Grace Victory on Surviving a Coma and Speaking Her Truth

0:01Made by Mummers starts in just a moment. After this episode, you should check out Life with Nat as they mark Carers Week with a special episode. Natalie Cassidy recently went back to school to get her Level 3 B-Tech in health and social care. Now on her podcast, she's catching up with classmate Tilly, who's been a young carer since childhood, supporting her mum who lives with advanced MS. It's a brilliant episode. Get Life with Nat lined up to play next and listen for yourself.

0:54This Father's Day at Lowe's, we have extra big deals for a very limited time, so you can get Dad the gift he's been wishing for. Get a free select Craftsman, DeWalt, or Cobalt battery when you buy a select combo kit. Plus, save$90 on a Cobalt 24-volt battery string trimmer and leaf blower combo kit. Now$129. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's. Ballot through 615, while supplies last. Selection varies by location.

1:25Hello and welcome to Made by Mamas, the podcast. I'm Zoe Hardman. And I'm Georgia Dayton. And this is your parenting safe space where no conversation is off limits. With five kids between G and I, we have seen a lot.

1:38Georgia Dayton: We really have. Each week, we'll be joined by some famous faces and experts. And we'll chat about the brands and products that have saved us along the way. In short, we're the parenting podcast for you. Before we get started, hit subscribe or follow so you're the first to know when each episode lands. and they're on Tuesdays and Fridays. And it really helps if you leave a rating and a review. You can also find us on Instagram. We're on at Made by Mummers. But for now, George, should we get into it? Well, it's Tuesday and we've got some, I mean, quite exciting news that happened yesterday. Yes, there is a social media ban for kids under 16.

2:14Georgia Dayton: We've got to talk about it on the pod today. Yeah, I think we don't normally talk about topical stuff, really, do we? We kind of just keep it, well, what's been going on in our lives, I guess. Light and fluffy. But yeah, but this feels quite monumental. Yeah, we followed Australia. I didn't think Starmer was going to do it. I thought he was going to back out of it. So it was a really interesting revelation when we heard the news. I went into a school last week and made a film for the BBC on misogyny. And I talked to some 11, 12-year-olds about the potential social media ban. And they were very against it.

2:50Oh, really? They were really worried that it was going to happen. And they said to me, because I said, oh, listen, I've got kids. I'm a bit concerned. And they said, for us, it's a lifeline that will be cut off. And I thought it was quite poignant that 12 year olds were realizing that. So I left I left it thinking, actually, maybe I'm thinking it's too it's too harsh. And actually, it's not all it's not all bad. But really, what they've come out and said, you know, actually, yesterday was that it's so addictive, that it's stopping them from doing their work, that it's stopping them from interacting face to face.

3:21that it's it's just this doom scrolling which is causing them so many issues and I think it can

3:27Georgia Dayton: only be a positive yeah no I'm with you and I think for us that coming from a place where our kids are too young to have social media yeah like for me I'm just like well that's great because I don't need to have that conversation now like it's out of my hands I feel like since the news broke I have been reading some other bits and pieces that I did actually screenshot one thing and this listen I haven't gone into it and we will well maybe we'll go into it and have somebody on the podcast but someone has basically said that in Australia it's not worked and that data shows that 60 % of young people are still on social media but just in a less safe space because they know they shouldn't be and so look someone's put when you're when you're banned from socials but still on it you talk about what's happening to you less so that is that is I hadn't thought of that at all until this morning when I'm when I was reading the comments and I think it's a conversation that you know is going to keep evolving yeah but my gut is that it's a good thing yeah I mean I hadn't thought of that part of it and we know so much from you know when we had people on to talk about online safety it's about the talking and the sharing that's what keeps kids safe I don't know like I don't really don't know now I'm like right okay this what's happening well it'll be interesting I think we should probably go on the hunt and see if we can get somebody on to kind of maybe from an expert perspective and also maybe a parent who's got a 15 16 year old yes yeah because there were also comments of like people who were like jet like brought up in a generation where they had social media and they're like thank god that's happening because I was being groomed as a teenager you know so you when you read that you're like great brilliant yeah interesting interesting interesting moment obviously we'd love your thoughts on it drop us a message if you've got any um any kind of deep feelings around i'm sure a lot of people will have yes but we do need to get into today's conversation because i'm desperate for everybody to hear it jaw-dropping absolutely yeah wow i mean i knew this her story from social media and you know just reading it on the surface but then when you've got her in front of you and you actually think about what happened to her and she tells it so well and all the moving parts and you know the impact that has on everyone around you is unbelievable and I think we said didn't we like that she is literally you could feel her strength in the room I know wow I literally feel like I could go out and do fucking anything yeah what are we doing George where are we going what are we conquering today or maybe we'll just go and sit downstairs and have a coffee and have some food yeah who are we talking to today georgia we're chatting to grace victory

6:18joining us on the podcast today a british writer presenter content creator activist and author who became one of the uk's most influential voices on body confidence mental health self-acceptance and motherhood she first built her audience on youtube and social media before moving into television publishing and public speaking. We are so excited to sit down with Grace Victory today. Looking absolutely off the scale good.

6:45Georgia Dayton: Yeah, for those listening, she's wearing like a polka dot Adidas. What do you call it? It's a pet plum tracksuit. Yeah. I am so jealous. Like a 90s kind of tracksuit, isn't it? Love it. It's a vibe. I absolutely love it. Thank you. You are looking amazing. Tell us about your morning. How's it been? Did school drop off, which other mums will know getting out the door is a lot. And then got ready and here I am. Quite a chill morning. Reading on the train up. How are you finding two under five? Yeah, so Kiki is three and a half, Cyprus is five. It's a lot. I also think the girl and boy. Yeah. It's just the dynamic is a lot.

7:39Yes. And they have full blown fistfights like on a daily. Yep. And my daughter is just feisty. Yeah. So it's a lot. I really have to like, I've learned to really regulate my own emotions before I try to attempt to regulate theirs. Because otherwise, they're crying, I'm crying. They're screaming, I'm screaming. so I'm like learning to parent myself as I parent them yeah which is hard yeah it's a lovely way of looking at it though isn't it because it's actually such a lot of growth from us because really we've had our whole lives to kind of try and regulate but it's actually only when we have our kids they're like why is that it's so annoying that we have to do it at some point

8:20Georgia Dayton: I don't think you know to do it until you have kids I don't think you know what you're doing Do you know what I mean? I don't think you know that you're not regulating properly because it doesn't affect anyone else, really. It might affect your partner. It's the loudness, the overstimulation for me is what sends me, sends me. And also, I don't think I ever was taught how to regulate as a child. And then you just kind of grow up and wing it and then you become a mum and you're like, oh. Oh, shit. You're faced with all of your shit, pretty much. What was your home life like as a child? Difficult.

8:55So I grew up around a lot of father violence, had quite a lot of childhood trauma. And I also went to performing arts school and that had its own issues in terms of like body image for me. So I had quite a difficult childhood. And I think that's also impacted the way I'm mum negatively and positively. So I really am learning how to be an adult with two kids.

9:22Georgia Dayton: Talk to us about how that impacts positively. So I'm really hot on like emotional wellness for my children and treating them as if they are human beings first. Which when they're screaming in your face, that is really hard to do. But it's like keeping them first in mind, like always. and I'm really big on like body boundaries, consent and just talking to them as if they matter which I think is like so important. So and I love the way I'm mum. I actually think I'm a really good mum but I think the difficult part for me is the regulation and feeling like touched out and overstimulated, overwhelmed by like career stuff and then also being a mum and just like the cooking the cleaning like the mental loads is a lot for me um but i i also really try and like do a lot of repair work as well so when i do shout or like i lose my call i always apologize yeah um and i think that that really matters i love the moment where you actually realize that you've maybe overstepped the mark a bit because i do the same and i really enjoy the process of saying I'm sorry.

10:41It's healing. It's really healing. I said the dog stole the remote again. By the way, this is number six that the dog has now eaten, my puppy. Six remote. We buy them in threes now because we're like, they just go. And I said, I shouted, Luna, you let the fucking dog eat the remote again. And I went, she looked at me like that and I went, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry that I swore at you. I was like, that's totally out of order. And she was like, it's okay, mummy, but you do have to put a pound in the jar now. Make it 10, don't you? Yeah. I've got another nine coming. It's been crucified.

11:11Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is a healing process, isn't it? Yeah, it's really healing. And I actually, yeah, I like the repair work. And it's humbling. It's actually humbling because I think children look at their parents as if they know it all, but we actually do not. Like, I know nothing. They teach more than I teach them, I think. So, yeah. And I feel like as well, I'm 36 in August, and I'm like, I don't feel, I feel 20. Yeah. that's great when does that ever happen when do i grow up no no i don't know i've got every

11:44Georgia Dayton: parents evening every like important decision or like i think it's i can make decisions for myself and like all those things when it comes to making decisions for my kids i'm like because it's a big deal who gave me this it's a big deal like what if you make the wrong one yeah i find it that the whole school parents evening so cyprus started reception in september so the school is still kind of new to me yeah nah the school admin what well I wasn't prepared no what's the hottest bit just like every message I get yeah the whatsapp the messages one pound for this please five pounds for this please I've got this today messy hair day odd sock day what yeah and there is so keek and so I was going to two different like education so I'm like okay I struggled with that the the overwhelmingness of school basically being a mom it's just hard you can say it on this it's so hard it is hard it's the hardest job in the world but I think as well like I'm quite open about that on my Instagram page because you know I struggle on the daily yeah you know I'd really try and change my perspective sometimes I'm like I don't want to struggle all the time but it is just hard and I think because they're still quite young three and five they are still you know little so I'm just kind of learning to like sit in the chaos a little bit because it is chaotic Grace you were mentioning about your childhood and that you there was a lot of you know father violence yeah how has that bled into your own parenting what have you taken with you from that um emotional safety is a really big thing for my kids and also physical safety and for them to feel like they matter because I think as a child I wasn't sure I thought that I was important or special um and I thought I want my children to be held first in mind like always and they are they run the roost um and so I will never say like oh I'm really really like grateful for my childhood but I am grateful that I was able to kind of use that pain for like my own purpose and I become the woman and mother that I am.

14:02I think sometimes when you're broken, there's then room for like growth. And so I think that's why I've kind of made the life that I have for myself because I literally, you know, came from pretty much like nothing. I was raised in a council estate, didn't have a lot of money. Like it was, you know, hard growing up. My mum did her absolute best. I think her kindness is also how I parent as well. Like, I don't remember my mum ever shouting, but I'm a shouter. It's like, channel your own mum. So, yeah. So, yeah, I think that's what I've taken. And just also, like, you know, my female friendships and just also my partner, Lee, is like the most incredible dad and man.

14:47So, he's also helped to heal kind of like the father wound, as they call it or whatever. And also, like, being honest about, you know, my own story really helps. um and yeah kind of yeah I want to be an example for my own children so I kind of go into daily life with that in my mind I think what you say about treating them like human beings

15:10Georgia Dayton: is something everybody can take into their own parenting because I think especially in the early days you can forget about that you can easily get stuck in the this is what I'm supposed to be doing this is what they're supposed to be doing let's just tickle the boxes and you know crack on but thinking of them as humans yeah I think that really does change how you parent um and even just silly stuff like I think about it sometimes with like the kids I'm not I'm not adverse to a duvet day if they need a day of school I'm really fine with it and I think about them as a human and I think, you know what, you don't need to be like temperature or like being sick everywhere to need a day off because you're a human and I sometimes need that.

15:57Georgia Dayton: And so giving, you know, I think it does, I didn't get that when they were as young as yours, but I have got that perspective now. It's the importance of rest, isn't it? Yeah. Especially I think as like women as well, like we are, I think, conditioned to just keep going and obviously being a mum, no matter what. And so that my kids would say, oh, I'm just kind of had to take five minutes to have a little rest. I'm like, yeah, you do that because I've instilled in them the importance of like listening to your body, you know, with like food and rest and what you need. And I think that's so important.

16:28We'll be right back after this short break.

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17:12Get a free Select Craftsman, Dewalt or Cobalt battery when you buy a Select Combo Kit. Plus, save$90 on a Cobalt 24-volt battery string trimmer and leaf blower combo kit. Now$129. Our best line-up is here at Lowe's. Ballot through 615, while supplies last. Selection varies by location. This week on Help, I Sexted My Boss. So, walked into one bar, got there and goes, stripped of boxes. I was like, ah. Avoid certain places like that. OK. I ask when he's available to go out, and then he ghosts me. Over a year of time and effort spent on this, only to be ghosted. I think he deserves a shitty message, if I'm honest.

17:52Peter Schmeichel. Oh, Peter Schmeichel. Schmeichel. No, Schmeichel. How am I being corrected on football players by him? Listen and watch wherever you get your podcasts.

18:07Welcome back to this episode of Made by Mamas. Now, where were we? Do they see you rest? Yeah. I'm really into reading recently. So I started reading in April as a way to help regulate myself. I used to read, I'm so type A, and I used to read... You're the third person that said that today. Stop. You are the third person who's talked about type A and type B. We've done three interviews. This is mad. I'm a type A. Right. I'm very type A. I'm a Virgo and I um I'm quite high functioning so like I don't tend to rest in terms of like sitting down doing nothing I have to do something so yeah reading and I think it's also being a trauma survivor um I might if I switch off I actually shut down like I can't do it so for me picking up a book is like how I rest really right so I started reading in April and I'm on my 14th

19:06Georgia Dayton: book i'm obsessed i'm obsessed that's how i rest that's like you do think to rest but you're resting the absolute best the top of your game extreme violence yeah so i that's how i rest and um you know always like we watch a film together yeah um but i'm also like i love a clean home and i like routine and my lists and stuff so i am high functioning in that in that sense but i do instilling them that it's you know it's important to rest and like sleep please sleep yeah oh yeah sleep's a thing if you ain't sleeping you you're out i can't function i actually can't function on it so yeah talking about trauma surviving yeah let's touch on the experience that you've had because reading it and kind of seeing it i mean both i remember it at the time i really remember it yeah so five years ago the height of covid i had i was pregnant and i caught covid and um so i basically couldn't breathe one day i couldn't get like a full breath in my body you know when you're pregnant you can't really breathe anyway because like you're restricted so i couldn't breathe properly and i just fell off and then i had a smoothie and like vomited and i was like right okay went to the doctors they had like a covid walk-in thing and they thought i had sepsis first of all because i had a really fast heart rate um and i just wasn't okay went to hospital had the covid test had covid um and then i had cypress by c-section but i actually asked for that to happen because they weren't going to remove him and i was like adamant i said you need to get him out of me because he was 33 weeks and i was like he'll be fine i know he'll be fine just get him out and so they got him out they got him out they had a c-section on christmas eve got moved to the icu on boxing day and then put in a coma on christmas day um to save my life basically and then it all went wrong so i had covid as we know and then i had a clot in my lung I had inflammation of the heart um and I just was not coping well with the infection when you're in the ICU you can just get infections from anything like tubes just anything so I was just getting infection after infection and then I went into cardiac arrest twice um and they said to my partner that they said yeah he she's gonna not gonna make it basically five percent chance of survival prepare for the worst if she does she'll be like brain damaged like they gave him like I wouldn't say they gave him no hope but I think as doctors you kind of have to be brutally honest yeah um but my family and Lee were like you don't know Grace you don't know Grace she's gonna make it and then I did so I had a tracheostomy put in so that's like a tube through the throat to open up my airway and that saved my life that was like the thing that kind of turned things around and then I woke up, there was no brain damage or like cognitive issues.

22:21I had a left-sided weakness and so I was paralysed on the left side but I couldn't really move anyway because when you're in the ICU, you're just horizontal for however long. I was down, I was asleep for three months. Sorry, how long? Three months. You were in a coma for three months? I think it was about two and a half. Oh my God. but I have no memory of the last two weeks if that makes sense so it was three to me um and then it was the recovery process which is like being a baby again like I had to learn to sit up I first sat up and I fell back down like a baby and you know walk talk eat again it was a long road to recovery and they were saying you know you might not be able to drive

23:06Georgia Dayton: again I was like honey that's not yeah like please and you might be able to wear heels I was like I have a really good shoe collection like I'm wearing heels again um and so I was just very determined to fully recover and I and I did and you're a new mom and I was a new mom and when I woke up my c-section scar was completely healed there was no like pain anything I was in hospital had my first period again after having Cyprus I was like what it happens that quickly um And then, yeah, so he was six months old when I came to hospital. Oh, my gosh, Grace. Yeah. Try and tell us what that's done or what that did to you and how, obviously, navigating new motherhood but not being there for those first six months.

23:56It was, I think at the time, I didn't know any difference. It was like I didn't know what I was kind of missing out on. I was obviously aware, like the first bath, the first smile, the first poop, you know? like I'd missed all of that but like I had nothing to compare it to it wasn't until I had Kimiko where I really realized what I'd missed and that was like a whole other trauma yeah I think having a second baby having another birth is trauma anyway yeah but just like recognizing that I felt lied to basically I was like they all lied to me they said I didn't miss much but I did and that was like a really big thing and I get it at the time you're in hospital and the nurses and the doctors they do this all the time like they're you know it's like nothing to them whereas to me I was like oh okay I'm not really missing much but I was so I had to grieve all of that and I was a second time mum but I was I was a second time mum it was my first newborn experience with Kiki

24:55Georgia Dayton: yeah it was just a lot I suppose everybody around you was probably so like happy that you were here still that no one was probably like oh this is what happened oh gosh this they were like you you'd have to wouldn't you like you'd have to be positive and just like it was a miracle essentially that you got through it was a miracle um and I remember like a few consultants coming around and telling me like we don't know how you are here and I was like well I am because I've got a child and I feel like a mother and the fight that we have is like a different level um and so I think I thought I was fighting physically but also fighting in my coma dreams which is the whole other thing.

25:44Coma dreams. Talk to us about this I was gonna ask.

25:46Georgia Dayton: Yeah. What do you know like this sounds so stupid but when you're in a coma do you have awareness? Yes. Right. Right but I don't know if that's like is that factual to me but i don't know if a doctor would say that's real that's true you had awareness yeah i had awareness i think i think they're trying to do studies on comas at the moment because they don't really know because they believe like the world believes when you're in a coma like you're just in a coma like it's darkness but it's absolutely not so i was like flying I went to Malaysia like I saw I and I I don't intend to say this like in a public forum because I feel like people think I'm really weird but like I saw God like I know what he looks like to me like the version of who he is I saw um oh wow I saw angels I saw uh heaven or like what I would say is like the reception area yeah god's waiting room god's waiting room um and so i yeah i i was going through a lot in my coma dreams and i think it's like maybe hallucinations or whatever it was but that happened to me and so i had to also wake up from my coma and understand that okay so i've been in this bed in norfolk park hospital for three months uh but i actually haven't been here like my soul was elsewhere did you have realization or awareness around death during that period did did you have any consciousness around the fact that you might have died because you said you were in the waiting room you said yeah angels yeah I was given a choice I was given a choice whether I could live or die and I I remember saying I've got a son what do you mean I'm going put me back right now and that's what I was like and that's how I am in real life and in my dream I was the same I was like absolutely not and then I went back I don't know and I tell people and they're like what I'm like yeah and also like I through this experience I've met other covid coma survivors and they had the same thing they had there was a lot of water in the dream there was like I was swimming I was flying and in our on our bed it it was a waterbed because it was easier to move us.

28:03And so sometimes I think I was making sense of what was happening physically in my soul. So I was in a lot of water because I was on a waterbed, et cetera, et cetera. And so, yeah.

28:19Georgia Dayton: We'll be right back after this short break.

28:27This Father's Day in Lowe's, We have extra big deals for a very limited time, so you can get Dad, the gift he's been wishing for. Get a free Select Craftsman, Dewalt, or Cobalt battery when you buy a select combo kit. Plus, save$90 on a Cobalt 24-volt battery string trimmer and leaf blower combo kit. Now$129. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's. Ballot through 615, while supplies last. Selection varies by location. This week on Help, I Sexted My Boss. So, walked into one bar Get there and goes, stripped of boxes I was like, ah Avoid certain places like that Okay, I ask when he's available to go out And then he ghosts me Over a year of time and effort spent on this Only to be ghosted I think he deserves a shitty message, if I'm honest Peter Schmeichel Oh, Peter Schmeichel Schmeichel No, Schmeichel How am I being corrected on football players by him?

29:22Listen and watch wherever you get your podcasts

29:30Welcome back to this episode of Made by Mamas. Now, where were we? What were you doing in Malaysia? I was flying. So in my coma dreams, I was flying through Malaysia. And I have a deep connection now, obviously, to Asia. I need to go to Malaysia. But a lot of my nurses were Filipino and Asian. And so in my coma dreams, I was flying and there was a beautiful lullaby, which is what I would recall it as. And then when I was in the ICU, I was awake cognitively there. I heard the lullaby. I was like, what? And they used to play me bamboo flute music, my nurses. And so I could hear it in my coma dreams or in my coma.

30:09Georgia Dayton: And so now do you like sometimes have a memory and you're like, oh no, that, that didn't happen. That happened when I was. Yes. I know the difference. Yeah. So like my coma dreams were like fucked up pretty much. And very intense. So I know the difference between them, but I had to like, they both happened. So the physical stuff was happening, but the actual, my soul was elsewhere. And I've had to like, I want to say I've had to be a piece of it, but also like that's what happened. That's what literally what happened. I was going to ask you around that because have you had to do any therapy around?

30:51Oh, no, babes, come on. So I've been in therapy. I was in therapy before this happened. And then I've been in therapy ever since. I've been in therapy since 2016. And when I could talk again, I called my therapist from hospital. I said, you need to come and help me. So initially I was having therapy twice a week for two years. And then now I'm having therapy once a week still. and it's funny because the last four years I would say was coma processing but now it's just gone back to like daily stuff childhood trauma and stuff I'm quite content as I can be with that experience um but yeah deep deep therapy work what about your partner yeah obviously the whole ordeal was my experience yeah but there's also my mum my sister my friends my partner yeah and also cyprus like my son like he is really aware of what happened um and he so like i'm gonna say this so basically my mom had him every week whilst i was in hospital just to help out lee my partner his dad and so cyprus would say to my mom oh mommy was in the sky he was like one she was like what and she was like yeah he's like yeah mommy was in the sky i know and so i never told him that i flew in my coma dream so he knew that and then two years ago so my third anniversary of when i died so christmas obviously a big trigger for me yeah and so i think it was like i don't know maybe like the 31st of december i said to cypress oh how did you sleep last night do you have any dreams he was like yeah I saw you at the tree with the the angels and the fairies and that's where I was in my climate dreams I went to a tree and so like he has his own experience of it he knows about my booboo or my neck or my voice is different um he is like really aware of it um and then obviously like Lee so my partner was a single dad really for like five months whilst also my next of kin getting all the phone calls every single day you know calling the consultant calling the icu having to relay what they're saying to my mom and my sister he has not dealt with it though so that's a whole other thing i think men do things differently so for him it was like going to the gym like doing all of that the macho stuff keeping busy actually keeping busy um he needs to be in therapy and i've told him that and he's he's fully aware um

33:27Georgia Dayton: and that's like his story to tell yeah of course yeah grace you just said when i died do you believe that you died oh i know i died yeah yeah yeah in a sense of like no cardiac arrest twice yeah my heart stopped i died and i was brought back to life by um dr sani um who yeah amazing guy um but also like i did actually die like spiritually emotionally yeah okay this is yeah 100 well before i was ill i was a different person and i've really that experience really changed my life in terms of like learning to rest learning to deal with my problems um and becoming a better version of myself. I think that had to happen to me, to be honest.

34:21And I would say, like, I just think I'm great. You are great. You are great. Like, when you come from kind of a difficult childhood and you really struggle with, like, low self-esteem and low worth and stuff, it takes a lot to kind of get to a place where you like who you are. And I think I'm great. Did a lot of that die with you? Yeah. yeah I think a version of myself I don't even recognize died and it's funny because I can't really even look at photos of myself before I had Cyprus because I'm like who is that person and I look so much younger I'm like has motherhood aged me this much how is that possible your skin is like snatched yeah I know I was gonna say you're like glowing yeah so yeah I I think it had to happen wow yeah god I mean I'd sitting in front of us now I just feel your strength like you

35:17Georgia Dayton: I yeah I'm quite sort of taken like taken aback by some of the things you're saying it's absolutely unbelievable yeah and it's I've never heard anyone say listen I'm great and actually it feels so good to have someone say that it feels great like to hear someone say that about themselves but also unpicking the trauma that comes around it you know we we think the way that we see it is just well someone's in a coma for three months and then they get back to their baby and life just carries on no i like shut my pants and stuff yeah so i stood up and like literally pooped myself yeah a bit like my labor yeah like it's it's the the stuff that you don't hear about is like it's wild like having to learn to like talk again eat a drink again um um yeah like I was I had like severe diarrhea for a long time you don't think about the recovery that's the thing it was that the hardest bit the recovery yeah for me I think it was just being away from my child um and the very it's a very early recovery when I was still like having I had a catheter I had the tracheostomy in that was difficult and I had to learn to like sit up and stuff and it was physically exhausting um and obviously learning to walk again like you think just walking is like oh just come so natural it does not come natural like it's really hard yeah um but the hardest part was actually coming home right because you're in hospital for so long you become institutionalized i was used to nurses 24 7 care one-to-one care like i felt safe because i was on um you know the the observations i had my pressure checked every day etc etc they wasn't gonna let me like you know perish or get unwell because even though they had to look after me so it was actually yeah it was coming home and being in the world I was like what what is this it was and learning to live again like like obviously I had to learn to walk again first of all but then it was like the cooking and like life and having a child do you trust your body again now oh yeah yeah yeah how are you how are you i've never actually felt betrayed by it weirdly right okay i think i felt betrayed in terms of like pregnancy and keeping the baby safe and i think a lot of mums can relate to that in terms of like loss um and like early birth and stuff like that but i think i was proud of my body really proud of it um and like to just to survive the icu alone is a big feat but i was in there for 98 days for icu and then i went to a normal ward and i went to rehab so it's like a long stint um and i survived all of that um and so like i feel really grateful i think i'm the healthiest now i've ever been in my life um and i feel it i feel really healthy um obviously i measure health quite differently to a lot of people so like it's my heart rate it's all that kind of stuff um you know I was on loads of drugs I was on fentanyl I had to be weaned off all of that I had a line in my neck in my groin so like I was really really unwell and then on medication for a long time I had to wean myself off it so I love my body and I trust it I think also being plus size as well comes with different you know different layers and nuances um but i like i will stand by it like my body saved my life obviously drugs and the nurses and stuff but i am so grateful for this vessel because it just got me through and you know two kids as well yeah going into your pregnancy with kiki yeah how how did it feel like going into it again and knowing that hopefully the whole experience was going to be different i just felt great i love being pregnant and i just feel so delicious like i just feel scrummy my skin glides my hair is so thick i loved it um and so i on purpose asked the same medical team as with i had with cyprus because i didn't have to explain every time i went in oh yeah i've got a really long history i died so i had the same team same consultant um and so they were just great I felt looked after I went in um at 38 weeks and I just felt a bit funny so they admitted me and I had high white blood cell markers and they were like right we're just gonna take her out tomorrow we should do a c-section just because what happened before like we don't know what's going on but your heart rate's fast so is hers and I had group B strep.

40:05So yeah, and then so I had a C-section with her, which I had to also grieve because I really wanted a natural birth, not natural, what's the word? I wanted a vaginal birth with her. Yeah, but also like I wanted to also be alive. Yeah. So, you know, but I went into birth and pregnancy with Kiki excited. I'd done so much work on myself and the trauma. and also I think that I it's like blind faith and optimism like I'm quite good at not thinking of the worst thing yeah because it already happened yeah like nothing really could go wrong in my mind I was like I've done it I've done the worst thing and I've got through that like it's going to be great and that's amazing that's amazing growth though isn't it because lots of people hang on to their trauma don't process their trauma and then they're forever trauma projecting because they're always thinking that the worst is going to happen again yeah I'm quite the opposite like I'm like the best thing can happen if you can think the worst you can think the best right yeah so I just kind of go into life in general like well I deserve good things you know I'm amazed by you

41:10Georgia Dayton: I am as well thanks guys yeah yeah yeah absolutely it's an incredible journey I also if it's okay Jordan I really wanted to speak to you about something that you've been open you wrote an article for Grazia yeah talking about the fact that you had an abortion after Kiki was born yeah can we because I don't think people discuss it openly like we've never spoken about it on this podcast we've been doing it for nine years lots of people do message us about we do have messages around it but they wouldn't necessarily go out and talk about it yeah why why did you well firstly if you don't mind answering the question why you felt that you wanted to have an abortion and why you spoke about it publicly I was just at capacity yeah I had survived a coma yeah um and that trauma and then with kiki i actually had quite a big a big blood loss and i physically was just done i just knew that it was not feasible for me and i actually called my consultant in a absolute like panic and said to her okay kiki's seven months seven months and i'm pregnant and she was like no no it's not it's not safe um and I knew that anyway but also like it was not mentally safe for me after Kiki was born I was back grieving Cypress's birth because I'd realized what I'd missed out on and I was mentally not well I was on antidepressants um and the shock of going from one to two was really big for me um and I just decided I I just knew that I could not have this baby um so I had an abortion and it was uh hell on earth traumatic physically and emotionally I took off time from work it was just a lot and it was also a lot because it was like this big dirty secret that you couldn't talk about yeah I told like my so my girls like I could tell them anything and they just they're like yeah cool but they just don't they don't judge me they don't um I guess have an opinion in terms of like what I'm doing with my life and decisions that I make vice versa so I told my girls um and that was it but nobody else knew um I told my family but it just sort of felt like it was this most taboo shameful thing in the world my body though and that's what I really struggle with it's my decision my body and also like I for me like I have been to the other side I know what it's like to literally die so I've got to be if my two kids are already earth side um and so it was actually quite an easy decision for me if I'm honest because my kids are held first in mind always um so I made the decision and I've had to sort of learn to live with it and be okay with it and I did the grazia uh article because it just felt like it was time so it's been you know three years and I wouldn't want other women to feel the way that I did even though I know that we they do and it's still a very shameful thing and actually when the article came out the amount of messages i got from women in the public eye also saying this happened to me yeah i did this recently um i was i was floored by it because you do feel like it's just you going through it it's still something that no one talks about and until you do speak to somebody else about it you you can have friends like super close friends you feel like they could never tell you yeah because in some in some places in the world it's illegal you know until we can lift the lid on this feeling that someone else is making a decision about our bodies for us women aren't going to feel that they can discuss it that scares me i've only been decriminalized in the uk recently that's scary it's scary and also like you're you know your story is you know quite dramatic and you had a health professional say to you it's not safe yeah for lots of women it's not like that it's literally like whatever like they're at capacity you cannot yeah or financial or you know emotional or not the right time yeah and actually i think women don't need to explain their decision no do they really it is your decision yeah and it whatever anybody says it's not always the right time but i think as a woman you're damned if you do damned if you don't what you do in this life you are judged and that is sort of just you know the patriarchy it's the way things are and like I was done and I think it's just I think it's kind of where I am in my life at the moment you know mid-30s two kids I'm kind of back into like my career flow um and I'm like done holding the shame around my body around my past around you know my trauma or decisions that I've made like the shame is not mine to carry and so during the article I was just like this is it and that's it and I've let it go and I did I I posted, we posted the story and then that was it.

46:17I didn't mention it again because I don't really need to, you know, like it's out there. I think it's done its purpose. It's quite cathartic for me. And I'm also proud. A lot of things that I do as well is like for my daughter. Do you know what I mean? Like I don't want her to grow up in a world where like I'm feeling ashamed of things that she might experience. Like absolutely not. So, yeah. I think the shame thing is such a beautiful piece in that. but actually it's about shedding shame it's not about holding on to it you know and we are raising these little humans and we want them to go into the world being like this is not my shame to carry if you feel uncomfortable with it that's on you yeah i make my decisions and i stand by them exactly i mean well um we we like to ask our guests for the best piece of advice that they would like to impart on uh another parent yeah something all the best piece of advice you've I think one of the big things is like you compare yourself a lot as a mum with people on social media like I'm in obviously in that category I'm an influencer or a creator and so I try and show the good and the bad because I'm really aware of like the eyes that could be on my page um but like don't compare yourself to other people because your mother her journey is different to everyone else's especially if your child doesn't sleep it's just different it's a different level you've got village your child's not sleeping through yet your child's teething additional needs eczema it could be anything um and like do your best and it's enough yeah as well yeah

47:47Georgia Dayton: comparison is the thief of joy yeah and you're so right because everybody not everyone is coming at it from an equal playing field absolutely they're really not no like it's so different when you've got like a village around you like parents whatever it's so different if you've got that sleeps it's so different if you've got good finances yeah like there's so many parts to it more than one i think sometimes like i was quite shocked with it when i had two i was like it's a different level yeah yeah yeah what do you mean yeah i wasn't prepared yeah so yeah i there's definitely not evil uh equal playing field at all um and i really want people to like be mindful of that yeah yeah definitely yeah yeah and products george products yeah let's end on a light note what products are you loving?

48:30Georgia Dayton: Your skin's glowing. Oh I love this. Okay what am I loving? So right SPF every day. SPF 50 I use La Roche Perse. Love that. I literally layer it on. I love road lip balms. Oh nice. And lip glosses. Is that Hayley Bieber? Yeah. They're really good. Oh my god they're really good. No I will. And then what else? that's sort of it i use a bit of medicube yes you know like you've got the collagen face masks and stuff i love them where you wake up and you're like right i'm ready to go are these your own freckles have you got a freckle pen i have my own freckles oh they're so beautiful thank you i'm gonna start when you see me next i'm gonna be um i've got my freckle pen that i've just been served on the tiktok shop oh yeah tiktok shop it's actually dangerous tiktok shop it's actually i just love shopping in general and i'm really open about this i i don't drink i don't smoke my advice is pepsi max and clothes and i'm okay with that yeah like i know that's why i tried to explain to my husband because he's like you're so impulsive with shopping like i don't understand it's really about like but that's where i get my buzz that's the dopamine like that is my buzz i wouldn't necessarily sorry for i i just love being a girl yeah i love clothes i love new hair products I love little trinkets oh I just love it I love it too I love gold I just oh I love it yeah you're in great company the joy yeah it brings me new shoes like I got these shoes from Arquette which I am I'm sorry do a zoom do a zoom because they're just so cute and they come in electric blue and white I'm buying them both I'm going to have all three colours yeah the other day me and my daughter Luna had like a 10 minute conversation about her new lip gloss lip balm and she was just like I love the colour of it look at the way it like shimmers when it comes out and I was like that's Tiki she's three yeah that's what I was going to say she is like it no she is fully my child yeah yeah yeah she's like so what shoes do we get today then mummy yeah I think I want three pairs sorry yeah but sure yeah let's go let's go girl I don't care what anyone says about you know girls you shouldn't just take them shopping and do it I love it I love doing it with my daughter why not like I love it and I'm so pleased that she loves it as well yeah and I think let them just be like girly girls and I'm really aware so Kimiko sorry to just go off on tangent Kimiko is the darkest one of all of us so me Lee in Cyprus um Kiki's the darkest one and she's a girl and so I'm really aware of like you know race and raising a dark skin you know girl in in the UK and so I fully fully show her like the soft girl life because babes like you're gonna you know you're gonna go out one day and see the world and it's hard.

51:21It's going to be hard for you because you are darker. And so I'm fully like, I'm giving her it all. Because I'm like, yeah, babes, come back. I'm your mum for a reason, hon. Let's wrap you up and let's have a fucking great time. Yes! We're out of time. What an amazing conversation. Grace, everyone! Thank you so much.

51:44Georgia Dayton: I feel like she should be running the country. Wow, I know. I feel like we should have asked her about the social media ban i'm sure she would have we had so much to discuss i know i just want to say thank you as well to grace because some of those moments in there you know not only is she sort of processing her own trauma which is so huge it's like to actually share those moments to actually go there with us you know the fact that she sat there and said yeah i did die yeah you know not being able to sit to be with her son for such a long period of time you know then having to deal with the abortion and write about that publicly you know there was so much in there it was really really honest and very grateful to grace for coming in i think she's um i think she's wonderful oh gosh so do i absolutely amazing and i really find it so so so cliche but like inspiring when you hear somebody talk about something so bad that happened to them and turn it into a positive yeah like it's it's unbelievable and yeah i I don't really know what to say and I think we were both speechless in lots of parts in that podcast.

52:45Georgia Dayton: Yeah, it was beautiful. Yeah, absolutely loved it. Yeah, thanks Grace. Yeah, she's a legend. What a legend. As always, we'd love you to rate, review, subscribe and please give our podcast a follow. Yeah, and if you've got any feedback on this episode or guests you'd like to hear from, drop us a DM on Instagram. We're on at Made by Mamas and we'll be back on Friday.

53:08This Father's Day in Lowe's, We have extra big deals for a very limited time, so you can get Dad, the gift he's been wishing for. Get a free select Craftsman, Dewalt, or Cobalt battery when you buy a select combo kit. Plus, save$90 on a Cobalt 24-volt battery string trimmer and leaf blower combo kit. Now$129. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's. Ballot through 615, while supplies last. Selection varies by location. This week on Help, I sexted my boss. So, walked into one bar, get there and go, stripped of boxes. I was like, ah, avoid certain places like that. OK, I ask when he's available to go out and then he ghosts me.

53:49Over a year of time and effort spent on this only to be ghosted. I think he deserves a shitty message, if I'm honest. Peter Schmeichel. Oh, Peter Schmeichel. Schmeichel. No, Schmeichel. How am I being corrected on football players by him? Listen and watch wherever you get your podcasts.