Friday Q&A on Surviving the Christmas Madness!

0:00Hello and welcome to Made by Mum as the podcast. I'm Zoe Hardman and I'm Georgia Dayton and this is your parenting safe space where no conversation is off limits with five kids between G and I we have seen a lot we really have each week we'll be joined by some famous faces and experts and we'll chat about the brands and products that have saved us along the way in short we're the parenting podcast for you before we get started hit subscribe or follow so you're the first to know when each episode lands and they're on Tuesdays and Fridays and it really helps if you leave a rating and a review You can also find us on Instagram.

0:34We're on at Made by Mummers. But for now, George, should we get into it? So am I speaking to the Grinch or am I speaking to Mother Christmas? Where are you at? I'm not the Grinch. I'm Mother Christmas. Me too. Yeah, I love it. I mean, you know, actually, I do love it. I do love it. At this stage, it usually gets to the 15th and I don't anymore. So I'll tell you what I am developing, though, is severe heart palpitations and anxiety. and that is because of I feel like there is so much expectation and pressure on us at this time of year so not only do we all have full-time jobs as parents full-time jobs as like keeping the home and you know making sure the kids get to school and they're you know the right uniforms and Christmas jumpers and stuff the nativity learning all this and then you chuck on having to essentially make Christmas it's like it's another full-time job so I'm finding that side of it quite kind of like shit have I done this and every time I write a to-do list and actually one of the school moms said this to me she was like I sat down and wrote my to-do list and I actually brought on more anxiety because I realized how much stuff I have to get done in the next 10 days two weeks yeah I know what I was just saying to you I thought I was really organized with Christmas presents and then I just wrote a list and I've still got 13 people to buy for and that's actually the minimum because I'm not including James's sisters and their partners so actually that's another nine on top on top so that's like 22 22 more people no no no no no no no yeah that is that's the reality I think that we should probably all get to like obviously buy for the like your parents and who you know your kids or whatever but like anybody else I'm just saying to do you know what we're not gonna do presents this year and I think that's actually quite a nice thing to say for me No, I think so because you're actually giving someone the gift of time by saying, let's not do presents.

2:29You're actually gifting them some time back. That is essentially what you're doing. I do it with my friends. Like we've done that for the last, I don't know, it's been quite a few years. I want to say it's probably been nine years that we have decided to not buy other things anymore. No. Because it's just an added thing to do. But also, I'm focusing on gifts, but I'm hosting like for three days. I haven't done any of that yet, although I have got my mum. You've got to be careful because there's no Ocado slots left. I'm not an idiot. I put my Ocado slot back in whenever they came out. You're joking.

3:05Of course. If you've got a smart pass, they tell you. I've got one on the 21st, the 24th. My mum's got one on the 19th and the 23rd. Do you know what? This is the difference between Georgia and I. I'd love to know who's in Camp Georgia and Camp Zoe right now. Because if I was in the UK, I'd be going, I'll tell you what, Doz, maybe next week, let's book our Ocado slot and there'd be no fuckers left. Yeah, I mean, to be fair, if I look in my Ocado shopping basket. Oh, here we go. It's really got riveting, guys. Let's go. And it's visual. There's two candles in the basket. That's it. So, you know, I have good intentions.

3:47And then I don't. So at the moment, we're going to get, yeah, two Dalesford candles delivered. Oh, and some chocolate coins. You can't take somebody's slot for that. There we go. Go to the shop. I will add in. I don't know when the cutoff is. I've got, you know, until Friday the 19th, I've got to amend it. So that's a problem for next week. We'll deal with that. That's a them problem. That's not a new problem right now. What we thought, obviously, we're talking a lot about Christmas because we are on the countdown. We thought we would check in with you guys because it is obviously quite a stress-inducing time of year some people absolutely love it other people hate it then you chuck in illness as we mentioned nativity plays all the stuff for the kids present family dynamics family dynamics we've been talking a lot about gifting and actually you know for some people that's not the biggest stress at all yeah it's the dynamics of family or you know getting across the country or you know being around people that you don't necessarily like to be around maybe um so yeah we have got lots of question i saw a stat the other day which said apparently it takes three hours and 54 minutes for somebody to become pissed off and want to get away from their extended family so four hours guys and you are out the door yeah i think that is that's i'd say it's less than that but you know on a serious note though last christmas um we had and i haven't really shared this but we had the worst argument with my mom when we went to Kenya and it was pretty fucking horrific we had to leave the house for a couple of days it all booted off and I was so so sad that that had happened now I imagine lots of people listening to this conversation would have experienced a family dynamic or a family argument um that didn't end well so I have I think it's really important as well if that is your reality and you don't get on that well with your family to really have a conversation with yourself before you get there and set your intentions around what you want to get because nobody wants that sort of drama and dynamic on Christmas day in and around the festive period I've definitely said that that whatever happens I'll just bite my lips swallow hard vape aggressively and exit the situation yeah do you know what I was just gonna ask you what are your thoughts on like family dynamics at Christmas so you know this is the first year actually for us like my cousin Noah is married now and so he's now spending Christmas day with his um wife and her family but it got me thinking because with me like James and I we've always spent it with my family because we lived away so everyone used to come to us including his parents and stuff and then the last few years we've done Christmas day one year with mine boxing day with his and then swapped it around but but it's got to a point now where we don't want to do that because we love what we love about Christmas is the whole thing so spending Christmas Eve together then everyone's sleeping at one house then we've got Christmas day together as well getting up in our pajamas you know being around my cousins the kids bit like the kids being with my cousins and my mom and dad and like all of that your family yeah my well being with one family essentially and then then getting up on boxing day and then hanging around in your pajamas more and basically not moving around and we're like but then that's really unfair because then we're spending would be spending one whole Christmas with one family and not seeing the other family and it's only just come up this year that we're like ah that's what we stopped enjoying we we hate going from place to place yeah we just want to stay in one place and I don't really know how you solve that but the only the only way you solve that is by doing one christmas with one family and the other christmas with another family the following year and you know i know that lots of people if i start thinking about that i know that i'm in a really privileged position because we go to see my mom every christmas yeah this year we're hosting on the 20th for doz's mom and his sister to come around and we do fakemas so that we can celebrate christmas you know do it five days before but I think you know what every family is different I do think when you put so much in the diary that you're rushing around from place to place that can ruin it and actually maybe we should all just be a bit more selfish and say you know this is what we're doing please come and join us if you want but if not we're going to stay in one place I don't know is that realistic I don't know I don't know either because this is the sort of conversation we're having at the moment we can't work it out you know like is Christmas the time to be selfish I don't know I mean I don't know I'm not sure what the answer is I'm not sure what Jesus would want.

8:28Maybe we can ask him. If anyone knows him, please let me know. We'll be right back after this short break.

8:37Welcome back to this episode of Made by Mamas. Now, where were we? Let's kick things off. I'm going to start this off. This is from Ruth. Managing kids' expectations, emotions, dysregulation, as well as my own. I don't think you're alone with that one. I think the managing of expectations is something that can get so huge where it is built up and built up and built up and then suddenly it's almost too much for them. You know, I remember looking at my kids on Christmas day once and they were just ripping, wrapping paper off and throwing the present to the side. And I suddenly thought there is way too much stuff here and I'm never doing that ever again.

9:16I have to manage their expectations around it. And you even said to me, George, you're only doing two or three big presents and the rest little things in their stocking that actually, you know, this sort of like endless present giving and you know it's going to be like this it's going to be look like that it's just too much for them yeah it's not enjoyable it is and also that they sort of just it goes because they when they get something amazing that they love one thing or two things they can really like you know enjoy them and play with them and appreciate them when there's too much they can't like it is overwhelming and it's the same not just with presents but with things to do as well if you're going and doing an experience every other day it isn't that fun anymore and it isn't that special like if you're going to see five different santas to me that it loses all of its sort of magic yeah magic because it's too much like i actually really love at christmas that lots of people are off so you can just be more present and you can just have those days that we always sort of long for, like just in pyjamas, just hanging about the house.

10:23That's, yeah, that's what I look forward to. Yeah, for sure. I think anybody listening that is worried about that as well, don't forget to schedule some time in for yourself. Even if it is stepping outside the house and going for a walk for 10 minutes around the block to go and take some fresh air, get away from the madness, get away. It's always really hot as well in houses. Do you notice that on Christmas Day? It's absolutely boiling, the heating's up. And that for me just promotes more like anxiety and sweating and like I've got to get the fuck out of here to just make sure you set those moments for yourself don't feel that you have to be pulled from pillar to post for everybody else apart from you yeah and planning something for you to look forward to as well if you've got some time off work then yeah like 100 % if you can do something for you for you um I've just laughed because someone has put narrow cardo slots left what is wrong with people what's wrong with people is they've got two candles in their basket well yeah and me and my mom planned so we have four combined and that planning takes place in september so that is what's wrong with people no in all seriousness i'm with you sophie it is wild it is wild that you have to be that um organized but i don't know i guess i have a weekly slot i have a slot every week anyway so it's no sophie get yourself down to the shops you'll be all right yeah and you know what quite A lot of the time they're empty because everyone's booked in a cardo slot.

11:46What's empty? The shops. Oh, God. So it's fine. It's good. It's a nice place to be in the shops because no one's there. Oh, I thought you meant the shelves were empty. No, no, no, no. I was thinking that's fucking shit. That's not a nice place to be. No, whenever I've gone out on like Christmas Eve or whatever and gone into like M &S or there's no one in there. It's empty because everyone else has like done it and, you know, they're at home. Take a podcast as well. We'll have a lovely time. Yeah, that is actually quite a nice thing to do. Zoe said here, I am exhausted, in capital letters. How about that exhaustion?

12:22A question for you, George. What is your reality like every single day when you open your eyes at the moment? How is that feeling?

12:31Yeah, it's a lot. And I think this time of year, it just highlights how much more, in general, women do. it's in every household that I every anyone I speak to I mean I probably know one person and in their family where the husband is doing the shopping like one person out of everybody that I talk to in every other house it's always the same it's your you know the the woman if they're you know if that's the relationship yeah is is doing the food shopping is doing the Christmas jumpers is buying the teachers gifts is doing all of that because in the past they've gone okay cool I'm not doing it you do it and then it doesn't happen I just think how funny how interesting not funny because I don't think it would be funny I just think how interesting would be if we didn't do it like what would happen what would happen on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day that is a wild thought to just think maybe maybe we would have all of these theories blown out the water and it would all be done and it would be absolutely perfect maybe i'm not willing to risk that because i don't want my kids christmases to be ruined forever do you know what was really interesting i've got to share this last night i was going through the what's the kids whatsapp group for the school and i was like all this information is coming through isn't every single day about what you need to bring in and timings and stuff and i was like right have i got all my ducks in a row.

14:01And then I looked on it and looked who was in the group and I didn't see Doz's name. So I put on the group, I said, would you mind adding Doz in just to share the mental load? Anyway, that night, last night we got into bed and I said to Doz, I said, oh, are you, you're on Luna's class group now? And he was like, yeah, what is that? What? And I was like, you know, I got them to add you in. He was like, why would you do that? And I said, because I think it's important that you share some of the information. He goes, I've got to be honest with you, I'm just not that interested. And I went, me fucking too, mate.

14:31Yeah, you have to be. Me fucking too. Yeah. See, I haven't put James in those groups because I don't trust him in those groups. Because he would say, can you fuck off? Or like to the woman, I've said it all before, there is a woman in our class WhatsApp group. In fact, she might not actually be there because I haven't had it this term, where every bank holiday she says. Oh, yeah, yeah, the bank holiday woman. in school yeah he would go like you know what are you doing who are you what how do you not know you know he would lay into people so I have to keep him away from those situations I just thought it was such an interesting mindset to think I'm not interested I am not interested we're not either not interested not one bit but yet here we are yeah here we are handling it all I don't yeah But is Doors interested in like decorating the house at Christmas?

15:28No. No, not at all. Actually wants it to be done. Yeah. But doesn't do it. Yeah. So loves watching me and the kids do the tree. He loves watching us, you know, put the decorations up around the place and takes a lot of joy. Like when we did it a couple of weeks ago, I looked at him and he had like definite tears in his eyes. He gets very emotional around it. So he loves that moment, loves going to get the tree. but that no that's not his strength that would be something he would James no he's very much into outdoor lights now which is very annoying because he's so specific about the outdoor lights and all weekend he spent leaf blowing while I put up two trees like you know did wrap you know all the normal useful things at christmas leaf blowings like he decides actually i won't do that i'll blow all the leaves away um so yeah he does like it but he's i don't know his focus is probably not on the magic leaf blowing is like them holding their giant dick yeah i'm not fucking joking seeing dozer doing it and spinning around with this phallic leaf blower i'm like this is your new x-rated porn site and i tell you what i bought james one that not only blows it also sucks yeah blows and sucks blows and sucks and actually i did say it chews to fucking hell what's our life oh god where are we gonna go next lots of people are saying no i'm drowning i feel like i'm too busy to be excited the expectation from people is so overwhelming doing so much I actually don't want to do.

17:14That's interesting. Come on let's just dissect that George. Yes what is the fascination with everybody saying oh we must get together it's Christmas when you haven't got together maybe all year. Why do we have to get together around Christmas and why do we then have to fill our diaries so much that when it gets to Christmas day we're absolutely wrecked so we've had her on the podcast before my lovely friend sj me and she is brilliant in this space as in here comes the hardcore newsreader who like gives it to you direct but i'm so grateful for her honesty she's literally like we're not doing anything with anybody if we see you then great but we've all we want to do is be together as a family i love you loads we'll catch up in january or february next year and i'm like great and she's like if i see you and i'll pass across and that's great and if we've got a few things I'm not going to plan anything and I'm not going to show up to anything at the moment because I just cannot do it and I just I'm just like kudos to you fair play I agree I I really do like I think you can get into that thing of like oh we've got to be out we've got to see this person because it's Christmas or we've got to see this person before it's Christmas and actually most of the time everyone's thinking the same yeah I've got it with my mates like I've got you know as you know friends that I've known since I was like what 13 14 and we you know we see each other quite a lot anyway like I saw Lucy last night like you know like I see her a lot anyway and we've got in our diaries this Sunday we have our Christmas like day night together and we've all been like really skirting around the issue you know like well what should we do should we do the Ned Carrolls oh yeah we could or maybe we should just spa date no one has been into it and then one of the girls last week said i don't think any of us are into this are we let's just do something in january and everyone's like yeah yeah yeah brilliant good idea good and yeah and that's great that's proper friendship that you can say like oh you know what i love you but i don't actually i don't i don't have you seen that episode of friends where chandler goes on a date with janice and really doesn't want to go on another date with her but at the end of it he's got this verbal diarrhea rear where he goes oh my god what a great we had a great time should we do this again sometime and she goes yes it's the same around christmas where we we almost speak to each someone on the phone and then at the end of it we go oh it'd be really great should we get a date in before christmas and everyone goes oh yeah no yeah it is it's it is odd it's really odd and then i guess then there's the other side of it when you see everybody out doing nice things and you think oh should I be doing those nice things but no but you can't have it both no and you're in your nice warm house and you're getting eight to nine hours sleep and you're like oh this is this is the right yeah exactly um samantha's put too many school events why with a crying emoji oh my god so this this is a confession so tonight is kit's nativity play and I am hosting a book launch for a very good friend of mine so I will not be there and this morning I point blank lied to my child eye to eye and he was like I can't wait to see you later mommy and I said well I'll be there but you won't see me because I'll be at the back of the church and then I've got to run because I've got to go to work so I said to Doz that he's got to take some videos and just so that you know pretend that I'm there like oh I loved it when you you know your hat looked great and then if I'd said that and he wasn't wearing his hat he'd be like I wasn't wearing my hat but I just think sometimes it sets you up to fail putting in a recorder concert for 2 30 in the afternoon on a Thursday when they're not even they play one shoot one note off tune no yeah but then what we're supposed to do we can't not go I know I know and also like this there's so much isn't there like I was called this like wreath making there's a pantomime there's a something else there's a something else and I totally get it like to people who are on the PTA like it's a good time to like raise money for the school but I actually think it's probably a time where people are maybe short on cash and maybe like those events could be spread throughout the year rather than all focused at Christmas because then people would have more time and more money and probably the uptake would be better they cancelled the Christmas fair this year actually yeah well because the uptake over the last couple of years has not been that great so it's almost me feel sad yeah I know because it but I do think it's this whole thing with everyone's so busy people are spending so much money already they don't want to go to a school fair and come home with like load of toot and it's A load of what?

21:58I'm going to bore it. Toot. Toot. Toot? Yeah, rubbish. Toot. Toot. Toot. Yeah. Tat. Toot. Toot. Have you never heard that? Tat, toot? I've never heard of it. I've heard of tat. I've never heard of toot. Oh, I don't know. I've always, well, there he goes. Okay. Thanks very much. That is a real word though, right? Toot. It's not, it's like a slang word, I think. Oh, Georgia, thanks for educating me. That's okay. So when people buy me a present this Christmas, I'll put, ah. load of old toot. Not more toot, thanks, love. Yeah, there we go. I'll find out where it originates from. You're so cute. We'll be right back after this short break.

22:38Welcome back to this episode of Made by Mamas. Now, where were we? I love all the social stuff, but absolutely can't be arsed with the shopping and wrapping. See, there we go. There's our opposite. We can't be arsed with either of it, actually. I love that, though. I quite enjoy the social stuff. I'm going out tonight and I'm quite looking forward to it. It's a bit of work, but I'm looking forward to seeing all my friends. Like that does top me up. Like if it was just all the drudgery and none of the fun, I do think you have to have a bit of a balance. No, of course. Yeah. But it's just saying yes to things that you actually don't want to do, I think.

23:11Do you think that Christmas can bring up stuff for people? Like you said, Doz gets quite emotional at Christmas. And I think James gets It's quite, I'm not saying he didn't have all the magic when he was young, but I don't think he did. I don't think his family made like, they didn't make a huge deal out of Christmas, but I think he thinks what we do is over the top. And he can't see the point in like all of this extra stuff. And I have to keep explaining to him that, well, this is the magic and like, this is the stuff they'll remember. like you know okay the elf who's a pain in the ass but that's magic to them every morning like that is what that is it's not just like an annoying extra thing that's actually kind of even more important than the presents to me anyway like it's the fun and the magic yeah and actually what a gift because not everybody's Christmases look like ours and I do think about that you know I was I was dating somebody in my 20s who didn't celebrate Christmas and every single Christmas day they would go down and volunteer at soup kitchens and you know they would work at homeless shelters and they would really like give their Christmas up to other people and I often think about that my reality as a kid was the magic of Christmas you know there was it wasn't about all of the presents and all that kind of it was just it was so special and it was such an important family time yeah I could cry thinking about it because it just is my dad all over and everything that they did so when I first met Doza he didn't celebrate Christmas he wasn't into it he you know there was no stockings and there wasn't lights and there wasn't a tree and he just didn't get it he almost didn't think that we should do stockings he was just like oh you know like what and now he's a complete Christmas convert so it does it definitely brings up stuff but I think that's probably that will probably be the biggest gift I give to him is it give to him is is really not forgetting to celebrate those moments yeah I got like I totally agree and I think when you think back about your Christmases it like you're it's not about the gifts and actually it's not about Christmas day it's about the lead up like it's about always having like a bowl of celebrations on the side and like you know just all like chestnuts and like all the little things that you had that made it feel like Christmas and that's what I try to replicate me too but James is now like loving one in the outside lights and all that kind of stuff but I think at first he used to be like oh why are we like why are we doing all this this is so over the top like they don't need all that let's just get them stuff that they need and I'm like no because that's not the point that's not the magic it's not the magic it's really not we've had a couple of people message us saying that they're pregnant 16 weeks pregnancy sickness and managing toddler working and all Christmas prep I feel like I'm failing oh no you're not oh my god you're not you're the superhero you are the superhero and i think we all need to remember that but actually it is not based on this perfectly curated christmas on instagram it is not based on you know the inverted commas perfect mom at the school gates who's got her shit together it is not based on you know the john lewis christmas advert it sometimes it's messy sometimes it's it's sad sometimes it's chaotic and that is okay too you know you are doing your best you're 16 weeks pregnant you've got a toddler like fucking hell give yourself a pat on the back and if you could a shot of tequila yeah yeah no you can't do that don't do that no but it is it's so true and it's just I guess the theme like among everyone who's pretty much sent in their um in their questions and statements and stuff is all around this overwhelm and no one feels like they're doing it well enough and good enough and it's that's sad like but we are the thing is we do all feel it at certain points but i think we do have to have a little chat with ourselves um and remind ourselves like what you actually remember about like the festive period yeah and those family traditions actually i think they're really important you know the the writing the father christmas the the the list and we used to burn it and put it up the chimney and do all that kind of jazz those are the things that I remember because we had a fireplace inside.

27:31They put theirs in a little Santa's mailbox and it's sitting there and they're just so excited. We've got a countdown to Christmas. It's like a wooden toy that you can change the numbers on and then we count down to it. All of that sort of stuff. It's small and it doesn't cost very much money, but actually that's what's important. So if you can, just take a moment to breathe and think we're all in the same boat, especially Georgia and I and everyone else. This is this podcast because we're all a bunch of legends and reach out anytime if you feel the overwhelm. Yes, 100%. And also like switch off the noise that, you know, if your algorithm on social media and stuff is feeding you all of the like days out and overwhelmed, then, you know, switch, switch, switch it off.

28:12I just want to finish on this because I think this is quite interesting. Six year old, one year old and hubby who manages to escape for his hobby and nights out. What the fuck? Someone else has put, I want to come back as it. I'm coming back as a dad in my next life. I mean, shout out to all the dads that listen to this podcast. We love you too. My dad still, he's, I don't know how old he is, 73, 74, something like that. Every year since I probably was, how old would I have been able to go to the shops? 12, 13. Every year since then, on the 23rd, if he's feeling grateful, will send me a message or say, can you get mum's presents for me, please?

28:53Every year, without fail. Oh, that's irritating. Every single year. and this year I'm like can you let me know like a bit earlier this like let me know a bit earlier this year so then he just starts sending me links like link link link link link and I'm like no no no no no no and so every year I buy my mum's presents from my dad I love him so much if I didn't love him so much I'd be really cross with him for putting more work on you George but yeah good old Billy uh thank you so much for sending in all of your questions all of your statements around this festive period as i said earlier on our dms are always open as always we would love you to rate review subscribe and please give our podcast a follow yeah and if you've got any feedback on this episode or guests you'd like to hear from in the new year topics you'd like us to cover drop us a dm on instagram we're on at me by mommas and we'll be back on tuesday