Jamie Gets FULLY WAXED

0:00This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc. Have you been putting off a doctor's appointment or need a dentist and you don't know where to start? We've definitely been there and that's why we use ZocDoc. Actually over the holidays Michael had a dental emergency and seemingly every office was closed but we hopped onto ZocDoc, found an in-network dentist, had great reviews, saw real-time appointments available which was key. It was on New Year's Day and booked an appointment in just minutes. It took so much of the stress out of the already stressful situation. ZocDoc makes it easy to search and compare over 250 ,000 local in-network providers across more than 200 specialties.

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1:26cleared prescription device for primary snoring and mild obstructive sleep apnea. Then you go to bed like a person, nothing strapped on, nothing plugged in. In clinical studies, 90 % of patients saw a reduction in snoring. No sleep study required. Prescribed online, shipped to your door. ExciteOSA at springsleep.com slash sleep20. Code sleep20 for 20 % off. ExciteOSA is an FDA-cleared prescription-only device for primary snoring and mild obstructive sleep apnea. Not for everyone. Individual results vary. Risks and benefits at springsleep.com. This message is brought to you by today's sponsor, Walden University.

2:14Set a course for change. Now is the time to make a real change in your life, career, and community. At Walden University, we give you the support and flexibility to get the W. Walden's online programs are designed for working professionals like you. You'll gain hands-on skills to take on real-world challenges and succeed. Your future is waiting, and Walden is here to help you achieve it. Take the first step to make your impact. Visit waldenu.edu. Walden University. Set a course for change. certified to operate by Shev.

2:49Indescribable what's about to happen right now. I took a weed gummy. He's like, I'm so love machine. Everyone's like, what's happening? I think that you should do a nude photo shoot and we should make a calendar, a nude calendar of photos for you for 2027. Jamie! This is going to happen so much. I can't believe this is happening. It's like a nightmare. There's nothing we can do now. There's only one way to get it off. Wow. Welcome back, says the little woman in a hat. What does the little woman in a hat hear? She says welcome, welcome, welcome back. Welcome back. Happy birthday to my 55-year-old husband.

3:37Thank you, honey. I'm just joking. How old are you? Honey, you know what? I'm at that stage now where I don't need to say. I don't want to say I don't care about saying I think you should say and I think you should sing it from the rooftop and scream it from the hills I don't want to and I'm not going to and I'll tell you why because I don't think you've ever looked better in your 38 years of life I'm not going to do you know what I've got to well I just did honk honk that's for you okay do I put on the birthday hat okay birthday hat goes on happy birthday daddy can I be honest with everyone for a second can I be honest with you right Sophie's birthday was in LA okay For Sophie's birthday.

4:14I'm going to be really real. Like, you've got to stop. Before you go onto this rampage, I would really, really stop painting me out to be a ghastly person because actually... No, no, I'm going to say the opposite. I think that... You are amazing. I'll tell you what the difference is. Should I tell the listeners? Can I tell my story first? I'm bored of it already. I haven't even started it. So I'm going to... It's a snooze fest over there. 38 looks boring on you if you ever told me. I'm going to wear it more 24. So get ready for this. I'm... Do you want? Anyway, my point is this. I'm gonna wear it more 24.

4:46I'm gonna wear 38 like I'm 24. You know what I'm trying to say? Don't try and confuse me. Listen. Anyway, Sophie's birthday was in LA. We did a lovely little podcast about it. Sophie's birthday. I stayed up late. I put balloons in there. I got these little things that I put across. I went and got some presents for her. I got her a ring made that hasn't delivered yet no don't shake your head all of this is true it's all lies it's all lies okay should I tell you hang on one second it's all true all of it is true I got a cake made I got balloons delivered guess how much the balloons cost to be delivered $450 that's like so lazy okay just hear me out for a second I did amazing post on her Instagram on my Instagram I did a poem for my wife I did everything I'm bored already okay and I'll continue do you know what Sophie I woke up no can I tell the listeners actually okay so wait hang on I haven't finished yet no I want to speak we've all had enough of your 38 year old voice I'll let you speak in a second but I I woke up on my birthday to nothing and Sophie did a post on Instagram that I made for her that's not my fault that you love Instagram more than me I made the post if you go on Sophie's Instagram it's a bit it's a video of me playing with our son Ziggy and on it says happy birthday to the best dad and husband I did that for her I created that post for her yeah and did the music and did the caption I'll tell you why because you're boomer and you think that everything needs for on Instagram I am more Gen Z and so I think that those personal private moments don't need to be shared but you your little Instagram whore was desperate to get something up there and I said do you know what I've got my son in one hand I've got dinner in the other here's my phone make yourself a post okay no that's not what happened what happened was this so don't believe everything you see on Instagram secondly we had just flown 12 hours on a flight okay who'd had Ziggy the entire flight you who'd slept snoring from start to finish you I did I slept yes I didn't I did not sleep I watched my son sleep and I stayed up with my son all night long.

7:08Okay? Number two. Number two. Who landed and had a jet-lagged child to look after all day long when they themselves have had zero hours sleep? I don't think that's quite true. Me. No, third. Third, not finished. Four. Oh, I've jumped to four because I like to do that. Yeah. Who woke up on Jamie's birthday, said, Happy, happy birthday, darling boy. I will give you a card now and celebrations have come later. And then, slaved away making a carrot cake, which, by the way, is a fucking bore all day long. A bore. Listen, I'm not a baker. I'm not sure about cooking. You gave it to me and said, I hate baking.

7:43No, I didn't. Stop making me sound so nasty. I blew up balloons. He came back early from work and it was such a nightmare. So I quickly said, get outside and go for a run, you big old fat go. So off he ran and I blew up balloons. Didn't buy them, did I? Didn't throw money at it. I slaved away and I blew them up with my hands and my feet. Not with your mouth. Just in my mouth, actually. And I got some... These things. And I lit a cake with 38 on it. I mean, there's party things that you... And I iced the cake. I made two layers of it. I made butter icing all on my own. And you have to cool the cake in between.

8:20It took three and a half hours. I did it all. Delicious. Roll over the eyes again for anyone who's listening. How good was that cake? Delicious. Should have brought some in for the team, actually. I forgot. It's in the fridge. I can't wait to eat it when I get back. Should we get into the show, though? Let's get into it. Hello, I'm Jamie Ling. And I'm Sophie Lang. And now, we're newly parents. Oh, yeah, we are, baby. Welcome back. We're back in the UK. We're back from LA. God, I'm back. Glad to be back. Give me a high five, you little shit bag. Can I get it? Hooray. Hooray, sisters. We're feeling jet lagged, but really happy to be back.

8:54I loved every minute of it being there, but there's nothing like coming back to autumn and coziness and dark at 5pm. I tell you what sometimes in life you really do just have to get yourself out what are you laughing at? I just I have a story that I want to say oh my god the last night we went out for dinner I took a weed gummy we all took weed gummy I don't get why you're saying you right because I feel so naughty it's legal in LA it was absolutely fine what happened was this can I break it down can I say what happened? please it was fucking genius

9:34Me, my father-in-law, Patrik, my mother-in-law, Sarah Wigley, Sophie Habu, my sister-in-law, Georgia. We had a babysitter looking after our children, by the way. Of course, yeah. And my brother-in-law. We all took a weed gummy. And I was like, oh, guys, it's the lowest dose. Because I went into the shop and they were like, this is microdosing. Like, it's so low. You won't feel anything. Ooh, they were wrong. They were so wrong. We took it, right? Anyway, as soon as I, I've smoked weed once before. I've spoken about serious paranoia, right? I was like, right, I'll take it. So I took it. It's just a thing that you chew and you eat.

10:13Immediately I took it. I had paranoia. Straight away, boom. Straight away. Pulling my body. Straight away, immediate paranoia. No, I need to just set the scene. Set the scene quickly. Because everyone else took it and everyone was feeling so relaxed. Everyone's like, wow, it just feels like all my anxiety and worries. He's like, I'm so chill having the time of my life. And we were like, go on, Jamie, just take one, peer pressure. Jamie took one, instant silence. And I was like, you okay? He was like... Instant silence, it was actually horrific. He was like, I need to open a beer to get rid of the anxiety.

10:42I was like, this is too much. So anyway, what happened was then is I went upstairs to take a shower to try and like make myself feel more relaxed. This is like moments after. I then got my aftershave, put my aftershave on, put it around my body. I walked down to the room and went to Sophie I can smell gas I can smell gas there's gas in the house there's gas in the house and Sophie was like it's your aftershave it doesn't smell of gas and I was like oh yeah shit I put aftershave on I was really freaking out he thought his aftershave was leaking gas he was like we need to call the fire brigade I was like you've lost the fucking plot we then go downstairs I was chatting to me and my father-in-law Patrick Habou I don't know what happened but Patrik Habu and I got the hysterics like so badly I don't know how it happened Patrik was kept asking how we can book a minicab to our villa to pick us up to take us to the restaurant we were laughing so much it hurt we then had to go for dinner with my dad and step mum and you didn't tell them who had no idea we had taken a week on him and Patrik was trying to order off the menu and was just in hysterics laughing at my parents.

11:59And then at one point... Oh, it was so good. My dad just started telling the story about how some character from Ross from Friends. Why have we not spoken about that? Wait, what was this? Please tell me you witnessed that. And my mum was going, oh my God, what is he doing? Dad suddenly just started telling this story about Bruce Willis when he was in Ross from Friends was doing a dance in the mirror and he reenacted it, guys, five times and everyone was like, what the fuck are you talking about? And he was like, you know, from Friends, when Ross's girlfriend's dad, Bruce Willis, and he's like, I'm so love machine.

12:34Oh, that was it. He was like, I'm a love machine. And he was reenacting this story five times over and everyone was like, what's happening? And I was asking him, I was like, Patrick, you've got to order some food. And he went, oh, what happened? And he just frigging lost it. Anyway, we had a tie. Oh my God, it was so good. We had a tie. We had a ball. Hey, by the way, just a caveat. I don't condone. Don't take drugs. If you're in LA, be careful about smoking weed or taking weed. I took a weed gummy. I was under the influence of adults. Don't worry about it. I had my armbands on. It was totally okay.

13:12It was a freaking great time. It was a freaking great time. It was a freaking great time. It was a freaking great time. I spent all my life savings in Air One. I can't stress enough how every man in Hollywood looks like an older version of Jamie with a facelift like it's remarkable they're all your height every single one of them and yeah I had a ball glad to be back though we've got some classic English biscuits classic classic we've got some classic are these Nut McVitties which tea hello air Nut McVitties McVitties which right yeah can I tell everyone what my favourite brisket is this is a big conversation all right go for it it's a rich tea yeah and it's also a digestive like vitties but not the chocolate one and you are so plain it's frightening i know that's your favorite i know and then i married the so-called air do you not think that's quite interesting like bourbon is not my favorite sorry biscuit i really don't need to do this but i need to just critique everything that's happened then you did air quotes but you did them backwards i know i copied your Mum.

14:17Do you notice your mum does that? That's such a penny thing too. She goes, oh, they were having a good time. Why did you do the air quotes backwards? Because I like little bunnies. No, the opposite to bunnies. You did them that way around. I don't care, Jamie. He's the heir to McVitie's fortune. I'm not a fan of Jarmie Dodger and I'm not a fan of a Jaffa cake. How do you eat a Jaffa cake? Okay, I'm going to start off with my favourite biscuit because I think this is an important subject. I know which one it is. What is it? It's an M &S white chocolate something. That is a very, very good biscuit.

14:48An M &S thick chocolate biscuit that looks like a shell. It's like, it doesn't look like a shell, but you know the ones I mean. That is really good. No, my favorite biscuit and the elite of the elite of the elite is the shortbread you get on trains. So a Scottish shortbread? Phenomenal. Walker Scottish shortbread, if I remember correctly. Owned by my cousins. Really? Yeah. Another fact about I think it's my cousins The fact about the Lange family That you won't know Is it actually owned by your cousins? Yeah it's my cousins I think that's my cousins business You're fucking lying I'm not I'm pretty sure it is What cousin?

15:26I've met all your cousins My Scottish cousins I'm pretty sure they own that shortbread Do you know what else The Lange family used to own? The Lange Every time your surname changes Is it Lange? Is it Lange? Is it Lange? Lange I would hate to have a surname That I didn't even know You're married to me Pidge I didn't even know How to pronounce my own It's like you're like Sometimes you're like, hi, it's like me being like, hi, I'm Sophie Habbo to some people. Hi, I'm Sophie Habbo to the next person. And hi, my name's Sophie Habby. Every day it's a different pronunciation. It's Jamie Leng. Leng, Leng, Leng.

15:55Well, it's not because it's A-I-N. Why don't you try one of these, Jaffa Cakes or a Jammie Dodger? I'm going to. I'm just going to tell you. I've told you my favorite biscuit. It's a shortbread. If you disagree with me, let me know. But shortbread is the greatest biscuit on earth. Some would argue shortbread's not a biscuit. Okay Tell me why Some would argue that it's shortbread Wow That's philosophical And I hear Alex googling it right now Alex what is the answer? It's a specific type of biscuit Well there you go Okay I'm going to go in for So I'm going to go in for a Jaffa Kate here I'm going to try a Jammie Dodger I'm going to try a Rich T Fucking hell And I'm going to try a Bic Someone's not watching them wait for Christmas are they?

16:38Okay Pidgey Here we go He's very partial to a biscuit. Broken half. That is good ASMR. Is that a rich tea? Yeah. My grandfather invented this. Great-great-grandfather invented this biscuit. That's a new... It's basically like what I would imagine puppy's taste of. Do you know what I mean? That is very good. It's like O-T. It's got the smell of puppy's paws as the taste of that biscuit. And I think like a lovely little cheesecake basin right there. And then here's a little jammy dodger. That is really good. Sophie? Jammy dodger. And I mean this in the nicest way possible because I loved visiting, but they're giving it old people's home.

17:22It's like whenever you used to go and visit your grandparents, which I'd love to do, but it was always Jeff and Kates and Jammy Dodgers. By the way, I have realized something since becoming a parent. And I think all parents are going to agree with me. And I want to hear what you think, my lovely wife. All right, lovely man. All right, lovely lady. So when I see someone walk onto a plane now, having become an adult with a child, with a baby, I think to them, you rock star. You allow that baby to cry as much as you want. If that baby cries, I'm going to clap you. I'm going to make sure that you know that I am so okay with your baby crying.

17:59And I don't mind one bit if your baby cries. Because when you're on a flight with a baby, as we did with a 12-hour flight with Ziggy. And Ziggy didn't cry. But the whole time I was worried he was going to cry. I know the anxiety you feel and the stress that you feel and the worry that you feel that you're going to upset everyone on the flight. And now having become a parent, I'm like, if you have your baby and it cries, you freaking rock and you let that baby cry. You let them cry. Do you know that? I didn't actually tell you this because I know that you, there's certain things that piss you off.

18:29And it's like, if anyone's rude to me, bad driving road rage. This man has serious road rage. I don't know where it comes from considering you're literally the worst driver in the world and you've only just passed your driving test. And if someone like does something that you would think would affect children, like now that you're a dad. How do you know those are the three things? Because I see it. Anyway, I walk in. Affect children? What do you mean affect children? I don't know. Just anyway, I walk into the plane and I have Ziggy on me. Gorgeous, sleepy boy. He's just been made to stay awake until this flight and he's just absolutely over it.

19:00and this man couple in front of me fucking losers the man turns to his wife who my face it goes you've got a baby behind you who said that the man in front of me and I was like but like let's be honest we would have been like that before we had children we'd have been like oh fuck's it we pay business and we've got a baby behind us no I would never have been like that I wouldn't have either actually anyway

19:28anyway Ziggy was I don't know Did this person say that? The Lord God shot down on us and was like do you know what I'm going to give you a really great time because that boy slept the entire flight and I don't know how lucky we were Anyway Did someone say that? Yes Get over it now That annoys me Is that why you didn't tell me? Yeah And then when I left the flight I looked him straight in the eye and I went he was a good baby wasn't he? Because I was like shut your mouth because everyone came over and they were like he was so good he didn't cry and I looked straight that man in the eye and I was like yeah he was really good wasn't he?

19:58And he would have left and gone, sorry, that weird lady just said that straight to my face. He was really weird. He looked like Cat Stevens. He looked like Cat Stevens. I'm really upset you didn't tell me who this person was. Because my oh my, would I have given them a look. You would have been kicking away at their seat in front of you. I would have been pushing their seat. I would have given them so many dirty looks, it's frightening. And if they had spoken to me, I'd have said nothing. But I would have given them some dirty, dirty, dirty looks. That's what I would have done. So anyway, the flight, my point is, is that I think people who take babies on flights are champions.

20:34I think they're heroes. I think 100 % you should cheer them on if someone brings a baby on a flight because man, oh man, it's stressful. I agree. Last thing I want to say before we move on. All right. I went to Dancing with the Stars, which is basically strictly come dancing, but in America. I appeared on TV. Don't know if you see my Instagram post, but I appeared on TV and people thought I was Peyton Sawyer for One Tree's Hill stalker, Derek. Which, by the way, is uncanny and I don't know how I'd ever, never put the two and two together. How niche is that? Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill, the character, not even the actor, the stalker from it called Derek.

21:16That's who they thought I was. Yeah. Let's just give the people what they want and go on to Listeners Messages. You ready? It's time for Listeners Messages.

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23:24ExciteOSA at springsleep.com slash sleep20. Code sleep20 for 20 % off. ExciteOSA is an FDA-cleared prescription-only device for primary snoring and mild obstructive sleep apnea. Not for everyone. Individual results vary. Risks and benefits at springsleep.com. This message is brought to you by today's sponsor, Walden University. Set a course for change. Now is the time to make a real change in your life, career, and community. At Walden University, we give you the support and flexibility to get the W. Walden's online programs are designed for working professionals like you. You'll gain hands-on skills to take on real-world challenges and succeed.

24:10Your future is waiting, and Walden is here to help you achieve it. Take the first step to make your impact. visit waldenu.edu walden university set a course for change certified to operate by chev right hi jamie and sophie this happened a few years ago and i don't love thinking about it but it is worth telling you so my friend and i just moved into a flat second floor of a converted house it all seemed great but from the first night we had some issues with noise from the upstairs neighbor not loud exactly but a constant scraping and slow heavy thumps at two or three in the morning. You know the kind what makes you think what the hell are they doing up there?

24:48Thumps is a weird one. Thump-a-dump-dump. After about a fortnight of this we messaged the landlord and he said he'd look into it but wasn't much help. I went up a couple of times in the day to knock on the door but there was no response. Eventually I met the dancer's neighbor got chatting and asked if she knew who the top floor inhabitants were. The answer was not what I expected. There was a couple who'd lived there, but they'd both died about two months earlier. Get out of here. This can't be true. Together in the flat, apparently natural causes. Nobody had found them until days later. The flat was empty and cleared out.

25:22I didn't spend another night in that place. We went to my mum's that evening and never went back except to collect our things in daylight. We didn't argue with the landlord because he hadn't told us. We broke the lease and lost the deposit, but I'm sure you can understand why. Can I just say, I've been hearing thumps in our house. No, come on I've been hearing Scrates and scratches And I thought Is there mouse in the walls? Do you hear that up In Ziggy's room? No, it's not in Ziggy's room I hear it in Ziggy's room I hear it in the wall Like next to it I'm not kidding you At night I'm terrified to be in his room I am terrified I think we need to move His nursery I'm terrified to be in his room And every single time I'm in his room If my back is against That door I feel like someone Sitting in the chair Watching me Did you feel the same?

26:04There is someone In Ziggy's room watching us. I can feel the presence. So, well, we're going to get him out of that room tonight. He doesn't sleep in there. Yeah, I know. I'm going to put him in a cot in our room. I'm going to change it. The nursery's going. Can the nursery now become a man cave? Because I reckon the ghost in there is another bloke. No. And I reckon me and him could, like, game together. Sure. Or we could, like, I don't know. I'm going to play. Do you know what things I'm going to play with this ghost? Mafia and warfare and all the rest of the shitty things you blokes play. What do you think we play?

26:37I don't know. Wild Warcraft and Mafia. Do you know what I'm going to do with my ghost male friend? Be vulnerable with him. Because I can do that with a ghost. Not with my wife. She shuts me down. I'll be like, listen, buddy. I'm going to call him Phil. Because I think that's what his name would be. I like Philip. I'll be like, Phil, listen. My wife doesn't allow me to be vulnerable. He would say, Jamie He would say, Jamie She is the most knowledgeable person out there And you, my friend Are too much of a sap I have a message Are you ready for this? Hi Jamie and Sophie I have a story to share with you That I think you might appreciate About the first intimate night I had with my now ex Eyebrows raising We had been out for the evening and we were both a little bit tipsy.

27:35Change of tone straight away. I wasn't expecting this. I already had thrush and after having sex, it made the internal itch unbearable. Desperate for some cold relief, I sneaked into his kitchen and into his freezer where I found frozen sausages. No, no, no. You've got to be joking. Indescribable what's about to happen right now. Indescribable. Listen, don't judge a book by its cover. She may want to cook them. I'm judging her. Don't judge her. The path of my being is judging that guy. And so I took one into the bathroom with me. Without really thinking it through, I put it inside me.

28:15Big mistake. I'm really sorry. You're not going to get a moldy frozen piece of meat and shove it in your thrush itchy vagina. It's frozen, so it's solid. Big mistake. The frost stuck to my skin. It was incredibly painful. and after a few minutes, I couldn't get it back out without hurting myself. Meanwhile, my new man appeared at the bathroom door to find me sitting naked on the floor. I had to confess what I had done and we ended up using the shower to get it out as gently as possible. Oh my God, because it would have come out like a sausage. Paying the price with the canistene cream. Canistene cream.

28:52Canistene cream. But here's the best bit. The only positive thing to come out of that night was that my son was conceived. So technically my son's existence owes it to a frozen sausage. This is the best bit. Thanks for reading from Wendy. I would not expect that from a Wendy. Wendy. Wendy from Southampton. How do you know she's from Southampton? She just feels like she is. There's no word in Southampton. Wendy, what the fuck? I'm not going to lie. Wendy, are you still with that man? no that's her ex that's the weirdest part of it oh yeah it's ex I bet he was scarred because he was like the vision of you trying to peel out a sausage out of your vagina with thrush all over it really threw him off right that's the end of listening to messages because I'm scarred to an inch of my life listen these are the messages that we need people so if you are listening to this right now and you have one of these messages please send them in to us it's very simple you go into our Instagram newly parents and you go into our DMs and you type us a message with a story you can stay anonymous or you can send us a voice note or you can send us an email newlyparents at jampopproductions.co.uk our instagram is newlyparents podcast everything is in the show description we freaking love you keep sending them in that's the end of listeners messages fly a jet to the sky so i wanted to talk about your birthday okay you're 38 years old 38 years young some would say You've never looked better.

30:26You've never smelled better. You've never had better hair. You've never been in better shape. And you're a dad. You're a dilf. I've had better hair when I was younger. No, you haven't. It's never been better than this. Really? I want to do something that's really nice for both of us, okay? And I think that this is a prime time in your life. You're never going to look better now than you do now because you're only going to get older and wrinklier and psychier and all the rest of it. Okay, it's taking a depressing curve. So, I think that you should do a nude photo shoot and we should make a calendar, a nude calendar of photos for you for 2027 that I can enjoy and you can enjoy because you, when you're 80 years old, will look back at that and go, oh God, wasn't I just a great looking lad?

31:08Okay, a couple of things to unpack here. Firstly, why have I become Northern? I was thinking more American, if you ask me, because you're going to have moved Hollywood for them. I'm all little lad. Okay, I need to understand this. So you want me to do a nude photo shoot? Yeah. And make a calendar for everyone or just you and I? Just, well, I don't think that it's very PG to share it with people. I think you'd probably be cancelled. But I think you could share it with me and yourself. I'm so down for this and I can't wait. Actually, me and the team did some mock-ups of your poses and props that we thought would be really good.

31:44So we did this one. It's giving Tarzan, Naked Jamie Tarzan, cap. Sorry, is that what you think my body looks like? Yeah. Sorry, this is the creepiest. I need to show this to the camera. And for anyone who's like... And this is giving like our downstairs cinema room like the velvet lounge. Hang on, I need to understand. This is what they think I'm going to look like, okay? Anyone who's audibly listening to this, all right? The Wild King, we name this one. It's an action man mannequin lookalike with... Don't put yourself down like that. That's just a perfect representation of you. I'm wearing a candy green hat, which I always wear, naked in a very seductive OnlyFans type way.

32:24In the background is a stag and a leopard. And what I'm wearing is what looks like the leopard's skin. Tiger. It's not a tiger. It's giving Tarzan, but Jamie Leng version. The Candyman Tarzan edition. It's called Wild King. All right. It's called Wild King. Do you want to have a look at the Velvet Lounge? What's the Velvet Lounge? The Velvet Lounge is like more jumeur, more, you know, old money, chic. vibes. You've got a bit of like a little silk throw over you. Again, we kept the candy cap because we thought it was very you. I'm freaking in. I mean, I am in. Can you do a naked shoot with me as well?

32:58No, I'm not going to do the naked shoot with you. You're going to do it because I see myself naked all the time. And if you remember, so you, my birthday was obviously not very long ago. And as a gift to you, just because I was fancying it and we were out in Hollywood and it was just like a funny thing to do. I gave you the Hollywood waxing voucher. and obviously we need to get you in preparation for this and you know what that means you want me to do a Hollywood I want you to wax are you joking get that shit bald honey you want me to wax my arsehole I do it for you your turn to do it now you don't do your arsehole it's like a rat is trying to escape from it guys no it isn't well yours is like Ed Sheeran's head is just stuck down there I think well we don't really need to debate it because we actually have a waxer waiting in the wings.

33:49No, we don't. Oh, yeah. No, we don't. No, we don't. You'll be curting the day you laughed at me having wax. I'm not going to... Waxing my butthole. Oh, no, it's just your butthole, your balls. I can't. I'm joking. And if you don't do it, then you're not doing anything for the show. It's all ready. It's all set up. We'll bring a table on. We've got a modesty screen for you. I don't think I've got waxed my arse on. Jamie, you have never been stronger or braver than 38 years. Do your sun proud and do me proud. Eat a Jummy Dodger, shove it in your gob and get this done. Can I just understand, do I have to get on all fours?

34:24Yeah. Yeah, we'll get you to the table. We'll set it all up. I don't think I can do this. Yeah, you can. Take a deep breath and have a week on me and get it over. You don't understand. It's like, it's hairy down there. It is like a forest. That being ripped out is like ripping out. I mean, honestly, this is going to make me cry. Yeah, well, let's go. No, I'm worried my ball sack will be ripped off. Guys, I just not, I can't, I physically cannot do this. So are we waxing butthole or are we waxing butt cheeks? Is that what you do? I don't think I can do this. Both? Oh my God! Oh my God! I don't think I can do this.

35:03Hold on, it says... Guys... I don't think I can do this. Yeah, you can. It feels really upsetting. I'm so sorry. Oh my God! I can't! I'm worried about what you're going to see. I'm not going to see you. She said I'm going to spread your teeth. Oh my God. Oh my God. Don't clench. Oh my God. Stop clenching so much. No, I can't. He's clenching so much. And if you don't know already, Jamie has the biggest butt muscles ever. He's got a bubble butt. Okay, I can do it. That butt cheek is like solid right now. Let me sing to you. I've never like released my arsehole before. There's a first time for everything exactly.

35:41Right, let me sing to you. Oh my God. There's a first time for everything. Open up your arse. No, I need a... He can't. His little butt. He's like two eight horns. They're so tight. Let your bum be open. Oh, my God. Open up your arse. It's okay. It's just a little wax and hairs. Jamie. This is going to hurt so much. Jamie. I can't believe this is happening. It's like a nightmare. It's actually a nightmare. It's actually a nightmare, Sophie. There's nothing we can do now. There's only one way to get it off I can't, Sophie, this is really going to hurt Look me in the eyes Breathing Let's go, let's fucking go Oh my god, please You're clenching so much, this poor lady can't do her job

36:36No more, no more, please Oh my god, no more Jamie, come on. Oh my God. No more, no more, no more, no more. Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. Sorry, guys. At this moment in time, Jamie is pushing this poor lady's arm away. Oh my God. Do you ever see adults behave this pathetically? No. They've got cramp. I've done this a thousand times over. Oh my God. Do you want to see your hair? Why is it green? Jesus Christ. It's a hairy arse on, isn't it? Is that done? I'm going to turn around to the front now.

37:18That's so much more painful. Please don't you. Oh my God.

37:27Holy hell. That's brutal. So that really made me cry. That's way worse than the back. Jamie, you've done so well. I'm so proud of you. Now let's give you a little sing song to just soothe you into the next year of your life. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Jamie. Happy birthday to you.

38:11How are those balls feeling? Man, I can't believe you do that every four months. I don't, I'm lasered. But back in the day I did, before laser was a thing. If I could afford laser, I would get wax. Every month? Every three weeks, yeah. You lied to me because that butthole was really upset. Yeah, the butthole's nothing compared to the front. The front's always way worse. The front is the most brutal thing. You didn't even get, imagine going like actually on your balls. That's like properly going down below for women. I've now, I've now what I can only describe is like, I've got what looks like a really big cricket pitch.

38:50Like both sides are sort of waxed, but I just have a square of hair above my cock. Looking straight at Alex as I said that. That's what I have. It's a square because she's on both sides and just left the square. Yeah, we get it. We get it. You get the visual? We get the visual. but don't you feel free and slippery and lovely visual is this bare naked square massive cock sorry it's gonna be really good for your nude photo shoot isn't it I need to pay you back somehow and I think you've got I don't know what it is what is that and you're not a wax because there's no hair down there honey I think I think we have to I don't know what we're gonna do I think next episode I'm gonna pierce your nipple I actually always wanted and every bit back in the day.

39:38Did you? Yeah. Because then you could go topless underneath and it would show you through. Yeah. Yeah, cool, right? Really good. That is what I wanted. Look how frisky I am. At uni, I was like, oh my God, I better do that. And then my friend had one and has got infected and I was like, no, I'm not going down there. Wow. So listen, everybody, that was a pretty wild episode. Our first one back from Los Angeles. We hoped you liked the LA series. We're now back in London. We're back to business. Back with you every single week. Before we go, we've got one more thing. This week, we've got a YouTube special called Guess the Married Couple coming out this Wednesday.

40:10Now listen, we've got six mystery couples in a room and had to work out which one actually had tied the knot and got married. One couple was married, some were in a relationship, some were just friends and some were total strangers. Now it's out 4pm this Wednesday on Newly Parents YouTube. Subscribe now so you don't miss it. It's incredible. Find out what happens. We just want to say we love you. We think you're freaking great. We love you guys. Please send in all your messages and send it in to Newly Parents Podcast on Instagram or our email newbieparents at jampoproductions.co.uk If you're getting married Good luck If you're getting engaged Good luck If you're getting divorced Good luck Get a good lawyer See you next week Goodbye See you next week, goodbye