Is Jamie Finally in His DILF Era?

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1:48exclusions apply see site for details can we start the episode by giving my husband a round of applause for looking so god damn handsome today thanks very much everyone thanks very much why are you giving me a round of applause because you at the right old age of 37 are looking chef's kiss and you always look chef's kiss but your outfits I won't lie have been questionable over the years I want you to give me some examples. And I think that I have finally got my way with you, got my glad rags on and whipped you into shape. And you look impeccable. You've got your claws into me. I think you might be one of the best dressed people alive.

2:33Jacob Elordi, eat your fucking heart out, mate. I think we just begin the show. I'm a dilf. My outfit's changed. Your hair's nice. Your Botox is like working. I don't have any Botox. You're looking good. Magda's looking fresh. Your eyebrows are gorgeous and that's all there is to it. Alright, listen, ladies and gentlemen, here we go. Here we go. Hello, I'm Jamie Lang. And I'm Sophie Lang. And now, we're Newly Parents. Oh, yeah, we are, baby. Hello, everyone, welcome back to Newly Parents. All right. Oats, oats. Oats, oats. Are you saying oats? Oats, oats, oats. You want some oats? You know where you go to Ibiza and you're like, Out, out, out.

3:17I don't know what this is. What do you mean? I don't know. Out, out, out. Anyway, let's move on. Get out. You get out. You bloody get out. Get out of my pub. Okay. Since having Ziggy, my adoration for your eyebrows has become so rife within me. I love your eyebrows. You know how you always say you would cut my lips off and put it on a little necklace? I would shave your eyebrows off, stick them onto a sticky paper, laminate it and wear them around my neck. Why? Because my son has your eyebrows and I just love them so much. Like, I love those eyebrows. These are fair little blonde eyebrows. Like, I just don't have that.

3:58I have to dye my eyebrows lighter. My eyebrows are like pubic hairs, naturally. They're thick and dark and coarse Arabic. You, your fair little whippet, have these like blonde little brush. They're like rabbit fur brows. Wait, and our baby has this? My baby has... I know someone commented the other day being like, why does she always refer to their baby as mine? I know, sorry. I really beg your pardon. Don't beg my pardon. Beg Ziggy's pardon if anyone's... Our baby has your eyebrows. He had them when he was born and I thought they're going to go darker, but they're just like these... They're the same shape, like hair for hair.

4:35He's got these blonde eyebrows. I mean, he is blonde, but it's just so sweet. You guys obviously haven't seen Ziggy, right? Because we don't post him on social media. It's a big sort of conversation we're having, whether we put him on social media, we don't put him on social media. I don't really know where we stand at the moment, but we're just sort of holding back before. Better not put him on social media than regret putting on social media for the time being. Anyway, so that's where we're standing at the moment. But I want to describe what Ziggy looks like. his top half nose above is Sophie his eyes and his cheekbones and his forehead and all of that is like Sophie lips look like Sophie chin how does he look like me then?

5:12but he looks like he looks like he's got all Sophie's features but he looks like me but also if you look at Jamie as a baby he's also your twin it's so weird he's like both of our twins and he's got he's got my fair skin and my sort of blonde hair and then bright blue eyes I don't know where they come from and then bright blue eyes These eyes which were like, they're not going to stay blue. They're not going to stay blue like that. And boy, they freaking have. Yeah, he's got my mom's eyes. It's kind of mad. Ah, and also, I'm going to put it out there, guys. He's a little bit, at the moment, in his daddy era.

5:45When daddy comes home, Ziggy freaks out. Yeah, it is really sweet. We call Ziggy the unbothered king. Like, he's so unbothered. Like, you could put him in, like, the builder's arms. he's like okay chilling like he'll touch their their fur their beard he likes stroking their fur he'll touch their beard like oh who else i don't know the ocado man he'll go to reach for him like my son doesn't have loyalty like he doesn't he'll smile at the ocado delivery man the same way he smiles at his mom yeah but recently there's been a shift and he's really become obsessed with jamie so when jamie comes home from work he's like flapping his little lands around smiling and it's so cute it is the sweetest little thing in the world and he did this thing which honestly totally and utterly melted my heart which is where i went he was crying in the night so i went into his crib where he sleeps and i went over to him and as i went into his nursery i went into his nursery and as he looked up at me he put his arms out to hold me and you didn't and i didn't i said not on my fucking watch no better go back to sleep no i didn't i obviously held him.

6:54And he's like, it's the sweetest thing ever. It's so sweet. I do think it's just like so cute, all of it. Something really scary happened and I want everyone to understand this, okay? So I'm going to read this to you. This is what I received on Instagram. Now, do you remember that time on the show when we spoke about how our house might be haunted? Remember that? I remember. This is what I got on social media. It was a lovely Sunday night. I was about to go to bed with Soph. Ziggy was down. We're like, this is great. We're retired. This is what I got. Jamie, nothing else just Jamie Jamie you are correct there is a presence in your house it was a happy house filled with good spirits we lived there for nearly 20 years and have a few stories to share is the shed at the bottom of the garden with the safe and slides still there from the family that lived there now we got rid of that shed and found the safe in there so I don't know what they're talking about like what what evil stuff do they put in that shed I replied because I was freaking out.

7:53Hi, can you tell me more? Is it a happy house? She replied. We were a family of nine. It was a very happy home. My mum and dad had like an open door living invite to all of our friends. Welcomes lots of different people. Loads of vivid memories. One night I came home and I undressed and took my clothes off and hung them up when someone stroked my face. I hit out as I thought it was one of my brothers doing it as a usual joke, but no one was there. There were always sweet smells around. My niece used to talk to someone as a small girl. Some of us saw images at the kitchen window, staring down and glaring and disappearing when we looked up.

8:30Nothing too scary. My mum never minded too much. I replied again. But a happy home? Question mark. She replied. Very happy. I'm sure you'll love it. They won't hurt you. Don't worry. Okay, guys. And then I went to sleep. Jamie comes down. I'm in the kitchen right now, you know when it's dark outside and like the window curtains aren't shut I'm just like in the kitchen making my dates and peanut butter and Jamie comes down and tells me this and then just disappears into the ether and I'm like okay well clearly there's someone staring at me through the window now and then my son cries so off I run up to his little nursery and when I tell you this is genius bear in mind like a nursery nurseries are quite creepy anyway I'm going to say it so creepy and like we have this white noise on which is going shh shh And it's got corners and it's slanted like an attic and has a little door in the back.

9:23And there's curtains in it, like little tiny curtains covering the cupboards. Like you just picture someone coming out and going, hello. Anyway, I run up to go rock Ziggy. And as I'm rocking him, I was like, oh my God. I've never in my 31 years of life felt fear like that. I was like, there is someone breathing down my neck. The minute he fell asleep, I put him in his crib. And I went, Jamie, Jamie, get out of here. Don't lie, don't lie. He didn't fall back to sleep. she put him down in his crib and ran downstairs and went Jamie I'm terrified and I went what? and she went I can't go back in there so then I grabbed Jamie and I ran back up and I picked him back up again and I properly rocked him with you behind me so like I knew the spirits weren't breathing down my neck but I was so fucking scared so scared she was actually she was actually I can't tell you how petrified she was I felt it goosebumps all over me and I felt someone breathing down my neck I then what happened was I'm not even kidding you this in the middle of the night, obviously, our room is near the nursery, so we can go into the nursery pretty quickly.

10:22Middle of the night, 3am in the morning, maybe 3.15, which is witching hour. Like, that's witching. Like, when you look at your clock at 3am, you're thinking, and you hear a noise, you think it's either a ghost or I'm being burgled. Like, it's one of the two. As when it gets to about 5am, you're like, it's actually okay. 3am is like prime time. He woke up and I was like, oh my. Always the impression of him. Yeah, but he was doing like a little bit of whining, not quite crying and I was like I was watching the monitor being like please go back to sleep because I was shitting myself I was like I don't think I can go in his room I was like I'm that scared I'm actually petrified at this point so I put on a hoodie and I put on my boxes and I get my phone and put the flashlight on because I'm so terrified that's gonna wake him up I didn't care at this point and I went into and he was started to cry so I've got to go in and I stood outside his door and I was like all right come on Jamie we can do this you can do this and I went in flashing I went

11:18you look terrified that's how terrified I was and then I was like oh my god and I then had to pick him up and rock him oh my boy and I can't tell you I was like I was honestly this is scary so I was like this is so scary and that's why I brought him into our bed yeah I was so scared I was listening to all of the monitor and I just thought ha ha ha ha ha ha that's terrifying yeah it is terrifying but I don't believe it I don't actually believe it I think our house has got a wonderful feel I've never felt any ghosts or ghouls you've never felt anything? no can I ask a quick question? yeah would you let us for Halloween come to the house?

11:56and do a Ouija board and do a Ouija board? no absolutely not not a million years like I don't understand this I don't I won't let anyone in my sphere or circle do a Ouija board sphere is it a Ouija board? sphere my sphere my you won't let anyone in my sphere? No, no one's allowed in my sphere. No one could do it in my sphere. Sphere. Sphinx. Sphere. Okay, whatever. In my circle, you're not going near. Have you done a Ouija board? I've never done one. I would never. I have. No, you haven't. Yeah, I have. When did you do it? I did it in Newcastle at my university with my first boyfriend, my friend's mom.

12:34She speaks to ghosts. Like, she can see, like, mad. Like, it's nothing I've ever witnessed before. and we went out for drinks and we all got a bit pissed and we went back to his house and we did a Ouija board. Why are we calling it a Ouija board? A Ouija board. Ouija? Ouija board. A Ouija board. Ouija board. Anyway, we did it and I don't quite remember what happened but there was movement and then I was like, I'm out, I'm tapping out. I don't understand why people do a Ouija board because it's a lose-lose. Okay, and I'll tell you why. You do it and it doesn't work, you're disappointed. You do it and you're haunted.

13:11Perfect. Yeah. There is no winning. There's zero winning. I couldn't agree more. I always got taught in life, like one thing you don't do is do a Ouija board. Yeah, that's the one thing I was taught as a kid. Don't go near quicksand. Don't play with scorpions and don't play a Ouija board. Me too. I'm not joking. Those were the three things. Don't play with scorpions. They will stink you. They'll kill you. Don't go near quicksand and don't go near a Ouija board. I'm not joking. Scorpions was from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids because the ants got killed by the scorpion. quicksand quicksand was from another movie another movie oh Jurassic Park Jurassic Park maybe no 100 % they all die in the quicksand and it's terrifying with the tiny little giant that's like yeah quicksand would not be a good way to die no I don't know if you get this but when it hits this time of year I get the feeling that for some reason we're going back to school the thing is it's funny like no matter how old we are we still live in school years like for me the year starts in September yeah 100 % like yeah yeah January Marie?

14:10Fuck that. What's that? Yeah, I know. I'm with you. That's the middle of the year. I'm so with you. I get to this time and I feel like I have to go and buy my pencil case. I have to go and choose which fountain pen I'm going to use. Probably a Lammy this year. I did a Parker pen last year, so I'm going to go for a Lammy pen this year. All right, I've got to think about the uniform I'm going to get. I don't think about pencil cases at all, but I do know there's that sense of like... Going to get a new rubber. It's a bit of a homesick feeling. Yes. Oh my God, do you remember the arty rubbers? The sketchy, my sister had shitloads of them because she was very arty.

14:38and she had like art sketchbooks and like arty rubbers that were like Play-Doh. Do you know what I'm talking about? I know the big ones, huge ones. I get it. I totally get it. And they like flaked off. I did not have them because I was not arty. Go and get a new compass. Did you have a new compass? No, I was one of those girls who didn't have any of that sort of equipment. I borrowed everybody's. Or I'd have this, I would have the schools and I would put it in my bag. Yeah, I'm with you. I did exactly the same. I lost my, I didn't have a pencil case. I didn't have a pencil case either. It was all at the bottom of my bag.

15:04I didn't have anything I had nothing I didn't even have a calculator I had nothing I had like ink all over my fingers vibe I was that girl what about when you used to do this with the paint and it the ink and it would flick on everyone I did that and it landed on Mr. Cheetah's shirt I did it and it went in someone's perfect blonde hair and she had like little blue bits and her gorgeous blonde ponytail and I thought that's really bad of me did I ever tell you this story when I was at school and it was my first year at school I was 8 years old and I was at boarding school Fucking go. My second day at boarding school, I was like, I was looking around.

15:36I was like, I'm going to fucking, these bunch of losers. These guys may end. The guy in front of me. So why were you so nasty? I wasn't. I don't know why I said that. I was just crying like everyone else was. Missed my mum. I was just very upset. Anyway, the guy in front of me was like scratching his bum. And I was like, what is he doing? He's scratching his bum. And he pulled out his hand and he had a lump of poo in his hand. And he wiped it under his desk. I actually think I would have heaved and I would have kicked his chair and said, don't do that because we all have to sit in that chair. No, no, you had your allotted chair.

16:10You didn't change. Remember the desks, you lift them up and you'd have like stickers on it. My school was very pony pony and everyone had their printed pictures of their pony on April pieces of papers in their school. A honey cream pony, I remember. And I felt so left out. At Sophie's school, everyone had ponies and they all drove minis. I was like... Relatable. I was like my school also was like each year had 30 people in it it was a very very small school everyone did have ponies it was a real thing and like I was so sick of it I found it so dull and so boring like after school you know when you go back to your friend's house like we'd always have to swing by their ponies so they could like comb their ponies and I didn't have one so I just wasn't able to touch the pony I didn't know what to do and like it was so smelly and mucky and I used to just stand and watch in the freezing cold while they'd like kick out their ponies poo with a shovel that's genuinely what they did and then I'd be like god can we just get home and watch High School Musical do you know what we were doing what as all boys school this is what we were doing we would go and play games whatever it was all get into the shower completely naked rub soap on our bodies like this in the shower communal shower all join together like this and then slowly pull out to make a massive bubble what we do that's what we would do that's what we were doing naked penises touching completely butt naked all together, rub soap on our bodies, connect all our bodies.

17:30At what age? Nine, ten. Oh, that's so sweet. It'd be a bit weird if you were doing it at like 14. Yeah, at 14 we'd stop doing it. What were you doing at 14? 14 years old. What, with the guys? 14 is when girls got introduced. Okay. But what was I doing with the guys? But how did you talk to the girls or meet the girls when you were at university, at boarding school? I had a Nokia 8310 mobile phone and I would get the girls' number somehow and then I would phone them and speak to them on the phone and I would end up going out with them without even knowing who they were. My first girlfriend, who I never met, was called Lucinda.

18:02And every single night, I used to sing her a song. I see your true colors. Because you pretended you were in a boy band. I pretended I was in a boy band, yeah. My first boyfriend was called Miles. He put in his MSN name, Fantasy dot dot, kissing Sophie Habbo in the rain. That is quite lame. And then I met him. We were all like, we went into Lamington Spa and on Saturday and I met him and I wouldn't talk to him or go near him. And I thought, that's my boyfriend over there. He's so tall. I still have a really, I still have a really, like still to say, I feel a little bit guilty, right? We had mobile phones when we were 14 years old.

18:40We're at boarding school and everyone had like credit, right? You didn't, we, you didn't really have a contract. You had about 20 minutes on your phone. But my friend, shout you out, Addy Sands, Alexander Sands. He was at my first school with me, then came to my second school with me so I used his phone to phone the girls that the girl that I phoned Lucinda and I phoned all night and we slept in like a dormitory together but you had your own singular rooms it was like living in a cubicle type thing and I phoned this person all night anyway Adi Sands told me that his parents got a bill through at the end£2 ,400 because I had phoned Lucinda throughout the entire month Uganda why was it so expensive because I had phoned her so much you had to keep adding up the credit the entire time credit was expensive and i had done hours and hours and hours every night i'd speak to for about two hours okay shout out lucinda shout out lucinda can't remember her do you remember like having your little flick phone and like texting boys but like the thing is for me i grew up in a very small town and like my schools were very small so like the fish the small was pond what this pond was so small like this it was limited and i remember like being obsessed with boys but I didn't really fancy any of them until I got to uni and then I was like you were watching Made in Chelsea so you fancied me I wasn't at school I was that was sixth form really yeah did you fancy me on it I did yeah I think so I can't actually remember who I fancy but I fear that it was like Andy Jordan I feel like that I really had a thing for him anyway I used to like text these boys right and like you'd always sort of texting the same boy and like my friend Victoria who you all know she not the listeners you have no idea who she is you guys don't know who she is but she's I've told many stories about her like she is so stunning but like she was always so stunning so and I was quite like braces acne on my forehead really lanky didn't have boobs just like swollen nipple vibe like that was me at 14 with like over plucked eyebrows and just all going on like the hips had happened but the tits hadn't it was like a whole thing she was looking like hot stuff curvy never had a spot used to wash her face with Nivea and I used to think how I was like clear skin whatever that thing burning my scalp off she slept hecks bing bing bing all these boys from London from everywhere and I would just sit there with my phone like just getting your dad just your dad not even here not even just crickets and you just remember that feeling I do remember that feeling I remember Valentine's Day came around and I was so excited because we had a competition who would get the most Valentine's Day letters.

21:19And you got none. I got quite a few. So you didn't have that feeling. Well, I had the feeling of victory. Why do you think you had a few? Because you were just cute and ginger. Because I was charismatic and cool. But like those were the days that you didn't meet anyone. No, but I was very outgoing. You were that like loud puppy that everyone was like, fucking hell. No, you were good at sports. I think that gave you a lot of credit it when you were young. Two things I want to catch up on as well before we go into listeners messages. One thing is this, is that my beautiful wife here was making food for our wonderful son Ziggy and I saw you doing it, making gorgeous, gorgeous.

21:52What was I making? I can't remember, but it was gorgeous. It was gorgeous. You made it and then you ate it. What are you talking about? I eat all the food I make for him. I make double the portion if it's a certain type of meal. But surely we're saving that for him. No, because I like to make him fresh food i i eat with my son it's delicious his stuff really do you know what we have decided though is we've decided that every beginning friday of the month sophie and i are going to do a date night yeah we've got a new one next friday motherfucker you're picking the restaurant i sure fucking well am i can't stop saying it sing it to the gods oh sing it to gods i can't wait oh man can you turn up who's our babysitter we don't have a babysitter forget that don't even worry about that don't ruin the vibe Rafi will you do it Rafi will you do it yeah si imagine we're on a date you've turned up late we're in a delicious like maybe French restaurant I'm sitting there looking really handsome in my new clothes looking great and you walk in let's go bonjour where is she why are you are you French I am French you're going to be French I'm going to be French alright fine good luck with that I mean you really shot yourself in the foot there, but that's fine.

23:03I'm going to be Irish. You're going to be Irish? I'm going to be Irish. All right. I'm looking cool in my new outfit. I'm looking like a Delph. Here we go. Are you Sophie? Yeah, I'm Sophie from Cork. Okay. You're Sophie from Cork. Hi, I'm Jamie from London. I'm excited to have dinner with you tonight. Oh, you're my date. Okay. You're great. Oh, thanks so much. Tell me a little about yourself. Well, I'm 31. You're 31. I'm 31. Oh, you're 31. Okay. And I'm just having, I'm great crack. I'm great crack. Nice. Yeah. Single, obviously, for how long? Married. Married and got a child. But I like to go on dates.

23:44We're really free like that. And we're just like free. We flow with the wind. We let the wind go in our hair and we just see wherever we end up. And right now I'm ending up with you and I think we're about to eat some snails. Let me just understand this quickly. So you're in a... We like to call it Pollyannaurs. You're in a polyamorous relationship. So do you sleep with people? No, we're not going to have sex. I can confirm that. We're not going to have sex, but I'll engage with you on a one-to-one basis. So let me just understand this. We're going to have a dinner together. You're married with a son.

24:17But you don't sleep. But my husband, the thing is for my husband, he's very, very short. And so sometimes I have to just put myself out there and socialize with people who are more my height. because I'm sick of feeling like a giant. And you, you're what? Six foot one? Yeah, about six foot one. Yeah. Okay, so nice. You see, he's 5 '5", and he makes me feel super tall. Okay, so let me just understand. Can you just play out this, how this evening's going to go for me? So what's going to happen? We're going to talk, and I'm going to see how it is to talk to a man who's got some height behind him.

24:50Yeah, nice. See if you know you've not got short man syndrome. I'm then going to walk down the streets and just feel how it feels to be with a man who's actually towering above me. and you know and then we might go and even dance and you know it would be nice to just go to a bar and have a man order me a drink who's not shorter than me and we're going to go and dance what type of dance are we going to do? any dance I'm only used to dancing with a short man so I just really want to see what it's like to dance with a man who's got his hands higher than my legs and then at the end of the night we don't kiss we don't have sex nothing?

25:26you can go and lean in to kiss because I'd like to see how it is to lean up to kiss instead of cranking my neck to kiss someone below me. And then I'm going to go home back to my short husband and my son. Brilliant. Well, ladies and gentlemen, on that lovely note, I think it's time for Listener's Messages.

25:52Hi, it's Brooke DeVard, host of Naked Beauty, and I want to talk about how I upgrade my hosting experience. There's a moment just before guests arrive when my home stops feeling like a series of rooms and it becomes an atmosphere. The light settles, the air shifts, and then the beautiful scent of jasmine, rose, and fig fill the air. It feels warm and considered. That's what Pura does. It turns fragrance into environment. A collection of beautiful, clean fragrances, all controlled from your phone. Choose your sense of place at Pura.com. This is Hannah Berner from Giggly Squad. O-Pill is the first over-the-counter daily birth control pill available in the U.S.

26:27Let's be real, getting a birth control prescription is not always easy and it's so much admin. In fact, about a third of women face barriers to access prescription birth control. Between scheduling appointments, missing work, class, or just trying to exist, it's a lot. But now Opil is putting birth control in our control. Opil is a daily birth control that's FDA approved, full prescription strength, and estrogen free, and 98 % effective when used as directed. Grab it online or at most major retailers, no prescription or doctor's appointment needed. So if you're thinking about birth control, check out Opill to see if it's right for you.

27:01Use code Giggly for 25 % off your first month of Opill at O-P-I-L-L dot com. That's code Giggly at O-P-I-L-L dot com. Birth control in your control. We love to see it. There's one thing that will forever change the way you sleep, and it's the softest 100 % organic cotton sheets from Bowlin Branch. You'll fall asleep faster, wrapped in the most luxurious comfort. You'll never sleep hot again with sheets that feel breathable to sleep in. You'll experience the purest softness on night one and feel your sheets get even softer with every wash. Discover the difference with 15 % off your first set of sheets at BowlinBranch.com with code BUTTERY.

27:41Exclusions apply. See site for details. This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc. Have you been putting off a doctor's appointment or need a dentist and you don't know where to start? We've definitely been there and that's why we use ZocDoc. Actually, over the holidays, Michael had a dental emergency and seemingly every office was closed. But we hopped onto ZocDoc, found an in-network dentist, had great reviews, saw real-time appointments available, which was key. It was on New Year's Day and booked an appointment in just minutes. It took so much of the stress out of the already stressful situation.

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28:59Getting started is easy. You can book your first visit with a clinician right away. Midlife needs MIDI. Visit joinmidi.com to book your first visit today. That's joinmidi.com. Insurance coverage varies. check with your plan for coverage Magda why don't you just give us a little jingle a little song at the top of listeners messages oh my god what's a song about listening oh listen isn't that a song listen listen listen with your ears and listen with your nose go on Magda listen with your eyes and listen with your toes we're getting into listeners messages Jamie and Sophie don't be sausages I won't be a sizzling sausage don't you worry I'll poke it so it sizzles and the stuff comes out make sure you poke a sausage before you sizzle it otherwise it spits at you I never knew that, that's so bright of you anyway I have a bright little berry aren't you anyway I have a wild story from Anonymous hi Jamie and Sophie, please keep me anonymous because I genuinely cannot believe I'm admitting this great start I was spending the weekend with my boyfriend's family for his grandma's 80th birthday in a gorgeous little log cabin in the woods They're one of those super active families who love a morning walk and the birthday weekend was no exception I wasn't feeling 100 % and we really couldn't be bothered so I stayed in bed while everyone headed out About half an hour later assuming I had the entire cabin to myself I started feeling a little frisky No I got my vibrator out And because I thought I was completely alone Made absolutely zero effort to be quiet Afterwards feeling very relaxed and pleased with myself I opened the door to get a coffee And nearly died Sitting in the kitchen Of a small little log cabin Now I feel physically Where my boyfriend's grandma and granddad Apparently they'd also decided to skip the walk Nobody could make eye contact I silently made a coffee and disappeared back into the bedroom.

31:07I just actually, it hasn't finished, but I just need to just digest that. I just want to know, in what world did you think I'm going to get my vibrator out and be loud in a log cabin because they could walk back at any time, someone could have forgotten something. Like, in what world do we do that? That's what I want to know. The grandma and grana were sat in complete silence. You know how you, it's like when you watch a porn scene in a movie with your parents and never just stares at the screen or a sex scene. and you just stare at the screen, don't make eye contact, don't talk. The grandma and grandma were just sat there not making eye contact with each other, hearing this noise.

31:39Violent. Thinking that's our grandson's girlfriend masturbating in the bedroom. Later that evening, after a few drinks, his slightly tipsy grandma shuffled over to me and whispered, don't worry about earlier, we all have urges. I just wish I had one of those because it sounded like a great time. Oh my god, what a legend. I wanted the cabin to swallow me off what a fucking legend is what I say to that I'd be like I can just put it in the washing machine you can have it joking how would she whisper that I think it would sound like this oh don't worry love we all have urges I just wish I'd had one of those it sounded like great fun I think it's more like this don't worry about it why are we always not okay fine I won't go I'll go go your posh roots I won't go posh I'm going to go more go Scottish that's your roots All right, I hope, I hope.

32:33Don't worry about... Scotland, Scotland, don't worry about earlier. We all have urges. I just wish I had one of those because it sounded like a great time. All right, what about an Irish? Don't worry about earlier. We all have urges. It sounded like a great time. Yeah, nice. All right, I'm glad that we've done all the grandma's voices now. I love the granny in that. All right. Okay, all right. Now I think we've covered all bases. From Anonymous. Firstly I just want to say how much of a beautiful family you are I spent my whole life dreaming of the day I would become a mum And in December 2023 Two days before Christmas I found out that due to my endometriosis This never would be possible for me naturally We would need IVF I was devastated Needless to say Christmas was absolutely awful There's an old wise tale that if you put a baby girl under the tree And make a wish The next Christmas you would have a baby under the tree So on my way home from that appointment and willing to try absolutely anything, I went and got a baby grow, wrapped it up in a box, and wrote my wish that one day I would be a mom.

33:36I've got goosebumps everywhere. With tears streaming down my face, I place it under the tree. Fast forward to June 2024, I am booked in for my endometriosis surgery. I'm sat in my gown and surgical socks, all ready to go to theater when there's a knock on the door. A nurse walks in, passes a note to my surgeon who looks at me and blurts out, you're pregnant! Oh my God. By some miracle, I was already three months pregnant and had absolutely no idea. My son was born in December 2024, two weeks before Christmas. I've got goosebumps everywhere, guys. Really big goosebumps. He's in my whole entire world and I will be forever grateful to be his mom.

34:12Let's go. Man, that's just fantastic. That's like the best thing. It's just fantastic. It's just great. I just love this. Me too. Congrats. Like, wow. Right, I have a birth story from Marin and Jo. I don't know if that's how Jo likes his name pronounced. but hi Jamie and Sophie, long time listeners here. Hey guys, I'm so delighted you guys are back in action following the birth of your beautiful boy and I thought I'd write to say how much your pod has supported us in our own journey to parenthood. Let's go guys. Around the time you announced Ziggy was brewing, we made the decision to start our own family.

34:44I remember the first time trying and listening to the app where Jamie talked about feeling awkward doing the deed, where we were in fits as this was our exact same experience. We were fortunate enough to fall pregnant the first time we tried. However, sadly, the pregnancy ended shortly after. Your pod helped keep our spirits high whilst we tried again, and we had lots of little laughs along the way. We found out we were having another baby in November last year. Congrats, guys. We had a complicated pregnancy, and so had lots of extra monitoring, scans, and tests. We had finally introduced to our beautiful rainbow girl in July this year.

35:20Congrats, guys. We are absolutely besotted. We have been doing a bit of catching up to do with the pod, but look forward to hearing one or more of your tales of parenthood, which no doubt will prepare us for our next steps. Congrats, guys. It just is so lovely. So great. So freaking great. Okay, I've got a love story. People have followed us on this journey. I know. People getting married. They listen to us. People who weren't getting married listen to us. I mean, people just listen to us, right? But it's just great when they follow our journey. I have a love story from Annabelle. Hi, Jamie and Sophie.

35:51I've got a little love story for you because technically I have my mum to thank for finding me a husband. Come on. A few years ago my mum was on holiday in Spain and got chatting to another woman by the pool. After a few whines they discovered they both had single children around the same age and decided we'd be perfect for each other. Numbers were exchanged and I came home one evening to my mum announcing she'd found me a husband. Obviously I refused for weeks until eventually this poor man messaged me saying apparently our mums have abranged our marriage should we at least meet first. Wow Good chat That made me laugh So I agreed to one drink Annoyingly our mums Were completely right We stayed until the bar closed Went on another date Three days later And within a few months We were inseparable Three years later He proposed At our weddings Our mums gave a joint speech Taking full responsibility For the entire relationship We've now been married For four years And have a little girl However my mum Still brings it up Whenever I disagree with her On anything she says I get goosebumps again I'm like let's go Like what is going on The world is just one big love story.

36:52Honey, life is about love. That's what life is about. It's about loving. Sing it, sister. I will. It's about love. It's about loving. Ladies and gentlemen, you can keep... It's the end of listeners, listeners, listeners messages. Before we do that, you can send us an email, newlyparents at jamboproductions.co.uk. Send us your stories. Or you can slide into our DMs at newlyparentspodcast on Instagram. Why don't you give us a little follow, Petal, at the same time? Okay, Petal, don't tempt me like that. I might just press that button and follow it. Ah, and then I'll strip you out of your petals and throw you into the garbage bag.

37:30What the fuck is going on? That's the end of, that's the end. Listening messages. So, guys, a little update as well, because obviously this is Neely Parents, and we do talk about babies in it occasionally. Ziggy is teething. He has one tooth. a tooth a wee little tooth and if anyone's told you how awful teething is my word like for everyone involved firstly because your poor little baby is going through teething pains when a little tooth is coming through i just don't understand like we're so amazing as humans like we our bodies are incredible our minds are incredible like we have nails to pick things like why the fuck were we born without teeth like why weren't we born with a full set of gnashes i don't get it like at what point did adam and eve think do you know what strip them full of teeth and just give them gums and let's let them shoot through the gums you think about adam and eve or you think about god i don't know which one you're thinking about adam and eve didn't design man and woman i just do think it's unfair that we don't have we're not born with teeth i do think it's fair for like the woman's nipples.

38:41I think that's why they've done it though. But like why on earth then is it so painful for the teeth to actually imagine a tooth breaking through your gum like that's like brutal. Honey I gotta you gotta typically you breastfeed you don't have to but you do whatever you want but typically you breastfeed right? No some people do some people don't If you do breastfeed it's gonna hurt if you have teeth Yeah if I was still breastfeeding now he would like be gnawing at me because Ziggy's because he's teething he's got into this habit If I got my teeth and I need a nipple I'd bite it off. Like his new favourite thing to do because his gums he wants to like crunch down on things is he like grabs my face with my hair or my chin and pulls me in and then like sucks my lips because he's like trying to bite down on my lips but his little tooth is now like really quite cutting into my lip I'm like but it's evolution I promise you it like because babies can't tell if they're biting or anything they would Ziggy would have bitten down on your nipple and ripped it off and trust me you'd have zero nipples so then why do some babies grow their teeth at four months because it's Typically, people breastfeed for a year, some even two years.

39:42I don't know. I'm just guessing that's what happened. Big thing is this, though. The tooth fairy. When you were a kid, how much money did the tooth fairy leave you? Now, this is a thing with my family. My mum was very, very good at creating events. The tooth fairy came, we believed in it, but I don't think she was organized enough to ever leave me any pennies. I very rarely, maybe I got a 50p or a 20p, which was huge. Hang on a second. I need to understand this. There was an event, but no money. What was the event? I remember, I very much believed in tooth fairies. Like we had this garden and in this garden there was this tree and it was like on a slant and me and my sister used to get a bucket every weekend.

40:23We'd fill the bucket with mud. Then we would get my mum's clean mop and pour water in with the mud and then we would give the tree a mud facial because we thought the tooth fairies lived in that tree. So we thought the tree needed a facial. And you thought these stingy motherfuckers are not giving us any money. I don't really remember how much I got. Maybe like 10p, whatever pennies were plonked about. No, mine was very clear. When I lost a tooth, I got a pound. Oh, I bet you fucking did. No wonder you're so spoiled. And I got a pound. And I remember one time I stayed at my friend Josh's house.

40:55We were five years old, maybe four. I lost my tooth, right? I put it under my bed, woke up in the morning, had 50p. And I searched all around that bed for the other 50p. Oh my God. Because I was like, it's gone. and I went back home and told my parents, I said, by the way, the tooth fairy actually did me one day. They obviously didn't realize. A pound was a lot. I genuinely think I might have got like 10p. A pound was a lot. Pound? Like all your teeth, that's 32 pounds. I remember when I was about three years old, I used to steal money because I just loved money even though I couldn't spend it.

41:30And I remember I stole a pound coin and I remember my dad walking down the corridor and I was holding the coin so I didn't know what to do. so I ate it and swallowed it yeah and I remember it like being stuck in my thing but I was just like you didn't swallow a coin at three years old and you remember it don't be silly now I can't remember if I swallowed it or it got stuck and I coughed it back up you coughed it back up and you swallowed a coin at three I think you're going to a hospital and they're cutting you open and getting that piece of nickel out of there my family used to do a lot of strange things my brother older brother Alexander remember the one who did the Greek mythology unbelievable guy he put his penis through a tennis rack and got it stuck and had to go to hospital.

42:08No, no, I don't think that's right. Through the strings. Oh, he put it through one of those tiny little holes. I thought you meant like that bit where you kept the ball. No, he got it stuck. Well, I bet he did unless he... He also did this, which was horrendous, in my granny's car. My granny got out to go and get a feast ice cream for him. Do you remember feast? Oh, my favourite ice cream. And when he was out, he clicked in the lighter thing and then took it out and tried to suck it. Yeah, that was not good. Oh my God, just on that note, do you remember... but like in your parents glove box that like the gold but mine was only in my grandparents why are you throughing at the amount of throughing it was so elite that gold tin and there were these hard boil sweets and they were in like powder white dust yeah what the fuck why were they only in our grandparents no because they were they were car sweets but why were there car sweets they weren't that elite either like candy kittens would be much better I know but I didn't have any of that I didn't have sweets growing up I would just like never got given a sweet the most I told Jamie the most I used to get when we used to go to the petrol stations my mum would get me a packet of Fisherman Friends.

43:08Does anyone know what they are? Outstanding. Outstanding. But they are like menthol, like herbal. Mints. They're mints. And mum would give me like one and that was it for the week. Well, she would have in her glove box midget gems and be snacking on them all the way back from school. But no, me and George didn't have them. Listen, anyway, the point is if you are parents, you're going through teething at the moment, not yourself, but with your babies. We see you and we hear you. We see you, feel we, hear you because it is a lot to deal with. Hey, listen, on that lovely note, we have probably come to the end of the show.

43:38But before we end, we do have Newly Founded. Newly Founded is our new segment on the podcast where we shout out the amazing people, the products, the business tips and things that help newly parents stay sane. And today's shout out is from Abby. Hi, Jamie and Sophie. I'm a regular listener and thought I'd be brave, guess, and put forward my business, Olive. Olive is a British home and beauty brand inspired by the Mediterranean and that feeling of summer with candles made in Hampshire. Love this. I started building olive while working full-time and pregnant with my first baby at 32 weeks. We found out our son had, I hope I pronounced this right, derodinal artresia and would need surgery the day after he was born.

44:21After three weeks in NICU, thankfully he came home happy and healthy. And when he was a few months old, I slowly started picking olive back up again. Not long after I found out i was pregnant with our second baby he's now four months old and olive my third baby is finally launched wow wow that's so impressive you're literally i love that i'm gonna go and check it out we're gonna leave everything in our show notes you go and check it as well go and check out these beautiful candles we love shouting out incredible people businesses our community anything at all so please send it to our email or slide into our dms because we want to shout you guys out well ladies and gentlemen on that note that is if you're getting married hang Hold on a freaking second.

45:01I'm not ready to go just yet. I just want to say what a brilliant episode. I loved holding your hands throughout this entire trip. If you're getting married, good luck. I loved soothing next to you. If you're getting engaged, we love you. And I just loved it every minute of it. But don't worry, we'll see you next week. And if you're getting married. Good luck. If you're getting engaged. Oh my lordy, get on your knees. If you're pregnant and having a baby. Go on and share. Get to have a baby. We love you so much. Goodbye. See you next week. Goodbye!

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