My 6-Year IVF Journey to Motherhood & the Lessons I’ll Never Forget | Katie Lee | 5 Questions

0:00Welcome to the five questions. This is the pre-interview with my guests for you to connect more deeply with the person who is actually sitting in front of me. These episodes come out the day before to my main recording to the paid subscribers over on the Compassionate Cure on Substack. These are released months later to everyone, but if you want to hear them first, head to the show notes where you will find the link to my Substack. They're bite-sized, personal, and they are backed with a ton of helpful advice, and they've slowly become my favorite part of Live Well, Be Well. Enjoy. What is one small thing about you that makes you uniquely you?

0:39I would say that I am very courageous. um I am afraid a lot but I still push forward and do things anyway even though it may cause me a lot of physical stress and anguish um but I'm very fearful and anxious yet very courageous I love that I think when you're courageous it does bring fear because you're pushing the boundaries so you can't be courageous without fear no I think I'm always on that edge that means that you're a very big personal development growth person which is just what we want on this show oh great okay good okay so the next one is about overcoming resistance okay so what's been the most persistent area of resistance in your life and how did you overcome Oh, gosh, I'm going to cry on this one.

1:37You got me on the second question. My journey to having my son. It was a very long, arduous six-year process filled with a lot of uncertainty, loss, lack of control, lots of triumph and tribulations. And it kicked my ass, to be honest. And I had to accept and swallow a bunch of things in order for him to get here. But he's here now. so and he's well and he's healthy yeah he's gonna be two in may um but he's just the love and joy of my life but it was um a hard-fought battle to get him here yeah i think that's something that so many of us don't talk about and we only ever see kind of the the outcome but not the pain to get there well congratulations and thank you for sharing that because I'm sure many women will relate to maybe a really hard long journey what was the can I just ask what was like one of the hardest parts of that what was like something that you really struggled with I struggled with it not being controlled by science as a science person I thought if we do these protocols if we follow these procedures science is science and biology is biology and so therefore it should work but there's this whole other thing called you know the mind and the spirit um and the subconscious that plays such a big role and i underestimated the role that that plays in this and if all three aren't in alignment you can push as hard as you want on biology and science but it's not going to go anywhere and that's what happened with me i mean that feels very relevant to the title of the compassionate cure which is what this is all about like connecting that other element um and i'm so pleased that you mentioned that word protocol because it's thrown around so much and yet we disconnect from some one of the most important things which is like ourselves during that process for sure for sure so maybe this will relate to that question but what's been the smallest change that has brought the most ease into your life smallest change I would say a I mean I think it's it's a small change but yeah has a big impact.

3:53I think that's what you're asking is going to bed when I'm tired. I think as entrepreneurs, right, we're used to pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing some more. And when you have a child, for example, you never know what that night is going to bring you. You know, they may sleep through the night, or they may wake up every hour or just once, or they may decide to get up at 5 a.m. instead of their normal 6.37 o 'clock bedtime. And so in the past, I used to push beyond when I was tired and try and stay up late and finish those little extra emails. But now I am very much of the mindset of he's in bed.

4:39Now it's my time to unwind and I go to bed. Even if I have friends and family over, it's nighttime. So, but that's brought me a lot of rest, peacefulness, and actually less stress too. But I get eight hours of sleep almost every night, which is great. One billion people worldwide are deficient in this nutrient that so many of you guys might not be aware of. And women, if you're listening, you are more at risk of being deficient in this nutrient. So I'm going to first of all explain what the physical symptoms are. If you have cold hands and feet, pale skin, extreme lack of energy or fatigue, then you might be suffering with iron deficiency or anemia.

5:23Now, first off, please go to your GP to get your iron levels checked. Secondly, please explore a good iron supplement. Many people that come to me are worried about taking iron supplementation because it can cause constipation or GI distress. that's why I'm so incredibly proud to be partnering for this episode with Spartone the number one iron-rich water supplement now I've personally been using these for years the reason why is because they are naturally sourced highly absorbable iron that means it's much more gentle on your stomach there's no harsh tablets it's just one naturally sourced ingredient that works very well you can pick it up in boots or buy online at amazon but please do not ignore this it is really critical to make sure your iron levels are in check i love that i mean i wear um i've recently just gone back to it i took it off for about two years and i've recently gone back to my aura ring yeah so you've got a whoop um not that we're either us not that i'm paid by these at all um but i i took it off because it was spinning me out too much for a bit but actually I have just returned from Puerto Rico on holiday well I say I was on holiday I was on a work trip um but it feels like it's holiday because it's a hot country compared to London and I came back and my jet lag was not great and I actually couldn't charge my phone because I had water damage in it um last night that I realized so I put it on my stand that's outside of my hallway where I've got a charger that connects to the back and I was like I actually haven't got an alarm and then I had this like freak out moment where I was like I'm not going to get up at like my usual early time anyway then I said to myself you have not slept properly in the last three days because you've been all over the place of your jet lag so do you know what you haven't got anything that's urgent in the morning I'm just going to put it on like the side outside and sleep I had one of the best nights sleep ever because all of a sudden it was like this friction that was put there so I couldn't be on my phone but when I woke up I'd actually slept properly and it was one of those things where I was like wow I'm more productive today than I've been all week because I've actually had proper sleep but I actually allowed myself to sleep in so the irony is I've had less hours in my day but I've done more work than I have done by getting up and berating myself because I've been told in my head you've got to get up at seven every day or you're like lacking and you're slacking.

7:52So it's like ironic, like the power of sleep and what that does to you. And there's really nothing. What I find is like, just because I didn't send that email at nine o 'clock at night or at 5am when I got up, nothing happened. Nothing catastrophic happened. Everything is still fine and everything is still moving forward. So yeah, I'm a big proponent of sleep. Me too. I love how we tell ourselves these stories. And I love that we're talking about this because I'm sure everyone listening goes, well, they've obviously got it down to a T. I have it not down to a T at all. No, mine only came about because my son forced it on me.

8:26I wouldn't have voluntarily switched to this. You know, I'm super type A and I love to push. But yeah, no, he forced it on me. So I don't have a choice now. I go to bed and I wake up when he wakes up. Brilliant. I love that. So this, I mean, maybe this is going to relate to as well. It's interesting how sometimes people's answers relate to the next question, but it's been what's one of the, what's one health related change that you've made that has significantly impacted your wellbeing? This is a good one. Cutting back on alcohol. And that actually came, we were talking a little bit ago from Huberman.

9:03He kind of got me thinking about this because I love the oral microbiome. I'm always talking about oral microbiome. And I say, you should never use alcohol-based products for your oral microbiome because it kills it. Yet I would enjoy my glass of wine every night, not connecting the two that I was destroying my oral and gut microbiome. And so he really got me kind of thinking about maybe I should cut back on the wine. I wasn't cashing a bottle of wine a night. It was a glass at dinner, which is very normal in our society to do. Very Mediterranean. Very Mediterranean. And a lot of people say it's good for your heart and all of this.

9:39And so So I actually suffered from anxiety for a long time, probably because of the accident I was in as a kid, but also because of all the hormones and the IVF and the loss and all of that and big life changes. And the more anxious I got, the more I would turn to wine to calm down at the end of the day. And I went through a period where I just stopped all wine together for several months and just kind of reset things. And what I noticed was my gut became so much healthier. My oral microbiome was so much healthier. My mental clarity, it felt like I had all of these new connections that were forming in my brain.

10:19My language was better. Stress levels went down. And most importantly, anxiety completely disappeared. And, you know, I was considered a light drinker before I stopped doing, before I really cut back. But now, you know, I might have a couple glasses of wine a month, if that. I love that you said that. There's been a huge wave of definitely of, I think, more in the entrepreneurial space that I've seen, maybe because that's who I follow a lot of online. A lot of people are going alcohol free. Yeah. I haven't gotten there yet. I wish I could. But, you know, sometimes you go in these situations and it's just like, oh, you would love a glass of red wine, you know, with a big fancy dinner or a celebration or something.

11:00so I haven't gotten completely dry yet but I'm pretty close yeah but I think also that you know it's the same with food right we shouldn't be eating like ultra processed food but every once in a while you know a birthday cake comes out and you want to like have as much of that as possible because you're enjoying it so it's similar to you know alcohol but I find it so interesting when you said about tooth mouthwashes because people will go what there's alcohol in a mouthwash but it's obviously ethanol right and it's not always labeled as alcohol on the back and so unless you have that understanding.

11:31It can be really hard to navigate. But I used to always choose, and this will come up more in the main episode, I'm sure, but I used to always choose mouthwashers that like burn my mouth, that hurt my mouth. Oh, the more it burns, the cleaner you felt, right? Like I did that too. And I worked for a dentist as an assistant back when I was in high school and college. And we would get concentrated bottles of scope that you would just put a little bit of scope in and then you'd fill the rest with water. But we always skewed those ratios to make it burn more because we thought the more it was burning, the cleaner we were getting our mouths.

12:03But actually, a fun little, not fun, but a little fact here is that mouthwashes and actually cold medicines like NyQuil and things like that are some of the things that are prohibited in rehabs because a lot of people that are addicts or alcoholics, when they go to rehab, they'll sneak in mouthwashes and cold medicines that have alcohol in them because that's how they're able to get alcohol in their system. So it's actually prohibited in rehabs. So far, I mean, I can't wait to dive into this, into the episode. I have to make sure I don't do it in this moment. Okay, so this is the last question, which is all about making peace with the past.

12:41So it's quite like a thought provoking one. What's been the hardest thing for you to make peace about yourself, your life in general? Hardest thing is to forgive myself for not creating the space to have my son on my own. That's been really, really hard. I wholeheartedly believe that if I would have done things differently while I was trying to have my son, I would have had a much different outcome. I was pushing as hard as possible to expand my career and push my career forward because I thought, okay, I have science and protocols on the side, so they're going to be able to come along with me to allow me to keep doing all of the crazy entrepreneur things that I'm doing.

13:28And it didn't work out that way. And I had lots of several euploid embryos that had heartbeats that I lost without explanation. And I know in my gut that if I would have changed my focus and attention and given that space, I would have more kids right now. So I have to forgive myself for that and come to peace with that. The irony is it's so easy to look back and say, well, if I did do this, but I guess part of your striving was also trying to create a concrete foundation for when you bring a child into your life as well. So logically, it makes so much sense that you're trying to do everything and you kind of forget about you and that whole process.

14:13And everything happens for a reason. And I do believe that. So I don't have any regrets. But I do think it was a very important life lesson for me to learn. And it's carrying me forward now because I have my son Rome. And I'm getting ready to start on this brand new adventure that, in fact, we open in less than 30 days. And so I have a much different mindset and very different goals going into this new process than I did before. And so I think if I wouldn't have learned those hard lessons and had those harsh realities, I'd be kind of making the same mistake over and over again. And I'm glad that I'm not going to do that again.

14:52Yeah. And actually, that's probably one of the biggest lessons of life, right? Because so many of us can get stuck in those patterns and we just don't have the reflection process. And so you've actually, yeah, gained a huge amount of wisdom from some very hard times, but it's only going to propel you forward. that's what's so inspiring about these moments is actually time to like get to know the person and i'm really really grateful that you shared so much about kind of your journey and how you got here so thank you for for being honest with us you're welcome thanks so much for listening to hear the full episode there's a link in the description