Friday Q&A: Helping Kids Go Back To School Happy with Laura Shepherd

0:00Hello, I'm Monica Reinagle, host of the Nutrition Diva podcast. Summer is here and with it, the hot and sticky weather. A morning working in the garden, or maybe on the golf course, can leave you more depleted than you realize. And plain water isn't always the most efficient way to restore the balance. That's where Liquid IV comes in. Its science-backed formula is clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're exercising, playing outside, or simply surviving a summer heat wave, it's an easy way to stay hydrated. Shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV, hydration that goes wherever life takes you.

0:59interior paint, easily compare prices and read reviews. Thumbtack knows homes. Download the app today. Hello and welcome to Made by Mamas, the podcast. I'm Zoe Hardman. And I'm Georgia Dayton. And this is your parenting safe space where no conversation is off limits. With five kids between G and I, we have seen a lot. We really have. Each week we'll be joined by some famous faces and experts and we'll chat about the brands and products that have saved us along the way. In short, we're the parenting podcast for you. Before we get started, hit subscribe or follow so you're the first to know when each episode lands.

1:35And they're on Tuesdays and Fridays. And it really helps if you leave a rating and a review. You can also find us on Instagram. We're on at Made by Mamas. But for now, George, should we get into it? Hello and welcome to Friday's episode of the podcast. Another really exciting Q &A for you today and something that's obviously very timely because we are, Well, when we're recording this, it's the middle of August. Yeah, past the middle of August now. Most people listening, if you live in England, you'll probably have a couple of weeks left of the school holidays, maybe two or three weeks as we're recording, but maybe slightly less.

2:09Yeah, Scotland has gone back. Yeah, already back. Yeah, already back to school. But we thought what we do today is get you guys to send in your questions around that whole back to school process, whether your kid is starting school for the first time, whether you've got a bit of anxiety around resettling them again. So today's guest, an early years foundation lead and an expert on all things back to school. She's a mum herself, so can bring that insight to the conversation. It is Laura Shepard. Hello.

2:38You guys can't see Laura, but she's looking fabulous in polka dots. I really love that jacket. How are you? I'm very well, thank you. why I'm in the thick of the summer holidays with my own two boys so we're at the point now where they are fed up of spending so much time together um and one is very much looking forward to going back to school so how old are your kids so I have a six-year-old who'll be going into year two and I have a four-year-old who'll be starting in reception oh my gosh okay so you are right in the thick of it how's the little feeling about starting school and how are you feeling about him starting school um he does not want to go and he tells me regularly that he doesn't want to go um he he loves it when he's there but he is one of those children who is very reluctant and finds it all a little bit tricky and that's okay um my eldest loves school can't wait to go back isn't phased by going into a new year group so they are total polar opposites to each other even though we brought them up exactly the same yeah um so yeah it's trying to navigate that and what I'm doing for one I'm having to do differently for the other so yeah tricky and Laura just before we get into the questions though obviously like gave you an introduction to what you do do you want to just give us a little bit of background and also you know how you obviously show up on Instagram and share lots of tips yeah yeah okay so um I have been teaching for 15 years so in September I will welcome my 16th class some of the children that I've taught now have got their own children have been to uni it's a bit crazy um so yeah so I started my Instagram two years ago because I just was inspired by what other people were doing and I was saving ideas and then I thought how about if I share myself and it's kind of just spiraled from there um do like funny funny parts of being a teacher but then also some of the most serious things and I'm very lucky that my school are really supportive um the parents at my school are really supportive as well and they like to see a little bit of behind the scenes as well it's quite eye-opening to see your child's teacher on TikTok is a bit strange um but I'm very sensible and modest and professional so I don't do anything you know bad on there um so I have been teaching all the air groups in this time but right now I'm in reception so I am in the thick of this transitional period um and I I just like sharing online what it's like to be a teacher um but I do get a lot of inspiration from social media as well I find it a mostly positive place to be um so and it's brought me new opportunities like like this which is lovely to get out there and speak to other people um and share ideas and get ideas myself it's a really lovely insight your page just gives like you said it's a it's behind the scenes but it's also it I guess it's those moments where as parents we don't necessarily have the one-to-one time you know all the time that we would like with a teacher because you guys have got your hands full and you absolutely do your best but it's just for me anyway when I see people like you it's really inspiring and it also helps me understand it a bit more you know the process and what you guys go through and how you handle things.

5:54And I'm still waiting for that shot in the, in the, in the teachers, like in the teacher's room, which I'm obsessed with. You know, like I always wanted to go into it when I was a kid. I was like, I wonder what happens in there. The staff room. The staff room. Yeah. There we go. Anyone listening? As I got into trouble loads for that. Listen, we've got loads of questions. So let's just get on with them. I'm going to kick things off. What do teachers genuinely want parents to be doing at home? Reading every night, practicing maths, or is there such a thing as doing too much in terms of homework?

6:22Yeah so I say little and often is absolutely the way to go even things like and I'm thinking particularly reception children things like playing board games with your child is well it's fun for them but it gives a parent a real eye-opener as to whether can they take turns can they share are they happy when somebody else wins how do they deal with disappointment and so things like that things I do are like writing and shopping lists even though it takes double the amount of time if I read it out you know I say what we need to my boys and then they write it down for me my eldest not my youngest he's not there yet um things like counting out the money when we go into a shop things like that are learning they are pivotal things that you can do with your four and five year olds that will actually really help like practical ideas in terms of reading I know it can be a real battle um I would just say little and often and even if you have to be the reader even if you take over that's something that we call paired reading at school so we would do a little bit and then when your child is ready they could take over um things like making mistakes on purpose and see if your child notices and then they can correct you and then they feel like the grown-up then they feel they're in control um just little things like that but please do not make if homework is a battle I don't like homework anyway but if it's a battle then just decide what's best for your child how are you going to get the best out of them during this time because homework can feel like such a chore and it kind of puts children off learning that's why I don't actually advocate for homework at all um reading is far more important but just little and often I love that that's really good to hear that because you don't like homework do you George I hate homework but my son now gets sometimes two hours a night what yeah it's horrific but Axel is going into year six he's going into year six in September and it is awful like it's a lot and we've had like tears and I mean I don't yeah but you get in trouble no I don't agree with it at all and I just think they've done a whole day at school and then you want them to and I I do get the angle that some schools come out from well we've got to prepare them for high school and yeah but not yet not yet let let's still let them be little yeah because that's more important and I also think as well you know like if you're working parents you might get home lots of people like say for instance my husband if he's in the office he'll get home at seven o 'clock then if both of you do that then you've got to sit and do homework with your kids eat and go to bed that there's no that surely it's better to actually spend some time together and actually have a nice time yeah I find that really difficult but yeah I I openly admit that I don't like homework so we we um I love what you said Laura about um games because we will often we we only get homework that the kids only get homework twice a week we do reading every evening with them but that's because I love reading um but we'll often sit down and play games so we'll play how well do you know your family which is an amazing game by the way that you can get on on Amazon we play the where's Wally game which is like a memory game yes where we line them all up and then we you know they have to match the um the symbols and i would prefer to do that for half an hour and then i'll even sometimes write in one of their books going we actually just played board games tonight yeah yeah and the amount of board games that you can get now that have actually got they've got learning behind them lots of those um the orchard games yeah the little shopping list yeah like they are so important that's like childhood in a box right there yeah and also that's reading is it like that's reading and like communicating and all of those things like my daughter is different to my son like she really hates like learning and all of that and then the last year she's really just turned a corner and gets it but it's because we started just stopped doing like forcing her to do the reading books all of that and now we just do things like that writing shopping lists she writes I mean she writes little love notes to people and things not ideal but at least she's writing stuff like that and it's yeah yeah it's just yeah looking at it in a different way I guess um someone here has put we're moving house soon so the kids will change primary schools have you got any tips and advice for upset kids who are leaving their friends yeah I think that can be tricky especially if they were really happy where they were and you are traveling I don't know the distance of this person um when we've had this before we've done lots of like settling in sessions with the children where they come in they meet the class that they're going to be with they get to spend some time with me I spend time with the parents as well to reassure them about how it's going to look nine times out of ten it's going to be exactly the same as their old school just without the familiar faces that they know um so it's more how I would approach it as a teacher is buddying them up with somebody who's like really bubbly and social and can help show them around so I would probably just ask as a parent if that would be possible I'm sure the school have already got that planned and then see if as a parent you can still make connections with the school in some way in some capacity we had a child who moved to Cyprus and she came back a couple of years later and we welcomed her back in and it was like she'd never been away so I think it's still important because that's they are your children's childhood friends they'll never forget those people that you still make those connections where possible play dates or meeting halfway if you've traveled a distance just so they can still feel like that little part of them isn't isn't lost it's not gone forever yeah that makes sense um gosh I've seen this so many times at drop-off in the mornings and I know what you're gonna say breaks my heart when I see I bet you I bet you do yeah Rosie says my child gets very emotional at drop off what's the best way to handle that moment should I stay and comfort her or does that sometimes make it harder yeah so this is my life so my eldest and you will get children like this they will run into school and they won't look back and and it might be that way forever or it might be a temporary thing my eldest will forget to say bye to me he's just so dead set on getting into school he runs in off he goes my youngest cries and it's getting worse it's actually yeah it's awful um so in the holidays we've been doing a bit of holiday club like sending him to a holiday club so that he can still get that break away from me yeah because obviously I'm off the whole time he finds it really hard to be apart from me and they were literally pulling him in to the room he was screaming it was awful um so it doesn't mean that they don't like school it just means that they find saying goodbye really hard and that transition that being away from the separation being away from you um I think keep it positive keep it loving but try and keep it brief so don't get into it don't get into a negotiation with your child I've seen it before like will you come back for me in 10 minutes and the parents going yes I will and I think oh no you're not going to though and then oh so and I understand what we're trying to do we want them to go in happy and we want them to see us happy and sometimes our heart is breaking and we're not we feel awful or sometimes you've had an argument with your child about it you've just had enough now of this whole process um but yeah loving brief try and be positive like i can't wait to hear about your day when you get when i picked you up or when such a buddy picked you up and we'll see you later and just try and keep that consistent rather than 20 minutes back and forth of one more cuddle one more case okay one more god i can't handle it either i as soon as they start crying if it's happened a few times I've started to cry and then I'm like Jesus this is a horrible end to a Hollywood movie where everyone's in tears I just need to get the hell out of there but you just want to come yeah I know I see it and I'm like I got yeah because it's hard because when you when you watch someone else doing it you think just walk away like literally just walk away but when you're in that moment you can't like your heartstrings are being pulled on and you absolutely can't do that it's really yeah I get that it's really really difficult so keep it brief say mommy's gonna be mommy daddy what we don't want to do is like go on off you go like throw them into the classroom and then they actually felt like they've not had that chance to say goodbye um just you know try and keep it relatively short positive you keep smiling even if when you turn the corner actually your eyes are full that's okay um but just try and keep it because then they associate you with school being a positive experience as well and then you're really happy to see them at pick up hear all about the day and then hopefully I mean don't get me wrong there's children still that I've taught who still do that as they are growing older and it just becomes a bit of a habit as well so it's not a case of well actually they should have stopped doing this by now why is my child not why is my child still doing that it's okay if they are We'll be right back after this short break.

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16:37Thumbtack knows homes. Download the app today. This week on Help, I sexted my boss. Some lad on one of those line bikes had gone into the back of my car. I chased him halfway down the street in just my shorts. Why have you not told your bank? You have moved house. Who does that? I'm speechless. You have not done that. He disappeared for a moment, then returned with a suction cup to f***, firmly attached it to a book and climbed on top and rode it like he was trying to qualify for the Olympics. Listen and watch wherever you get your podcasts.

17:14Welcome back to this episode of Made by Mamas. Now, where were we? This is a good point, and I think lots of people will relate to this. when you don't know when it's time to step in when should a parent raise a concern with a teacher and when is it better to just wait and see I'd say straight away straight away um because I just think I would rather know what the concern is I would rather see if I can help if it's something at home that you want me to know about tell me straight away if it's something that you think your child's coming home maybe they're saying I haven't got any friends or I've not played with anybody all day what we have to remember all the time is a tiny thing to us is actually a child's the biggest deal that's happened to them all day maybe they didn't get to sit next to their best friend at lunch and then they're going to come home and tell you that they sat on their own when in fact there was actually lots of other children around them but it wasn't who they wanted to sit next to so I think often when you let a teacher know they can kind of balance out maybe what's happened give a better perspective or a behind the scenes perspective and then we can go from there I prefer to know because I hate the thought of a family struggling or worrying about something and I'm completely oblivious to it I would rather be able to help yeah and what you you know you said if there's something at home like what sort of things should you let a teacher know like because for instance yeah I remember when we were moving house we obviously hadn't told the teacher that we're moving house but we got to parents evening and she was like Wax has been a bit all over the place like it's been quite erratic and anything going on and we were like no no can't think of anything and she said oh he said he's moving house and we were like oh yeah yeah we are we're moving house and she said all right well that yeah let me know things like that because felt like they can start thinking about it at school and it could just be a bit off but we just didn't think that would be something you needed to tell the teacher no I Yeah, I didn't think of it.

19:12Yeah, I think it's because to us, that's just our day to day, isn't it? And as an adult, we can cope with that type of thing. And we're just dealing with it and getting on with it. I think things like that, moving house, if there's a new sibling coming, any, it's a tricky one, but anything going on behind the scenes between parents, if there might be a separation or a trial separation or dad's working away or things like that, it can just make so much sense to us as a teacher. my husband works away quite a bit and it's literally always in line with when my children have been a bit emotional or things like that at school and when they know that it just is a bit of ah that makes sense now let's see how we can help so things like that even if you think oh I don't know if they need to know it just tell us anyway we can kind of make that decision for you whether that's going to be helpful or not okay can I just can I ask um it's not from anyone that sent in but I have I have um quite strong feelings around the amount of activity that kids do at school physical activity and do you notice and I know this isn't you know because I'm sure some schools might do more or some do less but do you notice a shift or change in the kids concentration if they have done some physical activity maybe it's a PE lesson are they able to sit and concentrate for longer and is that something that is spoken about in agendas or meetings that you guys might have yeah so I am the PE lead at my school and I have been the whole time and we are a very passionate school about sport and active learning um it's one of our most important things that we do with the children so we have like the run a mile track and no matter the weather sometimes children just need to get out and they'll first when I first get a class to go but but it's raining and like yeah we'll be all right we'll burn off we'll be okay and we'll just go have a couple of laps on the track come back in and you almost see them go right okay reset yeah it is a reset for the brain and that is for all ages everybody needs that I need that sometimes you just got to get out yeah so obviously in reception it's different because we have an outside area so there is constantly those opportunities to be outside and inside but still they love that the burning of the energy they love it and a bit of competitiveness and a bit of oh let's run together as friends and yeah you cannot you cannot go wrong with active learning in a school you need it I love hearing that I'm such an advocate for it yeah and also that they get some kids can get movement breaks I think in Gigi's year they all get it like they I don't know 10 minutes they can just get up and like move about rather than being sat down for long periods of time because it's actually not that good for you even like if I'm working from home and I look up and I'm like oh my god I haven't stood up for four hours oh god fill up crap yeah and you just have to get out and even just go for a walk like it's it's just like a small thing but it does make a big difference I can't imagine when you're like seven oh my god yeah I remember Kit's last school where they were practicing for the school performance a christmas performance and kit didn't have a really a role he i think he had like one line and the rest of the time he just had to sit there and they were doing hours and hours and hours of practice and they keep going back in rehearsals and then his teacher pulled me aside and she had a bit of a thing about him anyway and she was like he's just he's sort of he's flicking someone's ear in front of him and he's poking someone in the back and i was like what's he what's he doing oh well he has to sit down and what what for two hours he's got and watch yeah i was like no i was like either give him a bigger role yeah or let him go outside and have a burn like i know it's difficult but i think sometimes it's unrealistic to expect that children will just sit there and be like this is really fun yeah just sitting doing nothing yeah yeah he sounds just like my eldest yeah actually he is such a fidget he needs to be moving all the time but i'll tell you what he knows everything you said he can remember everything he's taking it all in yeah but he's not sat like a statue he's got to be moving all the time yeah yeah interesting okay um so six-year-old lacks confidence and really dislikes maths um resists help do you have any tips for me please and that is from stacy yeah it's very common and i think the the biggest tip not saying that stacy is doing this at all but if the parent also has a positive attitude towards maths i think that's becoming more of a thing now whereas in the past maybe when I was at school parents would say oh well I was rubbish at maths as well or I hated maths maths is awful but now I think parents are realizing more of a shift actually if we speak positively about these things it has a better impact on our children so I'd start there and then again I'd go back to how can you make maths practical what can you do to give her that sense that actually she's really good at this because just because she's struggling with it now doesn't mean she's going to struggle with it her whole life I struggled massively with maths and lacked confidence and now I'm teaching it to the younger generation so I've gone right somewhere along the line something's clicked into place and I'm sure it will for this little girl as well I think anything you can do again through the board games through practical activities through just my dad did this with me when I was younger I'd be brushing my teeth and he'd just go what's four times four yeah 16 you know like just little bits all the time and and then that celebration of well done you really that was fantastic look how quick you said that and you know just making her feel more confident that's what she needs from a parent and then I would probably also mention that to school even if it was a parent's evening how's she doing with the maths because she's mentioned she finds it really tricky and as well children are really good at comparing themselves to other people other children well such a body gets everything right and I don't get any of that right so it might be that that is actually the root of what's causing the lack of confidence maybe she's in a class that just so happens where everybody's really good at math yeah so she's finding that actually she's not when actually if you leveled that out with children of her age she's probably really good at math yeah yeah that is a confidence thing though isn't it yeah if you've got confidence around it and you've got that feeling of you you know what I can do this this is not going to scramble my brain I was like you Laura I'm not teaching maths at all I still absolutely hate it can't do it I find it really confusing anytime anyone gives me an up sum I'm just like oh god extreme panic and start sweating profusely but my husband is a genius so it's like it's the confidence thing Georgia and I've both been doing spark tutoring as well with our kids um Luna had a real lack of confidence around it and that's really really helped her yeah I was gonna say Axel's been doing it for a while loves it Gigi really doesn't but she's just been doing reading twice a week for half an hour maths reading no like read it just normal reading and then yeah twice a week for half an hour and then she's just introduced maths yeah and it it's changed it's changed everything because it's that one-to-one time and just giving her the confidence that when she goes into school she's like oh i've done this before oh actually yeah rather than before she'd be like oh no i can't do this you're just like pushing it away so yeah it's yeah definitely good check it out um someone here I've delayed my premature twins born in August, not November.

26:27Hope it's the right decision. I don't understand that. Born in August, not November. Oh, I get that. They were supposed to be born in November, but they were born in August. So she's delayed their school start. Yeah, I understand that. Yeah, so obviously children don't have to be at school until they're five. Yeah. And this is becoming much more of a thing now. I think obviously with having social media, parents are seeing another side, another option to that. And obviously, if you've got twins as well, I can imagine there's a lot to think about there kind of going back to work. Is it worth the cost, et cetera?

27:05So ultimately, the person who knows those two children best is the parents. So if that's the decision that she has made, she has done that with the right intentions, that she knows them best. She knows what is best for them. and I'm sure she's picked a school out ready that is going to be a wonderful setting for them so I would say yeah if you feel that that's what they need obviously there's bits that she could be doing at home that might prepare them for school when they do start and if she could phase that transition in that would probably help them as well um but yeah I think that's the right decision I wouldn't doubt it just know that she's gone with her gut and what felt right at the time and if you're listening to this and you've got a summer baby and you're undecided what would be the things that you should look out for you know whether you whether you should send them in September maybe not this September but or you should delay it are there certain things that you would recommend what they can do before they get there or just to know whether they're ready or not because I think that's the difficulty isn't it if you've got I mean our Axel started school two weeks after he turned four but I never questioned it because at nursery he was very confident he was he could do all the things but then I've got a really good friend who has has delayed it and she's like oh it's because she doesn't do this and she doesn't do that and I'm like oh right okay just what what would the what would the sort of signs be that you need to delay at the school start I wouldn't I wouldn't want to say that there's kind of a checklist of things that children should be able to do I would say if your child might be developmentally behind and you've had that conversation with a professional who has confirmed that for you then I would say that could be a valid reason why you might want to do it but I'm just going to play devil's advocate here so I've had two children who've just left me now two boys who were summer babies really late summer babies August babies and at the start it was ropey it was tricky we were trying to navigate it you know very much they were still preschoolers if you like yeah but the turnaround in those two children has been phenomenal they're the children we've seen the biggest progress in they're the ones who actually didn't want to speak to us didn't know how to engage with us who who sit on the carpet and and do everything just like everybody else and you wouldn't know that they were summer born and in fact it's not something that we really single out in a child when they come um it's something that we say well let's not let's not discuss birthdays let's just get to know them as they are and see maybe if something comes up that might be something that we look at is that cause for something however by the time they're in year two year three that all levels out and nobody asks or they're summer born nobody's even interested in that anymore i think give it a go.

30:04I would be inclined to give it a go at school first. And if you think, no, this is not working, then I would look at maybe a whole school or something like that. We'll be right back after this short break.

30:20Hello, I'm Monica Reinagle, host of the Nutrition Diva podcast. Summer is here and with it, the hot and sticky weather. A morning working in the garden or maybe on the golf course can leave you more depleted than you realize. And plain water isn't always the most efficient way to restore the balance. That's where Liquid IV comes in. Its science-backed formula is clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're exercising, playing outside, or simply surviving a summer heat wave, it's an easy way to stay hydrated. Shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV, hydration that goes wherever life takes you.

30:55Thumbtack presents Uncertainty Strikes. I was surrounded. The aisle and the options were closing in. There were paint rollers, satin and matte finish, angle brushes and natural bristles. There were too many choices. What if I never got my living room painted? What if I couldn't figure out what type of paint to use? What if I just used Thumbtack? I can hire a top-rated pro that knows everything about interior paint, easily compare prices and read reviews. Thumbtack knows homes. Download the app today. This summer, wherever you go, take your favourite podcasts with you. Have you heard this week's The Girls' Bathroom?

31:33Yeah, every episode ends up in our group chat. Secret Mum Club makes me feel like everyone else's house is just as chaotic as ours. That's weirdly reassuring. Well, I've been listening to Big Kick Energy. You don't even like football. Exactly, that's why it's so good. Wherever summer takes you, hit follow on your favourite podcasts and search Audio Always on Amazon Music to discover your next favourite listen.

32:02Welcome back to this episode of Made by Mamas. Now, where were we? Katie says, what skills would you love children to arrive at school with? Nothing to do with sort of reading, writing or maths. So what are those sort of key, you know, whether it's being able to hang their coat up on the peg or... Yeah, OK. yeah there's the basic there's obviously the basic care needs so can they do they know when they need the toilet can they take themselves off to the toilet and to the best of their ability can they take care of that please don't get me wrong I'm not saying they need to have wiped completely and be absolutely immaculate but if they are willing to give it a try that really does help are they able to wash their hands because in reception the fingers are up their noses they're in their ears they're in other people's noses so please have a go at trying to get them to wash their hands a little bit of soap give them a scrub that they can do that things like getting dressed is really important okay and again don't get me wrong there's socks everywhere somebody's wearing the dress back to front we've got jumpers inside out that's also normal they don't have to be immaculate as long as parents also are willing to understand that when they come out of school they're not going to look like they did when they first came in on a feeding day that is not happening um but then it's things like are they able to ask an adult for help do they know how to do that do they know how to communicate that and say oh i need please could you cut this up for me or please can you help me find my coat are they able to confidently do that and if not could you work on that with them a little bit and could you know could the parent pretend to be hurt at home and need some help and the child demonstrate how they would do that then you've got a bit of an inkling of how they would cope with that um are they willing to take turns and share it's very common that they might not be so don't worry if that's a bit of an alarm bell for you um I mean my children can't share with each other at all at home they don't

34:13want to but at school it would be would you like this one so don't be alarmed if at home they're not the same as they are at school and then I think the biggest one for me is a child is willing to give something a try okay so you'll have your refusers you'll have in the first few weeks you no, not doing it because who are you to ask me to do that? You know, I'm not doing it. But actually, with a bit of time, they'll soften and they'll want to have a go. They'll see how exciting something looks and they're prepared. But if your child is still kind of a refuser halfway through the year, then that could be something that we need to work on a little bit more.

34:51So if you can get them willing to have a go at home before they start at school, that would really help. And we've obviously talking about the first few years of school. but what about the last year of primary school not talking about English or math or anything like that what sort of things as parents should we be doing for kids who are going to be leaving primary school next year I think it's such a tricky oh it's so tricky when they go to high school and obviously it's that it's that lack of control a little bit over what they're going to be doing um so for me it would be just allowing the boundaries a little bit more you know I saw your story about seeing the kids out on the bikes and things like that so obviously you know your child better than anybody if that's an absolute no then that's a no but kind of giving them a little bit more freedom and saying things like okay so you've got this homework and this needs to be done by them but I'm going to let you decide when's the best time now that could massively backfire and they might not do it at all I'm never going to do it then yeah yeah but then they have to face the consequence of that and that's a quick lesson to learn if they're being spoken to by the teacher and said well you've not done your homework and they know oh mum did say actually I needed to do that then that is on them isn't it and that's they'll learn very quickly I think organisation is a good one yeah that comes a little bit with what I've just said but you know giving them the opportunities to be organised where possible would be very helpful the girls are always going to do it oh yeah what is that?

36:32oh my god what is that? I walked into Lula's room on Saturday afternoon or maybe it was yesterday and I was like what have you got to? and she was like I'm just detoxing my bathroom and I've just made a pile here of stuff that I didn't even have completely rearranged my entire room look at it and I was like oh my god it looks like something off of Maria Kondo yeah I know like if I say to Gigi oh you've got camp today you need this isn't this she goes okay and then she has it already by the door literally this is what I'm trying with my son now is like to learn so he can pack his own bag oh my god no no no no no we had to go into school after they broke up to find his school iPad so we turn up the caretakers looking all over the school for it with him can't find it then um they have to call the ICT teacher because he's the one who can go and find my you know find my phone whatever it is to ping it he goes oh it's that and says the address my house and I'm like right okay cool we've just got three teachers involved in their holidays to find this iPad that you swore you didn't bring home so then we get home is under his bed pinging in with all his books from last year like just in like scrunched in the middle of it all and he's just basically because I told him to throw the books away and he was like no I'm not throwing away I was okay cool well you find a home for them because I don't want like your books from last year under his bed like it's that yeah we're not there with that no no and that's that only comes I think with a little bit more independence and we were talking we've been talking about independence haven't we because that that's really important and that that can be you know you tell me Laura but is it just letting them go to the shops by themselves you know or take the dog for a walk on their own or giving them that little bit of freedom as well outside of the house so obviously the responsibility of laying out your uniform doing x y and z but really they've got to get their head around 100 being just a solo person for a bit right yeah and I think as a parent you would be doing a disservice to your child if you didn't do that because ultimately you can't you can't parent them forever we've got to and and I appreciate that it might be a bit of oh gosh well they've got a detention now at high school because they've not done that but again it is a quick lesson to learn and they'll might have to learn it the hard way and I think as well having those consistent expectations it's so easy to go well they're a boy well they're a boy so oh but actually we always do that for boys if we always say well they're a boy so I'll just lay it out for him though like life is not going to treat them differently because well I mean that's a different conversation but you know we've got to kind of have the same expectations for the for both genders because you can't still be lying out their uniform for them in year seven and then suddenly they won't want you to do anything for them anymore it's a quick shift to oh mum I don't want me to win my room and things like that so actually if you can prepare them beforehand and know that you're on their team you're just trying to get them ready yeah and year six is probably a better time to learn those lessons before you start secondary school right okay cool so I just wanted to ask you before we we say goodbye is there anything that you would like to leave the listeners with any words of encouragement any kind of final tips or thoughts on the podcast today?

39:51Yeah so I would just say school is a journey your child is going to be there for a very long time and if they come home from school and they are reacting differently they're they're different at home you're finding them really hard to manage at home please just know that that's very normal it's very common because they've had to answer questions all day remember things play nicely with their friends eat with somebody who actually was eating something yucky and they didn't really like the look of you know all those different things that are going on at school and then they come home to you and they might overreact because you've given them a different color cup or you've made their favorite food but suddenly it's not their favorite anymore please just know that you are their safe space you know them better than anybody and it's okay if they come home and react like that it's hard as a parent it is really hard but they've had to keep things bottled up all day at school so it's very normal and also don't be afraid I think parent to teacher relationships and communication is so important please speak to your child's teacher because the majority of the time they've been through these things before they know exactly what to do and they're there to help and sometimes just a cuddle on the sofa yeah and watching a bit of Louis just sorts everything out but not the one where they try and sell the house at the end because that's really sad I can't watch that one again um Laura thank you so much for coming on today's podcast.

41:14Laura, everyone. Thank you. Thank you so much.

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