Pixie Lott: “I’m ready to have this baby… let’s make it happen RIGHT now!”

0:00I just feel like there's just lots going on at the moment. Just even just preparing things like the baby, Bert's birthday, music releases. No pressure. No pressure at all. I kind of just feel a bit manic.

0:15I don't know if it's because I just had a pumpkin spice latte. Hello and welcome to a brand new episode of Happy Mum, Happy Baby, the podcast. Today's guest is a huge UK artist. She has been a coach on The Voice Kids. She is mum to one little boy and very pregnant with another bubba. It's Pixie Lox. Hello, G. Hi. How are you? I'm really good, thank you. I'm very happy to be here. How are you? I'm good. I am loving the fact that you are very, very, very pregnant. I am. This is one of the last things that I'll be doing before I pop. Even though earlier I said I don't know how much more work I've got left, but I know we're nearly at the end.

0:57And this isn't work anyway. This is just our chatting away and having a lovely time. But, yeah, we're a couple of weeks away, depending on when the baby decides to say hi. I can remember recording an episode of this at 38 Weeks Pregnant with Emma Willis. Oh, this is the same as me then, yeah. Yeah, and Emma was the guest. Obviously, it's my podcast. But she was on talking about her midwifery programme. Yes. And Emma was spending so much time with me around that time because she was desperate to be there when my waters eventually broke or when something started to happen. I know, I could tell the whole way through that episode.

1:33It didn't happen on that episode. No. Is it going to happen to me? She was just so ready to get things going. Yeah, I bet. How are you feeling? I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good. I feel like, I actually, this pregnancy, I had the morning sickness in the first trimester, which I didn't have the first time around. Not actually physically, but just felt very sick and so tired. And I was working. And that's the time when no one knows you're pregnant as well. keep it all in and then the second trimester got all the energy that was fine, loved it been doing festivals all summer and now I feel like that is starting to fade off a little bit now that we're on the home stretch so I'm starting to feel it a bit more as in I'm just ready to have this baby, let's make it happen now the whole way through we're just manifesting come on Emma, come in that's actually a service that we do offer on Happy Mum and Her Baby.

2:30That's handy. Emma Willis just pops in. That would be very handy. At least you know her. Yeah, that would be very safe with Emma. Let's talk about your childhood because I can remember actually talking years ago to some of the McFly boys, some of the girlfriends that they had at the time about you because of the family effort that was still around you at that time. Danny's always talked about your mum. That's so nice. you two are. And actually I think it's a thing that's happening more now with younger artists coming through how their parents are a part of the industry. Not a part of the industry but a part of they're not just fed to the lions.

3:10They have an involvement. A support system. But I feel like you've had that support system for a long time. I have. And that's so cool that we talk about you. Yeah. If it's all good things. All really good things. No, we've done it in a really positive way. Oh, this is amazing. Well, yeah, because Danny got to know my mum, the Bevster, very well when we did the voice kids because we did it for a while. And Danny's like that with his family. He's got an amazing mum. And so our mums would just hang out backstage causing trouble, by the way. Like just so much trouble. We had to rein them in, of course.

3:46No, because I started out like super young, as you guys did as well. And I think that's really important to have people that you really trust and support you and have your best interests at heart, especially at an early age. You know, you hear all these horror stories and I feel super lucky to have had that and still to this day because I think it's helped me massively. Yeah. And it's just all I know, really. So I'd love to do the same for my kids. and I think it's important going into a crazy business with yeah just like you never know what's going to happen and I think having a support system or a network or a person there that's really rooting for you and there for you is like worth its weight in gold so yeah I'm lucky with my family and it's my whole family my mum, my dad, brother, sister they're always backstage at all the shows and now all our kids are all there hanging out Yeah because your brother and sister they've got kids around the same age Yes So lovely So we were, like, my mum and dad, well, yeah, my mum was, like, on and on for grandkids for years and years and years.

4:52And we were all the same. And then all of a sudden, all at the same time, all three of us were just all doing it. And so now their hands are, like, massively full. But I don't think they'd have it any other way. You know, like, just how crazy and chaotic it is. You know exactly what that's like. But it keeps it exciting, let's say. Absolutely. So you've got a brother and a sister. Where are you in that ranking order? I'm the youngest, but my mum had three of us in three years. Oh, wow. We're all pretty much bang, bang, bang. So, yeah, we just all grew up together. And then when we get older, we, you know, go out together.

5:29And I love, we're a really close family. Yeah. But I love being able to, like, go out with my brother and sister and, like, all our friends all hang out together. And me and my brother are classed as Irish twins. Oh, yeah, in the same year? We're in the same year. So for one week, we're the same age. Yeah. I love that expression. Yeah. We love that one week. We've always loved that one week. We're just like, oh, we're the same age. It's so cool. Because obviously you went to Italia Conti, didn't you? Yes. And you're the Silvias. We are rivals. So we're rivals. We shouldn't really be friends. I'm surprised we're in the same room.

6:05I know. It's terrible. Let me add her. how funny is that that like little rivalry between the but also only between those two I think like Nat Casti was in she's at Anna Shares that's fine you carry them doing that they're allowed but it's something about Sylvia's and Talia Conti so weird so what was your childhood how old were you when you went to Talia Conti so I went in year 7 so I was 11 did you go in year 7 I went in year 9 oh did you but Tom was even younger I think Tom was in year 5 you could go in year 5 I think you can only go from year 6 now but yeah Tom was basically in the juniors for two years.

6:39Wow. And then went into the school. That's really cool. I would have loved that. But I do think it's a very different childhood. We've had Kelly Bright on as well, who went to Sylvia's. So it is, you know, we've talked about it before, but it's a very different childhood when you are going independently on the train into town and doing what you love. Yeah. I absolutely loved it. Did you? I loved it. It was so much fun. I bounced out of bed every day. Yeah, I was so excited to go. I felt like everyone there obviously shared the same passions. And so you'd just be like singing and dancing around like the stairwell.

7:12And like everyone was larger than life. So much personality and like just doing what you love every day. And I think that's so lovely growing up doing that. Yeah. And also I think it's really important that we actually allow kids to do what they love. Yeah. Because I think growing up in those environments, seeing how that impacted people. Yeah. you know I just think 100 % and it doesn't it's like it doesn't mean everyone who like was in my year who went is in the industry in the industry still but I think it just teaches you so many life skills and tools to learn and to have in any field any job and discipline social skills teamwork there's so much within it it's not just a case of going and doing a dance lesson yeah exactly yeah I would highly recommend obviously you don't get as much of the academic as you would if you went to a non-vocational school, whatever the term is.

8:06So that is the main argument, isn't it? I think a lot of mums and dads are like, oh, do we want to sacrifice that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Although I got nothing under a C, got to say. Yeah, that's great. And I got 11 GCSEs. That's amazing. One A star. Come on, G. What was the A star? Maths, and I did it a year early. You must be very good at maths then. Not anymore. I was. You've forgotten it all. No. For a period of time, I was well good. You must be a natural. That's very good. What did your siblings make of you going into town? That's a good question. The only thing I can kind of remember, I don't know, because I was like always so headset on, like there's videos of me when I'm three singing and they knew I just loved anything like that.

8:46So I think they thought it was normal in that sense. And when I found out there was a school that you could do that at, I was like, yes, right, I've got to do this. Because I loved drama and I loved singing, but I didn't dance at that point. But obviously for the audition you have to do all of it, don't you? So then when I was like, I want to go to that school, oh gosh, I've got to quickly learn how to dance and get something together. So then I was like, headset on getting into the school. What was your dance like for the audition? Oh, how do you remember? All I had to do was touch my toes and I don't know why, but then straight away I had year nine assessments where I had to make up a dance and I did basically like a hoedown to Cotton Eye Joe.

9:29I love that you remember it though it must have really stuck in your brain like whoa I can't do it everyone else going in and doing an amazing jazz routine or modern or whatever it is do you still remember the choreo for this because I want to see it I tell you it's going to be the next music video I know it how old were you when your career took off I was 18 so I started writing my first album when I was 14 and then I signed my record deal at 15 and then the single didn't come out until I was 18. So it was kind of like a, even though I was young, but it felt like a long process from then till, especially when you're at that age because you're like, I'm ready to go now, I want to do it.

10:15But yeah, it wasn't until I was 18 when my first song came out. It wasn't until I was. Like it's a really old age. Basically a very magic pop star. Yeah, pretty much. But that must have shifted life massively. Yeah, it did. It did. And I feel like you know this well, because obviously Tom and that were really young, weren't they? And also behind the scenes, working up to it. It wasn't just like an overnight thing, was it? And I feel like I was so excited, obviously, to have my first single out and to be making a music video that I've grown up, like, idolising, Brittany and Christina, and, like, then making these music videos and going there and doing my own one.

11:02So it felt, like, incredible, but it also felt like I'd been building up to it as well. So it was, like, a shocking, like, wow, I can't let this happen, but also a kind of, like, not expecting it to happen, but I've been gearing up to it my whole life, and it was always little baby steps and steps backwards. and steps forward and all this kind of stuff. But it felt right as well. It felt like that's where it was heading, hopefully. And also, it's not like you came out of nowhere. You were working leading up to that in different theatre roles and stuff. Yeah, exactly. And it just kind of felt like all of that was leading to that place.

11:38But I think the thing that was the biggest change was because I started the album and signed the deal years before, it felt like as a youngster, when you're like chomping at the bit to like do stuff, that it was taking forever and it was really slow burning. When it actually did come out, as in like the single was released and back then it kind of worked differently with the charts, didn't it? Then it was like the biggest contrast. Everything was so quick and there was like... Well, they just want you everywhere. Yeah. All at once. All at once. So it felt slow and then it was like bang and there's just like, you know, paparazzi everywhere and interviews everywhere and flying here and flying there and flying there.

12:19So that was a big contrast. So exciting for an 18-year-old. But still, it must have been just crazy at the time. But you just think it's also just how it works because you've never done that before. Did you have your mum with you from the start? Yeah. So you've always had that grounding force, I guess. Always, yeah. I've always had, yeah, my mum, my family, even just like you know making the album before um it was released i did a lot of trips to la and was like finishing it over there and i'd always have my mom there sometimes my friends would fly out as well so it felt very very fun but also very normal as well i wonder if that's also the the joy of being a solo artist where because if you're in a band like those are your people yeah whereas actually if you're a solo artist you kind of get to go no actually I need yeah it's you being vocal actually and putting your foot down and saying the things that you need as well yeah that is true and I feel like well I'll never know what it's like to be in a band because I've never been in one but it must be so fun to share it with like your best friends as well that must be so fun and you've got them as that kind of support but you I guess you wouldn't be able to say oh I need to bring this because it you know you have to times it by four or five But yeah, I do think just from my experience, I do think it's important to have, especially if you're, you know, younger than 18, to have someone there that you really trust.

13:47Yeah. Yeah. At any point during all of that in your teens and your early career, did you think having your own family or did you have any desire to be a mum one day back then? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I don't think I ever thought then it would be happening. but because I come from such a close family and that's like in everything that we do, like we try and do everything together, that is so ingrained in my upbringing and who I am as a person that there's no way I wouldn't want to have that and have my own family, yeah. Talk to me about meeting Oliver. So, hmm. How did you meet? So we met, I don't know if you remember, G, but there was a, in the St.

14:34Martins Lane Hotel in Covent Garden, there used to be a club underneath it called Bungalow 8. Yes. Yeah? Yeah. So it was there where we met. It's not there anymore. It's not been there for a while, which is really sad because it was really fun during that time. And it was 2010. It was Fashion Week, so he's in the fashion world. And we were both there with a separate group of friends and just got introduced by a mutual friend. Yeah, I remember I did see him from across the... We have different stories. He said that I was pointing at him going, oh, look, I wish I wasn't, but I did see him. And I remember thinking he looked really...

15:19that he was going to be really posh. That's just how he looked. And then he came over and he didn't speak like how I thought he looked. and we literally spoke for like five minutes but we swapped BBM pins. Wow. Wow. Didn't you just used to love BBM Messenger? I never had it. What? I never did. You haven't lived, do you? Oh, we've got to get the BlackBrews back. It was so good. You had the, there was like an option where you could ping someone and it vibrates their phone. They don't have that on WhatsApp. No. They need to get that. Okay. so we swapped bbm pins and then we just kind of like used that as like our back and forth for a while yeah but we were both really busy i was about to go on tour it was the rihanna tour which i was so excited about and he had to go to new york for fashion so we were kind of like like but we're still talking yeah and then he came back to london and he came to the show I feel like from that point onwards when we were both back in London for a while we started seeing each other a bit more but we were just like on a friends basis you know meeting up in kind of groups and always going to Nando's because I had the black card back then every celeb ever in Nando's because they get it for free I know, I used to honestly be there for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day they stop them now haven't they, they don't do them anymore I'm not surprised though really, I could be the reason why they stop them But yeah, I used to go to one branch for lunch and then go to another branch for dinner.

16:58But yeah, so I used to, we used to hang out in there a lot. The one in Covent Garden is really good because they've got a bar. Yeah. So loads of cocktails and we have these like jugs of mojitos. It's really fun. All on the black card. All on the black card. Yeah, all on the black card. Yeah, then we just started seeing each other more and more. and then cross the line of friendship into love. At what point did you start talking about the future and did kids ever pop up in conversation? Yes, do you know what? Oliver's always wanted to be a dad and I feel like he could have even started earlier.

17:37Really? Same with his family. They're a big family, lots of kids and everything. I just thought we were so young. I was 19 when we first got together. So how old were you guys? So we were 13 when we met. That's amazing. We dated for three days at 13, then dated for a year at 15, and then got back together when we were 18. But like you guys, actually, it took a long time. I think when you get together at 18, 19, something happens where it took us a long time to get engaged and get to that point. Yeah. I mean, I was literally at home going, I am basically acting the wife, but I'm not the wife. What is going on?

18:16When is he going to ask? And then is that at the point when he did ask when you were feeling like that? No, I'd got over it by then, which I'm glad about. I'd rather he proposed when I was feeling quite calm about stuff. I'm just infuriated. Finally! But that makes sense. I feel like if you, well, it's the same as us, when you kind of get together young, you've got more time, don't you? So you kind of do take your time. It just feels like something that's really far off, you know. and I think maybe when you get together in your late 20s, say, or later, you're kind of going, are you the one? Am I going to waste time with you?

18:53You know, there's a bit more, not urgency, but a bit like less fanning around, just kind of direct with it. Whereas back then, I think it's a little bit different. Yeah, and I completely agree with that. I think, yeah, you just in your head think, oh, we've got more time, like there's lots of living to do. and there's not, not that there's a rush if you do get together later, but everything just happens quicker, doesn't it, if you meet when you're older. And also you're ready to do that settling down, marriage, kids, because you're kind of at that place. One thing me and Tom did do is, because I don't know if we ever had the will we have kids chat, but we used to send each other names.

19:29So I remember meeting a little girl called Eden. We never used Eden, it was never on our list. But I can remember seeing it and going to Tom, oh my God, Eden, how great is this name? Yeah. And, you know, we used to have a running list of baby names. Yeah, so that is an early clue, I'd say, if you were doing that. Yeah, and we kind of have had, we've had a list that's been going on for years, actually. There's so many names on it. But we still don't know which name we're going for for the next one. No, there's all these potentials. I've even got ones on there that I love, but I know that I would never use.

20:01Really? Yeah. But you just never know what's going to happen once you've given birth and you've had that rush of hormones. I know. Go for the obscure. Yeah, imagine. Pineapple is the one. It is funny as well because, yeah, obviously we're starting to think, okay, well, let's, like, make a decision now because we're, yeah, a couple of weeks away. And every time I say to Bertie, what's the baby's name? What's the baby's name? He goes, Kirill, Kirill, every single time, every time without fail. I don't know what that, I've never heard of that name before. I don't know if we're going to use the name.

20:39I don't know where it's come from. But even if we talk about something completely different, I go back to it, it's always Kiro. It's like Kiro or Keo. I can't quite figure it out, but it's around that area. But that's one I will not be using, so feel free anyone to go for that. All the babies being born. Keo. I know. And it is a lovely name if anyone is called Keo out there.

21:03Talks to me about getting pregnant the first time round. When you finally made that decision to kind of go, actually, we're going to start a family. Yeah. Was that a tricky thing navigating around your schedule first time around? Was it something you had to think about? Because the one great thing that you have is you've got a lot of women in music having babies. Yeah. I mean, it's not like something that's totally obscure. Like I can remember, you know, we've all heard people like from All Saints or whatever, different girl bands sort of saying it was such a taboo thing. We weren't allowed to or is frowned upon.

21:33Whereas actually I think we have seen so many women in music do it and carry it and just own it and be really powerful within it. So did that kind of ease off the pressure of when? To be honest, I feel like I'm not sure if I thought about it in that way when we first got pregnant, because in my life it just felt like the right thing. We got married. Yeah. so I actually I was on the implant and I took the implant out and then we got pregnant kind of thing so even then you take it out not knowing how long it's going you don't know yeah and everyone was like oh it's going to take at least like you know you don't know it's how long it's a piece of shrink it could be quick it could be take a year or two you just don't know but definitely like you know even now being pregnant and um expecting our second I see obviously amazing women like Rihanna and I just think wow you know you saw her performing at the Super Bowl or something and it's so inspiring because it makes you think you know it's completely achievable and possible and I look at her and think wow and she's just had her third baby which is so lovely and I was talking to a friend of mine the other day who's a singer songwriter and she was kind of like oh yeah we've got married but I don't know how we're feeling about kids and and obviously whatever she decides it's the best decision but I was like but if you she was worried like career wise if it would affect and I was kind of like it is possible to do it all you know everyone is in different circumstances I'm very lucky with my mum and dad that I have the help so that I can kind of juggle it all and it is a lot but it is definitely doable and I feel like like you said if it was like frowned upon back then I don't feel like that it's not that now yeah which is a great thing I just think it's an amazing thing for women to see women like you, you know, doing it in this way and really seeing pregnant bodies in a very different way to what we had previously.

23:36Well, thank you, G. I mean, same to you. But I feel like if we keep pushing that so that that kind of like whatever that is, that stereotype, whatever it fades away, because it's definitely achievable. And I get so inspired by seeing other women doing it. And like even at the weekend when we played our last festival and Sophie Alice Bextel was there, she's amazing. And she's got five boys and, you know, doing it all. And I get so inspired by it. I love with Sophie the fact that she's had, obviously she has been a constant, right? She's been at every festival over the years. She's always been there.

24:12Oh, yeah. But the fact that she, now that her kids are all slightly older, she's had this resurgence. Yeah. It seems like. Yeah, yeah. And I love that for her so much. It's brilliant. She's, yeah, like living life. And also like all her boys are there at the show. Yeah. I love all that, just like bringing them along with you. And that's what I hope to do. And yeah, I love it. Talk to me about finding out you were pregnant the first time. How was, where were you, Pixie? Oh, yeah. Did you have any symptoms or anything like that that made you go, oh, maybe? The first time around, didn't happen the second time around.

24:45It was the boobs, actually. Did you get that? Yeah. Yeah. They just feel so different. Yeah. What is happening? Like pillory almost. Yeah. And they were really painful kind of thing. Yeah. I remember just thinking, oh, yeah. So I'm just going back in time. We, so it was before my birthday and we'd just been away for New Year's. Yeah. So we'd been living it up. Been away. Been living it up. It was this all inclusive vibe. So I was going for it. You know, didn't suspect anything. Yeah. And then I came home and kind of felt that. and then I was like, oh, am I, like, due? Oh, I'm not sure. And then I was like, my birthday's coming up.

25:24Like, if I ever had this little thought that that would even be a possibility, I need to check because I'm going to be celebrating at the weekend as well. So I did one in the house on my own. Ollie was at work and I did a test. Sorry, I did one, I did a test. I was so shocked. Yeah, I remember being so shocked. I couldn't believe it my eyes like welled up and I had like no one to physically tell in the real life because it was just me in the flat so just like running around like oh what should I do and then I'm just remembering this as we're talking Ollie's studio where he's like does his designing is in London Bridge it was in London Bridge then and um because it was going to be my birthday and I never have seen him in his lunch break at work ever but I rung him I was like Ollie I'm gonna come and see you on your lunch break especially for my birthday to try and make a reason of why I've suddenly decided to he was like what like you're crazy what all right then you can come if you want kind of thing so I went over there and um was like just that adrenaline Did you just want it to come out?

26:41Yeah, I wanted it to come out. And I had the little test with the little line on. But it was like Borough Market and it was like packed with people. And I was like, how can I, where can I do this? And he thought the whole thing was weird that I'd even said it's my birthday. I'm taking, we're going for lunch. Like he thought it was a bit of a weird thing anyway. But I couldn't hold it in either. So I had to find like a little bit of the street. It was packed in Borough Market, but a little bit where there wasn't any people. and then I just like pulled the test out and then he was like so shocked.

27:13I love the fact that you did this on the street, like not caring who's around you. Just on the street, yeah, because I was, Benny, it was really busy, but you just got to shoot your shot. And yeah, and then that's how I told him. Then I feel like we went for a burger after and that's all I can remember. All good news followed up by a burger. Yeah. Yeah, it's always good. I love that. And so you didn't have morning sickness that time around? No, didn't at all, actually. Yeah, nothing really, the whole time. And what was your diary like? I know that this summer I've played loads of shows. You have.

27:52I didn't do that. Okay. So I think I was preparing maybe for the album to come out. Yeah. Towards the end, definitely, I remember them saying, you need to chill, and I remember doing that, Apart from the bouncing on the ball and the eating the dates and all that kind of stuff that you do. Well, from 37 weeks, you're fully cooked. It's kind of like that. You know, you're on the home stretch, whatever happens. Yeah, like if it happens now, that's great. So let's make it happen now. When I went into, I was literally around the corner from the studio with Buzz, heavily pregnant with Buzz. I was 37 plus four.

28:28And Danny Jo's, remember when it was at the tram shed around the corner, the steak restaurant? Oh, yeah. Yeah, so that's around the corner. and we were there for Is that not there anymore? No, it's some I don't know what it is but it's not there anymore but it was for Danny Jones' birthday so we were all in there and I can remember driving past the hospital I didn't get invited I don't think it was a special I don't think it was a special birthday but I can remember us all being there when I went into labour when my waters broke No way So that was your first time round? Yeah and actually Emma Willis was there Oh she was there?

28:59Yeah she was the first person to know that my waters broke No way Because I said to her either, you know... She hadn't done the mid-toir thing by then. She was useless at that point. Just useless. Wow. So maybe this is a lucky area, Pixie, I'm just going to say. Wait, hold on a second. So that was your first time, 37 plus 5? Yeah. And what was the... And your second was? Was 38 plus 5. And then the third was 38. So all before the due date? All before the due date, yeah. That's fantastic. Yeah. What's the secret there? When I got to 38 plus 5, I felt like I was overdue. because you've got used to the old early slot.

29:35What is this? That's great. That's what I would actually really love that. That's good timing. Did you do all the stuff like the dates and the balls and the balls, the bouncing ball? I did lots of bouncing and stuff. But it's, you know, I just think your body is, each body carries differently or, you know, the period is different, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How long it takes your body to cook a baby? Yeah, everyone is just like, there's just no like, I really wish there was more of a black and white science to it. Just unknowing. So many variations of what, of where, of who, of how. Maybe this is a lucky area.

30:13Maybe this is a lucky area. I do love it around here. It's gorgeous. This is near where we used to live, so we used to hang around here. See, maybe just walking around might make you feel really relaxed. Maybe I'd do that. There we go. Yeah. So you were two weeks late? Two weeks later. Yeah, 13 days. But yeah, I rounded it up to two weeks. How did you feel? Had you done any hypnobirthing or anything like that? Yeah. Did the whole thing. I've never been so organised in my life, and that's coming from an unorganised person. Yeah. It's taught me now to not be organised for this. Because it all went out the window.

30:48But I did do the hypnobirthing course. And how was that? Well, no, but even though I think, you know, because for some people hypnobirthing isn't going to, you know. Yeah. For me, I think hypnobirthing is about having that time to focus on you, your partner, your bump, your baby, and actually spending a little bit of time every day just kind of going, because I think life is so busy you don't get that. So true. And actually then when you go into labour or whatever happens, hopefully it keeps you a little bit calmer. Definitely. And it's something that I knew I would love because I love meditation and it's all in that same world.

31:22And it was nice to have those classes with Ollie and like I was probably more into it than he was, but he was there and we were there and, you know, going through the motions of it all. And, yeah, I do love all that focusing on the breath and all that kind of thing, but I just tried to do all the stuff, basically. I had that, then I had the, you know, all the wives' tales of the bouncing on the ball, the dates, the raspberry leaf tea, the clary sage. Did you ever use the Epino balloon? Oh, yes, yeah, yeah. Did all of that stuff, had the oil. a massage if you know for anyone who doesn't know what that is it's basically something that you insert and then puff up yeah basically to help you kind of stretching stretch the area which is not really a fun exercise I was quite glad to get rid of my epineau when the time came yeah but you don't still have it no I'm just going to borrow yours yeah so I did all of that stuff and obviously you never know which way it's going to go but I think I was a bit kind of like Like, you know, I didn't really even think about the C-section.

32:28Maybe I should have at least kind of thought about it. I didn't even think about it, actually. And then, of course, we had the emergency C-section. So what point were you like, no, we need to go into the hospital? Did they call you in because you were so over? Yes, yes, yes, exactly. So I got induced. Sorry. I got induced. So I had the, I actually had four sweeps. Really? Yeah. Which didn't work. Yeah. And then I had the gel, the induction gel thing. Did the sweeps hurt? Because when I had a sweep, I was told so often that they were going to hurt and I didn't think they hurt at all. Didn't hurt at all?

33:04Oh, yeah, I've been told. You're the only one who said it doesn't hurt either. No. We're tough cookies, G. It's all the happy notes. We're always stretched. We took it too far.

33:18yeah so we had to we did actually we did one induction gel and then we kind of went away and then we did the second one yeah and the second one is when it started and then had to stop basically and then we did the emergency yeah which is just not what i was thinking at all you know it's like you haven't you've done the um just you know the kind of like bright lights come on you're in the theater and it's all very serious very quickly was that a shift because things weren't progressing in the way that they had hoped it would no it was as soon as the contraction started we needed to stop it so then i had a i think an injection in my leg to stop it and it was adrenaline or something that must have been so scary when all you've wanted for weeks is for things to start and now all of a sudden now that it started you need it to stop yeah yeah yeah exactly so it was really kind of like crazy yeah but um obviously you just want to do whatever is the safest thing for the baby and then all of a sudden everything changes and you're like okay let's just but it was definitely the opposite to what what I thought or I guess what I'd planned but they everyone says you can't plan I guess I just but then they say make the birth plan so that's the thing that's the thing I think it's such a mind fuck that we get people to make plans yeah and get fixated with all these preferences and what they want yeah and actually your body's going to have another idea your body is going to do what you know what's going to happen is what's going to happen yeah and sometimes that all that plan does some i think is it makes people feel really guilty or really um like they've got to hold on to something and and that they can't maneuver themselves away from it when they need to yeah i think that that's exactly it to think what is going to happen is going to happen yeah is reassuring to me to just think like that now because whatever's going to happen is going to happen and it's going to be the right thing.

35:12And, you know, you're just waiting for that moment of having them there and that's just the best thing in the world and no matter however they get there, they get there. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

35:30What was it like seeing Oliver with him? Because obviously by that point you've been together for a long time. I know you've been through a lot together by that point. You know, you do over those years. But it's a very different thing, I think, to see them with your child. Something that is created from your love. Definitely. Yeah. Yeah, and doing that kind of like skin to skin or skin. Is it skin to skin or skin on skin? Skin to skin. Skin to skin. It's so lovely at the start, isn't it? So, like, that's what we did and then Ollie did it as well. and just seeing them like that is just so lovely, isn't it?

36:07But, I mean, throughout the whole process, obviously he was holding my hand and obviously it goes a bit crazy, but he started singing nursery rhymes, I think, to calm the situation. I remember just looking into his eyes and he started going, one day we went to the zoo, we went to the zoo. That's what he was singing to me, to try and let calm the situation. What's Bertie out by this point? No, sorry, this was just before Bertie's phone was so high. That's what I mean, so he's singing you. What? He's singing to you. He was singing to me. Yeah, sorry. It's like he's been studying up. He's been studying up the nursery rhymes in preparation of Bertie.

36:49He's not here yet, so he'll sing them to you. Yeah. Don't worry, this is me as a dad. This is my repertoire. This is what I'll be doing, just preparing you for that. He must have been like, what are you doing? I wasn't expecting it, that was for sure. It's not something he regularly did before that. He does a bit more now. But, yeah, I remember him. I don't know why he chose that song anyway, he did. But since then, we've got, you know, those little Dear Zoo books and stuff. We've got all that stuff now because it started from the nursery rhyme. And, yeah, I just remember that happening and looking into his eyes and then kind of saying, oh, where are we going to go, what are we going to do?

37:30And he said, we're going to go to Florida all together, which we haven't done yet, but we will. And then Bertie came out and then it was all kind of, yeah, in that newborn bubble, which I absolutely loved. And, yeah, absolutely loved it, that newborn bubble, being at home and just being with little Bert. But obviously now this time is going to be different because I feel like everything was quiet and, you know, Yeah, you're kind of in that. But now it's like the toddler and his intimacy, so it's not quiet. Is that what it's like with having... Yeah, it's absolute chaos. I can remember Buzz having his, like, toy drums and just drumming when Buddy was sleeping, and Buddy would just sleep through it all.

38:13Oh, and he'd sleep through it. That's amazing. But even the reverse of that. So we had two of them share a room for a little while, and Buddy used to get proper night terrors, like he'd wake up and be full-on screaming. Buzz would sleep completely through it. Really? Yeah, it wouldn't affect him at all. That's really good, because if it did, you'd have to get a new sleep plan. Yeah, yeah. When did the night terrors start? They started, I want to say, from about one until he was six. Oh, really? Yeah. So he'd wake up and just completely not be there, but just shouting and screaming and like proper fear state.

38:58And then all of a sudden it would just lift and it'd just be there. Quite shell-shocked because obviously knowing your body has been through something. Yeah. But your mum and dad are there and just kind of like, and then we'd talk to them, give them a cuddle and then they'd get back into bed. So bizarre. And then it just stopped after a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I know some adults that go through it, but it's quite a common thing for some kids to go through. But it's so bewildering when it happens. Yeah. Can you remember leaving the hospital? Yes, I do remember. I didn't actually want to leave because they were so lovely.

39:32Nice little cocoon. Yeah. Everything feels safe. Yeah, and safe. And they look after you if you've got any questions. And I loved taking the tips from them and starting the breastfeeding and all that kind of stuff. How did you get on with breastfeeding? Yeah, good. I remember there was something happened in that first week where there was like a rush of like milk, too much milk, and I had, it was swollen. I just remember having to put like hot and cold compresses on and it was painful. But then that trick worked really well. Yeah. That was really the only problem I had. But I did it for 15 months.

40:11Amazing. Yeah, I found it really, I don't know, I feel like when you do something, you don't know the alternative kind of thing. And it was so easy just to like, and I'm kind of a forgetful person anyway. So to be able to leave the house and know that I'm okay. You've got everything you need. I've got everything I need. I had said to myself first time around that I would feed until Buzz was six months or until he had teeth. I don't know why. Those were the two things I had in my head. And then it took us three months to actually get to a place where I felt like we actually both knew what we were doing.

40:39And so by the time we got to six months, I was like, I don't want to learn a whole new thing now. Yeah. So we might as well just carry on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Yeah, it went on longer than I thought. Definitely. I think you think, oh, I know how to do this. You know what I mean? And then, but now, obviously, he went on to bottles. Now I know how to do that. I feel like I know I'm comfortable in that as well. So I don't know how it's going to go for the next one, which is going to go with the flow. One thing you were able to do is you took him everywhere with you. Yeah. I really wanted to do that.

41:14And I want to do that as much as I can still. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, especially when you are breastfeeding because you kind of have to. Yeah. Really, don't you? And I did start pumping. I can't remember when I started pumping. And I actually wanted to Google when you can start pumping. It's so funny, isn't it? Because I think that when you're in one pregnancy or one postpartum period, you figure out what works, whether that's healing with your foof or your stitches or working out what's going on with your boobs. You figure it out. and the next time around you have to relearn it all. Yeah. I can remember being like, why didn't I write down what I put in the bath?

41:53Why didn't I write down when I started pumping? Because definitely one of the times I went, I suddenly realised I did it too soon. Ah. I started pumping because I think I did it quite early. So there is a too soon then, isn't there? I think maybe I started before my milk had come in. Ah. I don't know because it just suddenly felt like one day it was more intense. I mean, your boobs go hard and, you know, it's an intense feeling. Intense. Yeah. Crazy. Isn't it bonkers what your body does? It's mad, isn't it? It's kind of like, makes me feel like a kind of, well, we are mammals. Yeah. Aren't we?

42:26But it makes me feel like, it's just very animalistic kind of thing. The whole thing. My second birth was really animalistic. Was it? Yeah, my body just took over. What happened? We were watching the BAFTAs. And I can remember feeling something and then being like, oh. And I didn't tell Tom, which he hasn't. Why didn't you tell him? Because you're trying to figure out what's going on. Maybe that's something, maybe it's not. What does it feel like, by the way? Because I've not had that. Lack of period pain, I would say. Like a cramp? Yeah, like a cramp. So I felt something. I thought, well, that's interesting.

42:59And then I can remember it happening, basically about 45 minutes later, I thought I should probably tell Tom. So I told him, and then he went to bed. I stayed downstairs and started watching comedy shows. I don't know why I didn't go to sleep. And then it got to a certain time. And it was, stuff was happening. But because we had Buzz, we had to figure out what we were going to do. Yeah. So we knew that we were going to take him to his mum and dad's. So Tom's mum and dad's. So we had to sort that out. So I think Tom spoke to the hospital and they were like, well, come in, you know. Yeah. But I'm so glad that he, we did it at that point because we had to drop Buzz off.

43:34By the time we were going down the, like on the A40 or whatever it was to go to the hospital, I literally couldn't sit on the seat anymore. I was literally having to, I felt like he was already on the way out. No way. Just that sensation of, oh, no, I... That he was right there. But he wasn't, though, right? But it's just that feeling of, I actually can't sit down. I can't do that. And then we got to the hospital, and they told me that I was six centimetres. So, that's great. And then they made me sit still for ages while they monitored me for 20 minutes, which was really infuriating. Now, I can remember getting up after that 20 minutes, going to the toilet, and one of the...

44:09Where did you have to sit still? Because of the monitors. Oh, because of the monitors. They just wanted to make sure that everyone's heart rate was, you know, OK. And I remember going into the bathroom. And while I was there, I just had this sensation go over the bump. Right. It was like. I thought that was weird. And just everything felt different. So I was having a water birth. So I got into the pool and I said to the midwife, I just had this weird thing. She was like, oh, you're fine. Just get in. Anyway, turns out that I was 10 centimetres by that point. So it happened like that. What, from the gym?

44:40From the gym. And that was your own body? My own body did the zhum. And from that point, my body did five more of these zhums. And I swear, every time something was happening. So I felt him, I felt the baby go further down. I felt the sack pop. Like, I felt everything. And I literally, it was so animalistic, I had no control whatsoever. What, you were just like, what? I just had to hold on to the side of the bath and let my body do its thing. Oh, my gosh. And afterwards, when the physio came around to see if I was okay, I was like, yeah, I just can't feel this finger because where I'd held onto the side of the bar, one of my fingers overlapped the other one and I'd obviously crushed it so much where I was just letting my body do whatever it could.

45:25So I didn't have the feeling in one finger for a long time. No way. But was that the only thing you had from it? My finger. I mean, if it's one of your fingers, that's right. I'll take that. But it was the most wild thing where my body just went, it expelled him. That is... Literally just... Insane. Wait, that was Buddy? Yeah. He was so quick that his eyes were bloodshot for a month. No. Yeah. What, because... Because of the force in which he came out. That is insane. That's amazing. Yeah. That's what you hope. That is what you hope for. But it was a whirlwind. Did you feel everything? Did you have any, like, pain?

46:03No, no pain, nothing. No pain relief? No. No, I haven't. And did it hurt? It's an intense feeling, right? And there's definitely pressure and your body's being open. If you could describe their feeling, would it be like pressure and uncomfortableness but not pain? Or what is the... There is a sting. There's a sting. Yeah, there's that ring of fire. I think it's called the ring of fire. The ring of fire, I've heard about that. That's the sting. But not unbearable? Just keep breathing. Breathing is your friend. You didn't say yes or no.

46:39Pixie, there's something coming at your fanny, all right? What?

46:47Oh, man. But it was just kind of like, whoa. This is good preparation. And I know a few people who have had births like that. Really? Yeah. That is so amazing. So the first time around, it was longer, I'd be saying. Longer. I had a lovely time, but longer. I had a lovely time. Longer, I ended up having an episiotomy, which I kind of wish I didn't have. I kind of think I would have got there anyway, but I had an episiotomy. Second time around, I did tear a little bit, but the tear was much easier to recover from than the episiotomy. And the tear was easier to recover from than the finger.

47:22Wow. So maybe because your body had done it before. Yeah, maybe. Is that what would be? Let's talk about this time around. Yeah. When you decided to kind of extend the brood. Yes. Was that a big thing? Because we talked about, you know, age gaps before. Were you kind of thinking, I can remember us getting to nine months and being like, whoa, if we wanted an 18-month age gap, it would be now, you know. You think you've only just had. Yeah, I don't even know what I'm doing with this one yet. How can I go again with another? Yeah. Did you think about it a lot or was it a case of what happens happens?

47:59It was more what happens happens, but I knew that we wanted to have more than one and I knew that, so I was breastfeeding for 15 months. People obviously fall pregnant when they're breastfeeding. But there's a massive myth that you can't. There's a massive myth that you can't. There is, yes. But I never believed it because my mum always told me that she had me when she was breastfeeding. That's when me and my mum were like. Oh, that's true. So you are living proof. But, however, I mean, I was breastfeeding and we didn't fall pregnant in that time and as soon as I stopped breastfeeding, we felt pregnant.

48:36So it was actually... Had your periods come back in that time? So my periods had not come back in that 15 months. Mine didn't the whole time I was feeding? Yeah, not the whole time, but I know other girls who... Who do, yeah. ...have come back. So it just shows everyone it's just so different. But then, yeah, I stopped and then when my period came back, then we felt pregnant. So that's kind of how it happened. Yeah. Yeah. This time round, obviously, one thing you did have in the diary that you didn't have last time was a lot of gigs. Yeah. Were they already in the diary? Yes. Were you suddenly like, oh, how pregnant am I going to be when I'm doing this gig?

49:10I did think it was actually the timing worked out pretty perfectly because it was all booked in and I literally finished my last festival last weekend or whenever it was. Yeah, but you would have been nearly or 37 weeks pregnant. Was part of you like, wow, that's a big old stage of pregnancy. I think, and every pregnancy is different. Yeah, yeah. But the first one, I really didn't show, I'm showing more on this pregnancy than I did on the first one. The first one I hardly did right until the end. And I was very lucky with the kind of, you know, the nose sickness thing, which I had this time around.

49:48And the, just moving around, and I felt fine right up until the end. So I kind of thought, oh, that's going to be fine. It's going to be fine. We'll be able to do it. and the time the timing let's say even if it was like a few months earlier I wouldn't have been able to do all the stuff that I'd confirmed yeah yeah yeah so it was kind of really good timing I think I mean it was right up until the brink was there a point in the last gig that you thought oof I'm kind of glad I'm going to be taking these heels off after this well I don't wear any heels when I sing so that was a good thing I have bare feet and I've got my Ugg slippers on today so I'm going for the comfy yeah yeah yeah footwear but I just I love I love performing and it's my favorite thing in the world and I think I haven't I don't go to the gym or do exercise so I think doing those and they're like on the weekends so from the week I'm not jumping around and then I'm jumping around on the weekends I think it's actually been a good thing to be a little bit active I mean how has it felt knowing that you're doing those gigs and you've got a little baby you know what I mean that's a very I know because there's something going on between you and the audience but there's also something going on with you and your baby I know I keep thinking you know like you have to rock them up and down loads to like get them off to sleep but this one's used to that all the time you're going to have to put some serious effort in at bedtime so I'm going to have to be the whole time just like bouncing around like this you know like when you feel the kicks and stuff it's when you're sat down isn't it and like you're not doing anything so yeah that's true so when I'm jumping around I don't feel anything until when I sit down but like I said I think maybe the last show I still loved it but when I come off stage and I sit down I go a bit like and even towards the end you kind of like I find myself kind of having those breaths or like I definitely feel when they say the rib cage expands and definitely felt that kind of happening.

51:51Yeah. Yeah. How are you feeling edging towards the birth? I'm feeling, I'm so excited to meet the baby. Yeah. Because it's a weird one because it feels like it's gone really quick because we've done so much stuff and I've been travelling all over the place. But at the same time, it feels like it's been long because we've done a lot of stuff in the schedule. So now I just feel like I'm really ready to meet the bab. And I think I'm still stuck in that kind of world of trying to focus on whatever happens is going to happen. Yeah. Because of the first time around. Do you find yourself feeling apprehensive about what's to come?

52:32I think once you've gone through an experience, sometimes it can either make you feel comforted about what's to come. other times because I felt like because I'd had a good birth with Buzz I actually felt apprehensive going into the next one because I was like well what if it's something do you know what I mean you just don't know what that is going to be well that yeah I think that is it's just so not black and white isn't it and I've asked so many questions till the cows have googled everything within an inch of its life and loads of things contradict each other as well so you're like what don't know what decision to make you don't know and I think the only reassuring thing is that you don't know and that what will be will be like when you said that earlier I was like yeah I'm going to hold on to that and I think yeah depending on what I'm leaning into like if I focus on feeling apprehensive then I'll start feeling apprehensive yeah if I focus on feeling what will be will be and the right thing is going to happen and we're safe and you know whatever's meant to be is meant to be then I feel like that so I'm going to try and attached to that one as much as possible.

53:37Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah. How have you got Bertie ready? Well, yeah, I guess we've just been talking about the baby and, you know, he loves to call the baby Kio, Kiro, whichever way. So we talk about it a lot. So he's just about to turn two. I feel like he knows what's going on, but he also says he's got a baby in his belly as well. But, yeah, he came to a scan and was, like, shouting baby. So I feel like he knows. Yeah. But it's hard to know 100%. Is Bertie sleeping now? How is his sleep? He sleeps through the night, but he does wake up and say mama at certain points. Yeah. So he doesn't...

54:29We don't have... So, he's actually in our room on a mattress on the floor. Yeah. Look, you've got to do whatever you need to do to get everyone to sleep. I know. But the plan is, I know I'm running out of time, Tee. But the plan is to put him into his room, if that works or not, I don't know, before the baby comes, which could be anything now. You're suddenly realising something that's on you to do this. You're like, ah. I know. Oh, I'll write that down. And because the only worry that, I mean, I'd be happy with us all in the same room. Yeah. Like forever and ever. But the only worry is them waking each other up thing.

55:15I know you didn't have that, which is really good to hear as well. But, you know, that could be a situation and then that could not be good. So we're going to attempt that. and one of the really sneaky way I've thought of doing that is by putting the mattress on the bed. But I've ordered that Spidey, Spider-Man duvet pillowcases. Oh, nice. To see if that makes it like a really cool special thing that he's going to be in this bed. Yeah. But also I don't want to do it at the same time and think, oh, there's a new baby, now you're out. She's been kicked out. Really don't want that at all. So who knows what's going to happen on that front as well, but we're kind of like going to try it in the next couple of days.

56:06So now work's winding down, you've just got these big things to focus on. Yeah. It'll be fine. Yeah. Has motherhood affected you creatively? Yes, I think so, definitely. I think it's affected me in all areas. Really? But I think, yeah, all the stuff I'm writing about now is just that. because that's what I'm going through. That's what I'm going through. And I only really want to do stuff that I'm living at the moment. So that's kind of something I've learnt more growing up, writing songs. Because I started out so young, I kind of did lots of different directions and was always told what to do or what to sing or what to write or how to be or whatever.

56:49And so now I just want it to, all the songs I'm doing to reflect what I'm going through at the moment. sometimes I've kind of like as well done that but then the music's taken such a long time to come out and I might have moved on in life so I want to make sure as well the music I'm writing at the moment is coming out at the same time so that's why at the festivals I tested out a new song all about this stage of life and motherhood and you know when your perspective change and your priorities change and you realise that doesn't matter at all life's too short all that kind of stuff that you've learned and at the end of the festival season and we put the song out and it feels just like great to be.

57:29Just coming of age, is that right? Yes, yeah. So it feels great to be singing exactly what I'm going through at the moment. That's lovely. Yeah. Because also, that is art, right? It's about you going through something and kind of like feeding it out. Exactly. So it is that weird thing that we have a system where, or just creative, things just take time sometimes, depending on what route you're going to put it out with you know yeah so I think that can be really hard when you've put so much into it but actually by the time it comes out you're already on to something else yeah and I feel like it's always been that way whereas now I want to try and get it going at the same time because it feels so good to be you know singing with your band to the crowd something that you're actually feeling right now yeah and also a lot of the songs might have like a message that I need to remind myself of or whatever.

58:20So to be living in that and performing that at the same time, it feels really good as a singer. Also, you've got a gig coming up in December, at the end of the year. Yes. I mean, I love the fact that the baby's not out yet, but you have a commitment and you are going to go there and be festive. And I love this. And all the babies are coming. You've got to come. But it's at Union Chapel. It's gorgeous. What a gorgeous place and Christmas. Yes. 17th of December? 17th of December. I'm really excited. I feel like it's a really lovely gig to do and to gear yourself up towards. Knowing that it's the lead up to Christmas, it's a gorgeous time of year.

59:00It's also a time of coming together and family and all that jazz. Yeah. And you know how sometimes, I don't know how you felt coming back after Bertie, but sometimes having that deadline can be a bit like, it's coming for me, real life is coming for me outside of this bubble. but actually that gig feel it's got a very different feel to it it does it's a christmas show it'll be my first like headline show back after having the baby it's all about family and all my family will be there obviously bert and the new baby uh one thing you have done a lot of over the years and it's been a big part of your life is mindfulness is meditation yes and then that came off the back of a difficult time of kind of um you know uh taking on a role and that actually being quite a big thing so you found meditation have you used that in pregnancies and in motherhood yes I feel like um I don't know if I've used it specifically but it's something that I just use in life in general really which hopefully does help with motherhood um but yeah I really found it during that time after I did a play for a long time and I was just like completely wrecked afterwards I was just like broken and um when I was good I do a lot of googling what to do um the number one thing that kept popping up that was like you know a natural way was meditation so I was like what is this thing and so I gave it a go bit kind of didn't understand it at first but then I started doing more and more and then it really helped me and And it helped me get back to myself, definitely.

1:00:42It's not like an instant fix. You have to do it over time. But it was the only thing that really helped me. And so I know that it's an important thing. Yeah. Like going into motherhood, I think it really puts things into perspective. That's what meditation did for me before I kind of was in that chapter. And it really helped. Yes, I try. And it's really hard when you're busy and kids and loads of stuff going on. But if there's time where I can carve it out, yeah, it's really good. And I would recommend it to anyone. Just to have that bit of time that's kind of... Yeah, exactly. And it kind of, yeah, it just puts things into perspective and just helps you, I think, align.

1:01:23And it just really helped me. And I'm like the kind of living proof to myself that I know it works because it did for me. It was the only thing that did. Yeah. And just lovely having a tool that you can kind of go, it's okay I'm gonna lean on this yeah definitely and everyone has their I do think meditation is for everyone and like don't be put off by because a lot of people start it and think oh no I've got all these thoughts going on I can only sit still for like two minutes you can start with two minutes and then build up to like 40 minutes or whatever and also the whole time you do have thoughts going on that is natural I heard this a little while ago meditation isn't being free of thought it's not No, no, no.

1:02:01Because sometimes you can get stuck in a thought, but you notice that you're in a thought and then you just move away from it. So it's going to happen. You're going to be like, oh, I didn't do the thing on my to-do list. And then you go, oh, I've got a thought. And then you realise you've had the thought and that's all you need to do, basically. But yeah, don't be put off if you're having thoughts because that's just how our brains work. Obviously, you and Oliver have been together a very long time. Yeah. This is a whole new chapter, really, for you now. It's quite, I always find it quite bizarre to kind of go, look at where we were and where we are.

1:02:35Does it feel like a very different part of your lives? Yeah, I guess it does. It does. It feels like it just changes you massively, I think, doesn't it? When you start a family and like we've moved out to a family home and like. You're grown ups. We're grown ups now. How did it happen? Like it has been years, but it also feels like it's just happened so quickly. and I think back to those days like when we first met that we were talking about at the start of our chat and I think oh my god like how has all that time just gone past but then I feel really grateful as well because we've we've been together for such a long time and you guys know what it's like it's like we've had so many of these like memories and like adventures and like grown up together and learned and made mistakes and like grown and it's like such a journey yeah and so many kind of stories entwined in it and to be now at this phase of it which feels completely different to before yeah I feel really kind of I don't know grateful to to be at this this part of it yeah because because it's something that we both wanted, but I guess because we were so young, we knew it was not going to happen then.

1:03:52Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now all of a sudden, we're in it and we're here. It's amazing. Yeah, it's crazy. If you could write a letter on motherhood, who would it be to and what would you say? I guess that the first things that spring to mind for me would be to my younger self and to my mum. Yeah. Because you realise, don't you, now when you become a mum, how your mum feels, basically, and just, like, things make more sense. And I think I didn't realise, like, obviously, you know, the baby's, like, very dependent on you and, you know, attached to you, but you have that to them massively. And I think maybe I wasn't as aware of that beforehand, so I feel like I understand that from my mum as well now yeah and then to myself because I feel like it's changed and I don't want to sound cliche because um you know everyone says you change so much when you when you go into it but you just do you just do you change massively and I feel like I'm I'm still the same person in a lot of ways but I feel like it has just made me grow up so much more and in terms of like I said before what is important what you want to spend time on what your kind of morals and ethics are and what you the boundaries and stuff which I don't think I've had strong ones before and what you life is just so short what do you want to focus I feel like I feel like life is more short now that I'm older obviously and just like what what is important and what I want to focus on I feel like all of these lessons have been so valuable to me in the last couple of years that I didn't really have as much of an insight before I don't know about you but I feel like that it was such a welcome change to suddenly go into motherhood and go actually I don't care about all those things and I can say no yeah and I can do all these you know yeah it's it feels like after years of pleasing others to kind of actually stand your ground and go well actually what do I want what's fit for purpose in this situation totally and that's so freeing to like get to that place and I want to lean into that as much as possible yeah yeah what parts of your childhood are you hoping you pass on to your kids oh definitely closeness of family I would love you know like we all live really close to each other now we're older I would love for that to be my family when I'm older I would love to you know just instill in them the kind of things I think are important in life and how to treat people and and going for their goals and going for their dreams and realizing anything is possible also things like you know things that made my childhood the magic of Christmas that's why I love Christmas so much because they made it so special for me yeah yeah I think just the closeness because I think in life, like, the most important thing is, like, each other, you know, family and being there for each other.

1:07:06I think that's the most important thing. And also, like, what do you want your story to be? We're here for such a short amount of time. I think it's just, you know, just absolutely go for it and I'm going to be, like, their biggest fangirl and just support them as much as I possibly can. You saying what do you want in your story to be literally brought tears to my eyes. Oh, that's so lovely. It's just such a gorgeous way of looking at your life, their life. Like, what do you want that to? Yeah, because, you know, when you're in it and the race of life, we all get caught up in it, and I do every single day.

1:07:43But looking back, like, it's just a little glimmer that we're here. What do you want your story to be? Like, people are going to look back on it and be like, you know, maybe learning about it or kind of being inspired by it or or even just knowing what you meant to someone or what how you made a community feel or like all these little tiny details that you think might not make a difference really do and go a long way so in these times when it's so chaotic and crazy and sometimes you know how tough and challenging it can be like a day can feel like the longest thing ever and like you know all the cereals like up against the wall and the toys everywhere you don't know what's going on and a million things going wrong i think it's it's also the the beauty of this time isn't it like i know it's hard when you're in it but we we will look back at it and be like oh god that was that amazing yeah for the days it's hard to yeah know those were the days when you're in it i know when you're just kind of surviving yeah it's so true isn't it yeah it's so true yeah pixie we end the podcast with you completing three sentences The first one is being a mum means.

1:08:53Being a mum means everything. Since having children, I? Since having children, I've figured out what is important. And I'm happy when? I'm happy when I have all my family around me and I'm performing and everyone is happy and safe and living it up. Pixie, thank you so much. You are such a good human. I genuinely mean that. You're such a good human. But you've always been lovely. And I said it to you earlier, when we came and saw you at the Boys Kids, you were so gorgeous with Buzz. And I just think... He was cute. But you are just... You're lovely. Thank you so much. You're so lovely. And I'm sending you all the positive vibes.

1:09:48I want some of the zhuzh motion. Give me the zhuzh motion. The zhuzh. Thank you so much, Dee, for having me.