Sophie’s REAL ALIEN Encounter!

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2:22Ladies and gentlemen, before we start, we have some big news. And Sophie's not pregnant. That is not the big news that we have. Guys, we won Best Entertainment Award! Yeah!

2:39Guys, we won Best Entertainment Award at the Podcast Awards. And listen, I want to give you a minute because Jamie has slaved away in this industry. And he's never, ever won a single thing. And now you walk home with a golden crown, my boy. Makes me a little bit emotional. Don't ever take it off. Wear it to sleep and wear it to the loo. So I have to think about, I have an imaginary crown now. You're manifesting that crown because you are the entertainment king. Can you say some more things? Just keep going for a second. That's all I've got left in me. But you listeners, you viewers, everyone who's interacted or loved or liked or tapped or subscribed or shared, you guys are the reasons we do this every single week.

3:22You are the reasons that we finally won an award and you're the reasons that we keep doing it. You're the reason we get up in the morning. You're the reasons that I breathe every day. You're the reason that I even shower in the morning. You're the reason that Sophie shaves every day. It's all for you guys. So thank you. Honestly, though, we really appreciate it. and like genuinely, like, I don't even understand how we're here, you know? Why don't you give a little speech? Go on. You always make me do a speech. I've just done multiple speeches. Now's the time. Here's your speech. The floor is yours.

3:54Okay. Best Entertainment Award goes to newly parents, Sophie Lange and Jamie Lange. I don't even have the words to express my deep, deep gratitude for nominating us, for laughing at every single one of my jokes and for standing with me every time Jamie and I had an argument. You have been with me by my bad side, holding my hand through thick, through thin. You have supported us and you have loved us and you have championed us. And I, for one, will forever feel grateful. And you've changed me as a person. How? From a youthful lady to a haggard old wrench. Wrench. Wrench, as in thing you screw things with.

4:45You have changed me to a metal obstacle. I love every single one of you. Jenny out there, I see you, I love you. Thank you. Penny in the back. Not Jamie's mum, but Penny the listener. I've heard you in my dreams before. You're naming our cleaner, my mum. Sally. Jenny's our leader and Penny's my mum Sally Sally Sally Clark is the cafe across the road that we used to live at I love each and every John Jonathan Baines that's my stepfather Pete Pete no no is there a Pete there is a Pete who's Pete oh Pete was the old director of Disney name something we don't know go straight in Alex oh god that's our producer and my brother go again James My christened name.

5:36One more. Go. Sarah. Oh my God. Someone tell me. I can't stop it. Georgia. No, it's your sister. Okay, I know. Just do one more. Clear the brain. Three, two, one. Shout a name. Balding.

5:50Claire, honestly, this is down to you and I will forever be grateful. You've grown up with me in the last three years. That's Claire Balding. Deeply from the bottom of my heart. And Jamie to my husband, thank you. your hair's made a great appearance in this show and your Botox has been just absolutely on fleek in every single episode. We love you, goodbye thank you Well on that note ladies and gentlemen let's get into the episode The episode Hello I'm Jamie Leng And I'm Sophie Leng And now we're Newly Parents Oh yeah we are baby Hello everyone Welcome back to Newly Parents. Hello to any new listeners off the back of the podcast award.

6:36What are you in for today? You're in for a lot of delight, a lot of laughter, a lot of... We're probably going to talk about lots of interesting things. We're going to be talking about UFOs today. Well, I really, really want to talk about, firstly, the poll that we put out. So for any new listeners and old listeners, you know that Jamie bleaches his hair on a weekly basis. I don't do it on a weekly basis. And I am so desperate for the bleach to be removed and for his natural golden auburn locks to come through. and he just bites it on a daily basis. So I sent over to you guys, the listeners. Did you do a poll?

7:06I did a poll. You're fucking it. And we've got the results in. No, we don't. And I just, before we start this, I want to just ask, like, if the poll is, say, 100 % natural, are you still going to go and bleach that every strand of your hair white? Listen, I don't care what people say. Who are you doing it for? It's not for me. It's not for you, because your head looks fucking sore every time you bleach it. It's like red. It's like screaming, stop, stop, stop. Just let me be natural. My head is not screaming that. Every single hair follicle is like, enough. Okay. So when did you put this poll out?

7:42Last week. All right. It's good to know that you look at our socials. I didn't see it on the socials. What was the question? Can I know the question? Do we prefer Jamie? And we gave photo references. Do we prefer Jamie with his natural blonde, photo reference of you with your natural blonde, or do we prefer him with his bleached blonde? Okay. And the poll came in. Dun, dun, dun, dun. And Alex, what were the results? 81 % of your audience wants to see your natural hair back. That is a landslide. It's not a landslide. They want to see it. It's not that they like it better. 81%. Yeah. No one likes it.

8:13I don't mean to be cruel. And I think it's not bad. But your natural hair is much, much nicer. Let's do a poll for Sophie now. Sure. What poll can we do for you? Nothing. I'm completely and utterly natural. I'm glad you laughed at that.

8:32You are so natural. I'm only kidding, honey. Everything about you is natural. It is actually natural. Everything. I'm sounding inauthentic, but it actually is. Everything. The one thing I don't know is natural about Sophie is, and she tells me this, is her teeth. Because Sophie's got the biggest, strongest, like, whitest teeth. My teeth are natural. Natural teeth? I actually gone to people to get veneers, and all the dentists are like, yeah, they are too big. Like, your teeth are too big for your face. So I was going to get them all veneered off. Are they really, those teeth? and get short. Yes, they are my teeth.

8:59I was going to get those little short things, but they were going to, like your teeth are like pegs when you get veneers on. So I was like, fuck it. I'm not going to do that. They're so straight and so big and so white. I had train tracks for three years. But no, do you know what I mean, Alex? Look how straight and white they are. They are perfect. Thank you so much, Alex. They're perfect. Well, they're real, baby. I can't stop saying baby. I've never said it before in my life. They're real teeth. It's fascinating. I love it. Anyway, listen. Real teeth? What are you on about? I had strange eggs.

9:31British people typically don't have great teeth. No, it's a posh thing. I'll tell you the truth of it. Posh people have fucking gross teeth. And it's like, you think it's a flex that you're like so posh, you're too posh to get your teeth done. Get your teeth done. Whiten your teeth and straighten your teeth. I don't know what you're doing. You clearly, I didn't go to boarding school and I brushed my teeth in a very, very, very good way. My dental hygiene is next to none. Yeah. You don't. I do. You don't. You have to go to a hygienist every month because your teeth are like full of crap. No, I go to a hygienist because my nature has made my teeth collect food at the bottom of it.

10:11Darling. Darling. Darling, it's because you were never taught to brush your teeth and that is because you went to a boarding school. Who was checking that you did your teeth for three minutes? You think British posh men have bad teeth? It's true. like you you aren't the normal like demographic why am I not the normal because you like posh people don't have beachfront hair and they don't really get Botox Boris I don't get Botox and they don't have like veneers like you've got a couple like little bits of tweaking on the teeth which I am so pleased that you do okay so what other things do posh people have that is just like a given also like slightly bad breath because of the dental hygiene it's a thing okay well just describe describe a technique so for someone who someone who an alien let's do it an alien comes to earth because we're talking about UFOs today an alien comes to earth and the first person they meet is Sophie Haboo what okay hi yeah we're doing role play with an alien we're not doing role play with an alien no an alien comes to earth and the first person the alien meets is you well they'd be like fucking hell I wish I was on earth the whole time touche girl explain to an alien what a posh person's like I'm not gonna talk hi alien you've not asked but I'll just randomly tell you the first thing that you want to know on planet earth not what we talk or what we drink or what our organs do but I'll tell you what posh people do they don't fucking ever wear aftershave and probably not even deodorant I don't know why but like I don't smell anyone who is posh and went to boarding school whiffing with a nice like Hugo Boss or a nice like Creed smell like they just don't they like to just have their own mask um clothes a little bit musty too like what describe them to me like musty like you know they've been in the washing machine for a couple days and they've like damp and then they've taken them out a little bit of like bloodshot eyes and like a red nose because they all love a drink because i'm partying and they also all smoke i imagine yeah they're all smoking and their teeth are rotten.

12:18They swill, it looks like they swill their teeth out with coffee every single morning. They've got gaps in them, they're chipped, they're crooked and that's all I know about them. I also, can I just say like, I think all men have lovely, lovely attributes and I think that like, I really enjoy posh men. I'm married to one. I do think that they could do with a little bit of perfume. I hear it. Do you know what? Sophie and I were having a conversation last night and Sophie said to me, that if she was a man, she would 100 % want to date herself. This is what you... I did say that. You said to me last night that you 100 % were the best catch.

12:59No, and by the way, I didn't mean looks-wise, I meant personality-wise, and I'll explain why. Okay, go. Genuinely, I did, and I'll explain why. Like, I'm, like, easygoing. I know... I just can't. You really think that? I'm easygoing. Like, you could go out to a club and I wouldn't give a fuck. That's not true. That is not the truth. That is not true. Listen, can I just caveat with this? Sometimes when I'm downstairs a little bit late, you'll phone me from downstairs and say, come on, time for bed now. That's what you do when I'm downstairs, let alone at a club. But I'm a barrel of laughs. You are a barrel of laughs.

13:35Yes, you're a lot of fun. That is completely true. But you think you'd be a complete catch. Well, the reason I say that is because I think, because I like type B people, I'm so type B that it must be quite fun to be around like surely I know it keeps you on your toes deep down I know you struggle with the fact that I don't open my post and I don't pay my parking bills and I'm very messy I know you struggle with it but also what comes with that is if you said let's go to Guatemala tonight I'd be like sweet let's get on the flight that's where I'm coming from so you have the spontaneity which is fun Yes, and you are like type A these days Are you joking?

14:17I'm not type A at all I'm so type B But like you are a bit type A too Which is gorgeous, otherwise we wouldn't get anywhere in life Would we? I think I'm incredibly type B I'm spontaneous, I like to go out I'm free as anything I don't have any rules, I don't care about rules I don't care about anything, to be honest I think it's a sign of good self-esteem To want to date yourself I also was kind of joking that I also wasn't really. You would definitely want to date yourself. Can I ask you a question? Can I be really truthful with what we said? Can I be truthful? Can I be truthful? I'm just going to quickly be truthful first.

14:52No, I'll just be truthful for one second. I'm going to just say and then we can go into this. If you swap bodies with me, yeah, would you have intercourse with yourself? That's just so weird. I'm asking the question. Why do you take it? No, I wouldn't want to have sex with myself. Okay, sorry. Like, what is nice about that? Would you? Yeah, you would love that, wouldn't you? I think I would try it. Well, I would probably try it too, but I don't. What's wrong with that? So I'd be shagging myself looking down and it's my face, but I'm in your head, but my brain's in. Yes, if we had a Freaky Friday moment.

15:21Well, it would be very weird, but I would probably try it, yeah. And I'd do a couple things differently.

15:32Right. What were you going to say? The reason why it happened was what? So the reason why it happened is because I said that you, before work, if we didn't work, there would be no greater person to date than you. And I still think there's no greater person to date than you. Oh, yeah. She said this to me. But then I was like, but I'm just great to date anyway. Can I explain what happened? We were having this conversation. Sophie said, without work, she basically said, the first time I ever met you, you were the greatest person to date. now with work yeah and I was like no like he's just distracted right which is just like being an adult it's just life and she said don't worry because I know at some point you're going to come back but at the moment you're not as fun and I was like you freaking kidding me I'm fun and then I tried to be fun with her I was like woo woo like flicking your hair woo I was making Ziggy's milk and he came over and was like trying to cha-cha with me and I was like not the fucking time and this is not a fun I'm fucking in my head going this is fun isn't it no I meant as in like if you strip everyone back to your core core roots if you didn't have work if you didn't have this if you didn't have that if you didn't have like that's who that person is and like work and work can sometimes be a lot right we work so much like why do we work 95 % of our lives is work sing it sister we don't finish till 7pm two hours before you go to bed what's the point I got in a taxi once and the taxi driver said to me, he said, do you know, he went, do you know all swear words are four letters long?

17:10And I went, that's interesting. They're all four letters long. You know, the F word, F-U-C-K. The S word, S-H-I-T. The C word is four letters long. Do you know what my worst four letter swear word is? And I went, what? And he went, work. I was like, fucking hell, who's this philosopher? It's absolutely unbelievable. It's true I've never forgotten I said yeah you're Work And he's like yeah Go on say it Work Yeah Now when you piss you off I'm just going to go Oh work off Yeah Go on Work It's the worst swear word You can possibly say So you're saying that When you first met me I was a lot of fun No I'm just saying that Like work Adulting like sometimes Is Tarring Being an adult is tiring That's why my hero in life Is Peter Pan Because Peter Pan Never wanted to grow up I'm going to tell you something about Peter Pan.

18:01Just sit there for a second. I'm going to tell you a little something about Peter Pan. All right. Peter Pan, okay, didn't want to grow up. Right? And Captain Hook, because he didn't want to become Hook. Hook was a tyrant. And do you know what Hook was always chased by? The crocodile. What had the crocodile eaten? A clock. The clock represents? Time. Time. Captain Hook is chased by time. That's what adults are. A hundred percent. Have you not? That's deep. There you go, motherfuckers. There you go. Wow. Yeah. I really like that. And Peter Pan didn't want to be chased by time. That's why he always wanted to stay young.

18:34And the fact what happens is as we grow older, we're chased by time. We are. Yeah, that's what it is. So we think we have to do everything and get everything done. What are we all doing here? Let's pack up and go. Yeah. Do you want to hear another thing about Peter Pan? This is so interesting. Okay, J.M. Barrie, who wrote Peter Pan, right? J.M. Barrie wrote Peter Pan when he was... So Peter Pan is a story of a boy that never grew up, right? Really sad story. J.M. Barrie's brother, his name was David, and he died in an ice skating accident. and his mother was so distraught that she became incredibly depressed she couldn't leave the bed and she got psychosis and J.M.

19:08Barry would bring his mum food every single time into her room every single morning and she would have such bad psychosis that she would think it was her son who had died it was so upsetting and so traumatising for J.M. Barry that when he died they realised that he had never passed puberty and he had never grown above 5 foot to four foot six or something. So, J.M. Barrie was the boy that never grew up. Oh, my God. I feel really upset about that.

19:39I wanted to talk about the fact that you wanted to hire a lookalike. Oh, you want to talk about this? I do. Okay, so what happened, ladies and gentlemen, is I wanted to find a lookalike for me because I thought it'd be funny to film some content with a lookalike of myself. So, what I did is I phoned up a lookalike company, phoned them up. It was a guy called Andy. My wife said, hello. He said, hi, I'm Andy. I said, hi, Andy. I'm looking for a Jamie Lange lookalike. And he went, Jamie Lange? Jamie Lange. And he went, oh, that McVitie's bloke. He went, who the fuck is that? He went, for that McVitie's bloke.

20:10And I said, yeah, yeah, the guy who's great-grandfather started McVitie's. He said, wasn't he all made in Chelsea? And I said, yeah. And he said, to be honest, mate, we don't have him. But also, I can tell you this, you'll probably get the real version cheaper. Which is absolutely mental. Like, think about that as a concept. how would the real version be cheaper than the lookalike? Well, it's basically just saying you're incredibly low rent. I get what it means. Okay, so we've got some lookalikes for you. Great. This is actually, the older you've got, this one is uncanny. Ellen DeGeneres. But it's uncanny, like the long nose and like the little mouth, like the mouth, the shape of the lips.

20:51That's not my mouth. I'm not. Tiny little lips. Tiny little lips. The chin is very yours. Okay, pass Ellen here. This is Ellen. If you're listening to this, just go and check out Ellen and watch our YouTube. I'm sorry. Is that good? It's so similar. Okay, go next one. Okay, I don't see this as you, Eminem. No, I don't see that. I think it's the hair. It's the hair. He looks more like Craig, our CEO. Okay. This. Rob Rinder. Judge Rinder. Sophie and I, to speak of lookalike, Sophie and I were walking down in Maida Vale, lovely place, by the canal yesterday, having a great little time. we walked past someone and they went haha Rob Rinder and I went to Sophie they got that wrong and Sophie went I don't think they're joking I think you thought they genuinely thought that they genuinely did they were like oh my god it's Rob Rinder of course they did of course they did do you know what they shouted at you?

21:44what? Pete Burns it's not funny that's what people say I look like Pete Burns or an Afghan hound can you see it Alex? I mean Okay, fine, but they are beautiful dogs. They are. I wouldn't like to look like a little rock filer like you over there. I don't look like a rock filer. No, you don't look like one at all. What do I look like? You look like a little white Jack Russell. Perfect, that's what I'm going for. Okay, but the listeners did... Do you know what pugs were bred for? Licking girls out. I know, it's really sad, but apparently they were. Pugs in Victorian time were bred to perform cunnilingus.

22:27Is that a true thing? Because it's so upsetting if it's the truth. It cannot be true. I'm sure it's not true. I think it's a myth. Myth. It's a myth? Okay. Those are the lookalikes. All right. Well, listen, honey, before we go into Lissa's messages, this is Newly Parents. Any update we want to give on little Ziggy at the moment? Should I play the voice note of him going, in bed? Can I just quickly... He's obsessed with his mom. Sophie has turned Ziggy into a complete mummy's boy I mean this little guy if he has a little Sophie Sophie got really upset the other day because I took him downstairs, looked after him and he scraped his skin against my beard don't say ah and Sophie was furious I was furious he's such a little baby that now what he does last night I woke up in the middle of the night 3am in the morning and it's absolutely terrifying 3am in the morning it's completely dark I look to my left at the baby monitor there's my son sitting up in bed playing with his toys at 3am in the morning without saying a word I slept through it he didn't even cry out his mother dead to the world couldn't care he didn't want us he was just playing with his little muslins and this is the noise that Ziggy was making at 3am in the morning

23:53Now the debate is this Is he just going No, no, no Or is he trying to say mama? He says it's mama Everyone agrees with me No one said anything You didn't let anyone agree Alex, what do you think? I think he's saying mama You're weak You're weak You're weak I then obviously went and picked him up and then he came and slapped on me for the remainder of the night fastest leap the minute I got him oh yeah but the uptake is that he is army crawling and he's as fast as lightning but he can't quite get up onto a do the proper crawl but he is army crawling and it's honestly like nothing I've ever seen before he's as quick as lightning to any mums who are listening right now or any parents right because we haven't done this in a while and maybe they're feeling like they're in the trenches maybe they've just like come out and they're perhaps listening to this episode because they're like maybe we're going to give a little bit of advice or something or just a relief of entertainment what would you say to those new parents or those new mums or new dads or couples that are going through it okay when i look back at like early early postpartum and early early days when he was like six weeks old or whatever like i loved it so much but when you compare it to now like it truly does just get better like you know when everyone's like it gets better and better and you're like oh but i'm loving it now like i kind of was in the trenches but i didn't even know i was in the trenches like it just gets so much better you get more confident they become like just so funny i could watch him all day just playing and like they love you can see the love back you get so much back he's still not the best sleeper but like you somehow end up managing on it or just drinking shit loads of coffee it just really really does get better and what about to couples right so you're perhaps going i fucking hate him or she's annoying me and we're not and we're not connecting as much or it's just a nightmare and we're just like going this is just crap what would you say to those people how would you get through those moments i think that that is just like so normal so just know that and i think that you just have to make a conscious effort to try and like see the light with your partner and also really take some time to spend time with them like don't be like you've got to work on your marriage when you have a baby but how do you do that i like we cook together and like we try and connect together connect together i don't know you just like get less resentful and also i would say this which is quite nice when you have a baby together when you're just dating or you're just just you two together if you piss each other off or get angry at each other you can kind of just go like in your head you kind of go well i could just leave.

26:29I could just, I could get out of this. You know, there's the option. You're just like, well, if that person's going to piss me off. There's an out. There's an out. When you have kids, there isn't an out. Really, there's not an out. And so you become a much better team. You become an, I find, you become an incredible team together. Yeah. Because you get through everything. You're way more enmeshed. You're way more enmeshed. And communication is key. You've got to communicate. And you know how when you're so tired, just like, be tired together. Don't be tired on your own. Like, you've just got to force yourself to connect.

26:58Sophie and I have now decided this that we're going to take alternate nights because Ziggy doesn't sleep that well take alternate nights the only problem is is I've done two nights in a row now I don't get that I'm going to do again tonight I know I'm going to do again tonight no no no I don't get it what I mean by alternate nights is like the first the first your night one right so I had him he woke up like all night and then Monday night you had him and he slept the entire night 12 hours no he didn't shh he did stop outing my son I'm being serious now he slept 12 to 7 to 7 and it doesn't but honey he didn't He did, Jamie.

27:29You go in just stupidly if he opens his eyes and that's on you, not him. And then last night, I was like, you slept a full 12 hours, so we start fresh. That doesn't make any sense. It does start, makes sense. It does make sense. It does. So last night, I got up again because he wanted mum. So tonight, she was again. No, I didn't. I had to, I woke you up. Anyway. Do you find that the podcast helps us? I kind of do in a lot of ways. Our work is together and I do think it does make us connect. we're obviously filming our Disney show as well Raising Chelsea coming soon everyone very excited about it which I really do feel brings us together God is that really depressing I don't know why but I'm closer to you anyway I'm closer to you mentally it stops you like you get drawn away from your other world basically it's all about time but life's hard again we're all hooked and we're just racing against the clock you've just got to find those times together so don't be hooked be more Peter don't be hooked be more Peter I think for us what we do is we just try not to socialize with people on the weekends and we just really are together and like we just really like spend that time together and it's just great sing it sister on that note ladies all right sister on that note ladies and gentlemen it's time for listeners messages

28:50therapy's biggest impact doesn't show up in some dramatic breakthrough it shows up in the smallest moments. You bite your tongue instead of escalating. You put your phone down instead of firing off that text. You say what you actually mean instead of what would hurt someone else the most. Nobody applauds those moments, but they quietly change your life. That's what growing feels like, and that's exactly what Grow Therapy is here for. Grow is therapy that works, covered by insurance. Sessions average$21 with insurance, and some pay as little as$0 depending on their plan. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments.

29:27You just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality, licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends. You can search by what matters, like insurance, specialty, identity, or availability. And you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average. See if you could pay as little as$0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash ACAST. That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan. Most women have been there.

30:09Something feels off. You don't feel like yourself. Yet your doctor says everything looks fine. Spoiler, it's your hormones. MIDI is a virtual care platform built for women by women. and offers specialized hormone care from trained clinicians. Plus, it's covered by most major insurances. Getting started is easy. You can book your first visit with a clinician right away. It's not you. It's your hormones. Visit joinmidi.com to book your first visit. That's joinmidi.com. Insurance coverage varies. Check with your plan for coverage. Hey, it's Hannah Burner from Giggly Squad, and the holidays are around the corner, which means I'm officially entering my hostess Hannah era with Arm & Hammer hardball cat litter.

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31:12Okay, this is from Emily. Dear Sophie and Jamie, I was at a family wedding, and by the end of the night, in hindsight, I was far drunker than I realized. I was wandering or maybe stumbling around the venue garden and spotted my husband standing with his back to me having a cigarette. I was feeling romantic since it was a wedding. So I crept up behind him, I grabbed his bum, spun him around and gave him a very enthusiastic kiss. You can probably guess what happened next. I quite quickly realized when he pushed me away that I wasn't kissing my husband. Oh my God. I was kissing his brother. in my defence it's his fault for having a similar haircut and all men look the same in suits anyway fortunately my actual husband has witnessed the entire thing from across the garden and both saw the funny side so it didn't end my marriage it's been three years and he still loves to bring it up at every wedding that?

31:59what is it the brother turned around and like started actually like going for it? a bit horrendous it's just horrendous anyway I've got one for you here we go this is from Grant my middle name James Robin Grant hi Jamie me and Sophie. This is a cautionary tale of why you shouldn't always attempt DIY. Our house has some loose roof tiles and with winter on the way, they need a fixing ASAP. Money's a bit tight at the moment, so I decided to go and fix them myself. So on Sunday, I brought some materials and climbed through the skylight to get cracking. Unfortunately, I never got to fixing the tiles because the moment I got up on the roof, I leaned on the chimney, the whole stack came loose and fell cleanly off the side of the house.

32:39About a hundred bricks smashed into the ground all over my neighbor's aldi safe to say the professional roofer would have been the cheaper option all the hell are these ones this is jesus what's the most expensive thing you've ever broken i once reversed my um my god my grandma's drive was like a slope you know like one of those drives and i was staying at hers um my mom was away and it was like in my uni days anyway i wanted to go out and so I didn't have my car so I was like oh fuck it my grandma's not gonna know like she's just watching tv so I took her keys and I got in her car she had this big Mercedes four-wheel drive and I went and I just went straight into her house smashed the whole thing up and I was like I can't believe I've not told you that and I was in disbelief at myself you just drove it into the side of the house instead of reversing because I obviously I drove a manual so I wasn't used to like an electric so you turned around like that and then drove and it just went in and I was like oh my fucking god it crashed in front of me so that was a bad one okay it's absolutely wild I've got a proposal okay go this is from Anonymous I need to know if I'm officially the worst Brit abroad ever I was on a group holiday last year in Corfu and one beautiful evening we drove to a viewpoint in the hills to take some sunset photos there were quite a few other people around and my friend taking my photo kept telling me to move left a bit back up a bit, back up a bit more.

34:08I did exactly what he said and walked backwards, directly into a man behind me, who was down on one knee proposing to his girlfriend. No. I tripped over him, grabbed her as I was going down, and all three of us fell down the steep slope. You are joking. You're joking. Thankfully, I wasn't too badly hurt, but the man's wrist immediately started to swell up and his girlfriend was screaming at me in what I think was Italian. In the chaos, the ring had also disappeared into the shrubbery. You can't be serious. I was obviously very apologetic and thankfully all the strangers around came to help look for the ring.

34:39Incredibly, we found it and the woman said yes right before the couple were off to A &E. So somewhere in Italy, there's a newly engaged couple whose romantic proposal story will forever include me taking them both out like a human bowling ball. I remember when I was like 13, there was this really, you know, I like grew up in my bear and like everyone was like, I fancied all these boys so much. A Spanish boy who was called Jorge. Oh, Jorge. And we were playing Marco Polo, whatever that was. Marco Polo. And we were in... What was his name, Jorge? Jorge, which is Spanish for George. He fell catching the ball on this sharp corner, right?

35:15And I can only describe it... I actually feel dizzy thinking about it. Anyway, me, little girl, fancying him, 13, like, oh my God, we need to help you. Faint, flat on my face. Throw up and faint, flat on my face. And I vividly remember it. I was like, oh my God, I'll go get my mum because my house was really closed. and I'm like walking and I remember thinking oh my god I feel so sick and I just threw up and fainted everywhere and just came to with like sick all over me you're an absolute loser I was an absolute loser and a half what did you do with the sick? I also did that with an ex-boyfriend he also was playing rugby on the beach and he also hurt his ear it was like split in half and I was like everyone was like oh Sophie he's hurt his ear threw up and fainted on the beach in a bikini well then he had to help you well I just came to and I was like under a canapé with like water and ham They were feeding me ham to get some meat in me.

36:05I was like, what the hell is going on? They were feeding you ham. Packet of Spanish ham, I remember it so vividly. Well, listen, everybody. I keep sending in your listeners' messages because we absolutely love them. Send them in to Newly Parents Podcast on Instagram or newlyparents at jampopproductions.co.uk. Everything is in the show description.

36:29You know I mentioned aliens earlier. Yeah. this is interesting this year the US government have been releasing classified UFO documents another batch dropped this week so we're going to talk aliens do you believe there are aliens? yeah massively okay give me reasons why you think there are aliens I believe there are vampires I believe there are aliens I believe there are mermaids and I believe there are fairies and I think if you don't I feel sorry for you so just let me understand this you think there are vampires yeah you think so explain what a vampire is? Well, I was talking to the team about this earlier.

37:03Where do the stories come from? What? Who made up a vampire? From people's heads? It's too specific. So you think dragons existed? Yeah, probably back in the day. Okay. You think wizards? Dinosaurs did. You think wizards existed? Some form of magic, yeah. You think? Okay. I don't think there was like a Hogwarts, but I like to believe there are vampires because I think they're really fit. And I would feel sad if they didn't exist. So you're thinking of Cullen. TikTok tells me that mermaid. No, not Cullen. He did not do it for me. You're thinking of Richard Cullen. What's his name? Edward Cullen.

37:41Edward Cullen. Edward Cullen was ick. And anyone who fancied him, I don't really understand because he was so pale and weird. Whoa, whoa, whoa. And had no chat. This conversation has gone somewhere. You think Edward Cullen was an ick? Yeah, he was pale and boring as fuck. I tell you, you know who I fancy. Damon and Stefan, Salvador. Nothing will beat them. Are they way fitter than Edward Cullen? Yes. They had colour in their face. They had chat. They had charisma. And they had 10 out of 10 bodies and face. Are you serious? So they're hot. So you wouldn't have the Twilight vampires. You'd have the vampire diaries of vampires.

38:15Yes, obviously. So you think vampires exist? Would you? Yes. I think vampires exist. And you think mermaids exist? I think sirens exist, yeah. So you think sirens? Sirens are the ones that tempt you over to the rocks. You think they exist? I do. Have you ever seen a UFO? I have actually. Oh my God. I actually have. How have we never had this conversation before? We had it the other day with my friend Victoria. I was obviously blanking out. I literally, I've been with you, what, 30 years or something now. And you've never once spoken to me about aliens. Okay, well, I'll explain. When did you see this alien?

38:45So my friend Victoria was dating this guy. And his mum had bought this like farm in the middle of buttfuck nowhere in Portugal, okay? And we went out there for two weeks on holiday with her boyfriend and his mate. and we were sat outside on a starry, starry night, and then lo and behold, a UFO went over our heads. And everyone was like... Explain this UFO. It was a spaceship in the sky. Shh. So hang on a second. You saw a spaceship? I was 14 years old. I didn't really care, but it was a UFO. Are you joking? I was more interested in vodka shots and drinking. But that, it was a round circle in the sky, like really low in the middle of nowhere.

39:29Like when I tell you... You swear to me. I swear. You could ask Victoria. She actually, we saw her on Sunday and she told you about the story. So it's really good to know you listened to everyone. You saw a spaceship. I did. But yeah, I do really believe in, I think that obviously, but I don't know what aliens look like. So would you go to space? No, I'd be very scared to leave that up. Okay, but you wouldn't go to space. Would you? Yeah, 100%. So if you got the chance to go with Elon Musk tomorrow, you'd go to space? Yes. SpaceX. I would go to space. 100 % I'd go to space. I'd experience it without a doubt.

40:03Are you kidding me? I'm an explorer. I'm an adventurer. So do you think people are like trying to set up, do you think Elon's like trying to set up another place for us to live? Yes. Out in space. But why? Is that because of AI or aliens? I don't understand what's going on. There's too many things going on. The idea is that we want to go and live on another planet. Why? Because AI is going to take over. Well, no, because the world, global warming, everything. we probably need to find a new planet at some point so why not try and find if you're able to live on Mars? Okay. And you think there's like living organisms on Mars and that they've come over to here.

40:39So hear me out. So when Neil Armstrong landed on the moon, what did he say? I don't fucking know. One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. So my question to you is this. If we landed on Mars and you were the first person out to step on Mars. Oh my God, what is it with this role play? I can't bear it. I'm not in a drama exam doing improv every day. What would you say? I'd put it over to you, Jamie. I'll do it. Fine, so I'm stepped onto Mars. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to try and do it off the cuff. Here we go. First there was Adam. Then there was Eve.

41:19This is slow. Okay, I'll say this. I'll say this. step down and I would say this is a moment that will go down in history. I don't know what I'd say. First there was Adam, then there was Eve, and then there was Sophie on the moon. You're on Mars. You're on Mars. And then there was Sophie on Mars. Okay, here we go. Hypothetically, a spacecraft lands outside the house tonight. Which of you goes outside to investigate? If they seem friendly, would you allow an alien to meet Ziggy? he'd be one of the first humans to interact with extraterrestrial life. I think if it was like a really small alien, like the green man in Monsters, Inc., yeah, I'd be like, come on in, like Mike Skrowski.

42:02Mike Skrowski? Do you know who, what, Mike Skrowski? Mike Skrowski. How do you say it? Mike Wazowski. If it was like Mike Wazowski, I'd be like, come on in. Yeah. But if it was like an alien in, you know, like a horrible movie where they look like Ursula and they've got like, they're the slobbery, I would be like back to alien land I get it what would you do I think that you would not go out I think that if anyone went out it would be me are you joking Jamie you wouldn't go out just be honest now honey I defend everything the whole time Jamie Jamie you don't you ask me to come and look around the house if there's you hear like a creak in it with you and I'm like okay I'll go back downstairs in pitch black no naked I don't no fear about me there is so much fear about you we spoke this on the other episode What about when the people came and did our little, cleaned our patio outside and we were scammed?

42:53Who had to do that? Me. Yeah, well, broad daylight and two blokes. I mean, they weren't aliens in the middle of the night. I don't have fear. I go for it. Okay. Do you remember to me the other night? It's the most terrifying thing ever. This is freaking horrendous. When Sophie was away and I was solo parenting, I basically was put Ziggy to bed and I was walking down in the darkness on the stairs, right? and I was like what the hell in the darkness like what the hell is that that was on the stairs like what's that and then that thing on the stairs moved so I was like what the hell so I shined my light it was a huge spider holding a dead spider nothing about that scary to be honest like I genuinely I could pick that up with my hand and put it out the window there's no fucking ways you could I would what happens if it was a rat I would literally bad ass down okay well honey on that note we should probably it's the end of the episode we should probably end anything you want to add I just want to say thank you guys I love you all so much keep writing in keep smiling and keep fighting off the aliens and before you go don't forget to subscribe like comment you say the email address then go nudieparents.jamportproductions.co.uk amen and our Instagram is at nudieparents podcast podcast alright everybody if you're getting married good luck if you're getting divorced good luck if you're having a baby good luck if you're doing a podcast together as a couple good fucking luck and we'll see you next week goodbye we love you goodbye