Aimee Vivian On Her Near-Death Experience!

0:00Hello and welcome to Made by Mum as the podcast. I'm Zoe Hardman. And I'm Georgia Dayton. And this is your parenting safe space where no conversation is off limits. With five kids between G and I, we have seen a lot. We really have. Each week we'll be joined by some famous faces and experts and we'll chat about the brands and products that have saved us along the way. In short, we're the parenting podcast for you. Before we get started, hit subscribe or follow so you're the first to know when each episode lands. And they're on Tuesdays and Fridays. And it really helps if you leave a rating and a review.

0:32You can also find us on Instagram. We're on at Made by Mummers. But for now, George, should we get into it? Right. Okay, Georgia. George, what's that? Right. Can you just explain to the listeners who is in the studio with us today? Well, today I brought in Quincy, our puppy, who is normally not very active, doesn't actually move, which is quite frustrating when you want to go walking. We've walked into the studio, even downstairs. He was like non-existent, so non-existent. I almost left him downstairs and forgot he was there. Yeah, he sort of blended into your coat. Yeah. We come into the studio, some lights, cameras.

1:15Action. Action. And he's like everywhere making a lot of noise. It's literally like he's taken a tab of acid. It is. I don't know what has happened. I mean. He's so cute. Yeah, cute but annoying today. No, but he, okay, listen, we just need to let you know that there might be a little bit of growling. And it's not us growling at the guests. Because that's the thing, isn't it? Like someone's saying something really serious and you're just saying. Yeah. Well, thanks for bringing him in to introduce. What's he eating now? He's drinking water. That's allowed. Oh, okay, fine. Okay, fine. That's fine.

1:54How is mum life? How is, well, I was going to say it's fine. until today, then you realise actually you can't quite bring them everywhere with you. He reminds me of Gigi. Yeah, how she was as a baby. Like he's sort of small and mighty. Yeah. When I met him, he was sound asleep. Same as Gigi. I remember vividly us going to like a really important business meeting and Gigi had to come because I think she was poorly. And halfway through the meeting, by the way, she hadn't made a sound through this meeting. She just went, I'm going to go to sleep now. Yeah. And she just went, I want to sleep. He just slept.

2:28I was like, oh, my God, what are you giving your children? Yeah, he actually is a bit like her, like small, but can, you know, take you by surprise sometimes. Hello, mate. Hello. This is our first time back together in 2026. Not for the listeners, but for us, first time back in the studio. I feel like it's the middle of 2026 already. No, I'm joking. I don't. It generally does feel like it's got like 7 ,000 days in it. Yeah, but you've got the right idea. I know. Coming back like halfway through Jan, I think that is the key. Don't switch off everyone, I'm sorry. Because people don't like it. Do you remember I said that I would lose followers over Christmas because people hate it when other...

3:09There you go, Quincy hates it. Quincy, shut up, it's not your moment. Don't be so judgy. I think I told you that I thought I was going to lose followers when I went away on holiday. People hate it when other people go away on holiday. Well, so they don't like it when you're away? No, they don't like it. So I was... And I get it. it must be quite irritating when you've got people going oh look at me here and it's 35 degrees so I sort of was very aware of that but I still lost 400 followers over Christmas or maybe it's just because I'm fucking annoying and people are doing a clear out for 2026 listen do you know what we had the most why?

3:43I'm scouring at Quincy he's barking in his bed is he constipated? I think he needs to go to the toilet but he won't go because he won't go because he's at home oh right he is like Gigi he wouldn't even go outside okay fine well we'll just we'll just crack on around until he does his business um yeah i think you're right i think i think being away for the majority of january has to be the way forward going forward i agree and if you can why wouldn't you and you know what you should find people's posts inspiring if they're on holiday exactly it's nice so i've taken up a new hobby oh my god i know about this.

4:23Tell us what's your new hobby. New balls, please. Pickle ball. Pickle ball. I'm not joking. It's the funnest game that I've ever played in my life. I reckon I could get really good at it. I'm thinking about joining Women's League locally. You literally sound like James. Me and James. I don't actually want to go on holiday with you anymore. Yes, you do. We're going on holiday in April and it's going to be so fun. Yeah, I already don't want to. Maybe I won't come. You absolutely will come. Because I already know I've got friends like this as well who go oh let's go on holiday we can play paddle and i'm like i don't want to come i don't want oh come on it'll be fun it'll be fun i think it's not fun like with you i know you are the same as james i've got a routine it becomes too competitive and it's not fun anymore but if me and james are playing together against other people yeah that's fine you know you guys can look after the kids definitely not but uh they can join in as well surely they've got like They must have some sort of...

5:21Childcare. No, I was thinking a tournament that we could get involved in when we go on holiday. Oh, my God. This could be great. Guys. Jesus. No. Pickleball. Okay. I will let James know that you're up for it. Can he play pickleball? I don't know. Or should I learn paddle between now and April? Have you got a pickleball place near you? Yeah. Well, then maybe you should play pickleball. Thing is, I reckon I'd be really good at both. Oh, my God. How is Judgy James? Judgy James on the podcast. Judgy James on the podcast. He is good. He's fine. Yeah. He's banging to paddle though. Like he basically only goes to networking events now that are paddle.

5:58His strategy is not to speak to anyone, win the tournament, and then everyone wants to talk to him at the end. So that's where he's at at the moment. He's like, it's great. I don't have to speak to anyone. I just play paddle. And then at the end, everyone's like, oh, well done. You won. How did you get so good? And he says, I don't know. I don't really play. Do they want to do business with him though at the end of it? I'm probably saying he's a wanker. What a fucking dick. Yeah, exactly. Why is he so good at paddle? Do you think it's because he's a natural sportsman? I don't know. It's not like he was a champion tennis player.

6:27He's never played tennis. But have you played tennis? Yeah. Yeah, so. But not at like. Interesting. You know, just for school. Yeah. I think some people are good at sport and some people aren't. Well, listen, we're going on holiday together in April. Who thinks that me and Georgia should team up for the Women's League on holiday? No, honestly, I'm not doing that. Producer Mark does. Rodrigo does. No, I'm not. I'm not doing it. No, don't put me forward. So you'll just, what are you going to do? I'll be in the spa. Make drinks. Oh, yeah, make drinks. I'll be back drinking by then. I could be the like coach.

7:00No, not coach. The coach? Support system. You know, like the person on the side. Cheerleader, cheerleader. Play welfare. I'm player welfare. I'm good at that. Bring drinks, snacks. Yeah, make sure everyone's okay. Hydrated. Yeah, no one's getting too stressed. I'll be that person. I'm definitely not. I wouldn't even joke about it. I'm literally no this holiday is going to be the best yeah God yeah to prepare for it we need to get into today's conversation my passport you and Dozza suddenly pop up in Maldives or somewhere like that oh dear sorry we didn't make it couple stop yes without the sex yeah definitely not fine let's just get into the chat we need to stop this it was a great conversation today Yeah, it really was.

7:47And actually, a very serious story in parts, but a message that anyone can take away, whatever stage of parenting you're at. You know, the guest is right at the very beginning, you know, seven months in. It's hard, isn't it, when you try and go back and remember, like, all the small things that are going on. Yeah. And it's so easy to forget, you know, the weaning and the napping and the... Engorged boobs. yeah not ideal jesus i thought it was a joy to go back to the newborn bubble to talk to somebody that was right in the thick of it you know she's gone back to work she's definitely juggling a lot but actually fundamentally she's a new mum and we don't really like you said we don't really ever let ourselves go back to that stage or maybe we don't have time to think about it or maybe the memories start fading so to sit down with somebody who's really really really going through it the highs, the lows and everything else.

8:41It was a real joy. I loved today's conversation and we reckon you guys are too. Who are we talking to today? We're chatting to Amy Vivian. She is one of the most recognisable voices on UK radio, a powerhouse behind the mic and a mum navigating the beautiful chaos just like the rest of us. You'll normally hear her lighting up the airwaves as a DJ on Capital but today she's here with us to share her journey of her career, the highlights, the highs, the lows and everything else in between and of course her life as mum to Charlie, her little girl. Please give a very, very warm welcome to Made by Mum as a podcast to the utterly brilliant Amy Vivian.

9:16That was so nice. That was a great start. Wow, that was. I've got to be honest with you, I found it quite difficult to say that stuff because it's my first day back to the world. Yeah, just like, it's a Monday as well. By the end of December, like, hi, hi Amy. Welcome to the podcast. Do you need to do a little bit of meditation and just ease into today? I did my first radio show back yesterday after three weeks off and I genuinely was a bit like, do you ever get that when you're like, right, the mic's on the left. Oh, yeah. Where do I do everything? Where is everything? What do I press? And also swearing.

9:49I had this fear that I was going to swear yesterday on the show because I've just been swearing left, right and centre on holiday. But let me guess, you were fine. I was fine. Yeah. Yeah. How are you? How are you? I'm good. Yeah. We're here. I'm excited to do this. We want to know about your warning. You just said that, which confused us, that your daughter is asleep in bed at eight o 'clock and she's seven months old. Yeah. She loves to snooze in the morning. Does she? Yeah. She's not great in the night. She's getting better. Let me tell you, the other night I saw every hour. Oh, no, you're joking.

10:21But the thing is, she's got this cough that's going around at the moment. So it's not even disturbing her. She's coughing in her sleep, wriggling, trying to get herself comfortable. but she's waking me up every hour and I'm having to go and check that she's still breathing. Like you do as a mum, you panic about everything. She's learnt to roll on her front and sleep on her front as well. That was a fear I never knew would be unlocked. Yeah, that's an interesting one, isn't it? Because obviously we're told through all of the research that they've done that they shouldn't sleep on their tummies.

10:46But actually, I know with mine, they both were tummy sleepers. Yeah. So the first couple of times you're really freaking out. And obviously like we're not medical professionals so please don't do it because we're told not to. But it did work for us. Yeah, it is scary. So, yeah, so we obviously put her to sleep on her back, but every single time we go in now, she's on her front, and that's how she is comfiest. So, yeah, but so she did one wake up last night, which was quite nice, and was still snoozing, and did a little moan at six, and then was still snoozing at eight o 'clock. So I left my mum to it, see you later.

11:19And she doesn't even know you've gone. No, she doesn't even know I've gone. She'll wake up like, where's my mum? Are you a routine mum? Oh, absolutely not. Oh, absolutely not? No. There is no routine in my life. It's always utter chaos. And when you say, obviously, it's chaotic because we're mums and we're working and stuff. But with the baby, is there any sort of routine with the napping? Or do you just literally, if she comes with you, she sleeps great. If she doesn't, that's fine. So actually, maybe I'm not like, maybe I'm sort of in the middle. Yeah. So wherever she is, we would try and get her to nap, whether that's in the pram or in her cot.

11:57um every at the moment she's only seven months old so it's like two and a half hours and you know when she needs to nap she starts rubbing her eyes she gets really grouchy like so we just have to try and put her in the pram make it dark but she's very adaptable to that I think because she's had to do that since I've like since she was little um so that's about the routine my routine is I'm on Capital Radio 1 till 4 so that is my routine I'm stuck so wherever she is going she has to be there for me to get the train into London so we're sort of in that routine of timings but she doesn't have a nap schedule, she sort of just naps when she wants to which is kind of probably the best way of thinking isn't it?

12:35Yeah, that's so nice remember back George, because this is so nice for us having somebody on that is in would you say you're still in the new baby bubble? Yeah, I think so, still learning everything, just every day weaning, let me tell you oh yeah, of course oh my gosh I didn't even know that was a thing and the gagging. When they vomit, it's disgusting, isn't it? It's disgusting, isn't it, when you start introducing foods into it? And it's scary as well. Listen, I'm not calling anyone out here. I love it. I'm here for the Instagram recipes. But all I've seen is, make your baby this. Oh, how lovely is this?

13:13Why has no one gone, oh, my God, I was terrified because my baby started choking and the gagging noises they make. And they don't actually, by the way, you're going to go to all this effort prep loads of food and they're probably going to eat a tiny little teaspoon of it. Well yeah because their tummies are like that's what I always used to be like I used to make so much food like all the time I'd be making meatballs and all of this and then you'd be like oh you had a little size of the nail great well done. Georgia was like the ice cube mum. Yeah yeah yeah that's me. I'd be messaging her being like what are you up to and she'd be like just rustling up something delicious for Axel what are you doing?

13:48I was squirting it out of one of those pre-made things. Yeah yeah yeah just giving them anything well I started to be the ice cube mum and I haven't made and let me tell you those ice cube tray hasn't seen 2026 yet so we'll see how we get on in the next week because that's just a faff in itself before we get into where you are now with your journey let's just let's just take take the audience back because yeah people that don't obviously we know capital is one of the biggest commercial radio stations in the country when I look at you and I think back to your career I see you as being forever young like as in I can't believe in a way that you've got a baby because you've been on capital for such a long time youth and like you know having a younger audience listening to you is everything how has that transition been for you into being like I'm still that person but now I'm a bit more responsible because I've got a baby yeah sometimes I look at myself in the mirror now and I'm like whoa I have a baby I have to be responsible like that there's like this part of me that's like I'm not responsible enough to have a baby yeah it's strange I just did in November was 10 years on capital wow yeah 10 years and so I now get the perfect time slot to have a baby afternoons let me tell you because I don't have to get in early and I don't have to leave late um thanks bosses please keep me on there um but it's yeah it's I I'm kind of just going with it at the moment um it's sort of I would say there's like this nice differentiation where you know I can sort of talk a little bit about Charlie because even though we've got the younger audience we're not pretending that there aren't mums listening and dads listening and parents doing the school run and and other older generation listening like grandparents you know my mum's listening to Capital and she's looking after Charlie um so I but we're not talking about it all the time and for me talking about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey it's a bit of escapism isn't it like let me talk about their romance or Kylie and timothy chalamet you know um i quite like the two different worlds i'm kind of embracing those two different worlds we'll be right back after this short break welcome back to this episode of made by mommas now where were we did you always want to be a mum or is it something that you you know you had a big career and you're enjoying your career and just you know it just happened or no if you'd have asked my parents before I met my husband Steve they would tell you that they didn't think I'd get married they didn't think I'd have any kids ever yeah until I met Steve and then I was like oh you're all right actually you can stay yeah you can stay oh you'd be quite fun in my life and then gradually things and I was like oh yeah maybe I will get married okay yeah maybe I will have a baby and that sort of just it was all very like natural and And yeah, but I never thought if like at uni, it was never my thing.

16:36I never thought, I never dreamt about getting married. I didn't picture my wedding day, my wedding dress. I didn't picture having children. If you had asked my friends, a lot of them probably would have told you I'm not very maternal. And now I just can't imagine not being a mum. I think it's mad how it just takes over your life. was there a sense of losing a part of the old you and finding you know the the mum you that there's still that sense like yeah I don't know I keep questioning there's this side of whatever you do almost you feel guilty for the other part of you I'm I'm mourning this this sounds awful I'm mourning this Amy that used to leave work at four o 'clock and just go to the pub with her mates without a care in the world and stay out and dance on tables and not have to be responsible but at the same time I am utterly in love with being a mum and being Charlie's mum and at four o 'clock wanting to rush home and be with her and that that juggle at the moment I'm still finding quite hard of that transition of you know you still want to see your friends but you still want to go home and be with your baby and you still want to go and do things with your baby but you still want to see your friends and also I need a bit of me time and how do I get that it's it's so beautiful though how you can feel all of those things at the same time yeah actually I think that it's really important not to push one of those away you know there has to be some sort of acceptance that we're not the same people that we used to be but also we still want to be a big a big part of who we used to be do you know what I mean yeah yeah completely I don't know if you girls find this but I you know social media is great there's some great tips on there as well but as a mum I am overwhelmed by the information the critical comments on there the the guilt that you you're made to feel on there for whatever you may be doing and that can be to do with what you're doing as a mum and sometimes I need to I have to remind myself just step away and I think the more I've told myself just do you the better I felt about both sides of me the the work Amy the fun Amy the mum Amy that's still fun but you know a little bit crazy and run around the kitchen dancing with the little girl you know because there's too much there's so much pressure on mums at the moment I yeah I've almost I I can't believe that we've got to a point that as women we are putting so much pressure on ourselves like it's it's baffling to me do you question what you put on social media because of that because I agree like when we had our like first so this was like nine years ago there wasn't so much so you almost quite naively would just put out whatever you're doing and then you know if you've got a negative comment you'd be like oh wow I didn't even realize people judged people on that like oh god or you know if you take a picture and you can they can see the car seat you can oh god that oh that seat belt's wrong and oh but now like nine nearly 10 years on everyone is hyper aware that any tiny little thing is judged it's it is constantly a battle and I do a job as a radio presenter that is to do radio and social media when I started on capital we were using capital snapchat as a laugh like in the middle of the night posting remember those funny snapchat filters yeah you know it was bunny years yeah bunny years that was it yeah like I never in my wildest dreams thought I never pictured getting to the point that we're at now and it's it's a conversation I am having I'd say now daily in my own mind of who am I online right who do I put out there which version of myself am I am I even real online what what part of mum life do I put out what part of work life do I put out what do I want out of it because I'm almost overwhelmed by all of those questions and all of the answers and all of the options like which one do you go for yeah and it's a lot it's hard to be authentic actually now oh my gosh it really is because you do you get judged on absolutely everything and even if you know like your you know your job is online I guess in some ways but even if it's not you know people are judged in their friendship groups yeah in the mum's whatsapp groups it's it's constant yeah and you'll go to work and you will have put something on on instagram they wouldn't have even thought about and then there's something going oh saw that what oh I know it's it is almost relentless and what what way do you go with it and as a new mum I feel for all the other mums that, you know, I think, I guess with my job, I've been quite lucky that I understand how it works and I can take it with a pinch of salt.

21:24But if you're a new mum and you're really struggling, I actually can, I can really see that that can be really, really negative and hard place to just constantly be on the phone comparing yourself to other mums doing different things to you. Did you get any negative feedback when you went back to work? Yeah, a little bit. Talk to us about that. so obviously I'm self-employed secondly but I also do a job on the radio I love my job it is part of who I am and if we don't work we don't get paid guys yeah just want to say if we don't show up for our show there ain't no money coming in the bank nothing and that's the thing and you know we saved as hard as we could but at the end of the day unfortunately I haven't found the money tree I don't know if you two have but there isn't one in my garden and so I had to go back I'd had a pretty tough time the four months after having Charlie um but there was no choice I was I had to go back um and I wanted to go back as well don't get me wrong there's a part of me for radio that is therapy for me like there is that studio is my safe space it is where I can block out all the noise can go back to work but telling people that you've gone back to work when you've left your four month old baby it's pretty like some people you can some people don't even say anything when you tell them And they look at you and you can see the judgment on their face.

22:40And I didn't take it easy. I don't take it easy. But I'm really lucky that I was fortunate I could leave her with my mum and Steve's mum. And that was a game changer, you know, because she wasn't with people. She wasn't in a nursery just then. But it's hard. It's hard. The critical comments are hard because my opinion is every single family is different. every family setup is different and therefore no one is going to have a textbook way of doing parenting or being a mom or a dad you know because how can you because we're all living separate lives yeah I went through a real period where I was sort of challenged online about going back to work and I would just every single comment I was having a field day with I'd always start my comment with dear Karen and then I would just go for it being like when when the comments came in like where's your baby I'd be like oh I don't know I left them with the dustbin man this morning or, you know, oh, baby's outside while I'm DJing, just sitting outside in the cold.

23:40At home in bed. Because what do they think? With their dad. Yeah. Just left, I just left them. Yeah. Yeah. But also how outrageous that we're living in a society where as mothers we are torn down to that level where we are made to feel shit about our choices. Yes. Forget about whether we want to go back. We have to go back financially. And then at the most vulnerable point in our lives, we are told that we're doing the wrong thing and that we're not good enough and that we failed. Yeah. It's just not okay. No, it's not. And also, sorry, but I hate to say it, but you wouldn't see them saying it to the men, would you?

24:15No. You would not see them after three weeks. Oh, where's your baby? No. I don't believe my husband would ever have been asked at work, where's your baby today? No, of course. Ever. I'm sure even if he went back the day after you gave birth. Which our husbands did. Yeah, which is no one would have asked and no one would have said a thing. No, no, no. But it's interesting as well because you said, oh, you know, the fact that she wasn't at nursery obviously made things better. But I don't, do nurseries take, what age do they actually take babies? I don't, I think it's not that well set up. I think it's quite.

24:45Is it three months or six months? I don't know. I think, I think the nursery, because she is a nursery now, I think that they take them from three months. Three months. Three, four months. Yeah. But that's, by the way, that was saying, that's, I'd like to just caveat it with, if you're listening and you put your baby in nursery with three months, absolutely fine. Because if that's what you needed to do. And I took Charlie on Tuesday last week for the first time. And I did have a little cry in the car park on the way out. It felt really different leaving her. But let me tell you, she had the best day.

25:15They are so caring. These people have trained to look after kids, you know. They love it. She got cuddled to sleep every single nap. She got to try different foods. She was having a whale of a time. I picked her up. She was happy as Larry. Oh, that's great. yeah but it's you've just got to do what's right for you and but i hate that as working women we get put down for going for working yeah and i think that fundamentally something's got to change in that because you know the system is already set up against us because maternity pay even if you're self-employed the government at maternity pay is something ridiculous like 170 185 pounds Oh, it's gone up since we were.

25:53Yeah. Yeah. Right. I think it was, which is less the minimum wage. Yeah. So you've paid in. How do they expect? How do you expect to function? Yeah. Exactly. And the thing is as well, like in a lot of families, you need two incomes, like majority families, you need two incomes. Yeah. Need four incomes. Yeah, you need six. But so how on earth are you not supposed, how are you supposed to make that work and not work and be there for your baby, but also then get judgment when you do go to work? and it is, yeah, it's a lot. Yeah, go to work. You're going to get told that you shouldn't be at work. You stay off work.

26:29You get told you're lazy and you need to go back to work. You know, whatever you do, you're sort of damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. And so now I think, ah, sod it. Just going to do whatever I want to do. Do the negative comments play the loudest voice in your head? No. Good. Tell us. I think that that's where I'm fortunate that having done 10 years in the industry has allowed me to block a lot of that out. And I had this new, so I went through a bit of a journey after I got pregnant. Once I had Charlie, I got very sick and got sepsis. And so now I'm sort of just like, your words literally cannot hurt me.

27:11And so I just sort of block it out now. I just don't seem to, I'm sort of not bothered by it. You can say what you want to say about me, but you don't know me you don't actually know what's going on in my life that's the way I now look at it and I hope by saying it a lot more people will look at it because really all that matters is you and the people that you love and care about yeah sepsis yeah talk to us about that oh yeah I shouldn't laugh it's not funny but that's my coping mechanism um so obviously had Charlie um had a c-section all went absolutely fine from day one I had a big supply of milk like the complete opposite to not to what like normal a lot of milk maids yeah a lot of people struggle obviously to for their milk to come in mine was literally pouring out were you doing the old was I you may as well back in the day what what were they loaded mag I could I could have been i could have been jordan on loading back i had to go to mns they measured me i had bear in mind i've got they're about bc now i they were a c they've gone down anyway that's a whole different story because they go rubbish after having a baby don't they george has bought her new fur baby with her um so we've just got rid of our children back to school now we've got a new child in the form of a puppy who's this this is quincy and he's been asleep all morning and then now we've started talking he's like livened up he really wants to be involved yeah he's cute he's very cute we'll be right back after this short break welcome back to this episode of made by mamas now where were we so we'll come back to milkmaid boobies yeah but but they were big so they were they were ginormous and there was so much there was too much of an oversupply and you know when you look back now and you're like, oh, well, it makes, everything makes so much more sense to me now.

29:11But when you're in the pits of you've just had a baby, you're recovering from major surgery. You've never had a baby before. You don't know what the body actually is supposed to do. You're trying to breastfeed, but your child has got a tongue tie so they can't actually latch and they're getting really distressed every single time you put her on the boob. So I was pumping and every time I went to the appointments, they just said, oh, you look like Jordan with those boobs. Like, yeah, great, funny. Any advice for me though? Any advice? And unfortunately, the advice they gave me, I now know, was the complete opposite of what I should have done.

29:44And so essentially what happened was three and a bit weeks down the line, I got mastitis. I went to the GP. I said, I think I've got mastitis. I explained the symptoms, redness, headaches, dizziness. I had shivers. I felt cold in the night. There was like a localized redness, which is one of the signs of mastitis. and a slightly high temperature. She said, no, no, no, you've just got breast engorgement. You need to put the baby on the breast. I said, I can't put the baby on my breast because she's got a tongue tie. She's due to have it cut tomorrow, but she won't latch. But I think I've got mastitis.

30:25No, no, it's just breast engorgement. I said, please, I'm telling you, I think I've got it. Can you please prescribe me some antibiotics? So she said, okay, I will, but please do not take these until a couple of days' time. If you don't feel any better. That will say like the Thursday. Saturday, I still was really, really struggling. Started taking the antibiotics. Sunday morning, I woke up. My boobs were so hard. They were literally like stones, rocks. They were excruciatingly painful. You both winced. Yeah, I know. Because we know the feeling. I can't imagine. It was excruciatingly painful. I was freezing cold.

31:01I'm convulsing in bed. I was so cold. But I had a temperature. I get in the shower. I'm trying to warm myself up. I say to Steve, I wake Steve up. I say, there's something really not right. And I was like crying at this point. And I'm not a crier, but I was in tears. So he gets this manual breast bump. Let me tell you, he will never look at my boobs again, the poor man. And he literally had to like squeeze this milk out of me just to relieve it. Because the milk's coming in. So he's trying to relieve the, we just needed to relieve some of the pressure they felt like they were going to explode so do that and he goes out into the kitchen says take some paracetamol like hopefully it's just like flu and you've got the antibiotics comes back in says aim there's like pus in your milk um so they were that infected that there was literally visible pus in the milk and at this point this is where social media is great because i have no idea to this day what possessed me to do it but I put on my story something like I can't remember the exact words it was something like do any doctors or nurses follow me on here because I think I've got mastitis started taking antibiotics but there's pus in my milk and this lovely midwife who had treated me in the hospital right follows me said to me you need to get down to adau which is like the antenatal maternity service that you can access until your four weeks postpartum right I was three weeks and five days so I was two days off not being able to go there and she's like you need to go now um when thinking god I feel horrendous but I was thinking they were just going to say to me you know here's some stronger antibiotics within two hours I was on a ward hooked up to a drip and they were like yeah your infection markers are really high uh later that evening they said you've got sepsis which is a blood infection yeah because the infection had got hold taken holds and basically what i'd from mastitis from mastitis so what i learned what i've learned now is sepsis can is an infection of the body and it can come from anything it can come from any primary infection that just hasn't been treated or healed um it can develop from anything really um and when you're pregnant and when you've had a baby your immune system is so weak because you have given everything to growing that baby that your immune system is lower than it's ever been before so then you're so susceptible to pick up colds coughs anything so that's why it's so important to keep on top of if you do get get do get sick wow yeah I didn't know that Amy yeah that's absolutely horrendous so then what do the following weeks look like so I was in hospital for five days um there were the day after I was in hospital because you get worse before you get better was pretty pretty dark um yeah I literally begged for my life that day because I genuinely thought I was gonna die um you thought you were gonna die yeah yeah I looked this nurse in the this midwife in the mirror and I Steve had just gone home taken Charlie home and I was just sat on this hospital bed and I thought oh my god I've had a baby and I'm gonna die I'm never gonna I'm never gonna see her grow up I'm never gonna get to see what Steve's like with her never gonna get to see my family again called my best friend probably really bad now shouldn't laugh but like feel really sorry for her now called my best friend I said I think I'm gonna die and she was like she was amazing she is amazing um and I just that genuinely and that is that is sepsis it makes you feel like it really does I didn't die um and thankfully so um can we just because that is such a big statement and it's such a it must be so hard for you to process that maybe you've had to do a lot of processing since that moment but what impact did that moment have on you as a new mum it was awful and I sat in my house I was scared to go out for about two weeks after because I can't it's hard to explain it when it's it's it's worse mental health because you can't explain the foggy feeling um but when you felt like you are going to die that it takes a lot to process it and understand that you didn't and then the fear takes over of every little thing that you do what if and when I left hospital it wasn't like I was better and it was all brilliant when I left hospital I was still really unwell I was still on antibiotics they still hadn't got my my milk was not under control they didn't know where to send me there was no one there was no expert no doctor that could apparently help me um and so I had to figure sort of figure things out for myself which when you've been so close to dying was absolutely terrifying and when you say close to dying can we try and understand is that because the sepsis had taken a hold so dramatically and so impactfully that that actually that was a reality yeah if i hadn't have gone to the hospital that's what they said to me if i hadn't gone on that sunday and i'd have stayed at home with sepsis literally like every minute hour is is essential so that's why unfortunately some people like end up in ICU they can lose limbs I was so fortunate that that midwife told me to go then because yes I had sepsis and yes I genuinely felt like I was going to die that night because I got worse and the infection takes hold more before the antibiotics really kick it into touch but if I'd have gone 24 hours later I could have been in ICU and it could have been a really really different story so social media essentially saved your life yeah in that in that moment yeah that's absolutely crazy but I guess as well when you've just been through that and then you're also navigating a new life yeah and all of the things that come do you think it's changed you as a mum like do you think you would have been different if that hadn't have happened what changed you as a person yeah do you see life differently yeah definitely I definitely see life differently you know I was saying like I don't seem to care about what other people think anymore it's interesting which is a probably a positive yeah um I've always been someone I've really I really try hard to make everyone happy and I really love like making people happy um almost to my detriment where you know but now I sort of think I definitely do I you know my main purpose is just to make Charlie happy and live life and have fun with her and Steve and even if it's doing the simple things um I don't care what people like you can say it you could say anything to me your words if I don't know you like your words probably won't hurt me anymore because when you you kind of just have to realize that this god this sounds dramatic indeed doesn't it we only what I've realized is we only have one life and nobody is going to tell you unfortunately when that life is going to end but it is going to end at some point so we have a choice to either live life to the fullest and do what's right for us or constantly live our lives for somebody else and that's that is what it's made me realize I why am I living my life for other people I need to live it for myself because what I've realized is if I'm the best version of me I'm the best version of a mum for Charlie and I can be a really good mum to Charlie a better mum than I could have ever been yeah wow I mean it's it's it's isn't it a way of I mean it's an awful way of kind of having that shake you know sometimes when you become a parent there's so much noise and so much chaos and so much give give give that you really forget to check in with you how you feel you know what your role is what your purpose is in life what makes you happy what makes you feel it's you're just bottom of the pile stuff and actually maybe this is you know in a in a horrible way the sort of smack in the face that we all need to go like fucking hell this is our life too this is our life and you need time for you it's like I've I have you know you know you were saying we were saying about people saying when you go back to work well I have prioritized myself in a lot of situations I've taken myself away from Charlie for an hour to go and sit in an oxygen chamber because I knew that was going to help my body to recover in the long run to go and have you know I I've gone a bit OTT probably but I need to make sure that my body was in the best shape so I'm really cautious on my diet I always have been but like you know when I say diet as in eating less ultra processed foods and all of that because the healthier I can be the better and just even if it's going back from work half an hour later where I've just grabbed myself a cup of coffee or a cup of tea and just sat and gone through emails just to get myself sorted so when I walk back through that door I'm present correct there for her with nothing no other noise oh that's really yeah it's such a good takeaway as well for people listening because I think especially when you are in like particularly difficult parts of parenting like different stages you can get so caught up in the like the nonsense that actually you do forget that you lose you can completely lose yourself and sometimes all it takes is that half an hour you know the little little glimmers of like just decompressing yeah um putting back in yeah putting back in and it doesn't have to be indulgent I I think that's the other thing, isn't it?

40:37Yeah. People look at putting back into yourself. It has to be this whole big rigmarole and a whole big scene. But actually it doesn't. Like you say, it can be coming home from work half an hour later, having just had a minute. And that's all you need sometimes. This is making me feel quite emotional, actually, because I remember looking back at the first throws of parenting for me and going through the labour, which was three days long. And then Doza went back to work. and I had a stepchild to take care of as well. And I was a new mom. I look back at those photos and I'm like, who, I didn't even know who I was, what I look like.

41:16I didn't recognize myself. I reckon it took me five, six years to start feeling like myself again. There was nobody that was there to come and help me out. My mom was living in Kenya. It was like, it was exhausting. I mean, all parenting is exhausting, but I don't think you ever give yourself that time to recover from what you've gone through. and I think quite often you said it it's like I don't know and I I really struggle to understand why we've got to this narrative where a mum taking half an hour out yeah is considered selfish or indulgent or indulgent you know oh my goodness how dare you yeah sorry but you wouldn't again you wouldn't say to to a dad who's gone to work or gone to gone to golf three weeks after not that actually Steve didn't do that but you know sounded like I was outing him then but you know you wouldn't say it when they're planning golf trips oh oh god you're so indulgent aren't you and I really hate that narrative that that potentially I'm being really selfish here but my opinion is we as mums there is so much pressure put on us you need some you time you need to figure out who you are because then you're going to be better for them and also if all you do is mum things then that old you is never going to come back you know if all you've spoken about is baby baby baby for a whole year which and there's nothing wrong in being so ultra baby focused but you do need to remember that you are a person as well and you're allowed to be a person great point and also as well you know like I don't know if you find it but in like friendship groups among you know among other mums you'll be like oh you know I'm just I've got 10 minutes to myself and like almost celebrating that and I come back and I think that's not good enough like it's actually not good enough why are we celebrating oh my god i've had a hot cup of tea that is like bare minimum yeah i was drunk a glass of water yeah oh i went for a wee by myself fuck off don't come into the fucking loo when i'm having a wee piss off yeah yeah you know and also like i i don't think this noise will go away until we start really making a stance on what is acceptable for us and what isn't acceptable you know going to the gym on a sunday afternoon they don't put up my partner won't blink twice doing that and yet it's still a part of me feels oh god and I'm thinking no if you're gonna do it I should be able to do it but that's not him not letting me that's me not letting me yeah yeah yeah that's it's not that it's actually that we've got this thing and we've got to make more noise to be like no actually to change the narrative of you're allowed to say I'm going here yeah now okay off you go see you in three hours yeah yeah yeah yeah it shouldn't be it shouldn't be considered indulgent or selfish just to have a bit of time and maybe blessing in disguise about having sepsis is that it's definitely allowed me to mentally go I need that I have to be that I have to be that version to be me and going back to work so soon helped that as well you know because that is I get to be me at work oh my god you're amazing no we love her yeah she gets engaged can we ask you to give us the best piece of advice that you have been given as a parent or the piece of advice that you'd like to impart on a parent listening haven't we just I mean the best part is just what we said you know do what you want to do block out the noise do what works for you and your family I think that is the best and because the truth of the matter is Friends, family, social media, people you've never even met are all going to have an opinion on what you do.

44:49So Sodom, just do what you want to do. If you want to go and every single weekend walk with your baby in a carrier and find different routes that end in a pub, you do that. If that's what you find enjoyment in parenting, you do it. And let me tell you, if it's something like that, it's great because even when you're not there, the dad will do it with their best friend like what happened to me yesterday. And the best friend took the role of mum. Brilliant. That's great. And what about products apart from a carrier? Carrier is a big one. I actually realize now there's loads of things that you buy and you think that you need and you really don't need.

45:31Well, you think it's going to solve everything. Yeah. for me especially in the summer and going away like a travel pram that folds down is essential any brands you love yeah Maxi Cozy we've got the Lara 2 that is it's so like take it on the plane can give it to the grannies it's lightweight for them to push like they can put it up easy you can get the foot muff for winter she gets all cozy in it like perfect in the house we have I tell you what we've got which is a game changer we've got like this projector which we put on when we do bedtime and it gets green stars all over the ceiling in her nursery yeah and so we go in we do bath time we and when we get a change for our time the lights and stars are already on so it's already dark she knows signals bedtime like and it's really nice like peaceful and i i really like she likes that it's like she knows her brain sees that and it's like all calm what's the brand that was just an amazon buy it was an amazon yeah no that's fine but that's a simple one and the man bottles are the best bottles oh yeah we were man users yeah we were 100 % they're still going strong yeah they're the best bottles during lockdown we were doing shots out of the man bottles yeah there's anything to keep going yeah on the zoom party not just like randomly yeah yeah yeah just to get you through the day just doing your own thank you so much for coming on you've got to rush off because you've got a radio show to get to yeah we've got to talk about Timothy Chalamet winning a Golden Global or something.

47:00Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. I'm thanking his partner again. I know. There's going to be a wedding. Do you think? Yeah, definitely. Best dressed at the Golden Globes last night. Yeah, I saw that. Oh, my God. She looks insane. She is insane. She is insane. She is insane. She is. And she's, listen, you can, listen, say what you like about Kylie Jenner, but she's had two kids and you can't say she's not a great mum. I love watching her stuff as a mum. I think she's so, like, natural with it. She's great. Yeah, she is really natural as a mum, isn't she? Yeah, she's good. She's really good. And she's got some cracking features.

47:32Features. I'm just jealous. I keep zooming in on her boobs going, this is my year of the boobs job. Do you know what I said to Steve the other day? I said, you better start saving because for my 40th, I'm definitely going to need a boob job. The way they've deflated. We'll go for a bog off. Yeah, can't we? Oh, yeah, you took a bog off. Yeah, it's a good go. Also, no one tells you about that, do they? No. Pregnancy, you're like, well, these are nice. Then you get the opposite of what I had. Then they're poof, and then suddenly. Did you take some photographs of them, though? yeah luckily do you know what this is gonna sound bad my male friends um told me uh just before well in the summer before I got pregnant randomly one of them went hey you need to take a picture of yourself naked and I went why he said because your body regardless will never like whatever happens to you your body will never be as young and look like it does now and I was like so you've got it in the archive so I've got a good I've got some good pictures and now I'm so grateful I was to him the other day, thanks for telling me to take that picture.

48:25Yeah. I love that. Your male friend is having a cracking body, take a picture of it. Listen, Steve's not looked at the boobs since. He's like, no, he's probably got another five years to get over that. Amy, Vivian, everyone, thank you so much. Thank you. Jesus. I mean, she's been through it. Yeah, that story is scary because you also know how many people have had mastitis. I had mastitis, had antibiotics, and And the scary part is that I didn't, well, did you know it could lead to sepsis? No way. I didn't. I think as well, again, as mums, we just keep going. And I bet so many people easily just would power through because they think, oh, well, the doctor said I don't need antibiotics.

49:07And I can't imagine thinking you're going to die when you've just had a baby. Really honest if I had to come on and share that as well. Because that's a big thing to process. Yeah. And navigating, you know, looking after a tiny human and going back to work and everything else. I mean, you could tell how much that has impacted her, but also how strong she is. Yeah, I was going to say. Very, very resilient. She definitely didn't have a sort of upset look upon it. Like she's very. Pragmatic. Yeah, pragmatic. And also just says, you know, this, yeah, this has changed me. And this has changed me in a good, you know, in a good way.

49:46In some, you know, in some ways. and this is who I am now because of what's happened. But I do think as well, like this is really interesting how when we were having our first, we didn't know about all this judgment. And now we're all so attuned to it. Like she's very conscious of what she wants to be, who she shows up as online. It's just another thing, isn't it, that you don't prepare yourself for, I guess, like judgment within communities, judgment within friendship, you know, everything. it's it's a real lot and the whole going back to work and I love it when people like oh why would you do that and the case she has to she doesn't get paid otherwise so what what do you expect what do you expect to do I know I know and that actually when she was telling us that the the stories on the pod today I was thinking a lot about when we started Made by Mamas yeah and why we started it yeah you know for that non-judgmental place support the community yeah that no topic was off the table that actually we're basically stick the middle finger up at anyone that comes on and wags their finger at us yeah because that's not what we need as new mums no I know and in as well like could we have done that now because I don't know if I could have been so open and honest now knowing what I know people think as we were then I think you've got more open I have in some ways but I don't know if I didn't know that with all this the stuff about you know babies and all of that we were very like not naive to it we were green but we were just like we just said what we were doing and like that was it whereas now there's so much noise around it i wonder if our minds would have been blurred a bit well thank goodness we did it eight years ago exactly and we could just don't know take you all along with with us um amy was amazing today thank you so much um to her for coming on and thank you guys for listening to today's podcast it's an absolute treat to be back with you for 2026.

51:44We've got a really exciting year ahead, haven't we? We have. As always, we would absolutely love you to rate, review, subscribe and please give our podcast a follow so you don't miss an episode. Yeah, and if you've got any feedback on this episode or guests you'd like to hear from, topics you'd like us to cover, drop us a DM on Instagram. We're on At Made By Mamas and we'll be back on Friday.