Friday Q&A on Ask Us Absolutely Anything!

0:28Zoe and Georgia will be here in just a moment with Made by Mummers. know you're born on your podcast app and hit follow so new episodes land straight in your feed. Hello and welcome to Made by Mamas the podcast. I'm Zoe Hardman and I'm Georgia Dayton and this is your parenting safe space where no conversation is off limits. With five kids between G and I, we have seen a lot. We really have. Each week we'll be joined by some famous faces and experts and we'll chat about the brands and products that have saved us along the way. In short, We're the parenting podcast for you. Before we get started, hit subscribe or follow so you're the first to know when each episode lands.

1:05And they're on Tuesdays and Fridays. And it really helps if you leave a rating and a review. You can also find us on Instagram. We're on at Made by Mummers. But for now, George, should we get into it? Happy Friday. Happy Friday. How are you? What's going on? I'm all right, thanks. What can I tell you? I've got really into my cooking. hold on a minute put Zoe on hang on hang on who's it hold on I'm having an out of body experience everything I thought you were ever gonna say it was not that right this week but sometimes you go I've got into my cooking I made a salad and then I'm like okay there's Zoe back again

1:46right this week I've made a chicken and ham pie yeah from cook but I put it in the oven but like listen I made the mash here we go here we go hold on from scratch i've made a spaghetti bolognese right absolutely delicious a roast yeah which was the best one i've ever made the pie that you put in yeah you put it in the oven but you made the mash on the side frittata yeah which i made yeah easy love that and that's it okay that's four meals out of five okay i'll say you're not into cooking and that is fine. I've done breakfast, some Cheerios, a couple of hummus dishes with carrots. Anyway, listen, I'm trying.

2:32I'm trying really hard. What about you? What have I been up to? I've not been cooking. Actually, no, I have. I have been cooking. But, you know, that's not anything new, really. That's normal. That's normal. What's going on at the moment? Let me think. Axel's got an obsession with being head boy, which is funny. This is classic it's so funny he's in year five and he can't be head boy like that you know head boy is for year six and when it was the day where they're announcing it he's like imagine if they just say axel dating and i was like that they they won't that they won't say that like that that's not that's not gonna happen he's like right okay i've got a plan i'm like right what what what's the plan was and he's like I've got to turn on the AD he calls it the AD which is no the AC sorry the AC I've got to turn on the AC which is the actual charm and I'm like right oh my god when I see the head teacher I'm gonna say to her hi how are you you look great and I was like how's your marathon training going he's like because then she's gonna know me she's gonna know I'm interested in her I was like right okay he's like then he's like I'm gonna take a photo of this year's head boy's entry so then I can know the points that they made and I'm like it's so weird though like it's I don't know where it's come from but he he will be either a gigolo yeah or prime minister well we're not sure but it's quite it's quite funny to watch something like and I keep saying to him oh like mate I mean what do you think is gonna happen when you're head boy like because For me, like me and James are both like, can't waste your time.

4:22Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, like nothing happens to a primary school head boy. Like it's not a thing. Like it's really not. But he so thinks like, I don't know, thinks it's his ticket to success. Well, when I went, you know, I went on that random year where I went to school in Switzerland. Yes. It was almost like a gap year, but I was 12. And I just went there for a year, played loads of sports, skied and learned French. That was absolutely amazing. but I'd obviously been a total fuck up at school up until this point apart from my sport and drama and when I got there within the first month of me being there they made me the head of the junior school and when the prime prime minister when the head teacher Didier Boutroux sat me down and said it's you we'd like you to do it I was like you're joking right and they were like no this is you're brilliant you'll be great at it and I was like I genuinely will not please this is you I thought they were having a fucking laugh oh my god how ridiculous me can you imagine right there's no rules you can stay out for as long as you want no lessons you can just fuck around do loads of sport i mean actually to be fair it was kind of the making of me but at the time i just saw all that responsibility me yeah it's funny though isn't it because i can imagine gigi being like that yeah like someone saying to her do you want to be head girl she'd be like no like what no no extra excites no you're all right you're absolutely fine telling people off yeah like no like look she looks at him like baffled like baffled like what what what who who are you but yeah that's where we're at it's funny it's really we're talking about um um kids and and school and stuff like that and we're going to do a q a today and there's one of the things it's kind of it's an ask us anything so thank you so much for sending in all of your questions i'm going to kick this off because one of them is kid related about the dynamics at school um and it says ways to advise girls to navigate friendships and we talk about this loads don't we george daughter is year three and other girls can be horrible and you know what i think you've hit the nail on the head where i think in year three that's when you start to see that it goes from being very innocent inclusive to actually quite divisive and i don't think it's actually um sort of solely the girls because i'm seeing it a little bit with kit and some of his friendships i think some of it he's finding quite difficult although they handle it in a different way um it doesn't seem as maybe malicious it's still quite painful for them and i just said to my advice to this person and anyone else listening i always say to the kids you only need one mate find your find your tribe one soulmate find that person and stick to them because actually that whole big group dynamic it was never any good for me there was all I found it really really tricky to navigate because I always felt and I was right to feel like that that there was whispers and bitchiness going on and so my advice to this person would just be tell your daughter to find her mate yeah to find the one I was gonna say and do you know what to this person as well there's actually someone else who's written in pretty much the same question how to manage girl dramas seven-year-old lots of playground drama and I think it's one it's something that people feel really awkward about talking about and i actually think as parents we can like you know support our this in this case girls like talking to them about how what a friendship should look like how friends should make you feel how you want to make other people feel but ultimately i think we can't get involved you know unless it's really really bad yes like really bad and it gets to a point where it's really really bad i think yep you can definitely talk to the teacher but I think sometimes these things yeah it starts from home like teaching them about reminding them about what it is to be a friend you know what healthy friendships look like all that kind of stuff but I do think it's something that it almost happens like any and it's like a learning for a lot of people like if you're if you have it when someone's horrible to you it's not nice definitely not but does that then teach that child about friendship and how friends should make them feel.

8:31Like, I don't know. I think... I understand what you're saying. I do think it's our responsibility, George, and I think you've hit the nail on the head again because I think... How many times do you sit down with your kids and say to them, you know, please always be kind. If you see somebody, you know, sitting on their own or you see somebody else saying something nasty, get around that person. I say it all the time to my kids. Yeah, same. That is probably a language that we're always saying to our children. But actually, like you said, it's only when they really identify what a friendship looks like that that's probably when the penny will drop half the time I'm like just turn around walk away just let them get because I know that they've got their mates who will look after and protect them but I do think it's our responsibility to have those chats yeah and I think sometimes when they see like the parents getting involved it makes it a bigger situation do you know what I mean and especially at like that age like seven you know eight nine it's it is playground stuff you know and it's worth maybe making a teacher aware so that they can look out for anything that's you know really not great but I think it is about arming your kids with like the information of like how you need how you should treat people how you want to be treated all that kind of stuff but also bigger picture can we as humans rewire our brains from birth passing it down to not be judgmental yeah nasty vicious horrible bitchy what why is that why is that a rite of passage what is what is wrong with us i don't know it's so weird isn't it it's so it's strange do you find it like i really noticed it with how the like axel communicates in a different way to gg so like you know if axel and his friends are not like not getting on or whatever he'll be like oh such and such is really annoying today they did this they did that and I'm like what did you do and he's like well I just went and played with someone else and I won't speak to them for a few days and then I'll say to Gigi like oh like anything happens she goes yeah I told them that they were really making me feel sad and um and I told them that this this this and this and like they I feel like the girls are really good with like naming what yeah you know what's happened like she made me feel like this way when you when you do this it makes me feel left out of course you've been listening to my therapy session it's so funny and I've seen all of them they're all like it when they come to the house like they'll be like Gigi did this and it made me feel like this and I'm like wow right okay whereas Axel and his mates will literally just like go off into a different room like to each other or you know like they just ignore it um but yeah it's interesting I had an incident on the train the other day where I was in an all burgundy outfit I think I just left the studio actually yeah you did have all burgundy on right and there were two women sitting um on the next door seats to me in a four and I was in a two and I looked over and I smiled and I could see them whispering so they they lent in to whisper right and when I stood up to get off the train I heard one of them say well it's a look isn't it so I just turned around and said yeah it's a good look and walks off the train I thought you don't know me you don't know like what sort of a day I've had why are you commenting on it was so nasty and bitchy and I thought gosh I haven't experienced anything on that level since I was at school that made me feel like I wanted to run away and I thought no fuck you yeah don't make me feel bad about my old Ron Burgundy outfit I'll wear it with pride thanks god it never leaves people does it like like being like that god we'll be right back after this short break welcome back to this episode of made by mamas now where were we do you think resentment is a normal emotion in relationships with kids i do husband doesn't hmm that's interesting yes I absolutely do yeah we talk about resentment as a big topic um I don't think it's possible to live in a relationship without resentment when you've got kids because you'll never think the balance is is ever there I think at times when it's good is when you're communicating and you're sharing your load and their load and you know you're spending time together as a family but I think if one person is living a very different life outside of the family um or one person is doing much more of the housework for example or much more of the of the um I don't know yeah housework stuff around the house kids stuff mental load that sort of stuff I think there will be resentment that's been built up yeah I was gonna say I think resentment is normal I don't think it's like I think it's become really normal I don't think it's healthy but I think it is normal like we I think anyone we speak to like that's one of the topics if you if you ask anyone about their relationship post kids I very much doubt there'll ever be anyone that doesn't say that resentment is an issue in some way is the question is it normal or is it not normal well no they've said is it is it a normal emotion I think it is a normal yeah completely normal yeah yeah of course I think it is I think but yeah I don't think it's a healthy emotion like I think you know we we all try and get past it and find ways to deal with it I don't think it's something you need to live with I think it's something you can tackle but do I think it's normal like maybe yes 100 % a million percent one one exercise that you could try doing as well is if if you have you know an argument that comes up what happens with resentment is that resentment likes to climb onto your back, perch onto your shoulder and start screaming all the other things that you feel resentful about.

14:22So if you can try to really sit down and communicate with your partner why you feel resentment and also when you are in an argument with them, try and focus on what you're actually talking about or a discussion of an argument rather than being like, yeah, well, you know, I'm, yeah, yeah. And I did this and you haven't done that. And this comes, you know, it's a slagging match. So that that's resentment's special power. It just likes to show up and shove it all in your face at once. yeah so i think yeah but you can talk your way out of having a more harmonious house and less resentment there yeah just let me know what that looks like when you figure that out okay let's talk about art let's go here favorite makeup bits currently oh i've actually been buying some new bits recently because i've had this perioral dermatitis i've had to be a little bit more careful with what I've been using so I bought um as a base that by Terry um CC serum because it's got basically all the by Terry stuff has got like skincare benefits as well so it's like not going to be so I guess like harsh on your skin so I love that and then um because my skin's been really dry because I haven't been able to use all my normal stuff which is annoying I've been going more to like cream blushes and stuff so that I've got a Merit one which I love love um I'm just trying to think what other bits but I love the Rare Beauty um liquid blush yes have you have you used it I haven't used it I've seen it really nice yeah it's gorgeous I love the Rare Beauty range actually it's really great you can get it in Space and K what are you laughing at the moment do you know what I'm such a Charlotte Tilbury girl but I have started using the Bob this Bobby Brown um foundation I've been mixing it in with my beautiful skin because I feel like they're quite not my actual beautiful skin but my imagine if I said that I've been mixing it in with my own beautiful skin no you have got beautiful skin the beautiful skin range from Charlotte Tilbury it's a foundation but I've been mixing the two together because it's quite they're quite similar that really really hydrating really dewy I love that I love MAC I wear a mixture of oak um lip liner and a spice nice and then obviously dance floor princess is my ultimate favorite although I started using Pillow Talk, the original one, and I think I prefer that in autumn, winter.

16:38Oh, do you? Interesting. Yeah, because the other one's a bit sheerer. Okay. And it's a bit more summery. And then on my eyes, I'm using that Bobbi Brown stick. Oh, those sticks are amazing. The sticks are incredible. I like the Laura Mercier ones as well, actually. I mean, they're very, very similar. But yeah, they're like the best thing, especially if you're like taking your makeup bag overnight somewhere and you don't want to take like loads of different eyeshadows or a palette or anything. Just having a couple of those is bang on. And then obviously our favourite mascaras, Maybelline Big Shot, absolutely the best mascara of all time.

17:13And then the one thing that I started using, which has now completely gone out of my head. Oh yeah, is the Laura Mercier powder, which is super, super fine. Yes. And just put a little bit here. It's amazing. Around my nose. Yeah, I feel like that's a product that lasts forever and then you realise you've had it for two, three years and you're like, oh, I probably should buy a new one. I've got it in January and it's still nearly full. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can have it forever, but I think you're only meant to have it for like a maximum of a year. So maybe, yeah, definitely update it. Where should we go?

17:53Oh, how does your weekly routine look at the moment? I'm feeling swamped here. hmm it's quite difficult for us isn't it because we don't have the same week every week um and so I mean for me personally some weeks for me look like I get up in the morning I take the kids to school I sit in my office for eight hours and then I come out like every day like that's very you know that some weeks for me look like that um actually a lot of weeks look like that but we also within that have lots of meetings we you know go I go into London we record the podcast we're going to London for a meeting with press or whatever so I don't necessarily have a routine and I totally get what you're saying about being swamped but I would say I am now like trying to factor in things for me in a routine so I do my weight training session at least twice a week because it's booked in so like I can't like not go to that unless like you know I will always try and get a walk in quickly after the school run like especially if I know I'm gonna be at my desk for like hours I will do a quick walk um I always try like I mean my mum and dad moved over in June like to live close by and for ages I was trying to not like you know not leave them with the kids too long because they didn't want to take the piss and like all of this stuff surely that's gone out the window now yeah of course um whereas now like my mum for instance like on a usually on a Wednesday they're like do not come and pick the kids up until at least seven o 'clock do not come and I'm like oh I know that it's dark and I feel bad and my mum's like no like if you finish work at like five ish just like do what you need to do at home or go to the gym or sit and watch the telly yeah do something else yeah um and so I am trying to take those moments and then also like when on a Saturday when Gigi does dancing I have two and a half hours to myself whereas my mindset before used to be like right what can I get done in this two and a half hours because I was feeling so stretched but now it's not that like I make a conscious effort like I don't come home like I'm not going home in those two and a half hours I go to the gym I'll go and sit and have a coffee I go for a mooch like I do those things so then I don't resent being overwhelmed it's a weird thing isn't it but um I think if you're doing things for yourself then the feeling overwhelmed that is a little bit better that is exactly what I was gonna say to the person that sent the question in ask yourself this question what one thing and it could only be one thing are you doing for yourself every single week one hour right are you learning a new hobby are you meeting up with a mate are you going to the gym are you going to sit in a steam room what are you doing for you in that week because some weeks we give ourselves nothing outside of what we have to do and our requirements our motherly responsibilities our work responsibilities what are you doing for you mine last week was playing tennis for an hour and it has given me so much joy and I'm going to do that every single week I'm giving myself that because it's not going to the gym it's not flogging myself it's not giving everything on a podcast it's not going off to film for morning live it's for me yeah and I and I loved it so I would really if you are feeling overwhelmed have a look write down really good exercise write down everything that you have to do in the week and then look for the gaps to put something in that will fill your cup up do you know what else this is like doing my thing forever I always get up half an hour earlier than everyone else I always think of you it's like the first person I think of It is my non-negotiable, like, has been forever, even before kids.

21:43I mean, there was a sticky patch when the kids were getting up too early and that, you know, it wasn't going to happen. But half an hour earlier and in that time, I'm not doing any jobs. I am having some sin proof now before I have my cup of tea and then have my cup of tea and sitting down and drinking my cup of tea on the sofa. And that sets me up like nothing else. I love that you do that. Possibly could. when my alarm goes off at 20 past six i always think georgia's already been up for 20 minutes i have first thing i think yeah having a cup of tea on the sofa i'm sitting i'm sitting on the sofa looking out the window it's dark now so let's um eve says georgia how do you do your hair at the moment right now it's not actually washed so um do you know what when i'm i was in cyprus this year my tongs broke they they actually fully snapped i had the ghd curve whatever so weird it was in my suitcase opened the suitcase on the way home it was like in half cry yeah well i didn't cry but you know internally um and so i was using the dyson air up again for a while and then i bought myself some new ghd tongs but they don't have the clip on them now yeah the new ones are just like i don't know it's like it's a lot thicker than my old yeah yeah um i can't remember what it's called but you go on you go on the ghg website and you do a quiz and then they tell you which ones i'm not for you you say that but i would have bought a different pair and i'm really pleased with the ones that i've got so maybe do the quiz or a dyson air wrap there we go we'll be right back after this short break welcome back to this episode of made by mama's Now, where were we?

23:28How are you both doing? Are the kids all settled back into school? That is a nice question. How are we both doing? How are we both doing? Oh, my God. Next? Next. No. Well, my good news is that I got all my CT results back and all my scan results came back good. So I've convinced myself that I had some horrible illness, but I don't, which is great. I just have a stomach ulcer, which is healing. so the biopsy results showed that I have high levels of acid in my stomach but it's nothing to be super concerned about I've just got to keep doing what I'm doing healthy lifestyle no booze no coffee and um like bone lots of bone broth lots of soups that kind of thing but generally I feel quite clear in my mind I feel I felt like I was quite low the last like four or five weeks because of this illness but actually I think identifying that you feel low is a good step in feeling better because I was kind of fighting it like why do I feel like why do I feel emotional a lot of the time and why do I feel you know it was quite hard for me you know you know you wake up in the morning and some mornings you bounce out of bed and then other mornings you think I don't want to pull the duvet back that's how I felt for quite a long time for me so um it's nice to feel that I'm getting my spring back better and the kids are good yeah they're great they're absolutely great I'm like me and Isla had big chat last night actually I wanted to share this on the podcast today that I actually said sorry to Isla for being potentially quite snappy and quite short with her and giving her a bit of a hard time and I said to him really this is a bit of a grown-up conversation but I feel like I've lost you a bit and that's hurting me I feel like you don't want to share stuff with me I feel like you can barely say hello to me these days and I said I know that that's probably she said to me oh but that's how we treat each other at my mum's house you know it's banter and I said but I'm not I'm not her and I'm not your brothers and I have feelings and your little brother and sister here also have feelings I'm not saying they don't have feelings they do have feelings but we handle things differently and I just said if you could just try just to be a little bit more communicative and kind to me that would help me and she said she said she's really sorry and she said she would as well oh that's cute so that's good that's a nice conversation of course then I had to turn the corner and had a little cry yeah of course what about you George yeah yeah I'm all good I'm um sounds like we're starting the podcast again yeah I don't know I'm like yeah I mean it's a really busy time at work for me this is like the same probably every single year in September, October, I feel like I can't breathe until January.

26:06But that's fine. That's good. I have to remind myself how privileged I am to be in this situation, which I try and tell myself and repeat all the time. Yeah, well done. But no, I'm good. And actually, weirdly, we've got half term coming up. And normally, if I was feeling like this, I'd be like, right, we need a holiday. Right, let's book holiday. And actually, I've realized that sometimes that's the problem. like going away stepping out too much but actually I just need to like power through and then actually I can enjoy like the weekends and I can I cannot dread how much work I've left behind so that's what I'm doing well done George and the kids are good like yeah I mean I've sort of touched on the whole secondary school thing and it's still very much a big topic in our house at the moment and a very confusing topic um I think it's confusing because I've got an August child who just turned nine and yet you suddenly get um emails to go and view secondary schools and it feels like really soon um and completely it is and it's really good but I feel like I'm still quite open to the online school thing um to be continued to be continued and also my opinion changes every day so that's that's where i am right now i like that george um i want to ask because um jay sent a message in and i think we're gonna have different responses need a night cream or night eye cream well i don't have a night eye cream because i don't use eye cream at night because my eyes are quite sensitive but if you want the best night cream that you will ever use in my opinion medicaid medicaid night cream oh my god georgia it's like putting liquid gold on your face right i'm going to order it really great as we as we record this 20 off at space in k on medicaid um i'm gonna order that okay yeah i don't i don't use an eye i actually never used to use an eye cream but then in the last few years I started using the beauty pie hyaluronic one and it's fine but I think I prefer it's a long con one and it's in a gold pot I think that's really lovely um but again I still haven't found one that doesn't irritate my eyes at night or yeah or if I put it on in the day then my makeup doesn't sit the same as the rest of my makeup so it's fine on the days where I'm not wearing makeup and I'll put it on but I still haven't found like that golden eye cream that me neither no so let us know if you guys know it you've got one we haven't found one yet another beauty tip which I just really wanted to share that I've been absolutely hammering is my gua sha I've been doing it every single day I've been doing it every single day for nearly two months now wow um i'm not sure if it's making any difference yet but i think you just need to keep going with it but i really feel i've got two now do them at the same time wow it's brilliant i absolutely love it do you know what i've been trialing and it's too early to say what i think yet is that zip beauty you know zip yeah that device in fact my mum's got one um and i've been like nicking it from her but um yeah i've been i've been trialing it and we'll see but because it's not just about like contouring and stuff it also can help with like glowing skin um so yeah i'll um i'll post some feedback when it's been long enough there was one question here which i thought was really interesting this is from tanya sounds strange but i'm finding it hard to find my place in the world and be relevant as a 40 year old oh well firstly thank you so much for sharing that with us because you are not the only one and I think that feeling of lack of identity or losing your identity can feel very can feel very overwhelming at certain times um especially I think 40 is a bit of a milestone um but first the 40s are the best decade so let's just get ready for that who's not who's not in it I'm in it um also I I think finding out your purpose is such a big um it's such a big like some topic to unpack unpack because your purpose can change like when you become a mother suddenly your whole purpose in life is to nurture and care for and love for your little human that you're raising and then as they get older you start thinking right they don't need me as much now who am I what do I love what do I want to be doing who do I want to spend my time with what makes me feel fulfilled what makes me feel fulfilled is my favorite question to ask myself if I ever feel lost and I might feel lost about work friendships my relationship you know my place in my family so asking yourself that question I think might help you get your answer because fulfillment is everything right absolutely and I think as well like you say it's such a big question to say you know I don't know where my place is in the world well but I think you've got it's baby steps isn't it it's finding out like what you enjoy finding out like putting your boundaries in place and not doing things you don't enjoy because that can feel so empowering like that is such an amazing thing to do it's just but you know just just admit things you don't actually like doing and then just don't do them I mean I'm not talking about like the washing because there are some things that have to be you know yeah has to be done but you know like oh I don't you know I've been doing this every Friday for the last five years actually I don't enjoy it and not doing it anymore that's fine yeah but I was having a conversation with some colleagues the other day and one is like 10 years younger and one's 10 years older and I'm somewhere in the middle and the older one was saying that you know she feels like she was fed the narrative of what she had to do so she had to go to university then buy a house then get married then have kids and she that's what she's been doing and it was only when she turned 40 that she took a step back and was like wow like I don't even know if I would have done that like had I not had I just taken a step back in a moment to think about it and now she's like very much you know like just looking at things that she enjoys and finding new hobbies and finding new passions and stuff like that and it's amazing and then the one who is 10 years younger was saying that she's at that place right now where she feels like I think she's 30 she feels like she should be you know does she want to live in the UK anymore does she want to get married does she want to have kids what career does she want to have does she want to stay in the career she's in right now and she's sort of asking herself these questions and I love that I think so many of us have just like followed a path of like what you're supposed to do and that's you know that's fine but we haven't taken a step back to think about what we enjoy or given ourselves any time because we've been so on the cycle of like go to university get a job get married buy a house have kids like and then not taking a minute to be like oh actually what do i like in this world it's weird isn't it um it's really weird like let's do a podcast on it let's dive deeper into it because i think that's such a big thing that lots of us feel i mean that's as deep as i go so no i'm joking and that is the end of the podcast that's it i've got nothing else for you no but genuinely i think that is the end of the podcast george because we've been chatting for 33 minutes thank you so much for all of your questions if we didn't get to them today we will do a follow-up one of these and as always we would love you to rate review subscribe and please give our podcast a follow yeah and if you've got any topics you'd like us to cover on these friday q a's then drop us a message on instagram we're on at made by mamas and we'll be back on tuesday