'Nothing Came Naturally': Lydia West on Hyperemesis, Breastfeeding & Struggling to Connect

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1:50As you know, happy mom, happy baby has been in all of our lives for the last nine years. And this podcast has been everything I hoped it would be and more. It's been phenomenal to see mums pulling together in the way that they are. And over the years, this podcast has evolved. The community has grown. And it's incredible to see all the different groups popping up on Facebook and Instagram. I absolutely love it. And over the years, there's been such a gorgeous natural progression. and that is that it's become all about the mum. It is all about the mum. As we talk about maternal mental health, about wellness, about everything that you've got to give to yourself and those around you, the mum is our focus.

2:35Therefore, there's been a few changes. We are now called Happy Mum. And we stop. Because you are our focus. You are the ones that we want to have these conversations with And we want to keep growing the space that we can hear more stories from different mums, different experiences, different cultures. That's how we keep doing what we're doing and making it even more impactful. We've got amazing community stories. We've got a new sub stack that is now available. And there's just going to be lots more to feed your soul. The things that you love are still there. The podcast is still there. I'm still in the studio.

3:12They've not blocked me yet. That's still happening. Don't worry. We just want to hear more. This is all about just creating a space so that we can soak up more mums, more new mums. There's still going to be a space for new mums. But all of us, as we go through this motherhood journey, because we all know that that journey does not stop after our babies become toddlers. So join us on this brand new chapter. I'm very excited. So come on, let's go.

3:43Hello and welcome to a brand new episode of Happy Mum. Happy mum. No longer happy mum, happy baby. It's all about happy mum. How exciting. I have loved chatting to today's guest. Just a really gorgeous chat with someone who has listened to the podcast for many years and just totally gets what it is and how much she has taken from the podcast. So it's enabled her to just be really relaxed and chilled. And I love that. today's guest is Lydia West who you might know from lots of different incredible series and films and stuff that she's done she was in It's a Sin Years and Years Inside Man Love Again Suspicion and Big Mood if you've not watched Big Mood yet I've watched half of series two and it is Channel 4's highest streaming comedy since Derry Girls that is massive absolutely huge The other thing that I love about Big Mood is the fact that Lydia, between the first series and the second series, she had two babies.

4:45And she went back to film the second series as an exec producer as well as being in it eight weeks after giving birth. Which, if you've ever had a baby and you have those plans afterwards, you just don't know what's going to happen. You don't know what's going to happen or how you're going to feel. So I'm always fascinated by women that make those decisions. I've been there. I've done that. Yeah, I can do that. I can definitely do that eight weeks after. So really interesting listening to her insight. To be honest, she was just beautifully reflective over different parts of motherhood and brought it all back to actually why this podcast exists in the first place.

5:20That feeling of looking around everyone else and going, wow, everyone else is absolutely boshing it and I feel like a failure all the time. And it's that sort of authentic, truthful conversation that I think helps so many. So please enjoy this week's guest, Lydia West.

5:39Lydia West: I'm mainly tired because I've been doing an audiobook. Oh, really? And have you done an audiobook? It kills you. That's a lot of days. That's a lot of words. Yeah. And by the end of the day, I was just saying, I can't, I'm doing bedtime stories, and I'm, like, stumbling over the Gruffalo. I don't know how to read anymore, so... It's that horrible bit. But, like, I know bedtime's an amazing thing, and I love reading with the kids, and I always have, still do it, But there is that thing of sometimes even holding the book up. I'm just like, this is too heavy for Mama. Yes, you can hold it, please.

6:15Yeah, and we've had to add a book limit. Just because if not, it's just endless. So we do like four or five. And then Daniela was like, well, that's a lot. And I was like, really? They're really short. They do do one and you do it really well. And then you say, goodnight.

6:35Lydia West: are you someone who adds the voices i do and are they are they received well no not yet because he's only two my oldest is only two and three months so he's just developing language so he he's just repeating everything i'm saying so i don't think he really understands when i'm doing voices he's just like now mommy's saying it in a weird way that i can't repeat it because her voice is strange. Well, mine, I give my best performances during the nighttime rage. Even if you're exhausted. Yeah. And my kids will just shut me down. Will they? Stop doing the voice. I'm like, come on, number went to drama school.

7:12Let me just, come on. Let me just give you a bit of Scottish. This mouth is definitely Scottish. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. Kids are just so, they're so honest. Yeah. They're so, like, my son will be like, what's that, mummy? and I'm like, that's a spot on the middle of my forehead. And I have like psoriasis on my elbows and he keeps saying, what's that, mummy? And I'm like, psoriasis. And he's like, psoriasis. And I'm like, psoriasis. He's like, psoriasis. And I'm like, okay, yeah, that's right. It's when they start wobbling your tummy and telling you there's another baby in there. He's like, no, no, baby gone.

7:47Yeah, yeah, that's happened. Absolutely. Yeah, it's quite a wild ride. I think it's humbling, is what they say. Yeah. How are you sleeping?

7:57Lydia West: Sleeping's okay. My littlest is 11 months now and he is sleeping. So it's okay. A few, like every kind of few hours. Did you get any sleep back between one and two or was it still? Yeah. So we did sleep training. We did. Yeah. From, because I fell pregnant. Well, I got pregnant when I was six months postpartum. And my first wasn't sleeping. so I was like very very ill and I was just like I can't not sleep because I am really being affected by this so we did some gentle kind of sleep training and then he slept through the night and then second came along was crashed right back to newborn days and yeah then we just did it again with our second because I was just like if it works you try what you know works and if it doesn't you adjust exactly and I just found like myself like I was a better mum and a better parent like having slept because my mental health is so closely related to my sleep and I realized like when I was tired I was so just snappy and short and and really like loads of anxiety so it it was like night and day for me being able to sleep again but it's just such a it's so tough I just think you could everything is hard to manage when you've not slept yeah and then you know sleep is a massive thing for all parents yeah from the moment I gave birth it was like are they sleeping are they feeding how is this going and I always felt like less than in some way or another and then when now it's kind of getting to toddler age with my second my first they're like how is have you potty and I'm just like give us a break give us a break with like the comparisons and like everything like developmentally it's just so it's it's important to monitor I think but it's just so easy to compare yourself with like where your child should be what other parents are doing, what works for them.

10:09So I'm just like, yeah, I'm really against just any comparison in motherhood. I wonder if when our kids are 11, are we going to know the kids who did, were able to do 20 flashcards at 15 months? No, exactly. It evens out.

10:23Lydia West: Exactly. And it just doesn't matter. And I think like social media especially is such a, like it's a great place, but it's also a very scary place for new mums with comparison and with like just such a wealth of like information that you just you're like oh I'll try this or I'll take this I'll do that and then you're just like where do I stop where do I draw the line yeah so did you always know that you wanted to be a mum I did did you yeah from when I was really little I would like have fantasies about becoming a mum and like have dolls and just like till maybe early teens just love my dolly and babies and I always just yeah that was my the one thing I was always certain of and I thought during my kind of 20s and 30 early 30s I was well I got pregnant when I was 30 but um I just didn't know if it was going to be possible really because I didn't find the right partner and I didn't have like all the like infrastructure in place like the stable job the house like the things that you're like I need to have this to become a mum so I didn't have any of that um but then it kind of just it all came together very very fast really and I met my partner and then yeah soon after meeting we we got pregnant with our first had you had the conversation about yeah yeah on like our first day I was like do you want kids and he was like I guess and I was like okay great I'll take that yeah I was like great and it wasn't there wasn't any pressure wasn't like oh I need to do in the next few years or whatever it was kind of just like great we're on the same page and then yeah we just fell in love and it's like you said though sometimes it's so hard figuring out when is the right time yeah even within a job like when you do meet that person you're kind of like yes you know you had like your career you started doing loads of like you weren't always acting and the acting side had really taken off so it must be hard in that setting then to kind of go and I'm gonna have a baby now yeah I didn't really think about it I was just it was yeah a lot had changed in my life with with my work and I was then like a somewhat stable actor and working and um then I the moment I got pregnant none of my peers I didn't really I have a few friends that have had babies but none of my peers um in the industry were having babies who are my age so I was just like looking for advice um which is funny in itself because being 30 as well yeah that's the age that people or even younger are yeah and then I met some amazing people like Mia who you've interviewed me and McKenna Bruce who's had a baby and we we connected like about pregnancy and things and it's scary I think at any stage it's really scary when And even if you've been planning children for a while, the moment you get pregnant, I've heard from so many people that you have the same reaction of like, whoa, now what?

13:22Lydia West: You just can't, you just don't know. It's going to change your life in so many ways. And you can't help but think of the worst. Like I was, I used to think I'm never going to work again. I am like never going to have a life again. I'm always going to be like, have no money. And then you realize like none of that really. like it's all just like your own it was for me it was my own like fear yeah really um what talk me through the symptoms that made you test in the first place so I was coming up to my 30th birthday and I was so ill um from five weeks so I I'd missed a period and then I I was like okay I'm gonna test um and it was like so clear as day um and I had never been pregnant before so I was like okay this is really scary like what uh what am I gonna do what was your initial reaction oh I was I just felt I felt really afraid yeah really afraid because this is something that I really wanted but I just had no idea I'd met my partner eight months before um and it was just so scary like you're in a new relationship you're in we were in a new city because he'd moved over here and I was kind of what I wasn't I don't think I was working at the time but I was just coming up to my 30th and I booked this like villa for all my friends to go and stay in in Spain and we went And I told all my friends like while I was there and I was deathly sick.

15:01Lydia West: So everyone was just having so much fun in this villa and drinking and smoking and having the time of their life. And I just remember being so resentful of my friends that were having a nice time. I was like, I feel like death. And yeah, from then my first pregnancy was just really bad. I had hyperemesis. so I was when you're already kind of in a position that you're so fearful of what life is going to look like then coupled with being so deathly sick it was really tough and I remember just really sympathizing with people with long-term illnesses because I'd never been in that position before and you just kind of have to live and act like everything's fine and I remember whenever I'd I was like the queen of oversharing at that time so when I'd go anywhere like I'd go in a nail salon and be like I'm pregnant and I'm so sick and I would be like seeking other mums that had gone through the same thing just any experience and people would be like oh I think when you've got hyperemesis like you I would hold on to the people the stories about when it finished at 12 weeks or 20 weeks and people would say oh it means a very healthy baby it's great and you'd try and hold on to all these positive stories.

16:19Because when you start looking, there's a lot out there, a lot of different accounts. Some people literally are in bed the whole time, can't even stomach people breathing. Exactly. And some people it carries on until the moment they give birth, which I just, it blows my mind. I know, it's really scary. And I was hospitalised a few times and then I was very reluctant to take medication. Oh, really?

16:45Lydia West: Because I didn't know if it was safe for the baby. It was just... It's funny, isn't it? Even though you've got a medical professional telling you this is what you need and it is safe, it's hard because you've got the weight of responsibility already as a mum where you're going, no, I mustn't put myself first. Exactly. And it already, for me, it made me feel like I already wasn't good enough. And it was the start of a relationship of being not a good enough mum. and it all started in pregnancy that I was like I can't I'm so ill I should be taking like bump pics and enjoying myself but I'm extremely like sad and lonely and ill so I couldn't work and yeah I was just like when I got to the end of the day it was kind of this weird thing I was just like when can I sleep again yeah so you wake up and you're like okay I can maybe stomach like a cracker and then I can sleep again.

17:45So it was just looking forward to that, the whole pregnancy. And, um, I eventually did take medication at around, I want to say like 20 weeks. I think I waited for when people said it would be over and it wasn't over. So I was like, now I need to take something. So I tried a cocktail of medication, um, and found things that made it a little bit more bearable um and then yeah and then that led to like then the birth which was awful also horrendous so did when you got to 20 weeks and you started doing all that did you feel like that

18:19Lydia West: all started to ease no really no no it didn't it it was I don't know if it started to ease or I started to just accept it more because when you live with the sickness you're just it became the normal like it became normal to like pull up vomit get back in the car have a plastic bag like on the tube and vomit into it like it just became my life I would just be like not no appetite for food um and for socializing anything that are surrounded like food which is so much of daily life meeting for a coffee meeting for lunch I just couldn't do any of it um so it was a miserable I remember being really, really miserable.

19:01And did it ease off at all?

19:03Lydia West: It eased off about maybe 36-ish weeks. But then the two weeks before I gave birth, so 38, it came back. It was maybe like I had like one week of like, this is slightly livable, where I wouldn't vomit like every, like I went from vomiting like four times, five times a day. Have you vomited much in life? No. Because that's always what gets me. Like, you know, I've only ever been sick if I've got a sickness bug. Yeah. And really, in your lifetime. Yeah. You probably don't have it that often. No. So the idea of being sick every day or multiple times a day. I know. And if you have, like, I definitely don't have the phobia where you're, like, afraid of being sick, but I don't think anyone enjoys being sick.

19:48So my whole body would, like, tense up. I'd get really shaky and just such an uncomfortable... I know what it does to everything. like you know your eyes your face you're like blood vessels yeah it's horrible and your tummy

20:00Lydia West: yeah tender yeah yeah it's not good and then all the while you're just like oh my baby's okay like this is this is hell but like i just want the best for my baby yeah so god i can remember this is give me a flashback to um i was filming um the baby clubs for cbc uh heavily pregnant with Max and my third and I arrived at the hotel did filming on the Sunday and then Sunday night I was meant to be filming on the for the whole week Sunday night I literally was in the toilet the whole night throwing up obviously picked up a sickness bug yeah and being very heavily pregnant uh even being sick made me wet myself oh I used to wet myself like I used to have to I used to have to wear period underwear like every day and pads and like it was just a norm that my husband would like bring me new pants and trousers to the toilet like every time and I'd be like yeah I mean nothing more beautiful than a woman exactly but it's just so real and so yeah you don't realize a symptom too and it's like then when you're in public you have that fear of like we in yourself too which is not great it's not how how did you feel heading towards the birth like is that something that you'd ever thought about before did you have preconceived ideas of what that would be like?

21:20Lydia West: I'd never thought about it before. And then I opened a can of worms in research and I did a call, I did a hypnobirthing course. How did that make you feel? That made me feel very, like I felt really safe and confident. I was like, the sickness is going to be over. I'm going to soak in my womanhood and birth this baby naturally, no interventions and all these. so for me it was not great it was I think as I mentioned I was already feeling less than as a pregnant person so then learning about hypnobirthing and then fixating on it was like a recipe for disaster for me because I tried so hard to hypnobirth my baby and I was so confident that I'd be able to manage the pain and everything and I just wasn't.

22:18Do you feel like it maybe gave you the right way?

22:21Lydia West: Yeah, exactly. Than anything else that happened? Oh, absolutely. And I remember reading a birth plan from like a hypnobirthing specialist and I created my birth plan based on it. And there was no, it was like only intervene medically if 100 % necessary for the baby. So there was nowhere in me that was like as a mother I have a choice. If I can't manage the pain, I can have medical intervention. So I already approached my birth. I feel like I was already at a loss because I was not willing to take any medication. I really wanted a birth center birth. I wanted just the perfect holistic birth. And I think when you go into that with that expectations, when you haven't experienced this thing, you're just going to fail and I failed tremendously but I don't think I did now I can look back and say I didn't but I was so reluctant I went into labour and it was my first it was quite a long time and I was very reluctant to take any medication but I was in so much pain.

23:30Well where were you when you first went into labour how many weeks were you?

23:32Lydia West: I was 40 and two days. Okay so you had two days are going, I'm over now. Yeah, exactly. And I was like, oh, and I think the whole, in my third trimester, I was kind of like, oh, it could happen any moment. Oh, it could be today. Especially with healing birthing, because I've done it, it gives you the five-week window. Yeah. Anything can happen from 37 to 22. And I was convinced my waters were going to break and then it was just going to happen one night in the bath. So I was kind of, I had that expectation. And I'd been in hospital the week before with really bad hemorrhoids. Right. and another wonderful pregnant woman so gorgeous it felt really nice and I was like I and that was a fear for me because I was in so much pain with my hemorrhoids that I thought I wouldn't be able to naturally birth my baby so I was already like these need to go I need to feel relief from this because having a c-section is my idea of hell and um uh the pain was it was really bad but then I I kind of went into what I think I thought was labour at 40 plus weeks and it was not it was just like pain and I was like this is labour because it's so painful like Braxton Hicks or just random pain it was like maybe early contraction yeah Braxton Hicks but I went in and they were like you're not even like one percent dilated and I was like and you know when you're just sent home and you're like I can't do this pain so then the next kind of 48 hours was just like going to and from hospital being two centimeters I got up to two centimeters and then I had a sweep and then started uh contracting and I was in early labor for a couple of days so I was only like two three centimeters and they couldn't admit me to the labor ward to a birth center or labor ward because you just burned enough centimeters exactly so but I just remember being in so much pain and I then had pethidine in the hospital and I was in such a haze of pain but I remember vividly feeling like I failed.

25:38Really? Even during it? During, during. I was like I have failed in childbirth because I have taken pethidine and it gave me some relief but it was still horrible and then I eventually did give birth in the birth centre after many hours and had more pethidine and it was just it was just really tough and painful and then when my baby my first baby came out he wasn't breathing so he had to be resuscitated and I remember being in such a haze that I was just like what happened but distinctly feeling like I'd failed but my baby was here and he wasn't breathing and I was like this is were you very

26:23Lydia West: aware of that in the room they called an emergency so loads of people came in and I remember being I was kind of waiting for my placenta and I was just like in and out of a weird high haze of pethidine yeah and knowing that some sort of emergency and I was asking my partner I was like is everything okay and he was just with me and he was like everything's fine and then it took about 15 minutes to resuscitate my baby um but I was just so out of it I just was so so I didn't have like immediate like skinned skin or delayed cord clamping or any of this like beautiful stuff that's on your nice laminated exactly and then so I was just like oh this is this is terrible and eventually I did get my baby and he was safe and I was just like whoa what did we just experience well and after all of that as well when you are handed your baby yeah how did you feel in that moment because again there's so much expectation on bond and about this like outpouring and and actually after all that it's okay to feel quite overwhelmed yeah I felt overwhelmed I felt I felt like amazed by him I remember being like wow this was inside me and he's beautiful but that initial bond I definitely didn't feel I didn't feel like the rainbow and let's now like get on my breast and let's do this gorgeous thing and and I was like this is what I'm supposed to feel I don't feel um and it's so tough because yeah you read all this stuff and hear the stories and there's so much romanticising in like early motherhood that then you get to it and you're like, I failed because I don't feel all these things.

28:14So that was tough. Was there a moment of silence when everyone left the room and it was just you three? Yeah. In that moment you must have been like, what the fuck? I was like, what the hell, let's order McDonald's. Because I hadn't eaten in nine months, ten months. Jesus, yeah.

28:29Lydia West: And I was like so hungry and so desperate for food and the appetite and the sickness just stopped. And I remember asking my partner every day, I was like, when I give birth, will I, I don't think I'll ever, I think I'll have this sickness forever. And then he was like, no, we've read, like it goes the second, and it did. And I was so hungry. And so, yeah, we were just, our focus was ordering McDonald's. Best McDonald's of your life. Yeah, it was literally amazing. Like you said, you know, now that you didn't fail and that you have not failed. Yeah. How long did it take for you to get there, though?

29:06And was there a process within the next few weeks of continuously looking back and kind of going, fuck, I didn't do that, I didn't do that, that didn't go right? Yeah, so I think what happened is then early motherhood, feeding was a huge issue for me. So I once again set my expectations too high of being able to breastfeed and it coming naturally. And it did not come naturally to me. what I think was a low supply I was doing everything to I was taking so many supplements I was pumping around the clock I was researching I bought so many breast pumps hired so many things took all the supplements to increase my supply and feed my baby and I remember the first night the second night we were in hospital um I I wanted to feed him but I was being encouraged to breastfeed and I just something in me wasn't sitting right and we had little formulas and I remember feeling ashamed and saying to my partner let's get the formula out but make it like keep it a secret and I remember being so ashamed of supplementing with formula and then instantly regretting feed and I fed the baby and the baby was so hungry and I remember feeling like well that's another failure you're now it's going to make your supply go down even further and the

30:32Lydia West: baby's not going to take the breast and it was all these just expectations about breastfeeding and I wore nipple shields for a long time and I remember even being like at some point I need to wean off the nipple shields it was just like a constant battle every day see nipple shields though they are the only reason I was able to feed. You know what I mean? For like two weeks at least I wore those nipple shields every day. Exactly. And then eventually they went. But if it wasn't for them, there's no way. Exactly. So, yeah, I tried everything and it wasn't working. I was so exhausted. I tried breastfeeding until I was maybe four months postpartum.

31:14And I was so upset. It was like such a grief, breastfeeding, that then when I quit and I finally decided to like hand in the breast pumps and give up, I was distraught. I cried so much to my partner. I think in the early days, which I now know, the early days of newborns, I was expecting to feel this really deep bond. And I didn't feel that with my baby. and I haven't subsequently felt that with two newborns because they don't offer much back.

31:51Lydia West: Like they're just, they don't yet have like expressions. And demand on you when you are mentally and physically not at your best. Yeah. When you've been so broken for months of feeling or being sick. Exactly, yeah. You know, I would say that it is completely, um it it's I can understand why there's that almost disconnect or that absolutely and you just I would see other mums at baby groups and feeding clinics feeding so well and I remember romanticizing about it and being like I just want to be able to have my baby breastfeeding and that would make me bond with it so it was just so much pressure and when I quit breastfeeding I was really sad for like a week and I would look for inspiration in formula feeding mums and when they would just wear it with so much confidence like oh no we don't breastfeed or oh yeah no I bought a prep machine I'd be like I want to be like I want to have that courage to just own your decision and it's okay but I would always justify it with like oh I have low supply and just like not be just self-deprecating always not even having to give an explanation exactly this is what I'm doing and it's your baby yeah and you decide yeah exactly so but I'd always like say it in like an apologetic way like oh I have to make a bottle and yeah we're like co-feeding or we're doing both but I don't have enough so when I decided to just drop that I was a lot happier there are so many different parts I think of motherhood especially with a newborn that can make you feel like that I had that feeling over a dummy.

33:30Did you? Yeah, because in my head I was like, my baby won't have a dummy. I'm not going to give my baby a dummy. And then four weeks in, I was literally, I cannot, like, I cannot. But again, in all the baby groups, I would feed him before going in so I didn't have to feed in the room, in the car, literally last second before going in. And then I'd go in and I'd just will him not to cry so that I didn't have to get this dummy out. Yeah. It's such a weird thing. But really, like, two and three, I was just like, here you go. A hundred percent. They'll go eventually.

34:06Lydia West: Exactly. I think it's such... New mums are so vulnerable. Yeah. And, like, societal expectations and internalised misogyny, like, create so many rules for new mums that you can't do this and it makes you not a good mum. and it it it really impacts people do you think you put a lot of judgment and expectation on yourself yeah yeah so much and I think I was coming from a place of such if you've ever had like really low self-esteem and self-confidence and just been a kind of in that vulnerable position I think being a new mum with all the anxieties that that brings is just like recipe a breeding ground for like I'm not good enough yeah complete like self-judgment and um I yeah I was I was on medication prior to having my baby and during pregnancy and I remember upping my dose of anti-anxiety depressants during the newborn stages because I was just like I feel so useless and everything that I was doing when it came to like feeding just made it even and that's really all you've got in the early days like all you do is give this feed so then if you feel like you're not doing that properly it just it makes you it made me feel really really useless um with your mental health history were the medical professionals that were they looking at you a little bit more closely did you feel after you'd given birth were you more aware of how you were feeling i was more aware i wasn't kind of the home visiting team are amazing and they always check in and the midwives were all incredible but because my mental health was never kind of prenatal or um during pregnancy it was before it was kind of like always managed and then having a baby just exacerbated some symptoms really yeah um well because everything about you is changing exactly everything that's flowing through your body at that point yeah exactly so but I was I always felt really supported in and really open like talking about it and I I remember seeing meeting mums and that were thinking about going on medication and even now if I talk to a mum that's like struggling or I'm like I'm so for like talking about it because it saves lives um and there's a lot of like also fear-mongering with taking certain medications during pregnancy or if you're trying to have a baby but the cost of like going off that medication to try this thing or be pregnant with it for the baby's sake a lot of that is not worth the month's sake and I really just believe now you have to really put yourself first yeah because yeah it just leads to a healthier baby happy mom happy baby exactly yeah but completely that is it yeah that is totally it

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38:59At what point did you feel like you could look back and go, no, I haven't failed? I think only recently. Now my second is turning one. So then second pregnancy. Oh, yeah, let's go into this. Yeah, no, second pregnancy. Second pregnancy. How was finding out you're pregnant?

39:14Lydia West: Finding out I was pregnant was so scary. I was in Greece on holiday and having such a fun time. I was like, yes, we've got a baby and we're having fun again. And now I can have a cocktail. Yeah, let's have a cocktail. Let's have shisha. I remember I don't even like shisha. But there was shisha in this hotel in Greece. And I was like, we need to have shisha. And my partner was like, ugh, you're going to cough. And I was like, I don't mind. I love shisha. So then I found out I was pregnant. When I got home, I was like, OK, I'll do a pregnancy test. I had so much shisha. I had so much shisha. I'm sorry to say.

39:49my throat really hurt the next day and uh I was just like of course I'm pregnant okay this is I always wanted more than one child so I was kind of like I think subconsciously I was trying to

40:04Lydia West: redo my whole pregnancy motherhood early experience to just remove some of the shame that I discuss and so I was I was actually really overjoyed and I was like I'm gonna do this pregnancy so differently so I hadn't worked in a while I got offered this job in Australia and I was four weeks pregnant and I said to my partner let's do it let's all go to Sydney and do this job so we all went to Sydney and the on the plane journey to Sydney I was with my six month old and I felt it just hit this sickness it just hit and I was like this is the feeling again and immediately the dark cloud came back and I was like no no no okay what I'm doing this time I'm taking medication so I went to a clinic I was prescribed what worked at the end of my pregnancy last time was on the strongest dose of medication was taking so such again a cocktail of anti-sickness um I was trying to do everything I didn't do in this pregnancy to make it better like so I was trying to eat even though it did make me sick but it was actually helping a little bit so I went to work and I did this job and I told everyone at work and they were so amazing and so supportive and I felt even if I didn't feel so bad because I was so heavily drugged up with anti-sickness I would still say I feel really awful and I feel really sick I'm pregnant yeah just as like it was just a way a safety blanket for me to be like I am not okay yeah and I want you to know that yes so I was yeah I was very deathly ill and came back home and then so how How long were you there filming for?

42:00Lydia West: Filming for three months. Yeah. And we had a medic on set that would just be, like, it was peak Sydney summer. And I would just have, like, ice packs all over me. And it was just, the only thing that worked was the medication. It just gave some relief. And additionally, I was on my higher dose of my anti-anxiety depression, the present that I had been prescribed with my first. So I was kind of managing my mood and managing my sickness. I was just surviving. And I remember feeling like the shame I hadn't taken any sickness in my first was gone. I was like, survive. At this point, survive. And I think once you've been through one successful pregnancy and birthed a child, you're then, you have a newfound confidence that your baby is going to be okay.

42:54So I didn't feel the guilt. and that so yeah then I came back and we were I was I tried to like outsource child care a few days just to rest because I was so managing a one-year-old when you're heavily pregnant is

43:12Lydia West: so hard it's so hard and when you're sick you're just like I had to feed my child I remember being like I have to feed you three times a day when the side of food makes you feel sick it's really And the way, like, toddlers eat. That's so disgusting. It's a sensory experience. And that water is so backwashed. But you're drinking it. It's okay. So it then came the decision to how to birth my next baby. And I was like, I would like a cesarean. Really? Even though you said that was your worst case scenario? I was like, I need relief that this is going to end on a certain day. and my own mental health can't handle the pain of labour and the build-up and I have also another child to be fit for that I need to know when I'm giving birth.

44:08This is the control element, isn't it? Yeah. Kind of taking things into your own hands for a bit. And I remember my mum group, like our local mum group, I remember asking the baby moon group what is has anyone had an elective c-section and can you offer any advice and the amount of outpouring of mums messaging me like I was so ashamed to have a elective after my emergency or even just ones that have had an emergency about the healing process and about how how like pleasant it was and it really gave me the courage to do it and I then managed to book it in and I just explained to my midwife about all the everything I'd been through and the sickness and they knew um and it's wild that there's that stigma around so much but that just goes back decades exactly of you know silly magazines yeah and the whole too posh to push or whatever like that it was it was dumbed down for so long by tabloid press who have nothing to they've got no right being in that space actually to say how women should and should

45:19Lydia West: birth and they're all men yeah so it's just like yeah it's another like example of misogyny that it's just made to make mums feel rubbish about their decisions and about themselves so I wasn't going to do it with my second I just I'd been there and I'd got the natural birth birth vaginal birth t-shirt yeah and I don't know what it would have been like if I had felt this with my first and I'm so inspired when mums are like I'm just gonna have a thinker I think if if I have to intervene with medication or an elective it is what it is I'm like go go with that courage yeah that will take you far in motherhood yeah because I had to learn it very quickly um so I I had an elective.

46:06It was booked on the day and I was sick the morning of my elective. Oh, wow. I was sick every day and I was just like... So even though you were still on all that medication, you were still sick? Yeah, still vomiting, still at least twice a day. Like morning, first thing, and then usually like afternoon, before bed. And did you still feel sick throughout the day or were you just a case of vomiting those times? I felt ill during the day. You felt the medication that I was on, one of them gives you really bad constipation and the other one makes you really tired. So I think the sickness is relieved by those symptoms.

46:48So you're exhausted, so then you don't feel as sick and then you're constipated, so you don't feel as sick. It definitely works in some other ways. Do you have hemorrhoids again then? The hemorrhoids were still there.

46:59Lydia West: They were still there because it hadn't been long enough. My body was like ready to birth and I didn't, I hadn't returned to like whatever like a pre-baby body was. I was just, everything stayed the same. My body was like another one to plop in. Well, how did your body feel second time around then? How did it feel? I guess I never considered how it felt because I was so ill. Yeah. I guess it felt horrible.

47:36And then I decided also in pregnancy I wasn't going to breastfeed this baby. Yeah, because I just, I couldn't do it again. Yeah. I just really wanted to protect myself and I didn't have, and I'd been in therapy for my birth trauma and my early motherhood experience with my first, that I was like, how can I safeguard myself for the second? Had you already started that therapy before you felt pregnant again or was falling pregnant again the catalyst for you kind of going right? I'd already started it. So when I increased my dose of medication, I was like coupled with this. I'm going to go back to therapy and talk about what has just happened, which really helped.

48:21Were you surprised by what came up in that? yeah I think so I think every time I've stopped therapy and restarted as an adult new things emerge that you're like four years ago I wasn't talking about this but it still existed but it was just in a different place in my brain and my existence so every time I and going into therapy in early motherhood I was talking about some things that did exist previously but I had a new perspective on them yeah um because of motherhood because of motherhood and I think yeah being an adult in therapy just always kind of open up like new doors that are like the same wounds but in a different from a different perspective yeah absolutely but it was very important for me and like for new mums like going to therapy is just so just even taking an hour of time I would feel the guilt of leaving the house and my partner is very able to do everything I'm doing I would still have this like helicopter approach of like feed it this time what did he eat did he

49:31Lydia West: poo all these like just a control yeah thing um and then the guilt that lay with that of like how can I be prioritizing my own mental health when there is a child that needs me um but he also needs you to be well exactly exactly so it really helped yeah and then I didn't breastfeed my second I had thoughts about it I would go I'd be in the hospital and after recovering from the c-section I was in for a few days and I remember being like oh what did uh what did that midwife say about the um hospital grade uh pumps that they have here and then my partner would be like do you want it and I'll be like should I and he's like it's up to you and I'll be like okay no so I was still going there with like I should pump or I should try and I did try and put him on and it didn't work and he we got home after day three he then had jaundice so we went back to the neonatal ward and he was in for a few days and then he he contracted an infection a bronchitis like bronchiolitis thing and then we were back we were in for three weeks then god and i remember again is a really difficult thing when you've got a baby at home at home so then that juggle that pull that guilt the guilt and i didn't know this new baby so what this new baby did was take me away from my baby that I know and I love so much so this new baby I was like a little bit resentful of like and so worried about yeah but so not doing bedtimes for three weeks and not being able to hold my other baby because of my c-section and being worried about him but worried about this baby it was just a lot of stress and then we were in hospital together and I remember at seven days he had this infection and they were like, is this feeding normal for him?

51:31And I was like, I don't know him.

51:32Lydia West: He's seven days old. I don't know if it's normal. I think. So they were like, does his skin normally like glottal like this? And I was like, I think so. I just, I don't know how to answer these questions. So it was a really hard, that was last June. And we were in and out for about a month. and then we came out and when we came out we were home for a day when my baby was three days old and my toddler had come home from nursery and I remember the virus that my baby contracted I was like he must have got it as a nurse from nursery and I remember kind of blaming my toddler and being like this is why the baby's sick but then when we came out of hospital my toddler got the same virus so my toddler actually got it from him and then I was like he made my other baby sick so it was just really and we were just like and you know when your children are sick I didn't know this until starting childcare I didn't know how much it would affect me physically, mentally when they're sick you're just like I don't want to deal with this this is really hard but hold on, it's me I've got to be the one Yeah, but also, like, I am so sad for you.

52:53And it's just so hard dealing with children's sickness. When they are, like, physically sick, like, actual throwing up, I find that really...

53:03Lydia West: Heartbreaking. Yeah. Because also they suddenly look really tiny. They're little bodies. And really vulnerable. Yeah. And they don't understand, like, why is... Yeah, I can't. It's so sweet. One thing you did have in the pipeline with two, you had to go back to work at eight weeks. Yeah, we're promoting the show. Oh, yes, come on. Who did it? Tell us. So Big Mood is out now, season one and two on Channel 4 to stream. Amazing. I've started the second series. Did you like it? Yes. Good, yes. Yes, thank you. Isn't it the most watched comedy on Channel 4 since Stereo Girls? Is that right? I hope so.

53:41I believe it was on the press release. We're going to go with it. Is that on the press release? Yeah. Great. it is the biggest Channel 4 show since Derrick O's there we go yeah worth a watch so within that 8 weeks you've got a month of going back yeah in hospital but at what point did you set that 8 weeks up I'm guessing in pregnancy you were like yeah so they wanted season 2 was commissioned when I was in Australia and then I was early pregnancy yeah and when I came back I was 2 I was like maybe 17 to 20 weeks so I was getting a bit bigger and Nicola's schedule and my schedule didn't align. So I was like, I'm going to be too big.

54:20So then the next opportunity was just after I gave birth. Which is also really difficult, isn't it? Because you're just like, is my situation making this difficult and therefore is my situation going to mean that this opportunity goes?

54:33Lydia West: Exactly. And it's like our show and it's the most amazing team and I really wanted to do it. and having not worked for what I felt was like two, three years, I was really inspired to work again. And I think you do this thing when you're pregnant, you're like, I can go back after a week. And then you have to be able to be like, I was crazy to even think that. But you just don't know. You don't know. And people around you can't say that to you either. I honestly don't think I would be able to say to another pregnant woman, I'm really sorry, like, that's not my place. Exactly. Because you don't know.

55:10you don't know how that person's birth is going to be. You don't know how their mental health is going to be. They could have an amazing birth. Their mental health could be absolutely fine. They could have a baby that sleeps, that feeds. You know, they could have a great support team around them. Exactly. So it's really hard to kind of go, I don't know. 100%. It's not your place. It's not. It's not. And we all have to figure things out for ourselves. Exactly. That's it. So I went back. But you put that eight week on and you thought that was a good idea. So I put the eight week on. But I thought that was, I didn't actually think it was a good idea.

55:40I thought it would be okay. Okay. And I thought it would be six weeks for then. And then I was like committed to taking a year off. Right. And when I gave birth to my first, my husband had two weeks paternity leave. And I was like, let's swap. And you get the paternity leave with my second, with our second. And I'll go back to work. Yeah. So we did that. and it was a really supportive environment. They had, like on the first day, my director, Rebecca, had name tags for my two kids. And for all the members of the crew, we all had the same name tags, including my kids. And it was so amazing and it was so supportive.

56:24The Channel 4 offered like an extra baby kind of nanny support for me on set. so I had the babies there all day long and it was was there a point leading up to it where you had a wobble where like at any point oh yeah I don't know if this is a great idea that I'm about

56:44Lydia West: to walk into yeah yeah more so many I think I think what was hard was the trying confidence yeah because you have changed so much like my body wasn't as it used to be my ambition wasn't where it was once was where I'd be willing to like work these crazy hours and it's fine because it's just me but when you'd work like 16 hours and then be up all night with a newborn you personally I felt really bad like when I don't sleep so it was really my confidence was on the ground two years by that point of feeling like you're failing every time exactly so I was Right, let me just add some more failure. But even though you're going into a setting where you know you excel, you've created something beautiful before, you're going in with a very different self.

57:38Yes, exactly.

57:39Lydia West: And you just don't feel as confident. Personally, as a new mum of two, I didn't feel... Your whole identity has shifted. What you thought you wanted in life has changed. so I was always very ambitious about my work but now I had a new focus and that wasn't work that wasn't doing the most groundbreaking shows or or plays whatever it was just being there for my children so I was very conflicted at so many stages and I remember but I do remember when I did get past like the guilt yeah and the fear I do remember finishing and being feeling accomplished and a bit fulfilled and having adult conversations and being respected at work and all the things at home you're not mate tell me about it you're not respected by your two-year-old I have that now you know mine are much older yeah I go away and you know if I'm working this I would this is amazing like during the podcast sitting down next opposite someone and and actually having feeling completely seen and heard and feeling like you actually have a like a connection right that's amazing when I'm off on tour and I play whatever it's that you are completely held by the other people in the cast right and then you get home and everything just falls apart you're just am I here no one's no one's listening to me the simple thing which is the the pinnacle of our existence in every single part of this job.

59:13Yeah. I don't get that at home.

59:14Lydia West: Nope. No, you're treated like crap at home by your two-year-old. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they give you like a tiny bit of affection or love and you're like, oh, this is worth it. They do love me. And then you're like, they do actually, but you're like, that's bare minimum. I'm accepting the bare minimum at home. But there's children. That is children. It is children. It is children. I think we have to see it not as a reflection of us as moms. A hundred percent. It must have been difficult on set when you're there doing a scene and usually you'd go back to your trailer or whatever, your dressing room, and be able to kind of have a little bit of downtime.

59:51But instead you're going full on mum mode to two children. How's the prepping for the next scene going?

59:59Lydia West: Well, I would just do... Before I started the job, my in-laws came to visit and I did two weeks of just learning lines because I knew once I was in it, I wouldn't be able to. I can do amends, but I can't do full script learning. So I would just like, you just have to be really organized. I was really organized with like childcare. When I have childcare, learn out. And when I used to like dissect a script and think about it and then come back to it, I didn't have that anymore. I was just like, I need to learn. I've got like 60 minutes while they're napping to do it. And I'd do loads of contact naps with my little one and learn lines.

1:00:40And that's also good, pinned on a sofa. Yeah. Therefore you can do the work. Exactly, and then not do other household things or look after the other baby. So, yeah, it was tough, but I also knew it was short-term. Yeah. And it was fun at the same time. It wasn't like it was, it felt great. It didn't feel like the worst thing in the world.

1:01:02Lydia West: So, yeah. Well, especially when you've come off the back of going, I'm never going to work again. Exactly. That's the thing. Yeah, so I was just kind of like happy to be there. Yeah. And feeling like if this is, I think all actors feel like if this is my last job, I'm going to go out with a bang. And you're just like, well, this is my last job, so I'm just enjoying it. It's just part of being, or for me, that's what being an actor is. I'm trying to let go of control in many ways, in many aspects of motherhood, in the way I parent with my partner, trusting that, trying to like control less, like what they're, how, what he, what he's doing with them and what, like he does when I'm at work with them.

1:01:49Because before I'd be like, okay, the naps are at this. And they have a very strict routine. Helicopter parenting with your partner. Yeah, helicoptering him.

1:01:56Lydia West: And it also, now it's coming into, my two-year-old is developing such a personality. And I'm like, oh, this control feels like it's slipping out of my hands. So I'm just really trying to let go, really trying to have patience. Because toddlers be killing you. Toddlers are so hard. They don't do what you say. I was about to say an awful thing then as well. It's such a, wait till there's a three nature. But they keep giving, is all I'm going to say. they keep giving and I keep thinking like when is this not listening going to end and then I'm like and I speak to other people and they're like it doesn't, it changes I always have that thing of it's their hearing and then really quietly you'll just have in the cupboard a little bit of chocolate wrapper and they'll be there straight away he's got good hair he's definitely selective absolutely I mean it's a ride it's a ride yeah if you could go back to pre-first pregnancy what would you tell yourself to get you get yourself through take medication take it all um take care of yourself and it's gonna be okay yeah it sounds really cliche but it all works out and the fears the amount of time i spent having these like fearful daydreams about what the future holds it all was just irrelevant it's all irrelevant now so yeah just just know that it will be fine once baby's here yeah are there any parts of motherhood that you thought that are as you thought they would be no no also yeah I've got to say for me I would say that you are still in the trenches do you know what I mean you are still very much yeah you are yeah I think sometimes it's really important to hear that and to kind of acknowledge it like you are yeah it's hard it's hard you've got two kids that are so close together yeah mine were 23 months apart so almost two years uh yeah and everyone with two also what I'll say is two under two I was fed such a different reality my algorithm like this is why I'm kind of staying away from parenting social media because I was told like the transition between one to two is so much easier than zero to one and they'll be best friends and it's great and all the baby stuff you can reuse and it's easy it's and I was I like anyone who's like what's two under two like I'm like it's hard it's really hard and I would have I love my kids and wouldn't change anything but I do see the benefit of waiting and having time with your first and time for yourself and that relationship to develop before introducing a new baby to the mix um it's a changing of dynamics isn't it because you know that that bringing in another baby is going to change your dynamic and it's going to have such a massive impact on the other baby on the other baby and on your relationship and on your time and on your finances like just so much it so it impacts your life so much but um and people always ask like oh are they best friends and they get on and my two-year-old tolerates my one-year-old tolerates like we went through a phase where literally our kids could not walk past each other without an arm or a leg coming out that's what happened yeah yeah it's staying for a while I'm like, why are you pushing?

1:05:40Yeah, yeah. He's not doing anything. Kind hands, kind hands. Yeah. Remember, what's in our heart? Love.

1:05:48Lydia West: Nice and gentle. Gentle. Oh, I see you starting to headbutt. Okay, we're not doing that. Separation. And we put our legs out. So in the morning, I have one child playing on this side of me, on my right, and then one on my left. And I'm just like, the wall that keeps them separated. So I'm like, you've got your toys. You've got your toys. You're both fine. Don't go near each other. But at some point, the younger one will just... We found it that I always say second children anyway come out with their elbows out a little bit. Yeah, they do. They're ready for the world. At some point, the second one is going to blow the first one's head off.

1:06:28Really? Yeah. And then stand up to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's what needs to happen. Because my little one is so sweet. and I'm like, he just wants to show you things. And you're being so mean, but you're also two, so it's okay. What is it like having a third? I feel like the third, suddenly I didn't care about any of the other stuff. Do you know what I mean? Like, you do let go. You let go of all the things. You let go of the idea of having to put them down at every nap. You just hold them. I feel like I knew that Max would be my final child. I had that feeling. And so I just wanted to soak it up as much as possible.

1:07:09The other two adored him. How old were they? So they would have been four and a half and two and a half.

1:07:18Lydia West: Oh, cute. So they could hold him and be like, you know, and were just fascinated by him. Whereas now, when new little babies and stuff come into the mix, I'm like, that's how you used to feel about Max. Remember, you love him. You did then, you do now. Yeah, three's a lot. I can imagine, yeah. But you've just got to lean into the chaos. You've got to lean into the chaos. Yeah, yeah, I do. I do. My therapist actually said that because I was talking about the mess. It's the control again. The control. Control, yeah. And learning to let go of mess because I've been so orderly in my life to feel control and feel safe that then now when my child takes the drawer and empties all the cars out, suddenly I feel unsafe.

1:08:11Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, I am so triggered to just learn to let go and be like, it is a tip and you guys are having fun and that's fine. That's currently what I'm going through. Mess and noise for me. noise yeah and slamming doors yeah don't love that yeah yeah there's just ours are thankfully out of the throwing things at each other phase that they went through so I'm quite again they haven't been in that for a while but you know when there's just certain moments you're like

1:08:43Lydia West: please let this stop we're throwing food and we're trying to do everything like I'm so calm I'm like baby we love it we throw balls and i and i'm like what have i done wrong that he's throwing so much food every meal time we used to have to start because he was throwing cars and stuff we started having to get bean bags so my my favorite game i think we call it like bean pan something like that i'd get a saucepan in the middle of the room and i'd get loads of bean bags and we just practice all just chucking it into just turning it into a game of like this is something that we are allowed Do you obviously want to perfect this throwing action?

1:09:19Let me give you a game that you're actually allowed to play. Okay. Noted. I'm buying a beanbag.

1:09:26I was just thinking, like, do I have a beanbag? No. Okay. On the way home, I'm buying a beanbag. Just those little ones. You know, you get at the fair. Yeah. Yeah. No, I know exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Because also, there's stuff that you don't mind. And I really want him to express himself. And I'm sure. And we keep saying to each other, oh, my God, our second is going to go through this in a year. We're like, we are. How? But anyway, I do want him to throw things,

1:09:52Lydia West: but just not food like broccoli at me because I'm just... But also part of my brain goes, I never did this. I'm sure I never did this. My mum and dad would never put up with this. Which again, I'm sure there's loads of books written about it because our inner child just knows. That's why we feel overwhelmed by it because we've been raised to a different standard. Absolutely. And with different levels of discipline or different communication that you're like, I'm trying to do this the right way. So please give me a break. Just stop throwing a broccoli, please. Exactly. So, yeah. If you could write a letter on motherhood, who would it be to and what would you say?

1:10:31Lydia West: I was thinking about this one and I was like, hmm. I want to say my younger self. and it's so recent so I'm not yet in the stage where I feel complete acceptance but I would write to my pregnant first self and just tell myself that it's all going to be okay lower my expectations on feeding on birthing on raising on on parenting in general and quiet in the noise so the noise of like influence external influence external pressure whether that be from like family members or social media and just just try and not be so in I was so overwhelmed with comparison and it just made me feel horrible so yeah I wish I could have just like quiet in the noise a little bit and I'm really trusted myself yeah we end the podcast with you completing three sentences the first one is being a mum means means everything it means everything and it means being filthy every day it's so you said filthy in a way that didn't mean just like messy it meant filthy filth covered in all things yeah like you're clean for about like if you have time to brush your teeth and comb your hair and maybe wash your face you're you're then clean for maybe like five minutes yeah and then like the hands just come at you and they're just full of stuff and you're like what even is that um so yeah embrace the filth and but being a mom is just everything it's just perfect like it's so it's that there's so much to say it's so like rich in every way but it just makes your life it made my life better yeah and sometimes when we're lost in the the heaviness of the responsibility and stuff I feel like there are those moments like I can remember so vividly one day you know having the three being really chaotic one was still in the prime going out for a walk and just seeing the other two just sort of run off in the in the park and just being quite joyous and full of life and fun and being children and just looking at tom being like this is why we do it yeah and it's those little moments that that are so powerful even if they last for 30 seconds before someone trips up you know that that kind of we know there's this this way that sits on us um but it's about kind of hanging on to those moments that happen along the way absolutely yeah next sentence is since having children I I want to say I found myself again again not even again I found myself for the first time I have found my voice I have I feel I have um like back at being able to confront so many things that I thought I wanted, that I was like seeking in life, that I was chasing.

1:13:53It's allowed me to just take a step back and observe and really get in touch with myself. And I'm really grateful for that. And it's a process and I'm in that process. But it's it's allowed me some feelings of peace when I've before felt so much so unstable yeah in like what my desires my like what I wanted from life yeah and now I feel a level of like calmness amongst the chaos and finally I'm happy when I'm happy when, and this is a genuine I'm happy, I'm happy when my toddler does a poo before bed. Every day we wait for the poo.

1:14:47Lydia West: Is this just me? Do you feel this? Maybe your kids are old enough. Yeah. But I wait for this poo. Like we eat meals. Yeah. and if he doesn't poo by the end of the day we're like he might poo at night that's not good and the next morning we're like he's going to be miserable because he's like he's constipated and he's holding it in and he's got to the stage where he only poos at home and it happens a lot around me so when my husband's just like alone with him I get home and I'm like has he pooed and he's like no not yet I'm like okay I have to spend at least an hour like playing with something focused anyway so that's currently our day we just wait for that and I don't know if any other parents can relate but it it feels so important in our household whether our child has poo is a really important thing in motherhood and I don't think we talk about it enough like whether it's your first poo they're like the amount of focus that is put on that child's poo and poo in general is mahusive.

1:15:52Lydia West: And you're really thinking about from the moment they're born, how many times it's happened. You're going to be asked about it. You're worrying about it. Are they feeding enough? Is their body working properly? And as they get to toddlers, like before, I'm not in potty training yet. I've decided to not go there yet. But I am waiting for that poo in that nappy because that will dictate whether I can sleep that night. Does it always happen or does it not always happen? No. We're happy if it's once a day. But it's been up to like three days. And the whole house is more miserable when he hasn't. Oh, bless him.

1:16:35It's such a trivial I'm happy when. No, it's important to you. It's important to me. And that's all that matters. And it actually, yeah. And it's not just the poo. It's everything else that comes with it. Exactly. It's a sign of health for us. and I'm like, he's healthy, okay, his system is working, we're good. Do you find it wild to think about how much your life has changed in the last four years? I'm like, you and your partner, you know, you weren't together that long when you felt pregnant. So even you two kind of evolving together and seeing these different sides of each other, your life now, I would imagine, is very different to how it was when you both started dating.

1:17:09Lydia West: It's so different and it really makes you like, it could just so easily have not worked. Like having kids with someone is such a crazy experience. And when it works and you're communicating and you're on the same page and your teammates, we always just look at each other. And we're like, how did we like two people in opposite sides of the world find each other and are on the same page? So having a partner and I have so much respect to single parents. I'm like single parent households with more than one child or just one child. Like you are doing it alone because you have sharing that responsibility with someone is so, so important and so beneficial.

1:17:52And I feel so lucky to have that. And yeah, we just wouldn't. This is just our life now.

1:17:59Lydia West: We're like, we go out for dinner alone and we're like, this is what it used to be like. When we actually can like eat our food and not be, we were like, we were comparing ourselves. We're like entertainers. Slash. like motivators slash staff slash like prisoners at mealtimes and like we're also being abused and being thrown broccoli at so it's crazy that's so nice to take a bit of time for you yeah yeah important lydia i've loved chatting to you i've loved chatting so much thank you thank you for like the space to be just so open and yeah it's really important it this podcast really helped me in pregnancy and I would listen to certain episodes about hyperemesis and maternal mental health and I'd be like oh I'm not alone so yeah thank you

1:19:02hello it's me just checking in wondering whether you've listened to our new podcast Life of a Midwife? Well, if you haven't, why not join us as we honour the people who have helped support, guide and deliver life's most miraculous moments. Listen every Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts.

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