Fearne: Why your 40s are ace and how to cope with imposter syndrome

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1:33Fearne Cotton: Hello everyone, this is Happy Place, or welcome along. I hope you're all doing alright. I'm Fern Cotton, and today we're going to chat about some likes and dislikes. So, should we start positively with some likes? Because we want to keep things upbeat as much as we possibly can. I mean, hopefully the whole thing will be, but I'm going to start with my likes. So I've just turned 45, a number that when I was in my teens, I thought was really fucking old. And the thing is, right, when you're 45, there'll be maybe some of you watching this, you're 45 or older. I still identify as, I want to say 24.

2:15Fearne Cotton: That's the age I feel, which is maybe concerning. But I still kind of like the same things. I mean, I've definitely grown because I've been through some shit, but I like the same stuff. And I still feel like as energetic and optimistic and excited by what I do and the people around me as I did when I was 24. But the added bonus of being in your mid 40s is that in that very cliche way, you give less of a shit about things that you don't need to be worrying about. I think certainly when you've lived life for 45 years, you're in that middle age category, you've been through some stuff. By 45, you've most definitely been through some stuff.

3:03Fearne Cotton: You just don't have the capacity to care as much. You just don't. Whether it's having kids, getting married, getting divorced, people around you getting divorced, people dying, whatever it might be, but really personal stuff that we all go through. you go through a certain amount of it and then reach this point where you're like oh right so now I don't have to give a shit about x y and z so I think there are there's like a big perspective shift in middle age and I'm here for it I like 45 I should have worn a badge that says I'm 45 I'll get one let's move on to team happy place Lauren who works on happy place and looks after some amazing other people at my management company.

3:50Fearne Cotton: She's a brilliant, brilliant manager and brain and has is just buzzing with ideas constantly. We love you, Lauren. Lauren says, finding a new series that has three seasons out already. I'm not quite sure what season of what Lauren has just found. But let me tell you, only in the last year, I don't know how I've gone through so many years of life not knowing about this. Only in the last year have I discovered the pure joy that is Below Deck. And lucky for me, there are so many series that I have to catch up on. I'm currently watching the current series, which I'm completely obsessed with. If you watch Below Deck, you'll probably be in the same cycle as me where you watch a series, you absolutely love every minute, every drama, every dynamic, like all the stuff that's going on, whether it's the people coming on board the boat or the staff that are working on the boat.

4:47Fearne Cotton: You get to the end of that series, you're like, oh man. Then literally another series comes straight out and you're like, oh God, it's a whole new crew of people. I don't know who these people are. And you feel really deflated on episode one. Like, I can't remember who these people's names are. Three episodes in, I know them more intimately than my own family. And you've ditched this last season. You can't even remember them. You are so on board, quite literally, with the new cast of people. It is my favourite. I love Captain Sandy so much. If you know Below Deck, you know what I'm saying. Captain Sandy, what a legend.

5:20Fearne Cotton: I've got to get Captain Sandy on Happy Place for an interview. How do I do that? Let's get this ball rolling. If you know Captain Sandy or how I can get in touch with her, I would do anything to get her on the podcast. She'll make it happen. Let's do it. I love it, Lauren. That was very much inspired by you and your brilliant like for this week. Also, you lovely listeners have sent in your likes and dislikes. Elsa said her likes for this week are her grown-up sons. That's so lovely. I don't know, like everyone's got a different idea about parenting, But for me, the older my kids get, the more I enjoy every bit of it.

5:59Fearne Cotton: Like some of my friends are like, oh, I really miss the bit where they're like so cute and they're six and they've got like missing teeth. Yeah, you know, they were cute and adorable and brilliant. But I love the ages my kids are at now. I can see that it's only going to get better as they get older. But having like proper, good, deep conversations with your kids, there's something really cool about that. I'm here for it. So I get you, Elsa. That's gorgeous. Emma says the first signs of autumn. I'm ready for cozy knitwear, candles and crunchy walks. OK, I am really split with this one because the current state that I'm in where we've had a really good, lovely hot summer.

6:38Fearne Cotton: I know it's also been problematic. Hashtag climate change. But there is a bit of me that's like, no, I don't want to lose summer. Don't slip through my fingertips. And I start to get really nostalgic about the summer that's just gone and remembering all the good bits and remembering, remembering like jumping in the sea and having barbecues and I can't bear to leave it all behind. But then when we are fully in autumn, I love it and I forget that I love it. I think I'm going to hate it and then when I'm in it, I love it. Also, I only know how to dress in the autumn and winter. I don't know. What do you wear in the summer?

7:13Fearne Cotton: I don't know what to wear in the summer. I dress like a teenage boy who's on some sort of American soap. I'm basically on Saved by the Bell. That's how I dress. I'm wearing shorts, a baggy t-shirt and Vans for the whole summer. I'll try and wear a dress if I go out, but there's something that feels deeply uncomfortable about like a strappy dress without sleeves. I will do it. I don't feel comfortable. In the winter, Oh my God, get me a pair of corduroy's, get me a chunky knit, get me a massive jacket over that, get a scarf around that neck, a woolly hat on, some big chunky boots, big old thick socks.

7:54Fearne Cotton: Delightful. I understand it. I get it. So Autumn, I am kind of ready for you. Right, we are on to dislikes. Let's go to our listeners ones first. Anonymous says, struggling with imposter syndrome and not feeling good enough at work. What I will say to that, because look, most of us have imposter syndrome. I don't think there's any quick fix to get out of it because we've all got insecurities. We've all got things that we worry about at work. You know, I constantly worry. Are people listening to this thinking, shut up, you're talking a load of old shit? I mean, they absolutely could be. You might be thinking that now.

8:28Fearne Cotton: I think we all have an element of it. It doesn't matter how long you've been doing your job, how qualified you are, what your skill set is. Most of us, I think, have at some point experienced imposter syndrome. That for me is the only way to slightly override it, to look around at your colleagues and think there's at least two other people who feel exactly the same as me. So many people have it, if not the vast majority of people. If you like your job, if you know you're good at it, which you probably do deep down, stick at it. And just as a little daily discipline, look around you and think, I bet blah and blah also are feeling imposter syndrome.

9:04Fearne Cotton: You've got this. My dislike this week is like we're in the sort of beginning bit of the school term. If you've got kids, kids going back to school, why are we getting so many WhatsApp messages? Why? I can't cope. There are so many. The class WhatsApps, because I've got two kids. Some of you like one of my makes it got five kids at school five how do you cope with five separate whatsapp groups that is nuts i've only got two and i'm so overwhelmed with what they're meant to be wearing what day they do sport on what days they've got clubs after school what homework i'm meant to be involved in that apparently uh what the homework is and when they got to do it and when they got to like bring a plastic bottle in because they're making something out of something it's so overwhelming and this is definitely something that my generation of parents did not have to cope with because WhatsApp wasn't invented.

10:04Fearne Cotton: Nor was email. They didn't even get an email. At best, they'd get a letter once a year. We were sent to school and we would arrive home from school and that is where it ended. Take us back to the 80s. Please God. That is my big dislike for this week. Let's get to the team's dislikes. Team Happy Place. Penelope says, what I dislike this week is chronic pessimists. I really struggle with people whose default setting is to assume the worst. I know life isn't always sunshine and rainbows, but that outlook can be exhausting to be around because it is so easy to get dragged into it. The world feels heavy enough without constantly assuming bad intentions.

10:41Fearne Cotton: Yeah, I agree. Look, we all know there's shit going down, not only in the world, but also in our own lives, in our friends' lives. There's constant drama and shit going down, but there are beautiful, brilliant things too. You know, even in my own life, I can see there's a bunch of stressful stuff going on, but also there's total glimmers of joy. I went to Legoland very recently with my children and just to watch them laughing and screaming on all of the rides was extremely joyful amongst stress. So it is easy, like you say, Penelope, to get dragged into the stressful, the bad, the awful, like, and just feel so bogged down by it all.

11:20Fearne Cotton: It's a much easier option. It's so much easier just to feel, you know, I, even when I arrived at the studio today, I spent 10 minutes ranting everyone about things. Why? Like we need to kind of get it off our chest, but also we need to readdress balance. So Penelope, you're very much reminded me of that today. We can sit in the stress for a bit and the drudgery and the shit, and then get yourself out of it and look for hopeful things. And also, I guess if you're hanging out with people that are constantly negative. Get away from them when you can. And also on that note, what I will say is we have very recently recorded what I think is one of the best episodes of Happy Place ever, actually.

12:02Fearne Cotton: It was a conversation that, I mean, it felt too short. This interview could have easily gone on for four hours and the person I was interviewing would have still had something erudite, astute and deeply important to say. And it was along this topic of looking at pessimism versus optimism. And I took a lot from it. So that episode is out next week, next week on Monday. And I think that you'll really enjoy it. So Penelope, that one is for you. But anyone else who feels that, that it's like heavy, that heaviness of people being very negative then next week's episode is a real good one so we got that off our chest hopefully we're all feeling better lighter and also more positive I hope we all are um if not plenty more episodes in our back catalogue to go and listen to covering all manner of subjects thank you so much for listening and I'll see you very soon

13:08Hi, this is Monica Reinagle of Nutrition Diva. Today's show is sponsored by Nature Raised Farms. Grocery shopping can be a little overwhelming, especially if you're reading labels. And in my opinion, chicken shouldn't be complicated, which is why I appreciate Nature Raised Farms. It's chicken that's just chicken, and their lightly breaded chicken nuggets are free from gluten, dairy, and soy. Look for nature-raised farms on your next grocery trip and feel more confident about your choices. Hello, I'm Monica Reinagle, host of the Nutrition Diva podcast. Summer is here and with it, the hot and sticky weather.

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15:07Labor Day deals are on now at Lowe's, in-store and online. Valid through 916, while supplies last. Selection varies by location. See Lowe's.com for more details.