Shaughna Phillips On Dealing with The Shock Of Her Life!

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1:05Hello and welcome to Made by Mamas, the podcast. I'm Zoe Hardman. And I'm Georgia Dayton. And this is your parenting safe space where no conversation is off limits. With five kids between G and I, we have seen a lot.

1:18Georgia Dayton: We really have. Each week, we'll be joined by some famous faces and experts, and we'll chat about the brands and products that have saved us along the way. In short, we're the parenting podcast for you. Before we get started, hit subscribe or follow so you're the first to know when each episode lands. And they're on Tuesdays and Fridays. And it really helps if you leave a rating and a review. You can also find us on Instagram. We're on at Made by Mummers. But for now, George, should we get into it? Hey, Jude, don't make a song. What's the word? I don't know what the word is. Don't make it better.

1:50Georgia Dayton: Take a set song and make it better. come on England now I'm a traitor and I was asleep you're not a traitor you're a deserter if this was wartime and you had done that you would have been chucked out of the army okay for context I'd happily have been chucked out of the army we're recording this we're recording this the day after the England game obviously shout out to our Scottish fans this doesn't apply to you or our Welsh fans but obviously those of you that do support England the game got postponed till two o 'clock in the morning and I thought it would be a brilliant idea to wake the kids up.

2:27Well, do you know what? They said to me, you've got to promise me, Mum, like this doesn't happen every four years, whatever. So I did get them up. I ended up staying up and watching it and then going to bed at three o 'clock in the morning because I just couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. It was a terrible decision. And your sleep score was what?

2:45Georgia Dayton: 91 or two, I think. Oh, good Lord. Just being smart. No, do you know what? We probably would have done the same, but Axel has sports day today. and it's like if he was off school we would 100 % have done it and I think if it wasn't a Monday again we would have done it but we've got a busy week and weekend and I was just like you know what no so we got up at six um and we watched it like it was live so you didn't know the result no we didn't know the result um so we did that and that was fine I mean I think Axel would have love to stay up and you know I'm glad that we're through because now at least he can watch it on Saturday and that'll be fine yeah it's gonna be so good what a weekend ahead it's gonna be absolutely amazing and did you see Jude like obviously Jude got player of the match did you see his um his post post match interview where he said um uh don't go to work text your boss tell him you're not coming to work make an excuse tell the school that you kept the kids up and give everyone a day off so yeah essentially that's what we've done this end but I'm so proud of them what a game it was so good it was it really was and I think everyone was they were the underdogs really yeah in this situation because of the altitude and like apparently the stadium is like a mad experience in atmosphere yeah yeah so I mean yeah I'm so pleased and I'm pleased as well because I won't have so much guilt now so it all worked out well it's not done yeah exactly I mean Gigi has absolutely no idea which cracks me up oh my god your post on instagram across the weekend if you're a girl mum why does your entire house look like this i howled with laughter because luna is exactly the same she's got little bits of everything everywhere oh my god every bag you open has got like a folded up note to someone usually it says like two i know one of her friends two penny on the outside and then I open it it's a cat in the middle then it's got like a crumpled up like biscuit or something with it like a lip gloss some lego and a sylvanian and I'm like right I mean when did that happen yeah anyway I spent I didn't get dressed actually yesterday until four o 'clock I think because I spent all morning organizing her bedroom like I was on a rampage like chucking stuff away and then she had a friend over in the afternoon no and it just got trashed see this is my point with cleaning and tidying there's absolutely zero point in it i say this all the time george you just shouldn't bother because they it's like they're addicted to tiny bits of plastic i know it's so and do you know what the worst thing is as well we had all those messages from people being like oh by the way it doesn't get better my 15 year old is still gonna say yeah like great brilliant I think I think once I read that I was like okay I'm not doing this anymore do you know I had some really good mates staying with me last week and um I I went I think I must have had to go out and do a job or something I was out the house for a couple of hours and when we when I came back my best friend Amelia had tidied my dressing like walking wardrobe she was like surprise and I was like oh my god she said you all you do is take care of everybody else this is my present to you she said but can I just check something and I said yeah and she goes what's this obsession with you keeping the tags on the items of clothes and I was like what do you mean she goes well can I just show you the bin and apparently I've got I didn't even know I do it but I take the tags off things off anything and like the stickers and stuff and I just pop it on a shelf in the dress I don't don't throw it away and I was I had no idea so essentially no wonder Luna is exactly the same because I'm a fucking hoarder as well but weird shit isn't it Yeah, I think James does that actually.

6:33I was like, what else did you find?

6:35Georgia Dayton: Yeah, I mean, actually, if that was the worst of it, then you should have got pretty lucky. Yeah, exactly. My God. George, let's get into today's conversation because we've got a beautiful chat to bring to you guys today. Somebody who we both watched on Love Island, and she was the first, I guess, cast of Islanders that went to South Africa. So it was after, it was a post-COVID one, wasn't it? And it was the first time that they had taken the show down to South Africa. And I always thought when I was watching, I always thought she was really brave, really inspirational, very outspoken. But very, she felt a lot more sort of mature, I guess, than the other ones because she was that much older.

7:16Yeah.

7:16Georgia Dayton: And she just sort of came across as a nice girl. Yeah. I thought like a girl's girl. Just, I don't know. Just, yeah, she did. She did seem like she had, yeah, a sort of, yeah, I guess a more mature head on her shoulders than the others. yeah um yeah I mean I really enjoyed watching her and then I guess I didn't really see so much from her because it was COVID and normally like all the love islanders come out and you see them everywhere don't you but that that couldn't happen and then I remember reading her story when she fell pregnant and then everything that kind of transpired after that and thinking oh my gosh how is she gonna handle this because this is you know that you don't see this happen in the public eye very often and I remember she actually just like took it head on and she just spoke about it really openly and probably the best thing she could have done she didn't shy away from it she didn't wait for it to go away she just like faced it yeah and yeah very very brave of her I sort of go back to that comment where I feel like you know in in in these sort of circumstances and we won't obviously kind of talk about it too much in this intro but in these circumstances that there must be a feeling of just wanting to hide away and not discuss it and and and like you said George not tackle it head on but she did the opposite of that and her story is really inspirational it is that it's a it's a tale that takes you on every kind of winding road as well because just when you think oh gosh okay everything's going to be all right then the what then one of the worst things happens to her so I want us to get into the conversation before we before we blow it um and and just yeah just kind of get behind her and I'm sure she'd appreciate a dm because the way she spoke was so honest um we really respected it and thank you so much to today's guests for coming on George who are we talking to in case you haven't guessed we are chatting to Shauna Phillips we are so looking forward to today's podcast uh you might know her from Love Island she was in series six in fact she was the first Love Islanders to go to South Africa just before COVID happens, unbelievably.

9:20But today we're talking about things beyond the villa, from becoming a mum to navigating the highs and lows of motherhood, the realities of parenting, relationships and everything else in between. She's just told us she's a total open book. What we like to hear! So let's dive into the pages. Please welcome Shauna Phillips. Thank you for having me.

9:38Georgia Dayton: Shauna, how are you? How's your morning been? It's been fine. It's been really nice, actually. I was just saying that the weather is not cooking us alive anymore actually quite nice out and I don't want to speak too soon so I've actually had a really nice morning I'm not sweating profusely oh my gosh makeup still on my face just about you look gorgeous thank you and you know what it's funny isn't it because it's nice to have the summer but why can't we just have 25 degrees every day I was just 26 degrees every day for three months yeah I just actually said that on my Instagram story the weather gods this is what we're talking about.

10:13This is nice. If we can just keep it at this, I'm good. What's it like having an eight month old in 39 degrees? Bless her. She's not very tactile at all. She is a female boss in her own right. She doesn't like to be held when she's drinking a bottle. She wants to be laid down, just feed me from a distance. Although when it's really hot, she likes to be on me when she's sleeping. So because I'm not used to her cuddling me to go to sleep, even if it's like 3 ,000 degrees. I'm like, yes, I'm stripping, but I'm just enjoying it. So she's actually fine. The three-year-old is a... Talk to us. Oh, do you know what?

10:54She is going to be one strong, fierce woman one day and I love that for her, just not with me. Because I'm a strong, fierce woman and we can't both be alphas. She's my best friend. She's literally my bestie. and she's got into the habit now whenever I go to work I say but I've got to go and earn some money to get you presents so when I say I've got to go to work today shouldn't you get me present it's so clever what a way of doing it now it's slightly backfired yeah slightly yeah yeah so I'll be um paying her basically in toys yeah Smiths hate to see me coming tell us about the setup at

11:30Georgia Dayton: home so is your elder one at nursery do you have any like childcare support anything like that I'm very lucky. So me and my partner are both self-employed. My mum is working from home three days a week. So although she's working, she still helps me. And no, I don't put Lucia into nursery. And it's not, I have absolutely nothing against nursery, of course. And if I needed to put her in there, if I worked in an office, for example, I would do it. I'm so blessed that I don't have to do that because I just think we have essentially like five years of their life where they're with us full time and it just she's already free it goes in a blink of an eye and and I do get a little I do get guilt because sometimes she says to me I'm bored or like when my partner takes her to the park she goes can we see my friends um so I get guilt in that sense but I think do you know what I if I will take the guilt if it means I get five years of just me and you uninterrupted um and then I'll have to share her with the world it's such a lovely way of looking at it oh I'm I so don't get me wrong there's times two o 'clock in the afternoon where I'm like get me away from these kids but then once they're in bed I'm like was I hard on them was I too hard on them today because it is overwhelming um but no I'm so so lucky and I And I would say probably the majority of working parents, working women, if they didn't have to, they wouldn't.

13:00And not only that, it's an absolute fortune. Yeah. We were just talking about it, actually. Yeah. We were just talking about it, that you're kind of working to pay just for the nursery fees. For someone else to look after your child. Then there's nothing else left at the end of the day for you. It's a tough one. Something has to give because it's just not sustainable. And obviously, nine times out of 10, it's the woman that has to kind of put the career on the back burner to look after their kids. Because if they go back to work, it means that they're just essentially paying someone else to look after their children.

13:32So it is such a catch 22. So I do not take it lightly that I'm allowed to keep her at home with us. And like I said, I will never regret spending more time with her. although she might want to see friends and xyz i'm sorry i'm gonna i brought you into this world and i want to spend 24 7 with you how lovely yeah we've never had anyone actually say that

13:56Georgia Dayton: which is wild no oh i feel like we we definitely didn't say that we were so guilty of like oh my god get them in the crash at six weeks and all that kind of stuff but you need to hear me during the day okay i'm i'm thinking it i'm saying it occasionally there was an elsa toy that got lobbed out into the garden the other day because it was winding me up yeah but I just want her with me all the time and lovely and I'm just yeah I'm just lucky that I have that opportunity before we dive into our sort of motherhood chat with you today take us back to 2020 where you find out that you have become one of you know the latest love islanders what is that experience like for you try and put it into words for us god it was like it was it's honestly like an out of body experience because I everyone's journey to actually becoming an islander is very different like one of my best friends when I was in their page she had about three or four weeks notice whereas I they approached me in like June July and I didn't go on till January yeah the following year so I had all of that time where it's not guaranteed up until you're on the flight and even then people get flown out and never go on wow I didn't know that yeah when you say you were approached how what on Instagram or yeah so they sent me a DM I had like a thousand followers I wasn't an influencer at all I worked for the council I was in democratic services I was not part of that life at all um wow I know and so they they DM'd me on the ITV2 account and they don't ever say it's for love island they just say for a dating show but I knew in my soul it was love island and the weirdest thing I said to my mum I was single and I said to my mum I saw the message and I went downstairs and I said mum I've got this message I think it's love island and I genuinely think if I respond I'm going to be going on and I don't know if I want to I'd like I was just like I don't I feel like it's a can of worms that once you open it you can't put them back in and I'm just a little bit scared because what if it's not what I want and she said if you don't reply I'll reply and from that moment it was never anything I ever envisaged doing I was in politics yeah yeah so it was never anything I kind of thought for my future but I thought you know what I will regret sitting at home and watching it more than I will ever regret doing it um so So yeah, I went for about three or four different stages.

16:26And then it was December. I was in the middle of a general election at work. Love that. And whilst I was doing the general election, I was also sorting out my Love Island wardrobe, getting my visa for South Africa, getting my vaccinations. It was like Hannah Montana. That's mad. How do people at work respond? Well, obviously I was in a very kind of professional environment. Yeah, exactly. But I was so lucky that my manager, Wayne, shout out to Wayne, was just the best guy in the world. He was so, so lovely. And even my team, we was all kind of the same. We all used to love watching Love Island.

17:09So they was all over the moon for me. But I remember saying to my manager, Wayne, promise me, because of where I worked, um I couldn't they couldn't have any affiliation with ITV or Love Island right so I had to leave my job they couldn't just keep my job open so I had to hand my notice in and I was like this feels so alien I've never not had a job what do you mean I'm not going to be getting paid monthly anymore and I'm like actually doing this on my own free will um so I said to my manager please just don't recruit anyone until I'm back and I tell you to please please please and he said after the first week of me being in there he put the advert out because he knew I was never coming back and he actually said I think they had close to a thousand applications for my job he said it was the most they've ever had ever do you reckon that's because they thought they might get a shot at love island maybe maybe they thought yeah if they follow in my footsteps they'll be very very upset they'll be doing the pension committee and what was the whole experience actually like

18:10Georgia Dayton: Like, what's the kind of stuff that we don't see or hear about? Looking back now, hindsight's an amazing thing, but looking back now, it was incredible. I would never, ever regret doing it. Obviously, despite the fact that I've got two kids and a partner long term, if you put it on a plate for me again and I wasn't in this life, I would hands down do it again. And I would always say to people, you do regret the opportunities you don't take more than the ones you take. The things in life you don't do, you regret. because you'll never know um and so it was incredible when I was in there though I was a 25 year old drama queen um I just you kind of revert to being like a like a school student again because you don't know the time you're not allowed to know the time they don't really tell you the day I only knew the day because I was taking my pill when I had the day on there that was the way I knew the day.

19:07Your meals are sorted for you. You don't have to cook. What sort of meals are you having? Like school dinners, to be honest. Not the best. Turkey twizzles and cold baked beans. Weren't the best, but that's prepared for you. You're not expected to wash up after yourself, although I did.

19:24Georgia Dayton: But they show people looking like they're washing up. Or making breakfast. You only make your breakfast. That's the only meal you make. Sounds lovely. yeah it was you had all but it's weird because some of these people that go on there they're 18 and 19 and they've not really had that much life experience I was the oldest in my season I was 25 I wash up after myself and I do my own washing so it was very weird to kind of let someone else take the reins it was nice but I also didn't expect it it was very strange how long after you left the villa did you still have these words got a text going around in your head I do as well and I haven't been on the series yeah I remember the first series after mine um and I think it was the advert that comes on for ITV and the the first part of the advert was the text um jingle and I was doing something I heard it and I was literally like oh god oh my gosh who am I going on a date with PTSD yeah but like in the best way it was just it was just so strange and so surreal.

20:29Georgia Dayton: You said your mum obviously encouraged you to go on it. Yeah. If one of your daughters came to you... I would move... No, no. We'd move to Antarctica. Right, okay. Yeah, we'd live in an igloo. Um, do I want them to do it? That's a good question. Well, if they came to you and said, mum, exactly the same as the scenario of your mum, I've got this message and your mum said, I'll reply for you. Yeah. What would your response be? Do you know what? I hope they make any decision they want to make knowing that they have my full backing. I'm only thinking of it from a parent's point of view. The thought of them being open to the vultures and having people have opinions on them.

21:12That's the one thing I would be absolutely terrified for. But other than that, I'm hoping, please God, I raise two girls that are strong, know their self-worth, and that would be a walk in the park for them. For me as a mom, I don't know if it'd be a walk in the park for me. Did you come out a better person, do you think?

21:32I hope so. I hope I don't come any worse. But as in, did you pick what I mean by that is, was there any part of the experience that left you feeling that you were open to the vultures? And was that, did that play into the narrative as you kind of exited and found your new life, I guess? I remember, so you have to see a therapist before you go on there. and I remember seeing the therapist and she was absolutely lovely loved her so much and she said to me what so how are you going to cope with trolls how are you going to cope with people picking you apart xyz and I said as a joke because I just turned all of my trauma into jokes that they will never be able to say anything to me that's worse than what I already think and I was expecting her to laugh and she's like oh no that's that's not actually yeah and I was like oh no i i genuinely meant i'm sure there is nothing anyone can say i'm my own worst critic um and i guess it depends on when they catch me if i'm in a little bit of a vulnerable mood or if i'm in my luteal phase if mercury's in retrograde and i see a horrible message sometimes i'm like oh that hurt because i would never do that to anyone i would never wake up see someone and think you look awful you look awful you fat bitch I would never ever do that to anyone so I think that's what gets me the most thinking god how can you think it all you like I'm sure we all think things that we would never utter um but the fact that you've wanted to say that to me and you wanted to say it

23:05Georgia Dayton: to me because you wanted to hurt me yeah that's the thing isn't it that's what I struggle with other times I'll see a message I'll see their picture and I'm like if I responded the way I want to respond one I'll be cancelled yeah two there could be a crime involved yeah and also I don't want to stoop to that level I can think it like I said I can think it um so it depends when you catch me the trolls are a funny one right because like you said how much hate does someone have to have inside them right do you know what I've tried to take a new tact with it because sometimes people write shit on my page or sometimes somebody might send me a dm just saying you know you ugly yeah bitch or you know you stupid whore or that was that was a nice one I got recently and I thought oh what do they know about my past um no and I just thought who's been talking exactly what do you know tell me everything I just thought how much sadness and hate must you have inside you to write that and put that on and I I think yeah you know I came from a dating show as well not Love Island we're talking 20 odd years ago and at the time there wasn't social media around now if my girls came to me and said oh I've been chosen for this dating show i would do everything in my power to protect them and not put them up for the vultures like we said yeah but ultimately really the for me the point is is that we have to be able to arm our children with all of that um confidence and i'm not saying that it wouldn't impact them yeah but it's about you know preparation for the outside world which really unfortunately looks so different now to it to it did five to ten fifteen twenty years i lose sleep at the fall do you absolutely I was thinking about it last night I will do my utmost to keep my kids away from social media I don't want them to ever have a phone but I'm not stupid and I know that there's it's going to be kind of keeping up the Joneses and well so and so has it in my class why can't I have it but I will say my mum was when I was growing up was a data protection officer she worked in children's services and I wasn't allowed social media that's not to say I didn't have it behind her back.

25:04But I knew the rules. And I actually think, although I did do it behind her back, because I knew that if I got caught with it, I would be in big trouble. I was very careful on it.

25:15Georgia Dayton: We'll be right back after this short break.

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27:10Welcome back to this episode of Made by Mamas. Now, where were we? My mum and dad were the best parents I could ever ask for. I remember one time, basically, I was trying on some clothes and I was, I must've been about 14 and it was probably one of the first times I was like, I'm fat. Oh my God, I'm fat. And I was having a breakdown in my bedroom and I went over to my mum and dad and I was like, mum, I'm fat and I can't wear this. And they looked at me and they said, stop being so ridiculous and then carried on with their own conversation. And at the time, I remember thinking, they don't care about me, blah, blah, blah.

27:46Looking back now, if they had fed into it, I probably would have thought, oh my God, there is something wrong with me because they're kind of telling me, oh, this is what we're going to do, blah, blah, blah. Where they didn't give it any light at all, it weren't a big deal. It went.

28:02Georgia Dayton: Interesting. Yeah. That's interesting, isn't it? Yeah. And they made me feel like it wasn't a big deal. So at the time I was like, they hate me, blah, blah, they don't care. but now it was the best thing they could have done instead of feeding into my insecurities and going it's okay it's okay what what can we do yeah it's really interesting because i feel like anyone you talk to now and i think the whole sort of style of parenting that we're all fed now is listen to your kids listen to what they're saying try and help them do all of that but i totally know what you like what you mean when you they're almost just like shut it down not giving it any light or like just just and sometimes that does work yeah and and it really doesn't like I said at the time looking back because them teenage hormones they are wild they are something yeah um so at the time I remember thinking they just don't care about me they just don't care and I probably wrote in my diary oh hey yeah but now I completely get why they done it and I hope to do the same for my kids and I'd never want them to think I don't care about their feelings but I also want them to know and I'm probably the world's biggest hypocrite because there's not a cosmetic surgeon table in London that hasn't seen me in my head.

29:21Welcome into Shawna. However when I look back or when I think of it if my daughter ever came to me and said I need xyz done it would absolutely break my soul to think that they don't think their absolute perfection but that's so interesting because because your parents probably would have if they hadn't had the conversation yeah the two of them that's how they would have been thinking as well and yet you've done that so what's the difference so actually when I got my I got my boobs uplifted I didn't get an implant but I got an uplift in 2017 and I remember saying to my mom I was 22 so I was an adult but living with my mom and I remember saying to my mom I'm going for a consultation to get my boobs done and she said over my dead body you're not doing this xyz and I said well I am it's my own money and I'm also an adult so I am doing it right she came to the consultation with me and I took my bra off and she was like so when are we gonna book her in because I had the biggest boobs from the age of 12 wow absolutely ginormous boobs hated them I used to play football when I was young so it was just a nightmare hated them my mum has always had the most perfect little boobs breastfed two kids could still be a page three girl like just and that's what I always grew up seeing my mum's boobs and I remember thinking hers look like that mine don't look like that what on earth yeah and then I'd lost quite a bit of weight they looked even worse so there is a middle ground I was gonna say that's different yeah that sounds like I mean

30:53Georgia Dayton: having your boobs uplifted is very different to trying to you know I mean have massive implants to represent something else yeah that's just improving your day-to-day exactly and I was making them smaller yeah I went from like a d cup to like a b cup it was the best time of my life but then you say that because because even if you did have massive implants you would still be doing something for you that made you feel better whereas Shona went in to have her uplift because she didn't like the way that her boobs looked yeah a bra wrong I'm saying from like a mum's perspective right she's not she wasn't enhancing the way like it was to do with football like you used to play football and you couldn't anymore and they were so big and like yeah I feel like that's a completely different and also actually being sexualized from a very young age right walking in my school uniform having people bib at me people men bib at me what's a bib bib oh right sorry I felt like bib was like code for something no no no I haven't been bibbed at so it's that and I just I just I never liked no boobs I didn't want big and as a girl as a woman we always want what we don't have yeah no so true so I just didn't like them so it was it was she could see that my boobs weren't they they didn't look the way a 22 year old girls should look it was my biggest insecurity I hated them isn't it fascinating the relationship that we have with our boobs i don't know if this is spoken about enough but we're either looking at other women and thinking god wow yeah aren't their boobs absolutely incredible then when we breastfeed or we don't but we go through pregnancy they change shape they're they're different at the at the end of it you know i i've had such a weird i remember a period in my late 20s where i was like fucking hell these are amazing and i would send out photos all the time to people facing i just loved it and now I've got a very funny relationship with them where I'm like, they've fed my babies and that's brilliant.

32:51But now I really don't like them. I don't like looking at them. I've been talking about boob job for so long, was going to have it, wasn't going to have it. Now I think I'm back on. I am going to have it. So it's funny, isn't it? Because they are a part of us. And yet we can feel quite repelled and quite in love with them at various points. It's funny you say, because I remember the therapist in Love Island saying, so what will you do if someone leaks your nudes? and I'm like, as long as it's the 2021, 2022 ones, I'm absolutely fine with it. In fact, can I request for them to be linked? Yeah, only can myself.

33:25And there isn't a sex tape. It's working Kardashian. I'm going to go and make one. And it's so true. And I actually remember, so I had my boob job, boob job, who even says that anymore? I had my boob job booked in. And about a week before, I was in the shower and as we should all do, feeling my boob, having a wash, feeling my boobs and I felt a lump. And in that moment, I was like, all I've been obsessed with is getting my boobs done. And now I found a lump and you're telling me that this could be very, very, very different. And I felt so stupid, terrified, of course. I felt guilty that I didn't just enjoy what I had because there were so many people out there that would give anything.

34:08And thank God, luckily went to the doctors. It was like a blocked milk duct, which if you ever find a lump in your in your boob it doesn't mean the big c but if you find it get it checked because you should always get it checked um so thankfully there was nothing and then it was all back on and it was all great but in that you had them done yeah yeah and in that moment of clarity i guess i remember thinking you have no idea what is around the corner tomorrow within an hour so just enjoy what you've got when you've got it and i know that's so preachy and life isn't always like that but if we can just try and get back to that at any point in any point we're struggling or we everything's amazing we just try to remember that i think we will enjoy life a little

34:56Georgia Dayton: more we'll be right back after this short break

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36:50welcome back to this episode of made by mamas now where were we let's talk about motherhood

36:55Georgia Dayton: so you did you plan did you always want to be a mom was that something you really planned how did it happen for you so i'm not the graphic details yeah well although that is that's what Well, you can if you want. Do you know what? I always assumed I wanted kids because I feel like we just assume, well, of course we're going to have kids. But I didn't know when. I didn't have that dying urge to be a mum from, I guess, in my 20s. I was never like, oh, I want a baby right now. I loved seeing little babies. I was probably the last out of my friendship group that had children. Yeah. so when my friends were having kids it was always like oh my god they're so cute I didn't want one myself um and then I remember so I've been with my boyfriend a couple of years so this is obviously post Love Island you come out yeah then you meet him a couple of years after that is that right no I met him I actually knew him before Love Island but we weren't together and then we got together just as kind of Covid started and I think fast-tracked so many relationships because you're just together and so we've been together six years now right and um yeah met him knew I wanted to be with him great person and then one of my friends told me she was pregnant and it was the first time in my life that I got like I don't know if it was jealous but I remember thinking oh I want that and it was the first time that I ever felt like that and I kind of had it in my mind that I wanted to get to 30 I wanted to get my 20s out the way and then 30 I would start trying I guess um and I came off the pill in March when is my daughter born 2022 came off the pill March um and didn't have a period my periods didn't return I came off of it so I thought you kind of wanted like a year of it out of your system yeah I thought that's what you had to do yeah so I came off of it and then my periods just didn't return and I remember thinking well I'm not going to be able to get pregnant until I've at least had a period and then I fell pregnant in the June of 2022 wow yeah so it was really quick yeah and I hadn't had a period so I was like I didn't even know that could happen yeah um and Lucia my first daughter bless her like I said where I hadn't had a period I didn't I weren't looking out for anything so I went to wireless festival and was very drunk I went to Ibiza and was very drunk I actually had a smear test before I got pregnant which showed that I had some cells that needed dealing with so I had them burn off of my cervix while she was in my womb and I didn't know I know and they didn't know either I didn't do a test or they said are you pregnant and I was like I don't think so I've not had a period I mean they should have done a test I guess but they didn't so she's been through some trials and tribulations in the womb bless her um and then i i was so unbelievably tired didn't even know that that was a sign and i went to have my eyelashes done and i was falling asleep getting them done which me and my eyelash girl we talk the whole appointment so she said you should go home and do a test and i was like really um went home all did a test on delivery with like what's it yum yum all the most insane things you can think of yeah um which was a telltale sign now i know that the amount of things i ordered on this order um and it was like the strongest double line you've ever seen and it come up within a millisecond and i remember thinking what on earth yeah and i think i probably in alphabetical order went through my phone book and rang everyone and was just like hi I'm pregnant I'm pregnant had no idea how far along I was had no idea what was going on there was no like you rang your boyfriend first though right rang him first right yeah just going through like Aunty Maury yeah yeah yeah Brenda ex-boyfriends from five years ago hey Rob I'm pregnant but it's not yours my mum my mum was in Turkey on holiday which was the worst because that was like who I wanted to tell straight away yeah it was just insane and I think when I found out I was about six weeks pregnant so I was hoping I was going to be like five months pregnant like gone past all of the hard stage yeah but yeah from the moment I found out I was a full drama queen I was like I can't do anything I'm pregnant I can't do I can't lift a finger which is so different oh my god I love this so different to your second because you're loving children and suitcases and this when you're your second pregnancy oh but you just get on with it people do not give two shits either when you're pregnant for the second time first time around they're like oh here's a seat yeah and the second time around they're like yeah for you yeah get on with it get on with it yeah yeah so it it was it was always something I just assumed I would have kids um luckily I didn't struggle I fell pregnant quickly and yeah it was the best thing ever but you are a different person from pre-children to post you are just a different human for like everything orders oh god it changes beyond all measures but i think it's really funny that you got out ahead of it and called everyone in your phone book like i remember keeping it really secret and you did as well right and then going to the doctor's appointment we always talk about this moment where we walk in there because you know when you find out you're pregnant you think everybody should know you think you've got it tattooed yeah yeah mother earth a sign above your head and then you go to the doctors and they go you go pregnant and they go right well they go okay fine we can fit you in the free time they just take your word for it you're like you're not gonna check me out what yeah go well how many tests have you done you go seven they go well you're pregnant then oh the second time I kept clear blue in business to the point where my boyfriend said you need to start I was ordering tests in secret and I'm talking I knew I was pregnant I just I was obsessed with testing and I don't know why right okay that's interesting it was yeah a thing well on TikTok it is because I know there's quite a lot of people it was very strange I got pregnant so easy the second time um I was doing my ovulation tracking on on the flow app which I love the flow app and um it was like the my first try I got pregnant the first time super for an owl yeah like don't sneeze near me because I will be pregnant um which now I'm on the coil because I was like I can't do this not not anytime soon please god even though I love the flow app I'm not putting all my my faith into an app um so yeah the second time I got pregnant really easily and I have really easy pregnancies I can't complain although I do I can't really complain and I know some people struggle and it is not, it's just not easy.

43:51Even though I had an easy pregnancy, I swell. From the moment I see those two lines, my fingers swell, my toes swell, everything swells. Oh, mate, I look like Yoda. Yeah, I am not. It's like, oh, my face, my body. I swelled up. I think it's water retention, is it? It is, but from the very moment you see the lines, it's just, it's like something happens. and heartburn heartburn ah did your babies have hair not enough not enough for what i went through oh my god yeah not enough i remember seeing them like is that it is that is that all i've got to show you were expecting like full head yeah yeah well that's yeah the heartburn the heartburn is actually the hardest part of the pregnancy for me because from from like 20 odd weeks i i just can't sleep I can't eat anything anything without having heartburn it's savage isn't it yeah it is down in

44:47Georgia Dayton: Gaviscon talk to us about when you had your daughter and you were I mean you've spoken about it a lot your your first daughter so you were on your own for quite a lot of it and obviously that's not how any of us imagine our first pregnancies to be right talk to us about that experience i had nothing to compare it to so if it had been on my second one i would have probably been beside myself and don't get me wrong when it happened just fill us in shauna because i think maybe people listening might not know yeah so my partner got arrested um jump scare my partner got arrested when i was about seven months pregnant okay um and from the moment he got arrested he didn't come home he was kept in in prison um so that was fun wow I didn't realize that okay yeah literally so we we'd been in LA and we was back for about 48 hours I was doing a Love Island podcast actually um and he was supposed to pick me up and didn't turn up and then his mum come around the corner and I was like what are you doing here she picked me up and then it was all kind of a blur from there to be honest you're in fight or flight mode but um do you know what it was a lot but my my own dad passed away in 2016 and once you've gone through that nothing compares once you've kind of once your bar is there um yeah nothing really compares to that So I do kind of have a, just get on with it.

46:20You just keep calm and carry on kind of mindset. I spiral, don't get me wrong at the time. How bad did it get for you?

46:32It's such a blur because now we're out of it. I'm like, life's amazing. But at the time, I remember saying to my mum, what on earth am I going to do? And my mum saying, you have been through worse than this. and you will get through it. And it was a little bit like the mum, dad, I'm fat and then go and stop being ridiculous. Because again, my mum could have rocked me, consoled me. And she literally said, you've got through worse, okay? Your dad's not coming home. Your child's dad is. So come on, let's get on with it. And I had a baby in my belly that I needed to care for. I couldn't just spiral.

47:11I couldn't just stop eating. I couldn't just do any of those things. even though she wasn't here yet I still had to look after her I still had to protect her um so yeah that that wasn't fun but even at that point it only I knew it wasn't in the public okay so it was although it was bad to be fair actually it was bad because I was waiting for it to be public so I had that yeah oh my god when and you knew it would be at some point at some point yeah and then um the police leaked it to the press themselves which thank you so much that really made my pregnancy so much easier. The police leaked it to the press.

47:47Yeah. Wow. That was really nice of them. But do you know what? Play silly games, win silly prizes. Yeah. So you were seven months pregnant. Yeah. He was arrested and he didn't come back for how long? Two years, nine months. Yeah. Oh my God, Shauna. Did you take your daughter to meet him?

48:06Georgia Dayton: Yeah. Yeah. Which I hated because it's the last place you want to take a child of course and thank god she doesn't know thank god she doesn't remember one day she may know and one day he's gonna have to have that conversation with her um but she didn't know and at the time i was obviously so i think i took her in she was 10 days old because you can't take them in until they've got a birth certificate yeah um so yeah the last place you ever want to take a child, let alone a newborn. And the last place you envisaged being with a newborn baby. Yeah. Well, I was actually there. I was obviously going to see him when I was pregnant.

48:51Yeah. Very, very pregnant. And I remember sitting in the waiting room going, what the fuck is happening here? EastEnders couldn't write this. Yeah. And thinking, am I going to get pictured? Is someone going to take a picture of me here? Did you know, you don't have to go into any detail, and forgive me, but did you know that anything like that was going on? like did you have no I so you had no idea that he was going to be arrested you had no idea that the police wanted him at all no and I didn't know in the beginning because our car he was in our car it was just parked up on the side of the road no one could get in touch with him so I genuinely thought he might have been kidnapped right and we was ringing around hospitals ringing around police stations and everyone was saying no we've not got him so ironically enough when we found out about two days later two days later 48 hours later it was actually a relief I still at the time didn't know what he was arrested for but knowing he was alive and safe was like thank god okay whatever it is we can do with it yeah I still didn't know and was there I mean god how how much back and forth did you do in terms of how much can I forgive because I don't know how I would feel I haven't been in that situation yeah obviously this is the man that you love it's the father of your child yeah been born yet yeah so where did you where did you go to where did you oscillate back and forth so what he actually got arrested for was something that he done before he knew me which wasn't reported in the papers or anything like that and it made it sound absolutely horrific but yeah what he got arrested for and what he went to went away for I didn't know him at the time right so it was something that happened previously that just took that long to come around right um so everyone's got a past of course yeah so true and I only know him as the partner that he's to me um obviously I didn't know him as how he was going to be as a parent but now I know he's just I couldn't even dream of having a better dad for my girls yeah um so you you make a decision at the time and you know what I've had plenty I say plenty I've had a few ex-boyfriends but uh absolutely horrific yeah yeah yeah and on paper great people absolutely horrific human beings yeah and so who am i to judge no absolutely not so you had the first couple of years on your own two years nine months yeah yeah with my mom i lived at home because i'm renovating my house so i lived with my mom which absolute godsend oh absolute god yeah I can imagine.

51:40I implore anyone having a child to go home to their mum. Yes, I agree. You have not met my mother.

51:45Georgia Dayton: But how was it then adapting? Because I can imagine that could be quite tricky when he was there now. So then he was away and then he went to a Category D prison, which is an open prison essentially. And that is at the end of your sentence where you start coming home. And it's to basically integrate you back into society. so he started coming home he used to come home for say I think it used to be three nights and four days a month so that was good for my daughter to kind of get used to him but it's so funny because although she had been seeing him for her whole life when he was then home she would play with him and stuff but she wouldn't be if she hurt herself she wouldn't run to him she'd run to me and if he tried to pick her up when she didn't want to be picked up she would no no no no now I am like chopped liver she is a daddy's girlfriend through when he goes to the gym she's at the window like a little puppy dog and I'm like if only you fucking knew yeah remember me how long has he been out for he has been home so he he was coming home like I said every month for a year I believe and then he came home last August wow so he's been at home from the end of August last year so I guess nearly a year which is insane it's absolutely flown um and he came home at the end of August and I had my second in October wow so we only had a few months where he was home with just me and Lucia um but she has she's just adapted so I mean she probably can't remember any difference yes thank god and I think if she was any older it would have been terrible but I think I remember you saying has Love Island made you a better person I tell you what him being where he was has made me a better person because some of the things that I saw when I was in there like just like children seeing their dads and seeing like the relationship and it's just horrific and although everyone even myself really when you think of prison you think of monsters murderers xyz it's actually not all like that don't get me wrong they're in there billy was never really in anywhere like that because of the crime that billy done that they're in a different place um but you are you just you see that no matter what walk of life you're from you could end up sitting next to someone that is a multi-millionaire and sitting next to someone that has nothing and at the end of the day we're all sat in the same room yeah people are very judgmental though aren't they about those sorts of things you know yeah you could be done you could be wearing a suit and tie every day of the week and living in a certain house in a certain area outside of London and then next minute you could be done for fraud yeah and you could be in prison with you know somebody that comes from a very different walk of life and that's I mean maybe one of the most humbling things about being in a situation like that and I guess that's what you're saying yeah completely so it it has not that I judged anyone previously but it it does bring you back down to earth and you realize and you also see um well and for Billy as well he's seen the effect he had to although prison is punishment his biggest punishment was he weren't there for Lucia's birth he didn't see her for the first 10 days of her life um he he missed all of that so and I think now he's home and now he's had that newborn experience with Sophia I think it's only now that he realizes the gravity of what he actually did miss yeah um because when you're in there I guess it's quite easy to keep that to as far back of your head as possible um do you think he's experiencing a bit of trauma around that a bit of grief um I think when he first come home definitely because there's things that happen in prison that's awful.

55:52And some of the situations, the situation up and down the country, to be honest, is absolutely horrific. It's kind of at a tipping point. And something has to give, don't get me wrong, but I mean, I'll tell you just firsthand. I went to, he'd done an FA course when he was in there. By the way, when he was in there, he'd done his maths GCSE, he done a football associations course wow he done a carpentry course amazing so he yeah and he he done all of that while he was away he wasn't just away rotting away he was actually doing something with his time while he was in there um but he done an fa course and me and lucia went to like a graduation ceremony when we was in there and because of like miscommunication while we was walking in there me and lucia who was less than a year old was stuck on a wing with all of the doors open because someone took us away they shouldn't have and the doors weren't open for us because we weren't supposed to go that way so me her and this other girl and her child was stuck on this wing of prisoners.

57:02God. What's that like? The most terrifying thing I've, not the most, but one of the most terrifying things I've ever been through. Because I was at that point with my baby, like get me out of this place right now. Yeah. And I don't talk about any of this because I don't want to give it life. What happened with Billy's in the past. Of course it is. Yeah, and I don't.

57:58And order ahead for delivery or in-store pickup. Michael's. Everything to celebrate anything. It takes the hits, runs the miles, rebuilds while you sleep. It's felt every fall, every dance floor, every belly laugh. And in return, it asks for nothing. It just keeps going. I'm Ellie Taylor and this is Back Your Body. The podcast from Holland and Barrett that's all about the most loyal relationship you'll ever have. The one you have with your body. from scars to self-care the bits you love and the bits you've learned to love we're talking to people about the bodies they live in how they've pushed them neglected them rebuilt them or finally learned to listen to them it's time to back your body the way it's always back to you back your body subscribe now your body will thank you and not only that the more i talk about it the more the press run with it the more there's people out there that will judge me which okay whatever but yeah there was scary things that happened when that and yeah I just and then I just drove home and you just go for it it's insane do you

59:03Georgia Dayton: know what though is I love the way you talk about it and like how you can put a positive spin and you're taking a positive from a bad situation did you face a lot of judgment not I'm not talking about from people online but just from family friends anyone like more in your circle no and I didn't or not not that I know of yeah yeah but I will say I am from a working class background I am from southeast London I uh like very very southeast London and unfortunately this isn't uncommon in where I'm from my walk of life this like although I don't have any family members or anything like that that have ever been to prison I'm sure my mum has been on prison visits before yeah um which she would hate me saying because my mum's a solicitor now go on Tracy go on Tracy but I'm not from the shires like this is just unfortunately it's just how things are in some parts of the country um and I think that's another thing that's probably why I've got on love island so well because I've nothing phases me really no you seem incredibly strong yeah you do yeah you seem incredibly strong yeah but and I probably put a lot of that down to my dad's illness my dad had cancer so at that point I I could only be strong I was 22 so I was trying to be my mum's support while my mum was probably trying now I know trying to protect me as her child because I can never imagine my daughters having to feel like they need to support me but I tried my best with my mum.

1:00:45Has that impacted you? Oh, absolutely. It has. Yeah, I would say the death of my dad. Obviously the death of your dad, but being there to support your mum. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too much? No, because it's the greatest honour of my life. My mum gave me everything. So I probably had to support my mum younger than a lot of people need to. But no, absolutely. And I would do it all day long if I had to, yeah. Was there anyone supporting you? No, but I'm strong, yeah. I don't feel like I needed it. Yeah. Yeah. You just, do you know what? You just get on with it. And when you've got a parent that's got cancer or any other illness, which can be kind of gradual, you have to stay positive until the very, very end.

1:01:39even when my dad was in hospice care and it was imminent we were still positive we were still like you just you feel like you do your parent or any family member a disservice by giving up yeah so you just have to keep positive um so once you've gone through that and once my dad was over six foot a big man big strong man seeing him change dash trauma don't get me wrong that is absolutely horrific but yeah I will I will always try and make my mum's life better and I hope I took some stress off of my dad in those months yeah so I'm holding it on for dear life I'm holding it together what now yeah thank you for sharing no no that's your story is really inspirational and from my from our side We obviously don't know you that well, but I have a very strong feeling that your girls will grow up incredibly brave, incredibly fierce and with a really fantastic outlook on life that you've got to go and get on with it.

1:02:47It can't beat you. You've got to beat it. You have to. You do. What's next? Because we've got to wrap up, George.

1:02:55Georgia Dayton: Yeah, exactly. Just before we go. What is next? Do you know what? I really, this year is the first year that I have said yes to every event, every podcast. Yay. Because luckily I've got my co-parent back. So I've got childcare. I don't have to just rely on my mum all the time who is also trying to work. So that was hard. So now I've got Billy home. We're trying to build a business together. we are trying to survive trying to renovate a house which oh my god is worse than any child birth I've ever gone to give me a c-section all day long um so I'm just trying to raise these raise these kids yeah build this house build this business just taking a few things on then just taking a few things on and I've also decided that I want to take on the manosphere I don't know So it's, I see things online and I used to really try and just ignore it and keep quiet.

1:03:56So I was always terrified of people coming at me. And I don't know what it is about having children, especially girls, that has made me so angry, but also so determined to not be quiet to not be timid and to not be scared of uh insulting someone yeah because we've said it on this podcast something needs to give something needs to change yeah and i'm seeing things especially at the minute while the world cup is on the sexism the misogyny the vitriol to women is just rampant and poor billy says to me all the time just just don't because he hates to see what people say back to me. He knows it affects me.

1:04:45But I just think, do you know what? I'm not being quiet anymore and I'm not making myself more palatable for people. And actually when you start ignoring the voice within, that's when things can get really bad, I think, because you're having this internal tussle. You're like, I know I should speak up, but I don't want to take the hate. Just a step into that bravery is really powerful.

1:05:02Georgia Dayton: Yeah, I think if anyone can, you can. It's Sean I can. Just quickly, the best piece of advice that you've been given around parenting or the piece of advice that you'd like to impart to a parent listening? Okay, a few. So when I was in labour and I didn't want an epidural because I thought it was weak, oh my God, my midwife said, no one leaves here with a medal. And I was like, do you know what? Give me the epidural. Yeah, and actually you can take that into so many aspects of parenting. Yeah, yeah. And also being a parent is bloody hard. Oh, another thing. Don't worry about your daughter or your children's screen time.

1:05:38worry about your screen time because I'm always like she needs to get off the iPad she needs to get off the iPad meanwhile I'm scrolling scrolling scrolling scrolling yeah it's got to be a concerted effort right it has to be and practice what you preach because nothing comes good from scrolling unless you're scrolling my Instagram please engage Shauna takes on the manosphere coming to a screen near you Shauna thank you so much for coming on the podcast Shauna Phillips everyone thank you for having me thank you she's just so great I just I really really really enjoyed it I yeah I really was going into it thinking gosh I'm not sure what we're going to get here or or kind of like you know sometimes we get guests on and and and they won't kind of maybe dive in as deeply as that and I always really respect it because it is you do feel vulnerable when you're kind of opening yourself up for public scrutiny but she does she does it with so much sort of confidence and and like I said it in the intro

1:06:31Georgia Dayton: bravery yeah I was gonna say she's got one of those sort of attitudes where she just faces things and I love that like she she's not trying to sugarcoat anything she's just sort of showing you the reality and I'm sure that's why people really like her and can really sort of relate to her as well um so yeah I mean I loved her absolutely she was great um so yeah thank you Thank you so much, Shauna. We really do appreciate it. Yeah, I hope you guys loved listening to today's episode. As always, we'd love you to rate, review, subscribe and please give our podcast a follow. Yeah, and if you've got any feedback on this episode or guests you'd like to hear from, drop us a DM on Instagram.

1:07:11Georgia Dayton: We're on at Made by Mamas and we'll be back on Friday.

1:07:18Gosh, Louis Farouk's going to be in touch soon, I'm telling you, because some of the shit I've been through.