Friday Q&A on Clashing Parenting Styles

0:28Zoe and Georgia will be here in just a moment with Made by Mummers. know you're born on your podcast app and hit follow so new episodes land straight in your feed. Hello and welcome to Made by Mamas the podcast. I'm Zoe Hardman and I'm Georgia Dayton and this is your parenting safe space where no conversation is off limits. With five kids between G and I, we have seen a lot. We really have. Each week we'll be joined by some famous faces and experts and we'll chat about the brands and products that have saved us along the way. In short, We're the parenting podcast for you. Before we get started, hit subscribe or follow so you're the first to know when each episode lands.

1:05And they're on Tuesdays and Fridays. And it really helps if you leave a rating and a review. You can also find us on Instagram. We're on at Made by Mummers. But for now, George, should we get into it? Another week done, Georgia. Indeed. And we got to see each other this week, which was so nice. How nice was that? Share a room. I mean, we are actually like, we went to this, for anyone who doesn't follow us on Instagram or didn't see it, we went to an Amazon influencer event. It's kind of like a conference, wasn't it? It was like a conference, yeah. Yeah, and on the first night, we were invited to a dinner, but it actually wasn't a dinner.

1:43It was a party with canapes. On a Monday. On a Monday, and Zoe and I were like, what? No, party? No, no, we didn't. This isn't what we thought. we were coming for a dinner we want to sit down and chat yeah so we stayed for what an hour maybe like yeah max stood by where the canapes came out so that we could have as many as we were like that we were saying to the waiters we were like any canapes that come out straight to us yeah the brunette straight to us bring them over that's it and then we uh went to bed uh with a peppermint and had a lovely sleep, woke up fresh. But lots of people stay out at those things, don't they?

2:25And then they regret their life choices the next day. I mean, some of the German influencers were dancing on the dance floor at like 8.30pm. They were living their best lives. I mean, I was like, fair play to them, go for it. And obviously it's London as well, so any night is a big night. I bet they all went out. I mean, it was quite an early call time the next day, but I can confirm that Georgia is the sweetest person to share a room with. not a sniff not a snivel not a snore not asleep it was lovely and same with you that's what i was gonna say we're like we're good room partners actually yes because we both want to just go like straight to sleep have a little chat like that's it and then yeah we're not like yeah we're not bad to share rooms with i don't think well one thing i did find quite unsettling um was i I actually found myself being quite jealous of your pajamas.

3:15Yes. I had to make you feel shit about them, so I told you they were awful. But in my mind, I was actually like, mine looked terrible in comparison. But those, again, who didn't see on Instagram, I bought some kids' pajamas from M &S. And actually, I can see how many of you bought them as well. So it's not just me. And they are like the best. I think they're under 20 pounds. They're leopard print. and they've got a peter pan collar they've got a little ruffle on the wrist and on the legs they are great and zoe was like oh my god they are awful but i knew secretly she wanted some so you know because the only time it ever cool i ever get caught out on things like this is when i have to do something like that and go and share a room with somebody else because obviously i don't sleep in pajamas i sleep in a pair of knickers or i sleep completely naked and but obviously i can't do that if i'm sharing a room with you so what i bought the shittiest pair of tracksuit bottoms and this horrible old like stained vest top and georgia minces out in her bloody peter pan leopard print and i was like oh god i've really got to up my great my game i'm 43 on sunday i need to sort it out i mean i think you're either pajama person or you're not though like i really yeah i'm with my like like friends that i go away with you know we always do like a night away there's like half and half there's something you know some of us like one of my friends will not like worry about spending 400 pounds on a pair of pajamas like she like she would spend money on pajamas over like a designer pair of shoes or anything like that she's like all in wild yeah and then you've got people who are like oh my god i would literally i just wear like an old t-shirt or like nothing so you know this is for everyone you know some people are different i like a t-shirt that i sometimes sleep in which is quite nice but george when you go into perimenopause let's see how you get on with those really long trousers and that long top that you're wearing I think you might get a bit too hot we'll wait and see okay yeah watch this space who knows I might change my mind um actually talking about differences that leads quite nicely into what we're going to be talking about today not between the two of us but no differences that you come up against when you're parenting with someone um and that doesn't even have to be like with your partner that actually could be with you know someone like a parent who you might live in the same house with or you know a co-parent or someone's ex or yeah there's we all have different views on how to parent and it's quite difficult to navigate um because I feel like I don't know about you but I've known James forever right and we always thought we were totally on the same page about this sort of stuff until we had a child and then the reality is so different and actually you realize that the way you've been brought up is different the way you want to bring you know that there are that you're going to come up against stuff that you just don't agree on Yeah, I think it's really difficult because at that point, you have to really very quickly figure out how you're going to respond when, let's just say your partner, for example, is completely not aligned with your views on how to discipline the kids, how to talk to the kids, subjects that come up.

6:42I mean examples in our house are for example Doza can be very very hard when it comes to sport and you know if even if the kids are absolutely shattered and they're like please you know do it please please we have to go to running club like they've already trained like five times in the week and if Doza's not here I'll be like do you know what if you're really knackered what's 25 minutes of running gonna do like it's fine whereas he'd be like absolutely not get your trainers on you're going to running club and sometimes and sometimes I question I'm not saying my my way is right because you know he's an ex-england international rugby player there's a reason for that and that is probably for that very reason that he didn't have a day off there there weren't sick days you know he never missed a training session it was like very hardcore but I look at my kids some days and I think you are absolutely shattered and are we being too pushy with them other examples are you know sometimes when you know I'm talking to the kids about certain things he can be very dismissive and he can be like you need to be more resilient you need to harden up you need and i'm a bit more of a soft touch and he doesn't necessarily like that either yeah no do you know what we had a situation on the way to school this morning and it's like the age old scenario james always says to axel everything okay everything okay at school and axel's like yeah yeah all good anyone being mean to you and and axel's like no no no well well, just so you know, if anyone hits you or pushes you, you've got my full permission to push them back or hit them back twice as hard.

8:11They literally had that conversation on the way to school this morning. And I'm like, oh, like, oh God, two wrongs don't make a right. Like they don't. And now he has slightly changed his, like the way he says it. He'll say, obviously tell them not to first. but if that doesn't work then do this and I still feel uncomfortable about it but again like I get the sentiment like I get that if you you know it could just take pushing someone back really hard once and then they'll leave you alone I do understand that do I think that it's the answer no I don't but again like who knows what's right really like I don't know like and also do Boys and girls sort things out differently.

8:59So this is so interesting, George, because this is another topic that comes up a lot in our house where, you know, if somebody hit Kit, let's say he got a punch in the face, Dozer would encourage him to hit him back because he would be like, that's how it's sorted out. And that's how he sorted things out. Now, I don't necessarily understand that language because I haven't. I got hit once in the walkabout pub in Covent Garden. But that's my only experience. and I was 18 and some really big girl hit me and that was it like I just ran away because I was frightened um so I don't I don't know if I don't I I hear it and I really want to learn from it but I don't necessarily think I'm the parent that will encourage it at the same time if somebody went out and attacked Kit he needs to know how to defend himself yeah yeah because otherwise what's gonna happen yeah no no I totally agree and I and I'm exactly the same like I've never I don't think I've ever hit anyone like not like I remember like if anyone listening can correct you know here to correct me answers on a postcard yeah yeah yeah that's fine but I I don't think that I have and I don't really have that instinct either but I don't think Axel does right like I don't think he has that instinct to do that and I think that is sometimes why James like almost says to him it's okay to do that because he doesn't think that he would like and i think maybe for a man sometimes that worries them you know like it worries them that they couldn't defend themselves or it worries them yeah and i and i get it like i think it's so confusing but that's just a few examples of like the stuff that you know we disagree on um and we've had loads of stuff yeah loads loads loads okay I'm going to start with this one it is so hard different ideas on what's okay what's not okay behavior we riled a lot but mostly in private so I guess that's that's another topic that comes up a lot actually on here is that is it is it ever okay to let your kids see you argue now for me that happens you know I'm not talking about the big old the big old blazes that sometimes come up which you know we're only normal but I think you know you can't protect them from everything like I wouldn't let it get nasty or I wouldn't you know I wouldn't be calling him names in front of her I wouldn't be screaming and shouting but like we do have arguments in front of the kids and they'll say Luna especially she's like gosh mommy are you okay and I'm like yeah do you know what it's fine we've just annoyed each other we're in a marriage that's what happens and everything's okay and she goes did daddy say sorry have you said sorry and I go yeah we've said sorry and that's our rift and repair in front of the kids whereas I know that some people like I remember going out with somebody one of my ex-boyfriends who was like I've never ever ever heard my parents argue ever and that was his reality and he said it was always really lovely but he also was terrible when it came to conflicts like he didn't he didn't know how to argue he didn't want to argue and sometimes you have to have a healthy blowout don't you I don't know yeah no no I agree with you and actually sometimes like our parenting styles we don't always put on a united front like I know that we should like probably like as in like if James has said something to Axel or Gigi and I don't agree with it I will sometimes be like no that's harsh or you know no you know no no I don't agree with that or oh like that don't speak to them like that or something like that I do that in front of the kids yeah I do because it's instinct you know like it's instinct like I sometimes I really don't agree like I really don't agree or I think he's got something wrong like sometimes he'll like jump to a conclusion that something's happened and I'm like oh no that's not what happened because I just saw like do you know I mean that's not what happened and that used to really wind him up and it's definite and it still does and it's definitely something that I try not to do but I do sometimes think that instinct takes over and also he now says to me sometimes like oh that was too harsh remind me when that's too harsh because he is like he knows that he can sometimes be too much like with them like he that's his personality he's got very like high expectations of himself of others like that is just how he is and he like he's obviously learned like learning to meet in the middle somewhere you know and I think when I think I know you should put on a united front but I do think it's okay to show you have differences in opinion and that you still love each other do you know what I mean like I think of like their friendships and you how you teach them about friendships and that you're not always going to agree with your friend but you still have to own what you think's right I don't know like I agree with that totally I agree with that totally I just wonder and it's something that comes up a lot in my mind that if kids see that there is a division between you know the two people that are raising them in the house if you're in a you know a two-parent household if that is the reality and they see that actually you know what mommy and daddy they don't agree on things and mommy says one thing and daddy says the other thing or mommy says one thing and other mommy says the other you know like that's a problem because they're really they are they are really clever and they do understand that that that shows the weakness between the two of you so I definitely agree with like holding your hands up and saying do you know what I've got that wrong but I I personally would never call Dozer out in front of the kids I will pull him afterwards and say you've got that wrong there you owe them an apology the way that you spoke to them wasn't okay because I've done I did it once and Jesus like it went down like an absolute shitstorm and actually I think he was right because it I don't know I could see the way they were looking at each other and it was almost like a win for them really yeah it just that was just my reality on it yeah that's why this is the thing and this is why it's so good to discuss this kind of stuff because I think in some scenarios like I can't help it like I I can't help but be like do not speak to them like that like and they oh I feel like sometimes they appreciate it and then James sometimes does go oh shit yeah like I shouldn't same the other way around it's not always him it's obviously like sometimes like what you're perfect sometimes I'll be like getting stressed normally about like being on time or you know leaving on time making sure they're out the door and he's like George come on now calm down like they've got this they've got that it's all fine um but i guess that on the whole if you are united like you have that you you won't let them play each like play you off against each other um but yeah i don't know i yeah oh god as with everything it's so tricky isn't it we'll be right back after this short break

15:40welcome back to this episode of made by mamas now where were we Partner and I have very different parenting styles. We never used to argue before we had our son, but now we argue all the time and it's usually over parenting. Partner is always glued to his phone to the point where he zones out completely if our son is trying to engage with him and leaves the TV on constantly when he has our son so he doesn't have to play with him. I'm very much into imaginative play, reading books, very little TV and barely touching my phone around our son as I try to be as present as possible. Yes, this isn't always 100 % possible, but watching my partner doom scroll while our son tries to hand him toys, saying, Daddy, over and over to get his attention until he finally gives up and walks away just breaks my heart.

16:28I've tried talking to my partner to explain he is missing out on so much and that I don't want our son to grow up thinking daddy is more interested in his phone than him but I just get called a nag how do I approach this our son is almost two oh firstly that is so hard I I really do hear you and I think lots of people listening to this will be nodding their heads because I think at some point we've all been guilty of either experiencing that or realizing that we're the ones that are doing it as well I mean I know I have like been on it trying to upload something on Instagram or trying to reply to an email and one of the kids had said I thought you were listening to me reading and at that point I wanted to chuck my phone out the window because I felt so guilty so if it was if it was me I would rather than pointing a finger and saying to your partner you know you're always on your phone you're never present you're not engaging with our son because that can really come across as an attack I would maybe try something like this I would say so I've been having a think and I've realized that both of us are probably on our phones a little bit too much in the evenings is there a chance that we could for a couple of nights a week put our phones in a different room and try and be present with our son before he goes to bed and whether that's you know kind of you know doing an activity with him or you know maybe reading a book together or just having a little play and a roll around whatever it looks like just be there without phones so that we can make the most of it before he goes to bed so at that point you can't be called a nag because you're saying that you're noticing that you're doing it too and you're in it as a team I think if you come at it from a different angle you could be accused of being accusational it could get defensive and it could turn into a slagging match and then when you're just the two of you maybe just say listen I really don't want this to turn into a big hoo-ha and I'm definitely not trying to be a nag, but these are very precious times.

18:20And I, you know, you are on your phone a lot and I'm just wondering if there's another way around it because it's making me feel X, Y, and Z and just take all of the heat out of it. I'm hoping that your partner won't be able to respond in any other way apart from with love at that point and just go, maybe there's a bit of realisation. But I think when they feel like they're being attacked, that's when the problems come in. Yeah, no, definitely. And I think it sounds like you're, you know, really coming at it from different, like opposite ends of the spectrum. him you know like he loves the tv on he's always on his phone like all that kind of stuff and you like don't ever have the tv on you really don't like screens like you love imaginative play and the thing is he doesn't have to love the things you love like he doesn't have to be into imaginative play or crafting or anything like that it's almost like helping him find his thing with with your son like whether that be listening you know cozying up and listening to an audiobook or you know whatever where it is that there's so many other things that you can do maybe he's completely shattered and that's what he's saying to you I'm so tired that you know I haven't got it in me to do him I'm like that sometimes I think oh my god I do not want to play barbies or whatever but come on yeah be a cat like that's the worst isn't it um meow um um and then you know but I'll say oh come on let's lay and read a book or oh let's put whatever on alexa and listen to this story like i'll do something else that requires less energy um but yeah i just think it's finding somewhere in the middle that works and just carving out like a bit of quality time because that's the thing isn't it like we i think is it like 20 minutes a day of like undis like not interrupted yeah time is like enough um so yeah i think yeah it's so have the conversation sooner rather than later because otherwise it's just going to turn out to be an absolute hoo-ha and that's not what you want but good luck let us know yeah let us know someone's here said um oh my god yes please the issue has been so bad for our relationship and no matter what um we do not agree um we argue in front of the kids and it happens all the time with our children when we're trying to regulate their big emotions and it drives me crazy right okay I understand that totally so there might be something going on with the kids and one of you is trying to handle it one way and then the other one is trying to handle it a completely different way and then suddenly the argument is between the two parents rather than trying to deal with the kids big emotions it's mad isn't it yeah I definitely get that like eye rolling and I hate it's like right deal with it your way fine and it's like why are you turning against me or why am I turning against you in that moment we need to be united do you know what I found because we've definitely been guilty of this before and we both agreed like we don't want to get into this situation anymore where like it's just got so heated and we've actually not dealt with the problem that we're trying to deal with um having a code word oh yeah yeah or like a look or something like pineapples exactly because it almost just like resets the whole situation brings everything down but also just acts as a reminder of like listen we this is not about us we don't need to argue here we just need to deal with what's in front of us we can talk about it after but let's just like try and bring this down and help the kids rather than like disagree with each other because you know you are going to have different ways of dealing with these things in moments like that like it's horrible to see your kids you know flying off the handle having a tantrum you know whatever age you're at you know slamming doors screaming and shouting like it is really really really difficult and don't forget men are solutionists they want to hear a problem deliver their advice and find a solution it's like a to b to c wrap it all up in a lovely package and sometimes that isn't reality especially when it comes to kids and big big emotions like half the time and i know that i definitely feel like i don't want a solution i just want to be heard i want i want it to be i want it to be held in a safe space where i know that the person that i'm talking to namely does isn't going to go i'll tell you what you need to do you need to fix it like this because then i'm like well no you're just for growing me your fucking advice and actually i just want some i just want you to hold it yeah it's like i think I think actually that is quite a big piece of the jigsaw puzzle that, you know, if you if you can just be there and just support that person or support your kids in that moment without it becoming.

22:54Oh, hang on a minute. You're not even listening to my advice because then it just becomes a standoff, doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah. No, totally. And I think things can get so heated that you almost just need to focus on what you're dealing with rather than like bringing any of your emotions into it. Yeah. um there's one here which is interesting and I guess we're not quite there yet well I guess you sort of are with Isla should we be following the same parenting style we always had until we entered the teen years oh my god I know this is so interesting yeah yeah this is from Jodie um I mean we definitely don't have the same parenting style we do when it comes to the big stuff but yeah um I'm I'm I'm trying very very hard especially with Isla to kind of encourage Doz to see it in a slightly different way to be it's really weird actually because sometimes he's very relaxed about things and then sometimes he's super strict on other things which is quite confusing for me I don't really I think that changes quite a lot um like what sort of things Like, for example, going out, you know, at a party.

24:05I won't go into details, but we hadn't realized she was at a party because she was at her mum's. And then there was this incident that happened. And I thought he would react in a very different way to be more kind of compassionate around what happened. And it was met with, well, if you go to a party, then you have to expect things to happen and go wrong. and I was like right well what what do you mean yeah that's not you could yes you have to be able to hold that you've gone to a party and you're 12 but at the same time that doesn't mean that stuff can go down and we can't be there to try and sort it out and then he did try and sort it out and actually kind of did full circle on it but it was an interesting first reaction and that's the type of thing we have those conversations a lot of the time it's like well if they get themselves into situations take going out for example right yeah what age did you start going out into bars i'm really young me too uh i think do you know i want to say i was like 14 maybe even younger than that 14 let's just take 14 as an example yeah do you reckon that that will happen in 2028 with our kids 2029 i mean no i don't think so because the id situation is stricter now than it was then but do I think that stuff happens at parties like with alcohol and things now yeah I do like I think that still happens yeah um yeah do you know what like I think it's so interesting I think I mean I've told you this haven't I so I've got two friends um and they're kids at the same age they are both 13 about to turn 14 so it's like that age of i mean we were going to bloody blue orchid in croydon when we were 14 like jesus and one of them their child is i'd say way younger and i would not expect them to be going to a party and drinking and i would not expect that.

26:08The other one to me seems really mature. He is mature. And if he did go to a party and drink, would I be surprised? No, no, I wouldn't. But my best friend, I think would be surprised because sometimes I think she's forgotten what it's like to be 14. And it's so interesting because now me with a nine-year-old if at 14 I found a vape would I think it was my teenagers yes I would because we had like 10 sovereign or whatever the old um yeah the old packets of 10 the old Benson and Hedges yeah exactly bloody loving it yeah in your blazer pocket yeah like and we and the thing is as well like you know all the lies that I remember having like a packet of matches or something like in my and I got suspended from school for having them and they yeah and and like I think for years like my mom and dad obviously are not stupid and would have been like well you've been caught with cigarettes and now matches like definitely know what you're doing but I think for years I was like nope nope no no not me but it's in but it's so easy like to have these like because I would you know I'd normally be like oh have the conversations before they hit teenage years and work out if you're on the same page but I just think until you're in it you don't know like you don't know how you're going to be like you really don't so I guess going back to Jodie's question should we be following the same parenting style I think I I think on the big things yes but I think it's absolutely okay to have differences around the small stuff and you've got to be able to figure that out what it can't be though is you think one thing i think the other thing let's have a fucking massive barney blow up in front of the kids and you know and then suddenly the issue that the kids have brought to us or something that we've discovered has been knocked into the water and actually now we're rowing just because we've got different opinions yeah i think you only really discover things as kids shift through time and actually we i guess you know me and doz we definitely go up and down on these things some things we're really aligned other things we're really not and sometimes I think shit is that like a massive flaw in our relationship but I actually think it's okay it's how we handle off the back of it how we handle it definitely I just think I mean I feel like with the teenage stuff there should be some kind of like checklist of like have you had a conversation about what happens when your daughter asks to have her boyfriend stay over oh my god you should have all of these like scenarios and yes I know that when you're in the situation you're you know it can feel very different but I do think there should almost be like a checklist of things that parents of teenagers should have discussed and had a thought about before they come up because they're not always like in the moment decisions like they're almost the sort of decisions that you need to like take away go through all this you know scenarios what do you think because I I think sometimes our instincts are so different to actually when we've taken a step back.

29:15To raise. Yeah. We'll send you a list. We'll create a list. I mean, I don't know if we can create it. We can send it out for Christmas presents. Yeah. Lucky everyone. This one's interesting. I worry that if my husband and I disagree about discipline, but I back him up so the kids see us as a united front, that the kids will think that I don't stand up for what I think is right. I don't want them to think that mum just backs down and dad is the final voice. I am naturally calmer, more patient when he's too strong, snappy with them. I just want to defend the kids. But is that seeing the division more of a problem?

29:52But is then seeing the division more of a problem? Yeah, so that's really difficult, isn't it? This is like what I was saying before. Like this is actually what I was saying. I don't know. I don't listen I if I feel that that one of us has been too hard on the other one I I hope to think that I have the realization and go back around and apologize if but if but if it's happening there do I tackle it I don't know and you're saying that you would well I just I know what this person is saying like it I think that the whole thing depends on like for instance with James and I off like I know James like he's not as patient as me like I know that I know my strength is definitely being patient and he knows his isn't always right so he we have now had conversation where he's like if you think I'm being rude or you think tell me and so I do like I'll say no that's rude and then he almost has the reminder of like oh yeah they're nine and six you know like He sometimes will need that reminder.

31:03And so then the kids do see me like being like, no, that's harsh. Don't speak to them like that. And he might not realize in that second. But afterwards, he's like, fuck, I was really harsh then, wasn't I? Like, oh, God, like I didn't mean to be that harsh. But if you're part of it. That's your scenario. Yeah. If your partner doesn't. Yeah, this is what I'm saying. So I think you need to almost get ahead of it and have conversations about it. and like almost talk about like how you want each other to be in that situation so you not you might not agree like this you know he might be way stricter your way more relaxed but in order to get but I guess like the best result from it you need to like work out what the best case scenario is in that situation because you don't want to see him like behaving like that towards the kids you don't feel comfortable with it like I put like I really think standing up for what you think if you really strongly believe it like don't get me wrong I think sometimes there's things that you can just leave like you can be like oh we'll talk about that later but I think sometimes in the moment you want to stand up for your kids like and be on their side I don't know like no no do you know what I sometimes do yeah yeah sometimes sometimes if if if those sort of snapped at them or been, you know, a bit too hard.

32:26When he leaves the room, I go, oh, isn't Daddy mean? I go, oh, I'm so sorry. What a big meanie he is. And then they go, yeah, he's been really mean. I go, that's awful. I'm going to tell Daddy off. I'm going to get hold of Daddy. And then we have a real laugh about it. And I go, I'm really sorry. And that's awful. I feel so bad that I've said that. But I do do that sometimes. Don't tell anyone. Same. No, no, no. I do that. Or I'll be like, or I'll look at Axe and I'll be like, don't worry. He's just in a bad mood. mood yeah it's fine because you almost want to like reassure them like it's not their fault because listen I do the same like if I'm in a bad mood or if I'm stressed about something do I take it out on the kids properly like without knowing like they might go oh can I have something and I'm like oh just give me a minute you know like I could be snappy with them and I would want them to know oh don't worry like it's not your fault like yeah just in a bad she can't see it right now because we are human like that does happen we're not like all walking around reading a textbook the other day and i know that that's happening as well because the other day when i look and i had an argument she out of nowhere she went yeah and everyone thinks you're really sensitive and i was like oh really who's everyone and then i was suddenly looking around i was like oh you've all been having a chat about the fact that i'm quite sensitive sometimes aren't you and i was like who said it and she's like no i'm not going to tell you and I was like I know exactly who said it and I was thinking so it's happening it's probably happening both sides exactly yeah listen can't be perfect all the time do you want to finish up yeah there's one here stepdaughter finds the structure across two different homes difficult no rules with mummy in her words yeah that's difficult isn't it because yeah there's another household involved and okay I'm I'm living it I'm breathing it the only advice that I can give to you is you have to continue to be consistent in your household.

34:21Yeah. Okay, because that's the only thing that you have control over and, you know, a moment to try and make a difference and make a change and make an impact. If you start thinking and constantly tearing yourself up about what's going on in the other house or, you know, you've got to make it as easy, the transition as easy as possible. And your house, your rules. I hear that a lot. And I'm like, you're not there. you're here with us and this is how we do things so you may talk like that or you may act like that or you may you know behave like that there but that's not what you do when you're here this is what we do here and you know that because you've lived here for 12 years so yeah you get that and and and do you know what that is that is it yeah at no 100 yeah i agree because you can't control what someone else is doing so you can only control what you're doing in your house so yeah and maybe try and talk to the talk to your is it your stepchild about um you know how that makes her him or her feel not having any rules and like you know what she likes about it what she doesn't like about it and you know try and kind of get in to the ins and outs but what you don't want is there to be back and forth you've just got to kids like like their boundaries they like the reassurance they like the safety and if you're providing all of that you're doing an amazing job yeah absolutely oh yeah that's a good one to finish on yeah me too thank you so much for sending in all of your amazing questions and thoughts around this subject we knew it would be a good one but I've really enjoyed that conversation today George me too yeah great and also really good to just like hash these things out and like talk about them yeah because when else do we get the time to give it some thought as always we'd love you to rate, review, subscribe and please give our podcast a follow yeah and if you've got any feedback on this episode or topics you'd like us to cover on these Friday Q &As then drop us a DM on Instagram.

36:10We're on at Made by Mamas and we'll be back on Tuesday.