“I had to say ‘c*ck’ at The Royal Albert Hall!” Fearne’s talking about sex and being more creative

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2:32Fearne Cotton: I'm so excited about this. Guys, do I look more intelligent? Somebody slid in to my DMs. It just blew my mind. Are you instantly taking me more seriously? Now, she asked me the day before the event, which suggests somebody had pulled out. I had to say the word cock on stage at the outfit hall. We don't know what to wear. Can the UK just commit to spring? We don't all like the same things. And if we did, the world would be bloody boring. I'm going to fire off this shitty text message and that person's going to get it. And it's like, do you want to commit that to paper? Oh, this one really gets my goat.

3:11Fearne Cotton: Hello and welcome to Happy Place with me, Fern Cotton. I hope that you're well and you're doing all right. And if you're not, maybe this little episode will give you a bit of company, a little bit of escapism, things to chat about, things to moan about, things to feel really happy and excited about. I'm going to kick off with, I've got quite a lot of things that have brought me a lot of joy this week. One of them is, I'm so excited about this. Guys, I now wear glasses. Do I look more intelligent? Are you instantly taking me more seriously? I really hope so, because I feel super intelligent in them.

3:50Fearne Cotton: And more importantly, I can see, which is so great. I was watching TV at the weekend and I was like, oh my God, it's like HD quality, which I think is how it was meant to look in the first place. So I'm absolutely over the moon. I hadn't had an eye test embarrassingly in 20 years. So of course I had a bit of eye decline, but now I'm just very happily wearing my little specs. And also they've got like a reading bit at the bottom. So when I'm reading off my phone I can see genius now as awesome as I look in my specs Basil has just come in and said I have to take these glasses off because the light's reflecting in them blah blah blah um but I don't actually need to see anything I can't see you lovely people which is a massive shame so oh little glasses you just sit there love you so I had the most joyful evening the other day, which brought me so much happiness, I can't stop thinking about it.

4:46Fearne Cotton: I had one of those moments that was surreal and I'm so grateful for. Somebody slid in to my DMs that it just blew my mind. She's been on the podcast before. It's the one and only Gillian Anderson, who I am such a fan of for so many reasons. And she was putting on this night at the Albert Hall where different people came along and read out sexual fantasies from her brilliant book, Want, which if you haven't listened to that episode of Happy Place, go back and listen to it because it was utterly fascinating. Now, she asked me the day before the event, which suggests somebody had pulled out, but we'll forget that minor detail and I will just take all of the joy that came from that moment of Gillian asking me.

5:33Fearne Cotton: I said yes immediately. There was no doubt in my mind that I wasn't going to go and be a part of this. Yes, I was shitting myself. It's the Albert Hall. It's a huge venue. And also there were people on the lineup like Helen Mirren and Olivia Cooke and Joy Crooks. And who else was there, Mills? Belle Priestley. It was just an amazing, amazing lineup. And before I went on stage, I was sharing a dressing room with Olivia Cooke. Have you seen The Girlfriend? It's the most bingeable brilliant TV show. I was a massive fan of it. So I was thrilled to meet her. And she was there with her mate, Sam. And we were laughing our tits off before we went on stage.

6:14Fearne Cotton: We just clicked and got on so well. So that was brilliant in itself. And then came the moment to go and read the sexual fantasy that I'd chosen from Gillian's book to a room full of people. And you never quite know when you do any event what the audience is going to be like. And I've been out and done some talks and some events where the audience is quiet or they're a bit flat and nothing's landing, you're not getting a laugh and it can feel a bit soul destroying or you can just walk off stage going, oh, well, you know, the world hasn't stopped turning, but that was a bit mortifying. This was the absolute opposite.

6:46Fearne Cotton: It was like being in one giant hen party, quite frankly. The vibes were amazing. The crowd was so up for it. It was just loads of brilliant women and a few men who were up for a massive laugh. So I just loved every minute of it. You know, I read out this sexual fantasy and everyone's kind of like giggling and whooping and cheering. And the sexual fantasy was a really good one. It was, they're all written anonymously, but the sort of crux of it was a lady is at a party in a big manor house. There's a storm, therefore a power cut. She's walking down this hallway, bumps into something large and hard.

7:32Fearne Cotton: It's a man. Don't be filthy. And I mean, about to get filthy. And then she ends up having sex with him, but she can't see him. And the whole thing is this kind of fantasy of having sex with someone that you don't see at all. And then you both leave the room and you still don't know what they look like. And that is that woman's sexual fantasy. Obviously, I got the giggles a hundred times whilst reading it because So I had to say, I had to say the word cock on stage at the Output Hall. There's something that feels inherently wrong about using blasphemous language in a venue like that. This regal, ornate building, very proper, very traditional.

8:13Fearne Cotton: And I'm going, he put his cock inside me. I'm going, oh, my God, what am I saying? I mean, there was something massively jarring about it, but it was so funny. And the whole room, do you know what it was? the bit that brought the joy for me was that it felt like a non-judgmental safe space to sensibly and with humor talk about sex for women and we need that I don't think there's enough spaces like that without judgment and without it being you know something that's full of shame or secrecy it was so liberating it was so liberating so that brought me all the joy and actually Amelia from Team Happy Place came along and had a jolly good night.

8:56Fearne Cotton: It's got us thinking actually. It's got us getting buzzed up about Happy Place projects that we're dreaming up currently. Let's have a look at the Happy Place list of things that my team have suggested and making them feel good at the moment. Archie says knitting. I'm trying to pick up more hobbies this year and knitting is the first I have chosen to little successes so far. I think knitting is one of those things that you need a bit of practice, don't you, to get to Tom Daley levels. But I love that. I'm very big on anything that involves creativity and our hands, whether it's making models out of clay, like doing pottery or knitting or cross stitch or painting.

9:39Fearne Cotton: Painting has brought me so much joy this year. I'd really let it slide over the last few years. I've always put an excuse in place like, oh no I haven't got time for painting I've got to you know I'm at work or I've got to clear out the shed or you know I've just thought of a thing and I know that part of that is because I was scared I couldn't do it anymore because the longer I left it the more that creative fear built up like what if I just can't paint and now I'm on a bit of a roll again where I'm like oh I can paint and I love paint and I want to paint every day if I could and I'm trying to paint every other week at the moment.

10:17Fearne Cotton: But I love that Archie's taken up knitting. I think all of us could get so much more joy out of life by just inserting a little creative hour at the end of our day or have a whole creative day if you've got the time or the opportunity. There is nothing better. And especially with knitting, you get this product at the end that you get to wear or gift to someone. I love it. Right. Let's move on to things that are pissing us right off. Dislikes from team Happy Place. Sarah, who is on maternity leave at the moment, but can you keep her away from our WhatsApp groups or what we're doing at Happy Place?

10:56Fearne Cotton: No, no, no. Because she loves it and she's also the best. She's got a gorgeous little baby called Posy, but she just loves Happy Place. So she listens to all the episodes. She's still throwing in ideas and emailing us. And she said at the moment, what's pissing her right off is the transitional weather where I'm just not getting the jacket right. Oh my God. I had this the other day. It looked outside to be quite chilly. So I thought I'm wearing my heaviest, it's sort of a trench coat, like a long jacket, but it's woolen. So it's really warm. And I'd worn a t-shirt. I think I had a vest on underneath, like a right old granny, a vest, a t-shirt and a jumper.

11:36Fearne Cotton: And I was going to an art exhibition. I went to the amazing Turner Constable exhibition which is at the Tate. I don't know how much longer it's on for but if you've got the opportunity to go my god is it beautiful to see these incredible paintings that are 150 years old. I think I've talked about this on here before but oh it was just the most inspiring beautiful thing to see but fuck me it was hot in there. I was absolutely sweating. It It was cold outside, but then it was boiling in there. So I was then carrying a jumper and my coat and another top that I had on and lugging that around. And then when I went outside, it had warmed up.

12:14Fearne Cotton: So I then only put one layer back on. So it's like, we don't know what to wear. Can the UK just commit to spring? Because we have been now titillated with a couple of warm days, a couple of evenings where birdsong is still present and the sun is in the sky. The blossoms out, the magnolia trees are blooming. and then you get like December for two days. What are we wearing? What are we wearing? Also, I got the tube into town on Saturday. I was sweating on the tube, then freezing when I got off. It's impossible. Sarah, I'm with you. What else are people not liking here? Oh, this is good. Anushka says books with brilliant premises that just aren't executed well.

12:59Fearne Cotton: I mean, who am I to judge because I've probably written books where you might think the premise is great but you didn't like the book itself but I get it because reading a book is such a commitment and I'm a bookworm and I get a lot of happiness from reading but sometimes you love the idea of a book or it's been so hyped by everybody but you start it and you know your heart's not in it and I'm always so confused as to whether I'm meant to stick with it so I can then talk about it to everybody or just ditch it. My friend Claire always says ditch it. Her theory is you don't like everybody you meet.

13:35Fearne Cotton: So why should you like every book that you pick up, which is a pretty solid basis to work from. So I've started occasionally ditching books, which feels a bit wasteful, but I always try and pass them on if I've not enjoyed them or if they've got a nice book cover, put them on my shelf. But I get it when there's a great idea and you're like, I'm all in, this sounds cool, but then it's just, it's lagging or, and also like, you know, like I said, we've all got preferences of style. You know, I love a fast paced book that keeps me on the tip of my toes at all times. But then like my bestie Claire, she loves a very slow, gentle book where it's more about the emotional meaning behind it.

14:15Fearne Cotton: We don't all like the same things. And if we did, the world would be bloody boring. That's the whole point of talking about this stuff here. A safe place to talk about what's making us feel brilliant and what is making us feel shit. And you certainly won't agree with me and Team Happy Place on all of it. You know, you might like bad books. Oh, this one really gets my go. Archie from Team Happy Place says, people who express or jump on opinions just for a reaction on social media. I think social media is full of that constantly. and my way of finding a bit of calm when that's happening a lot is to understand that yes you know I'm sure some of the time or maybe even a lot of the time people are putting opinions out there because they vehemently feel like there's injustice or there's a problem with something going on in the world I mean there's a lot to be moaning about at the moment and outraged about but sometimes people aren't and they're actually angry about something going on in their lives whether it's their own injustice which is totally valid or something that's just really riled them in their own lives and social media is seemingly this great benign way of releasing that and not having to deal with the actual thing going on in your life so if we look at a situation which isn't world changing, globally full of injustice.

15:42Fearne Cotton: It's just like, I don't know, one of the Kardashians has done something or somebody's worn very little on the red carpet. Do you need to put your full anger behind that moment? Do you need to say anything at all? I don't think so, but it is an easy way of releasing some of that tension and that rage. And that is the only way I can calm myself in those moments is remembering that my life like yours is full of those moments you know tiny little injustices or bigger ones or things from the past that piss you off so massively and of course you feel tempted in that moment to then put a shitty message out there and say something never do it and I think also something I'm trying to teach my 13 year old at the moment not that he's got social media but we've we talk about it a hell of a lot is not committing negative things to the digital world because it's out there for good in writing.

16:38Fearne Cotton: That also goes for texts and emails. I have so often thought, I'm going to fire off this shitty text message and that person's going to get it. And it's like, do you want to commit that to paper? Do you want to commit those words out there in print forever? We've really all got to think about it. And I have done it in the past. I've sent shitty emails and massively regretted it after. the thing I do now is write the shitty email write the text really go for it with you know no filtering and then delete it you've got it out of you but you've not sent it and you've not committed that to the digital world so is any of that helpful or useful probably not but anyway I've got a few things off my chest if you would like to do that as well head to our instagram at happyplaceofficial.

17:26Fearne Cotton: Slide into our DMs. We are so here for your moans about what is pissing you off in your life, in the world. Big, small, irrelevant, relevant. And also we really want to hear what's making you feel joyful. Not only because it's lovely to share those stories, but also I think it really helps us inform where Happy Place goes. You know, what's making you feel good? What more good stuff can we deliver you? So let us know. And once again, thank you so much for listening. and sending you all the love.