F*ck Blue Monday: Addressing the Shitty Committee in your mind

0:00Hello and welcome to Happy Place on this Blue Monday. I'm Fern Cotton and I'm here with a little something extra for you today. I want us all to be able to address the shitty committee in our minds. So your brain is the faithful servant, which I call your barking dog. You can spend your whole life training your barking dog, but it's a dog. It's going to bark. Let's not be dog trainers, OK? That is exhausting. You don't take more jobs, which I used to do when I got it, when I'd feel it, because you go, come on, snap out of it. Anything to show up to go, hey, I'm fine. and then you get really ill.

0:35When you go to space, you look back, you think, I'm an earthling. I'm from there. That's mine. And it gives you that kind of sense of responsibility for being a good earthling, if you like. So quite frankly, I want to say, fuck Blue Monday. I don't particularly want anyone telling you or me how we should feel today or on any other day for that matter because however you're feeling right now is completely valid. But if you are in need of a little boost in your mood, head over to at happyplaceofficial on Instagram because you'll find what I hope is a really uplifting little video that will help you make Blue Monday whatever kind of Monday you want it to be.

1:13There may or may not be an appearance from a legendary boy band member. I'll leave that with you. I also definitely don't want you to be brought down by the rubbish voices in your own head today. Mine are often saying things like, you are a piece of shit you are useless there are so many people doing what you're doing in a much better way there's something deeply wrong with you you are flawed etc it goes on and on it's actually quite boring and just to state the obvious we all have this going on we think we're the only ones but we've all got it going on so today you're going to hear from a number of very thoughtful people who've been on the show in the hope that something they say just triggers a tiny mindset or perspective shift for you if you're feeling, well, a bit shitty at the moment.

2:08So to start, you've got Julia Samuels. She's an incredible psychotherapist who came on our gorgeous YouTube series, What Is How To? So this is the first time you're getting to hear her on the podcast, you lucky things. She talks about what the shitty committee actually is. Then you've got author Vex King live from the Happy Place Festival last year. Comedian Ruby Wax and spiritual teacher Sonia Chiquette too. And finally, astronaut Tim Peake, who came on the show to chat about a literal change of perspective, like he was looking back on his life on Earth from actual space. The market's uncertain.

2:49Revenue's tied and hiring on hold. That's why results-driven companies are using Upwork to keep work moving. Go to Upwork.com today and start hiring proven freelance talent fast. No bulky overhead, no rigid long-term contracts, just the right expert right when you need them. Work smarter and faster with Upwork. Go to Upwork.com now and find your freelance expert. That's U-P-W-O-R-K.com. Post a job for free and get started today. I like things my way. My coffee, my schedule, and my treatment. So I talked to my doctor about self-injecting with the new VivGuard Hytrulo Pre-Filled Syringe, which contains F-Gartigamide Alpha and Hyaluronidase QVFC.

3:31It's injected under your skin subcutaneously. Now I can inject in my space on my time. It's my treatment, my way. Visit VivGuardMyWay.com. That's V-Y-V-G-A-R-T MyWay.com and talk to your doctor about Vivgard Hattrulo. Brought to you by Argenics. Bubba Wallace here with Tyler Reddick. You know what's more nerve-wracking than waiting for qualifying results? Waiting for the green flag to drop. Instead of pacing, you rev up with Chumba Casino's weekly new releases. It's like a fresh set of tires for your brain. Play for free at ChumbaCasino.com. Let's Chumba! No purchase necessary. VGW Group. Voidware prohibited by law.

4:09CT &C's 21 Plus. Sponsored by Chumba Casino.

4:16All right, let's do it. Here's the show.

4:40of course grief doesn't just mean death there's all types of flavors of grief can you talk about some of them? Because I think a lot of the time we're going through very painful things without recognising that we're grieving. I think that's so important. So it's what I call living losses. And it has all the emotions of grief, but it isn't death. It could be the end of a relationship. It could be we lose our job. It could be we're moving country. And the level of the grief is equal to the level of the emotional investment in the end. So if it's a very significant relationship and it's a divorce, so divorce of someone who you really believe is the love of your life, really feels like grief.

5:25And I think often divorce, because it is so common, because 50 % of relationships end, the grief isn't legitimized. It's like, oh, it's just another thing. But actually it's a whole grieving process of who am I now? I'm not a wife, I'm not a husband, you probably have to move house, you're not a family as you were. So you grieve for all the future that you expected, as well as the present that you're kind of dealing with. And you've got to let yourself do it. So I think, again, a lot of us just sort of try and push through and soldier on big losses, friendship losses, job losses, whatever, and think, that's ridiculous, I need to just get over myself.

6:01But actually, the healthier thing is to grieve properly. And that shitty committee, that kind of self. I love that. Honestly, I'm going to use that all day. And they have different people, right? Yes, they're horrible. It's a real awful committee of tyrants. Yes. So that shitty committee can really take you out. And then you really turn against yourself. What's so cruel in grief is that you turn against yourself when what you need most is your self-compassion. Because the feelings that we have, we don't like. and then we start saying to ourselves you idiot you're being pathetic just march on and actually we need to be saying okay you feel really sad and give yourself a little time to be sad and then what can I choose to do that will support me given that I'm really sad so that I can you know have my day.

6:53When I was younger I and you know hate is a strong word but at one point I did hate my life I wanted a way out. And I would go and see healers, all kinds of people that would promise change in my life. But really, what they wanted is to fill their pockets. And you feel used and abused. So I say this, and I don't label myself a teacher, a guru or anything like that. I'm just a normal guy that shares messages. But do what works for you. Explore. And the only way you'll know what works for you is if you do some soul searching. Yeah, I think it's really important to talk about this because, like you said, we do have a problem globally with people getting access to mental health care, therapists, etc.

7:40And I think, like you've said, they can be extremely useful and they can really help you work out what you want, who you are, where you want to head to, etc. I think when we pin everything on someone else fixing us, someone else changing our lives, and I've done that over the years. I've thought, this is going to be the one thing that makes me feel okay all the time. That doesn't exist. And I believe it's a Ram Dass quote, but it's something about the real work you have to do is the work within your heart. And the only person who can do that is you. And none of us really want to hear that because we want someone else to bloody do it.

8:19You do it. Just fix me. Tell me what... I want someone... Because I think we have so much messaging as well. I want someone to tell me, no this is the route just do this yeah and I'll go okay I'll do everything you say and everything will be okay but actually we've got to be intuitive like you're saying we've got to find what works for us whether it is journaling meditating therapy whatever and we've got to keep at it like this is again no one wants to hear this but it's all day every day forever there is no quick fix there is no magic cure to any of this stuff we've got to be on it because going back to relationships if you are trying to forge a new path, if you've decided, right, I'm not going to be the person that's unlucky in love.

8:58I'm going to forge a new path. I'm going to talk about things differently. I'm going to show up a bit differently and not bring the baggage of the past in. That's all very well and good going down that path. But as soon as we get knocked, because that is a vulnerable place to be, as soon as we get rejected by someone, Someone says something to us that makes us feel unworthy again. We can so easily fall off track and end up going back on the old path that really didn't work. So how do we, because I think this is really important, how do we keep walking down the right path when we've been knocked?

9:34When we feel like, oh, I've been a fool to try this new path. This new path is not for someone like me. How do we get over that? I think there's two elements. is first there's this acceptance that has to take place, is that no matter where you are in life, you're always going to be knocked back to some extent. You could be feeling great, you can wake up, and as soon as you step outside, like someone cuts you up in traffic, or you get into work and someone's gossiping about you, there's so many challenges that we face throughout life. What I found, especially in the personal development world, And I think I'm guilty of this myself to some extent.

10:17I've read maybe thousands of personal development books. And I think it's good to seek out new information and knowledge. But there's another idea where you keep seeking out epiphanies and new secrets. you're like that's not working now because I've experienced a challenge so I need to go to the new book and that new book is going to have all the answers and then you read that new book you feel slightly motivated or inspired for a month or so and then suddenly you're back to normal because so and so has happened in your everyday life when those knockbacks happen they're actually a good indicator of the work that's taken place there's this famous quote and it said to check if you've actually healed, go live with your family for like a week or something over Christmas and then you'll know if you've actually done the deep healing and the work.

11:12But those moments really highlight how deeply we've met ourselves. I think if anyone's struggling on that path, there has to be that acceptance that takes place and there has to be this responsibility. And the responsibility is that only I can create change within myself. And to see if something actually truly works for me, I have to stick at it. A lot of people will follow like meal plans or exercise kind of regimes. And they'll follow the first two weeks. And we're like, I'm not seeing any results. It's not working. but the regime's for like two months so you have to see it through only when you see it through do you realize if you're aligned to that particular thing the market's uncertain revenues tied and hiring on hold that's why results driven companies are using upwork to keep work moving go to upwork.com today and start hiring proven freelance talent fast.

12:17No bulky overhead. No rigid long-term contracts. Just the right expert right when you need them. Work smarter and faster with Upwork. Go to Upwork.com now and find your freelance expert. That's U-P-W-O-R-K dot com. Post a job for free and get started today. Bubba Wallace here with Tyler Reddick. You know what's more nerve-wracking than waiting for qualifying results? Waiting for the green flag to drop. Instead of pacing, you rev up with Chumba Casino's weekly new releases. It's like a fresh set of tires for your brain. Play for free at JumbaCasino.com. Let's Jumba! No purchase necessary. VGW Group Voidware prohibited by law.

12:56CT &C's 21 Plus, sponsored by Jumba Casino.

13:02But what you were going to say... Acceptance of depression. Oh, yeah. I mean, I know it's going to come, like we talked about, but I can't live in fear of it. But usually the reason I hadn't had it, I think, for 12 years is from the mindfulness, you can spot it early. And it's always about, you know, early warnings. Then I knew to shut down social media. You don't take more jobs, which I used to do when I got it, when I'd feel it. Because you go, come on, snap out of it. You know, you stigmatize yourself more than anybody else. Taking on jobs, going to learn scuba diving in December, going to things, anything to show up to go, hey, I'm fine.

13:39And then you get really ill. So this time I could feel it. You could feel your saliva goes and start. And then your hair gets a different texture. And the voices in your head that usually the normal ones, I'm just an asshole. They start getting faster and faster. And then I go, whoops, let's shut it down. And then you bite your tongue and it passes after a few days rather than five months. It happens for me. it's just the way that I experience life and how I read energy. But I don't believe that is exclusive to me. I believe this is how we're wired. And my mission is to teach people to do this.

14:25You do it when you were born. You do it when you were a baby. You do it until you get to school and other people tell you not to do it. Yeah. So I feel like I am returning you to your original full sensory perceptions and your spirit. So I'm like the guide in the jungle with the light. I'm like, quick, come here, come here, come here. So quickly, you don't have time to think and resist. And you need a very bright torch to be that guide because the amount of shit out there that is blocking out intuition is unreal because it goes against the grain to think, not think like this, to live like this.

15:05This is an experiential thing where you're feeling and you're using your intuition. Whereas most of what we see on a societal level is about intellect and who's better than the next person and what you've achieved. And it's all thought processes rather than a felt experience. So we've got to, the blocks are, it's ego and mind, right? Right. Okay. Now, here's the deal. Einstein said you can't solve a problem from the same place that you created. So what I do, and I have a lot of spirit guides who help me. We're not going to, I don't talk a lot about this. What I talk about, I communicate in metaphor and images because this is how we learn.

15:49So I tell everybody, look, your brain is not the master of your life, okay? Einstein said, the human spirit is our sacred gift, the rational mind, the faithful servant. So your brain is the faithful servant, which I call your barking dog, okay? So you can spend your whole life training your barking dog, but it's a dog. It's going to bark. Yeah. So let's not be dog trainers, okay? That is exhausting. Let's move out of that bad neighborhood where the dogs bark, and let's go back to your spirit. There is no barking dog there, and that is who you are. So let's just say if you're in your head and you're thinking, thinking, thinking, your barking dog is driving the bus into a bad neighborhood, and nothing good will happen there, period.

16:38Don't even care why. No. Don't even care why. But how to get out is very simple. Just start naming what you love. Period. It's like the Pied Piper that will walk you right back to who you are. I mean, I saw you talk about this on Instagram, was it even today or yesterday, about getting out of your head, get into your heart. You have to. We're not used to it, are we? No. The dog is driving the show. And we have to know. See, the dog will tell you, it's very hard. You can't do this. It's very hard. You've got to understand me. You've got to keep digging. It's like, no, that's feeding the dog. I'm going to ignore you.

17:14The burden of being able to try and explain what you've been through and what you've seen is a difficult one. It's one I've tried to embrace because I think we are ambassadors for space as astronauts. It's our job. It's our duty to kind of report back and tell people about what it's like and what we're doing and why we're doing it. But it's very hard. And I remember speaking to Al Worden, who became a good friend from Apollo 15 and talking about his spacewalk. and he kind of looked at me and this was before I flew and he just said you're gonna know when you come back why I find it really difficult to explain what it's about and it is it's that kind of difficulty of when you've left Earth's atmosphere you look back and you see the planet against this black backdrop of space and you get a real shift in perspective you just see see things in a different way and I think it gives you a sense of belonging a sense of unity with earth and a sense of belonging to this place and we all have a sense of belonging we love home and and home starts out very local in your local village or city or wherever it is and then it might be county and then you it might be country and then it might be continent um but when you go to space you look back you think i'm an earthling i'm from there that's mine that's my planet um and it gives you that kind of sense of responsibility uh for being a good you know a good earthling if you like.

18:33And I think it's that kind of, it's that shift. And I think that's what is very difficult to put into words. I think one of the most difficult questions for the Apollo astronauts and time and again, people would just say, so what was it like? And how do you go and walk on the moon and then come back and tell somebody what was it like?

18:54Ah, Sonia and her barking dogs still gets me every time. It's so brilliant and so very visual, which helps me a lot. There's a whole part of that episode where we talk about what breed of dog we have and what we're going to name them. It's quite funny and it might prompt you to do the same. It's all very useful stuff. So do go back and listen to the whole chat if you haven't already. Like I said before, however you're feeling right now is totally valid. But if and when you're ready for a little mood boost, do come over to Instagram at happyplaceofficial because I'll be over there chatting more about how we can all fuck Blue Monday by doing little things like getting outside or cooking up our favourite food and having a little giggle with our mates on the group chat can really help us.

19:38Oh, and by the way, the legendary boy band member may or may not be from Blue. You can see what we did there. You'll have to come over to Happy Place on Instagram to confirm that hot rumour. That's where you can watch our Fuck Blue Monday video. I cannot wait to carry on the conversation with you there. Thank you again to Julia, Vex, Ruby, Sonia and Tim, to the producer Anushka Tate at Rethink Audio and the biggest thank you to you. You go and have a good old chat with your shitty committee. I love you loads.

20:52We'll be right back. No purchase necessary. VGW Group. Void where prohibited by law. See T &C's 21 Plus. Sponsored by Jumba Casino.