Ashleigh: PTSD, isolation, and self-acceptance

0:00Hello and welcome to Happy Place with me Fern Cotton. Today something that's going to make your heart so happy. I'm chatting to a young woman who's worked her way through some real mental health struggles She's called Ashley I think acceptance was the thing that took me the longest I spent so long in denial and again it just comes back to anger and it took a lot of grieving It took me so long to actually believe that my experience was valid It did happen Everybody's so quick with their opinions and it's not that your experience isn't valid but it becomes somebody's got it worse off than you. I'm now such a firm believer in nobody's got it worse off than you.

0:43Everybody experiences things differently. So for me to actually say it and then believe it and accept it was a really, really hard blow. Ashley has overcome a lot of mental health challenges over the last few years. She was diagnosed with PTSD, which was causing her to experience anxiety, depression, facial tics and a stammer for the first time. As a result of her health, she was signed off work from her role in community care. She was appointed a community psychiatrist nurse and joined support groups, all helping her to start addressing her trauma. It was during this time that Ashley realised she wanted to make a career out of helping other people who've experienced mental health issues.

1:26So having seen an advert for the Prince's Trust Enterprise programme, she reached out to the charity as a first step to starting her business. The Prince's Trust is an amazing charity. I'm a goodwill ambassador for mental health and well-being for them and I'm extremely proud of that role. They help support young people aged 11 to 30 and believe that every single young person should have the chance to succeed no matter their background or their personal challenges. They offer support into education, training and jobs and that's exactly what they did for Ashley. It was a real privilege to get to chat with Ashley, who you'll hear tells her own story beautifully.

2:11She's incredibly articulate about what she's been through. She's also about to express how resilient she has been and the strength that she has gained during this at times excruciating journey. She also explains brilliantly how the Prince's Trust have just helped change her life, turn it around. I've been lucky enough to meet so many young people through the Trust who have had an experience like this. And it always feels like a total honour to sit back and listen to these beautiful stories. And if I were you, I'd suggest you stick around right until the end because there is a brilliant surprise in store.

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5:18Ashley, hello my love. Hello. How are you? I'm okay. How are you? I'm good. Bit nervous? Very. we were just saying off mic it's literally just us having a chat no one else is listening just some listeners but for them no one just us having a nice chat first of all so that we can all get to know you a bit better tell us about yourself what do you think is important to tell me about yourself right now so i'm 27 yeah i'm from scotland and i have been working with the prince's trust to launch a mental health business so I instruct mental health first aid and it's come from my personal experience within dealing with mental health problems various issues and life experience yeah the main thing that's really got me through is definitely my dog oh my little my little pumski what's your dog called blue blue pets are the best thing ever they are their comfort and their joy and their companionship.

6:17The thing I like most about pets is that they love you unconditionally and you can't get into an argument with them. It's just easy. I can. He is mostly husky, so it's like having a furry toddler. Oh, so sweet. Temper tantrums, everything. Oh, lovely blue. They are the best one. They're so, so calming. So look, before we dive deeper into your experience of the Prince's Trust and this amazing idea that you had, let's talk a little bit more about you and where this all started. So you were diagnosed with PTSD. Yeah. How would you say that affected your day-to-day living? It's been pretty chronic.

6:57There was a period of time where I didn't even feel like I could leave the house safely, where I couldn't go to the shops, a lot of things really. I just didn't feel like I could do anything on my own. I had to go with support. There was only specific times where I felt like there were safe times. so if it was outwith a safe time I would have to make sure I'm either with somebody or it's just outwith that it's been very really hard to to deal with it a lot of places that you used to enjoy there's no longer enjoyment out of them either I think I think the most difficult thing was that I've always been a very independent person so to completely lose my independence was really really difficult yeah well it's when you're naturally independent that is a big loss to let go of something like that alongside the complexities of PTSD that could include you feeling extremely low vulnerable and anxious as well did you feel at the time you could talk to anyone about it um I was actually very well supported at the time I had a mental health team in place who were really really good most of the time if I needed anything they were they were there if it was like a letter just to back something up or maybe a medication query it was good that I had the team in place and most things were resolved within a good time frame friends and family I feel like I feel like most of them were quite understanding but sometimes it's just nobody unless you've been through it they just don't understand and it took me a long time in that time like in that period of time where I was so angry and frustrated that they couldn't understand why can't you just go to the shop or why can't you just do this do that and it just wasn't as easy as that and there's still there's still times now where it can kind of be that way but I'm more willing to accept they don't understand but it just is.

9:03Yeah and it's really hard because I think in those moments where you feel like you're misunderstood or you're not quite getting your voice across that can sink you deeper into it and into the loneliness of it as well it's really and you were signed off work during this period yeah yeah it was it was really really isolating there was times where it just went so dark that it kind of it entered a period at psychosis lack of sleep a lot of it came from and again it was anger and frustration about being misunderstood which is it's hard and you kind of not that you you lose faith and that you can go to them but you do it's like but like you feel more of a burden going to people that just don't understand or you kind of put your guard up because you don't want to be shut down or rejected Yeah.

9:54So you, during this time, were finding things that could help you. I know support groups became something that you lent on. I guess even before we get to you, how did that help? I want to know what gave you the strength to actually step out and look for support? Because it's a scary thing to do, especially when you're doing group sessions. That can be really unnerving. So what do you think gave you that push to do that? I kind of started off one-to-one and that was with victim support and at the time I was really struggling I had a I had a support worker and I was really struggling to just talk I developed a stammer and I had facial tics so it was easier to talk on the phone but I couldn't I couldn't get my words out so it became the support that I needed became more of again it goes back to anger frustration because I was getting the support and I needed the support but I felt like it was my fault that I just couldn't I wasn't getting that like I just couldn't get the words out to get the support but my support worker I've been working with her for a couple of weeks probably a bit longer actually before the stamina actually came out and she was very patient and understanding and she did say would you rather do this over text would you rather over email you know she She kind of suggested various options, but then she was also very patient.

11:24Just take your time. I will be here when you... We kind of made a joke out of it eventually when it got to that point. But yeah, it was really difficult. But it was easier on the phone because I was ticking at the same time. So then when I went into a group setting, so I then kind of went to Women's Aid and I went into, it was one-to-one with them, but then they offered. it was very brief one-to-one with them and they offered the own my life course the 12-week program and it was scary I had a one-to-one with the person that runs it and she kind of went into what happens on the course and I've always said that it's very bittersweet because you know that you're going in there not feeling or you're not the only one that's feeling that way which is nice but it's not.

12:19So it was difficult to start off with but then you kind of remember that everybody's in the same boat as you are. Yeah. And there was quite a few dropouts. There was only two of us that made it to the end. Wow. Yeah. You must be extremely proud of yourself for sticking with it because it's not easy, this stuff. It's really not. How did you feel opening up about your experiences and how you were feeling at the time? Because again, that is a quite obscure thing to do at times to actually share what's going on in your head. It can be a really lonely place when you've got lots of thoughts and worries going on.

12:52How was it actually saying those words out loud? I think acceptance was the thing that took me the longest. I spent so long in denial. And again, it just comes back to anger. And it took a lot of grieving. And I just couldn't believe. It took me so long to actually believe that my experience was valid. it did happen because I feel like a lot of people everybody's so quick with their opinions and it's not that your experience isn't valid but it becomes somebody's got it worse off than you and it's I'm now such a firm believer in nobody's got it worse off than you everybody experiences things differently but it's just I minimized everything so much and I just didn't think that anything was as bad as what it was so for me to actually say it and then believe it and accept it was a really really hard blow really really hard blow I think so many people do this and I've interviewed countless people in this exact setup that have been through exactly that process of minimizing what they've been through the circumstances that they're enduring because they feel like this is how you get through it you you have to be resilient and you have to just go, nope, there's other people out there that are going through way worse or whatever.

14:13But actually, until you look at the pain and the suffering or whatever it is that you've personally gone through, you can't heal from it. Because if you're not actually looking at it properly, you can't. You know, to a degree, I've absolutely been through that situation in my own version of events. And until you can go, do you know what, this pain is valid, or these uncomfortable feelings are valid. Until you do that, there's no movement. You're sort of almost stuck in this weird limbo land of not getting better.

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15:46Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Dr. India Woods here. As a veterinarian, I demand a lot of my scrubs on the job. That's why I show up in figs. Figs are made for the sometimes crazy situations I find myself in. It doesn't matter if I have to squat, sit, bend, or even chase after one of my patients. Figs moves with me and keeps me comfortable in the highest pressure situations. Figs gives me one less thing to worry about. Get 15 % off your first order by visiting wearfigs.com and use code FIGSRX at checkout. That's wearfigs.com, code FIGSRX. talking to you now you don't have any tics you don't have any facial tics I'm sure that has been a long and complicated process at times but what things do you think stand out in your mind that have really helped you get to a place where you're not back where you were sometimes it's actually quite difficult and I will openly admit that sometimes it's good days and bad days sometimes it's you're on top of the world and others you're back it not rock bottom but you're back in that low and it's just I mean healing isn't linear it's ups and downs but I'm still very much my own worst enemy and it's beating myself up about why are you so down you should be happy but it's that you should you should you shouldn't you should just accept where you are and accept that you know life life is constantly moving there's always going to be something that might trigger you or not set you back but of similar kind of essence but um yeah acceptance has been the hardest the hardest thing that I've had to go through I think yeah and that's its own journey you know after you've managed to sort of land on acceptance that's a whole other process and I think it's really good that you're openly saying you know what good days and bad days it's not like you can sit here today going and I'm fixed yay everything's great nobody can do that no nobody out there can do that it's a real bumpy ride but hopefully with glimmers of light and moments of realization that can be utterly game-changing and that's where I think hope comes into the picture and I think we all need to hear stories like yours because there's hope and there's change and that's so positive which leads us nicely on talking about the Prince's Trust which I know has been a big part of your experience since.

18:26So at what point in your diagnosis and your journey to feeling better did you think well I'd quite like to help other people actually here when did that thought arise I'd always kind of known that that was kind of the path that I wanted to take it wasn't I was destined for it took a lot of experience to realize that's possibly where I wanted to go um and there was it was February it was February 2018 where I was completely at rock bottom didn't think that there was any way out didn't think that I was going to make any progress or see anything go forward. And I promised myself from that point that I would become the person that I needed when I was in crisis.

19:14And it was a really, really up and down journey. And I contacted the Prince's Trust, I think it was about March 2022, because I just didn't know. I had all these ideas and I didn't know where I wanted to go at all with any of them and then I was assigned my support worker Carolyn and we put a lot of ideas down on paper and then just moved forward with things it was quite a slow process because of things that I was going through and a lot of healing and work that I needed to do but we've made it to the point we are now It's so exciting. I mean, I can tell you're like smiling the whole time you're talking about this, which is just pure joy.

20:01So tell us about the idea. Tell us about what catalyzed it and where you're at with it today. When I was signed off, I was just looking for things to do to kind of figure out where I wanted to go with it. And I was eligible for the ITA, which is through, I think it was through skills development. It's through the government scheme. So I got a funding application with them. and I did a mental health first aid course so it qualified me to be mental health first aider and it was actually quite lucky that on the course there was a lot of dropouts so there just ended up being me and the instructor so we kind of just got to talking and it was like okay how can I how can I do this so I got a lot of help from the instructor and then did my course got the certification and then she passed me on to the next steps and things but it kind of took a while to then think okay this is this is what I want to do and how am I going to do it because I wouldn't have been able to do the course either without the funding that I got from Prince's Trust so to have somebody that actually helped me pave the way and the funding as well I wouldn't have been able to do it without any of them so where are you at today with it so you you did the course you got your certification where did that lead your your creative brain to to go next it's still buzzing.

21:22I love it. I've got all these ideas just going around and I just need to get them down and see where I'm going to go but I'm starting with the mental health first aid so I've been doing loads of networking lately and I've got a few clients lined up and obviously with budgets and things they just renewed in April so I think within the next few weeks that's it it's going to be all systems go but um yeah I've got a few few clients lined up and I'll be qualifying them most mental health first graders. How incredible and this came from a realization that you had that the more professionals out there need this certification they need that qualification because you felt that it was lacking yeah in your own experience.

22:04Yeah I definitely felt like there were certain professionals that I had dealt with like frontline support and things and they just didn't have a clue how to how to help anybody that was experiencing a mental health crisis and I think once you kind of go into that sector as well you can then start seeing more and more of where the services are lacking and then Covid obviously spurred on a lot of you could see it a lot more during then and I feel like things are there's a lot more people that are in my position where they have that experience and then they want to go on to do something like this and you definitely see a lot of that when you go into this sector but I still feel like there's so much more that could be done.

22:48Yeah. Have you not already been working with the police force? Is that right? I'm trying. I'm trying to. That's what I feel like they would really benefit from the mental health first aid support because there was a lot of officers. A lot of them were brilliant. They were really, really good and there were some that I just felt were lacking, completely lacking with how to deal with any kind of crisis. And it's something that I would really like to bring in to Police Scotland. There's a lot of officers I did speak to just to kind of gauge an idea to see what their training was within the force.

23:20And it's just an online course. So I would love to just get in there and teach. Yeah. And also, I think what's so valuable about what you're doing is not only are you deeply passionate about this and you know that it's lacking, but you've been there. You've done it. You understand what it's like to be on the receiving end of someone that doesn't necessarily have the tact or skill. to deal with really serious subject matters. And it seems, I guess, bizarre that it isn't a given that that training would be there, considering we know how many people are suffering with mental health illnesses. We know about the certain situations out there where there will be people in mental distress.

23:59And that's got to be looked at and that's got to be dealt with appropriately. So it's so brilliant. What do we need to get the police on board? We need to convince them right now this needs to happen. Just do it. Why are we hesitating? Why are we even thinking about this? Just say yes. Get Ashley there. Thank you. Come on, we're going to make this happen. I'm going to petition. It's so, so brilliant. And I think not only does your personal story give people out there hope, knowing that you can come from a place of, like you've said in your own words, rock bottom and being debilitated by PTSD, that you can actually be out there thriving.

24:36And yes, there are good days and bad days, but you're out there doing something you love. I think that's amazing. But I think also the fact that you're creating societal change in the most positive way is huge. Are you able to process that and to see how well you're doing? Because it can be a strange thing to sort of pat yourself on the back. Sometimes. Carolyn's very good at reminding me of that. Good. Because you do kind of get lost and it's always the what if, what if. And you get lost in that and it becomes clouded. But I'm lucky. I'm lucky I've got a good support network that reminds me where I was and where I am.

25:14And sometimes you do just need to take the step back and listen to those reminders and appreciate. You might not be where you want to be, but you're on the right path to getting there. Just appreciate where you are just now. Too right. I mean, it sounds like your experience with the Prince's Trust has been amazing. But tell me what it has meant to you and where you're at in life now working with the Prince's Trust. If I didn't have the support of the Prince's Trust, I wouldn't be able to own my own business. I wouldn't be qualified. I would have the skills and the knowledge from my experience, but nothing that I've applied from doing my courses or even things like the courses the Prince's Trust provided, like business management and things.

25:58There's no way I could have understood tax. That's a big one. I don't think many of us do. Numbers. Oh, it's so brilliant. And also, you were awarded with the Prince's Trust Breakthrough Award for Scotland. How did that feel? Surreal. Completely surreal. Did you celebrate? Yeah, it was good to... That's one of those moments where you are reminded.

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27:54Atlantic Union Bank. Any way you bank. Where you are now, where you have been, how much you've achieved. So it was really, really touching actually to receive it. I bet. Yeah. Well, it doesn't stop there because you've also won the National Prince's Trust Breakthrough Award, Ashley. That's nuts. You've won it. Oh my God. It's yours for the taking. No way. Yes, you're going to the awards ceremony. You've done it. I actually have no words. That's mental. I'm so happy I got to deliver that news Thank you So happy, I was nervous to say it I was like oh my god it feels like a big responsibility but you've won the award and you are so deserving of that title so deserving I'm actually speechless I actually don't know what to say Give us a hug Well done It's amazing Thank you You better pick a frock out I know I have no idea Yeah.

29:02That's too much on the brain. Oh, I'm so happy for you. And I'm so glad that we got to finish this podcast on such a high. I hope you can go and let that sink in and celebrate and then celebrate some more at the Prince's Trust Awards. Well done. Thank you so much. Oh, Ashley, I felt so nervous to deliver that news at the end and super emotional. And I was like, don't cry. she's not crying you can't cry hold it in Fern come on but it was just so wonderful to be part of that experience and that surprise and to see Ashley's utter shock she was shocked to silence and after the interview we went into the neighbouring room at the studios and had a real big hug and a real good chat and she's going to celebrate she's going to head back to Scotland and tell everyone that she knows.

29:55I'm just so utterly chuffed for her. And I was so glad to hear her story today. If you'd like to support the work of the Prince's Trust, know someone who might be in need of their support, or you're interested in finding out more about any of the free courses they have to offer, do visit their website, princes-trust.org.uk to find out more. Are you following us on Instagram? I do hope so. We're at Happy Place Official, and that's the place to share your own stories and be inspired by others too. I'll look forward to chatting to you there. Thank you so much again to Ashley, to the producer Anushka Tate at Happy Play Studios and to you lot, keep up the good work.

31:09We'll see you next time.

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