Charlie Hedges & Holly Hagan-Blyth on Parenting Surprises!

0:02Holly Hagan-Blyth: Zoe and Georgia will be here in just a moment with Made by Mamas. After this episode, search for Get a Grip, the podcast that chats about the messy realities of womanhood. In the latest episode, Angela Scanlon and Vicky Patterson are diving into the details of the Trad Wife School that's designed to train ladies to be capable wives and mothers.

0:21Charlie Hedges: And of course, they have a lot to say about that.

0:25Holly Hagan-Blyth: Catch up on wild headlines and celeb gossip with Get a Grip.

0:28Charlie Hedges: Line it up to play straight after this.

0:58Charlie Hedges: nationwide. Visit idtech.com and use code IDTECH to save$150 on a week that's guaranteed to be

1:06Holly Hagan-Blyth: the highlight of your kid's summer. So you're running out of closet space. The good news? You don't need to stop shopping. You just need to start selling with The RealReal. The RealReal is the world's largest and most trusted resource for authenticated luxury resale. Whether it's that mini bag that can't even fit your phone or those boots you never fully broke in, The RealReal handles everything from photography and copywriting to shipping and pricing so you can just sit back get paid and make room for things that actually feel like you and with 10 000 plus new arrivals every single day from top designers like Prada, Celine, Louis Vuitton and Loewe all for up to 90 % off retail you're bound to find something perfectly on brand to fill that extra closet space with plus right now you can get an extra 100 to shop when you sell for the first time Make room for what feels like you.

1:57Holly Hagan-Blyth: Go to therealreal.com to start selling and get your extra$100 to keep shopping at therealreal.com. That's therealreal.com. Terms apply.

2:09Holly Hagan-Blyth: Hello and welcome to Made by Mamas, the podcast. I'm Zoe Hardman. And I'm Georgia Dayton. And this is your parenting safe space where no conversation is off limits. With five kids between G and I, we have seen a lot. We really have. Each week, we'll be joined by some famous faces and experts, and we'll chat about the brands and products that have saved us along the way. In short, we're the parenting podcast for you. Before we get started, hit subscribe or follow so you're the first to know when each episode lands. And they're on Tuesdays and Fridays. And it really helps if you leave a rating and a review.

2:42Holly Hagan-Blyth: You can also find us on Instagram. We're on at Made by Mummers. But for now, George, should we get into it? It's Tuesday and I've got the shit. I was thinking I'm not going to mention it unless she does but you know straight in there just lay it all out oh mate how are you do you know what I just um I don't really know apart from the fact for the last 24 hours I just cannot get off the loo it's not the funnest thing I don't know if it's something I've eaten I don't know if it's a bug but I'm hoping it's 24 hours because you know when you're it luckily I'm not throwing up but I just I feel really uncomfortable and just drained I guess.

3:18Holly Hagan-Blyth: Really drained I mean we just recorded a podcast and I haven't come in today so I'm recording this from my bed so I can stay close to the loo. And I was just about to say and if you hear any banging but then when you just said I'm recording that from my bed I realised how bad that sounds. Have you heard any noises that don't sound like it'll either be me going to the loo or be the builders next door. Anyway mate how are you? I'm okay I'm fine it's Monday I've just been to a meeting about PGL which is making me feel sick but you know I don't know I just feel like I think I knew Max will be going on PGL next year but because he's going with people he doesn't know in a school he doesn't know for five days I'm like oh right okay when is he going George?

4:03Holly Hagan-Blyth: in a couple of weeks so it's not yeah it's fine it's not long it just cracks me up like when they talk about the food that he'll be eating and he can't bring his silk pillow case with him let's see how we cope what about his bonnet can he bring his bonnet for his hair oh i didn't think of that i think i'll tell him to leave that at home probably best not to draw attention to it i know you're nervous but you know what your boy axel has always been one of those people that's just got on with it he will be absolutely fine oh no i know seeing luna come back from her residential which was four days yeah i was like oh god you know i was the she was a bit teary at drop off but I felt really nervous when she was away she had a blast and and he'll just he'll just do it he really will oh no no no I do I do know that it's just one of them like I don't know just when you're thrown straight in I think when you know it's happening it's different but when it's you know it's happening in two weeks okay it just feels like oh gosh wow okay hadn't got my head around this but yeah it's all good it's I hear you you can talk to us about it I'm sure there's lots of people listening that are feeling really anxious because there's loads of kids going off on residentials, off on PGLs and things like that.

5:14Holly Hagan-Blyth: So yes, we're sending you a big virtual hug. It was the time. And I feel like we've gone from, I don't know if you remember this, but when the kids were really young and you had the parents who were putting air tags in their kids' pockets and stuff when they went off on school trips. And now all of a sudden we're like away overnight for multiple nights. Yeah, five days. That's a long time. Yeah, it is. It is a long time. If you could only just get rid of Gigi for a couple of days. Me and you could have go on holiday if I could stop doing. I was thinking this. I was like, is there, why do they not align?

5:45Holly Hagan-Blyth: Why don't they line them up? That would be really good, wouldn't it? Oh, next time. We've got to get into today's conversation because we cannot wait for you guys to hear it. Yeah. We had two guests on who host a podcast together and I have known, so obviously known of both of them, but one of them is in radio like me, but she works at radio. one so our paths haven't really crossed in the past but I absolutely love listening to her on Saturday afternoons I was so thrilled when she became a mum she's really down to earth really real really normal and then obviously the other guest exploded onto our screens when she was only 18 in Geordie Shore yeah and you know what I found like it was so interesting to like how her life her adult life has been sort of shown on social media and on tv and how she shows that it's okay like to change you know like she's not the same person as she was when she was 18 and she's not trying to be or pretend that she is and I think it's quite refreshing to see someone do you know say that and be like you know what like yeah I did behave like a nut but so did everyone oh my god you know when she was telling us some stories and she was talking about that time in her life yeah When I was 17, I stripped off naked in a club and surfed on a surfboard simulator to win a surfboard.

7:10Holly Hagan-Blyth: And I had to stay on the surfboard for the longest amount of time. And I got an extra like 50 points if I took my bra off and I did it. And I have never told anybody that. Oh my God. And imagine if that had been on TV. Imagine if it had been filmed or there was a photograph and there was me walking down Southampton High Street with a surfboard. oh my god it wasn't even like abroad i was gonna say no we're not cold i'd be worried i put my clothes on when i got the surfboard and left the nightclub obviously great and where's that surfboard now fucking sold it didn't i oh because then i paid for my plane ticket to go to australia where i learned to surf brilliant the whole story is amazing i'll tell you another time but what i think my point was is like i feel for them all because they grew up on reality TV and they had to have it all you know all their dirty laundry was aired and actually she's come out the other side of it and gone I'm not actually ashamed of that period of my life I did my thing I was young and here I am now she's about to become a mum for the second time we need to get into today's conversation because it was such a beautiful chat and we can't wait for you guys to hear it but just please kind of be aware a bit of a trigger warning we do talk about grief we do talk about one of the guests losing her sister and it is a very it's a very sad and poignant moment but really beautiful share from both the girls so yeah George let's get into it who are we talking to today?

8:29Holly Hagan-Blyth: We are chatting to Charlie Hedges and Holly Hagen-Blythe. So joining us on the podcast today two brilliant women bringing their own unique perspectives on motherhood work and everything else in between. First up she's the voice that gets so many of us through our mornings with Ricky and Melvin by her side on Radio 1. She is a presenter, a podcaster, a DJ, a mum and an all-round bundle of energy. It's the lovely heart Charlie Hedges sitting right besides her podcast partner from Parenting Helpline, it's fitness expert, entrepreneur and mum, Holly Hagen-Blind.

8:59Charlie Hedges: Please welcome these brilliant ladies to the book. Oh, my God. Can I take you to all my gigs? I'd love an intro like that. Oh, my God. I know. I'll do it for free for you, Charly.

9:09Holly Hagan-Blyth: I would pay.

9:11Charlie Hedges: How are you both? Good. We're good. Yeah, I mean, I could be better. Well, congratulations. Thank you. How many weeks are you? 33.

9:20Holly Hagan-Blyth: 33. three and just paint the picture for the listeners what's the setup at home how old's your other one

9:27Charlie Hedges: how he has not been I've just been telling Charlie actually for the past three weeks he's decided to not sleep anymore so we're now going through the stage where he's climbing out of his cart and he just comes into our bed like mummy daddy and I'm like no it's 5am darling let's go back to bed and he's just going through that stage so we're getting him a floor bed now and need to still try and baby proof the room because i want to still contain him why don't you put a like a

9:55Holly Hagan-Blyth: gate like a door yeah but they can climb over it you've got to make it high enough he's a bit of a houdini he'll probably climb right yeah jacob said to my husband he said can we not just put a lock

10:07Charlie Hedges: on the door i said i don't really think you're allowed to do that it would be good though yeah

10:12Holly Hagan-Blyth: Yeah, they lock them in. Yeah, like it's for safety. It is for safety.

10:16Charlie Hedges: I don't want him wandering around the house, do you know what I mean? But I don't think we can do that as maybe fire safety.

10:21Holly Hagan-Blyth: When my little boy was probably a similar age, we used to live in a townhouse, which again, scary. But we couldn't put gates on every set of stairs because there were like four stairs, another gate, four stairs, another gate. We couldn't do that. And I sometimes used to come down in the morning, he'd be sat under the table eating a banana. Oh my God. Eating a banana though. I mean, at least he went for a healthy option. Well, that's because you couldn't open the covers. That's the only thing on offer. I'd have gone straight for the chocolate.

10:45Charlie Hedges: My little girl definitely would have gone for a chocolate bar. Smashed it.

10:49Holly Hagan-Blyth: Yeah, but yeah, I mean, worst things could happen. Yeah. Charlie, how are you? Tell me how your morning's been. How's work? How's life? It's great.

10:57Charlie Hedges: I mean, I've literally just been on air and raced here. Yeah, the show's going really well. I do a dance show on a Saturday as well. Gigs are very busy at the minute, so playing all over the shop. You're always on a train. I am always on a train, literally, a delay train. My little girl's like a little darling. She's just a good kid. I hate to say it, and I know that's annoying for people, but she's a good girl. She's like my little bestie. But you've got lucky, it's great. I know. How old is she, Charlie? She's three and a half, so she's four in August.

11:27Holly Hagan-Blyth: Yeah, she's just a bundle of joy. How do you find the juggling between, you know, everyone talks about the juggle all the time, and I feel like we've heard it, but you do have to spin a lot of plates.

11:36Charlie Hedges: I do. How do you find that? I've been very open and said that without my mum and dad, genuinely, I would not be able to do what I'm doing. That's it. I don't know how else to say it. I'm organised chaos. I'm very chaotic in person, but I am quite organised behind the scenes. But without my mum and dad helping out, I'm very lucky.

11:57Holly Hagan-Blyth: But I think that's really important to say because I think it's very easy for people to see someone online doing all of this different stuff. But unless you explain how it's going on behind the scenes, I think people can feel like a bit inadequate because they think, oh, well, I can't do that. But like you said, I've got parents living down the road now. I've never had it before. I kind of hate her for that. And it's a life changer. It is a life changer. It's great. And actually, they've got the balance right as well because they're not always round. No, no, no, no, no. But again, like it's the, you know, this morning, oh, oh, gosh, sorry, James is going into the office now.

12:32Holly Hagan-Blyth: can someone come around and get the dog and it's just those things that you don't you know you can't put in place with the best will in the world well you need a village right they

12:42Charlie Hedges: there's that saying you do need a village to help and I always say I know I'm in a very fortunate position um and like obviously we all work hard we all we all just want the best but yeah hello mum and dad and thank you eight minutes away from my house what a legend never leave what a bloody touch.

12:59Holly Hagan-Blyth: We'll be right back after this short break.

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13:37Holly Hagan-Blyth: on a week that's guaranteed to be the highlight of your kid's summer. So you're running out of closet space. The good news? You don't need to stop shopping. You just need to start selling with The RealReal. The RealReal is the world's largest and most trusted resource for authenticated luxury resale. Whether it's that mini bag that can't even fit your phone or those boots you never fully broke in, the RealReal handles everything from photography and copywriting to shipping and pricing. So you can just sit back, get paid, and make room for things that actually feel like you. And with 10 ,000 plus new arrivals every single day from top designers like Prada, Celine, Louis Vuitton, and Loewe, all for up to 90 % off retail, you're bound to find something perfectly on brand to fill that extra closet space with.

14:23Holly Hagan-Blyth: Plus, right now, you can get an extra$100 to shop when you sell for the first time. Make room for what feels like you. Go to therealreal.com to start selling and get your extra$100 to keep shopping at therealreal.com. That's therealreal.com. Terms apply. Welcome to the girls' bathroom. The podcast where no topic is off limits no matter how unhinged it may be. I'm Sophia. I'm Chintzia. and we are your girls talking love i'm not his mother been there girl live i caught my boss slagging me off on whatsapp to a colleague friendship and everything in between this is thrilling watch and listen every wednesday on youtube and wherever you get your podcasts we're waiting for you in the girls bathroom

15:13Holly Hagan-Blyth: welcome back to this episode of made by mamas now where were we you guys are obviously at sort of different stages with your parenting journey you know where would you describe or like how would you describe the place that you're in right now Holly?

15:26Charlie Hedges: Oh god I think for me we were kind of just getting out of that stage where everything feels a bit chaotic we've got a routine now he's in nursery like unfortunately we don't have parents super close Jacob's parents have just moved closer which is great so they're like about 35 minutes away now which is much better than the two and a half hours. My parents are still like two hours, which is very unfortunate because they'd be there every day. I wouldn't even see my child if they were there. Oh my God, that would be so lovely. I know. Not to see your child. Of course, of course. You need to get them to me.

15:59Charlie Hedges: I'd still like to see him periodically. But yeah, we started getting into like a really good routine. Everything's all good. And then now I'm bringing another one in and I'm like, have I just completely fucked up my entire life by adding a new one? Is this going to be okay? like how are we going to deal with this because I can't take any maternity leave I will be working throughout probably from the hospital bed as well and it's like we haven't really considered how we're going to do the routine that we've got now with a child we're just hoping that this one's a little bit more chilled than the last one I think Charlie was right when she said

16:36Holly Hagan-Blyth: you're going to smoke up we always say that going from zero to one is the biggest adjustment you ever do in your life but by the time number two comes along you know about the chaos you've got all the stuff and they just kind of have to fit in yeah I hope so yeah yeah and I think you have like a different attitude as well you know you are slightly more chilled maybe you kind of know bits that work for you that don't and yeah it is different yeah it's easier second time it is easier How do you feel emotionally about having a second child?

17:09Charlie Hedges: I think I am going through the motions at the moment where it's very much like I'm confused about how I'm going to spread the love. I'm scared in case I have a favourite.

17:22Holly Hagan-Blyth: That is a thing, by the way. Yeah.

17:24Charlie Hedges: And that changes.

17:25Holly Hagan-Blyth: Yeah. Can't ever say it out loud. No. But we know. But at least I can say it out loud. No, no, we haven't seen a British child. is it in like the back of a diary somewhere like in a safe and then we'll never get unlocked

17:39Charlie Hedges: oh my god actually my mom and dad are watching this i want to know if i'm the favorite

17:43Holly Hagan-Blyth: well if they moved eight minutes down the road i think you are well no they're eight and a half

17:48Charlie Hedges: minutes between me and my brother oh so mom and dad give me the goods eight and a half give me the goods yeah that's brilliant honestly i just think i'm in that stage where i don't know what's gonna happen next and my friend came around with her little girl yesterday and she's like 11 months and it's the first time I've seen my son with a little baby and he was so good like he kept his distance he wasn't like in her face he was like fully bodily aware of around her like knowing that he can't get too close in case he might knock her over because he is boisterous like he's such a boisterous boy and then she like reached out to she said she was like oh she tickled me mommy she tickled me and I'm like oh this is gonna break my heart when it's his sister and he's just like is baby sister coming out today?

18:32Charlie Hedges: I'm like I wish she was coming out today. Please pray for me. Yeah exactly. So I'm just going through those motions but I've heard that everything's absolutely fine usually. Have you thought about the moment that you're going to introduce him? Yes. Tell us. So I want it to just I'm not going to do it at the hospital because I feel like he might get overwhelmed by everything. It's not his usual circumstance so I'm just going to have him at home. Baby girl will come in and well we'll be there first because I want her in the bassinet. I don't want to be holding it I want him to be like all the attention first because he's my first baby so I'll probably sob when I see him for the first time after giving birth and then introduce it but I'm hoping this should all be filmed as well so it'd be nice for people to be able to see those

19:14Holly Hagan-Blyth: more oh my gosh I love that you're doing that as well because I think at that point definitely there's a feeling of like oh god you know I feel like this I've been through this depending but I think it's a really magical moment for you to have but also with people that have come on this journey with you so many four million followers I mean you're right there aren't you I mean I've just

19:33Charlie Hedges: been discussing this and it's like there's just people who want to be nosy about my life but I mean it's great but it's also like I want to share that journey I've shared my life for 15 years and as much as it's great for me to be able to see the journey like the journey that I've been on where I thought back in the day no one was ever going to marry me and no one was ever going to love me I was never going to have kids and then to now actually be able to say you don't you don't ever have to feel like that because look at me everyone said that about me and I've got the family I always dreamed of so it's nice for me to share those moments because of that yeah

20:06Holly Hagan-Blyth: because you didn't actually have that you didn't have an easy ride back in um Geordie Shore did you really I don't really know about this can you tell well I mean there was for some good reasons

20:18Charlie Hedges: at the at the time as well I mean I went into Geordie Shore as an 18 year old god wild crazy big double F boobs that I would just get out at any moment. Not the same person that I am right now. She only gets the double Ds out. Kidding, she doesn't. I've never seen them. And it's just very much like, I just don't even relate to that person who I was back then, which we probably all don't relate to. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, I didn't have much of an easy ride because I didn't know who I was then. And it's very difficult to relate to someone who doesn't know who they are and who's trying to just like pick bits of people's personalities to kind of formulate my own because I just didn't know um and I think just seeing that journey throughout tv and actually having to find myself in public was quite difficult some people related to me I've had a lot of people say that when they watch it back as an adult they fully get it now but when they watched it as like younger kids they they didn't like me because they didn't understand but I do get a lot more um what's the word a lot more grace given now because people

21:26Holly Hagan-Blyth: have been through a lot of the same situation but you had to live out that period in your life where we are like forming ourselves as humans yeah do you know what I mean like the you I would never want there to be any proof of the shit that I got I know and you're having to do it on such a public

21:40Charlie Hedges: you know what known because we don't we don't we haven't really known each other that long and the one thing I'll say about you is is that you are very honest about everything and I think that's probably what people respect because you don't shy away from anything that has happened i can't it's filmed yeah but you know what though people would probably still try and make excuses yeah but you don't just you just face it head on which is great and also you're so right like

22:05Holly Hagan-Blyth: an 18 year old is not the same as you know the 30 40 year old and you're not the same person and yet you've just had it played out in front of people whereas we probably all have very similar like oh jesus christ if people got hold of the shit

22:23Holly Hagan-Blyth: charlie you've had like you've had such a massive career you've been on our airwaves for such a long time the feeling of identity that you lose when you become a mother how did that play out for you

22:36Charlie Hedges: do you know what honestly god that is a deep question i've never thought about that i i've Don't think I had time to think about what that looked like because when I had my little girl, I basically just went straight back to work. I was on air within like five and a half weeks. But I know it sounds silly, but I've always used radio to escape whatever that looked like. You know, if you're having a rough day or someone in your family is having a bad day, the minute those mics are on and you're live, I just always find it so not only humbling, but just it's just the best job in the world because you can completely leave all of your crap at the door.

23:18Charlie Hedges: So I think whatever I was feeling, I just couldn't feel that way when I was on air. it's not fair it's my job and also I feel like I just wanted to go and be the person that I was before I had my little girl so I don't ever think I had time to to adjust really it was just straight back into it but I mean in terms of like physical stuff going on and everything else yeah like it it took a lot out of me I mean I couldn't even walk to my door after I'd had my little girl I had a c-section and obviously you can't really do much after that so yeah but I never had time to process that I've never been asked that question it's mad really but thinking about it yeah just

23:56Holly Hagan-Blyth: straight back into it I just yeah I was gonna say because I think Holly you made the point there that you will be straight back into work and I think lots of people don't realize and I definitely didn't realize because when I met Zoe I was in a you know nine to five job Monday to Friday I got yeah I got a year's maternity leave and when you said to me oh I'm going back to work and you're you know it was only after a couple of months I'd be like what what like why would you do that no choice babe you're both saying that now like you know I don't like there is no choice also I

24:32Charlie Hedges: wanted to though and I said this on air the first link I did back on air um when I came back after the a few weeks I had off I said I I want to be here yes B this is my career I've worked so hard to get to a place where I'm really happy and I feel proud of myself. And why can't I have both? Like, I've got a beautiful little baby, but I'm bloody having both. And also, I'm not going to feel guilty for it. That's one thing I've said. I'm never going to feel guilty. And I don't think anyone should. Like, whatever your job looks like, you can, please God, you can do both.

25:09Holly Hagan-Blyth: Yeah.

25:09Charlie Hedges: I love that for you. Why should we feel guilty? It's not that.

25:11Holly Hagan-Blyth: Well, it's everybody else's opinions that make you feel guilty. comments that come in where's the baby the first DJ gig three weeks after Kit was going oh my god where's the baby oh shit I don't know I just left it outside actually I just dumped it in a dumpster for a couple of hours I'll pick it back up sitting on top of the speaker exactly with his dad

25:28Charlie Hedges: do you get any of that do you get any of those comments oh I remember when I first went back and filmed a series of Geordie Shaw after I think Alpha Jax was about I'd say maybe 11 months old and I I can't even express how excited I was for this trip like I was having a bad time with this child like I was regretting all I wasn't regretting well I was a little bit I was just like thinking oh my god I've I don't know what I've done here I was having such a hard time with him and I was desperate to just get away for a little bit and to just be me yeah and I went away I had such a good time Pua Jacob's there for three weeks on it well it was two weeks two weeks on his own with an 11 month old who wasn't sleeping and it was just, he held that fork down, which your dad should hold the fork down.

26:16Charlie Hedges: It shouldn't be surprising, yeah. He knows what he's doing. He's the dad. Like he's absolutely fine and more than capable. And I had a great time and it was lovely to see my friends. And it was also great to come back and be able to see them again. However, obviously when the show goes out, how dare you leave your child? Like you are such a bad mother. Like you get all of the comments whenever you go and do something. And I'm like, you, not to like, say in a way of like monetary sense but I've just got paid a very decent amount of money for going on holiday with my friends for two weeks and now I get to go home and I don't have to worry about work for a couple of months I don't have to worry about any of the stuff coming in because I've just gone away and had fun for two weeks if you could do that you'd do it too and I'm very very lucky and I was saying to Jacob the other day because a few of my friends are on maternity leave and I said can you imagine not having to think about work for like a year when people get a year off like how amazing must that be but also the job that I've got and the life that I live is so incredible and you have to take the rough with the smooth because of that no I don't get maternity leave but at the same time I have an incredible job and I'm so lucky to do what I do and also Holly it's your choice exactly it's your choice that you went back to it it's your choice it's

27:31Holly Hagan-Blyth: my yeah it's our choices so why do we get questioned on our choices around parenting and this is my big gripe with it I think everybody else this is the one topic where mainly there's lots of women who make these judgments and cast these aspersions and I just think for goodness sakes can we not all come together and look after one another it's hard enough as it is without somebody else that we don't know wagging their fucking finger telling us that we're not doing

27:54Charlie Hedges: it right you know I'll be honest I've never had anything negative like that but I always say that we're all surely trying to do the same thing we're just trying to do a good job so whatever that looks like whether you're working 12 hours a day or 20 hours a day or you're a stay-at-home parent ultimately you're trying to do right for your child or your children right so it we should be like one team because we're all doing the same things and that's every parent like we're all going through similar things so like we just got to all be on board with each other yeah support because we need to support each other.

28:29Charlie Hedges: Of course we do.

28:30Holly Hagan-Blyth: What would you say, both of you, is the most surprising thing about parenting?

28:37Charlie Hedges: What's surprising?

28:38Holly Hagan-Blyth: Something you didn't expect. Oh, as in anything? Anything.

28:42Charlie Hedges: The disgraceful period, sorry everyone, but the first period you have after having a baby. No one teed me up for that. That weren't where you wanted to go. No, no, no. We like it all on that. It's an absolute nightmare. it like no I didn't know that does it no I was gonna say I think that continues yeah yeah I know

29:02Holly Hagan-Blyth: because I think mine are completely different like before I never even I didn't really think about it to be honest it was just what it was a few days whatever done now I'm like look like I've had everything sucked out of my body look Georgia we've never had this conversation and I look like I look completely different if you ever see me with in all black that is when you know it's my

29:24Charlie Hedges: time than mine because I cannot trust any lighter shade than black yeah it is disastrous do we know

29:32Holly Hagan-Blyth: how long that can take so I'm in early man in port so I don't have my periods any longer and I thought I'd be bereft but actually it's the best thing yeah I know well I've got the coil fitted now as well so it's like I just don't get periods I just don't it's a really nice feeling so I can't really remember what it was like but is that is that going to be forever I don't know but speaking like to friends and stuff everyone is exactly the same and it's not just the amount it's the like well you're gonna feel like like dreadful because you're losing so much do you know what i was on

30:02Charlie Hedges: air the other week genuinely and i knew it was that time because i could not even i couldn't even focus on the words that were in front of me i was like i don't even know what that says that's just yeah it's it's really bad so yeah that's the big shock I was like, what is that? We've never spoken about that. We've actually never spoken about that before.

30:21Holly Hagan-Blyth: And yet it's something I speak to, like, with my friends all the time. You never talk to me about it. Because we're like, what the hell? Why is this happening? Like, why is this happening to me? Like, yeah, I'm the same. I can't concentrate. I mean, I generally feel spiky. Like, my skin feels spiky and I'm irritated. God. It's awful. It's actually awful. Poor you. That's horrible to go through. You'll be dried up soon. Don't worry about it. You can message me from now on. Yeah, I will. Because I was like, oh, what? I didn't get proof. I didn't get that. I've got a lovely time over here.

30:54Charlie Hedges: What about for you, honey? I think I didn't quite understand how much the relationship changes after having children. Oh, yeah. Because me and my husband, I would have argued with anyone that we were the perfect couple. Like, we did not argue. We were perfection. We spent every minute of every day together. We did lockdown together. Like, we can get through anything. and then this little baby came along and we were like oh my fucking god like we I think because we went through such a stark contrast of being so good yeah I think at least if you argue like regularly it might not seem like such a big jump but because we didn't now I'm bickering every single fucking day about every single thing and I'm like oh my god like I'm seeing parts of him that I didn't know and I'd been with him, you know, six years before we even got pregnant.

31:45Charlie Hedges: I'm seeing parts of him come out that I didn't know were even there. He's seeing parts of me come out. His patients got smaller, mine grew. And I was like, you're the patient one, not me. Where's your patients gone? Because you're snapping at the newborn and I'm angry at you. And it was just so bad. That first year was really hard. I don't even think we looked each other in the eye for the first year. It was just... All the sex was like that. just get him he should be so lucky who were him in that first year pamela handerson was the only thing he would have been going it was absolutely like i was dry as the sahara desert down there there was nothing nothing no and we had to have a conversation to be like this we cannot continue like this because this is clearly how relationships don't last and yeah i can see now how having a child can truly rip you apart and we communicated we had the conversations and we started making more time for each other wednesdays were our time for each other wednesday night well wednesday mornings actually oh my god you've just ruined a wednesday for me now every morning every wednesday morning i'm gonna wake up and be like holly oh yeah not at the moment yeah yeah but we'll be back to our wednesday usual schedule that's very scandinavian because you know the scandinavians

33:02Holly Hagan-Blyth: scheduling sex on a Sunday this is what we've been told they will send a message a diary entry saying you know Thursday 5 10 to 5 20 uh or maybe not even that long that's the time for us to do it and they do it that way do they sometimes you have to though because we I mean we run a business

33:22Charlie Hedges: together as well and so we work together all day so it's very hard to differentiate between the us as parents us as business owners because we'll talk about business all day and night and then it's like okay when do we switch from business partners to business getting down and down in the sexy times and it's really hard to like switch between those roles so I think just having those times and just that communication and we've got so much better thankfully because we decided to have another child but yeah it was about a year of just having like a really really hard time where I was like I don't know if I even like you anymore yeah and

33:55Holly Hagan-Blyth: that's really scary it is but I don't think people speak about that in even in friendship groups because if you catch up with a friend after they've just had a baby your first question is not how's your relationship now it's not you talk about the baby you might talk about like yourself that's not like the the normal topic of conversation and I think people then don't feel like they can say oh but you know the baby's fine I'm fine but we're not yeah and I think as well you can just you almost need the perspective to just kind of remind yourself that this is for a short period you're really good at saying this actually and we will get through this because i mean i've known my husband for i actually don't know how they've been together since he's 17 yeah oh my god 20 20 20 years yeah but we're completely different people and we've been different people at different points as well and so we yeah like when it came to having the kids it was all that we were in our own like we know we'd just been together and like just selfish together you know like had our own life set so then when we had children and it had to change it was really difficult both children i've nearly been at the point of divorce not each other with

35:05Charlie Hedges: our husbands yeah i think it's important to have friends around you that where you can feel like you can be open about your relationships but also not get any response back sometimes because i think you need to know the cues of your your best mates are they talking at you and you know absolutely ripping into their other half because they want you to respond or do they just want to offload and then you to shut up and I found that really interesting over the last few years with like friends of mine personally because I think seeing those cues amongst friends is really important because sometimes you just want a soundboard do you know what I mean yeah other times you want that advice so I think it's knowing when to give the advice because also you know there'll be a lot of people that will be having arguments and you'll just rip into your mate's partner because they're they're your friend but then they stay together for another 30 years it can make things awkward right so it's i think it's knowing when to intervene we just need to listen i think exactly

35:58Holly Hagan-Blyth: and be there and follow their lead yeah i had so many messages when i started being when i was

36:04Charlie Hedges: honest about it and people like oh my god thank you so much i felt like it was just us and it was just me and i didn't really know that other people were going through this so just like thank you for your honesty and i'm like that's why i think it's important to be honest and to share that it's not all sunshine and rainbows no matter how many Instagram posts you see of happy couples and everyone's smiling like that's a second of the day the rest of the time they're probably bickering

36:25Holly Hagan-Blyth: we'll be right back after this short break

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37:45Holly Hagan-Blyth: You're bound to find something perfectly on brand to fill that extra closet space with. Plus, right now, you can get an extra$100 to shop when you sell for the first time. Make room for what feels like you. Go to therealreal.com to start selling and get your extra$100 to keep shopping at therealreal.com. That's therealreal.com. Terms apply. Welcome to the girls bathroom. The podcast where no topic is off limits no matter how unhinged it may be. I'm Sophia. I'm Chintzia. And we are your girls. Talking love. I'm not his mother. Been there girl. Live. I caught my boss slagging me off on WhatsApp to a colleague.

38:27Holly Hagan-Blyth: Friendship and everything in between. This is thrilling. Watch and listen every Wednesday on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.

38:35Charlie Hedges: We're waiting for you in the girls' bathroom.

38:41Holly Hagan-Blyth: Welcome back to this episode of Made by Mamas. Now, where were we? It's also, I think, really good to understand that, like Georgia said, the phases that come with parenting, but not just being a mother, it's also being a partner in that stage of your life that, you know, we expect it with the kids, the relationship goes up and down, things come in and Now, same with your partner. Things are going bad. It's how we deal with it when they go to shit. Let's try and fix it. Because otherwise, why are we staying with them? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, that's true. You've got to try. But it is hard.

39:11Holly Hagan-Blyth: And I don't know if you guys agree with this. Was there parts of your old relationship that you were grieving now that you'd become a mother?

39:20Charlie Hedges: We had someone on. It wasn't this series of the podcast, but I think it was the one before. and she was saying that you can't you shouldn't grieve what came before having children because that is now not a part of your life anymore you should think about what your future looks like because you can't you know your life's completely changed when you have children everything changes your relationship change like you've got a little human so try to think about it as being like a new positive stage as opposed to comparing it to like previous stuff don't compare you can't go back but

39:52Holly Hagan-Blyth: grief is grief right yeah you're the old you doesn't die yeah no I think what she's saying

39:58Charlie Hedges: is don't try not to be hard on yourselves and compare your relationship to what it used to be because this little person's coming and there's potentially changed things so like it's it's about looking forward and not going oh I wished because we all do it don't we oh I wish we still did that and you're still always going to do that yeah you're right I do see that you have to be

40:16Holly Hagan-Blyth: more accepting I think don't you of like definitely different yeah where you are different phases like kind of for like the last two weeks my husband and I've barely seen each other and before I'd be like oh god like we've not really seen each other we're not spending any time together oh god now I'm just like oh that's fine because next week we will and it's all right and we're ships in the

40:36Charlie Hedges: night but we're fine about that now because you know it's just a stage and I mean Jacob the other day was looking at pictures on his and videos on his phone from like 2019 that's the year we got engaged and he was like showed me these videos he went it's no wonder I fell for you and started showed me these videos of me just being like a little sexy minx in my bikini and like just throw my head around and like just being really flirty and I was like oh what happened to her like where's she gone and then a part of me was like but was I doing that a lot in the beginning because that's what I felt like you needed to fancy me right and am I not doing it as much now because I know you love me anyway yeah because I kind of have this thing where I'm like I used to use like sexualness and you know being that kind of way to attract men okay so in the beginning of our relationship it was very much me being like overly sexual but actually now I'm just like well I don't need to put that act on anymore because you love me now and we're married and you're trapped

41:43Holly Hagan-Blyth: but that's a maybe about you feeling like you finally found your place with this person

41:47Charlie Hedges: so you don't have to play that I don't have to play this role anymore that I'm this hypersexual like crazy woman but I would like to get an element of that back and we definitely did because obviously number two is on the way yeah yeah on a Wednesday probably for the Wednesday yeah Wednesday mornings are working but yeah it's hard because he you know men do tend to have a higher sex drive and women you know after children specifically do tend to drop a bit lower and I'm very much in the camp of I'm never gonna feel horny unless I'm in the moment so I have to just say yes even if I don't want it to then get in the moment yeah why don't we do this more often

42:28Holly Hagan-Blyth: it's like um it's like a train ride isn't it on a long train journey but if you're just nipping on the tube one stop you have a lovely time yeah we always say this if we can agree it's just five minutes is fine any longer I'm not I'm not in I'm not up for it when um when the son picked up a story that I said um that Dozla was sitting on the sofa and I was upstairs getting myself ready for bed and I just got this message and it said I've got dick on tap for you babe and that that is that that's the sort and now I'm like okay make the headline it's not romantic it's not involving a lovely dinner somewhere but it's functional and it's fun yeah I love that um And yeah, I think sometimes that's where we are in our lives.

43:14Holly Hagan-Blyth: Yeah, yeah. Efficient. Efficiency. Obviously, Holly, you've had, you know, ups and downs, highs and lows, and you've had a pretty, probably one of the worst things that could ever happen to a human in your life, losing your sister. How was parenting through that grief for you?

43:31Charlie Hedges: I think, honestly, had I have not had my son, it would have been so much harder. Because I do think children are this light, and they give you a purpose. and you have to wake up every day and he still had to go to nursery the next day and the news broke all over you know social media and the press it was everywhere and I still had to walk into that nursery knowing they'd all seen that yeah and go and pick up my son as if it was any other normal day and do the handover and it's like you the world keeps spinning and you have to keep moving on but obviously it is difficult dealing with that whilst it is in the limelight um but honestly having children I think if like I always say if my parents had a younger sibling they wouldn't be as bad as they are right now because they'd have more of a focus and I see that from a lot of people who've messaged me they said oh I had other kids so I had to get up and I had to keep moving if you don't where's your purpose you have to find that purpose again and I think their purpose now is coming through their grandchildren which is great and they've sat and said you know we probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the grandchildren and I don't even take offense to that because I'm like they know I'm okay and they know that I will be okay but it's like what their purpose now is the grandchildren which is lovely that that's able to give them that so how are you yeah I'm I'm actually good like I take a lot of strength from everything that's happened and I think for me it's very much like you don't realize your strength until you actually go through something so traumatic like that and a lot of people will say like how how can you how can you do that how can you go and work how can you do this that and the other and it's like you you don't know until you're in it what you're actually capable of but my role within this is to make sure that my parents are okay because they've lost a child I haven't lost my child I've got my children they've lost a child which is you know the worst thing anyone would ever be able to go through so my role is looking after them my role is making sure my kids are okay and I do grieve still in my own way but it's a very personal and private thing for me that I'll I only break down in front of Jacob that's the only person that I will cry in front of everyone else that can have the strength yeah and even at my sister's funeral I got through that doing a speech like without breaking down but the second I was in Jacob's arms I'll cry so it's like it's just it's just knowing my moments of and who I feel kind of safe and comfortable to do that in front of losing somebody and having to deal with grief I think

46:08Holly Hagan-Blyth: that you sort of touched on it that the blessing is having those amazing little humans around you to kind of give you that purpose I don't know if Charlie you've ever experienced anything you know

46:18Charlie Hedges: well the closest was my nan which was a couple of years ago which I literally can't talk about because I'll just cry. And yeah, I mean, my daughter was, I actually can't talk about it. Isn't that awful? Charlie, I'm sorry. Sorry.

46:32Holly Hagan-Blyth: No. No, it's not your fault. Because she meant so much to you. That's really embarrassing, isn't it? No, no, it's not. You're sitting here talking about your sister. Well, I'll do that. No, but everybody grieves in a different way and everyone shows how they're feeling.

46:44Charlie Hedges: But you are right in what you say about having, oh, thank you. Look at that on cue. To be fair, I've been going around all day and feeling like I've had a bogey. No one can just feel it, but thank you. Yeah, it's funny because my little girl, she was only a couple of months old. In fact, actually, we joked, but I do think it is legit. I think my nan waited around for me to have my little girl because nobody thought I would have children. I was always quite, up until my brother said he was having a baby, which is like his son's a year older than my little girl. I was always like, no, I don't want children.

47:19Charlie Hedges: Something clicked. I remember telling my nan and she was like, you Charlotte and then so I think she held out so yeah like summer being around my little girl being around like you said it gives you a purpose but it's a distraction which kind of goes back to what I do for a living as well like radio has always been a distraction for me so having now another little human around when you're feeling sad or whatever's going on in your day you come home and you just have to get on with it which is a blessing yeah relentlessness is a negative but

47:50Holly Hagan-Blyth: in those moments is actually the thing that keeps you going because there is no choice

47:55Charlie Hedges: and I think it's there's a there's such a difference as well obviously with grandparents because I feel like my nana's not well at the moment and she she we don't know how long she's got left however I feel like I would break down talking about my nana passing because my nana was more like a mother figure to me whereas I've all I don't have to be strong in front of my nana but I have to be strong in front of my sister because she's my younger sister so I know that if she's looking down which she is because I believe in all the medium and the woo-woo yeah but because she's looking down and she's my younger sister I'm still protecting her by not letting her see that whereas if it was my nana I'd probably cry too because I can break down like that but in front of her yeah so it's just a different way of of grieving I think but you just regardless you just have to do you have to grieve in your own way don't you and whatever that looks like is is good yeah it's fine thanks for making me cry you two coming back on here we gotta what the bloody hell's this all about the last series to be fair

48:55Holly Hagan-Blyth: i did yeah tell us about your podcast because congratulations guys in its series how did they put you two together

49:05Charlie Hedges: there's a story god knows but then we're never leaving each other but it was so random we had like one conversation over zoom and then they're like yeah that's it we can we can we haven't even We met for the first time at the photo shoot. Stop it. Yeah, no, we did. We hadn't even recorded an episode. We spoke on Zoom about 10 minutes. I was like, hopefully you like each other. We were like, yeah, that'll be fine. And that was it. So yeah, the podcast is so much fun. See Bebe's parenting helpline. Basically, we get an expert in the room. We don't have to be the expert. We just bring the randomness.

49:38Charlie Hedges: And then we get actual people calling in with real questions about loads of stuff. and hopefully they leave us feeling a little bit better. Well, we always feel like we've learned so much from the experts. That's what we say. Oh, my God. It's like the best thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

49:52Holly Hagan-Blyth: Like, every other Monday, we come in, let it all out, and I go home a much nicer person. Yeah.

49:58Charlie Hedges: It's great. It is great.

49:59Holly Hagan-Blyth: And we've heard a lot.

49:59Charlie Hedges: The series this, is it fair to say this has been probably our most honest? There's a lot of really, I mean, we're always honest. We're always honest.

50:06Holly Hagan-Blyth: There's a lot of great subjects and, yes, episodes this one.

50:10Charlie Hedges: Yeah.

50:10Holly Hagan-Blyth: And it's wonderful that you're doing it on that platform for CVs. It's brilliant. It's such a necessity. We need more conversations. We need to lift the lid loads more. We need brilliant people talking about it. Yeah.

50:21Charlie Hedges: Well, and I think we just need honesty. Yeah, we do. Just need people to say like, yeah, sometimes this is shit and sometimes this is hard and it's not sunshine and rainbows and to just speak really honestly and openly about everything. And I've always been quite an honest person anyway with the job that I chose. But I think it's just nice to be able to do it in this aspect because we do have platforms we can put on our stories like oh does anybody know what this rush is or you know if you can't get to a doctor and you have that community there and sometimes online is so helpful but some people don't have that community and they don't have people to ask and that's what we hope to be also I feel like how like we're very different and we're very similar in a lot of ways but also like bringing up our children um with has been quite different I feel like we've parented in similar ways but yeah even that's been nice like I would say something and then Holly's like oh my god that don't work for me so I feel like we're right we're yeah we're

51:15Holly Hagan-Blyth: appealing to a lot of people because we are quite different in a lot of ways which is lovely ladies we need one piece of advice that you would from each of you that you would share with another

51:25Charlie Hedges: parent listening oh you want to go first I can go um I would say take every bit of advice with a pinch of salt because nobody knows your child like you do and every child's temperament is so different so the advice that I got when I was going through such a hard time between like four to 16 months I was like that just doesn't work for me and they're like oh if you just do this and your kid will behave and I'm like he's not behaving he's witching all the time and it's just every child has a different temperament so just take every bit of advice with a pinch of salt and know that you are the expert on your own baby.

51:58Holly Hagan-Blyth: I love that. Charlie?

52:00Charlie Hedges: Mine is, I'm going to go with the, I won't say mum guilt, I'll say parent guilt. Just don't accept it. I just think that should be dumped. It should go straight in the bin. Don't get parent guilt. We are all going to because that's just who we are. But just don't let your brain go there. And if anyone's got a problem with that, then put them in the bin. Not literally.

52:23Holly Hagan-Blyth: Pick them up. Don't take it.

52:24Charlie Hedges: we're all trying really hard to do the best for our children so mum guilt can do one I love that and products

52:31Holly Hagan-Blyth: we don't have time we've got a hard end we've been chatting for 40 minutes 40 glorious minutes there at the door I love that bit oh I want to know no no no no thank you yes it's been great we've covered so much by the way guys this has been wild it's been brilliant 40 minutes of pure joy thank you so much for coming on Holly thank you thank you for having us girlies girlies

52:54Charlie Hedges: girlies

52:55Holly Hagan-Blyth: I mean, I don't know where to start with that chat. There was so much, wasn't there? Like relationships, periods, pregnancy, growing up on TV. I know. I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as we did. I really loved the period chat as well because me and you, obviously, because I don't have them anymore. Yeah. We haven't really discussed it ever, I don't think. No. No, and I don't know why because it's not really something that, I don't know, that I've been embarrassed about. I think it's something I talk about with my friends a lot. I'm your friend. I know, I know. I know, but you don't have one, but I think that's why.

53:27Holly Hagan-Blyth: Do you know what I mean? Like we don't, you don't have one. Normally you like your periods line up with your friends, don't they? Yes. So normally on like our group chat, it's always, oh, it's, you know, this is horrific. And I think as well, I don't know about you, but a lot of my friends are sort of finding out things about their periods now and having to have procedures and endometriosis and all this stuff. And I don't know if it's sort of our age now where you're discovering these things I'm not sure anyway it's really interesting yeah do you know what one of my friends actually sat down with me the day and she said that she woke up and her entire her entire bed was covered she'd literally had such a bad bleed weirdly it's the same week that we recorded with Charlie and Holly so I was like this is funny that it's all coming at once and then obviously now I've got it with Isla so we're having more period chats but yeah it's um it's a minefield and I loved I loved both of their honesties and I really love their relationship as well because they don't know each other that well no but they've got this really brilliant podcast and they can tell the chemistry is amazing yeah exactly and do you know what I think when you're a parent you all have something in common don't you and I mean I just love chatting to those two because it was just like chatting to two mates which was great wasn't it yeah it was brilliant thank you so much to today's guests and thank you guys for listening to the podcast as always we'd love you to rate review subscribe and please give the podcast to follow.

54:47Holly Hagan-Blyth: Yeah and if you've got any feedback on this episode or guests you'd like to hear from drop us a DM on Instagram we're on at made by mommas and we'll be back on Friday.

55:03Holly Hagan-Blyth: Welcome to the girls bathroom the podcast where no topic is off limits no matter how unhinged it may be. I'm Sophia. I'm Chintzia. And we are your girls. Talking love. I'm not his mother. Been there, girl. Live. I caught my boss slagging me off on WhatsApp to a colleague. Friendship and everything in between. This is thrilling. Watch and listen every Wednesday on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. We're waiting for you in the girls' bathroom.