10 Things I’d Tell My Teenage Self

0:14Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of my sister's diary. I'm your host Sam. and how's everyone doing this week? How's everyone doing? I've had a not chaotic week, I would say, but like an interesting week. I'm debating if I should tell you because I don't know if it's TMI or not, but this is a podcast where I talk. So I had, nevermind, I won't say it. It's too personal. Anyway, I had to go to the doctor and yeah, and then I got stung by a freaking wasp and I think I just forgot how bad that hurts because I swear on my life I've been stung by a wasp before but this one was like no other like I got stung I didn't I didn't see the wasp I have no idea if that's actually what it was just based off like my symptoms and like comparing what it looked like to pictures I can see online I'm pretty sure that's what it was but I was we were at like the beach we're at a lake and we're at the beach and I was walking towards the water and I had like a bunch of sand toys in my hand and then I felt like this super sharp pain in my arm and so I literally threw the sand toys and it hurt so bad I was like my arm was shaking and I was like what just happened to me so I look around I see like this gaping hole I mean it's not gaping it's like the the size of like the point of a pin but I see this little tiny hole in my arm and start swelling and like it feels it hurts so bad.

1:45I don't know how to explain it. I don't know if I'm just like a giant baby or what was going on this time or if it just was like a big fat wasp. I have no idea but it really freaking hurt. And then I was talking to some some of you guys on Instagram and a lot of you guys have had a similar experience where you get stung by a wasp like when you're an adult and it hurts really bad and like some of you guys had bruises for a couple days and I won't be surprised if this does bruise because it has been really swollen and just really painful like to the touch and it's on like my inner arm and so it brushes against my side like as I walk and that hurts it's really annoying anyway so yeah I had to be on antibiotics and then not for that not for the bee sting but then that happened after like the bee sting happened after that and so I was just like I am falling apart I know it's really not that big a deal like definitely I'm fine.

2:39Nothing's wrong with me. I'm good. But it just kind of like as a mother, as a mom, I think you guys could relate. I mean, as a human probably too, but like as a mom, specifically of little kids, it's hard whenever you're feeling like even a little bit under the weather to just have to like pack it all in and just keep trudging forward. Like you don't get an off day. You don't get a sick day. You don't get a day to just like sit around and do nothing. You can't do that. You have to just keep on keeping on. Yeah. Anyway, that's that's my little intro for today. I already talked about it on Instagram.

3:13But if you don't follow along on Instagram, now you know the wasp tea. Okay, today we're talking today we're talking about teenage drama queens, specifically me as a teenage drama queen. I'm talking to my younger self. But I think a lot of you guys can relate because I think a lot of us have a similar teenage experience. experience. If you're around my age, I don't know what I'm, I think I'm a millennial. I think so. Then you probably were in the age of like ratted hair, if you were a girl, ratted hair, like the big bump it with like the little mini bump it with your bangs. You know what I'm talking about?

3:52And like Aeropostale and Hollister clothing, and it had to have like big, bold letters across the chest so that people knew you were wearing Aeropostale or Hollister, right? And let me think. There was like instant messenger, but it wasn't called that. It was like AIM. I don't know what that stands for. I don't know. I just remember getting on like Windows and chatting with my friends. That just like brings me back. I tried to get access to my very first email account that I had, but it was a Hotmail account and Outlook has taken over Hotmail and I did get into it. I got access to it, but guess what?

4:31They freaking deleted all of my emails. All of my emails are gone. And I'm like, why would I need this account if all my emails are gone? So that really bugs me. You guys want to know what my email address was though? It's not really that embarrassing, but it's still kind of embarrassing. It was soccerqueen.sam at hotmail.com. And I don't even think I really played soccer that much when I was that age. But, and then I followed it up with my new, more mature email, which was samc underscore turtles at yahoo.com. And guess what? I used that dang email way too long. I used it into college and that should have been embarrassing and I shouldn't have been accepted into college with an email address like that.

5:13But I was. Also, it was my Apple ID and my Facebook login for so long and I didn't know you could change it. I had no idea. It might still be my Apple ID. I don't know if I ever changed it, but it was definitely my Facebook. And I had lost access to that email for a while. And I was like, oh my gosh, if I get walked out of Facebook, then I'm done with Facebook. But I found I figured out how to change my email address on Facebook. So all is good. But anyway, that was I don't know why I went on the email tangent. But I think a lot of us also had embarrassing emails around that age, too. So that's just that's just how it was.

5:48You know, I think we can all relate to that. I'm trying to think of what my husband's was. It was embarrassing, but I can't remember. I should have I should have asked him and wrote it down, but I did not. Anyway, this podcast is all about, you know spilling our secrets that's why it's called my sister's diary right we're reading our sister's diary we're getting the tea we're doing all the things we're connecting with each other so today I'm going to read you some of my diary entries from when I was a teenager although I did struggle to find any because I used to have a journal that I kept when I was a teen like an angsty teen you know like 15 to 18 or whatever and I threw it away I threw it in the garbage.

6:28And when I was an adult, because I was reading it, I was like, this is so embarrassing. I don't want anyone to ever see this. And I regret that now. I really, really regret that because I wish I could go back and just like see the headspace I was in because I was wrote from the heart, you know, like I wrote like no one was going to read it because I was really good at hiding it. I was really good at hiding that journal. And yeah, I really, I really, really wish I wouldn't have thrown it away, but I did. So I had a hard time finding like my teenage journal entry. I do, however, have a journal that I got from a teacher when I was in third grade, and I kind of wrote in it periodically throughout the years.

7:08And I think I have a few that I'm planning on reading later on in the episode. But yeah, and if you're watching on video, hey, here's my journal. It says Harry Potter. Harry Potter was like all the rage. I think it literally just came out the very first one. But before I jump into the things I would tell my teenage self, I am going to cite the tone for you guys. I'm going to tell you kind of what I was like as a teenager and I'm going to take you through like the early years and like late teens so you get the whole scope of who I was. The year I entered my teens, the year I entered teenhood, I guess you could say, was 2008 and I think a lot of us remember 2008.

7:46It was just kind of a weird year. I think that was like the recession maybe. I'm pretty sure Obama was president. Anyway, I turned 13 that year and I don't remember it being like significant really in any way. Like I don't remember turning 13 and feeling like, oh my gosh, I'm an adult now. But also during that time, I was like refusing to grow up because I didn't want to have a period. I was like actively detesting the fact that I was going to have a period because it was too embarrassing. It was too embarrassing to have a period. I simply would have rather died than have somebody hear me change my pad or my tampon in the bathroom.

8:20Absolutely. I would have rather died. I'm not kidding. And I was not, I, I, for a long time, just would try to go like a whole day with just one pad. And that's disgusting. It's not sanitary. Okay. And it's because I was so deeply, deeply insecure. And I don't even know, I think a lot of girls struggled during this time of like, You didn't want people to know you're on your period because everybody was kind of like starting their period and boys would make fun of you if you were on your period, which is not cool. But yeah, I just didn't want to like add any more angles for people to make fun of me of.

8:58You know what I'm talking about? But yeah, I guess let me tell you a little bit about my friend situation in junior high. During that time, I was really struggling with friends. I remember I always had like a best friend but also it's you know that that sound on TikTok that's like yeah well I'm your best friend that was kind of the situation like they were my best friend but like I don't think I was their best friend like they had other friends that were not friends with me does that make sense like I don't know they had other friends and I I didn't really or I would try to be friends with their other friends and you could tell that they did not want to be friends but I just remember trying so so hard to fit in with the cool kids and I was literally ready to sacrifice my firstborn child in order for the cool kids to accept me that's how deeply I wanted to fit in and for some reason I thought it had to be the cool kids it had to be them like I wasn't willing to open up my mind to like other kinds of friendships because I just wanted to fit in so bad.

10:05I don't know how to explain it. You know what I'm saying? Anyway, okay. And I was just trying so hard to fit in. And it was really a tough time, honestly, because I just didn't have, I didn't feel like myself because I was trying to be somebody else in order to fit in. I was trying to be like other people that I wasn't really like. And I don't know, I think that creates a lot of anxiety when you're not being like authentic to yourself or whatever. That's at least what my therapist says. So, okay. Oh, let me tell you though, when towards the end of junior high, I, well, not really. It was more like the beginning of high school, kind of like the summer in between junior high and high school.

10:48I started getting some more friends because I started playing soccer and the first team I got cut from, which is fine. It led to, you know, a lot of good things because it forced me to work harder. And I think I was just in the, like, I also tried out for volleyball and basketball and I got cut from all three teams. And it was really devastating to me. But honestly, I was just in it for the friends. So I get it. I get it. I get why I was cut. I wasn't there. I wasn't like taking it seriously. So that makes sense. But I did continue to go to practices for the soccer team. The coach let me keep going to practices.

11:27And then eventually I started playing on the team again. And then high school soccer came around and I got into like running shape, you know, your conditioning, whatever. And I figured out like I was really fast and I was like, wow, I might be kind of good at good. I might be kind of good at this. And I think that helped me gain some confidence. And then like the ball started kind of just rolling, I guess. And I started getting more friends and people that I felt like I could be myself around. And I think that is so, so important. And then let's, let's shift, let's shift a little bit from, from friends to the more like typical thing that teenage girls, you know, are obsessed with, which is boys.

12:13And I wouldn't really say that I was boy crazy, but like, I always had to have a boy that I was talking to or a boy that I had a crush on. You know, I couldn't just be like chill. I had to have somebody that I was chasing after and I would fixate on a boy. Like I would fixate on them and just be like, I have to have that person. And then once they like liked me back, I would instantly get the ick, you know, like I, I, I don't know how to explain it. It was like, you know how people say, mostly when they talk about guys, like guys like the chase. I liked the chase when I was a teenager. I think because once I realized that they liked me too, it made it too real and then I got scared and so I was like no I looked for things that I didn't like about that person but this was um yeah interesting high school years were also like my most intense years of body insecurity um I think that comes from both angles of like boys and friends because I'm just trying to, I don't know, I think I, it's like consumed me, honestly.

13:22It consumed every second of my day. Like I was always thinking of how I could make my body smaller. And that to me, like if I was smaller, then I would have more friends and more boys would like me. And I just like really connected those two things. There's not really much else I can pinpoint. That's really important context to share for this particular episode. But one last thing about my transition into adulthood and my mindset at the time, because I'll briefly talk about, well, not briefly, this will be kind of included in my things I would tell myself. So graduating high school for me was so, so hard.

14:00I was not ready to let go of my friends. Like, they had become such a big part of me and, like, my personality, and I relied on them so much for that. And I was really scared. And I didn't tell a single soul how scared I was. Like, I didn't want to move out of my house. I didn't want to move on from my friends. I was worried my friends were going to get other friends that they liked more. And I was just gonna be left in the dust. And it was it's always been really hard for me to make friends even now as an adult. And so I was just like not confident that I would go to college and find a group of friends.

14:33So yeah, that was that was hard and I didn't tell anyone like I just like I said I didn't tell anybody that how much it scared me and that I wasn't I don't know ready and I wasn't excited about growing up like all my other friends were they're like I can't wait to move and go to college and I was like yeah me too but in the back of my mind I'm like no I don't wanna I don't wanna go that kind of sets sets gives you guys an idea of what I was like as a team obviously this is like condensed into a nutshell. And I think most of these things are a lot of what a lot of other girls struggled with during their teen years.

15:08So let's, let's go through it. These are the 10 things I would tell myself, my teenage self, the 10 things I would tell my teenage self. And they're really not in any order because I couldn't like rank them that way because they all seem important. And some of them are like silly and goofy and some of them are a lot more serious. And I kind of tried to mix it a little bit together. So let's start off number. I'm going to count down. Yeah, no, I'm going to count up. I'm going to count down because that's how it is on my paper and I'll get confused. Okay, so 10 is Aeropostale and Hollister don't make you cooler or whatever name brand you're insistent on having.

15:44Chances are you won't even wear them because they're not comfortable. You'll probably get a size that's too small because you'll be insistent that that's your size. And you should just wear whatever is comfortable because then you'll be more confident. Like if If you're more comfortable in your clothes, you're going to feel more confident. You're going to feel good. And I don't know, buy clothes that fit too. On the same note, buy clothes that fit you because guess what? You're going to be the same exact size if you try on pants that are too small versus pants that fit. Your body's the same size in both pants, but one of them feels better.

16:16So why not wear the one that feels better? You know what I'm saying? If they're too small, you're always going to be uncomfortable and you're just not going going to be able to, to, to feel good. You know, no one likes, no one likes having tight pants. It's just not, not, not fun. I do remember though, having my mom begging, begging my mom to let me buy Aeropostale, Hollister, Abercrombie, whatever, all those things. And she did, she did buy me some of those, but I would, I wasn't comfortable in them. I would buy them too small or they just weren't my style. And so instead, I wore this giant, ugly hoodie.

16:55It was a black hoodie. Every single day, not kidding. Every single day, I would wear over top of my clothes that my mom had bought. And I also wore these like hideous, well, actually, at the time, I thought they were pretty cute. They were like knockoff Ugg boots, and they were brown. So I was wearing a black hoodie with brown boots every day because I just didn't feel comfortable in the clothes that I had bought to wear for school. Instead, I like wasted money and I don't know, even in like 95 degree weather, I would still wear this. So if I had just bought clothes that I felt comfortable in, I could save my family a lot of money on deodorant because I wouldn't have been sweating so much because I wouldn't be wearing a hoodie everywhere I go.

17:34Okay, number nine. Number nine is for the sake of you and the people that have to look at you, stop overplucking your eyebrows. Stop it. put the freaking tweezers down. One day you'll be sick of plucking them and your eyebrows will never recover. Your eyebrows will never recover. You'll have to keep them pencil thin unless you want to have holes in your eyebrows like me. I have holes in my eyebrows because they never recovered. And on my wedding day, on my wedding day, this followed me into adulthood, okay? My thin eyebrows followed me into adulthood. Actually, during high school, I went through a phase where I liked, it was 2014-ish.

18:12I don't know, the like block eyebrows, you know, where you draw them on was just becoming popular. But then I stopped doing that. And then I made my eyebrows pencil thin again when I got married during that time. And they were literally so freaking thin. Like, you can barely see them in pictures. It's ridiculous. But also, when I first started like wanting to tweeze my eyebrows. My mom never really tweezed her eyebrows and not that she needs to. I think she has great eyebrows, but I just like was never taught how. And I don't think we had a pair of tweezers that was like, these are eyebrow tweezers.

18:48So you know what I did? You know what I tried to do? I used fingernail clippers. I used fingernail clippers to try and shape my eyebrows. And yes, they left a gaping hole. Yes, I absolutely chopped off half my eyebrow using fingernail clippers because who does that? Who does that? That was probably just me being weird. But yeah, don't use fingernail clippers to shape your eyebrows because it won't work and you could severely hurt yourself. So yeah. Okay. Number eight, the cool kids aren't the ones you'll remember or even care about when you're older. You know, you want to find friends that you can laugh with until your stomach hurts.

19:23And those are the people who will love you for being yourself. You don't have to pretend like you want to find people that you have fun with genuinely. Like you don't have to pretend any part of you. You don't have to wear a certain kind of clothes in order for them to like you or not make fun of you. Those are your people. You want people you can be comfortable with. And I don't I think I figured this out more into my teen years. Like I had best friends that I could absolutely laugh until we couldn't breathe. And we didn't do a lot of like competing with each other. I feel like because we were so like comfortable.

19:55I mean, we did. every teenage girl does this with their friends, I think. But we, I don't know, I think most of the time we were just hanging out, like having a silly, weird time. And that was, that was, I mean, I feel like that really made my high school experience, having friends that I could genuinely laugh with. Like, that was so much fun. I wish I could tell my junior high self this, though. Like, I wish I could tell her, I mean, and maybe the cool kids would have been, would have been good friends for me, but like I was just trying to be their friend because they were cool. Like I wasn't willing to expand my circle of who I would be friends with, I guess.

20:35I don't know how to explain it, but I should have just tried to find people that I could laugh with and I would have saved myself a lot of like heartache and angst if I had just figured that out earlier into my teens. Okay, next one. Number seven. Boys are not oxygen. You don't need them to survive, okay? You do not need a boy to have on your roster every minute of every day, okay? And just because a boy finally likes you back doesn't mean you're required to keep liking him either, okay? If you get the ick, it's totally valid. Also, I feel like the ick could be your intuition telling you, like, that person isn't right for you.

21:14or it could be, you know, your insecurity and that person could be the love of your life. I'm just kidding. But yeah, boys, I don't think, I think you could try and drill this into teenage girls' heads over and over and over again and they'll never get it because to them, boys are the most important thing or like crushes or whoever are the most important thing in the world at that moment and nothing else matters. And you need validation from them. You need approval from them. And I wish I could go back and like, just tell myself, you do not need a boy to like you in order to be good enough. You know, you don't need a boy, you just need yourself.

21:52Okay, I wish I could go back and tell myself that. Because I remember, like I said earlier, I was just always chasing a boy. And it was ridiculous, because I couldn't just like, I don't know, I think I would have had more fun if I was just more chill about it. Okay, next one. Number six. Okay. I want everyone to listen up. I want me in January to listen. January of this year. Stop dyeing your own hair. Stop doing it. It does not look good. I repeat, it does not look good. Okay? It looks bad, especially if your mom would pay for someone to do it if you just asked her. so like why not just ask her just leave it leave it to the pros okay trust me on this one your hair will never recover from you bleaching it yourself it will take years and then on top of that when you dye your hair like a box dye color and then like if you're going to if you're going to say you ignore my advice and you're gonna dye your hair anyway and you dye it with a box box color you don't need to do your whole head every single time you want to touch up your roots you don't need to put the color on your whole entire head.

23:01You can just put it on your roots because then you have like six layers of dark hair color on your hair and it's going to take forever for you to go back blonde if that's what you want. So yeah, don't do it. Don't freaking dye your own hair when you're a teenager. Okay. If you're going to do it, just, just go to somebody, especially if you're just doing one color, it does not cost that much money to go to somebody and just say like, Hey, I want my hair brown. You know, they can do it. Okay. Number five, or just like save up your money until you can't afford to do it. Okay. Because chances are you're going to spend a lot more money trying to fix the hack job you did than trying or just going to somebody.

23:39Also, you need to put down the scissors. Don't cut your own bangs. Don't do it because they never end up looking good. I did this when I was an adult too. One time I decided I wanted straight across bangs. I've done this so many times where I wanted straight across bangs and I'm like, yeah, they'll look really good. But I hate having hair in my face. I hate it. So I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to have straight across bangs because they're in your face all the time and you have to do them or else they look crazy. So yeah, don't cut your own hair. Don't do it. Just wait. And if you have the urge to cut your hair, if you still have that urge by the time you make an appointment, then it's a good idea.

24:18Yeah, you should cut it. But guess what? Likely the urge will pass because you shouldn't do it. Don't do impulsive things with your hair. Just don't. Okay. Number five, you don't need to update your Facebook status with every single emotion you're feeling. You know, nobody cares. Nobody, this, Sam is tired, is not interesting to anybody. Nobody wants to read that. And stop fishing for compliments or posting like something ominous to try and get people to message you. Like I would frequently post things like, wow, I really wish people would stop being so grumpy like right after I had had like a little fight with one of my friends like they knew I was talking about them they absolutely knew or I'd be like wow I wish that like something would happen at school and I would post like something about it like vaguely but not like use any names or like talk about the internet but like people knew what I was talking about and but I just wanted other people to ask me like oh what's wrong or oh what happened you know I just needed attention but don't do it don't do it that's not really a thing anymore but like I wish I could go back and tell myself if you want to talk to somebody just message them just talk to them you don't have to have like fish for things number four this one is very important I literally wish I could go back in time and like wring my own neck and be like listen to me take your damn contacts out at night take them out I permanently damaged my eyeballs because I would wear one a day contacts and I would leave them in for days at a time like I would sleep in them I know I didn't have the right there's a lot of questionable things I did okay I did a lot of questionable things and sleeping in my contacts was one of them now I can't wear contacts for very long because I get bumps on the underside of my eyelids and they like pull my contact up first of all and it feels like I have sandpaper in my eyes when I do it and it's really freaking annoying and I don't know why I thought that sleeping in them was a good idea I don't I don't know why because it like my eyes hurt my eyes hurt like just wear the glasses if you if you really are going somewhere and you don't want to bring contacts or whatever, just bring your glasses.

26:16Okay, number three, stop worrying about what size of jeans you're wearing. Literally stop thinking about it because people come in all shapes and sizes and you just need to get over it. That's it. You just need to get over. I spent so much time and wasted like so much space in my brain obsessing over how small I can make myself and guess what? Shrinking yourself does not make people love you more. It doesn't. People don't care. They really don't care how big you are, how small you are. They just like you for you. Like being silly and goofy and weird and present, that is what makes people love you more, being yourself.

26:49Okay, next one. This one is also one I wish I could go back and hit myself on the head and be like, listen. Number two, a little advice about the period panic, the panic you feel when you're on your period. No one in the bathroom is listening for the crinkle of your pad paper. Nobody's listening. Nobody cares. And if they hear it, they don't care. They're not going to like go out and be like, I heard in the bathroom that Sam had, I heard some crinkling in there. So she's probably on her period. And if they do, like big whoop, who cares? You have a period. There's literally nothing you can do about it.

27:21And also they are probably all worried about bleeding through their own genes. They're probably just worried about themselves. Like no one's thinking that much about you. Just change your pad or your tampon and move on with life. Being sanitary and healthy is way more important than the chance that someone might hear your pad paper or you opening a tampon. Nobody really cares about that. Okay. Nobody cares. Last one. This one is very important. I want you guys to all listen because it could apply to right now. You're going to be okay. 12-year-old to 18-year-old Sam, listen. Okay. Listen. You're going to be okay.

27:56In fact, it's going to be more than okay. Okay. You're going to go through these things that feel like unbearable. Truly, you're going to feel like it's the worst thing that's ever happened to you. And it's just going to be, you're going to get past it. You know, like time will heal it. I promise. And someday you'll be, you'll start a podcast and you'll tell everybody about this. You'll tell everybody about all your weird and embarrassing stories and it'll make for good entertainment for people. So everything's going to be fine. I promise everything will be fine. That's it. Let's read some, let's read some entries from my, my diary.

28:32Cause I forgot that I was going to read some of them. I just read you some, I was really obsessed with the word butthead and I would frequently call like my bus driver who I didn't like at the moment. I said she was an absolute butthead and I do not like her at all and like underline at all. And I was really like, I didn't hold back from any dramatics in my diary at all. I would get extremely jealous of girls who my crush had a crush on them. And so I would write in here, like I'm going to change the name, obviously. I hate, I repeat, hate Joanne. Like, Joanne's my aunt's name. I don't know why I chose that.