Summer holiday catch-up with Giovanna

0:05Hello and welcome to Happy Mum, Happy Baby, the podcast. The summer holidays are here. How are we or are we surviving? We've actually just got back from holiday. We were very lucky to go to Walt Disney World and it was amazing. It is our happy place. The joy of being with the kids is always, it's just amazing. And actually, I think when you're on holiday, it gives everyone that ability to switch off and just be together. Everything's very different as a result. We all know that. You know, when we feel torn, usually, even when it's not summer holidays, when we feel torn between being with the kids and, you know, making dinner or, you know, meeting their demands, but also that work email pops up.

0:45We know how frazzled that can make us feel and how afraid. So actually having that period of time where that's not the case, it was amazing.

0:57Flying, travelling with kids, that is tricky. Over the years now, I've discovered the joy of a bento box. A bento box is the only way forward, I think, when it comes to getting on a flight or along our journey. I basically fill it with a variety of things. I don't let the kids see the snacks before we leave. This way, it's a surprise when they open it and they see their rice cakes, maybe some chocolate-covered rice cakes, pretzels, little raisins, popcorn, twiglets. Twiglets are a big, what is the word? It's a big winner in our house. And also, if they end up having bits that they don't like, because there are several options to choose from, they trade with each other, which I think is genius.

1:36Also teaches them negotiation skills. whilst travelling.

1:42Now though, we are home and the stretch of summer at home is upon us. I mean, I'm not gonna lie, occasionally I'd like to just disappear to the greenhouse early morning before the kids wake up at night time before bedtime, just so I can get everything watered. That is my little bit of time to kind of just slip away and kind of take a breath before or after the chaos of having the kids around all day. And that is, I think, I am at a really lucky point now, which is that the kids stay in bed until seven. It feels, it felt like it's been a long time coming, people. My eldest is 11. It's been a long time.

2:15But now they get up at seven, if not a tiny bit later, which means if I still get up at six, which I know we're all craving those lions, but the reality is to get up at six and have that hour that's for myself feels so good. To do something that's for me feels great. Last year I was running, so I'd get up at six and go for a 5K. This year, I'm watering the garden. me and Tom juggle the summer holidays it's quite tricky and actually this year there's so much going on with The Voice with Busted vs McFly with Pannington the musical opening so Tom's diary is hectic and whereas I went off on tour at the start of the year we got on the train the end of the year we know is going to be manic for Tom so I am I'm off in August as much as possible podcast stuff is still going on and and still planning for you know everything that's to come but on the whole I have I have been able to kind of cut things down work-wise and simply I just it would not be possible if we didn't do that it is a complete juggling act and Tom's mum and dad are around in August as well to help us because Buzz is also in Starlight Express which is very very exciting but very busy so he needs to get there and stuff so it is a complete juggling act the juggle is juggling basically I also think though it's about being quite forgiving with yourself in the summer holidays they are long don't feel the pressure of what other people are doing you know if they're going lots of places if they're doing loads of stuff do what feels right for you guys don't be guided by what other people are doing on instagram and feel like oh my gosh i should be doing all these things your child's about to go to school um you know there can be a massive pressure of uh doing loads to try and get them ready take it at your pace don't feel um like you have to be doing loads of stuff simply because other people are if there's a day where it's a bit rainy or you have to take that work call and there's no other choice or you just are at boiling points or just feeling so depleted that every minute of the day is with them and you've got no time for yourself, put a movie on, be kind to yourself, let them have a movie and you take that little bit of time to just chill out.

4:19That's what I tend to do on those days. For the kids what I've really realised is that we just need to get them outside as much as possible which is easy on the sunnier days not so easy on the rainy days and actually when they were younger if I wasn't out by nine o 'clock in the morning I could just feel the tensions rising feel that kind of that agitated behavior of needing to do something with their bodies so it's got a little bit more relaxed at the moment and the other thing about the holidays I feel like it doesn't matter how much time you spend cleaning up it's never ending you literally will tidy one area it's like back to pre-school days when the kids were home all the time and you tidy one area and then you turn around and tidy a different area then you turn around to the area that you were first at is suddenly uh untidy again and you feel like you're just doing it all day long i have told myself this year this summer that i'm going to start doing chores and stuff with the kids so that they can start understanding the fact that yeah i do a lot around the house tom does bits tom does a lot that i'm maybe doing a bit of disservice there but that it's not my job to tidy up after all of us all the time so I'm trying to use the summer holidays just kind of give them that thing of you know we don't have to be out the door by eight to get to school so when they get out of beds they can maybe tidy their bed they can make their beds they can pull up their blinds they can flush the loo you know all those great things that I kind of go around or carrying collecting all the cups from the night before whatever it is those little things because the time is there so I'm trying to do things like even silly things like taking the plates after dinner, like making it late in the table.

5:56So I'm actually going to try and use that time for that as well.

6:03Thinking about the summer holidays as a parent, it strikes me how different each year can feel. There's the adventure, the excitement, exploring new places, but it can also be really, really hard. The mental load of remembering everything for everyone, sometimes just trying to leave the house feels impossible. I've been there so many times. Just the feeling of, you know, these kids that are squabbling can make you feel like you need to stay indoors, but actually you just need to get out. But I also thought it would be nice for this episode to look back at some of the summer tales we've had from previous guests.

6:37So whether you are tuning in from a plane as you head off on holiday, or maybe pottering around in the kitchen trying to get stuff done while the kids are playing, enjoy.

6:49Today's guest is a writer. She's also the mother of one. It's Kerry Hudson. One thing you two, you and Peter, do not shy away from is travel. You have still travelled so much. You know, and I think when you, you know, before having your son, thinking into the future, thinking about how things might change, how that might stop certain aspects of your life. Travel is simply not one of those things. Yeah, I mean, we mourned it, you know, like I'd been traveling like really consistently for about 10 years. Peter loves traveling as well. He grew up in Switzerland. So, you know, like he always he went to international school.

7:30But I just I really knew that I wanted that to be part of our lives. Yeah. And then obviously there was lockdown so we couldn't go anywhere. Yeah. I mean, I think it's just such a good thing to give to your child. Like, I think there's definitely a balance between giving them stability. And, you know, my little boy loves routine. Like he does, you know, he loves his nursery. He loves his particular breakfast, his particular order. And he loves all that stuff. But then also like we took him for, we just took him for a month to Japan where he like canoed on the lake by Mount Fuji as the sun rose and, you know, ran about the streets of Tokyo.

8:05And I think that he's just learning so much about the world and about broader cultures and all the things that I loved about traveling, which is like the excitement and the newness and the discovery, I now get to do with my kid, which is amazing. Like watching him eat his first slurp of noodles or learning how to say thank you in Japanese is just like, and, you know, people responding to that is just, you know, amazing. So it's definitely different travelling with a kid. Like you can't deny that. We know every great play park in Tokyo and that is not something I ever expected. Yeah, I guess we'll look at the different things when we travel now.

8:42Exactly. You know, every great soft play, come to me for recommendations. I can give you like the best toddler list for Tokyo ever. And that's kind of not how it would have been before. But it's a different sort of travel. You know, it's richer, kind of like life, you know, like things do change. But I feel like it's got a different sort of richness to it. The curiosity is different. The discovery is different. We keep travelling as much as possible. And I'm really lucky that my job kind of facilitates that. I feel like there's a lot of scaremongering when it comes to travelling with children.

9:11And whether that's just from people that don't want kids on their flights or what. But, you know, there is so much joy to be had within it that it isn't something that people should be scared of doing. Yeah. I mean, listen, there will definitely be an hour a day where you wish you were at home with some dearly dunkers and some CBeebies and, you know, a room to escape to. But then also there's like, you know, the other eight hours of the day where you're seeing your kids like do something remarkable that they would never have been able to do. or they're making a new friend in a play park without any language, like somehow managing to converse with them or trying a new food or whatever it is.

9:51And that makes it all worth it. I mean, I think it's definitely tiring. I would never say otherwise. But I think the joy is so worth it.

10:01Now we are going to take a deep dive into family life. Welcome back, Harry and Izzy Judd. The book came out in the summer and he was born at the end of summer. He was born early, so yeah. Yeah, yeah. Can you remember going towards the birth of number two? So. There was a lot of huffing. Was there a lot of huffing? It was summer. It was hot. Very different because Lola was born obviously in January. In January, yeah. It's very different, I think, for a winter and a summer pregnancy. And a kit was early and I could feel, I felt heavier. And it's harder when you've got a toddler, you know, that you need to be looking after.

10:40You can't just go, oh, I'm off for a rest. So Kit arrived. He was probably my most straightforward birth. He kind of flew out, which sort of explains him generally. And you think, oh, OK, well, I've got one and I know what I'm doing and this will be fine. And then you have another baby and they're completely different and you'll think, actually, I'm not fine. What's going on? and it was intense, like having two under two and very different characters, completely opposite. I don't know why I thought they would be the same but you kind of have this preconceived idea that, okay, that worked for one.

11:23Like Lola, I used to just wrap up a bag of toys, you know, in those kind of bags that you can gather your toys in and I'd just put it out and she'd just sit on the mat and play with her toys. I thought it was just perfectly normal. Whereas then I'd kit and it was like, oh, this isn't, you know, this is not how he's going to play. It took me a really long time to adjust. Can you remember how you felt going from one to two? Was there a feeling of, oh, I've got my routine down with the one, I know what I'm doing? Yeah. And did any apprehension sort of come in? Because obviously, you know, we all feel very lucky to have the children that we do.

12:01You know, we've all gone through a lot of things to get there. But I think there's those certain natural things that might come into play alongside that. Yeah. And I say this just with the disclaimer that I love my children, every part of my being. Yeah, but we're here to complain and moan about our children. I did reach moments where I just felt just someone take him. Not forever. Just someone take him for the afternoon. I cannot do this. he was just he was so pretty he looked so lovely as a baby and he was just this gorgeous little boy but he just whinged all the time and Lola was kind of you know wanting my attention and I couldn't give her the attention that I was used to giving and it was just so intense and I definitely found the transition from one to two harder than two to three.

13:02Really? I don't know how you, I don't know where you fit in that. Well, I think the fact is as well, like let's not be around the bush here. Like Lola was just an easy baby. Can I just say, I know I've said this to you two before, but I can remember clearly because there's three weeks between Lola and Buddy. Yeah. And I can remember clearly us two breastfeeding in my room, but I was both sat on the bed. Yeah. And at one point you went, oh no, oh no, she's having a meltdown. She's having a meltdown. And she was literally going, that was it and I was like oh my god Rachel Bunny starts because his mouth is open it's like a trumpet coming out I mean you were spoiled we were so spoiled and I was literally like why is everyone complaining about having kids this is easy I was like this is just I was just so completely utterly and also that feeling of I know what I'm doing I'm getting this right and I was so like annoyingly obsessed with her I thought she was literally the still do like the perfect child and she was just a joy and that's why I think we were just like oh let's have another one so there's not a big gap you know and then Kit came along and it was like oh okay I get it now like this is what it's really like You said something amazing actually the last time you were on Izzy which was something like in the night times or whenever you want to whenever you feel like you aren't quite sure in a situation don't go to Google just wait wait for your mother instincts to kind of kick in and tell you what to do.

14:28Because otherwise we are so used to kind of getting different bits. Mother's instinct is so strong. I think the strongest moment I have had probably more recently was when Kit started school. He was born August 26th. And I really, really strongly felt he wasn't ready and I wanted to hold him back a year. But we didn't because everybody is saying, no, keep him in the year, keep him going. And that might be fine for another August 26th baby. But as a mum, I was like, I just don't think he's ready. But I didn't react. I didn't listen to my instincts. But sure enough, we have now put him back a year.

15:06It's the best decision we've made. But it is that constant reminder to trust your instinct. Well, it's knowing what your instinct is, instinct versus anxiety and irrational thoughts. So it's trying to, you know, figure out which one's speaking, your gut or your anxiety. Yeah, very true.

15:41Today we have two guests on. One of them actually spent a lot of many, many, many years as a flight attendant. So knows all about travelling around. And that's pretty good because since then, since meeting, they have travelled together. And that is something as parents, I think a lot of us think about travelling, but also think about how horrendous it would be to travel with kids. But these two do it. It's the Travelling Gaze. Hi, Douglas and Sandy. How are you? Very well. How are you? How are you, babe? obviously you've kept traveling it's i think it's one of the things i really well it's not i love following you guys but also seeing the adventures that you go on are so inspiring as as a parent but also you know you you travel to places and you make it accessible to people who might be worried about a variety of different things traveling with children we do we do our best like i think it's it's definitely something that we don't do as much as we used to and you know but we did go for example to florida with um to put the tickets before we realized yeah when questions of having a baby so i was like is this going to be okay with our other friends who had a baby just after us few days so we had like two like maybe 10 month old not even that like six month olds um but actually going on particularly when you go you worry about things like the time differences but we just kept them on that same routine of like by the time we got there and it was the evening we just put them to bed at the same time as if it was that time we thought we found the ultimate hack taking them to Greece we were like we'll just live our best life but two hours backwards so we thought we were out for drinks at nine which is really seven o 'clock at home they were like dashing back and then putting her to bed so actually we were like we stayed out till nine o 'clock tonight but really it was only seven and that was her bedtime but we just literally didn't we didn't differ from the routine but in the last couple of weeks, Aria's routine's gone away.

17:38So she's suddenly decided, I'm not sleeping anymore, guys. See ya. What we realised as well, actually, and the grannies are rubbing their hands at this, we can't even travel with a granny now because we've got three under two. Oh my gosh! That blew our minds too. Yes! Oh my gosh! You need me to come on your holidays. All of them. Do you think Aria understands at all what's about to happen? And have you thought about how you're going to, I'm guessing Aria is going to go over there with you, over to the US with you. Yeah, yeah. With some grannies. Yeah. With some grannies, all the grannies. So we like, we literally, you know, I think we're very, we recognize as well, we're very fortunate to have a support system to help us in this way, because I think it would be, you know, even like getting home and even, you know, we're in a different state without family you know it'd be tough you know when the baby babies come what you know i really need someone there too most people with twins and and or three kids under two would be like we are not traveling for at least 10 years you're going to be doing it within weeks well that's why i said i was like i don't think there's i don't think we'll be going on uh any trips anytime soon you'll have to change your instagram handle guys

19:04today's guest appeared on our screens during the very early days of Maiden Chelsea since then she has gone on to create very successful businesses and at the end of 2021 she welcomed her son Leo the birth was not straightforward and everything since then has not been straightforward. I'm very honoured, actually, to welcome Louise Thompson to the podcast. I had loads of moments like that, which were first moments. They were lightbulb moments. And again, normal people wouldn't be thinking about these things, but I honestly would be like, I can't believe I've just walked the dog on my own. And I can't believe I've just driven, because I didn't drive for a really long time.

19:48I didn't go to the supermarket with Leo and do the normal, like oh putting him in the trolley thing and like the kind of like cool mom things even I didn't carry him in in a in harness like on my own for ages I didn't really do anything on my own but then there were things weirdly that I think we did that I probably wouldn't have done had the circumstances been like a bit more normal um but Ryan and I would go out and do things like on the weekend so we took Leo to the zoo or we like went swimming and I don't know how we did those things and i didn't even think i was like really feeling very alive but so yeah maybe when he was like three or four months old like i took him swimming got a picture of it sort of did it because it felt like the right thing to do but there was not a lot of like conscious thought that was was going on well when you say about your your day literally you were you were at your max by spending five minutes with Leo like that was your you know which we know you love your baby we know you know caveats to that but your mental state your physical state was such that that was your limit like being able to you know how were your you know your feelings towards motherhood or anything like that was that just such a far away concept because you were living in this constant state of fear I didn't feel like a mother like I didn't I didn't look I couldn't even really compare myself to the norm or I think what I didn't realize is that I was triggered by Leo but it took me a long to actually appreciate that like the crying I remember once holding him and he was crying loads and I and I genuinely didn't know what was going on and I just remember like looking up to the skylight in in my house like between our kitchen and living room and actually just praying and being like because I just even in that moment like I didn't know how I was going to get through that moment I didn't know what was going on like I literally was just like please please someone like look after me like in this moment like can I just get through I you know and that's obviously like really horrible and extreme and you know then then there were moments where say we did go to Devon for Easter and I would go out and not have packed anything in a baby bag.

22:36I didn't have water. We went out and someone was like, oh, yeah, we needed the baby, Leo, who now, you know, we are best friends. Absolutely. So I'm just so grateful that my son has a mother that's still alive and that we have this amazing connection. and Louise it's okay to have had this is such a a big traumatic thing that happened to you no one could possibly hear your story hear your experience and judge you for not being able to be the mother that you you wanted to be like this is so much bigger than packing water you know what I mean thank you because I know I'm not a bad person. No. And I never would have wanted this for me or him.

23:28Like, none of this felt like a choice. Yeah. It wasn't a choice. Like, I didn't have a choice. Like, I couldn't... I was doing my best to stay alive. All I wanted to do was die. Like, I just wanted someone to kill me because I didn't have the strength or courage to do it myself. But I knew I had to stay alive because I did think... Because, you know, I would have, like, okay moments that would give me hope. But, yeah, you know, I had, like, a lot of, I mean, I was, yeah, I was not a good present mother at the beginning, and I will admit that.

24:11And it's taught me a lot. And then, you know, whenever I did feel okay, it would really be a priority for me to then put in, like, a really really good shift and to really connect with him and to really look into his eyes and be like this is like I'm your mum like and this is going to be okay and like let's be best friends did you feel like part of you you had to allow yourself to to lean into that I mean because I I imagine from everything there must have been blocks you know what I mean so to be able to kind of push them aside and lean into that you know I know that in the book you say about you saying that to someone about having five minutes and then going okay tomorrow let's do six you know and kind of building on that do you think part of it was allowing yourself to slowly become the mum that you wanted to be you know slowly letting and also letting letting Leo in yeah yeah i think it was like i had to sort of train my brain to allow it the right yeah my brain had to believe that i was safe enough to look after someone else and to have relationships with other people and that really did take time and it was a let's build on this like slowly kind of over time you know little little milestones

25:49today's guest has been on love island on celebrity karaoke club and celebs go dating she is also the mum to little bonnie today's guest is laura anderson the reason people get stressed is they are not themselves comfortable and familiar in that environment so it's not that often that you're on a plane like you're comfortable in your surroundings in the house because you're used to it you know where everything is you know what the baby needs so when you go into a new environment and you're stuck there for seven hours you know you panic for me i'm so familiar with that space i know what i can get what i can't get you know I still had to do a lot of planning and even each time I did travel with her I learned something new um and a lot of my friends have babies who live in Dubai and they're always traveling back and forth so I was asking so many questions I'm always yeah I'm always watching things on Instagram videos I always screenshot things save things oh my goodness like the amount of baby stuff like that I've got saved in albums just any little hack can save you an hour or you know so yeah and just being organized and even booking certain flight times like I used to not want to book the night time because I thought maybe I didn't want to disturb her sleep then it's actually better if she's sleepy now I think so I would rather do a night flight and then even just the configuration of the aircraft I know so I know where it's going to be noisier you know and like I've got the duna which I love it goes you know the car seat to the stroller and then I still put her on my chest and the harness because then I can use both hands so there's loads of things that I've learned but I would definitely say a lot of people did message me the first time I went solo with her and they said I've always wanted to go on holiday and it's just me and my little boy you know something like a different story each time and you've made me feel like i can do it because you don't want to miss out just because and people are so helpful and if they're not just look like you're struggling a little bit more and they might come over i've definitely definitely been like had to go through the security line and stuff and then kind of had to hand like just looked at the stuff going oh i don't know what to do hand the baby to someone yeah or you keep the baby and they can take something else all that yeah you're like i just want a break here you go now they usually want to carry the cute baby don't they um but i found a different experiences different airports you know different airlines it depends but i've had some good experiences where people are really helpful but do you think things like crying on on flights and stuff i think it's something that we all panic over like but do you think because you've seen it so much I mean as I say she's usually quite good but with the crying like I just move around I couldn't sit in one spot and let her cry in front of people I would be mortified and I know that it is what it is and you shouldn't care but it makes me feel uncomfortable and to be honest just with Bonnie she would probably just want a change of scenery or want to be held or picked up or walked around anyway so that is just what what I would do I do feel like when you walk on with a baby and you see someone like looking at are they going to sit beside me and then you think oh no and I feel like maybe I was guilty of it when I was younger I didn't have a baby because you just think oh I just want to sleep and they're going to be kicking off because usually people are tired when they're travelling so I think it's okay to feel like that but it isn't nice for the parent If you could write a letter on motherhood who would it be to and what would you say?

29:32If I could go back in time maybe write it to myself Or maybe give it to Bonnie for when she's older and she becomes a mum. And I would just say, trust your gut. I think mum, you know, not guilt, mum gut. We do have a bit of a superpower. I'm sure dads, you know, dads as well. That you just kind of know what your child needs. You can get all the information from everywhere. And then you just know how to make the right decision. Because you're just connected, I think. So just go with your gut and trust your gut and make decisions that are right for you and your baby, I think. So there you go. Trust your gut and celebrate the wins, no matter how big or small this summer.

30:19I'll be back next week with a brand new guest. But for now, I'm going to head into that greenhouse with Tuaama Tomatoes before the kids finally. Bye!

30:35Thank you.