I still get triggered! Fearne on how to heal, cope with hangxiety, and having an empty nest

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0:33Fearne Cotton: What was I thinking? This is the sexiest thing you've ever seen. What I was thinking was, the sun's out, Rylan's coming over, I'm going to drink shitloads of tequila. Anxiety can go in the bin. We had this sort of like sanity-saving walk last Friday night after dinner and he got a bit emotional and said, I'm going to go now. And I was like, yep, love you. And my throat was kind of cracking. And I think it's so tricky to stay on your path of getting better when you're pulled back. And he walked out the door and I shut the door and cried for about half an hour. Hi everyone, welcome to Happy Place with me, Fern Cotton.

1:09Fearne Cotton: How are you all? Today we're going to go through our likes and our dislikes. So, Mills, have I got chocolate in my mouth? No. Okay, good. Because I've just had a hot chocolate. That's going on my making me happy list. I there is nothing better than a hot chocolate heaven I'll tell you why I drunk that in a minute not just yet though what's making me feel happy well one thing that's making me feel really happy is going for very specifically an after dinner walk which we can do now it's light late in the winter I couldn't think of anything worse I am hibernating from 4 p.m but at this time of year me and my daughter are going for post-dinner walks and it is the highlight of my day.

1:52Fearne Cotton: We had this sort of like sanity saving walk last Friday night after dinner and it was a perfect golden sunset where the light like she's got bright red hair and it was sort of illuminating her hair like fire it was so beautiful and I think also if you've got kids and sometimes you find it hard to get anything out of them like on the school run the way back from school here's me I'm driving How was school, kids? Guys, how was school? Huh? Yeah, it was all right. What happened? Dunno. What do you mean you don't know? You've just been. Like, tell me one good thing that happened. I can't remember.

2:28Fearne Cotton: Like, anything? What did you eat for lunch? Dunno. Was it pasta? I don't know. Like, it's like pulling teeth. You get nothing at all. But something about going on a walk, not necessarily just with your kids, but even with a mate, where just things start to naturally unfold. And me and Honey, my 10-year-old, have had such amazing chats in the last couple of weeks on these post-dinner walks. We've been picking buttercups and putting them under our chin. We've been making wishes and blowing dandelion fluff, which is so cute. And then that starts a little conversation about something. I'm very lucky.

3:03Fearne Cotton: I live near the River Thames. We walk down to the river, have a little look what's going on there, see if people are kayaking, canoeing. And it is just such a lovely reset at the end of the day. and if like me you're a crap sleeper I sort of need that processing time to just like let the day bed in chat about it with somebody my daughter and just and let her have the space to do the same and you know if you've got daughters you'll know this there's often friendship dramas or dynamics that need to be discussed and that's the chance to do it and I think if you're walking you're not necessarily sat over a table looking at each other, sort of easier to open up and talk about what you need to get off your chest.

3:47Fearne Cotton: And also if like, you know, I have quite long days in our gorgeous, fluffy, happy place studio, where I just sit on my arse all day and actually getting my step count in at the end of the day feels like a major tick. So that one for me is for the win. And if you're, I don't know, feeling a bit like meh at the moment, not good about stuff, I'm not telling you anything you don't know, but you will never regret having an after dinner walk. It is just bliss, absolute bliss. I'm trying to do it every day at the moment. So that for me is a huge thumbs up. Let's have a look. First of all, some listener thumbs ups, things that people are feeling very happy about.

4:28Fearne Cotton: Lauren very sweetly says time with my new partner and how nicely things are developing. That's so adorable. I love that. Helen says hopefully a turning point with my 21 year old son who's going through a tricky time oh my god Helen I absolutely love that because I think that old-fashioned phrase of you're only as happy as your unhappiest kid is so true and you can try and override it and think no I can't base my happiness on where they're at but when one of your kids having a tough time it is so all-consuming So I am over the moon for you, Helen, that there's a turning point. You're feeling a bit of relief.

5:09Like that is a big breakthrough for you. And I'm over the moon about that.

5:13Fearne Cotton: Right. I want to know what is making Team Happy Place feel good. Penelope says going clubbing. I can't think of anything worse. But I love that. I'm here for you, Penelope, and you're clubbing. She says she feels 18 again. I just don't know if I've got it in me. I would not like to be 18 again. I would hate to be 18 again. I can't think of anything. I mean, I was an absolute dickhead at 18. I might still be now. I mean, some people do like to tell me that on social media. Lana is the most organized person you've ever met. Methodical, logical, logistical. She's on it. It will come as no surprise to anybody that what's making her happy this week is a new Hoover.

5:58Fearne Cotton: I hear you on that though because you know what I treated myself to on Saturday best thing I bought myself all year new vegetable peeler just a bog standard cost two quid but I was you know when you put up with shit that doesn't work I was trying to peel carrots I'm not even exaggerating five years with a peeler that didn't work that was sort of taking out great big chunks of a carrot or a cucumber so the salad that I made with my new vegetable peeler This is the sexiest thing you've ever seen. That is a salad exclusively made of vegetables peeled with my new vegetable peeler. I think you call it like, isn't it like julienne peeling or julienne?

6:38Fearne Cotton: Like it's the thin strips of courgette and cucumber and carrot. It is the fittest and radish. Such a sexy salad. And that is all because I treat myself to a new vegetable peeler. If you're making do with shit knives for chopping veg, a shit vegetable peeler, you know what I've got to upgrade next? Cheese grater. Again, if I'm like grating a carrot with the grater, it's literally like it's barely working. Forget zesting a lemon. You ain't getting no zest. I'm treating myself to a new grater, everyone. So that's making everyone a happy place. Very happy. New bog standard utensils and household devices.

7:17Fearne Cotton: Shall we swiftly move on to things we want to put in the bin? Things that are making us feel like crap. Mine is quite literally happening to me as I sit here now. And that is a hangover. Okay, I'm recording this on a Monday. What was I thinking? What I was thinking was the sun's out, Ryland's coming over. I'm going to drink shitloads of tequila. It was a terrible, terrible idea. And are you like me? have you always since you started drinking at whatever age that was do you get the fear I get the fear so bad even in my mid-40s I should have outgrown it surely the day after the anxiety is so real I woke up this morning I was like I'm a terrible person I am an awful person I need to do some charity work I need to ring all my friends I need to be a better human I was literally self-flagellating for hours.

8:11Fearne Cotton: Now I'm just in the kind of aftermath of that where I just feel a bit dodgy. So I've just necked a hot chocolate, which the sugar infusion that I've just necked is, thank you for getting that for me, Amelia. That was very kind slash essential. But hangovers are getting so much worse. I don't drink a lot. I don't drink particularly regularly. Yesterday was a bit of an overexcited, it's sunny one-off. And I am regretting it. I know tomorrow I'll be like, I'm over it. It was really fun. I don't regret it. But today, anxiety can go in the bin. Be gone with you. I've been pep-talked by four friends today.

8:50Fearne Cotton: One sent a voice note going, don't believe it. Don't spiral. Don't go down that path of thinking you're a shit human, a shit mum, that you shouldn't have had a couple of tequilas. Don't do it. That was my friend Ella. Thanks for the pep-talk, girls. I love you. Do you get the fear meals? I actually don't. I know that's interesting. You don't get hangovers? I really know. What do you mean? I don't know when to stop. That's my problem. That's where I went wrong. It's always the last drink that you didn't need. Yeah, it's always like a nebronial. It's always a strong guy. I was on the sipping tequila.

9:25Fearne Cotton: Just neat tequila. I actually feel sick. I can't talk about it. I'm moving on to other people's because I actually feel ill. Jenna, who does Happy Places PR, so she gets the word out on the street that we've got a festival coming, that we've got a book club, that we've got a marketplace, all this great stuff that we're doing. Jenna shouts about it and we really, really need her to do it and she's so good at her job. Jenna's dislike this week is people on trains having deep and meaningful conversations with no headphones on. No one wants to hear it. I was literally front and centre with this the other day.

9:58Fearne Cotton: I was on the tube going into town and there was a couple of ladies sat in front of me and it wasn't so much a deep and meaningful. They were talking about interiors because one of them had just got a new flat and she was talking about the colour scheme but I left knowing the dining table that she's just gotten the chairs that she wants to get like you know and I'm not like that I've been sort of whispering feeling slightly embarrassed I knew every detail of this woman's flat by the time I got off the train it was crazy but I guess if it's a deep and meaningful especially if you're trying to read on the train or the bus wherever you may be traveling that's annoying I can't read with people chit-chatting no it's well annoying it's so annoying anonymous says my son's leaving for Australia do you know what this is personally one that's going to get me because on Saturday my stepson came over because he's going to Australia to live for a year or two.

11:02Fearne Cotton: And my stepson is 24. And I have been in his life since he was eight, this tiny little guy. And I've been there for all of these wonderful milestones and had so many incredible experiences with him. And all of that hit me on that day of saying goodbye to him. And he got a bit emotional and said, I'm going to go now. And I was like, yep, love you. And and he walked out the door, and I shut the door and cried for about half an hour, because it is such a huge deal. I mean, first of all, Australia is really far away, and I hope that Anonymous, you get out there and you can go and see your sons and go and look at their adventures and what they're up to.

11:48Fearne Cotton: But I think also that moment where, whether it's your kid goes to uni or your kid moves from where they've grown up, it's such a massive deal. Like you're bombarded with every memory of bringing them up, of the milestones they've reached, of everything you've been through. I started looking at old pictures. I really like tortured myself with it. And of course, like I'm sure you are, I'm so proud of my stepson and I'm so glad that he's going off as a 24 year old man to live his life and make decisions for himself. I am bursting with pride. but with that comes this deep sense of sorrow because they're they're going they're going off to do their own thing so my heart goes out to you and I'm sending you all the love because I'm sure when that day comes when they do actually move it's going to be so full on for you so be surrounded by great people that love you who you can lean on have a good cry never feel bad about having a good cry and feeling all of your feelings and I wish your sons the best on their incredible adventure to Australia and Arthur love you Arthur also Lisa who's contacted us at happy place said on her go in the bin list still being triggered by things I'm trying so hard to heal from oh my god yeah look that's a hard one and I find that one such an interesting conversation because I don't think we should hide from everything that triggers us I certainly get triggered all the time from things I see on social media or certain conversations that you overhear and they might not trigger anybody else but they hit you and I think it's so tricky to stay on your path of getting better when you're pulled back and I think there's a fine line between hiding from everything because it all feels too scary and actually just being in pain for the sake of it you know just constantly being triggered by things so I totally hear you and I hope that whatever you were triggered by you're able to talk to someone about it that's what I always do if I'm triggered by something that I've seen I'll talk about it in therapy or I'll call my mate Claire who's like my free therapist sorry Claire and say I'm feeling this what do I do get her take on it allow myself to feel all the feelings and then hope that you can kind of move past it down the line.

14:12Fearne Cotton: But I hear you and I'm sending you loads of love, Lisa. And I'm so grateful for you sending in your things that are making you feel great and the things that are making you feel like shit. We're open to all of them. Send them in. We want to hear it. We want to chew the cud. We want to chat about all of the good stuff. So what's making you feel great? Let us know. Just head to our Happy Place Instagram at happyplacenofficial or tell us what's making you feel like crap. There is space for all of it. Thank you so much for listening to this week's Happy Place. I'm sending you all a bunch of love for the rest of your day.

14:45Fearne Cotton: I hope you have a good one.

15:08Thank you.