Kerri Northcott on Secondary School Struggles, Homeschooling & IVF

0:02Kerri Northcott: Zoe and Georgia will be here in just a moment with Made by Mammas. Once you've finished this episode, dive in to some of the other parenting podcasts from the team behind the show you're about to hear.

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1:41Made by Mammas: That's Factormeals.com slash Easy50Off and use code Easy50Off. Hello and welcome to Made by Mamas, the podcast. I'm Zoe Hardman. And I'm Georgia Dayton. And this is your parenting safe space where no conversation is off limits. With five kids between G and I, we have seen a lot. We really have. Each week we'll be joined by some famous faces and experts and we'll chat about the brands and products that have saved us along the way. In short, we're the parenting podcast for you. Before we get started, hit subscribe or follow so you're the first to know when each episode lands. And they're on Tuesdays and Fridays.

2:20Made by Mammas: And it really helps if you leave a rating and a review. You can also find us on Instagram. We're on at Made by Mummies. But for now, George, should we get into it? I feel a bit like Ronan Keating today. What? You know, like Life is a Roller Coaster. That song just keeps playing over and over and over in my head. How you can have these moments of utter joy followed by these massive lows of parenting. Like, isn't it just the sweetest, most disgusting pudding you've ever tasted? It's like, how can it be both things at the same time? Yeah, how can it be equally wonderful and equally annoying? How can it be, George?

2:59Made by Mammas: I don't know. I really don't know. And it just keeps on going like that, as far as I know. I can't see when that stops.

3:08Kerri Northcott: I don't think it does. Do you ever give your parents a hard time?

3:11Made by Mammas: Do I? I don't know. I definitely don't give my mum a hard time like I no absolutely not like I'm team my mum all the way but my dad I 100 % give a hard time too we are always telling him off the things weeing on the floor in the downstairs toilet like just oh my god walking through the house in shoes he must honestly hate me because he must be walking on eggshells around me it's like he's got two wives it is actually yeah It is like he's got two wives and he'll message me something he wants to do and I say, have you asked mum? And then he's like, oh, I knew you were saying that to me. So, yes, I do actually give my dad a hard time.

3:55Made by Mammas: He probably loves it. Do you give your mum a hard time?

3:59Kerri Northcott: What do you think?

4:00Made by Mammas: Yes. A hundred percent. Yes. I'm trying not to because I think I've done enough of that. So I'm really, our relationship is the best it's ever been. I can report which is really really lovely and I think we're finding a real flow that we haven't necessarily found for a very very long time actually when I saw her at Christmas I felt how long have we got left and that's a really morbid way to start a podcast but I think I'd sort of not that she looked frail but like she was walking with a stick that was the first time I'd seen her do that and there were just these little changes and she's 78 you know I'd really lost my dad at this point so I just I suddenly thought like why why am I still giving her a hard time about things I've got to let all of that go and actually I think someone said something on the podcast that we shouldn't look for our parents for healing it's up to us to do the healing oh yeah we did yeah that really has stayed with me so I've been thinking about that quite a lot but maybe this is a podcast for another moment because maybe it is we're not talking about that no we're not but we are like we are sort of talking about relationship between mom and daughter and how that can be and the sort of our guest has been sharing her relationship with her daughter since she was born online and how it's really evolved and I think it's probably really tricky when you're in that position you know you've really shared that's been your whole everything like your job you know absolutely everything to you and then it gets to a point where they're old enough to know what you're sharing you have to give them some privacy you also want to share though because you're looking for help and you know you want to be honest and that's where this guest is right now and her daughter is going through a really tricky time at school and I love that we have these spaces now where people talk about these things because ultimately this is the stuff that no one had a forum to talk about before no you couldn't you don't i mean especially at secondary school you know it's not like you stand at the school gates and you talk to other parents is it it doesn't happen so this is why i don't think these conversations take place and that's why we're so grateful for today's guests for coming on and being so honest again she's been on the podcast before but not for a really really long time like six years so we had loads to catch up with thank you to today's guests actually ahead of this for being so vulnerable yes she really did open up her heart and soul to us so we're very grateful georgia who are we talking to today we're chatting to kerry northup returning guests on the podcast are always uh georgia and i's favorite because we can catch up on everything that they've been up to and i was trying to remember when we had today's guest on but i think it was probably six years ago.

6:47Made by Mammas: Yeah, I was going to say, it's either series one or two when we used to work like that. Yeah, so we've got a hell of a lot to talk about today. She is absolutely massive on Instagram, giving all of her amazing fashion and beauty tips, but also just really showing real life. I feel like today's guest is one of the most honest that we have had on in the past and today will be no different. Please welcome Kerry Northcott. Yay! I feel like we've already had a full chat before we started the podium, which is never good. But those listening, set the scene. How's your morning been?

7:20Kerri Northcott: It's been a stressful morning, as we were just saying, like an 11 and a half year old at secondary school is something nobody prepares you for. Yeah. And not actually spoken about that often because we always have to be respectful of our teens, whereas there's always so much conversation around babies and toddlers and how to navigate that. Whereas pre-teens and teenagers, there is a lot less. So, yeah, so that's been the, you know, just the standard can't do nothing, say nothing right. Just walking on eggshells and trying to survive. Smile through it.

8:00Made by Mammas: What's going on with Ivy? Because she's going through a tough period at the moment. You're talking a bit about it online, but talk to us about it today.

8:09Kerri Northcott: Yeah, she's having a really tough time with her self-esteem, which is really hard to see. As a mum, you want your kids to be happy and think they're, and know how incredible they are, because she is the most incredible kid in my eyes. But I know she's just such a kind-hearted girl. And she's just not feeling good enough in anything that she's doing at school. And she's masking a lot at school. So any teacher's sort of tone of voice when they're addressing the class in a certain way, she takes out thinking that it's her, she's done something wrong and they're angry at her. They've also really upped their game.

8:48Kerri Northcott: And the teacher actually replied to one of my stories about this. They are constantly doing assessments at the moment, which seems to be a new thing that the government have put into place. So for her to constantly hear like, oh, there's an assessment, it feels like she's constantly being challenged at how good she is. and she has dyslexia anyway which is something we've um we've known for about a year and I sort of wish that she would just not care as much but she actually does want to learn and she does care probably a little bit too much so take us back did this start predominantly when

9:26Made by Mammas: she started secondary school in September or did she have like these similar sort of issues in

9:31Kerri Northcott: primary school it flagged or we sort of knew that she was quite an anxious child in year three um there was a girl that became who was neurodivergent who was obsessed with ivy they had a really cute friendship to start with but then she'd become very obsessed wouldn't let her play with anyone else ivy started waking up in the night due to this it was making her feel very uncomfortable and ivy actually then took in a picture of herself without me knowing to give to the little girls so that when Ivy wasn't around, the little girl wouldn't get angry because she would have a picture of Ivy to look at.

10:03Made by Mammas: Okay.

10:04Kerri Northcott: So I thought it's so sweet, but then it's also like she's, she's a little bit too aware of everyone else. And do you know what I mean? It's a really, so I sort of knew there was something, she was a little bit different, you know? Yeah. And then in year six, when she started year six, we started to notice that she was masking quite a bit in school she started to get quite emotional and her the the way she would like um like the burnout from school we would get the brunt of it at home and when I would speak to her teachers about things I was like oh my god we had no idea she doesn't show whether she's happy sad angry and I was like why have you not flagged that you've got a child here just like like this permanently just grin on her face and just getting on with it Saying nothing.

10:54Kerri Northcott: Saying nothing. Like she would interact and stuff, but never really show emotion. Right. From like all sides of being angry or being glad that she's done something right. Or even if she would get praise or anything, just not show any emotion. So we would get the fallout of it. And then that's when we got the dyslexia assessment.

11:16Made by Mammas: Were there any other signs of the dyslexia assessment? Because I'm dyslexic. It was diagnosed quite late. I was probably, by this point, I'd failed all my exams, my common entrance, and wasn't allowed to go to the secondary school that I wanted to go to. But it happened at 12, but I was getting my letters muddled up. My reading was actually not too bad, but my writing was awful. Really, for Ivy, what was that?

11:39Kerri Northcott: It was more of like when she would read to us, she would very comfortably change around words, but the very simplest of words to like two would become the or the would become to or for would become from. And we started to work out that they're just moving or she's reading, she's seen things differently to what we're seeing. And we've always had a chooser for her from quite, from about year three, I would say. So they sort of flagged, she sort of flagged it as well that when I'd said to her, she started to look at things differently and like different ways of her learning and what she was benefiting from.

12:22Kerri Northcott: And yes, and then we decided to do that privately. Yep. That came back. She also, you know, it took her quite a while to speak and she had no hearing in one ear.

12:36Made by Mammas: Okay.

12:37Kerri Northcott: So that was sort of a...

12:40Made by Mammas: Did they think that they linked?

12:42Kerri Northcott: Yeah. Yes. Okay. Yeah.

12:44Made by Mammas: Okay.

12:45Kerri Northcott: Yeah, they sort of said because she was just such a late starter anyway, she couldn't hear in one ear and she couldn't speak. So she's always going to be like slightly behind because of that. And I guess obviously leaving primary school and then starting secondary school, like Georgia said, in September, has it been such a shift? The shift started, yeah, like it is a shift, but it's more of like December because they sort of ease you in, make you feel comfortable. And then it changes a bit, you know, it's sort of after the first term.

13:16Made by Mammas: So she started in September, made friends, like she was doing it.

13:20Kerri Northcott: She was buzzing. Our decision always was, if you didn't get into this particular school, we was going to homeschool.

13:28Made by Mammas: Right. That was what we said from the beginning.

13:32Kerri Northcott: Before we opened her results of whether she'd got in or not, I said to her and I was like, what is it you really want? Do you really want to go to school or would you rather be homeschooled? She said, I do really want to go to this school. And I was like, okay, that's fine. And she got in and she was buzzing. She made lots of new friends. You know, like the teachers were always been sending emails. Like she's such a great asset to the team. Amazing start. Yeah. Because she wants to learn and she loves to do well. She's very relationship based. If she likes you and feels like there's a connection, she will go over and above for you, you know?

14:11Made by Mammas: So did you think that this was about maybe an age thing when the sort of because am I right in thinking that? Everyone says that. Right. Yeah. Everyone says that, right? Yeah. She's 11. It's an age thing. It's hormones coming in. What do you think it is? I think she's neurodivergent and she's permanently in fight or flight mode at the moment at school.

14:38Kerri Northcott: um she doesn't know how to process her emotions um it's a very we've got a very different ivy at the moment she's sad which is horrible she's sad every day and when you if you had a husband or a friend or someone in a relationship or your partner at a job and they are crying every day and they are sad you would tell them to change your job yeah yeah break up with who you're with yeah so it's it's very hard to try and be um to just not throw the towel in straight away for her but she's she's 11 you know I think we forget like just because they're at secondary school they're still so little no and they're dealing with lots of different things like she's gone from like 90 kids in her year to now 260 kids in her year it's very different you know you're going to and from classes and the expectation that and also as well that these are the kids from covid yeah no that's you know they're the covid kids yeah the expectation that they're supposed to get on get it done you know governments just bringing out assessments assessments assessments and they're just supposed to be okay such a big jump isn't there george from primary school where i don't

16:05Made by Mammas: know what oh i sort of do know the setup you're in but there isn't that much homework yeah and everything's a bit like easy breezy to then suddenly secondary school and it's homework

16:14Kerri Northcott: every single day after school you know they have on screens as well by the way screens yeah it's a

16:20Made by Mammas: big problem for me and it's suddenly the workload and you can feel the anxiety i mean i see isla coming back and she's already been in prep for like an hour and a half and she's got black eyes she's still sitting in the kitchen on her laptop trying to finish her Spanish homework at 9.30 at night. She gets off the bus at 2.30. Like, you know, she's got to eat and it's too much for them. It's too much. Because an adult, if you come home from work and then you have to pull up your laptop again and work till really late, you deem that unhealthy, right? Yeah. You'd be like, you're working too hard, it's unhealthy.

16:48Made by Mammas: But are kids doing that?

16:50Kerri Northcott: Yeah, it's, I don't understand how they then expect for them to get up and do it all again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

17:01Made by Mammas: What's your heart telling you? Because I guess what we're talking about here is the homeschooling system.

17:04Kerri Northcott: What are your feelings around that? It's really hard because you're going against the grain. So to do that, it feels very bohemian. It feels very sort of wrong to take her out of the school system. But surprisingly, when I have spoken about it briefly on Instagram, the amount of people that are homeschooling their kids is insane. Really? Or want to.

17:27Made by Mammas: And is a lot of that coming from the assessments and the pressure?

17:31Kerri Northcott: Yeah, year sevens.

17:33Made by Mammas: Really?

17:33Kerri Northcott: A lot of people have taken their kids out either in year seven or year eight or wish that they had their kids in year 11 and they wish that they had taken their child out because they've just seen their kid disappear in front of them.

17:46Made by Mammas: So, because we're fascinated by this conversation and we love talking about homeschooling and breaking apart the sort of normal, regular system. so I guess what does a normal I've got to just use that word what does a regular day of homeschooling look like in your mind well how would that work for Ivy I mean at the moment

18:08Kerri Northcott: this is it's quite scary I think if we did homeschool one day a week when she was in primary school and she benefited massively from that oh so did you have a conversation with school and yeah we did one day a week in primary school yeah and she benefits because she just benefits better from one-to-one she gets so overwhelmed in a full classroom so to try and then focus and actually learn anything it's too much for her for her so she just benefits one-to-one which is why we're thinking of doing this um and school have been amazing as well by the way they have been so understanding which is why we only wanted her to go to this school um at the moment I don't know we've I don't think it will be something that I'm sat with her and we're just printing off sheets and doing constant stuff like that.

18:54Kerri Northcott: As I said, she has a tutor. I'm also very fortunate that I can be at home and I can afford different, at the moment, resources for her. So I think there'll be different groups that we'll take her too. But at the moment, I think if we do take her out, it'll be a lot of unschooling. We're not going to go straight into that. There is a child here that is very unhappy with the school system and has lost her identity and herself with being at school. So it's more about, if I take her out, it will be more about building her back out, getting her confidence back up, getting her just to, she's a kid. I know.

19:39Kerri Northcott: She's a kid. She's 11 years old. She shouldn't be feeling like this. You know, like.

19:43Made by Mammas: Stressed about, yeah.

19:44Kerri Northcott: You know. How does she present day to day at home with you?

19:47Made by Mammas: Like, what's your relationship with her like at the moment?

19:49Kerri Northcott: We have a great relationship, especially on a weekend. Morning's not so much. She loves waking up. Her alarm is at 6.30am. If we wake her up any later than that, it is a breakdown. she's like luna exactly as a yeah she's very routine based alarm off alarm goes off at 6 30 um we don't know what we'll get she might be willing to go in we talk through her day quite a lot okay what lessons have you got she goes to the hive which is more of like a support place so she'll either do some learning down there or she'll play with kinetic sand and do some colouring in um whatever she feels comfortable with doing okay so we go through her day quite a lot she'll go to school I get her into school at the moment I drive to the front of school we have a meeting with the assistant head of the SEND department every morning well we talk through the classes again what we're doing what the what's the plan what she's going to what she's not going to go to um if there's normally if there's like an end of day class that she really struggles with I might go and pick her up at lunch okay but we just take it hour by hour with school as well

21:14Made by Mammas: if she was having a particularly bad moment what would happen at school in the class or would she mask and say nothing and then feel all the feels when she's so she has a pass where she can walk

21:28Kerri Northcott: out of the class and go down to the hive whenever she wants okay she was too nervous to use that so she literally just has permission to leave the class pretty much and go down to the hive which she wouldn't I know she wouldn't do so she tends to not go to that class if that's if she's already feeling funny about it but then Friday RS she can't stand RS because it's very discussion based so to be in a class where there's lots of noise lots of conversation it makes her feel really overwhelmed she doesn't normally go to rs she'll go and do work down in the hive but she decided to go to rs which is probably from feeling confident from a previous class and her friends encouraging her come on why don't you come to rs with her so she felt clearly okay in that moment so it's literally hour by hour we'll be right back after this short break

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24:22Made by Mammas: Welcome back to this episode of Made by Mamas. Now, where were we? And out of school. What is her character and personality?

24:29Kerri Northcott: She's full of beans. Yeah. She was full of beans, you know. Loves role-playing teachers. God knows why. She loves playing teachers, dressing up. She gets everything out of my wardrobe, jewellery, boots, headscarves tied up as tops. Loves just playing. She plays. She plays more now than what she did as a kid, you know. She really enjoys just playing. Roblox, of course. We're just having a chat about that before we came on today.

25:08Made by Mammas: Are you sad? You seem sad.

25:10Kerri Northcott: Yeah, I am sad. I can't let myself go there. But yeah, it's really hard.

25:18Made by Mammas: Yeah. Yeah. You feel like you've lost the essence of her at the moment.

25:24Kerri Northcott: Yeah, and it's the constant guilt of, you know, and it's hard because even for myself and my partner, we're constantly on eggshells.

25:35Made by Mammas: Yeah.

25:38Kerri Northcott: Sorry, Kerry. the whole household is just struggling because um we're just having to let her have her emotions you know and he'll say something I'll be like don't say that or why did you do that we're constantly like pulling each other up on things and have no time together because the only time we have together is when we're trying to like sort our own nervous systems out you know so it's been really really hard and I think that's the thing that people don't everyone says nowadays like with ADHD and autism and we're still planning on getting her assessed but it's been flagged quite a lot okay with scottal like oh everyone's there's such a huge spectrum like everyone's on you know got a bit of ADHD and it's not you identify with traits that the ADHD people have and people with autism have you identify traits you're not on the spectrum with it you know because trust me you would know if you're dealing with someone that's or if you're neurodivergent in that thing in that sense you know because it's like a whole different minefield and that's what I'm saying like now like with babies and toddlers there's so much conversation for new mums and there's so much help out there but then when you get to pre-teen and teenagers there's actually not yeah it's like you lose exactly what we talk

27:04Made by Mammas: about like we're saying like from like seven eight where it's almost like the good time isn't it like six seven eight it's like really really nice I was just about to do 16. I thought it was at the moment. Sorry.

27:17Kerri Northcott: Not now. Not like the read.

27:19Made by Mammas: 6, 7. And then you start approaching that secondary school, thinking about secondary school, and that's where everything changes. Yeah. And no one talks about it. No. Because like you say, your kids are older, they're aware of what you're talking about, you maybe don't want to talk out of turn. Yeah, they don't want to talk. But also I think even among friends and friendships, People don't seem to talk with each other as much about those issues. I don't know what it is or why it is.

27:44Kerri Northcott: Because it's seen as they're hormones. Yeah. Everyone goes through it when they're like that. They're just going, you know, it's just hormones. But it's not. Even if it is just hormones, it's still crap. We still should be allowed to like vent about it and just sort of like flag it off, you know.

28:01Made by Mammas: It feels like, I don't know if you agree, but it sort of feels like we cotton wool them, cotton wool them, cotton wool them. And then suddenly when they go to secondary school, there's like a really sharp line that is drawn in the sand. And suddenly we're supposed to go, oh, there you go. Yeah. But no, there has to be a process where they feel, still feel nurtured, supported, heard, looked after, protected. We don't just go, right, off you go. And I think that happens quite a lot. I know, you know, I feel with Isla, she's 12 and I feel like I don't know anything about her.

28:31Kerri Northcott: Is she year eight now?

28:32Made by Mammas: Yeah. Yeah. I know nothing about her, who her friends are. she won't talk to me about what's on her phone we don't really have any discussions she tells me she's got no one to talk to she doesn't want to share it with me suddenly there's like oh gosh you know where where is that communication and that deep understanding and connection between us gone people go it's all right it'll come back but I'm worried because this is a really important

28:52Kerri Northcott: time for our girls but then also as well like people forget it's not like back in the day with us we've got phones now like you finish school and you take school home with you you know if Someone's mean at school. They're probably going to be mean to you on Snapchat and WhatsApp as well, you know. There's group chats. When Ivy started secondary school, they somehow was able to set up a WhatsApp group chat. We had 170 girls. What? In a WhatsApp group chat.

29:21Made by Mammas: Wow.

29:22Kerri Northcott: Yeah. Can you imagine that?

29:23Made by Mammas: No.

29:24Kerri Northcott: That sounds like I was giving you shudders.

29:26Made by Mammas: Carnage. Was it awful?

29:27Kerri Northcott: It was carnage.

29:29Made by Mammas: Did she find the friendship side of things okay at school?

29:32Kerri Northcott: Absolutely.

29:33Made by Mammas: you fine okay that's so nice to hear that that's positive she has really lovely friends like we're

29:38Kerri Northcott: very very fortunate in in that part I'm also as well that person who will bring your friends over yeah I'll have them at mine all the time because I want to hear the conversations I want to know like what you're being exposed to you know like I know I've got them all there and they feel comfortable to tell me things and be like oh I've his mum's our bestie Yeah, she's so cool. Thanks, girl.

30:04Made by Mammas: Do we feel, it's a bit of a big question, but do we feel that there needs to be a reboot with the school system in terms of individually looking at what's going on? It's not one size fits all. A hundred percent. Okay, give me some thoughts on that.

30:20Kerri Northcott: I mean, my head's so fried at the moment with Ivy. just like there just needs to be more support in everything in easing them in this whole assessment thing as well like the pressure they're putting on these kids is insane it's just the

30:36Made by Mammas: wording assessment in itself yeah yeah yeah it's funny though because like this is i've got two primary school age kids last week they had assessments all week at school yeah so gg is six going on seven Axel's nine going on ten so they're still like youngish yeah five and two and Axel will be like we've got assessments this week you know big deal you know I've got this I've got 97 it's really good Gigi goes oh I just did colouring in and then he goes well what do you mean like what do you mean Gigi like you could do much she goes I said I'll finish it tomorrow like genuinely gives zero that's so funny zero fucks but I kind of like it because she hasn't got the stress that he's got yeah he's like there's assessments gotta be in school early gotta do this gotta do that and I'm like actual mate doesn't matter like it's fine well she obviously picks up on my energy because she's like oh I told him I'll finish it tomorrow don't worry

31:31Kerri Northcott: but maybe they're so they're so the kids are so different on how they how they see it yeah you know they they see things so differently and this is the thing that you'll have one child that will sit there and talk to you about everything at school they shut down and it's really worrying nowadays because they're exposed to so to so much you're one of your best friends coral she

31:55Made by Mammas: homeschools her girls yes she does just you do you if you want to put your kids through the

31:59Kerri Northcott: through the school system great if you want to homeschool your kids great someone said to me once like they messaged me and was like well she's never going to learn what she's going to do when she goes into jobs well she's gonna be an adult then she is a child like yeah but also i do think

32:14Made by Mammas: i mean god we've been through this for up for ages haven't we like secondary school i went to start looking at secondary schools in september yeah it's like i hate them all like yeah george came in she was a fry every single one yeah like any of it i don't believe in any of it anymore i just went completely the other way it's not changed since we were at school and that's what I mean so when you say jobs yeah it's like the jobs that they're learning to do at school like or like like on the pathway probably won't exist exactly they told me I was going to be a lollipop lady look at you now sorry look at you now hey you still time what did they tell you you were gonna be I don't think I'm gonna go as far as a careers chat no I don't think I lollipop lady

32:57Kerri Northcott: I fucking laugh at that. That's so funny. I was like, oh, do I get to wear the pinstripe outfit?

33:01Made by Mammas: That's enough. But it is. I think that's quite difficult. It's difficult when you're thinking that or looking at school like that. They're getting so stressed about assessments that you're thinking, it doesn't matter. It doesn't define you at all. No, it doesn't define you. And it's not even like a test.

33:16Kerri Northcott: Yeah, it's difficult. It's just for them to see where you're at. It's not that deep. But you can't say to them, it's not that deep, guys. Do you know what I mean? They don't. so how does ivy feel about potentially being home schooled like very mixed i think now it's sort of become quite real i mean we're going to do a part-time timetable for her because it's not they can't do like flexi schooling but they're very willing to do a part-time timetable and we're going to do some other bits outside of school because she's not in the she does maths in the hive she's not in the classroom yeah but she's she gets like a little bit of help and support but still like I just feel like she's just falling more and more behind um so she'll be going to like a place called like Mathnesium for that have some support with that Mathnesium I love that and the other mathletes they they're amazing they're like we'll do an assessment if she's a year behind it will take her six months to get her up to date um so she's I mean also as well We're so dating the way we think of schooling, of just sitting down and doing books and this maths book and learning this and algebra, which makes no sense.

34:31Kerri Northcott: I know. When do we use this? You've lost me. I don't get me on fractions. It just doesn't, it's just not needed. I get the bare minimum, but it's so dated in the way that they're teaching these kids now. like make it a bit more interesting for him like you know so she's quite excited because she wants to she's very into sports great loves cooking yeah very creative so like to have more time doing things like that with her I think would really benefit her she should start YouTube and be like the running chef yeah something I know she would she's she's she did a bit of a delay laugh

35:12Made by Mammas: smart but you got there didn't you?

35:14Kerri Northcott: She um she did actually set up a YouTube and they someone reported in took it down when she's a bit older she was absolutely heartbreaking she's like it's my fault because I didn't post for three days I was like listen I'm gonna be out of a job

35:29Made by Mammas: that's what happened. We'll be right back after this short break.

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37:26Made by Mammas: Welcome back to this episode of Made by Mamas. Now, where were we? Can we talk about, because you've obviously had a lot going on and you've spoken publicly on your social media about your struggles getting pregnant for a second time.

37:38Kerri Northcott: I feel like I've always got to struggle. If it's not my useless womb, it's...

37:43Made by Mammas: Oh, Kerry!

37:45Kerri Northcott: You have to make a lot, you have to like, do you know what I mean? You have to, otherwise, you know, what is there... Where are you at with it all? I mean, I've got two embryos left in the freezer.

37:57Made by Mammas: Okay.

37:57Kerri Northcott: I took last year off.

37:59Made by Mammas: How long have you been trying to have a second baby?

38:01Kerri Northcott: Nearly eight years. Wow. I laugh now because it just seems ridiculous. Yeah. Last year I took off. So we did IVF. No, for my mental sanity. Yeah. But as in you took a year off work and... No, I still had to work. Oh, sorry. You took a year off trying to get... I'd love to take a year off work. I took a year off trying to get pregnant. Got it. Got it. Yeah. I took a year off trying to get pregnant. He obviously wasn't happy about that because he was hardly allowed near me. I was like, no, I want to know, like, that twinge is because my period's coming and, you know, I don't want any.

38:35Made by Mammas: You don't want your mind to go there.

38:36Kerri Northcott: Yeah. But if we're going to do it, obviously you're still going to try. So it's like, so yeah, it took a year off, all of IVF, and it was amazing. Had such an incredible year. Did you? Yeah, so grateful for that break. that break and I think it's also put things into perspective as if like if it doesn't happen now

38:57Made by Mammas: because this is probably the last year we'll try okay she's going to be 12 this year we'd have been

39:04Kerri Northcott: trying for eight years yeah I'm going to be 37 I know everyone's like you know 40 still young to have a kid no I don't want to do that yeah my personal preference I don't want a 16 year old and a baby yeah I actually don't want an 11 year old and a baby at the moment that's true yeah that's true yeah but like I don't want to have no you know and I think at the moment with everything with IV maybe it's just how it's supposed to be you know does it sort of scare you to go back into that again fertility go back yeah 100 % because I had such bad panic attacks and bad anxiety through it and I lost myself so much with the IVF and the fertility to then get yourself back and I was actually talking to my friend Anna Hart this morning about this to remove yourself from that and then knowing what you know how it feels going back into that it's scarier going back to that yeah yes because you know because you know how dark it can get yeah do they have any understanding to why you can't get pregnant again no and that must be something that keeps you awake at night so frustrating I mean I've done so many I'm all for advocating for yourself and being proactive and not just allowing the NHS to do what they think and there's so many great places now where you can get testing done like um there's a place like um Hurtility oh yeah which I'm like Everyone should find out your egg count, find out what you've got, freeze your eggs.

40:43Kerri Northcott: I wish someone said to me, just freeze your eggs. And everyone's like, oh, yeah, but I'm like, no, because it will get too late. Randox do incredible blood work and pull up loads of stuff and find out where you're at. I paid one test I did for natural killer cells. I think it was like a thousand pounds for one blood test because they send it to San Francisco. and that was the only thing that we sort of got was that I don't have natural killer cells but I do have high inflammation which we then worked out that I've got this autoimmune condition called indifferent indifferent I can't say it can you give it to us what is it I what Connective, indifferented, something like that.

41:32Kerri Northcott: Connective tissue disease. Right, okay. You know, it's something like that where my body's, it's sort of like, basically they think it could be the start of lupus because lupus is so hard to pinpoint. Yeah. They just sort of give this like umbrella term, like there's something wrong with you, but we don't know exactly what it is, but we'll just say it's this.

41:53Made by Mammas: Right, okay.

41:54Kerri Northcott: So my body is inflamed. Okay. And my immune system's on. sort of attacks itself. For fuck's sake. I know. For God's sake. You look so bloody gorgeous. Thank you. You're all inflamed on the inside. So, yeah, so that's the closest thing we've got. So I had to really push for the last embryo transfer we did, please can you give me steroids? And in Greece, because I do it all in Greece, and they were like, no, we don't believe because it's linked to like um can cause cleft palate yeah I was like listen if my kids got a cleft palate I'll take it like in the can we just try and get an embryo to stick before we start worrying about these other things yeah so they were like no no no and I did I did get them to cave after being so persistent right and we tried steroids and that still didn't

42:47Made by Mammas: which lowers your um immune system right okay it still didn't stick so we found out on Christmas stay not last in 2025 2024 so that's why i was like nah i'm done now yeah you need a break

43:00Kerri Northcott: and and have you made peace with the fact that it might not happen 100 okay yeah was that what was that more sad for ivy yeah okay yeah because it's like

43:13Made by Mammas: something she might not get to experience having siblings yeah i have a really full life

43:19Kerri Northcott: and she feels my life. Yeah. You know? But for her, if she sees 11-11, she goes, everyone 11-11, make a wish. And I go, what are you wishing for? She goes, the same thing I always do, brother or sister. I can't do it. She writes like, like she's so desperate for brother or sister and it breaks my heart that I can't do that. You know?

43:47Made by Mammas: Would you ever go down another route? Oh, no.

43:50Kerri Northcott: So, and this is, she always, why can't we just adopt? Just adopt. I'm like, I wish it was so easy. Yeah. It's not just my feelings. I have to take into consideration how my husband feels. And also, Ivy, you know, like some of these children go through the most horrific things. Yeah. And I don't know if I could fully give myself to support them and support Ivy's needs at the same time. Yeah. we've spoken about whether to have like sperm donors or egg donors for some reason he would rather me have a sperm donor than an egg donor

44:30Made by Mammas: and I'm like

44:33Kerri Northcott: you could just say it's not my kid it's exactly what I thought in my mind I was like maybe I should get an egg donor I was like no I'd rather use your own eggs but we can get a different sperm and I was like what's that so you're not tied to this is that the yeah because no I don't I don't know why he feels I don't know maybe it's because I don't know I do actually do 90 % of the parenting anyway so maybe that's probably why I mean he's incredible but I yeah if anything I don't let him get involved as much at the moment with Ives but yeah I don't actually know why that it's so interesting I know it's so weird but his chats you've had and you're like you know chats we've had and he would actually be quite happy if we don't have a kid yeah he's like he's got a good cushy life you know he'd be quite happy if we don't but so but he gets sad I don't know if sometimes he says that from for me you know we've really struggled throughout IVF the two of you together yeah it's been difficult yeah because he's men deal with things so differently he's his mum and dad dove when he was so young that he's not been able to have that emotional support or understand his emotions so he shuts down and I'm like and then I'll come back from therapy and he'll be like I'm really sorry I'm not dealing with it I'm like I'm not dealing with it either but we've got to keep we've got to remember to talk and but going back to therapy throughout my IVF was the best thing and I think anyone who does IVF get a therapist and what about like with

46:10Made by Mammas: ivy now like how is your relationship with what you're you know everything you're dealing with yeah with so with your husband yeah what's going on with ivy yeah it's hard in your relationship

46:21Kerri Northcott: yeah definitely because she's very consuming and then we work and then it's like when she's when we have a good evening with her we're like oh god that's lovely this we didn't get any tears and i just gone right down we sort of like relax and we can like have a laugh together you know and have a bit of time together on an evening but when that's not the case because we start bedtime say around 7 7 30 with ive and that's purely because our evenings can be taken up by her being upset so by the time i'm i've got her down what time would that be sometimes nine whoa yeah you don't have an evening we don't have an evening so then he'll he'll be downstairs doing what he's doing getting his stuff ready for work having a game of fortnight i'm tapped out get me to bed of course you know so there is so it's the time that you don't really have she's saying her friends or the up and coming weekend i was like she's gonna stay at so-and-so's and he was like oh my god I was like we've got a night on I feel like we should go out but I just really want to stay in yeah you know just stay in and just like sit on the sofa and do nothing like watch a film and get a takeaway and and actually probably nobody's really speaking about the

47:46Made by Mammas: impact that it has on the grown-up relationship but just having a child who's neurodivergent you know it's it has to be about them and you're yeah you're you're caring for them and looking So where does your relationship with your husband?

47:59Kerri Northcott: Yeah, it becomes the bottom. You know, I always think like you have like this like triangle of priorities. You've got like your kids, your work, your relationship, the house, all of these things. And by the time you've got the house tidy and your kids sorted and you work, your relationship is at the bottom of the pile. And it is, isn't it?

48:21Made by Mammas: And sometimes it kind of has to be. Yeah. And it's, you know, everyone says, oh, you've got to prioritise your relationship. You've got to prioritise your relationship. But when something like that's going on, you can't. You can't. How can you? You can't do that. You can't. No. And not just, you know, like this scenario. But like if you've got any issues with your kids, whatever it is, that always comes to the top.

48:40Kerri Northcott: Whatever stage they're at, from a baby to a toddler. Like you're exhausted from doing everything with them, masking your emotions because we all have to gentle parent now, don't we? Oh, God. We were talking about this as well.

48:52Made by Mammas: We're not doing that. well I'm I'm not doing that I was screaming at Kit this morning going you don't appreciate me and he was going no you do nothing and there's no food in the house and I was like I just turned to the sink and I was like so I'm not gentle parenting

49:08Kerri Northcott: that little it's really really hard I I try the best to my abilities just because I know she's struggling at school and I'm like I'm trying to speak to her like a fairy you know the hills are alive sometimes I get really frustrated with the situation and then I have to go on my apology tour Ivy I'm very sorry yeah that was not about you this morning okay see I make my husband do that I literally make James because

49:34Made by Mammas: I like I don't get angry like really I can't imagine you're angry I don't so then when I am angry right it doesn't look like I'm angry so I'm crossing the kids and they just literally laugh at me and my all I actually go mum that doesn't suit you and then you know I'm like fucking hell so I have to get my husband who is angry to come in and be angry but then i make him apologize you forced him to do it anymore that's so funny but yeah like i get him i'm like make sure you apologize and say you didn't mean it he's like but i did mean it and i'm like no i know but we

50:07Kerri Northcott: always have to do we always have to apologize for our tone of voice i do exactly the exactly the same with mr coco like you need to go and say sorry go and say sorry i mean sometimes he is in the wrong sometimes I'm in the wrong but you know we are human it's very hard to always stay

50:26Made by Mammas: yeah I'm saying sorry this morning I just didn't mean it like I just didn't mean I said to Kit I am really sorry that I shouted at you and he went it's okay mommy I thought little rat bag like I was like actually you deserve that Yeah, you're my favourite son. I'm going to school. Kerry, we like to ask our guests on the podcast for their best piece of advice. I'm sure you remember this from six years ago. I can't actually remember. You're going through some stuff at the moment. So anybody listening to this can really relate to the ups and downs of your life at the moment. Talk to them. Just give us a bit of advice that you'd like to.

51:04Made by Mammas: Or something that's been helpful that someone said to you. Yeah.

51:07Kerri Northcott: With secondary school is communicate with the school. Don't try and deal with it at home because it's a lot of the weight can fall on yourself. And the majority of the time they're at school. Yeah. They're the third parent or the second parent or whatever, you know, like they need to step in and support. So do not hold back. If you're flagging and you're seeing that your child is on fight or fly or on burnout, it's not just hormones.

51:37Made by Mammas: Yeah.

51:38Kerri Northcott: You know, like don't let someone tell you it's just hormones. Speak to the school.

51:43Made by Mammas: Yeah. Love that. And for a bit of fluffiness, we know you love products and makeup and stuff. What are you loving at the moment? Let's leave on it. Yeah, let's talk. God, you're really frowning. Come on, girls. Or like jewellery brands. Just a few things. Marks and Spencers. George is always banging on about Marks and Spencers. Marks and Spencers.

52:02Kerri Northcott: Are you in M &S today? I'm in full M &S. I saw you popping in there for a little shopping haul. I've been in there non-stop. An amazing one on Oxford Street. They've redone it up. It looks like Zara.

52:12Made by Mammas: Does it? it's incredible I need to go

52:15Kerri Northcott: micro cement walls oh lovely it's very aesthetically pleasing their jewellery whoever is doing their jewellery very good please send us some bits are you wearing them today? I'm wearing literally apart from my boots the jeans

52:30Made by Mammas: I love those jeans

52:31Kerri Northcott: the jeans the jacket everything's M &S they're doing incredible things at the moment

52:35Made by Mammas: I want what you've got and let's head down there yeah I want to say products like skincare products makeup products what are your like must-haves at the moment

52:42Kerri Northcott: Skincare at the moment, which I think is really anti what everyone's doing with skincare. Stop with all the actives and the acids. Focus on your barrier.

52:54Made by Mammas: SPF.

52:55Kerri Northcott: SPF always. That's like a no brainer for me. I was in the 98th percentile of having the least sun damage on my face. And that's because I'm obsessed with SPF.

53:05Made by Mammas: When you say barriers, what else are you talking about?

53:07Kerri Northcott: We're talking like just focusing on like hydration, moisture, barrier creams, anything that's like, everyone's like using like all these, you know, and I love an active ingredient, but they're damaging. Everyone's getting like, what is it? Periodermatitis. I had it. George had it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was all about the acids. Because everyone's just like, put this on and nobody fully understands what their skin needs. So they're just using retinols and using this. I mean, retinols, everything's great if you know what you're doing. but when you're just going off what someone's telling you online your skin is glowing thank you thank you sculpted by Amy skin veil skin tint is incredible

53:49Made by Mammas: love that thank you thank you oh I love Kerry I've got so much time for her and you could tell actually sitting down with her that she's really going through it at the moment personally and with Ivy and the impact and worrying about what I took from it was how much she cared and how worried she was about getting it wrong. What is the right thing to do? Do I take her out of school? Does she stay there? Where is the support? Am I getting it right? And she's also going through her own personal stuff with her not being able to conceive a baby second time around, all of that sort of stuff. It is a lot.

54:28Made by Mammas: I reckon today's conversation would have helped loads of people. Yeah, definitely. And also inspired others to talk to people about these things because Kerry obviously finds it really helpful to share her story with others. And, you know, it doesn't, you don't have to have a platform to share the story. You can just open up to, you know, friends or family members or whatever. Because I do think it's really important, like, to talk about this stuff because we are all doing it the first time. Yeah. You know, none of us really know what we're doing and how to navigate these situations. so yeah I mean thank you to Kerry it was it was a hard conversation and it's really difficult like for us to but to interview someone when it's so raw and yeah I just really I'm so grateful to her for coming on and sharing everything with us yeah and I'm sure she'd appreciate a reach out and a message from everyone listening to today's episode so if you get the chance just check in with her as always thank you so much for listening we'd love you to rate review subscribe and please Please give the podcast a follow.

55:33Made by Mammas: That means you won't miss an episode. Yeah, and if you've got any feedback on this episode or guests you'd like to hear from, drop us a DM on Instagram. We are on at Made by Mamas and we'll be back on Friday.

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