Say “I Do” To a Joint Bank Account? Sharna Burgess on Wedding Planning and Financial Planning

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2:53That's the power of us. Equal housing lender. Member FDIC. Trademark 2025 U.S. Bank. This episode is brought to you by Bank of America. I'm Nicole Lappin, the only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some money rehab.

3:18I am somewhat of a romantic. I mean, I was a poetry major after all. So yes, I do love love. But what I'm obsessed with now is love and money and making sure to protect both in our relationships. What I think we all heard growing up when it came to money and relationships was what's mine is yours. But I think we've collectively grown out of that so-called conventional wisdom and can graduate to a better philosophy. Today I'm talking about this with Sharna Burgess, who's a dancer, a Dancing with the Stars alum, in fact, and a podcaster. I was on her podcast, Oldish, that she co-hosts with her fiancé, Brian Austin Green, yes, from 90210, and life coach, Randy Spelling.

3:54I honestly had so much fun on her show, and I put her and Brian on the spot about whether or not they were going to get a prenup. That was about a year ago now, so today I'm checking back in and hearing about Sharna and Brian's approach to money in their relationship now. And I give my favorite strategies for setting good financial habits as a couple.

4:14sharna burgess welcome to money rehab thank you for having me i'm so excited that you're here i'm so excited that i'm here too i loved when you were on oldish so getting to hang with you i loved being on oldish that you co-host with randy and your boo brian yeah you guys are on zoom so url but now we're irl yes we are and so is oldish too we're irl and now oldish is irl and people are seeing it on YouTube and they're loving it it feels so good for people to be able to see the content too I never realized how important that was it's not just the conversation some people love to watch it so yeah it's super fun I'm gonna invite myself back yeah you should we would love to actually it's so funny when you reached out to me to be here with you Brian was like you're kidding I literally thought about her this week to bring her back on oldish because we she was so amazing we would love to have you back I have some thoughts because when we were on last time I've been dying to ask you about follow-ups for what we talked about specifically around the prenup.

5:14Yeah, right. We haven't even gotten into that. Our wedding is so far away. We're so busy at least for these next 12 months. And what I do know is I want to go big with it. It doesn't mean it's in a castle, but I want to be able to have all the money in the world to do all the things, fly my family from Australia. And we're not in that position right now to just blow all of that money on a wedding. So I'd rather wait for us like a year or two for all these jobs that we've got coming up and then be in a place where we go, yeah, let's do the whole thing. So how is the wedding planning going? It's just on hold because we haven't necessarily set a date and we're also just incredibly happy and busy and in our parenthood era.

5:56And it's like trying to plan another thing on top of all the things we already planned feels chaotic and feels like another task we're just not prepared for right now but we have talked about what do we want to do is it a big massive thing or is it small and I definitely keep going back and forth but what I do know is I want to be able to bring everyone I love from all over the world and I want it to most likely be a destination thing and I want it to be not just a one night but also the week of I grew up going to these Russian weddings and European weddings and it's not just the wedding you know it's an extravaganza and I love that I love the parties before it because all the guests get to know each other so by the time the wedding comes around everyone's mates everyone's had drinks everyone's on a really great page with each other and then you have the after party and then you go home so we need a big budget for this babe we do we need a big budget for this wedding wedding rehab yeah wedding rehab this is exactly what we need but catch me up so when I was on with you guys.

6:56I could just feel even URL. You have so much chemistry. You and Brian are just so cute. I just couldn't stand it. It's wild, right? We knew there was chemistry on the very first date when we sat down and we lost time, right? We spoke for nearly four or five hours and shut down the restaurant and almost missed work. And we did that a few more times before we even kissed. And I remember thinking, God, it feels so fun being around him and talking to him is so easy and it's just it's amazing and we've had so much life happen in the last four years that we've also discovered we're such a good team so it's not just all chemistry and fun but we are really great at keeping each other accountable and grounded focused we parent well together it really does feel like an amazing match doesn't mean it's all peaches you know what I mean yeah rainbows and butterflies we certainly have our stuff everybody does everybody does but we work through it together which is great did somebody introduce you guys yes we have it's the weirdest thing our mutual business manager he's been with laurie for 20 plus years i've been with her since just before i was 30 so almost 10 years and she said to me one day she said i've got a client that i really think you should meet he's ready to date and every time i'm with him i think of you and every time i'm with you i think of him and it's the weirdest thing and she's a business she does my taxes and makes sure i don't spend too much money help me buy a house lady yeah she's your kind of lady she's not a cupid and so it was the weirdest request that it was like how can I not say yes to this I've totally got to say yes because I was also trying the dating apps and trying the things and it's just horrendous dating in LA is the worst and so we went on this date and she said to me she said it's uh Brian Austin Green I was like okay cool who's that I had absolutely no idea looked him up oh I know that face and on paper dating Brian Austin Green could have been very complicated.

8:49Everything he was going through, he's already got kids. I knew I was probably going to be with someone that already had kids. Why? Because of age. At that point, I knew I wanted someone grown that had experienced life. I didn't want someone younger than me necessarily. And at that point, some people have kids already. So I was already open to it. But on paper, there was already four kids and an ex-wife that was currently going through divorce at the time. So you would think on paper, oh, that's a lot of red flags. That's a lot of stuff. Maybe not, but it was the easiest thing I'd ever done. And there's, I don't know what kind of magic that is other than it was just the right energy, the right frequency and something about it just meant to be because it still feels like the easiest thing I've ever done.

9:35Also some financial magic. Okay, Lori. I know Lori, wild. Don't underestimate your financial advisor. She reminds me of it every week when we catch up about business things. She'll be in the wedding party for sure. She has to be. She introduced us. So you use her now? Yeah, she's still our business manager. So she works with both of us. Has it changed how you guys work with her? It's interesting. She works with us individually, both the same way. And we have our own stuff and things. But we also have our home accounts and our things that are for the both of us that we put into every month. and she puts the same in for us or she lets us know where we're at if things need to be adjusted because someone hasn't worked as much or whatever life is life she's helped me understand taxes and money and being better at being accountable for it because before her Nicole let me tell you when I came to Los Angeles and started earning tv money I spent every dollar of that tv money not understanding or not realizing had a bad business manager before that that didn't keep me accountable for anything, didn't help me build credit.

10:43I was in the worst of ways before Laurie came along. And she's taught me a lot since then. You spent every dollar. What would you say to younger Sharna who was doing that? Stop. And you, well, you know what? It's wild. I didn't realize I was doing that because I wasn't going and buying Louis Vuitton handbags. I was spending it on convenience. I was always, I was buying extra stuff at the airport that I didn't really need on the plane, always valeting, always this. It's all the little things that would add up. Buy a thousand cuts. I could have cut all of that back, bought two Louis Vuitton handbags that year and still had money left over if I had just paid attention to the way that I was spending.

11:22It was overspending on convenience and just the abundance of things that I didn't need, overspending on having more than I needed just cause, or I don't know if I feel like eating that or that so i'll get both terrible but there is like mindful eating there's mindfulness in so many other aspects now i like to talk about mindful spending too because you can do it or you can online shop without even realizing just paying attention to what you're paying attention to when it comes to finances goes a long way it really goes a long way and so when you guys have your own account it's yours mine and ours is that how you guys split the finances Yeah.

12:05And I don't know what he has personally. Like I, well, I know ish, but I don't look at it. Do you know what I mean? That's his business. I have my business. We're very transparent with each other. If anyone's having a month or two where it's like, things are a little tighter this month or whatever, we'll be open with each other, but I'm not on top of his finances and he's not on top of mine. We have Laurie for that, but I don't want to be either. I think for me, I have trauma with it because I watched it destroy my mom and dad. My dad had a business. My mom tried to help because she was an accountant and it just, it didn't work.

12:40The money conversations in the house were really rough. So I also have an aversion to knowing too much about what's going on with him. I just need to know we're solid or if we're on rocky ground and like where we're at, but I don't want to know. I don't want him to feel like he has to tell me. And I don't want to feel like I have to check in on it all the time. Cause I feel like it's one of those things. Once you unlock your boyfriend's phone and you start going through his stuff, you'll unlock it every week to go through his stuff. And I don't want to do that to someone's personal business. I just want transparency if you're having a hard time and let me know what you need from me to assist with that and vice versa.

13:17It's amazing that you know where that comes from. Like you have some clear financial trauma. Yeah. Did your parents get divorced? Oh, yeah. Over this? Over finances? Over many things. They honestly weren't the greatest match in the world. They stayed together for me. And so all the things went wrong with them. And it was a pretty tumultuous household. But one of the big things was money. My dad was terrible with it. Terrible with spending on convenience and some of the little habits that I'd picked up. But he also had this idea of wanting to appear that he had more money than he did. So it was the house that we rented.

13:52It was the cars that we drove. It was all the things that he'd spend money on, luxury things to appear more wealthy than he was. But the crazy thing was that I did pick up from him was he earned so much money. He just spent it all and didn't live within his means. And so therefore he had nothing at the end of his life. And there is a whole lot of money trauma and financial trauma there. I lent him money so much as an adult. He blew it on all sorts of crazy things until it got to a point where I had to cut it off and say no. I had to stop enabling him that way so I'm always constantly aware of a fear of being like him now that I've learned about money more than when I first got here because I don't want to end up like him you know wow it sounds like you recognized early on some of the patterns though that you were seeing in yourself that you picked up from him is there anything you have to stop yourself with if you're if you're noticing that you're trying to keep up this is probably keep up with the joneses keep up the kardashians keep up with whoever that idea that you might have inherited from him do you notice him in some of your financial habits now not so much the keeping up with the joneses but i certainly love nice things but it would be more the convenience spending.

15:14If it makes it easier than, yeah, if it saves five minutes, then yeah. Valet all the time. Sure. I love that. It's just something that's built in me and I have to be a bit more aware of that, which I am now. I'm certainly having kids put those priorities above your convenience and comfort. I'd rather save for things for them than spend on convenience things for me. So that's also changed my spending a lot, but I reckon I will never forget the first time I sat down and got a statement of what was left in my account. And I think that year I had earned$480 ,000, right? That's a very decent amount of money.

15:49And there was, after paying taxes at the end of the year, absolutely nothing left. Like we're talking less than five grand that was going to be left in my account. And I did not understand. I thought there was fraud. I thought there was something going on. Someone's taking my money, like all of this. And I got moved over to a new business manager and she took me through all my spending. She's like, no, Shana, look, here's where it's all going. And I was floored, absolutely floored that all those little things ended up costing so much money. And that's where I made my adjustment. Because it's not ultimately what you make.

16:23It's what you keep. What you keep. You said that. And it never left me. It's never left me. It stuck with me. And honestly, chatting with you, it stuck with me. And that very simple line of not what you make, it's what you keep. I get and have been so focused on make more, make more, make more money driven, make more instead of keep more, keep more, keep more. Yeah. Or invest more. And it's not even below your means. The adage is live within your means. Yeah. If you live within your means, you're spending all of it. You have to actually live below your means. It was Bri that said, what was it?

17:00Who was it that said? I think he said it was he was listening to something about Kevin Hart or whatever and how he spends his money. whatever some other celebrity with a hell of a lot more money than us but he would cut it into three sections half of it gone don't even consider it money which I absolutely do he said and then what you've got left half it again put half of that away and then what you've got left is what you can spend on your life on your expenses on your luxuries it made so much sense to Brian it made so much sense to me and so we really do try and do that a lot of the time every now and then when you're looking at your account and you're like oh but we could spend it all on this one thing or we could go big or we could refurnish the whole house it's like let me think about that for a second so we try and be as sensible as we can save some live within to under our means it's hard it's so hard especially with kids it's actually funny because that's advice that you give kids as they're learning about money you have a share spend save account so those three buckets so this was kid advice that we took excellent so it's the basics 101 of money saving but it's true as you're thinking about kids like they're watching you yes everything you do yeah they whether you spend whether you save i mean look you saw it with your dad yes and it imprinted on me and i don't want that to happen to them and they're also very good at saving their money they've been given the gift cards and the cash from the grandparents whatever our 12 year old has a thousand dollars and i'm like hold on so why wait what a thousand so good at saving our younger journey he's even got probably like six hundred dollars they've all just saved up over the years of christmas money and gift cards and admittedly some of the sums that they get given for the tooth fairy are well beyond what the tooth fairy delivered for me It has been going great for the tooth fairy.

18:53Girl, I don't even know. Listen, I got a$2 coin when it was the tooth fairy for me in Australia with those little gold coins. But when they lost their first tooth, I wasn't present for this. It was a$100 note. A$100 note. I'll pull my teeth out right now. All of them. Let's go do it. We'll get veneers afterwards. And we had a conversation about that. I was like, babe, it cannot be this. This is crazy, the expectation on that. and he was like no it's just the first one because it's such a magical thing and then it's five dollars a tooth after that I'm like oh it's hard to it's hard to go from a hundred to five I know but yeah so they actually are very good at saving money and not spending theirs and getting us to spend ours how did that happen I think because the lesson has not been taught yet of all right if you want this then you get to spend your own money for it and I don't think either of us actually realized how much money they had saved up so it would just they took it seriously so now we do if we go to target we go to anywhere if anyone wants anything special that is outside the realm of what you need then that has to come out of their money and it changes very very quickly when they realize how much it was we were in a store with one of my kids the other day they picked up like three to four things got to the counter and when the bill came through for 200 they were like huh and they're like no we'll just put three of those things away yeah so they only spent like fifty dollars it's crazy to ask kids how much things cost or like start teaching them just directionally like how much a house is or a car yeah or little things yeah at the grocery like a thousand dollars you're like yeah sort of also asking kids how old you are is pretty depressing I would avoid that at all costs.

20:41Yeah. So when you guys have Lori look at your joint account, do you do it as a set amount or do you do it as a weighted amount? A weighted based on what we're earning that month. We make sure that there is obviously more than enough to cover what our monthly expenses are between house expenses, kid expenses, insurances and cars, life expenses like that you share all of it actually cars is individual but like home bills and also kids stuff is all in there we share that and so we just make sure there's enough in there certainly if someone hasn't brought in enough that month she scales it down if the other one can pick up the slack on it but it's a case-by-case basis because of the way that we work in the industry that we're in one minute it's flowing and it's massive and it's amazing and the next minute you're like i've to buckle down for six months and it's a little bit tighter so it's really not a set thing every month in the way that it works we have a conversation if we need to and adjust from there yeah because if you have something more consistent one way to think about it is to do like yours mine and ours and then if you put a percentage in and it's 50 like it feels more weighted if somebody makes a million dollars 50 is 500 grand and the other person makes 100 grand 50 is 50 grand but it feels like the same sort of weight versus a set dollar amount.

22:08Yeah, I agree with that. Sometimes it can feel unfair if somebody is bringing in different amounts of money. Of course. But as you guys are, it feels fickle or like jobs come, projects come and go. Have you had to psychologically come to terms with the idea that it could be feast or famine, but not that extreme? We're thankfully not in that position. And thankfully we've had amazing careers that have set us up pretty well, but certainly when, and the way the industry has been recently, when you go for long enough without those massive checks coming in, you think, Oh, how long is this going to last for?

22:46Let me look at what we've got. Let me see how long until we start freaking out. And I've certainly had those moments. Like when I first said no to dancing with the stars and then that second year came around where they didn't bring me back. I was like, wait, that's now two years in a row without the TV money. Let me let me just look because I'm thinking, oh, we're sweet. Like I'm going to get to the end of the year, going to make that money. We'll be fine. And so I absolutely had to sit with Laurie and look and be like, am I good? Do I need anything? Am I in freak out mode? No, you're fine. But obviously don't go buy another house or don't go buy three Louis Vuitton handbags.

23:22Like you don't know when the next job is coming in. I feel like even since we last talked, you have started thinking more about not getting squirmish about money because when I was on your show, you guys were a little weird about it. You got to think we, what was that? A little over a year ago. It was pre-baby. It was pre-baby. So let's say a little over a year ago. So much life has happened in those four years. So we're still catching up on all those things and conversation. We had a baby a lot quicker than we thought we were going to. I was on birth control at the time and Zane was just meant to be here.

24:00It was divine timing and I'm grateful and he's perfect. But we were like, oh my God. And so I think because life was just in like a tunnel at full speed for a second there, there were some conversations that just got missed. And we never had to worry about those things because we'd always been fine. But then of course you bring up money and you're like, we've never actually spoken about all of this with each other. was dance over the subjects with each other and it did it opened it up much more I'm so good at dancing Nicole that I could just dance right by it and no one would know that we just didn't even think about talking about it but now it is a conversation because it's accountability and it's transparency and like I said I don't want to know everything that he has but I do want transparency to know what state we're in if I need to help if you're not good if you're having a freak out about it let's talk about it let's figure out how we can bring more in together like whatever that is but I don't want to be over his books because I feel like I'm not your mom and that's not my job and I feel like that takes away some of the romance in some way for me because of my parent trauma but uh we do have better conversations now and I do think a lot of that opened up because we did the podcast with you absolutely like when we left it Brian got all of your books we have all of them in the house he was so into it we constantly send each other all the things like some of the stuff you share on instagram or money conversations and tips and ideas so it is we're growing and we're learning you are that's all you can do that's all you can do it sounds like you've opened up these conversations not only about your current finances but your future finances and what that looks like and goals have price tags and planning for that did you revisit the prenup conversation we haven't we have not i think we blacked it out

25:53hold on to your wallets money rehab will be right back and now for some more money rehab

26:05did you revisit the prenup conversation We haven't. We have not. I think we blacked it out. But it's definitely a conversation that we need to have. And I honestly think that even Laurie would take us down that road once we get to planning this wedding and truly setting a date. Because I know that she's got a lot of clients that have obviously been through divorce and all sorts of things and has seen the horror stories of it when there's not a prenup. But, yeah, it's a great idea. But we have not done it yet. I'm happy to help. Yes, we can reach out to you. Sorry, Brian. Party. Let's definitely not do it as a podcast.

26:41Podcast party, for sure. Totally. You said when I was on the show that something about it gave you a vibe of distrust. Yeah, it's like there's all, no, not anymore. I think that it was this belief of, oh, but you're preparing for it to fail. But I don't see that now. I don't think of it that way, at least. I think protecting yourself is a beautiful thing. And knowing that there is security and comfort there in that and that everything is fair and you've made the decisions, I think it's incredibly smart. Because you have health insurance, right? Yeah. You know, think of it as like sick planning.

27:14Yeah. Car insurance. I don't want to get sick, but just in case it happens, I need to have something in place. Exactly. Yeah. We shouldn't think about prenups as divorce planning either because we don't think crash insurance for car insurance. Right. It's just protecting yourself. I think they just get a bad rap. It can feel really awkward. But if you take back the power and the ownership of that conversation, it takes away some of that awkwardness, I think. I agree. Or start the conversation. If somebody is feeling weird about it, once you open up about something vulnerable, it gives another person license to do the same thing.

27:50Agree. But somebody has to go first. Yes. To be like, listen, baby, this is our big, beautiful life. You, me, Zane, all the kids, the whole clan, all of our hopes and dreams. This is about planning and a vision. You can vision board around what that looks like for you. And then, oh my gosh, I love you so much. We've been in our money rehab era and prenups and are just a part of that discussion. I think it needs to be for sure. It doesn't sound super bad when you think of it that way, because I think you just reframe around really what your hopes and your dreams are versus what the scary death destruction outcome could be because it's not really about that no i don't think it is it's like you said you have health insurance you have car insurance and you have a prenup anyway with the state the state decides oh right and you don't want the state to decide you can if you want to but ultimately California gives you a prenup whether you want it or not do they I mean it dictates the terms of a community property state or if you live somewhere else it would dictate any terms and so it's I think it's nice to just be able to take control back from the state and say okay whatever this is how I want it there have been some interesting guests that we've had who put some crazy clauses in their prenups too oh really yeah like what tell me Rebecca Minkoff came on the show, the fashion designer.

29:19And she said that she put a floozy clause in her prenup so that if she dies and her husband remarries, then the new woman doesn't get any of the money. It's a floozy.

29:33That's amazing. Okay. Yeah. So people have been rumored to have date night clauses in their prenups. Not a lot of this is able to be upheld and I am no lawyer for sure. We have Laura Walser on, who's an amazing divorce attorney, who's talked through some of these crazy clauses, but it's almost like agreements between couples. Like we have to go on date night. If we don't go on date night every two weeks, then this is null and void. A lot of it, it's not enforceable. Date night clauses. Who'd have thought? I love that for people. So I'm clearly pregnant. Yeah, you are. It's amazing. Look at you.

30:09Zane is two now, right? Zane is two and four months now. Yeah. It's crazy. and so what do you think I should be thinking about what advice would you have that it is the greatest best most enjoyable beautiful and also the most excruciating period of your life it will change you to your core in ways you could never possibly imagine suddenly that little one's going to come out of you and you've unlocked a whole world of information that you didn't know you knew it's like a whole other part of you opens up that always existed it was just waiting like a video game for the next level unlocked and there you are and trust your instincts because of all of that trust your instincts even the parent the mother's in-laws and the whoever that comes around you know that baby on a cellular level you are connected you just know even as a new mom where you feel like you are just fumbling the ball all the time and you don't know what's going on you know and usually that first instinct that you have is it act on it just trust yourself because you're born for it and you created that little life and you know better than anyone what it needs thanks sharna it sounds like you could want to go through this again oh i do totally want to go through this again.

31:32This year is crazy, but I'm going to put out there, we've talked about it, that hopefully maybe the end of next year, we're looking at getting pregnant because I'll also be 40. And even though my eggs are fine and whatever, medicine's wonderful, but it's still, I want to be as young as I possibly can be. So I'm hoping somewhere near the end of next year, we're looking at getting pregnant. And that's also why the wedding's on hold too, because I don't want to be in the first probably six to nine months postpartum because my body is still stitching itself back together and hormonally I'm still trying to find my balance so the wedding is probably about two years away but hopefully there's another little one have you guys thought about any financial planning for Zane or like custodial Roth IRA or 529 or any of those types of plans we've started talking about that stuff but no we haven't put anything into action we also want to pay our own kids like the most recent one I said to Briar I was like we absolutely need to make them a part of our companies because then we can go on family vacations and call them retreats like all these bits of information you get to learn now on Instagram it's amazing but we haven't done that yet and I think there is that what is it up to 12 ,000 a year you can pay each kid that becomes tax-free right am I on the right track you can contribute to custodial roth area up to$7 ,000, which would be the retirement account for them that could grow by the time they retired.

33:01Wish we had one for when we were kids. I know. That would be amazing. But yeah, Beyonce, I think, and Jay-Z put Blue Ivy. They sampled her Cry, I think. I know, and put it on one of the tracks. And Drake used his kids' artwork or something like that. And so there are a lot of, for you guys especially, there's a ton of ways that you can use your work to pay them out of your business. And then from there, like the custodial Roth IRA part, you have to, they have to be making their own money to contribute. So of the 12 ,000 or whatever you give them, 7 ,000 can go right into that account. And what's cool about the Roth part is that it comes out tax-free.