely I think saved my life and I know that a lot of other midwives have had to do the same thing I always encourage people to step away from work if it's too much and to make use of all the support mechanisms that are out there because you just cannot care for others unless you're okay with yourself.

18:56thank you so much for listening please do like subscribe and leave us a review we would love to know what you think and if you're a midwife and would like to take part in this series you can find contact details in the podcast description

19:23Is your kid's birthday coming up? Don't stress the prep. The Party Shop at Michaels is your one-stop shop for everything from bluey to rodeo. Transform your space into a birthday wonderland with dream-worthy tablescapes and decor starting at 99 cents. Plus, get free helium inflation on select balloon styles. Whether you're crafting a one-of-a-kind bash or grabbing the essentials, Michaels has everything to make their big day legendary. Shop now and order ahead for delivery or in-store pickup. Michaels, everything to celebrate anything. Hey, it's Paige from Giggly Squad, and I want to let you know that if you want the newest and hottest beauty products, you have to go to Sephora.

20:02I'm obsessed with the One Size Liquid Blotting Paper Spray. It's the first of its kind blotting spray that mattifies for up to eight hours. It's unreal. There's also the Summer Friday Shade Drops SPF 50, which basically lives in my bag at this point. Oh, and the Kayali Eden Plush Pair smells so good. It's sweet, warm, and addictive. Like, people literally stop me and ask what perfume I'm wearing, which you know I love. So if you want the makeup, skincare, hair, and fragrance products everyone's about to be obsessed with, shop only at Sephora. You stopped waiting for permission and started building.

20:39Yourself, your dreams, your credit. Experian Boost could turn your on-time payments into instant FICO score gains. Every bill you paid could become proof of your power. Self-made? Absolutely. Self-funded? Experian could help you get there. Download the Experian app today. Results will vary. Not all payments are boost eligible. Some may not see improved scores or approval odds. Not all lenders use credit information impacted by Experian Boost. See Experian.com for details. Experian. Hey, Pablo Torre here. As a sports journalist, I've covered global sports for many years now. And there is one thing that I can promise you.

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