Don't Let Money Ruin Your Relationship— Instead Follow These Tips from Jason Tartick

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3:15Money can't buy you love, but it sure can cost you a relationship because financial conflict is a huge source of tension for so many couples. Today, I'm talking to Jason Tardik, entrepreneur, host of a top business and finance pod, Trading Secrets. And yes, he was on The Bachelor, but also he worked in banking for 10 years, so he really knows his financial stuff. We talk about money and relationships because he is knee deep in this topic while writing his latest book, Talk Money to Me. We talk about how not to let money ruin a relationship, but we also go way deeper. We talk about Jason's experience with being scammed, which companies he's bullish and bearish on, and what Elon Musk is like at a party.

3:52Here's Jason. I want to jump into the intersection of love and money, one of my favorite topics. In your latest book, you outline eight questions that people need to ask their partners. I could not agree with you more. These questions are always hard. They're always awkward. They're always weird. But you can make them fun and sexy because you're really talking about your hopes and your dreams and your goals and your life together. So how do you start those conversations with couples? Yeah, I mean, anytime I think you enter the discussion of money and love, it becomes like, oh, like, where do I even begin, right?

4:23But I think in any type of conversation regarding love, there's so many hard things you have to step into. And we know that like all at the end of the day, conflict is growth trying to happen. And we know that there is so much conflict when it connects love and money. And the statistics out there are wildly alarming about what happens when we don't discuss money in our relationships. And so knowing those statistics, like 50 % of couples don't feel comfortable even having conversations around money. or those that do have conversations, three quarters of them say that it creates material tension in the relationship.

4:59That gives us an indicator that we really need to step into it at some capacity. And so what I always say is like, when we think about money, it's just like, we initially are like, what are you making? What's your net worth? What's your debt? And it's like, whoa, slow down. Yeah. Like a police interrogation with the flashlight in your eye. And it's like, well, we can have fun. Like think about, you know, when you go out to drinks with your friends or a bite to eat, like the fun conversations you have about whatever it is, Maybe it's gossip. Maybe it's current news or what's happening. You could do that with money.

5:27And the classic example I give someone is like, if you earn or win a certain dollar amount, you get paid that amount today, like$50 ,000 or$500 ,000 or$100 ,000, you've got to spend every dollar. How exactly are you spending it? And just in that answer, I can learn how you prioritize money, what your relationship is with money, et cetera. So I say introduce fun ways to these conversations because it's hard to step in to the ones that aren't so fun, but we know we have to. We know we have to. What if somebody has a financial skeleton in their closet? As you know with the stats, financial infidelity is real, which just means infidelity around money.

6:04So cheating on somebody, infidelity physically can happen, emotionally can happen, it can happen financially. So what are some ways, let's say you're the one with the financial skeleton, What are some easy ways to make that confession a little bit more comfortable? Well, first and foremost, I think that everybody, everybody has some form of a financial skeleton in their closet. At some capacity, there's some type of skeleton that needs to be worked on. Literally from billionaires down, we all have something. So we're all there together. But the biggest thing is identifying them. And I think, you know, we live in a system where we, you know, we don't experience massive pain that it causes us to actually have to fix things immediately.

6:50Another example I always give is like when you have a cavity or you have a super big pain point, you have to immediately fix it. And with finance, like it's not set up. It's a slow drip. It's a slow burn. And some people say like, well, what are financial red flags that, you know, you look for in relationships? I'm like, if you have financial red flags, that's great. Let me just see them because we know statistically, as you said, it's 43 % of married and cohabitating couples have one person that are committing, at least one person that's committing financial infidelity. So let's see the red flags.

7:19Let's understand them. Let's not blame, shame, or weaponize. Let's work on ways to improve them because within personal finance, with quick, quick solutions, you can see quick results. You know what we say here at Money Rehab? The only financial problem you can't fix is the one you don't admit you have. There you go. That's the way to solve that question right there. So are there any financial deal breakers in your opinion? I think there was this big New York Times article where this woman who got out of debt was dating this guy and he had a boatload of debt that she found out about it. And she was like, yo, this is a breaker.

7:55I'm not here for this. What do you think? I mean, the problem with that is like, especially someone who's let like over$100 million in the banking system is like, debt's not terrible. And in fact, almost every large company that does revenue of over$10 million and greater needs debt to grow. Debt can be an amazing tool to build wealth. But it's like, what kind of debt does that person have? The big question is why? And with those behaviors, have they been fixed? Are they going to continue to repeat? The big thing I hate about hearing headlines like that is we hear one thing and we have been trained in the finance world to immediately assume the negative connotation with it.

8:35We hear bad credit and assume all this negativity. There are a lot of people that are worth multi, multi, multi-million dollars and some that have terrible debt or terrible credit score. It's okay to have certain issues. Let's understand them. Let's identify them and see if those patterns are going to repeat or can be fixed. That's it. That's it. In my book, there was an example we had of someone who kind had a situation that was wildly the example of financial infidelity, but she's making less than her husband. They got married pretty quickly. He said that he'll pay half the mortgage via Venmo or Zell.

9:11And she had belief in that because she did see that he made more. So her name's on the mortgage. They put both of their names on the deed. And then the day they closed, the IRS owned the entirety of her home because he had all these back taxes that were due. And so I think if If we don't have these conversations, if we don't step into them, we're not doing our due diligence. And guess what? She went through a divorce. She was carrying his debt. She ended up getting happily remarried to a really supportive guy. They together paid off his debt, the prior husband's, and now live a happy life. So that's the thing with finance.

9:44It can be fixed once identified and we need to get rid of judging. We had somebody on the show who was in a different situation, but he was broken up with because he wasn't making as much as his girlfriend at the time. And she wanted him to be making more. This feels like a uniquely male problem in hetero relationships. I think what advice would you give men who are feeling finsecure or like financially insecure? Oh, man, I would say go to therapy and figure out what the real issue is. Right. And we're seeing right. The wage gap is tightening. And in my opinion, it's 100 percent going to flip.

10:21And this concept is something that needs to be broken into, that needs to be shattered because it is completely backwards and asinine. Totally, totally agree. There's always something that's financially trauma related that's leading to these issues. So getting to the core of that is super, super important. I want to quickly double click on something you said because our listeners might be wondering, debt is good potentially. And we've talked about this on the show, but just to be clear, what kind of debt are you talking about? You're not talking about a boatload of credit card debt. There's good debt, there's bad debt.

10:53You can use debt to create more wealth in some capacities, but also it could be a red flag. Yeah, correct. Correct. I think the short answer is, is that like good debt is any type of debt instrument that is used to hopefully support an appreciating asset of some nature, right? We know historically real estate United States appreciates, right? So a mortgage is collateralized by the home. And, you know, of course it's more of a generalized statement, but in general homes, United States as a macro perspective, appreciate when we like a credit card debt. Credit card debt is considered a bad form of debt because you are likely acquiring assets that depreciate or have no value, which is why I'm sure all your listeners know when you tie the risk associated with any form of debt with an interest rate, you know credit card debt's going to be the highest interest rate because the bank is taking on so much more inherent risk because there is no collateral for that debt that's being deployed.

11:46And so when I talk about good debt when it comes to businesses, I'm talking about companies that are buying equipment to continue to grow. I'm talking about companies are buying real estate to grow. Companies are supporting their employees through a line of credit to grow. Companies that are using debt to acquire other companies. So there's a lot of forms in which you can use debt as a strategy to acquire appreciating assets. And that is night and day from assets that are bought through dollars that are spent on experiences or material items that depreciate in value. Stocks, not stuff. I like it.

12:22Back to love and money. What do you think couples should do with their bank accounts? Do you think yours, mine, and ours, something joint, a secret account? No secret accounts. I think the biggest thing in finance, you need full visibility to everything you have and to everything your partner has, especially if you are married or cohabitating. like 100 % pure visibility into everything and where it goes. When you have visibility, it absolutely eliminates all gray area. When I think about joint accounts and separate accounts, at the end of the day, there is no cookie cutter solution for anything finance.

12:59It has to be customized. That's why I like some of these conversations could take weeks, months, even years to figure out after like material, material due diligence based on everyone's circumstances and what their overall profile looks like. That being said, I think a good solution, I'll give you one that I recommend in my book, It Talk Money to Me. If you have a 15 to 20 % income within one another, I think putting a joint account and having your own individual accounts are good. Creating an amount that you can both contribute to your individual account and then operating as individual entities as well.

13:34But at the end of the day, net worth is your baseline for cash inflows and outflows. And even to go back to that earnings conversation, the amount of people I know that have less earnings than their partner but have more wealth is significant. Earnings is just one small part of the equation to building your overall net worth. And so that's why another reason to just immediately judge it is it's just it all, there's nothing intuitive about it. And, you know, all of these financial conversations get more complicated. They become like the advanced financial discussions when you have kids, of course, And then you start talking about wills and advanced directives and all of those other conversations.

14:12So when you start having kids, it's a whole new cluster of financial questions. Former bachelor Nick Vile and his wife, I have in my notes, I have a baby that's almost four months old. What advice would you give them about setting their kid up for financial success? I think that Nick's kid is going to be set up quite well for financial success. Nick has had a ton of success. So any advice I'd give to anyone that has a newborn is, you know, before that newborn even comes to this beautiful earth, have a 529 set up. All the birthdays, all the religious celebrations, all the graduations and everything in between, you know, friends can contribute to a 529.

14:55But you have to have that account set up and it is the best way to contribute to a child's future. And as we know, time, I'm sure all your listeners are well aware of the impact of time on growth and making money on your money. And so making sure that you are putting money in a place where you have all your tax incentivization set up with time moving in your child's direction is huge. And so make sure you're consulting with a CPA, make sure you're working with an investment specialist or doing your own due diligence before you decide the investment selections in these 529 plans or wherever it is that you are saving for your child's future.

15:34But it's like anything, just like retirement, the earlier you start, the better you'll be off. Yes, it's time in the market, not time being the market. Correct. Exactly. Nailed it. All right. And well, a lot of a lot of reality people I've never seen a bachelor or a Real Housewife show. So I but I know I'm the only one in the history of the world. But a lot of Real Housewives cast members have come on the show and talk about financial dysmorphia or money dysmorphia. And this has been getting a lot of play lately. What would you give as advice to reality alums who are dealing with this type of thing?

16:08Yeah, I mean, this is very prevalent with Gen Z's too, right? We're seeing right now that the credit card debt that is being amassed by Gen Zs is higher than any generation before. Obviously, inflation playing an impact on that. And I think that the problem is like everyone knows it. Like you're trying to keep up with the Jones. You try to keep up with Instagram, try to keep up with the Kardashians, everything. And the only person at the end of the day that you're impacting is yourself. And it's weird that finance and therapy actually connect in a lot of ways. And one thing I tell people to consider is behavioral-based budgeting.

16:42So that's the idea of going to look at your last three credit card statements and just pay attention to outlying purchases. You don't have to do Excel files, like calculator work, just literally scan it and just ask yourself why. What was the purpose of that purchase? Are you a people pleaser? Are you sitting at dinners feeling like you have to pick it up or you have to buy a drink? Are you someone that's trying to impress others through your goods or what you're wearing or where you're going and how you're going and what you're doing. And I think through that, you can understand behaviors about yourself.

17:14And the only way that you'll be able to cure those things are by working on yourself. And so one example I always give is like, I was 21, I'm going through my credit card statements and I just see bar tabs that are exorbitant. And I'm like, listen, I like to have a good time, but there's no way I could drink that much. Well, started to do some therapy within and looking at my behaviors. I was struggling with confidence. I was struggling with identity. I was in a city I didn't know many people. And where was that actually impacting me? My wallet and my credit card bill. I'd throw my credit card down, open a tab and say drinks on me.

17:46And so that was actually a me issue. And I think through our spending, through Gen Zs, through reality stars trying to keep up with other reality stars, it's actually behavioral issues with us that is showing up in our spending. And we can learn a lot about ourselves based on how we're executing transactions with our money. And once we work on those issues, you'll see a huge impact and return on our wallets. I agree. I mean, I think you probably would suggest actual therapy could be helpful. But what you're saying is do your own sort of DIY therapy by asking yourself like why? What was the purpose here?

18:20Precisely. Exactly. Hold on to your wallets. Money Rehab will be right back. And now for some more money rehab.

18:35All right. We are both finance nerds. I would love to play some financial games with you. If you're down. Let's play some financial games. Let's go. All right. I want to do a round of financial never have I ever. Let's hear it. All right. Split the check on a first date. Never done it. You? No. Been in debt. Been in debt. Never been in debt. Fought with a significant other about money. Oh, yeah. Maxed out a credit card. I have maxed out a credit card. So I paid for my MBA. You might need a little other hand. Yeah. I did a little thing where I had a 0 % interest rate credit card for 21 months, but I was working full time.

19:14So I put my tuition for my MBA on my credit card, knowing that the cash inflow from my job was coming, but I didn't have to have interest on my debt, like with student loans. But I did max out my credit card for that. I'll let it pass. Do you know your credit score, side note? I think it's like 815 or something like that. Yeah. I think mine is probably lower than that. I think the last time I checked it was like 780. Okay. Again. That's great. I mean, that's incredible. That's incredible. You've beaten this down over and over, but the impact of credit is so significant on your cash outflows and the entirety of your life, what capital costs you.

19:57For sure. But also don't get obsessed with having a perfect one because I correct that. Yeah. You don't need a perfect one. You just need a good one. You'll get the same benefits as everyone in the range of good. For sure. Uh, been fired from a job. Yeah. Signed a prenup. No, I encourage it though. Agreed. And I think women should suggest it. There's a stigma that like a guy's going to make me do it. No, like my prenup's ready to go. Absolutely. Discuss it. Uh, first of all, it forces you to step into it. Second of all, your state already has a prenup for you. It's the law they create, customize it.

20:33And another one for your audience, which I'm assuming based on like this discussion is a very female based post numps are huge, right? Like if you are a caretaker after you're married for your family and you are putting your career on hold and your earnings and everything else that could come with the power of if you were working, but you are providing, which creates such massive value for your family entity as it is, a post nump can really help protect you in those circumstances too. Okay, I'm done. I love it. Never apologize for a financial rant here. Gambled in Vegas. Oh, yeah. Fallen for a scam.

21:09Oh, yeah. Disputed a charge on a credit card. Disputed a charge on a credit card. Oh, 100%. That's one of my favorite things, too. Had buyer's remorse on a big purchase. Oh, yeah. Bought a house. Negotiated a raise. oh yeah invested in a company that went bankrupt oh yeah written a wall street journal bestseller i don't know one loss writing a book sucks i mean like i love it it's there forever i love the impact but it's brutal huh i'm on my fifth one god oh i need to take birth control i know yeah All right. Next game. I want to throw some bizarre headlines your way in the intersection of love and money and get your take.

22:07OK, let's do it. A man went viral after asking his date for a refund after their unsuccessful first meetup. He paid for her drinks on their first date. And a few days later, he asked her to go on a second date and she declined. So in response, he asked her if she could Venmo him back for their drinks. was it fair for him to do that? No, it's ridiculous. It's just ridiculous, right? Like financial transparency is not etiquette. Like you can't go, you know, return something that is like an experience. Like you're, it's just ridiculous. That's, you know, I, I mean, I hear stories like that and I'm just like shaking my head.

22:42So no, I don't stand for that. And I think it's absolutely ridiculous. And I don't think, I think it's so important to know that people see headlines like this and have these conversations because they make for good conversation. But this is not what we're talking about when we're saying you need to talk money with the people that you love and feel comfortable about it, right? This is a guy who is a loose cannon. And I think it's a good thing that there wasn't another date. Agree. A recent study shows that almost two in three Americans believe that spending more on a date will lead to a successful relationship.

23:17Should people be thinking about dates as an investment? I don't think it's about the dollars spent on a date. I think it is about the time and thoughtfulness intention that's applied to it. And I do see what people would say that if I'm deploying time and resources and effort, I want to think about it as like, I want it to go well. I want them to know that I'm putting something into this so that I see a personal return and happiness. But I don't think that has to do with dollars deployed, because I think you could do a lot of creative, intentional, thoughtful dates that could actually go a lot further than just money deployed.