Nutritionist GQ Jordan: "recovering from a c-section changed my attitude to health"

0:00Also, I feel like something, sorry. Now, I'm going to stop talking about Liliana now. Are you though? Are you? Do we have to? Every now and then though, during this next hour and a half, we're just going to, in our heads, hear a line. I didn't know it was a pussy palace, pussy palace, pussy palace.

0:22Hello and welcome to a brand new episode of Happy Mum, Happy Baby, the podcast. Today's guest is a nutritionist. She is part of the supportive eating movement. She specialises in hormone balance, metabolic health, sustainable well-being and combining empathy with expertise. That is her place online and I absolutely love watching it. She's also mum to one little boy named Quinn. Today's guest is GQ Jordan. Thank you, sir. That was a lovely intro. Well, do you know what? I don't usually read my intros, but then there were so many parts of it. I was like, if I get that wrong, I would go, yeah, there's no way I could contain that in my head.

1:00but there's so many different parts of what you do. And when we first spoke about you as a team, as the Happy Mum, Happy Baby team,

1:09obviously we could have had you on as an SOS guest and talked about nutrition in that way and kind of gone down the route of having people sending questions and kind of going, what are we doing? But actually I think what makes you really incredible is the fact that you put so much of yourself into what you create. Do you know what I mean? I think you lead by heart. I do, I do. Yeah, from experience. And that's thank you for that intro. But it's exactly that. It's my whole approach is based off experience. You know, I am a mum of three years now and I've been there when I'm eating crusts of toast off my son's plate because I haven't had breakfast that morning or I'm running on empty and fumes.

1:51And this whole approach, my whole approach and how I try to help people is because of that, because I know what it feels like. I've been there and I want to meet people where they're at. I think that's the important thing because I think a lot of things online, it's just so noisy out there. There's so many opinions, so many divisive opinions, so much information. Like we have more information at our fingertips than ever. And that should be a good thing. It should be like confidence building, but it has the opposite effect. We are like paralyzed. Well, because I guess you've got a lot of people who want to basically come up with the next big thing that people can get behind and follow.

2:26But that's where you get fads from. Yes. Actually, if you're looking at someone's lifestyle and making, adapting your life in a way or putting things into your life so you don't feel like you have to have a massive overhaul. Yeah, that's that's got to have some more sustainability to it. You're going to stick to that because you're you're not just kind of going, I can't ever have anything I like or feel like there's a massive pressure. Because I think when you're you're feeling under pressure and it's a case of willpower, willpower can only last so long. 100 % like it's finite we cannot be we cannot be consistent with that because that's just how it goes we can't always be up you know our hormones don't work that way we need peaks to have troughs troughs have peaks and that's kind of that's my approach sustainable small shifts that lead to big changes and it's all about shifting our focus away from that restrictive behavior away from that divisive those divisive opinions we might see online and more towards nourishment adding into our diet rather than taking away like what can I do in my in the day or my next decision my next meal what can I add that will support me that will help me feel a little bit better and that's not saying like avoid the pastries it's saying have the pastries because they serve pastry this morning I love pastries yeah pastries are great go get a pastry that's your nutritionist telling you that but that's it like food serves us in so many ways more than fuel yeah it serves us in joy culture connection and that's something that I really like to share because I am Irish I've lived away from we're chatting this morning about this I've lived in the UK for 13 years now and it's really important to me even more since becoming a mum actually sharing my culture with my son and getting him involved so a lot of my favourite times together with him is sitting him up on the worktop and baking you know some kind of Irish twist on things whether that's brown bread or this week I made barren brack which is kind of like a fruit loaf yeah and just sharing those small little things because it brings up memories that you maybe didn't realize you'd hold on to and that's about that it's more than fuel it's connection culture joy care you know you name it it gives it to you and it's important to recognize that I feel like you can really tell that when you're creating stuff when you're putting food together like watching your videos it feels that way it feels like you're really enjoying what you're doing and I love this this strand that you're doing where you'll take a lot of a viral recipe online kind of again let's see if we can let's see what it's actually like and let's see if we can elevate it a little bit so it serves us I love it I have to be honest I love it too but sometimes do you ever do one that you're just like this isn't going to work and it is actually awful there yes there was there are a few there are a few that have gone wrong and I also hate waste so I always try to make it work and then there was I will eat it literally there was like it was like a greek yogurt bath cake or something I made a few months ago and like it was a lot of greek yogurt which I absolutely love and it's you know the Faye brand is very expensive you know it's it's an investment I think so there I was like five days later trying to like weave that into my breakfast I was like oh my gosh cannot waste maybe it's yeah I don't know what that that thing is in me but I do love doing that because I think what I'd like people to take away from my content is a sense of encouragement maybe confidence in the kitchen because you don't my idea about recipes are they're a framework you know they give you you get a framework and then you tweak it to you know suit you suit your needs so some people you know someone might need an extra bit of omega-3 in their diet so they tweak it that way but even if you don't have all of the ingredients of a recipe just kind of thinking creatively about it and getting interested in getting your it's getting stuck in um let's talk about you and your childhood obviously you grew up in ireland like what was your childhood like really lovely like oh I loved growing up I grew up in Waterford in Ireland and it's by the sea and you're like 10 minutes away from five different beaches if not more and yeah my family are just amazing and and actually like talking about my childhood and like talking about how I got into nutrition actually kind of overlaps in a way because when we were really young kids my brother was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and celiac disease which I don't know how my mum managed because back then it was a different beast.

6:41And like not much information and not much support. So I've got the utmost respect for my parents for dealing with that because like now I've seen my son and I'm like, oh, they're just so helpless and vulnerable and rely on you. But from that early age, I saw that, you know, food could be a really complicated thing, but also really, you know, it's medicine in a way. So that kind of was the seed that was planted when I was a really young child. It's not a healthy attitude to have towards food. You know, when I think back to my childhood, I saw food as a thing that made people put on weight. It was either good food, bad food.

7:17It was, you know, trying to do Mr. Motivator so that, you know, you didn't... So that you were slim, basically. And so for me, that was my... Apart from the Italian side, actually, where we just all... Food was everything, you know? You sat around a big table, you ate, and it was a massive part of socialising. And so it's really interesting that your childhood gave you this amazing view, I think, on food. No, definitely. And I think what I remember was feeling really confused, though, as well, because my type 1 diabetes back then for such a small child that when my brother was that age, it was a confusing time.

7:59And knowing that, I just remember at those mini Mars bars, my mum having those for when he had like a low. And I really wanted it. I really wanted one of them one day and I was like humans get weak too you know mum so just like being kind of confused about what it is but I think yeah it was a really healthy approach that planted that seed for me and then I went on I ran from the age of I mean everyone runs but I ran competitively from the age of like 7 to 18 and that again food came into it You know, food was fuel. You had to fuel a right to, you know, get your PBs, to win your races, to recover from your races and to train properly.

8:43So it was always there. But just the two of you, sibling-wise? It was four of us. Classic Irish family. And I'm the youngest. I'm really okay. Yeah, so it was, I love my family. They're all great. It's funny because my husband thinks we're all really close. It's not a day that doesn't go by where I'm like going through, oh, who's available? like go through the list if no one's just when you're out for your walk I'm like I think it's I think it's healthy yeah I do yeah no it's great it's great it's like a nice little support system yeah and even though we all live away from each other like we're so close we're so so do the other three still live in Ireland or have they moved away so actually yeah my eldest brother lives in Galway my sister lives in Dublin and my brother own lives in Edinburgh Ah, okay At one point we were all in different parts of the world but everyone seems to have come back since having kids and wanting to get closer to home and closer to family because it's just important to us I always feel like for the parents of big families when everyone does dissipate like that and go to different countries it must be like, there's an empty nest but then there's kind of a bit like well, I thought I'd have something to show up What did I do?

9:55It's a good thing really because you've encouraged them to go off and live their lives and have the confidence to do that. But the flip side of it, it must just be like a very, like, oh, maybe they'll come back. It's like, oh, yeah, I'm sure they'll come back. Yeah, it is. Hey, they got to visit other places. Isn't that great? Isn't that lovely? Did you ever, when you were younger, did you ever look to the future and think, I'd like a big family of my own? Yes, I was like, my husband's one of four as well. Oh, how amazing. Yeah, yeah. So when we got married, we were like, yeah, four would be great.

10:29Then we had one and we're like, two's great. Two's fine. One of each, ideally. And then we're done. Yeah, I just think I'd love that. Just because, you know, I don't know if you come from a big family. I'm like a three and I have three. Amazing. So it's like just thinking about how you grow up with cousins around the table or just like those family gatherings. You always want to kind of emulate that because that's what you know. Yeah. But like, I don't know, I think when it when it comes to family now, I've got way more of an open approach because, you know, you go into maybe not even getting married because that's not a prerequisite at all.

11:09But like going into starting a family and you've got these ideas in your head, but you can't plan anything. You can't, you know, you can't. When the time came for you to to start trying, did it feel like a big moment to kind of go and this is the time is now? or were you just kind of like relaxed into it kind of let just see what happens a little no I wasn't very relaxed let's be honest no I was at the start at the start I was like oh this is so yeah I'm such a chill chill girl to my husband before he like realised I was actually quite like organised and all I did but we got married I came off the pill see and then my period disappeared for a few years yeah and which so many people I mean I don't know how old you were when you started the pill but I started when I was 16 and I came off it when I was 26 and I didn't have a period for a year but you also don't know what was going on with your body during that time either absolutely and yeah I wasn't on it for as long but it was just and I read up you know I knew that that might happen there might be delay and you just have to look after yourself grand and then after a year or so or earlier than that I just went to my doctor I was like I need to get some tests done I want to know exactly what's going on in my body clearly there's something not right something didn't feel right um and you're already working in nutrition at this point no I was working in the pharmaceutical industry actually um I worked in the pharmaceutical industry like for the first decade of my professional life and um actually mostly in like chronic diseases diabetes obesity all of that um and it was during that time that you know I got married I came off the pill I was thinking about preparing my body for healthy pregnancies down the road.

12:47It wasn't that we wanted to have kids straight away. I was just being quite like pragmatic, I guess. But I really had to advocate for myself. And I hear that a lot, you know, and it's really sad that that was a good few years ago now. And it's still the case for many women. But I knew something wasn't right. And when I got diagnosed with PCOS. At what point did you get diagnosed with that? When you started trying? Yeah, when I started trying or when we were trying, I didn't have a period. So I was kind of like, oh, that's gone out the window. But it was a couple of years down the road. It took me about two and a half years to get diagnosed.

13:20And that was me pushing for appointments, me going private, me, you know, and I was told to come back when I wanted to have kids. I was like, but that's why I'm here. And also that advice just doesn't really cut it. I'm the whole I don't feel well. It's I don't feel myself. I shouldn't be reduced to my, you know, reproductive abilities. I am a person. if I'm not feeling 100 % then I need to address it and that's where there was this massive gap I have PCOS and I've got to say when I was diagnosed I had exactly the same thing I was basically given a leaflet and it's that thing of so what about my fertility and it was a bit like we don't have to worry about that yet but there's nothing for the symptoms that are actually happening in that moment absolutely there's no there wasn't any support and and also that thing of but I do want to have kids so how what what is what we're doing here yeah absolutely because like there's you don't want to just wait and see you want to be proactive and I think that's where there is a massive gap in our kind of what would you call it well between medicine medicine is so important and it saves lives and it's really good for like conditions that have specific treatments or infections or broken bones or whatever but when it comes to that like day-to-day that impact on our quality of life like we're talking about there is a massive gap and then on the other side we have wellness and that's over promises and under delivers yeah and that gap is where I want my kind of approach to sit that's so I feel like sometimes with the wellness thing there's almost an element of well you're not doing well that's good enough yeah it's like oh well it must be you it's not us yeah elitist where there does have to be a crossover absolutely and that's where that's why I want to meet people where they're at because there's this massive gap and you can do things every day you can nutrition isn't something the satellite you know smoke and mirrors kind of thing that floats around the outside that we don't really understand it's something that we do every day and it's something that we interact with food at multiple times of the day we can just start tweaking small shifts laddering up to big changes where we feel that and it doesn't have to be huge It doesn't have to be Instagram perfect.

15:32It doesn't have to be, you know, whatever. It just has to be something that's steady, that's sustainable and that's doable. You know, how did you feel when you had your PCOS diagnosis? Oh, hit by a train because I when you were talking about when you were diagnosed, given a leaflet, I remember being in the doctor's office and there was a trainee doctor there. and I was talking to this consultant. And I was like, but what can I do? Like, there must be something in my diet that I can do every day that will support it. And she was like, no, sorry, you have to leave now. And the trainee doctor was like, mouthing, I'm sorry.

16:12I was just like left in the lurch. Absolutely. And that's actually the moment that I decided to retrain as a nutritional therapist because I wanted to take back control in a sense because I knew from, you know, some research that I'd done to that point, because if you think I had two and a half years to try to figure things out, and I knew the power, there was something there. And that's when I retrained. Also, a lot of conversation, especially if I'm looking sort of 12, 13 years ago, a lot of the conversation around PCOS was all the stuff that you're not allowed to eat. Yes. I felt like it was a constant no, no, no, no, no, no, no, with no one telling you what you can eat.

16:51And so it felt like I was constantly not able to, it felt like there was just blocks everywhere. Yeah, it's restrictive. It was that restrictive language again that we see so many, you see everywhere now. But I think with restriction and having that mindset of like no's and can'ts and cuts out and all of that, your world closes, your opportunities close, your social interactions close. it has like again food has such an impact on everything so when we think about what we can add in it opens up opportunity our world opens up it's not thinking about shoulds you know shoulds or shouldn'ts it's like okay I can do this what can I add in in this meal that's going to help me feel better what it's it's just it opens it up in my opinion yeah absolutely yeah did you because obviously I know the goal was to to get pregnant but did you feel different differently within yourself even just trying to manage the PCOS with what you're eating?

17:50Oh yeah 100 % because up until that point I think it was around the time like I've always been into fitness as I've talked about and up until my kind of diagnosis I was always kind of relying on say social media or the media for my health advice and it was and as we know there's lots of cycles of different fad diets. There's the keto, there's the paleo at the time, there was carnivore, whatever, you name it. And I was like, oh, I'll give it a go. And that just created so much inflammation in my body. Oh my God, I remember that time when I was kind of without my period, just feeling so inflamed and foggy, like brain fog.

18:33And that was all inflammation, you know. So once I started to think about nourishing and, you know, following that anti-inflammatory diet, lots of oily fish, you know, like kind of Mediterranean style, I think is the best way to describe it. And then, you know, targeted supplements. I felt so much better. It's like that fog clears. You start to feel capable. Fitness and movement is so important to me. So just feeling like strong and, you know, you know, those key indicators in your everyday that actually make a difference, not like, say, numbers on a scale. like your energy being sustained your sleep being deep and restful waking up feeling ready to go interacting with my husband in a pleasant way I'm always pleasant I don't know you say that but um you know just being able to manage things it's resilience I think you know that kind of nervous system regulation is probably what I'd call it because when we have a calm nervous system we're able to deal with things a lot better and you know different types of stress not just you know say work stress or rc email from your boss or whatever it is it's about um being able to feel that that inner strength i suppose i felt so much so much different after kind of focusing on nourishment

19:59so carrying on through your sort of journey to to get pregnant with Quinn you decided you ended up having to go down the IUI yeah correct yeah we went with assisted conception because it was all kind of overlapping I was retraining I was working full-time jobs studying at night and at weekends doing a full-time course and it was uh then trying to get pregnant I like to do things all at the same time uh going back to that dopamine addiction i'm joking um but yeah we did the assisted conception iui and we had three failed attempts because medication wasn't administered right so we had to like cancel them we didn't even get to try which was really frustrating and going through all those drugs and everything um and then it was yeah the month after after that i fell pregnant it's always that thing isn't it it's like oh when you stop trying you get you get pregnant and i'm like I don't like that but it's kind of true but yeah yeah but it's that thing isn't it everyone's saying just relax if you just relax it will happen well how do you relax when that's what you desperately exactly when it's the one thing that you want yeah how are you going to relax it's the one thing you think about and going through the IUI and that not working I think when you kind of go well this is the answer it's really it must have been really difficult to kind of for that not to be the case especially when you're putting your body through so much having just found this sort of clarity in terms of nutrition yeah what I've learned is that I kind of touched on it before it's like when with motherhood you just you just have to roll with it because you have no control you have to try your best and that's enough yeah and even with the with all of the kind of assisted conception and more recently I've gone through IVF had failed transfers and in a kind of a waiting, not a waiting period, but a break period now.

21:48You just have to look after yourself and your little family. I think my main kind of thing is if you're OK, everyone else will be OK. Yeah, because you're kind of like the energy giver. So funny, every morning my son's like his job is to make his bed. Right. If he makes his bed, he gets a pan o 'chocolat there again. So he's like, mommy, can I have an energy hug so I can make my bed? It's just that you end up being the kind of the source, right? And all through these different, you know, fertility challenges, conception challenges. If I just kind of try to block out the noise with all the expectation.

22:32How did it feel when you found out you were pregnant with Quinn? Oh, God, it was lovely. It was just like the best day. I remember. I remember, I mean, it's so funny because I'm that kind of person who's like, I remember testing every day when you're like on, what, three days after ovulation. It's like, it's not going to show, but I'll keep testing. But yeah, finding it was amazing. Did you have an inkling then? Because obviously by that point you've kind of, the IUI has not worked. And so at this point, did you feel something changed? Because also your body's kind of trying to work its way back to your normal.

23:05It definitely felt different, but probably just because I had a lot of hormones kind of flushing out of it. So I just probably felt different, but I was probably putting it down to pregnancy. But it happened to be that. But it was amazing. And I had a healthy pregnancy. I really enjoyed it. And yeah, and then he came out and it was he's just gorgeous. He's just so cute. Did you enjoy did you enjoy being pregnant? in hindsight I did yeah yeah actually you know what you know what I did I did actually I I I wasn't able to run uh from like 10 weeks because I had uh pain like some kind of sciatica right um but like apart from that it was great like I felt really good uh my energy was good in the most bit did you have to substitute running with something else yeah it's like like a at home kind of because also I guess it's that thing of knowing what running gives you yeah kind of going well I can't do that and then just taking it away you've got to bring something oh I had to substitute 100 % yeah I need movement as part of my like my mental health kind of like care um so I was cycling which which was great like it's just yeah it's subbing something else in but yeah no pregnancy was great uh and then you know you go into the birth well how did you feel How did you feel about the birth before you got there?

24:28Oh, I was, I again was just like, I was just rolling with it. I was, my kind of approach, because you know, as the weeks go on, you're following the app and it's like, oh, it's an avocado. Oh, it's a melon. And you're just like, hey, is this thing coming out? I went over and I was induced. So it kind of ruled out, you know, certain plans. But even before that point, did you have any expectations of what it would be like or what you thought you would be like in it? I suppose I like to think that I'm a strong person and I didn't have expectations no I went into it with a kind of open open mind because you just don't know what's going to happen and I kind of had the approach I was I think we had Quinn and Chelsea Westminster and I was really confident with the team there there's such a great great care so it's like I'm in the best hands so whatever happens happens I'm just giving over to a process and sometimes it's just nice to give over to the process isn't it because it's just like I can follow a plan I can do as I'm told and I'll do that and um no I had no expectations I just kind of went into it uh really open and yeah just just get that baby out healthy you know once it's healthy and happy I'm I'm good like that's it and I kind of took that approach to you know pain relief as well it's like I wanted to go into motherhood feeling the best version of myself because that's birth is just the beginning yeah you need to be you know present afterwards and recover well so um yeah no I was just open to to the care and open to the expertise that I was kind of handing over to how did you feel when you stepped into being overdue because there's always that thing is I feel like that date yeah I think the best thing I was ever told in my first pregnancy was that it's a five-week window.

26:11Okay. Yeah, actually. So from 37 to 42 weeks, you've got a five-week window. You don't have to tell anyone your due date. It's within that period. Yeah. I wish I heard that. I wish I heard that. You're kind of just seeing it as a more fluid thing rather than a finite day, but that's the day. We went, I remember going for a scan at like 36 weeks, just an elective scan. and the sonographer who said he was I think he was a Polish sonographer but when he was practicing in Poland he was like obstetrics and everything so he would do this scan and he was like this baby is coming in two weeks and my husband and I were just like oh god we don't have anything prepped sure I would yeah as you said I was another four weeks it was just like But you hang on to things like that though When a midwife goes, oh, he's very low.

27:04They're very low. It really put a fire under my husband. And he got the crib. He got all the furniture. It was the best thing that could have happened, to be honest. But, you know, when you start going over, you're doing all of the things you read online. Oh, the raspberry leaf tea. The stepping, going on steps sideways or going upstairs sideways. I've heard that one. Oh, here, I was deep diving. I was in a rabbit hole. It was Reddit. But all these things. But, you know, it just happens when it happens. And that's the gift of hindsight, isn't it? It's like you just, you're just so excited. And especially it was my first kid, so I couldn't wait to meet him.

27:35But so much stuff wraps up ahead of a baby's arrival. You know, you kind of go, okay, so I'm going to do this for the final time before the baby arrives. Final time. And then if 10 days, you're still like, I'm going to do that again because it wasn't quite the final time yet. You know, that must have felt like quite a long wait. Absolutely. Oh, it's the longest, the longest two weeks, you know, of your life because I had over by two weeks. oh it's just a slog and you're getting more uncomfortable and then you're like the baby's only getting bigger um you know so yeah that's like come on let's go let's get things moving but yeah um it's funny yeah I haven't thought about that time in a while now that you're bringing it back to me yeah yeah it was uh it was it was a long two weeks so when you went in you knew you were going in at that point for an induction yeah they were kind of like let's get It's time.

28:26Let's get things moving. Yeah. How did that feel? Good. Yeah, I remember getting up early. We were in there for half seven. And it just, I was induced, but nothing was really making things moving. So eventually it did. And it was a long enough birth, 24 hours. But it ended up in an emergency C-section. So you tried to break your waters three times? Yeah. God, you do your research. They did. And it was so aggressive that that my cervix was swollen instead of dilating. So I was getting contractions every two, one and a half, two minutes for 60 hours. I was very, I was. Yeah, it was it was pretty rough.

29:15But once the decision was made to do the emergency C-section, I think the emergency makes it sound really like dramatic. but actually it was the most calm experience. Oh, it was like night and day. We went, the decision was made and then within half an hour, 10 minutes I was in the theatre and then within half an hour, Quinn was here. And it was, that's kind of, I don't want to say, like when I say emergency, I just want to, you know, it was actually such a nice, good decision for us. And it was an emergency, but not in a, everyone's panicking. Exactly. Because emergency in the sense that it wasn't planned.

29:50That's why they use that word there. But it was a really lovely experience. That's a really good distinction to make as well. There's so many people end up going down that route. That doesn't mean that anything's... No, that was actually the calmest time of my whole week. Yeah. And it was, we had our playlist on. You know, we didn't have the playlist, like, organised because it wasn't a plan. So Quinn was born to, what was it? Dark Side of the Moon. Dark Side of the Moon. Oh, and then whenever I hear that now, it's just like, oh, heartstrings. So would that not have been your choice or are you just so thrilled that that is where you've landed?

30:25On the playlist there was a lot of like electric ice music as well. So it was nice that it landed on, you know, on that one. It was a bit more chill. Well, it's always going to come on. Do you know what I mean? A wedding. Oh, it's a tune. Oh, yeah. And you can just be like, oh, yeah. Yeah, it's just a happy song. Happy song. And then, yeah, it's, I think the, I didn't realise the cesarean, you know, obviously it was such a great experience, but I didn't realise the recovery would be of a heavy lift, I suppose. Because it is like, you know, you hear it, it is major surgery, you know. Well, how did it actually feel having the C-section?

31:00Like literally always? Yeah. I mean, you're being pulled around a lot and, you know, you can't see anything. And it's just a bit, it is quite a physical experience, you know. it's not like you know you go in for well usually in a surgery of that kind of multitude you would be put under obviously you can't you don't want to do that when you're doing a c-section but it is physical you can feel the pulling you can feel uh the baby kind of coming in not not actually but in the sense of your whole body yeah being moved um but yeah it was again once I kind of was doing deep breathing because it's a new experience and seeing Quinn he literally came out and I was like oh he's a Jordan because he has his dad's nose but yeah it was great and the team there Is Quinn the Q?

31:56Yeah in GQ Oh! How did I manage to name my firstborn son after me? I snucked that one by didn't I? He might know now whoops but yeah it's the Quinn so my name is Grainne Quinn Jordan And then Quinn. Yeah. Sweet. That's really... If I do say so myself. I think that's gorgeous. I think that's gorgeous. And he's always a part of what you do as well. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. So gorgeous. So gorgeous. Did the recovery surprise you? Yeah. I think recovering from that C-section really changed my approach to health. Again, after, you know, I have had like multiple kind of experiences, whether it was the fertility challenges and getting pregnant.

32:44And but after having Quinn, it's your body has gone through so much. And even though I'm I was a professional, I was a nutritionist, actually putting your professional hat on when you're going through it yourself is another story, you know. and I'm a doer to my own detriment and postpartum I think because I was trying to do everything I got like sucked into that whole thing of you know you should do this or maybe I should be up I should be out I should be doing baby classes I should do like catching up with my my baby group um or going for walks or whatever it is and I really lost sight of the foundational like habits that I preach now um you know eating breakfast that just go like it's the first thing to go but it's actually the most important thing were you surprised by things like that because obviously everything like that has a knock-on effect of how you can manage throughout the day but as someone who does what you do were you surprised by how easy it is to kind of for those things to to slip yeah so easy it's so easy because your morning can fly by when you've got a newborn it just goes between feeding whatever way you're feeding it's prepping a bottle it's like breastfeeding it's timing naps whatever then before you know it it's 11 and you've been up since 6 37 and you're running on fumes your body's trying to recover it's you know it's so important so easy to let that slide but so it's so important to reinstate that yeah and like even like i say now to my friends who are having kids like you know if your partner is offering a hand if you have five minutes prep my breakfast for the next few days because even if you have something just quick easy to grab while you're feeding or while you're doing xyz having that in place changes the whole scope of your day like you said it's it sets the tone um and I think in motherhood you're like running at a different frequency you're like you're multitasker extraordinaire you're able to do 10 million things at once and that's just because you can doesn't mean you should yeah um I think slowing down is the is the thing that when when I go through my next pregnancy hopefully I will slow down just you know slowing down to speed up because that those first 12 I'd even say nearly a year after having your child because you're still recovering your body is still you know repairing and replenishing and everything like that I think slowing down is the only way you will speed up your recovery over time and you know it's so hard to do isn't it because it comes at a time where your life has changed and you want to be you've got you've got this new role that you've never done before and you want to be the best at it I know so you've got all these preconceived ideas of what that looks like and you just go yeah yeah 100 % and I was definitely doing that and then at like I think I had a really kind of turbulent experience of breastfeeding and again I you know we're talking about my birth plan.

35:54It's like I was already open and I went into, you know, postpartum with that openness as well when it came to feeding, the conversation around feeding. And, you know, I wanted to just have an open mind. But when it came down to it, there was something switched that went on in my head that I was like, I must breastfeed at all costs. And I don't know whether it was a fight or flight thing. I was in A &E with mastitis on day three. and it's so painful. But I still, and then Quinn wouldn't take the bottle so I had to express. And that just adds another thing to your mental load, like the cleaning, the sterilisation, all of that.

36:34And it wasn't until, say, around the four months mark that I gave up. I say I gave up, we switched to formula. And gosh, it was... Even that language, giving up, feeling like you failed it. It's such bad, I need to let change my mind. No, no, it's not. You don't have to change it because I think actually only when we recognise that that language is used do we really break down how women are made to feel when certain things don't go as they hoped they would. You know, and that can be really tough. So many women really struggle with that. That's why Have a Mum, Have a Baby is called that because I was at a point at six weeks where I was just so depleted.

37:10And, you know, Buzz would be up for it would take an hour and a half to feed him, change him, do all that stuff, get him back to sleep. And then it'd be up like 40 minutes later and I have to do it all again. And when you're not sleeping and you're like constantly struggling to it's such a hard place to be. It's so hard. So how people are made to feel guilty and ashamed when it's not going, you know, as in a place that they hoped it would. It's really hard. Absolutely. And then you've got so many lenses. Your your mindset is different. And, you know, you're you're kind of set up to fail in a way if it doesn't go to that type A kind of route.

37:54But yeah, no. So, yeah, for me that when I. Switched. Yes. Language change. God, it was like a dark cloud lifted. Really? I didn't realize I did realize it because I didn't feel like myself and I I was reactive and I I wasn't enjoying things. I was so depleted. I was so depleted. I was anxious. I was angry. And I just kept on because I'm very tenacious. And I just kept going. And it was my mom who was like, you don't need to do this. Why not just give it a break? You've done such an amazing job. I think there's something when other people say it rather than it's just being on us. You know what I mean?

38:37And isn't that bad in itself that it takes someone else to kind of go, you've got to be kind to yourself. Yeah. actually and what you're doing is not helping you which in turn is not helping your child yeah yeah yeah it's going back to that thing if you're okay like the name of the podcast if you're okay everyone else's it radiates out it's it's um not not pouring from an empty cup that phrase so I just I felt a release uh uh I could leave the bags down and I just felt lighter after that and I felt like myself and I started to enjoy things. I refocused on nourishing myself. And again, the world just opened up.

39:15Like my days weren't me dragging myself through. It was looking forward to things. And, you know, just it changes your whole perspective when you feel good and have the right balance of, you know, whether it's nutrients and rest. I just think that there should be a lot more care for women in that postpartum period. Like, you know, what I love about the NHS is when you call up with something wrong with your baby, they are like, we are looking after, we are sending an ambulance, we are bringing you in, Amy. So thorough. I think if a woman in their first 12 weeks after a baby rings up, they should get an ambulance out and look after them a little bit more.

39:55Yes. And I appreciate that there's so much pressure there with the system, obviously, not to detract from that. But it's just, yeah, there needs to be a conversation, I think, around or just an emphasis more on the care for the mother after having a baby because it's not something to be, what's the word, brushed over. Yeah. I've been seeing content online recently about like, and it's probably my deep dive of like, you know, nutrition and viral videos. But like the bounce back, the term bounce back is coming back. Oh, was this a guy that did it? I think maybe, yeah. There was a couple of guys.

40:36And it's just... First of all, guys talking about women bouncing back have no place at all to be talking about it. I know, I know. But all that language, I feel like it's coming back. A lot of that 90s, 90s. Which is awful, isn't it? Because we saw that at the time. And then you've got amazing people, you know, like Em and Alex, who are kind of doing so much to kind of get rid of all that language. And now it's kind of... It's spiking back up. Yeah. Yeah, food is becoming something that is there to be kind of to maybe trick your body almost to like, it's just the conversation around weight being the main focus of someone.

41:14And I don't know, I just, I'm allergic to it. I'm just good that you're calling it out all the time. Yeah, there's so much more to like, like, I kind of mentioned before, you know, when you're on whatever your goal is, and there's no shame in wanting to lose weight, especially if it's for, you know, your health reasons. or just your confidence, but also like focusing on rather than focusing on a number on a scales, which really doesn't impact how you experience your day to day. Rather than that, focus on how your energy is. Focus on, again, your interactions, your ability to handle stress, your sleep, going into those things that actually matter to you day to day.

41:54And if you can focus on, you know, tweaking those, then your, you know, weight loss or weight management journey will be will be more easy and a lot more healthy. Because, yeah, it's not the be all and end all.

42:16Obviously, we've talked about the fact that you are now trying to expand your family. when you started going down that route were you even obviously I know you had quite the road with Quinn but did you expect it to kind of no naivety it's like oh I've had a baby I can do it my body knows what to do but again like so many bodies do different things right some bodies are like yeah I know what I'm doing now but secondly in Pacific you hear about it so much but you just don't know where your body's going to go until you start trying exactly and I think it's important to say here as well it's not just the female it's 50-50 it takes two to tango so it's not just to put that in there because I think a lot of the time there is that kind of like it's the female it's not always and yeah I thought it would be like great I'll get pregnant it'll be easy my body knows what to do and like my whole cycle was so regular it's like regular now it's like yeah yeah yeah it's like clockwork that kind of thing so I thought it would be an easy kind of transition but no it took us um over a year to get pregnant after for our second and then um unfortunately that ended in a miscarriage of 15 weeks 14 and a half 15 weeks which was oh heartbreak yeah you said that you didn't understand pregnancy loss until it happened to you god you just don't i remember speaking to my mum before i got pregnant that time and just be like I just know that well I just need to get pregnant and my body will hold on to it and it's nothing just some pregnancies just they you know they just don't continue and that's something we unfortunately don't know much about you know um which doesn't help when you're trying to process it obviously but I I didn't because you know we had it was like an unfortunate timing timing kind of a timeline I should say because I had my 12-week scan everything looks good we go off for a Christmas holiday and then we're out in Cape Town with my in-laws and New Year's Day I noticed some spotting and I'm just like I just want to go to the hospital I just want to go see a doctor I just want everything to be checked and then I can I can be relaxed and my husband and I going into the A &E there and it was obviously um it was an overworked doctor at the holiday season so you go on the bed he's like I don't see a heartbeat and I was like okay so do you need to change the machine uh like is it like it looks old I didn't even register with me and he was like yeah no heartbeat and I was like okay yeah do you should we go talk to the your colleague to get any like I just didn't even register but yeah he was just like there's no heartbeat let's go like you're gone so I was just like um can we talk to someone else and it still didn't register that this is what he was telling me and we went back out to the waiting room and the the lead gynecologist was called uh from home because it was obviously the holiday season and it wasn't until we're sitting there we're like did did that mean that no it couldn't everything was fine on the 12 week everything's fine it's just the old machinery and then we went into the the specialist's office and he was just like yes I'm sorry yeah you lost your baby your baby and it was just seeing the scan um it's just ingrained in my memory no heartbeat yeah being told in that way as well like even if you don't understand what you're being told just being able to replay that kind of going that is someone telling you that news with no heart no empathy yeah it was oh it was I will never forget that feeling um literally like just pain um because we had found out it was a girl on Christmas Eve I have a video of us finding out and I just feel sorry for that version of me It's that, isn't it?

46:36It's that version that carries so much hope of what that future's going to be Yeah, just picturing my life with the little girl and we had named her and called her Crea which means heart in Irish and it's so appropriate because, yeah I said that on one of my posts, you know she'll forever be in our hearts Yeah Thank you absolutely it's just um a grief that just kind of yeah I would never wish it on anyone but I know that so many women go through it and it's just such a quiet grief because I mentioned this on on one of my videos recently it's it's one that doesn't have finality there's no closure because often say a woman might not even tell anyone so they might not even know that she's gone through it and she's holding on to this kind of like this heavy loss and it's it's just there are no words there are no words we we decided a few weeks after we're still in Cape Town we had um we did our own little ceremony to give ourselves that closure and say a few words and uh just try process it but it did you have to go into hospital to deliver yeah oh it's such it's so physical and so it was it was it was a lot more physical than I than I thought just from like yeah the blood loss and all of that kind of thing um yeah it's it was a lot because I was so far along well not so far along but you know what I I mean, I was at the 14, 15-week mark.

48:22It was just a bigger ordeal, I suppose. And being somewhere completely different, not being at home, you know, being in a different country, there's so much more to factor in within that. When we flew home as well, yeah, not being near my mum, which she's such a rock for me, but obviously we were able to talk to everyone I know, but in a way we were in the sunshine and that definitely helped my recovery. I know there's a lot to be said about vitamin D when you're going through anything. But it was getting a flight home where you're flying and you can see, you know, we had our ceremony up on Lion's Head.

49:05So flying out, seeing Lion's Head, and then it was just like saying goodbye all over again. and flying out when flying in looked the future looks so different when you were going on that holiday oh yeah whereas coming home it's a very different outlook absolutely absolutely you just have to oh it was just emptiness it's just just really it's just a really sad thing and that's not very articulate but I don't think yeah it's just it's just that emptiness that sheer loss and I think when it came to when we came home and everything and trying to get back into the swing of things I didn't try to get back into the swing of things I think for me anyway grief just slowed me down it just had that like it just slowed down my capacity my ability to see friends my ability to do any work to think about what we're eating and I just leant into that because clearly it was my body telling me that it needed to do that.

50:12Like it was a protective thing. And I did some therapy that was so good to just, just because I like speaking. I like sharing my feelings. I like talking about things. It's how I process it. When I don't, it just gets bottled up and starts to just, yeah, grow legs and turn into something a bit dark. So that was really important and a good move for me, I suppose, because I knew that that wasn't the end of my journey that I wanted to try get pregnant again so I wanted to be in the best headspace for that because obviously pregnancy is no longer something that is you know just input equals output you're getting you know now there are things you know milestones throughout it that might cause me anxiety and I wanted to kind of take that tackle that before I just get ahead of it I suppose yeah yeah and then be there for my son obviously when you did um share your loss online the response was huge were you were you surprised by the the reaction or the fact that so many people would understand what your what you were going through I was really nervous to share it I was a bit apprehensive um because well I didn't want to upset anyone yeah but then also So I was like, well, this isn't this is what happened to me.

51:35It's not like I'm, you know, but I was I was surprised. The response was incredible. And it was really you know what? It was really lovely because. Actually, a lot of people that after I posted that video that of my experience had messaged me directly and said that they'd never actually shared their loss with other people. And I thought that was really sad. And I was just happy that that, I'm not baking myself up here, but just that, you know, there's an outlet there. And I think people should, people shouldn't do anything. You shouldn't have to do anything, but it's good to share. It's good to just have these conversations.

52:16And especially for, you know, the statistics are kind of staggering, like one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage. So just normalizing it in a way, because unfortunately it will happen to some people and it is a really sad thing. But I think if you it's kind of getting ahead of it, right, if you if even if it's, you know, part of the education of, you know, this will happen, this could happen to you. And if it does, it's a terrible thing. But, you know, this is what to expect instead of then it happening and you Googling like what's a do and see, you know, all these things. Yeah, absolutely.

52:56Yeah. The last year, how has your, because you talk about rebuilding, how has that felt? Difficult. I've got to say, I really appreciate the fact that you don't shy away from that. You know, with your content and what you share, you don't shy away from grief. You don't shy away from the rebuild that's going on, the fact that these things happen and we have to build ourselves back up. Yeah. Thank you. It just feels kind of natural because it just has had such an impact on my life. And it's now in my kind of mindset, it's not something that's happened to me. It's just part of my story now, which feels really good.

53:47And, you know, months after, if I look back to January when it happened to now, I just feel a lot more solid, which is really good. You know, that's a nice feeling. I think also to say that it's it has expanded my empathy as well, which is a really great thing to take away from it. Just, you know, I think every situation you go through experience that has an impact. And I think although it was a really negative, sad thing to happen, heartbreaking, it has changed me as well for the better in that sense. And yeah, the last year, it's been difficult. It's been really challenging. I feel like I've been just trucking along.

54:30I've been on a train that has to keep on going. And it is exhausting. and like I've been on medication since May and that's a really long time and my body feels it but I feel so lucky that I have the education the knowledge to like support myself through that and I've got a really great partner my husband's incredible my family too and you know it's kind of going back to what we talked about earlier just zooming out this is a tricky time I always say tricky to my son so I'm giggling now it's tricky it's a tricky time It's a challenging time, but when I zoom out and think about, you know, the result that we're going to get from it, because we are going to get that result, it's going to just be part of the journey.

55:22And it'll be something that I'm proud of that, you know, we went through something awful and we, our resilience was there and we just kept on going. which it's all you can do. Yeah. I think that's part of motherhood. You just keep on going. Has motherhood surprised you in that way? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I think, again, you just don't know until you go through it, isn't it? You're expanded in ways you didn't realise, both in like your love for this little, I was going to say creature, it's not like a demon. Yeah, but this little thing that comes and you're just like so enamoured by it and you'll do anything for that person.

56:07And it expands you in different ways, like your relationship changes and then trying to figure that out. And then I think it improves your communication. It can improve your communication with your partner if you give yourselves the space to kind of say, this is the first time we're doing this. We don't need to be experts. It will be difficult. But if we, I think with my husband, we definitely had like, as most couples do, a bomb go off in your relationship where you're like exhausted, depleted, argumentative. It's us versus me versus you. And then once we just kind of like took a break, take stock, we're on the same team here.

56:46It makes you realise how important communication is. It doesn't necessarily make that communication happen, but it makes you realise that actually we do need to communicate because that's the only way this is going to work without that resentment coming in and we're livening up 10 ,000 times and you go off it. You know, it's having those chats to kind of break down those noises that, you know, pop in and that kind of, you know, mutterings that are constantly in your head otherwise. 100%. It's like, you went out last week, I'm going in. No, it definitely, it just makes you a better communicator.

57:18And yeah, it just, it makes you a better multitasker, which again, but yeah, it changed me for the good. But obviously, again, there were plenty of junctures where I felt depleted, exhausted, angry, frustrated, resentful. What other words can I throw in? But at the end of the day, it is we are all just humans and doing this all for the first time. And I think once we cut each other some slack, cut yourself some slack, cut others some slack, everything becomes a lot easier. It's that expectation that we're told we should have, whether it's around motherhood and being the perfect parent. or whatever, the perfect wife, whatever.

57:59We just need to let go of those expectations because everyone's individual. Everyone has their own story, their own needs, their own, you know, demands. So to have those expectations, they're just not helpful. They're not. Leave them at the door. If you could write a letter on motherhood, who would it be to and what would you say? Yeah, I'd write it to myself before. I actually wrote one, written one? I wrote one. Have you? Yeah. When I was writing this, I was worried that I was going to cry on the podcast, but I've already done that. Spoiler alert. Yeah, I would like to write the letter to me before I was trying for a family.

58:42So I'm just going to jump in if that's okay. You're standing there thinking life is about to unfold just as you pictured it. And in many ways it will, but not in the order you expect. what's ahead will test you in ways you can't yet imagine there'll be moments that feel brutal times when you question your body, your strength, your trust in yourself there'll be days when it feels like everyone else is moving forward and you're standing still and there'll be heartbreak, the kind that cracks you open and rearranges who you are but, and this is the part I want you to hold on to it won't just be hard, it will also be beautiful You'll build a family filled with love and laughter.

59:25You'll learn that what actually makes you feel good isn't doing everything perfectly. It's allowing yourself to rest, to just be sometimes, to process and to heal. You'll realise that everything really does work out as it should, even if it's not what you planned. You'll find strength in sharing your weaknesses, your stability in the people around you, and you'll find a love that knows no bounds. and when it all does feel too much remember you don't have to do anything other than look after yourself because when you're okay your little family will be too that is so beautiful it's kind of cathartic isn't it this is like therapy how much do i owe you see the thing is i get free therapy all the time doing this it's amazing though it's that it's that talking it's it's but that's what you do online you open up these conversations you make people feel supported and they don't have to completely change their lives to be this better what is this better version of you I just think your approach is a breath of fresh air I really genuinely do so yeah thank you oh no thanks for having me this has been so wonderful and so wonderful to be a part of something that helps a lot of people out there so thank you well we end the podcast with you completing three sentences no No.

1:00:47The first one is being a mum means. I think being a mum means. I'm going to say, well, slowing down. I think that's what it means for me right now. And just kind of giving myself grace. It's funny, isn't it? I feel like that slowing down is something that we all need. But a time in the world where everything is so fast paced. yeah you everyone has to be doing everything instantly if someone if you don't message back someone they only think that you're annoyed you know that it's it's it's that it's very hard to kind of block all that out and kind of go well no this is my force field bubble and that's not serving me so let's just let's go at a pace that serves us absolutely absolutely i think yeah it's just yeah a hundred percent we don't need to do anything whether we're told it online and sometimes it kind of goes back to that not all content is made for us so it's like just thinking about what you your needs your family's needs and just running with that that's the focus and that's all that really matters all the other stuff is just noise tune it out absolutely uh next sentence is since having a child i i would say i've learned a new level of patience

1:02:11yeah I think it's I don't even know if that's it but it's since having a child I've just grown so much I've really I'm a different person than one I was before I had my son and more I talked about expanse feeling expansive after my miscarriage and all that's part of motherhood And I just feel like I have gained skills and depth and abilities in ways I never thought would be possible. And it's all just, it's hard, but it's amazing. I mean, I can't ever, I always look back to my mum of having three under five. You must look at your mum having four and kind of go, how did they do it? Gosh. I mean, I kind of understand now why mum used to give us her high heeled shoes and just put us in the garden and let us enjoy the clump clump for a little while.

1:03:09That is actually brilliant. You know what I mean? I understand that. I'll waste a few minutes. I'll get you busy. Who cares if my shoes get scuffed? It's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I think we even, I remember getting, I think I found a pair of shoes from like a charity shop or a jumble set, something like that for a pound. And they were my like clumping shoes. That is actually such a good idea. Oh, yeah. Well, that's my activity for the weekend then. Quinn, out you go. Throw on your heels. He does love wearing my lipstick, so it wouldn't be too far out of the realm of possibilities for him.

1:03:40So, yeah, that's great. There we go. And the final sentence is, I'm happy when? I'm happy when I'm... It's more of an image that I'm going to describe. I'm happy when I'm at home with nothing to do. My son is up on the kitchen counter. We're making, baking, stirring. Yeah, maybe it's brown bread. It's on my list today. And my husband's there relaxing. Maybe my mum's on the phone and we're just chatting and just being, not doing anything, just being. And that literally, I try to do that every week because it just gives me, it's an energy giver for me. It's creating memories. It's just being present.

1:04:26It's chatting about your week. it's talking to my mum and my dad and obviously my husband's there too I promise but it's just being I think that's what I've learned I'm such a doer and you know it's probably come out in what we've talked about I've always been brought up that way to do, do, do and that is a great trait it's served me so well but I think I'm practising just being now because that's what I need My oldest is 11 and I feel like I am still trying to learn and to do that because I think it's so easy when you've got a never-ending to-do list and that's of life of motherhood of work I think everything is constantly needing something from you there's always that list of emails yeah those school whatsapp there's always that list of stuff um so it's so hard to sort of block it all out and go no actually I don't want to just exist on the periphery I want to be living in the moment that's really nice yeah I like that Not on the periphery.

1:05:29Let's be in the thick of it. Yeah. Thank you so much. This has been such a delightful chat. Thank you. Likewise. Again, I feel lighter.