Fearne’s mates have joined the chat! Divorce, overwhelm, and festive drinking games

0:00Hello, I'm Fern Cotton and this is Happy Place and today I've got something a little bit different for you I am joined by Rebecca, Becky, Lucy, Ali and Fran, aka my best mates from school. I always love Christmas, always have, but this year does feel a little bit of an overwhelming. It's been a really hard year, so I'm also really focusing on sort of new beginnings. When you've been a family for so long and you've always done it that way, and then now all of a sudden you're like, oh, well Christmas is still the same, but we're not anymore. It's really easy to get swept up in the magic and, you know, the sodding elf on the shelf.

0:41I think this is a safe space, guys. Do any of us want to be on the school WhatsApp groups? And who cares what someone else thinks? Actually, the majority of the time when people judge you, it's because they're judging themselves. Single at Christmas, SOS. Get the mistletoe out. Never younger again. We are going older. Yes. Mature. Mature. Look after me. Money. Shit together. No matter what we're doing in our lives, we kind of have evolved into like middle-aged together. Like breaking news, glitter, nail polish is allowed from the 10th of December. Do you know what? This was one of those ideas that came from me just having a conversation with a couple of members of the Happy Place team.

1:20We were just having like a really nice general chat about friendships. And I was saying how all of my girlfriends are just, they're always full of advice. We're in a WhatsApp group together and we're all going through stuff like everybody is. And the thing I love about this WhatsApp group is I come away every time feeling better because someone's either sent me a silly meme, told me something I really needed to hear, reminded me of like the love and support around me. And I know that I'm offering the same for them, too. Like we all just love each other and they are wise, brilliant human beings with very funny stories to tell.

1:56Yeah. So we've all known each other since school. some of us since we were five so we know each other we're sisters we're essentially sisters and I love these girls to the boat like I would be lost without them I don't know what I would do I really really don't know what I'd do so we had a lot we wanted to talk about navigating Christmas when you're co-parenting because um for three of us that's the case also grief around Christmas because I mean many people out there have experienced grief around this time of year but I think when there's a loss, this is when you really feel it. So one of my pals has a lot to say about that.

2:33Also being sober around Christmas, because Lucy hasn't drunk now for, I think it's five years, so to sort of navigate December can be a little bit treacherous. We also play a couple of drinking games, which feel free to steal, by the way, because I think if you're looking for some party games, these are some pretty good ones. All right, let's do it. Let's crack on with the show.

3:16so so this episode of happy place is a little bit different to normal because I have got five of my best friends in the studio for a chat. It's just going to be a gang of middle-aged gals having a chat. Oh my God! Middle-aged? That's middle-aged. That's what we are though. I mean, I know we identify as 22, but we are, I think we are like peak middle-aged. Now there are only six of us here today. Normally there's seven, but Hayley lives in New York, so time difference, but also she would be really late. So he definitely wouldn't be here yet. We're just going to crack on without her. So the backstory is we've all known each other since we were five slash some of us 11.

4:02We went to the same schools and we also lived in the same town. Some of us like one street from the other. I could get to your house, Lucy, in about 45 seconds, I think. Yeah, I think I could see your garden from my bedroom window. Correct. So we know each other inside out, but you're going to get the opportunity to do the same now. So we're going to have a good old chat. First of all, let me introduce my gang to you, everybody. Ali, you look like you're about to literally shit yourself. I'm really enjoying myself. Okay, good. How are your face? I feel very good. Shitting myself is my happy face.

4:37Okay, we'll start with Becky. Becky to my left. Becky, who would regularly sprain her ankle as a kid. I mean, like, every month. Probably every week, actually. Every week? You just got weak ankles? On the puss with the fat ankle? Constantly. Rebecca, who just this summer drunkenly sang Fog on the Tyne to Declan Donnelly. That actually happened. How do you feel about that? Key moment of my life. He really enjoyed it, actually. But did he? Yeah, I think he did. There was a point where Ali, this was at a party at my house, Ali was looking at me going, oh, it was million. Make a cent.

5:16Fran, who used to regularly wait outside Elstree Studios for Paul Nichols, and once I went along for the ride. Twice maybe, I think you get it. And we saw him in the car, but never in real life. Yeah, we used to throw gifts at him in the car, just to keep on driving. She's there again, drive. We're so in love with him still. Such a shame. Lucy, who used to sit in the front row of English class because she fancied the teacher. Not true. Absolutely not true. Fake news. Fake news, everyone. And Ali, who once tried to stay in Greece I knew it would be fun in love with a glass collector. I knew it would be that intro.

5:5443 years of existence and that's still my wildest moment. That's your legacy. So good. I stand by it. So look, we are going to have a chat about all sorts today. I thought where we should begin is talking about this time of year because it's a weird time of year. There's all this hype around it. And also for us as mums, there's so much to organise and sort out. It can be a real mix of emotions. So heading towards Christmas, now we're in December, how do we all feel? Ali, how are you feeling about December? I feel like it's an emotional roller coaster. I feel like with young kids, it's really easy to get swept up in the magic and, you know, the sodding elf on the shelf.

6:36And I'm trying to stay magical with them. Also, it comes with massive overwhelm, financial overwhelm, emotional overwhelm, school WhatsApp groups going off. It's been a really hard year. So I'm also really focusing on sort of new beginnings. I'm one of those creeps that's like, I love a New Year's resolution. I love, you know, the end of one year, the start of another. So, yeah, I've manifested the shit out of 2026. I'm like, I'm ready. Yes. So, yeah, it's an emotional one. But, yeah, I feel like that's my bag. That's my vibe. I mean, we were all talking on WhatsApp the other day about this year was the year of the snake.

7:19Because we've all of a sudden, like, jumped on this Chinese thing. And then the next year is the year of the horse. And it sounds really optimistic. Fire horse. Fire horse. And the snake is about shedding. Yes. So you're getting rid of it all. And you've got until February. So it's not January 1st. Because it's Chinese New Year. So you've got to get rid of all your shit. It's weird. And then you're ready to bolt on that horse. We're doing it. With your fire chariot in hand. Yes. We're doing it. Yeah, and ride into 2026. Franny, how are you feeling? Like me, you co-parent over Christmas, so it's always, you know, complex.

7:52How do you feel about that? Yeah, it's such a weird one because I think the thing is with Christmas, it comes around every year, so it's always the same. So you're like Christmas again, Christmas again. So then when you've been a family for so long and you've always done it that way and then now all of a sudden you're like, oh, well, Christmas is still the same, but we're not anymore. Do you know what I mean? and it's a massive adjustment for you and like you said us mums we take everything on so you're trying to have that adjustment for yourself but also for your kids as well constantly making sure are they going to be all right can they deal with this do you know what i mean so it's a tough one but i think you just gotta in my head now i'm like do you know what it's one day it's one day i'll get through it like i've got through all the other crap days i've had in my life i'm still here to tell the tale, we'd be all right.

8:41The kids will open a present. Let's be honest, that's all they really care about. Do you know what I mean? Yes, correct. They'll be happy. Yeah. And then that's it. And like Ali said, new horizon, and you never know what the next year is going to hold for you. And next Christmas, maybe better. Yeah, exactly. And that's a really sensible approach. And it is one day. It's crazy. There's this whole furore around one day. I mean, Lucy, you don't drink. And that, I find, December is tricky for that because there's Christmas parties and there's lunches and everything comes with booze. How do you navigate that?

9:14Well, I think because I haven't drank for nearly five years now, so it's been quite a long time. I don't even think about it because there's so much. I mean, I'm, as you know, greedy, so I like the food. So the food is more than enough. You know, I like the profiteroles for breakfast over the Christmas holidays, like anything to do with the food. So I like, I love the build-up to it, but I think it's really overwhelming. Like really overwhelming. There's just so much like with schools that you've got to get ready for the kids. Then you've got all the stuff at the house to do. And then if you've got people over for Christmas, so there's just, it's busy, busy and stressful and you kind of need a month off after it.

9:53You do. But yeah, I think, yeah, I don't, the drinking doesn't bother me. It's just as long as I've got like loads of food. It's amazing you've done five years though. I can't believe it's so amazing. It's gone so quickly. I can't imagine five years without a hangover. Yeah. But now if I feel sick, I'm like really annoyed. I'm like, oh my God. And I used to do this to myself on purpose. Like if we went for a night out or something, I'd feel sick the next day. And now I can't actually stand the feeling of being sick at all. Yeah. And I think we can relate to that. Code red. I think we can have me under the sick bus.

10:29Rebecca, you navigate Christmas with grief in the mix with your mum not being here. How have you coped with that over the years? I think it was, we had a couple of Christmases when my mum was really ill and we weren't sure if she was going to make it. And then she did and she did. We had two Christmases of her being ill and that was really hard. And then when she passed, I think you start to really dread Christmas because it just becomes something that brings up so many emotions. And it's such a hard time for so many people who have lost people or going through something. and I think Christmas can be the worst time of the year for so many and I think I had that for a few years but now I'm trying not to be like that and it does change you.

11:15It makes you see things so differently when you don't have people around you who you like want to be with at Christmas and you have to concentrate on the good things about it which I would say is wearing a pair of sparkly bell bottoms and just living like Christmas. It's such a fun time. actually, if you just don't think about being overwhelmed, because there are so many things. We are concentrating on negative things, but there are positive things. Seeing each other right now is really nice. You get to see more people over Christmas that you don't probably see any other time of year. Wearing your best outfits.

11:52I went out on Saturday in London and everyone's dressed up and it's just so nice to see everyone wearing, just glammed up to the max, which you just don't see any other time of year. I just love that about December for me is the best time for fashion. So yeah, you can just wear whatever you want at 10am, put your sparkly dress on. Heaven. And it's fine because it's Christmas. What we should mention is you're a knitwear designer. So this is like a deep core. This is a passion. And like knitwear at this time of year, I mean, I'm in my element. It's amazing. It is the best. Layers like knit on knit.

12:27Knit on knit. Knit on knit. Fluffy, pure fluff is just the best way to be. and it just gives you that comfort feeling, doesn't it? So I'm always dressed up to the max in all my knits in December and January. And that's what makes it better for me. Just embrace the fashion and that makes you feel good. As I said when we all walked in, I knew at least three of us would be in sequence. We've got four of us, actually. And Fran would obviously be in leather. Yes. Sexy Franny. Sexy Franny. Franny one, two, three. Got to get that. Franny B one, two, three. Franny B. One, two, three. For any gents watching, there's going to be about two.

13:06Fran is single currently, so just putting that out there.

13:12Get the DMs going. Oh, Fran. Becky, you have got a baby in the mix. This is your second Christmas with baby Cherry. It is my second Christmas. Last year she was two months old, so couldn't really. It was kind of a very different Christmas for me. Not that I remember much of it. I was in the haze of the newborn bubble. so this year I am there is an element of excitement because I think for my daughter she's starting to know light she's starting to understand you know what's going on and you know historically for me as you all know I have a really big family so Christmas has always been really important you have like 50 people for Christmas lunch or something absurd around that yeah so I always love Christmas always have but this year does feel a little bit about overwhelming I don't know if it's because I've got a daughter in the mix or if it just feels generally more pressure like financially like I feel the cost of living crisis you know there's a hell of a lot of pressure I think that is actually making it slightly more overwhelming than usual um and I think I just feel like it's not enough time in the day like yeah I just I'm at that stage where I do love it but I'm also quite looking forward to being in the new year and like the other girls you know the year of the horse and just I think you know I think we're such Chinese I've read one thing on Instagram I only found out in December it was the year of the snake I love that but I also love that we're approaching a new year in a way we may not have done 20 years ago before it'd be like where are we going for New Year's Eve What are we doing?

14:52And now we're like, just get me to January. It's a fresh start. I want to get on with it. We used to historically, always on Christmas Eve, go to Barisa in Watford, obviously. That was a big night out, which was flawed because Christmas Day you would feel like absolute dog shit. You would feel so bad. But that was fun. Is anyone doing a Christmas Eve drinking night? I wish. I would love to be going down to the pub. Yeah, we're going to the pub. What are we going to wear? you know I'd love I really wish we were so Ali you mine? yeah we are yeah yeah yeah my boys love it we go to our local my sister comes with my kids yeah sorry yeah yeah yeah I'm going to say oh no margarita fucking live it up yeah no it's a new tradition and my kids really like it so yeah I plan to get drunk I tried to find some pictures of Barisa they're like in the depths of my cupboard somewhere but we had some good nights out there it was amazing oh the bar because it was a square bar so you could walk around the bar.

15:53You used to do a lap. Do a lap. We'd say we're going to do a lap. You've already fit these. I'm just going to do a lap. I'm just going to do one more. With you Bacardi Breezer. Just waving at everyone you know. Yeah, exactly like the queens of Watford. Is Barista still there? No. What is it? I think it's like a walkabout or something. It's changed again. But the DJ has had a comeback and has a whole following now. We've been to a couple of his nights and you like literally like, oh, I know you from Bariza. From 25 years ago. Yeah, but still playing some tunes. Yeah, I love Ray Raymond. Ray Raymond.

16:30The name checked him, Ray Raymond. Ray Raymond. We even saw the bouncer recently, didn't we? At his, Ray Raymond's birthday. No, I don't remember the bouncer. You had some run-ins with him. I don't remember. Fran had some big run-ins with the bouncer of Bariza. Not tonight. Out. just go don't even try so should we play a game oh why not it does involve alcohol which is trepidatious for me because I'm only on the cusp of recovering from feeling like I was dying yesterday from drinking too much Saturday night so this could be very sketchy but I'm going to explain the rules of the game first of all let me hand out oh I think that's my idea thank you thank you very much Alice just to give everybody a bit of context it's lovely so this is Ali's straight in Ali's just throwing in No no no you can You can you absolutely can So this game is called I've never done a game before on here This is quite exciting It's called Sip or Spill So let me explain I'm going to throw out a question And each one of us has a choice We can either take a sip of the drink Which means we're dodging the question I mean they're not going to be that bad Or we can spill and we can truthfully answer But Ali will probably be doing both at the same time I know I'm very excited Whatever Okay so Ali why don't we start with you what's your unexpectedly spicy festive crush that you've not admitted publicly?

17:53Or maybe we know about. Oh, Minty. All my crushes. Minty. Shut up. No, I've got a real thing about Tom Selleck at the moment. I can't explain it. Tom Selleck now or in Friends? No, not now. No, we're talking old school Tom Selleck. Three men and a baby. Three men and a baby. We're talking moustache. We're talking older, shit together. yeah, that's kind of what I'm obsessing about right now. Is that the kind of man you're hoping rocks up to the pub? Good Christmas Eve. I mean, no, we are in the depths of divorce. So we're absolutely not. Not there yet. No, no, no. But yeah, yeah, Tom Selleck vibes.

18:33Never younger again. We are going older. Yes. Mature. Mature. Look after me. Money. Shit together. Moustache. Moustache. Don't hold back here. Moustache. Oh my gosh, can we mention Mr. Goodhead of Hair? Yeah. I mean, not that I've overthought it. No, no, seemingly not. Year of the Horse, babe. Year of the Horse. Year of the Horse. Yeah, yeah. I mean, feel free to drink anyway. It's one of your least weird crushes. Yeah. Exactly. You have a penchant for like quite off-center people normally. Yeah, Matt Franning was a low point, wasn't it? Just curveballs, like unexpected. Quirky. Quirky. Oh, yeah.

19:10Quirky. What can I say? Lucy worst gift you've received at Christmas I don't know worst gift anything that you have to get out when someone comes over because okay has miss ever failed you surely we don't do you know what actually we don't really get each other Christmas gifts so that's probably a bad gift isn't it we just don't really do it at Christmas we're the same yeah because then I'll end up just ordering it myself and he'll end up ordering something himself yeah Send links and buy. And it's so expensive with everyone else's presents and stuff. We just don't bother. So I don't think I've ever had a gift that I really didn't like.

19:48Or if I did, I probably returned it. We should say for the listeners, your wonderful husband, Murs, was in Blazing Squad back in the day, which is the best fun fact about you ever. He used to be in Blazing Squad. I tell people all the time. It's not myself. So do I. He used to say that. Strider, yes. Strider. Strider. The greatest name of all time. Does anyone call him that still? No, me. Just you. Just me and Ali. I must tell that story once a month. I'm sorry, I'm putting this out there. Crossroads, absolute banger. Banger. The best was when, on my hen do, when we done karaoke and we put her name down to do a Blazing Squad song and she was like, oh, I can't, I can't, I can't.

20:27And then literally wrapped every single word. But I do love a bit of karaoke. But we used to do pictures of us standing, before I met him, of us doing like crossroads poses. Yeah, we were obsessed. Manifested it, babe. Manifested it. Well, you used to be a backing dancer for them. Yes, I did. I danced for them. Because once when I was hosting, what was it even called? Like the Saturday show or something. Yes, in Scotland. Kids TV show. Yeah, you came up with Blazing Squad. Yes. And you popped into my dressing room. It's like, this is the weirdest thing that's ever happened. Yeah, we came to hang out backstage.

20:59Madness. Very weird. Next one. Okay, Franny. Have you ever slid into someone's DMs after a mulled wine and regretted it? tell the truth. Rad. This was the right question. I'm going to go drink. I'm going to neck the whole thing. No, it's me. Oh, that's weird. I don't know. If you'd asked me this question a year ago, absolutely not. I can't be responsible for my actions. You've had like a switch up in the last year. And I'm so here for it. We should probably talk about our Craig David night out. It was one of the funnest nights. Oh my God, I've slid into his... I've attempted society to DM. Who crags?

21:42How many times? I've attempted DMs. Yeah, when I had the video for my birthday, I was like, I just want to thank you so much. Trying to be cool, very uncool. So we had the funnest night out in the summer, didn't we? It was so good. We went to Kew Gardens where Craig was performing. The peak of the night was Fran mounting a stranger's shoulders and just living your best life. Oh, it was. It was like definitely top night of the year. It was so fun. Not a care, not a worry. And then I was like, I said to Lucy, well, first I got Lucy's shoulders. And then I was like. I've got that on video. With your bum.

22:22With my bum. I don't even know how you achieved such a thing. And then I was like, oh, I thought I peaked. But I was like, no, I haven't peaked. I was like, I need to get on someone else's shoulders. I just asked this guy. He had his top off. He had all glitter. And I was like, you are my man. I was like, can I get on your shoulders? He was like, absolutely. sorry but you know there's this thing we i think we were again chatting about this on the whatsapp group the other day that we are now our generation are redefining the 40s your 40s used to be like oh god you were past it you were over the hill and now our generation are going like sienna miller leading the way going actually it's the ageless 40s guys we're doing as we please yeah get on someone's shoulders why not wear a leather vest on the school run yeah crying out loud right Rebecca what am I going to ask you out of these ones okay I don't even know if you would do this but what's the most outrageous lie you've told to get out of a festive situation I cannot lie you can't can you I cannot lie I am the most honest person you ever meet and I hate it about myself because I get so much trouble for being too honest so I actually I wouldn't lie I would just say the truth and that would get me into trouble so I don't want to go I don't like you really I don't like you I don't want to go I really cannot lie and I feel like that's yeah something that is good and bad about myself so yeah I couldn't lie about anything like that but you also love a festive party and I wouldn't ever get out of a party it's something I wouldn't do that's more on me or a Babs move so I think that yeah me and Babs are the ones that are like I can't be fucked back in the day back in the day but now absolutely not I've not even got an excuse Becky who are you most likely to mute on WhatsApp?

24:08Can you even say? I would really love to say the truth here but I cannot say the truth

24:19That is a really good question Me so I don't send you a 20 minute voice note No it's none of you I live for your voice notes I love an Ali Vala's podcast I'm terrible for it as well I get distracted halfway through and ended up like 20 minutes long. I'm going to say probably the nursery mums. What's up? Wow. I mean, drop that hand grenade and run. You better have said the mother-in-law than that. You're so afraid. But sorry, do any of us, I think this is a safe space, guys, do any of us want to be on the school WhatsApp groups? No. It's insane. I like the side group. Side group. The splinter groups.

25:01Splinter off. The splinter groups are great, but it's too much information. It's too much. Some days I'm like, I have to spool back like 10 miles of WhatsApp groups. It's insane. That's what archiving's for. Just archive the message. But sometimes I do need key information about things I'm not bothered to look at. Yeah, but then you just go back into it. Do you know what I mean? It's a reminder about the PE kit or something. Correct. Or like, it's not a uniform date. Our parents used to go, bye. Oh. We would walk out of the house. I tell them, my kids are so bored. And actually, Rex mocks me constantly.

25:30He's like, how long was your walk to school? I'm like 40 minutes there 40 minutes back but we used to meet on the corner wait for Hayley for an hour and we would have on any probably a bit for you but I'd meet you earlier at the letterbox on the corner and then on any one day violin backpack art folder sandwich sandwich trumpet no no water bottle though no water bottle we didn't drink we never left the house with a water bottle no no your kids can't step outside the front door without a water bottle. What is it? What did we drink? Nothing. We had a gross fountain. At Luna, we had a gross fountain.

26:10Did we have a carton of something? You'd be lucky if it was working and we all had to share. I'm sure we had a robinson's carton. We had a carton if we were lucky. We had a cat-free son. When we found Ribena Light, I was like, this is brilliant. Our parents would pack us off with the shittest sandwich of all time. White bread. White bread, a pack of crisps and no water. And we survived. And we used to go round the playground asking for 5p off everyone so we could buy an ice cream. at the ice cream van that came into our school. Our school, it was parked in the car park. Not now, that wouldn't happen.

26:36We had an ice cream van. I know. This is so problematic. And what we would do, this is another strange thing we might not have dissected over the years, but we would historically eat lunch in the first break, 10am, and then at lunchtime have nothing left, so go and eat a massive fuck off ice cream. With the witch's hat. With an ice cream on top so an ice cream on an ice cream. And a bubble gum at the bottom. Oh, yeah, the snow. And you were worried this morning that your mum gave your kid a crumpet.

27:07I'll go back and it'll be a witch's towel and a lolly. That's why we're the best generation. We are the best generation because we lived through the witch's hat, but we know our crumpet is bad. Do you know what I mean? We survived. Playing back 80s parents. It was so good. Bring back the crispy pancakes. The finished crispy pancakes. Chips and beans and chicken. Bacon in a bun. We ate like absolute queens back in the day. Me too. I wouldn't change a thing. I remember the alphabets. Yeah, and our parents basically didn't parent us. They just used to be like, go to school and then might see you later.

27:40I know. Okay, cool. Might see you later. No. Who knows? If you're back. If you're back to the tree. I won't know because I'll be at work. So let yourself in and make yourself some tea. I'll see you at some point. We'll find out at six. That's fucking brilliant. Can I ask you one? Just off the cuff. Go on, Fran. Okay. best celeb that you've ever interviewed that you fancied the most like during the interview? Great question. Maybe Bradley Cooper who came on Radio 1 and spoke fluent French. And I lost my mind. I couldn't. It's too much. Like him speak fluent French is the sexiest language. Yeah.

28:18And that was a moment. Really sexy anyway, yeah. Who? I mean, we all know that I've got a crush on Diplo. Diplo! No surprise. Oh my God. The Diplo deep dives. We've done after a... I'll just play another Diplo track when we're all drunk. But I've not interviewed him. Who else? Dave Gawain. I remember when... Dave, but I don't know. I'm less into Dave. At the time. At the time. I remember when you first interviewed Brad Pitt and we were like, oh, I... But I fucked that interview up so bad. I was too young. And this makes me actually feel sick, admitting this. You've hit a nerve here, Fran. So I remember.

28:54It was his era where he... And we had obviously watched Thelma and Louise eight million times. Oh, yeah. And he had that, like, long, amazing hair. That era. The best era. That era. There was this interview, and it was one of those awful movie junkets where you get ten minutes with someone. And I was about 19 and very childlike and I'm so mortified. I thought, he doesn't want to just do, like, a boring interview. He's done that all day. So I... Did you do sip or spill? That would have been way better than what I did. I said, I've heard you're into art. So whilst I'm asking you questions, you're going to draw me and I'm going to draw you.

29:38Like a date? Yeah. And he was like, oh, I did not want to do it. And I was sat there like. And then I think I saw he turned his page around and it was like. Stick mad. kill me generic this is the best story it was and I still wake up at three in the morning sometimes I can't believe I asked Brad Pitt but we were so in awe of you we were like she actually met Brad Pitt I mean like an absolute hint of myself no you didn't that's your character yeah a dork I reckon he tells this story I reckon he's gonna do a podcast with his mates and they're like sip or spill worst

30:25there's this girl one time in london

30:32anyway cheers for that right i've got here some lovely audience questions so these are things that have been sent in by the happy place community they're a lovely bunch and they want some advice so the The first one is, how do you deal with not being in the festive spirit? I feel so burnt out. That's from Stella. Rebecca, you got any advice? Rebecca's just like. So Stella feels burnt out. She doesn't feel festive. What can she do? Well, I mean, I understand her pain. We're all a bit burnt out. But put on some red lipstick, as I was talking about earlier. Put on your red lipstick. put on something sparkly and you will feel better instantly just by making yourself jazz yourself up a bit glam yourself up jazz yourself up and also let them that's my new point let them Mel Robbins let them that would be the best advice at this time of year because you just don't want to like buy into anyone's shit exactly just let them and let everyone just do what they want to do and you'll be happy too right Mel Robbins came on the pod this year so if you haven't listened to that episode go back into the archive because it is she is so she she speaks the truth i mean this one we could apply the same answer this is from megan uh becky what advice can you give to megan how to cope with being judged against family members specifically at family gatherings depend i guess it depends on what you feel like you're being judged at like you know an interesting one is i feel like i'm always judged being an older older mom and so for me that's quite an anxiety provoking thing but a bit like a bit like Rebecca just said like I've just I think I think just learn to just be comfortable in yourself be comfortable in your own skin and who cares what someone else thinks actually the majority of the time when people judge you it's because they're judging themselves so I think you know what even if fake it till you make it if you're really feeling like someone is judging you who cares put some red lipstick on put a sequined skirt on always jobs are given fuck them yeah fuck them so you're right Fran this one is definitely going to you it's from someone called S'morin.

32:43Single at Christmas, SOS. Get the mistletoe out. Simple as. Have you got yours ready? Ready and willing to go. Ready and dangling. You are the mistletoe. I love it. I've never, oh, this is so good. I've never particularly liked or agreed with my in-laws, but they come for Christmas every year. Should I just suck it up for one day from Kat? Lucy, any advice? No. No, do something else. Do something on your own. If you see them every year and you don't get on with them, then just have a Christmas doing your own thing. Yeah. I think we have to be a bit selfish. I think it's always all about the kids and lots of family, but you have to enjoy it as well.

33:32And if you're not enjoying it how it's been, I think you should kind of just say, we're just going to have a little one this year and do it on your own. This is the age where I think we're all coming to those conclusions. If you're, it could be a man or a woman, but we have a lot of female listeners of this age, you start to go, do you know what? I don't want to do that anymore. That doesn't hurt me. Whatever it is, in any situation, this is the age where you start to really work out who you are, what you want, what you don't want more importantly, and you're not prepared to put up with it anymore.

34:03Yeah, and I think you could do another Christmas Day earlier or after Christmas, but if you on Christmas day want to be with just you and your immediate family I don't think there's anything wrong with that I think there's a lot of pressure for everyone to be together and that doesn't work for every family so I think if you want to be on your own you be on your own I was thinking there's a lot of like people pleasing I think we all want to people please and actually for the sacrifice of what ourselves like for having a really rubbish time like yeah it comes around it comes around so quick every year so what's the big deal if you skip a year Do you know what I mean?

34:37It's still going to be there next year. So like it's always coming Christmas. And I feel like as you get older, time goes quicker. So before you know it, it'll be Christmas again. So you can be like, hey, no, not this year, but maybe next year. And that's fine. Yeah. You know? If they're pissed off, as Rebecca said, let them. Let them. Rebecca, you are our very own Mel Robbins. Let's do another game. Okay, so this one is Merry, Meh or Meltdown. I'm going to read out a few festive scenarios. the kind that we all deal with at this time of year. And we are each going to say whether it makes us feel merry or meh or it brings on a full-on meltdown.

35:17No judgment. Just be as honest as you like. Merry, meh or meltdown. So it's kind of like merry, snog, avoid, whatever way around that is. But Christmas. Christmas edition. So first of all, we're going to start in a lighthearted fashion. Christmas pudding. I'm like meh. Meh. wouldn't you rather use your calories on something just like straight up Quality Street a witch's hat absolutely that is like an old person 100 % and we are not old we are not old something nice about it though that is like Charles Dickens putting the sixpence Charles Dickens history lesson guys yeah put your sixpence no I don't understand it it's like a steamed pud no I love making a trifle at Christmas that's my like number one Christmas pudding because I never it's such a palaver to make that Christmas is the only time I'll tolerate it but I love a trifle it's nostalgic as well that is pure 80s that's such a my nanny thing I bet your nan used to make trifles oh a trifle oh yeah yeah oh loads of custard and now I've like ditched being a vegan I'm so about all the dairy yeah I'm loving it all the cheese full on trifle yeah yeah loads of booze in there shit loads boozy trifle I'm anticipating the answer for this Elf on the Shelf Meltdown Meltdown I've run out of ideas already I hope there's no kids listening to this I've run out of ideas already ready?

36:33What are we on, like, day eight of December? It's just more. I've started. She's only 12 months. Oh, don't bother, babes. Oh, no, cut it. Becky, no, just don't start that. You're making a rod for your own back. I started making bloody advent calendars two years ago. I'm stuck with doing that. No, no. Silly, silly idea that was. Very silly. Okay, next one. Office parties. Meh. I think Mary. Yeah, I quite like her. I can't be bothered. That's because you've never been to one. No, I used to love you. So Fran's an air steward. Do you have like air steward Christmas parties? No, there's too many of us and everyone has to work.

37:08Yeah. But still, I think it's like the office vibes, you know, if you've got a little crush on someone. You're thinking of like love actually, which is in real life maybe. Or it's just, and you work all year. Yeah. And now your boss is paying for the drinks. So yeah, get merry. Actually, do you have a good party, Fran? I've never thought about your work Christmas party. We don't have one. We don't have one, no. Does it feel festive when you're flying? Do you start wearing Sunday hats and stuff? Yeah, they make a rule. You're allowed to wear, oh, breaking news, glitter, nail polish is allowed from the 10th of December.

37:42Do you know what I mean? Come on. Well done. I'm here for that. And then you are allowed to wear jumpers and stuff like that. Will you be doing that? Sexy jumpers. Sexy Christmas knicks. Mistletoe headband. Yes. Peanuts. Yes. I love that. Mistletoe headband. Are you flying to any Christmassy locations? I have a few flights next week. So like where like Germany and stuff where there's like people go to Christmas markets and stuff like that. So I think people will be festive. I mean, it's a funny one traveling because you have people for all obviously all different reasons. Do you know what I mean?

38:17So but there will be it's busy in December. So there will be way more fun people than the boring business people. I think. I love it. Another grenade. Boring business people. Last minute online Christmas shopping. We're too organised for that, aren't we? I quite like it two days before. Really? If I can get it. Becky, no way. No, because what I do is I get all the presents and I think, oh, I haven't got that person enough and I haven't got that person enough and I end up just getting a few more bits. Yeah, you are very generous. But I think we were all brought up by basically the same woman. Our mums are really similar.

38:55Yeah. And we were all brought up in a working class environment where it was like, this is how the day goes and this is how we do things. And we're all very house proud and we're organised and we try and have our shit together. So I'm imagining most of us have done our Christmas shopping. I've done it all. And wrapped, 80 % wrapped. Because it's just the burden hanging over you for the whole of December. Agreed. Absolutely agreed. We've had so many amazing times together and still my favourite moments. I mean, it's so hard to orchestrate us all being around at the same time. We all live all over.

39:29You're in Newcastle now. We're all over the gaff and Hayley's in New York. But when we can all get together and have a dinner or a lunch or go away for a couple of nights, it is the best fun ever. Yeah, it's the best. Our little weekends away that we've had over the last few years have been magic. But it's always like we saw each other yesterday. That's the beauty of our friendship. And that's how you know true friendship. I agree. I agree. And no one's expecting anything of each other. like oh well she's not been in touch or this hasn't happened it's just like we pick up where we left off and it's all good yeah i love that we all appreciate each other don't we yeah we do oh my god i would be lost without you lot yeah i would i don't know what i do dorset bangers group our dorset bangers group is just such fun in dorset swimming in the sea going out for brilliant dinners it's just been the greatest thing i know and i think you realize how rare it is at this age to still have friends from that era of your life.

40:24I don't really know many other people who have, I mean, I know there'll be people out there listening to that going, well, that's me, that's me. But I think it's rarer and rarer as people move away, that you lose touch. And I'm so grateful that we've always just remained so close. It's the best. And like, no matter what we're doing in our lives, we kind of have evolved into like middle-aged together. Like we've all kind of, we've still got the roots where we know each other so well. So it's amazing. And such similarities of what we're going through. I know. We've all got, we go through all our shit together.

40:55We do. We really do. We go through babies. We go through divorce. We're literally like in sync and it helps so much. I can say that. It's like group therapy, our group. It is. It's our WhatsApp group. There's no judgment. It's just like, oh, this has happened or that's happened. I'm feeling like this. Can we have advice? It's my favourite WhatsApp group. I get really excited when I see it. My country mile. And just the silliness as well, like talking about absolute shit. Yeah, but you can just say what's on your mind, can't you? You just know no one's going to judge you or whatever. It is the very best.

41:23Let's never stop that. Never. We'll never to stop that. Cheers to that one. Cheers. Merry Christmas. Dorset bangers. I'm drunk. I'm drunk. Oh, actually, I am as well. Becky, yes. So nice. I'm so grateful that you all managed to get days off work, travel from all over the shop to get here today to do this. And I think hopefully lots of other women going through all different shades of life in December have taken things from that conversation. And to know that we're all in it together, the chaos and the overwhelm and just everything about December and Christmas. But I wish you all the best Christmas ever.

42:05Here's to the year of the horse. I love you all. Love you. I love you. Thank you. Yay! That was so great.

42:20Oh my god I love you lot so much I love love love those women more than I can articulate and I'm pretty sure that after you've listened to that you feel maybe not quite as deeply in love because you don't actually know them but I'm sure that you will feel deeply fond of them they're very very special people of course we continued that chat directly after that recording off mic in a little restaurant with some espresso martinis. I think the first one that we ordered landed on the table at midday, which felt very, very cheeky. But we continue chatting away at the speed of light, like all just talking at the same time.

43:03But it was just, I feel very lucky to have those ladies in my life. Very, very, very lucky. Love you all. Right, here we are then. God, I'm going to see you on the other side of Christmas, you lovely lot. I hope there are some really nice pockets of joy during your festive break, whatever you're doing. I want to say a huge thank you again to Becky, Rebecca, Ali, Lucy, Fran, you absolute queens. Thank you for coming all the way to London. Ali came from Newcastle, for goodness sake, for that. Love you, Al's. Big thank you to the producer, Anushka Tate at Happy Play Studios. Thanks, Anushka, for an amazing 2025 of producing our podcast and to everybody at Happy Play Studios, my amazing team, you are the absolute tits.

43:45And to you lot, you are the greatest listeners of all time.

44:09Thank you.