Charity Wakefield On How Cinema Brings Families Together

0:02Zoe and Georgia will be here in just a moment with Made by Mummers. Once you've finished this episode, you should catch up on You Don't Know You're Born, the parenting podcast from Danny Miller, Brooke Vincent and Wingman as they navigate raising their kids in a world of screens and smart speakers, a far cry from their own upbringing. Each week, they draw on their Coronation Street and Emmerdale roots to share a bit of parenting wisdom in acting up. It's very silly and very funny. Just search You Don't Know You're Born wherever you get your podcasts and queue up the latest episode to play next.

0:50Always responsibly farmed or sustainable while caught. Explore vibrant seasonal flavors like their trending mango yuzu chantilly cake. Great for brunch or an after dinner treat. Speaking of brunch, check out their deviled eggs, cold pressed juices and more. Spring is in bloom now at Whole Foods Market. ID Tech is more than just the original and most trusted tech camp for kids ages 7 to 17. ID Tech is where kids find their people. The engineering and creating people. the fire-breathing, shell-spinning BattleBots people, the just-as-happy building games as they are playing them people. IDTech offers over 50 epic courses, like Camp Crunch Labs IRL, BattleBots with Take-Home Bots, and more at 75 college campuses across the country.

1:36Visit IDTech.com and use code IDTech to save$150 on a week that's guaranteed to be the highlight of your kid's summer. Hello and welcome to Made by Mamas, the podcast. I'm Zoe Hardman. And I'm Georgia Dayton. And this is your parenting safe space where no conversation is off limits. With five kids between G and I, we have seen a lot.

2:01Charity Wakefield: We really have. Each week we'll be joined by some famous faces and experts, and we'll chat about the brands and products that have saved us along the way. In short, we're the parenting podcast for you. Before we get started, hit subscribe or follow so you're the first to know when each episode lands. And they're on Tuesdays and Fridays. And it really helps if you leave a rating and a review. You can also find us on Instagram. We're on at Made by Mummies. But for now, George, should we get into it? Are you alive? We've both said we've forgotten our words today, which is really not ideal when you're recording a podcast, is it?

2:37Charity Wakefield: I left the house this morning. I turned around to the kids and went, have a nice September. And we had two nutritionists on the podcast and I called them nutrition. So that's brilliant. Have a nice time in September. I was like, have a nice time at school. Sorry, I'm coming back before September. Yeah. I forgot to put my HRT gel on on Friday and Saturday. We're recording this on a Monday and I really think it's knocked my brain cells out. I've got no excuse. So that's brilliant for me, isn't it? Stay tuned, guys. At least you know you're going to be all right. How are you anyway? How's your weekend been?

3:09Charity Wakefield: It's been so lovely. Talk about Hello Spring. I was sat in a beer garden for the first time this year. Did you? Very nice. Obviously the kids were there and some friends. Then we went for a lovely walk on the river. What else did we do? I actually left my kitchen and went out for dinner with some school parents. Some grown-ups. Yeah, went to the Japanese in Cobham, Kinjo. It's really nice. And then yesterday I cooked an Italian dinner. What did you cook? Ananda special recipe. Just some pasta. But like, it was really easy. You've made a tomato sauce from scratch. Actually. That's a lie. I know.

3:45Charity Wakefield: When you just said that from scratch, I was going to go, oh yeah, how? And then I thought, no, I won't do that to you. You bitch. No, I didn't. I used a couple of pots, but I did add some garlic. Oh, well done. Just call me Jamie Oliver. Jamie Oliver, how are you? I'm good. I'm fine. What did we do this weekend? And that's all the normal stuff, dancing and football. No, you went to a garage party. No, that was last week. I didn't see you after that. I went to a garage party on Friday night last week. Oh, right. And that was, I didn't think I knew any garage music. Bam for the, bam, bam for the reload.

4:20Charity Wakefield: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I bring you flowers. Was it good? It was really good. It was so fun. James was in his element and he didn't drink, which we've chatted about. Wow. I know. I'm saying it like, whoa, he didn't drink. He never drinks, right? But I think sometimes in a social situation where you don't know anyone else and it's like, you know, quite upbeat, like sort of proper party, not drinking is really difficult. Yeah. Well, I thought it would be. Yeah, yeah. But it wasn't to him. That's so impressive though, isn't it? Because I think sometimes we talk about this so much, but using alcohol as a crutch to kind of get you through those moments where you feel maybe, oh, I don't know anybody here, what we're going to talk about.

5:01But I love that for him. Yeah, he did. Did you drink?

5:04Charity Wakefield: I did, yeah. Oh, no, don't. Do you know what? This is actually really awful. Oh, fuck. What did you do? So I turned up and they had like, you know, some waitresses serving drinks and stuff. And my friend, he's farted at all. It was like, oh, did you go and get Hersies out there? And I was like, oh, my God. I'm that friend. The one that you can't serve the normal drink to because she's so fussy. No, not fussy. And I was like, oh, my God. What did they have? Iced cold champagne. They had a bottle of champagne for me at the back. And I was like, oh, my God, Zim, what? Why? No. And she was like, no, no, because it's what you like.

5:39Charity Wakefield: It's what you like. And I was like, no, I really appreciate it, but I really don't want to be that person. The realisation that you're that person, like, oh, no, why is she coming? We've got to do this. Here comes the princess. Oh, God. Yeah, it was. Last time I went to a garage party, which was a friend, one of Doz's best mates' parties. We went, it was only last November, went to a pub in Stevenage and DJ Luck and MC Neat were performing there. Which was so vibey but there was just, it was a bit sad because there was just a load of like 40 year olds on a dance floor just going. This was the 40th, yeah.

6:15Charity Wakefield: Yeah. Yeah, this was a 40th, that was, that is. Someone chucked up on the dance floor and it sprayed in my hair. Oh, okay, no, we didn't, we didn't have that. It was so bad. What, what, my hair, I was like, oh, what's that spray? And I was like, oh my God, someone's thrown up on me. at that point I just said to Doz I was like we've got to get out of this pub we've got to leave I think I'd die it was genuinely one of the worst moments of my life who does that at a 40th oh no no that's just awful James was sick in my fringe runs actually when we were really young and since then and well I'm still traumatized actually that's probably why you can't drink anymore we need to get into today's conversation we're actually really excited so at this current moment we are waiting for today's guest to arrive so we haven't had the conversation with her but she has been for me um an actor that I have really like looked up to watched on screen really admired she's been in so many award-winning shows films um she's very much um somebody who has managed to sort of do the juggle of being a mum but also kind of continuing that yeah really impressive career on the big screen.

7:24Charity Wakefield: Yeah, and she's quite vocal about it. I think often people in this industry, her industry, can worry about falling pregnant and what that will do to their career. But she has been very charged on and made it happen. Also, I don't really watch TV or films that often, but I am really excited for her new film. Oh my god, so she's in a brand new movie which comes out in a couple of weeks' time. And we've seen bits and pieces of it, but essentially it's all around two parents, two sets of parents trying to fight it out for one place at a prestigious preschool. And the realities of like competitive parenting.

8:06So we cannot wait to dive into this one. Georgia, who are we talking to today? We're chatting to Charity Wakefield. Joining us on the podcast today, an actor known for award-winning slows. See? Award-winning slows. we're actually better than this charity I could roll with that because I actually make a really good slow gin slow gin so it's just back to the alcohol again we'll go again an actor known for award winning shows such as Wolf Hall The Great Sense and Sensibility she's a mum a partner and a star of the new comedy film Preschool which dives into the slightly chaotic world of parents battling it out for that one perfect preschool spot it looks absolutely brilliant it is Charity Wakefield yay yay How are you?

8:52How's your morning been? Really good, thank you. I was just saying that I, yeah, I always, my sweet spot is arriving, I would say, I feel like it's on time, but 30 seconds late. Like that kind of feeling, and I was a bit worried, like, was I going to be too late for today? But I feel good because I haven't, I'm not an early person. I find it hard to be early. Do you? But you've got a kid. How do you cope with the early? Well, he's normally actually on time. What do you think is on time?

9:19Charity Wakefield: Oh, no, I'm like the opposite end of the spectrum. I'm like 30 minutes early. Oh, this is very irritating. This is good. This is good. This is how it should be. So I'll come rushing in and Georgia's already had her eggs and toast and two coffees. And I'll be like, dude. And she'll be like, I've already ordered you a breakfast. And I'm like, this is the good. But she's always there early. This is why you two work so well together, though. But I did grow up with a dad that would say, if you're five minutes early, you're late. I think that's a thing, isn't it? I've only just heard this bit that actually, though.

9:48I've never heard that as a saying before in my life. So maybe someone should have said that to me much earlier. My mum is a very, very early person. She is 76 and she's only just stopped working. And she is the kind of, she worked in an office looking after, I've got my head's in America because I've been talking about American stuff in a real estate firm, I was going to say, in an estate agent. and she organized that whole office and she would say things like you know what I just woke up at five so I just went into the office and I just tidied everything up for everybody and I'm like wow I am not that person I do and I think it's hard for me because I've grown up you know with a very tidy on-time mum and I spend a lot of time thinking why isn't everything tidy it's just not because I'm not doing it it's your job it's my job um but yeah having a child has definitely changed things i mean i i will like i think i'm mostly on time with for my child which is great um there's one or two things that go awry but i will say having a child who's just started school um in preschool or reception as we call it here the film was actually um written for an american um it was actually going to be filmed in america and so it was called preschool so i think preschool is a more familiar term isn't it in america for this reception age child yes this is preschool

11:03Charity Wakefield: school to us is age three isn't it yeah exactly but in america is it it means reception reception right so it's like four but the vibe is the same it's still that kind of thing and it is that you know reception is essentially the same thing as in america the preschool thing where you're sending your child to school for the first time and they're just a bit littler than you'd sort of imagined them doing that um but yeah when my my son was uh you know first going in september I just thought I can't believe how many things there are in school there's a pajama day there's world book day there's odd socks day there's so many days of things and and now and and yeah there's many different ways to communicate now like I think you know my parents had it easy I think the other day we had a um a spotted outfit day right polka dot day polka dot day and basically I was freaking out thinking I haven't got fucking anything.

11:57So I just basically had to destroy one of her really nice white tops and just draw black dots all over it. What was the point of that? There was no fucking point.

12:06Charity Wakefield: Just to throw a spanner in the works. No, it was like a donate you could give. It always comes with a donation, doesn't it? Yeah, a donation. It's always a donation thing. That's how they get you. They get you in the costume thing and then they're like, but since you've done that costume, you now have to donate some money. And you're like, oh, well, I was getting into the costume thing. Just let me do the money and not the costume. How has the first year of school been? Good. Really amazing, actually. I think, so I'm an actor and my husband, David Newman, is also an actor who's also available for acting work.

12:37We're both available, guys. I've been watching too much Megan Salter. He is an actor too. And we're both, I think, quite creative. We like making stuff. We're quite outdoorsy. I am an ambassador for the Woodland Trust. I'm always going outside and doing tree things. and, you know, even in my kind of work capacity as well as my own life. So, and he makes stuff like, he's really good at kind of doing carpentry type things. And like, we have a potter's wheel at home. And I think this is a brilliant thing for a king, a king, a kid. That's Freudian slip, isn't it? The king of our house, my son, to grow up in.

13:13Do you mean like a pottery wheel? Like from Ghost?

13:16Charity Wakefield: Well, we don't take it that far. I was going to say you and David. Just there. Yeah. No. Oh, my. No, nothing like that has occurred because for one, getting the potters, Dave got me this pottery wheel for my birthday. I actually did a GCSE in pottery just to pre-date this conversation. Excellent. So I really feel very qualified to do pottery stuff. That was a long time ago now. And actually making pottery is really hard. It seemed easier when I was 15. And also, you know, having the time to kind of get it out and do stuff. Did it on Mother's Day this year. I was allowed to get the pottery wheel out.

13:52and we and you know it's complete carnage basically because obviously well my son is five and so we were doing this he was naturally probably much better than me at it everything was a big mess but um it's a very long-winded way of saying I think he loves school because it has you know he gets to sort of know this is when things happen and it always happens on a regular basis every day and the life of probably for him living with two actors as parents is really quite unusual like I did another film in the summer and that was filming in Cologne in Germany so we had the end of you know sort of our preschool year but he was in nursery last year in a very relaxed kind of you know quite quite like the nursery that's featured in preschool I must say at the very end to give a spoiler away there are two different kind of preschool experiences in the film so one was more like a Montessori kind of free yeah the thing that yes uh just not get too tangled I'll finish this story but essentially in the summer he had been in this very kind of relaxed sort of preschool and then you know we had to kind of jump off and go to um Germany for like two months you know which was great Cologne is amazing for kids by the way shout out to Cologne lots of amazing swimming baths they've got like incredible places to go paddling in the middle of the city it's amazing um but yeah school is is is great it's great for all of us because it's there's a schedule now how do you find kind of making new friends like how have the other school parents been too easy too many so many new friends that I'm I'm 45 so I'm a bit like got to that level where you're like I think I probably got all my friends yeah got lots of lovely friends and because I jumped from project to project there's always you know lots of new people to me but it's been completely amazing and I think I've gotten to know my local area so much more being a parent and to get involved with the school stuff I really thought um I'm not going to get be that parent that gets involved with things you know I've got to do things already that I'm doing and and then the first thing that happened was the school disco and any anybody wants anybody that can come and help us come in and did you go and help yeah I was like immediately yeah that's

15:59Charity Wakefield: fun i'd like to be part of the school disco now now that they're older to see like you know the gossip you'd want to be part of the group that spent time doing the school like putting the school disco together or just going to help out arrive on the evening yeah yeah yeah that's i just did the setup but i really like setting up parties i think that could have been a job for me do you like that you guys oh my god yeah i like being at parties yeah is that what you meant setting them up or do you like arriving? I like arriving. But how is it, you know, with the schedule and having like a very structured school life and then both your partner and obviously you have got not very structured jobs, I guess.

16:40Charity Wakefield: How do you balance that? Because we find it difficult and we kind of know where we are most of the time. Yeah, it's really hard, but we have to prioritise our child, which is really the thing I've had to learn. It's, you know, I kind of, it makes me laugh sometimes just how different life was before. having a child but it's good it brings meaning to your life and you know there's a lot of love there and yeah it's it genuinely is it kind of starts with that any kind of planning starts with what's happening in your child's life it just kind of has to um but I I am also really interested in you know people who do things in an unusual way like I um I don't know if we'll do this but I do see you know the benefit of doing something like going away for a whole year and traveling oh my gosh yeah um we we actually saw um the magic faraway tree yesterday oh my god I so want to go see that I'm not supposed to be talking about that film but I will it as in like I have a film to talk about but I will say the magic faraway tree is absolutely incredible um it's a beautiful beautiful film and the whole I was there because I'm an ambassador for the Woodland Trust and there's obviously connections with looking at nature and seeing how we can you know relax with one another especially as families when we're outside of nature away from technology and the imagination starts to come and this film is such a beautiful beautiful family film about a family who is really in the midst of being in the group of technology for lots of different reasons they've modernized the story in that context way and then they go into the um into the kind of countryside and they have to set up house and they haven't got any money and they've got to just do everything from scratch and it's about how this family is brought back together through doing that and then of course all of the incredible imaginative stuff in the magic faraway tree um so yeah i want to see that it's andrew garfield andrew garfield claire foy nicola cochin there's a brilliant scene in the trailer where um the girl's like have you got wi-fi and the farmer comes in and goes i've got wi-fi and then he goes out the door and he comes back in with his wife and goes this is it's so brilliant it's a brilliant brilliant film and yeah it kind of makes me think that's you know that's the way really is get we also have a dog so kind of getting outside is quite an easy thing for us to do but I do think when you're really busy and you've got lots of things and it is the technology thing isn't it we've got so many different ways to communicate that we kind of you can get you know I can sit on my phone for hours and hours and hours so yeah a bit more scheduling around that I think schedules get into the schedules schedules yeah schedules go out the window don't they I know we've spoken about it before but would you like to do that have a year off and just like yeah go yeah there's another film I can really recommend that's not the film but it's a film called blink it's a documentary um and it's a film about um a family who discover they've got I think four children and it's very sad in some ways it's a real documentary it's about a family that have got um four children and I think three of them are diagnosed with a terminal um problem not sorry not a terminal disease for themselves but um a disease of the eye that means that they will go blind um and it's the story about these two Canadian parents who took their children out of everything for a whole year and went traveling around the world because of the reason that they wanted their children to feel and see life to build these memories of traveling and I think they got I don't know how they funded that I don't you know obviously these things are incredibly difficult to actually organize and actually do but maybe there's a you can see why in the film that was a really important thing to do for them and i'm not saying it's the right thing for every everybody but i do think the idea of getting out of the city and taking for a for some some time you know for two three weeks in the summer let's say or it's not about spending loads of money yeah you know it's we've got a camper van you know we're lucky to have that there was one thing we kind of wanted to have when we kind of you know when our jobs kind of were working out we were getting on that good payroll from doing tv and film and things um but even just going I'm a big kind of camper we go to wilderness festival like there's a lot there's a lot you can do um even just going out for a walk in the forest I feel like that's one of my biggest achievements with my kids is that they want to on a Saturday go to the forest with the dog and walk we want to be in nature my daughter Luna was like please please and our other friends that we were I love them to death but they're literally like hate walking and I was but we're going for a walk.

21:04They've done so many studies, you know, in Japan, when people have mental health problems, they tell them to go for forest walks. There is something about being connected to nature and our kids have to experience that, in my opinion. I think it's the, like, three-dimensionality of it and, like, it's such a multi-experience because it's so central. No, what am I saying? Central? Sensual. Sensual. Sensual. Sensual, you know, in the sense that you're hearing things really far above you. You're hearing the birds, you're crunching on the floor, you're smelling lots of different smells and then you can literally climb a tree and that is just such a different experience from kind of walking around in the city with everything kind of being cement and you you know it's just you're really yeah it there's I don't know and there's so much science now that can actually really define what it is we all know it feels really good to go for a walk in the woods but we now know things like trees literally communicate with each other through Mike Riesel networks under the ground and through the fungi.

22:03It's completely amazing. If you read, there's a brilliant book called Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake that talks about fungus, fungal things and mushrooms. It's not going to be everyone's cup of tea, but there is a little bit of talk about psychedelics in there. But mostly it's just about, you know, and I think he got that title from Darwin, from Entangled Life. And it's this kind of back to basics thing of going like, literally everything's connected so it's really great if we can actually you know experience that in life you know what I just think more trees and wildlife in the cities and then more people in the countryside and then we'll get to a place where we feel good about about nature and people you know the first thing we do with our kids is read books about nature and they want to learn all the animals and and then there's a kind of a disconnect where it's like the quote-unquote real world takes over and we learn about what jobs we're going to have and all the brilliant things that human beings have done.

22:56And it is brilliant, but it's nothing without the natural world underneath, I think.

23:00Charity Wakefield: We'll be right back after this short break.

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25:14Welcome back to this episode of Made by Mamas. Now, where were we? Do you find, because obviously the nature of your work, you have to play different people, different characters. Is there a sense of, you know, when you became a mother, still wanting to retain the identity in yourself very much and feeling grounded when you're, you know, at home and in your sort of regular day to day? Because I imagine there's so much travel involved and picking up characters and learning lines. It must feel quite crazy sometimes. in some ways I think I didn't consciously do that but I think when really I mostly the experience of having a baby having a newborn does that so naturally and it's also quite terrifying I think for everybody and I don't think I'm alone just because I'm an actor in that sense of questioning your identity because you are it is quite solitary um or it can be not for everybody but that first those first moments particularly when you're recovering from birth however your birth is that's something that brings you back to a kind of real base level of being human being and you know I I never care anymore for example what I look like really I mean I do care what I look like for a character and of course we all want to look nice but in comparison to those first you know your interest isn't really what do I look like when I'm having your first baby it's keeping them alive making them happy finding that connection with them understanding their cues that first sorry I've literally just snotted on my nose back to basics guys just like you know um you know you have to ask for help which I found really hard you know I feel like a very independent person and like to go through a life of acting you've got to be quite tough you've got lots of rejection and yeah picking up lots of different characters like sure I'll play a yeah I'm going to play a pro tennis player or like no I'm going to play someone in the 15th century and you know all these different things feel quite scary and they make you quite tough you have to sort of like say yeah I'm the kind of person that can just do that and then when you have a baby there's no not really an answer to anything you're completely vulnerable there's lots of different ways of doing everything that you start to find out about and it's you feel really raw and then And I think as you start to kind of get back into the life outside your house, it was definitely really interesting, that moment of identity.

27:37And I didn't find it easy at all. What was the part that surprised you the most, do you think? The lack of identity. The lack of identity. I think for me, it was the thing that I found most surprising is I started to just question my understanding of like literally everything of the whole world and it just really blew my mind and I got into quite a frightened state actually at certain points because I realized that all of the things that we know that we hang our lives on that you know just even the structure of basic life this is the way that we do things you realize when you look at a newborn that doesn't understand anything at all about the world and doesn't even see you know they see upside down for the first part of being a baby I didn't know that they do they see upside down and in black and white just at the very beginning and then they start to kind of rejig and they start to learn and it's a long time you know it's a long time yeah things and am I I think I'm right about that probably someone's gonna write it's okay if someone tells me that I'm wrong because this is one of the many things about motherhood yeah maybe you've remembered stuff wrong guys you can't be perfect um but I know that it's fuzzy for them and you know it's kind of um that thing of really just looking at what are the things that I think I have to do in my life and what are the things that I can let go of and what are the new things and living in a city I think I felt a bit immediately I actually had this really strong feeling and also I had my baby just at the end of COVID so I'd been in in kind of um I nearly said incarcerated but you know I've been locked down for all that time my whole pregnancy didn't get to see any of my family in person during my pregnancy and then had my baby and then you know was going out to the world and seeing people for the first time and I think I felt especially vulnerable because that was a good thing wanted to see everybody of course but I suddenly thought my goodness pollution in London oh my goodness all these cars all these people you know maybe I should be outside of London however as soon as I started to get into like social groups and going to just good old bog-standard play schools you know around the corner from me a play school ran by lots of older ladies yeah cup of tea and a biscuit normal things just kind of I found a hugely incredible connectivity around being a parent and being um around other children and I feel like it's kind of a second life almost like it's so now I'm going through it in a different way I just feel really so grateful to everybody that steps above and beyond to kind of make those connectivity things happen because during COVID there was nothing yeah our NCT group we couldn't even meet in person you know it was online so I'm so grateful for that it is interesting about you know

30:18Charity Wakefield: people who had babies during covid and losing that connection because like Zoe and I like joke around you know like I didn't really meet any mates in NCT you know you're not how could you possibly make real friendships just because you've got a baby born in the same month right you think that but then actually in here we did in that first year it kind of levels like everyone has that same um well you've got something in common whether that is just you're at that particular stage and age and once you take that away you do realize like how much it's needed yeah because we I mean like you know looking back we're like oh god you know I didn't have anything in common with that person that baby sign or whatever but we got you know we got by but actually taken away that is so instrumental in your experience but it's good to be with people that you don't have something in common with as well.

31:11And I think that's something I really enjoyed about becoming a parent because as an actor, I'm kind of often linked to many, many different peoples across different projects and things. But I don't, you know, we're kind of, what we have is like the world of building drama or comedy or whatever it is. Like we've got that kind of vernacular. We all have lots in common. But actually like I've really benefited from meeting a load of people who don't do this job, who do completely other things and learned a lot from there. Do you think you found your tribe? um I don't know if I've I don't know um I just found lots of interesting people that like I hear lots of different perspectives yeah which I do really enjoy yeah you know that step that the next step now which I which I'm at and weirdly it was exactly the same timing for the film preschool I got that job when I was you know at this which is playing a person whose child is about to start preschool or in what we would say reception just at the time where I was thinking about that for my own child um and and it is a really kind of significant stage you try not to think of it as really important but you can't help that because your child is going into a long form thing they're probably going to be at that school for a long time maybe not maybe if you move it's not but for us it was going to be like that and you feel like you're giving your child to a group of people and you don't have any control over that and it feels nerve-wracking and scary and you want the absolute best for them.

32:40So you're conscious about where they go. In the film, the two sets of parents that we follow in the film, they happen to be quite rich. So they're really people that can absolutely choose, you know, and that actually oddly makes the question for them even harder because it's this question of, you know, for me I'm not really rich and I'm not looking at that kind of paying for a school situation. Also, I grew up in, I went to a state school myself, so it's actually quite important for me to have a state education for my child, personally speaking, not right for everybody. The parents in this film have every choice available to them and they've both chosen this particular school that they think is absolutely incredible, a really kind of respectable school with lots and lots of facility, with a kind of route through into the best possible, you know, schools, universities probably.

33:37And what happens in the film is that they realize there's only one spot left and they've got to compete to get that spot and they've not got that much time. And so they have to do like a father's presentation. They have to write a whole essay about why their child should be the one to get this spot. And then in the doing of that, They also start to get personally really, really competitive. They realize they live very far away from each other. Sorry, they don't, the opposite. They realize they live very close to one another, but their kind of mindsets are very, very far away from each other. So you've got kind of worst of both worlds, really, because they can't escape each other, but they think really, really differently.

34:20And they ultimately want to get their kid in this school. So my character suggests that the other family should, that we shouldn't, you know, become enemies. There's a way through this. we can be it's like healthy competition right so she invites them over for dinner and they start to get to know each other more and then it's the two husbands who start really everything becomes really personal and they they literally start fighting and stuff so for me it's a fascinating look at competition between men yeah it's in there it's in the film and it's also a film about wanting the best for your children and the lengths that you'll go to I think that's universal I think competition's universal but I do think it's interesting that the film the comedy actually relies on the fact that we understand that men are so competitive yeah you know so that it's in there and it's stuff to talk about and I think it's a really good way of looking at that um it's really really funny there are so many moments that I can see when I'm watching it where I can see that I am laughing and I'm trying my best not to laugh and I think that's the best possible kind of comedy they let they let us improvise a lot and the film the film was already really funny when we read it Michael Socker is an amazing actor and he has this whole history of improvising I watched so much of his work I was actually quite nervous to meet him because I'm a big Shane Meadows fan and like I know that that's his absolute go-to and when Josh, Josh DeMalle who directed it and also played my husband in it or rather I played his wife really it's that way around but he encouraged us from the beginning to flesh out our characters because it was originally written for America and written to be staged in Malibu we knew that we had to work to make it feel relevant in to be set in London and so he let us kind of really build up our characters and actually Antonia Thomas and I wrote little bits that kind of went into the script because we just felt like the film is about the two men and there was the motherhood story in there too and so that was a lovely thing and the film were really Richard Vidio who wrote it was really embracing of that and let us, we all kind of, it felt like a big family doing it in a way.

36:24And those scenes that we got to improvise around were so fun and funny to do. And I feel like the editor's been great because he's kept in quite a lot of the, the kind of the nuance of the group scenes. The first film scene we shot was a Padel scene. Have you ever played Padel? Now, this is really interesting because my mum lives in Kenya and at Christmas when we went over there to see her, she was like, oh, there's a pickle court down there. and I was like, oh, brilliant, we're going to go play Pickle. She goes, but everyone is now playing Paddel. And I said, right, because she is very posh and speaks like the crew.

36:57And I said, what, you sound like an absolute villain. We call it Paddel. It's Paddel. We call it Paddel. But people are now calling it Paddel. Oh, they actually. Can I tell you why? Because it's, I think it started in Spain. Yeah. Paddel. And so it's actually Paddel. Paddel. Well, I only know this because the guy that was teaching us it on the date, by the way, we had no rehearsal for that scene. We literally went in. It was our first scene that we shot. And they were like, here are your Paddle. And then I was like, is it Paddle or Paddle? He was like, Paddle. Okay. And I saw him and I was like, I can see you are.

37:29He was like a top Paddle player. And he was literally like, just hit the ball. I was like, okay, we haven't got time. Easier said than done.

37:35Charity Wakefield: Easier said than done. So it was supposed to be such a short scene and it was much longer just because it was just so, so fun to do. And like, it was really like, it exemplifies the thing between the two men, like, you know, the way that they kind of go at it. it was just it was fun it was a good it was a good starting it felt like the bits that i've seen so we're yet to see the full the full film but the bits that we saw it felt like everything that we've seen and experienced times 10 as in you know there was a um a tug of war competition with the dads at the last sports day and my husband used to play professional rugby and everyone was like we want to on our team what does that and it was like they were competing for an olympic gold you know and they were devastated the losing team were devastated so i feel like you see it all the time This is just a version which is, you know, slightly exaggerated.

38:19But, oh, my God, it's brilliant.

38:21Charity Wakefield: Have you seen, like, elements in parenting that are really competitive? Because I had, honestly, before being a parent, I had no idea. I'm not competitive, right? I'm really not. I can't play sport. I'm absolutely terrible. So I just never had that, like, I don't know. Yeah. But then suddenly, bringing parenting, I feel myself being like, oh, yeah, well, yeah, we're going to play cricket. I like it. What the hell are you doing? I'm going to play cricket. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just going to go home and Google exactly what it looks like. Yeah. Bat. Bat. Helmet. Box. Have there been parts of parenting that you've found weirdly that people are really competitive around?

39:06Charity Wakefield: Yes. I can say so. Baking is one of them. Baking is not something that I really do as anyone in my family will tell you. I am not a good cook or a good baker. I get very distracted. I like to do multiple things at the same time. And so I find it really hard to put anything, even in a toaster, and then stay by it. Honestly, my son will say, Daddy is the best cooker, as he calls it. That's true. Dave is an amazing cook. And, you know, that's great. But I, even myself, have found myself needing to bake, you know, a little bit. That first, his first cake that he had, it was like a honeybee made with real honey and had real flowers on it.

39:49And I was like, you know, I just felt like I needed to, you know, show up in this way that I've never done before. But yeah, I mean, he's only in his first year. I was going to say, I think that will fade out. I don't know. We haven't done sports day yet. What are the things? Tell me. Give me some prep.

40:05Charity Wakefield: We don't have parents races at sports day. Probably a good thing. But I think that's because the first year someone broke their ankle in the dad's race. And so I think after that, it was like, yeah, and I'm so grateful, like genuinely. You would never put your hand up to be in the mom's race, whereas I'd be like, you know, training for weeks in advance. My husband would be like that. I would definitely be balls deep in it. But I would put it to you that there's a humble competition, not a humble brag, but a humble competition that happens, which I can relate to in the dressing up section. Because it's quite hard being an actor because I'm like, oh, I've got the tools.

40:44I'm like, I've got the kit. I mean, I have got the makeup. Time to shine. Yeah. But should I use this as a chance to show? I don't know. It's like the World Book Day thing. I was so grateful because my cousin Tom and his wife Lou gave us a Tiger That Came to Tea outfit about three weeks ago. They just did. We went over for Sunday Roast and they just gave us that. Bessie and Lois sweetly gave us that shout out to Bessie and Lois. And so I was like, oh, thank goodness, because my son has seen the play version of Tiger That Came to Tea. He knows that. But I was like, this is a real, you know, he will.

41:18And I was like, I don't have to do. Because I do think that's a bit like we go and you're like, oh, wow, that's really, really nice. The thing is, and the sadness, I think, is that at this age, they will do it. And they want to get dressed up. And they want to go in. Does that change? In a couple of years' time. Oh, yeah. A workbook day. Walking into Luna's room and her having laid out some baggy jeans and a T-shirt and saying, well, what's this? And she was like, well, that's Lottie Brooks. And I was like, that's an outfit. Then we changed last minute and she went in her pyjamas from the Midnight Gang to Williams.

41:46But still, there isn't that sort of, and I feel kind of devastated because I love getting dressed up and I love the whole thing about it. but she just yeah make make make sun while they what's the phrase make hay make sun while the hay shines yes exactly there we go 100 because i think sometimes it does change so it's lovely that your son wants to do it now he's quite really wants to do his own thing as well so you know there's that too you're trying to sort of yeah figure out which is the best route through things sometimes aren't you it's really good if they have their own choice about stuff to a degree and then at some point you're like oh my goodness this has gone a bit crazy yeah i'm not sure everybody anyone's going

42:23Charity Wakefield: to recognize what this is supposed to be we'll be right back after this short break

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43:41it welcome back to this episode of made by mamas now where were we what about your relationship

43:46Charity Wakefield: since becoming parents how has that changed oh no not not at all it's really easy i found that we found it so easy parenthood like everything's just the same yeah we've got loads of time for each other and we're always going on dates all the time sounds great yeah it sounds brilliant what's your secret yeah it's great we never argue about anything it's really easy yeah wow it's not it's uh yeah it's tricky it's definitely tricky uh you find out stuff about each other I think that you never knew before like just certain opinions about things that you because I think yeah we definitely have um we're very I think have been very respectful of each other in terms of you know we both do the job of acting and that takes us to different places and I was we've been very lucky especially with traveling and things I remember at one point I was doing a film in Cuba and my husband was doing a play in Japan and we were in the old days Skyping each other.

44:38Oh yeah. And then he came to Cuba and it was all very romantic and lovely. And, you know, we, we've done some really amazing things, I think, to like enjoy our relationship while things are kind of, you know, not easy. And I think, yeah, having a child, no one really prepares you for that. I mean, I think maybe one person said to me when I was about to have my baby, you know, he said something like, you know, you might want to think about factoring in some time for just you guys and I just thought yeah okay you know we spent a lot of time together it's fine but gosh that's a real thing isn't it and I think you feel guilty as well about taking time away from family time um to just have time on your own but I think that's probably the key isn't it like it's if I was better at scheduling it would probably be better the Scandinavians schedule in sex scheduling it they schedule it so they'll they put it on the on the group diary they'll be like right Wednesday afternoon hopefully in code yeah you're supposed to say

45:31Charity Wakefield: on the diary on the side in the kitchen they shed that because they because they have to and they think that the sort of sexiness isn't taken out of it they think it's still you know you know it's coming it's probably good that's a good I think it's I think it's quite a good plan I have a horrible memory of oh my goodness this is I'm sorry mum but I'm gonna say it I remember when I was growing up being like where's mum and dad and then just kind of going upstairs and like the Bedroom door being locked and then knocking on the door being like, what are you doing? Then I really remember my mum going, playing chess.

46:04There we go. Playing chess in the diary. I just didn't get it at the time. It was only, it was like, I think it obviously a bit later on, I just had this memory of like, I remember that day that they just like, you guys were playing chess and like really in your room and you know. Oh my God, that's amazing. Playing chess. Not, I don't, I'm not sure about that term. I'm not sure if there should be a term. I'm not sure about rotors and stuff either. I don't know. But if you don't do it, if you don't schedule it in, like you schedule everything else in. I know, it's a good point. This whole kind of free life that we used to live.

46:33We're not living that life anymore. We've got children. I think it's better to be like, to say like, why don't we go to a lovely place to stay somewhere? You know, maybe we should make that. But then you've got to look after your children. Exactly. And if you don't have a family or a network around you, it's quite difficult to do that. So maybe it's just playing chess from going. Maybe it's playing chess.

46:50Charity Wakefield: Do you know what my grandparents used to do to my mum and auntie? they used to send them to Sunday school right even though they're not religious so my grandparents never used to go to church but my auntie and my mum used to go to church for three hours every Sunday and my mum now looks back and she's like we used to get back and they'd be in such a great mood oh my god sexy Sundays oh my god that's what we talk about um yeah and on sort of like weekend stuff genuine question here yeah so how have you found the whole like planning of the weekend stuff and like what are the good things do you do do you do all of that because i see so there are some incredible people that i know that like are shipping their kids around to like umteen amazing things at the weekend the good thing is about the weekends now in our life is that we've kind of got a bit more balance back so the kids can get up by themselves they can make themselves breakfast so we and they go for sleepovers so essentially if we're if we're thinking ahead both of them could be out three or three of them could be out having sleepovers and we might have a very be on your own but we don't fill our weekends with all the stuff we're very much like what should we do today it's hard to see i'm the opposite because i feel guilty if i'm not if i haven't arranged enough stuff but then i also feel guilty if i'm doing too much stuff i think I have a lot of what I'm a worrier you know I'm sort of like mom guilt mom guilt yeah I fill the kids diaries with too much and then they are literally like we need to rest and I feel the same but we like our weekends now I mean I've this is absolutely like a life hack if you've got two children or one child or whatever and you're trying to pick a hobby pick a drop-off hobby Pick a drop off hobby.

48:37Charity Wakefield: Pick a drop off hobby. Because football, right, all of the sports, my husband actually takes my son, we're very stereotypical in that way. He has to be there. He's got to shout. He's got to be encouraged. He's got to do that. Me, I drop my daughter off to dancing at 9 o 'clock and pick her up at 12.30. See ya. Hi, Saturday morning. I have those hours to myself and it is the best part of my weekend. Yeah. It is. I'm not going to lie. I love you, George. I love it. A friend of mine said that on their birthday, they put themselves in to see a double bill in the cinema on their own. This is a mum.

49:13Yeah. Was it for a nap? I don't know. Actually, I didn't question. I was like, that's your time. I'm not going to. But yeah, she was just like, I just went on my own. And it was amazing. Yeah, yeah. And you do what you can and what you need to do at that point, isn't it? Yeah. It's like, I love going to the cinema, but I haven't been to the cinema for like 10 years except to see Smurfs, which is a load of shit, by the way. Don't go. I just want to go to the cinema. That's what you chose to see. I didn't choose to see it. I was forced to go. Or like the other, you know, the other terrible ones.

49:41Bring back cinema. I really do feel that cinema is so important. I think I feel especially so, having seen Magic Faraway Tree yesterday. And of course, my film, Preschool. Yeah, everyone goes to Preschool. Just going and seeing things. I don't know if you can see, will be able to see Preschool actually in the cinema. But I think going to the cinema, if you can. The more times we go to the cinema, the more films will come on to the cinema. That's for sure. But I think if we don't go, I'm going to pay. Listen, why don't we go to cinema together one time? Oh, my God. Yeah. Can I find a film that you love and we'll go together?

50:16I don't want it to be animated. Okay. Can I have a grown up film? Yeah, I like a grown up film, but not scary. No, I agree. I can't do scary films either.

50:25Charity Wakefield: I can't do scary films. Have you always been like that? She doesn't really like watching telly, though, Charity. no only because there's too much scary stuff yeah that's what I'm happy to watch something that's not the reason I text you and sometimes I go are you sitting down and she goes no I'm rearranging the kitchen it's fucking 9 o 'clock at night yeah no I do do that but I do like watching stuff as long as I know that it's not scary but my son is exactly the same and I'm really trying not to pass it on to him guys I'll have to interrupt because we've got to wrap up Charity we love to ask our guests the best piece of parenting advice that they've received something they'd like to pass on to another parent this is a good bit of advice I think I'm trying to remember who told me it and I'm afraid I can't.

51:02So I'm sorry if anyone's listening that did tell me this. So, you know, when your child asks you to do something really mad, like make a thing and you're like, how can that happen? Like my son at one point said to me, he really liked my hair bands. I was like, okay, really like these hair bands. He was three. And he said, I want to make some hair bands. And I was like, well, can't really make hair. We can't really make hair bands. Like we have hair bands, we could play with them and then because I've been given this bit of advice which is essentially try to do the thing that they ask you to do not all the time but try to make space to do the mad thing that they're asking you to do I was like okay let's make hair bands he was like how can we do it and I'm like I'm thinking I'm trying to follow this advice and I got we got these found these bit of old string and then they wouldn't connect together he's like I don't want it to be a knot so like we put some sellotape around it and then he um proceeded to spend about an hour I think sort of just coloring in these pieces of string and like we have these little silly hair bands it was the loveliest thing yeah it was just an a whole hour of coloring in pieces of string in like a rainbow and we have them in a little pot and so I think it doesn't have to be hair bands guys yeah but let's do the weird thing that the kid asks for yeah and then you know you can always back that up with like and now let's do the thing that now let's do the putting the clothes away and then yeah let's learn how to fold clothes or whatever it is it's true because

52:26Charity Wakefield: you do just fob them off so often because you just also you don't have the brain space because you're so tired and you're like that is impossible but it's it is actually often possible to try to do the weird thing that they're thinking or try you know and it doesn't matter how it turns out so that's probably my my bit and you're big into your walks and nature and forests and stuff and you're you're an ambassador for the woodland woodland trust so could people can people be part of that people can definitely be part of the woodland trust yeah so they um are brilliant and they there's lots of amazing woodland sites all around the country that are freely accessible and also they have really beautiful pathways so it's not just like going to the woodlands and it all being totally wild and unmanageable there's great parking there guys if you're driving coffee they've got coffee in places they've got you know loos and all that kind of stuff and there's loads of online resources that they have as well about planting trees but you can also they give you lots of ways to like recognize the different types of trees that are around and um and yeah i would say just getting out into nature and yeah getting to those woodland trust sites and where can we see preschool you can see preschool on paramount movies yeah and it comes out on i think it's the 7th of april okay yeah amazing thank you thank you so much thank you so much thanks for having me Thank you.

53:42See, I told you forests are a really good idea.

53:47Charity Wakefield: But she did say forests with toilets and coffee shops were also an equally good idea. Oh my gosh, I love her. Yeah, I love her. And I just love, you know, just such a mixed chat as well. You know, like we talked about all the realities of being a parent, starting school, like, and just real, real chat. Yeah, real chat. I love how she, one thing that really made me giggle is when she said, you know, you know, that sort of competitive parenting. And actually in her space, it's like World Book Day outfit. Things like that, you know, super creative. She's going to really come into her own in that space, isn't she?

54:22Charity Wakefield: I think she needs to own it. Yeah, yeah, she's got to own it. Because, you know, like you said, it doesn't last forever. Yeah. She's got two years, probably. Make those a good two years. She's got that time to shine and then it's done. Then she needs to find something out. but also her new film preschool oh my gosh yeah it's that i mean the bits that we've seen look absolutely wonderful so i think that's going to strike a chord yeah i can't wait to watch that actually do you think that will be our reality as our kids go into secondary school listen i'm already in that like imagine it like honestly like i cannot tell you the chats that go on like i really can't tell you the chats that are going on right now we'll have to when we have a proper catch up I'll like delve into the stuff that's going on we'll do a solo one and we can talk about it but it does suck you in I think I think you can sometimes I have to come away from it and be like what are you doing chill out you're not going for a gold meddling competitiveness no no I can see how you get sucked in alright well that's the tease for those of you listening we will revisit competitive Georgia on our next solo Tuesday thank you so much to charity obviously her new film is out it's on Paramount Movies and you can watch it from the 6th of April that is when it's out so enjoy that as always we'd love you to rate, review, subscribe and please give our podcast a follow yeah and if you've got any feedback on this episode or guests you'd like to hear from drop us a DM on Instagram we're on at Made by Mummies and we'll be back on Friday