Why Most Women Can't Orgasm During Intercourse (And What the Science Actually Says) | Dr Laurie Mintz

0:02Dr. Laurie Mintz:This is a Be Well Moment, the most replayed moments from my latest conversation. It's a glimpse into the wider episode, which you can find linked in the show notes below. Because sometimes one small moment is enough to reconnect to living well and being well.

0:22Dr. Laurie Mintz:There's quite a lot that I want to talk about with vibrators. I've never said that on this podcast in my life. So we better start now. But it's interesting. I think a lot of men, and you mentioned it in your book, can be worried about vibrators replacing them or, you know, a bit worried that they're not the ones making a woman orgasm. Like how can we help men feel more secure in an environment for a woman to bring this into their relationship? Absolutely. So a lot of men are threatened because they think it's their job to give a woman an orgasm with their penis. So let's break that down. First of all, you're very few women you're going to give it through your penis.

1:03And it's nobody's job to give anyone else an orgasm. We all are responsible for our own pleasure. And this also isn't in the book, but think about intercourse. Men can adjust their thrusting based on immediate sensory feedback. Oh, I want to thrust a little harder or a little shallower, a little, like you get sensory feedback and you respond to it. There is no sex act where women can respond to their own sensory feedback unless they're touching themselves with their hand or a vibrator while their partner touches their breasts, during intercourse. So it gives the woman the power that men have over their bodies.

1:51and if men really need to understand that their job is not to make a woman orgasm but to make her feel safe enough that she feels comfortable sharing how she orgasms that's the job, not to give her one to make her feel safe and it's no less sex for the women out there if you touch yourself it's a most many women it's the only way they can and think about this metaphor. I like to share this. If you were on a raft in a swimming pool and you were with your partner and you had a lovely day, you were kissing in the pool, you were kissing on the raft, you were laughing, you just had a grand old time.

2:36You wouldn't go home and call your friend and go, oh, me and my raft had so much fun. Oh, and my boyfriend was there too. You wouldn't even mention the raft because it was just a tool to enhance your shared experience. And that's the same with vibrators.

2:54Dr. Laurie Mintz:Wow. I mean, I found it fascinating in your book when you talked about how they came about, vibrators, the rise of vibrators, basically from the Victorian era. Can you just touch upon the hysteria of women? I can, but unfortunately that's been proven to be false. Has it? Yes. Oh my God. I know. I love the story. The story was amazing. I know. I know. But apparently it's not true. There was a whole book on this that I read to put it in there. And that book's been proven false. So I can't. It's not true. It's not true. That's the one part of the book that's not true. Everything else is true. Okay, well, just to continue this one myth, it was literally men, women didn't think they could orgasm and they would go to the doctors and a doctor would basically perform an orgasm on a woman.

3:50Yes, to cure her hysteria and then the doctor's hands were getting tired, so they invented the vibrator. But it's not true. That's not true. But what is true is that these have been around for a long time and they used to be advertised in women's magazines as household tools, like disguised. But women knew what they were all along, like massagers and, you know, that kind of thing.

4:19Dr. Laurie Mintz:that is amazing well I was literally looking on a delivery app I don't know if you have zap in America but in the UK and literally as I was going through my groceries then there was just these vibrators that were coming up they were like on delivery really and I was like wow this feels like an advancement yeah yeah it is like milk vibrator I I've never well you've gotten them at the same store in the US, but that's fabulous. It's amazing.

5:14Thank you.