Friday Q&A on Marriage & Parenting with Judgey James

0:00Hello and welcome to Made by Mamas the podcast. I'm Zoe Hardman and I'm Georgia Dayton and And this is your parenting safe space where no conversation is off limits. With five kids between G and I, we have seen a lot. We really have. Each week we'll be joined by some famous faces and experts and we'll chat about the brands and products that have saved us along the way. In short, we're the parenting podcast for you. Before we get started, hit subscribe or follow so you're the first to know when each episode lands. And they're on Tuesdays and Fridays. And it really helps if you leave a rating and a review.

0:33You can also find us on Instagram. We're on at Made by Mummies. But for now, George, should we get into it? Welcome to Friday's episode of the podcast. We have got Judgey James here for his third episode. And he's already messing around with my setup and winding me up. Mummies sound good as per usual. Like, I didn't ask for this. I've been doing this for nine years. I don't need his input, but here we are. And look, he can't just leave it. If any body language experts are watching this, tell me what's going on. Because, look, adjusting my microphone. That hasn't been adjusted for, I don't know how long.

1:14It's been like that forever. Obviously, it's not good enough for him. Welcome to the podcast, Judgey James. How are you doing? No, you can ask me that in a nicer way. Welcome to the podcast, Judgey James. No, James. James, how are you doing? I'm very well, thank you. How are you? I'm good, thank you. We've actually had quite a manic day today. We've had to take the dog to the vet for his flea and worming. He's had to go to the groomers. Our air conditioning broke on our car, so we had to take the car in, all while we're supposed to be working. And this is our first recording in January. It's a new year, so Happy New Year is officially the new year for us.

1:59Zoe is still away so that is why you have got the two of us today So you're just saying that I'm just like plugged in just because Zoe's away Not that I've actually had this one scheduled in as a special episode No, no, you are definitely just a, you know, just a second But anyway I'm sure, I'm sure I was scheduled in for my very own episode Right, okay, apparently No, that is not, that is not I think you've probably heard me say this before. I'm not a backup dancer. Well, in this instance, you absolutely are a backup dancer. And normal service will resume. I'm actually just looking for the questions because we've had loads.

2:43But we're going to do... Do you know what? I love how you put up such a lovely photo of me for the questions. I cut you out. No, no, no, no, no. I tell you I cut you out. There we go. Look at my varnet. I cut James out because for the last, I think since we were 24, So you're 27 now. For 13 years, James has moaned about his hair in every single photo I've ever posted. And thank the Lord, he's actually having a hair transplant finally this month. And I cannot wait. And that sounds really mean. But he has been banging on about it forever. And I, quite frankly, can't look at any more before and afters from this doctor and that doctor.

3:25So it's actually happening. but let's get to the questions that people have sent in because they seem to be interested in your opinion here we go this is a good one what are your pet peeves uh what do you mean by pet peeves and what in what do you mean what situation what scenario i reckon probably like in home life in home life in home life pet peeves uh you not putting lids on things properly that is that's one that's right up there actually you had a go at me for not wearing my slippers that is another one not not wearing slippers in the house white socks on yeah just white socks outside or on floors so you have to float around if you want to wear white socks no you just don't wear white socks you wear your bare foot or you wear a pair of slippers.

4:20Right, okay. Anything else? I feel like you've got a lot. Quite a lot. Yeah, James is quite strict on rules and regulations. Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't care if you don't wear slippers around the house, but if you've got white socks on. I don't have white socks on today. They're cream. Okay, well, they're a light colour, aren't they? Right, yeah, fine. Okay, I think James will keep going on with his pet peeves. The other pet peeve is seeing children in school uniform still at last season. That really, I don't understand. Not like in terms of, no, I'm not judging you by going, you know, if your kids have got swimming, one kid's got swimming and, you know, you have to just go straight from school and your other child stood in school uniform.

5:10I mean, like kids walking around the streets at like six o 'clock, secondary school kids stood in school uniform. I just don't get it. So get yourself home. Get home and change into your loungewear. No, just get home, get changed. And also, why are you roaming around the streets? Right, okay. Well, my pet peeves are James has very high standards for everybody else around the house, but he doesn't know where the dishwasher is. So he puts his plates and bowls above the dishwasher. It's like he gets so close, but just misses at the last minute, like doesn't quite get the dishwasher door open, doesn't quite get the plates in.

5:52That is my pet peeve. I leave them on the side. For me to do. No, who said I'll do them all in one go. No. Oh, there we go. There's another one. Today, he goes to take the bins out, but he just takes the recycling bins out. I put them at the back door. Almost, almost, almost, almost gets outside and leaves them by the back door. Like doesn't quite finish the job. Like almost. Because I know that I need to do that. But that's a one-touch. That's a one-touch job. That is a one-touch job. That is not a one-touch job. Anyway, let's move on. That's quite a big one. Here we go. This is a good one. Are you patient with each other?

6:28No. No, I must have been. What do you mean? I've been with you for this long. That's the dog. I've been with you for this long. I must. I don't think you're patient with me at all. I don't know. You, like, for instance, say I'm, like, gone in to, I don't know, pick up a takeaway or something. Say we're getting Nando's. He'll message me after five minutes, like, are you killing the chicken? Are you plucking fur out of it? My gosh, Quincy, why are you barking? He wants to sit on my lap. Let him sit on my lap. He actually really prefers me, doesn't he? Am I patient with you? No. No, obviously not.

7:06I think I'm quite accepting. Yeah, I think that's what it is, actually, now. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's the right word. We're accepting of each other's isms. Isms, yeah. I'd say. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's where we are. Georgia, what electrolytes are you using? We both use electrolytes every day, don't we? Well, I actually have always used electrolytes. Okay. Have you? Well, obviously. Oh, yeah, for sport. But no, we just use them every day now, don't we? I wonder if they're different, the sport ones. They are. Oh, they're? They've got sugar in them. the ones you used to have had sugar in them that's why i don't have those ones i have the arter cellular hydration and it's actually one of the only like you know like when you start on like a wellness thing like oh i'm gonna do pilates every day i'm gonna do it it's one of the one things i have really stuck to like every day for it's over a year now um but i've done oh my gosh stop i have to go and put him in the house in a minute how much time do you spend together actually probably not loads really i don't know we're like everyone used to call us harold and hilda because we did everything together and like we would have like matching dressing gowns and we were definitely old before our time weren't we like we lived a very grown-up adult life when we were really young oh my god i used to go and put the house because it's annoying we'll be right back after this short break welcome back to this episode of made by mommas now where were we yes we used we lived a really grown-up life very young and we used to spend all of our time together didn't we like yeah all of it we didn't really have anyone else when we were moving around so it was always the two it's always just the two But now we're more like ships in the night.

8:57Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, we spend obviously every evening. Unless you've got like work. Yeah, unless I've got something on. And if I work from home, then obviously we'll see each other a bit more. Yeah. And we try and make the most of the days that you work from home sometimes, don't we? Like, whereas, well, if I left you to it, you wouldn't come out of the office for a glass of water or to go to the toilet. but I make him like come out for breakfast or go for a lunch break or something like that. Yeah, true. Yeah. So yeah, not actually as much. I wouldn't say, yeah, I wouldn't say so to answer that question.

9:33Probably not loads and loads of time together. Best men's underwear. Best men's underwear. so this is going to sound really really um i know what's the word like a bit wanky yeah um but i would only i bought uniqlo boxes and i say six months ago but prior to that i'd only ever worn calvin client underwears underwears underwear underwear underwear underwear underwear and you don't like the Uniqlo boxes. And I remember actually before that I bought a pair of Ralph Lauren and I just wasn't feeling them so yeah it's always been only Calvin Klein. Do you know what though? The Uniqlo ones are okay. Yeah.

10:32They are alright but I just don't think you can go wrong with Calvin Klein. Yeah. And I think if you I love a bargain and I love like I just think I think you can get Calvin Klein's at the right time TK Maxx they always have yeah that was quite difficult TK Maxx you've got to get you've got to get in early yeah you've got to get in on the restock ban quick I just think there's always like sales on now yeah Amazon I bought you some on TikTok didn't I yeah it doesn't know do you mind being called Judgey James no you are judgmental I'm not judgmental makes me laugh I've been called Judgey James I'm actually not even that judgmental what are you then you're like you have rules I don't have rules they're not rules are they not rules I'm not like a dictator no you are but for yourself like it's called discipline discipline it's very disciplined yeah yes I don't have any discipline discipline day that's it there we go there's a couple on our marriage so someone has put how did you guys manage to get over your marriage crisis but I don't think we've had a marriage crisis maybe I don't know unless maybe we gave across that we had definitely had like huge bumps in the road like where we don't get on yeah definitely yeah yeah for like long long periods not long yeah long periods I wouldn't I don't know because then you've got to define long periods but you know it could be like a month two months three months where like we're just not like that nice to each other yeah yeah and like everything yeah we get to that don't we sometimes i think we're much better at that now where we used to like let things build and build and build and then we just would be like cross with each other all the time and be competitive with each other about everything but i do think over the last you'd be finding things to have a go at me about yeah I wouldn't.

12:40You would. Over the last year, I think we've been better. I'm consistent. Yeah, consistently. Annoying. But, yeah, I think we've got better. I think we've just grown up. I don't know if anyone else feels like this, but we don't have any huge issues in our marriage, do we? Like big things. Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, I don't want to say that, oh, marriage is amazing. No. No, because it's definitely... No, it's not. I'm not saying it's not, but it's not like I'm like, oh, my God, Georgia, I love you. They're the best. No, we're not like that with each other. But I don't know. If I've got a problem with you, you'll know that I've got a problem with you.

13:25Yeah, I know. And then you'll turn around and say, oh, what's your problem? And I'll say, this is my problem. Yeah. but I think in terms of like communication we're loads better now I also think communication is key yeah and I also think if anyone's listening to this with really young kids like that's when we found it the hardest because I think you're like overwhelmed and like all of that with young kids and it is a lot more and then now as the kids are getting older I think we have way more time without realizing that for each other and just talk and like stuff like that I would say make time when the kids are a lot younger like it sounds like a bit cringe and that doesn't it and so like stereotypical but you have to make time for each other so we used to go away didn't we when the kids were younger so we would just go away for a weekend and that was actually like really nice looking like looking back on you think oh yeah you don't you don't realize how nice and important it is until obviously you're out of the other side so i would say definitely um yeah make like make time yeah um for one another someone's put here tips for having a long happy marriage please we've actually been married for how long 12 years no yeah it's coming up to 12 years oh yeah it'll be 12 years in april no april's official um but i think that this is like and i I say this to loads of people and it's not like, oh, we're the oracle of marriage because we're definitely not.

14:55But I do think you have to allow people like, you know, that no one's perfect and you have to like accept things about each other. Yeah, definitely. And that you can't change each other. But also that you do change as people. Like intro you. We are not the same people that we were then at all. I am. Yeah, you actually probably are. Oh, God. but you do change and priorities change and it's not going to be. I just think there's a lot of stuff out in the world and online that paints marriage as like skipping through the fields and all of that. And it's just not that. And I think the secret to a long, happy marriage is like being accepting that it's not always going to be perfect.

15:45But if it's more good than it's not, then. And also it's really not that deep. like it really isn't that deep if like i i get it i'm gonna sound like contradicting it but my pet peeve is that you like yeah you do all the things that you do but at the end of the day it's really not that deep no it's not it's just a silly little thing it's just something that you do yeah and then you end up just getting just getting on with it do you know what i mean it's like yeah it's like when you go mental about you didn't put the dishwasher last night oh my god i'm like yeah all right just put it on now yeah what's the big deal yeah it's like really roles of reverse with us because i used to do like i used to be a lot i'm not just like no i wouldn't say tidy i just be a lot more on it on about things yeah whereas i've actually obviously i have my things where it's like wear slippers yeah like don't run outside in white socks don't walk around the house like in light socks even though the floor's clean yeah but in terms of actually like someone's left their jacket on the sofa or that annoys me who cares all right i'll just pick it up and put it away yeah it's no big deal yeah i think it's letting go of the like small things yeah in a marriage and like just looking at it and also i find it quite funny some of the things I think on one of the last episodes as well, it was like, what does Georgia do?

17:17And I said, oh, can I speak about it? I'm like, why do you have to bring it up again? There's new listeners who won't have heard that. I know you're going to bring it up again. I know exactly what you're going to bring up. It's so awful. I actually don't do it anymore either. No, I do. I do. I actually do. I do. I do. What? I don't care. What are you going red for? Because you're going to embarrass me, but that's fine. I'm up for it. It doesn't matter. When you wipe your bogeys on the side of the car seat, Yeah.

17:48But I actually think that's quite funny now. What's to do when you're driving and you don't have a tissue? I'm not going to open the window. Roll the window down and flick it out of the window. Am I? Why not? I don't know. It's not going to land on someone's windscreen, is it? But what if it did? Oh, shit. It's not going to land on the windscreen, is it? I don't know. How big is it? God. What job do you have now you've retired from football? Oh. I can plug myself you can plug yourself go on

18:20so I am an insurance broker for well the term is it's private it's called private clients so it would basically be anyone that uses a broker for their home insurance car insurance if I don't know you might have a lovely watch collection you might have a a lovely engagement ring that might need insured a wine collection so you basically insure high value thing high value items yeah so if any of but you still do football like football players now oh yeah I can do yeah so yeah so part of my clientele are musicians footballers athletes and then you know part of the clientele are just yeah yeah high people ultra high net worth people yeah um so if you ever need um any insurance just give me a shout do you miss playing football professionally yeah i get asked this actually quite a lot i've really it's all it's all i've known since yeah i don't know well i went full time at 16 and started playing when i was four so it's all i've ever known you cannot be waking up and going to play football with a group of mates like you can't beat that but i don't know you know but if you like football if you like football yeah so yes i miss that aspect but then do i miss actually the whole the whole thing probably not as much as what i thought i would yeah so do i miss playing football professionally yes i do yeah yeah but it's not as bad as what i thought it was going to be it's been a lot easier to transition and I get my whole weekends not as many sacrifices now no there's not yeah that's exactly it yeah you're spot on there's a lot of people saying do you still do sexy Sundays how well are sexy Sundays going want to do the same they're not going well at all so you don't people you don't even know about sexy Sundays of course I know I'm not stupid oh you do oh okay because every single Sunday I'm like oh here we go oh I actually get in a response yeah I'm not stupid because that was made up by me that wasn't like a like a joint thing that we decided when we talk about it I'm like if there was ever a time that I am actually up for it it's a Sunday because I'm not like running to the ground by everything else like nearly don't talk to me this is the thing but that's what I don't understand it's like don't talk to me well don't talk to me but I know the way you are it's like Monday to Friday Friday no yeah I'm a bit more it's a bit more now oh oh hi but you know I don't know I just find it I sort of get it I sort of get Monday to Thursday I sort of get it I do sort of get it do you know what it is and I was actually talking to my friend if you want to do it you're in the mood to do it just do it what's like what's holding what's holding you back maybe I'm disciplined no do you know what it is is i was talking to a friend about it this morning uh it monday to thursday you have your commute like you have your little bit of time to yourself to like decompress and not be like everyone on you like oh whereas i don't i come straight out of this home office and walk across like the little patio bit into the kitchen and i'm straight the kids are in there and I'm straight back into that.

22:18And so then everyone there asking me for things and then you walk in the door and you want to ask me for things. Oh, definitely. So when it gets to like nine o 'clock, I just want to lay in the bath in the dark and not talk to anyone. So the thought of having sex makes me like, OK, oh my God, I don't want to be touched. That's what it is. They call it touchdown. Yeah. And that's why I bring you up and peppermint tea while you're laying in the bath and just leave you to yourself. You do, I know. But on the flip of that, But why just because I have the commute time to myself? Where do you have that decompressed time?

22:55Yeah. I don't know. Listen, I might just be making up excuses. I probably am. That's fine. Let me go to some more. Okay, it came off the question.

23:11Is your wife better at pad room than you yet? I think we all know the answer to that. we don't really need to know i am absolutely horrendous terrible i have a six-week course private lessons i threw everything at it i'm terrible and that there's nothing else to be said i remember before so at our paddle club you get a rating so it's like between naught and seven isn't it or something and i remember saying to james oh god i wonder what rating I'm gonna get like he's gonna be really low and he's oh don't worry they don't give anyone below 2.5 like no one gets the number 2.5 you'd be all right and I got 1.8 and when I go on the app to see who I could play against it is literally like 80 year olds like I wouldn't even say 70 year olds I think they're even out of my league so So, yeah, it is not going too well.

24:12Terrible. But I said that to you. Yeah, you did. He actually said, even if I had a lesson every day for three years, I would still be worse than him. And the thing is, it's not. That's not. I know. I'm not stupid. I know. But I thought we'd have a joint hobby. Yeah, that would be nice. That would be very nice. But so far, golf? I show you a little bit of you know yeah a little bit a tiny little bit I think probably got more chance with golf yeah I think we've probably got more chance with golf the only thing is golf is actually so it's more technical that's what I'm just finding baffling I don't know 24 hours together no kids and 500 pounds what do you do?

24:59I lost that question that's such a good question go to the casino red or black then you double it that's a good start I don't think I've ever been in one I've been in one I don't gamble 24 hours there's two things depends you've said right I know because I'm trying to think£500 I'd either go away somewhere for a nice one night somewhere we used to go to Soho Farmhouse and I think those rooms were like 300 pounds and something like that and then we'll be able to get dinner yeah that's a nice thing to do that's a nice thing to do or but you've got to get down there has a car already got charge or petrol yes so maybe something like that a night away is nice but also if you've got no kids at home you could instead have like a massage or something at home and not have the pressure of having to get dressed up or go anywhere.

26:04I love that idea. So who's coming, what are they massaging you with like gold oil or something? Well, no, but two massages, what are they at? 200 quid. 100 quid each. Yeah, so 200 pounds. Okay, you've still got 300 pounds. I don't know. Get a chef to come in. That'd be nice, wouldn't it? Yeah. Is the chef going to come in for 300 quid? I think on that Y-Hangry, yeah. You can do that for, yeah. There you go, Y-Hangry. Shout out to you. Cool, 24 hours. Or just go on a nice day out. that's also a really nice thing to do like yeah we never we're never tourists in our own city like we rarely no we're a bit we're all right we're not too bad at doing that yeah but you could do that we love i mean like i i think you could go i don't know like fight like to wales or something like that drive to wales and have like a nice day to find like a mad beach around there or down yeah that's what I mean but why are you they're asking us yeah I know so what are you going to do then because you still don't ask I do I'm like I my favorite thing in life is a massage or facial so I'm going to a spa somewhere you know when you think at home or a spa somewhere no somewhere I think yeah yeah yeah and I love getting into a hotel bed and I love room service yeah I love all of that that is like my I'm doing that at home hopefully the 500 quid will stretch to a nice hotel with a spa that is what i would like as yeah you know like when you think about things you like love like love love love like you say you love playing paddle you love playing football like things you really enjoy doing yeah i don't think i enjoy doing anything that requires moving like i really don't think i do when i really dig yeah no that's what i'm actually thinking i really don't i i mean i like reforma pilates i mean i like weight training i like it it's okay i like a run when i get home but even if i get deep in my body when it is my body feel happiest it's like in pajamas under an electric blanket in laying down with a cup of tea like or having a massage or a facial like there isn't any other time when my body's like oh yeah this is nice yeah that is yeah i don't know what that says about me so so spa spa and a bar just relaxing and i don't even care about leaving the room either just no no no don't leave the room just like just stay in the room that's lovely Nice robe, slippers.

28:42Maybe. Love it. Is it a Sunday? No. Oh.

28:50Would, here we go. Best places to book a holiday to the UAE? Well, we've been to, we've only been to what? Dubai and Abbey. Dubai and Abbey, yeah. We prefer Abbey. Yeah, I prefer that, yeah. Over Dubai. Yeah, it's been a children. Yeah, I mean, to be fair, we have had some amazing times in Dubai. Oh, yeah, on Mill, yeah. But you've got to think that's probably what? Ten years ago. From ten, yeah, no longer than that. When did we first go there? Well, we started going there probably before we were married. Did you? Probably. So, yeah, we do like it. And I think you can't beat the service and, like, all that stuff.

29:32But he's got so busy. like when you go out like we used we never used to like stay in the hotel that much did we we'd go out every night to a different restaurant and we loved that part of it but now it's really busy and that's what we like about Abu Dhabi is that well we've been so many times and not even left the hotel yeah um we just like you get really well looked after the restaurants yeah service Nice, hot, safe. Kids get a lot of freedom. I think that's what's so nice, especially for parents when you're on holiday. I think it's so important for them, actually, to have freedom. I think when we first went, Axel was like five, and he was going into the sports bar and ordering his own lunch.

30:16Yeah. And we didn't know. But that's what I mean. It's quite like, yeah, like a bit of freedom, a bit of responsibility. Making friends. Yeah. I don't know. But you're in a safe environment, knowing that, you know, They're never going to probably just get told off for being in the wrong place by themselves. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Nothing else is going to happen to them. Yeah. But we've been to, well, we've been to the Ritz in Abu Dhabi like four times now. We're even thinking about going again in April. I just really like it. But there are so many other, like so many other nice hotels.

30:51That Jameera on Sadie Island was really nice. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we like Abu Dhabi, but I've heard really good things about Doha and Oman. And there's, yeah, I mean, we like it for relaxing, like a relaxing holiday that's not a super duper long flight, six, seven hours. It's manageable. Yeah. Would love more tips from the head of laundry. I don't know, but I need a bit more. Who's that from? Beth. Beth. I need a bit more. Specifics. Yeah, specifics, really. I mean, I've got all sorts up my sleeve. I need more specifics, if I'm honest. Probably need my own, maybe just my only episode, maybe. Do you know what?

31:43James doesn't even do the laundry anymore, so this is a complete farce. I don't either. but we've so we've had a cleaner called Angela for a while and we didn't realize that she does laundry for our friends like puts it away everything and so we've that's what we've started doing now she does all our laundry and although you have actually said you miss it and so you've started doing a few loads haven't you I have yeah yeah a couple of weeks just uh keep my eye on you know but what okay let's do the the normal things that parents go like white socks grass stains oh grass yeah um grass stains yeah grass stains your socks you need to soak your socks but you don't soak your socks in hot water you soak them in cool water and you put in i actually put a bit of i use aerial gel because witch told me it's the best so i've got on actually on the area while it's dry and then soak them in but then i'll put in like um what they called oxy is it oxy oxy yeah yeah oxy white that's yeah oxy white yeah so i'll put like say like a scoop of that in there as well and then soak them for like two three hours before i put them in and then actually again the key is so oxy if you need to um i'm running out as well so if you want to send me any what the hell so you actually need to wash on a cool wash because again people think like i'll get stains that would be like boiling hot that actually you need to do like 20 20 30 degrees um and then i use sainsbury's uh non-bio powder because that is the best for white according to which um guys he carries a stain removal pen in his blazer pocket for work no i don't carry it in my blazer pocket in the work bag no it stays at my desk dandy it's called dandy run out dandy if you want to send me another one i don't think that's even a thing it is it's a dandy pen dan yeah dandy like he he loves stain removal that's your specialist subject I actually do love getting rid of stains I just I just do you know what the maddest thing is as well people feel like I need to wash my clothes need to wash my nose need to wash the clothes you actually don't need to wash your clothes that much unless you're absolutely kicking up a fuss like you hold up your jumper and it's proper reeking like proper stinky like why do you need to wash it you don't i like it to wash my clothes for freshen up i like no no but that's what that's why they bought out like febreze yeah yeah yeah it's like that's why um you see now like tfowl and people like that that they're actually yeah they're just refreshing like a steam up of the clothes rather than just chucking another load of clothes in through the wash like it's number one it's not good for the environment it's not eco-friendly so only wash your clothes if they stink or you've got a stain on them okay thanks for that james that was all right very insightful and tifo if you want to send me a refresher that would be unreal your dream thing is one of those wardrobes isn't it that you hand your clothes in and they're steamed and it steams it refreshes it yeah and then obviously then i will wash what i need to wash because it stinks or it's got a stain do you know what though axel now stinks doesn't he oh yeah don't out him like that he won't care he's proud of stinking he's not bothered he actually is quite proud of he loves it he actually has really bad bo um i don't know if anyone with like a nine-year-old has yeah yeah let us know because it's it is bad it's really proper pen and Yeah, your sister, James' sister is a primary school teacher and she said, oh my God, year five.

35:58Yeah, that's what she said. So maybe it is a thing, but that is something. We'll be right back after this short break. Welcome back to this episode of Made by Mamas. Now, where were we? Let's finish on this one. What do you find the hardest about being a parent now? oh good question

36:26do you know what I'm going to go really deep here as well it's like because I've been reading a few things you know it is it's now not so much about behaviour do you know what I mean brush your teeth yeah okay like sometimes we have to tell them But do you know what? You know, everyone thinks their kids are like amazing, incredible, right? I genuinely think we're so lucky with our kids. They're actually really, really well behaved and respectful. But I just think now it's me. It's not actually them. It's me. What do you mean? So it's my issues. So it's my, like, if they are, if they do do something and it annoys me or whatever it is, do I need to react?

37:24Do I need to react differently? Do I need to react that way? Again, is it really that deep? So I actually don't think, I think the hardest thing, so your question was, what's the hardest thing about? Yeah, parenting now. out the hardest thing for me parenting now is making sure that my kids see me in the best possible way do you know what i mean yeah so that he like i've got a son so i want him to view me as like like oh james you're actually in tears in your eyes i don't cry see james cries this is this is it you are i can see shut up you're such a donut um but i want him to be like yeah that's my best mate like that's do you know the relationship yeah it's a relationship oh my god and i actually i think that is it now it's like having a good relationship with them like yeah i i get that i think but i've said before recently that i think the hardest hardest thing about parenting now is that it's not small anymore like it's not like oh do they eat cucumbers exactly yeah that's what i'm saying like i mean gg is a bit but um it's more about making sure they're a good person and they respect you and you respect them yeah yeah you treat them like i don't know and like not taking stuff out on them like that's exactly that's the other thing isn't it because then i don't want them to go to bed and go oh my god like obviously every like as the older you get as well yeah you're human you got oh i don't like daddy he's like wound me up or whatever but it's more just like actually take away if i just told them to brush their teeth and i've told them four times or whatever take away that do they actually like do they like me as a person do they respect me as a person do they like like i said does he want to turn around and be like oh like that's do you know i mean that's my best mate that's like you've got a good relationship yeah yeah i think that's what it is and i just think because i've like i've read about things where it's like you know from this age to this age you're their comfort blanket from this age to this age you're there you're um you're there sorry like safe space yeah safe space here here they they start to learn from your behaviors and all do you know i mean that i can't remember what it what exactly is but i think that's where that's the hardest thing now is parenting to yeah to make sure that you have a good relationship really because i just think that hold you in good stead for teenagers yes that is so true because i think then if you've got that good relationship you've got that mutual respect you know they can have a laugh and take the mick out of your things that you do like he probably already does and i can take a mick out of him or her for the things that they do then it's like an adult relationship in their teams that and they're happy to be around yeah do you know we've been sending so we've got friends who are quite a bit older than us like maybe what like 15 16 years older than us we've got quite a few friends who are around that that age and they've all got older kids so some of them have got like kids who are 21 20 like that kind of age and it's really interesting to be around like say from like 16 16 to 21 and it's really interesting and like i love that they want to be around their parents yeah like they're happy to be so cool like they want to be around their parents like they can talk to us they're like you know they're they're just decent fun people and but there is still the level of respect like that there's lines that aren't like they're not really crossed i'm sure but they want to spend time with their parents they want to still be away with their family and like ultimately that's like what we want to build yeah we want we know that you can't always be best friends with your kids sure but we want to build that family that you want to spend time with each other yeah definitely yeah yeah I think we can finish there that's nice yeah I mean you've covered a broadcast three times and cried and we're nine years in actually I have I cried once I've not cried I don't know you had tears in your eyes you said Becky Becky our producer who'd fear I do not lie Becky she's nodding she's nodding oh what a liar well anyway thank you so much for listening and if you didn't enjoy this episode Zoe will be back next week so we won't get it you know what Zoe thanks you're done but if you did then please like, review, subscribe to the podcast yes all of those bits all the reviews do actually really mean a lot and so do the subscriptions so please please please do that and if you've got any feedback then drop us a DM on Instagram we're on at Made By Mamas and we'll be back on Tuesday Any other questions, you can DM me as well if you want to know any other questions.

42:40Thank you.