Jamie and Sophie get CHILDBIRTH advice

0:02Hello everyone, welcome back to Nearly Parents. Today on the episode we talk about Jamie's unique fashion sense. Sophie talks about having a hand up her arsehole. Jamie talks about perineal massages or a tampon. And we have a doula on the show. Today's show is really special and amazing. Now two things I want to say before we start. If you haven't subscribed to the show, please do, it does us wonders. But the second thing is this, I've actually written a book. It's called boys don't cry. And it's an A to Z of everything that we don't talk about. So anxiety, loneliness, best friend, checking in, kindness, so many different things that we don't talk about in this book.

0:40And I wrote it because I truly believe that as a nation, we're really not talking about the important things. So if you think someone needs to read this book, or you have a friend, a brother, a sibling, an aunt, an uncle, a son that you think would need this book, go and check our podcast description you can pre-order the book right now and i truly believe it will help so many people who read it isn't that right honey it's amazing guys i'm very proud of them please go support and read okay enjoy the episode

1:14so you're not worried about hosting the whole family for the holidays why would i be wayfair had everything i needed to get the house holiday ready what if mike brings his cheerful dogs my The tree has tons of five-star reviews telling me how sturdy it is. But what if everyone's plus one brings a plus one? We'll see how extendable this extendable table really is. And extra chairs are on the way. Okay. What if there's a blizzard and everyone has to sleep over? Ready to go with extra bedding and towels. From guest-ready essentials to holiday decor you can trust, Wayfair delivers. Here's a tip for you.

1:46There's a podcast out there with fans waiting to be your next customer. They tune in every week. They trust the host. And that host wants to talk about brands like yours in their own words to their audience. The problem is you just haven't been introduced yet. We're Acast, where that introduction happens. As the world's largest podcast marketplace, we let you browse shows, see who's listening, and book host-read sponsorships or run your own ads all from one platform. Transparent pricing, real-time data, complete control. Start advertising on podcasts by visiting acast.com slash advertise.

2:29Hello, I'm Jamie Lange. And I'm Sophie Lange. And we've been married for two years. And we're having a baby. Yes, we are. Are you ready? Let's go. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Nearly Parents. It's Jamie here, and this is my... Wife, Sophie. And Jamie is wearing, for the listeners who don't watch our YouTube, white jeans with black suit socks. And then what I can only describe as Croc and Jones suit shoes. And if you know what Croc and Jones are, it's probably what your dad wore. That's what it's giving. Suit black shoes. Now, I've spoken previously about one of the biggest ics. Men wearing their jeans and their suit shoes.

3:16It is an illegal combo. You have not only paired jeans with suit shoes You've gone for bold white with the black And then a dark blue tucked in Now I will say up until the shoes it's quite okay Do you know what is so upsetting about this whole thing? Sophie was having a lovely massage this morning Because she's pregnant And she needs to rest I'm sorry I'm not going to ever do that again That came out of nowhere and I'm so sorry I hope everyone comes for you after this I'm so sorry This is what I deal with on a regular basis Look when I first started dating you Okay You always wore quite out there outfits I wouldn't say they necessarily went You then But they were like whatever They were you and they were fun and they were cool You then tried to go like very work wise And it was all the tight tees And the tight suit trousers And look I get it You want to be taken seriously in the work environment But I would argue that The pre the made in Chelsea Jamie's outfits were much better for me.

4:16Are you kidding me? Are you saying that what I'm wearing now is not good? No, I like the jeans. I like the top. But it's a different look. Like you were very much like a bomber jacket with a baggy teeth. You told me I can't wear, I can't buy any more bomber jackets. Yeah, because you have an addiction to bomber jackets. You don't wear any of them and they're all girls. No, they're not. And they're so big for me. So you want me to start wearing the bomber jackets now? Yeah. I walked in, Sophie was having a massage. I looked at it, I said, can I wear these shoes with this outfit because I'm insecure about what to wear and Sophie gives me credibility with them.

4:44She looked at me, she peeled her little eye open and she went, yeah, that looks great. I walk into work. I'm like, great, fantastic. I get in here. King Yui puts them on and pretends to be Michael Jackson doing a moonwalk. And I was a bit like, okay, well, maybe they're quite cool. You walk in and then say, this is all questionable. You picked it. I said it's a unique outfit. You picked it. I didn't pick it. You come downstairs and I'm mid-asleep. I asked you to bring me a Rene because my throat is burning up lava. And you bring me one Rene, doesn't touch the fucking Ziz. You said you wanted a Rene.

5:17Everyone has two. Everyone has two, you big gobbler. Then you come down and go, again, disrupt me. And you say, what shoes shall I wear? Do these go? I couldn't see. The light was shining on you. I didn't know what was going on. The light was shining on me, exactly so you could see me. No, it was blinding, because they're so shiny. Could you see blinding? So that's that. But I will say, I think your hair looks gorgeous, and I think the jeans are nice. I just think it's unique with the suit trousers. I'm changing my hair today. Oh, fuck. I know you are. I looked at your diary. You know what? This is an ongoing battle and so many of you, so many of you, Ryan, and tell me, you're like, Jamie's hair looks so much better.

5:58Like, don't let him dye it again. I don't dye it. It's so awful. That bleached scalp. Like, everyone's with me. And I see your messages and I appreciate you and I hear you. but you have to understand that I have two options in life I convince you not to dye it and your hair looks so nice like it does now which is like naturally sandy blonde with like some blonde highlights lovely but the other hand is or you dye it but if you keep it like this I spend every day for the rest of my life you going checking yourself out in the mirror and going doesn't do you really like my hair like this and I'm sick of it so dye the fucking scalp I can't hear you ask me whether your hair looks nice one more time oh my god okay on other news ladies and gentlemen Sophie's coccyx has popped out isn't that right yeah my coccyx popped out and there's three men in here and they're gasping for me yeah so when I look uncomfortable after two hours and I'm like I'm not fucking about my ass is in so much pain and I've never told the doctor I didn't tell anyone because I just thought it can't be pregnancy related I honestly couldn't think what I had done to my bum.

7:11I was like, why every time do I sit, is it like stabbing needles in my eyes? Her coccyx has popped out. And what you have to do... No, no, no, listen. Your coccyx bone, your tailbone, it goes in, it carves in. Mine's now popped out because of the pressure of the weight on my frame. It's not quite meant to happen at this stage in pregnancy. But you know what? It's all going on for me. How painful is it? Every time I sit down, it just feels like I've broken a bone in my bum. I just sit on the side. I can't remember the last time. I drive literally like I'm lopsided. One bum cheeks there and one's in the air at all times.

7:50The worst thing about it is Sophie says that the doctor has to put their fingers in her bum and pop it back in. We can try and manipulate it otherwise. But probably... Who's we? You and me. How will I do that? I don't know. I'm going to go to an osteopath. or internally is probably the level of my coccyx bone poking out. So I might have to have a glove. Like, I just feel like I'll be a cow. Like the only way I can picture me on all fours with my udders and my huge stomach and then a blue glove going onto the doctor's hand and then him shoving his hand in my arsehole. Like, that's a cow.

8:41That's really glamorous Will you come to that point then? I'm going to paint you black and white And put a trough in front of you

8:51And then we can take photos for Halloween Imagine if the doctor's just doing it And he looks down And you're just under my heart What would be funny if you looked around And it was Yui with a glove on Cuey, you here Cuey, you here You here, would you pop Sophie's coxswain back in? Anything for Sophie I wouldn't go near you, Jamie Why wouldn't you go near my You wouldn't get in there with all the piles That's it You have piles I don't Jamie, it was a joke I absolutely don't And you know what it was It was my coxswain that was not feeling right Yours is like a group of grapes No, it isn't I'm joking It's really unfunny It's so unfunny It's so unfunny It's not true out there You have a beautiful arsehole It's clean and it's beautiful And it looks glorious in all of its glory Can we talk just quickly about The actual birth And just that thing What I find so interesting about you Sob Is that You're really interested to understand What that feels like Isn't that insane?

9:54Sobby's actually intrigued to know If that was me I don't want to put fear into you But if that was me I'd be like oh my god that feels like a scary moment can i tell you my mom described it as to me yeah she said well you do the only way i can describe it is it feels like 18 bones in your body i've just broken all at once i went what bones breaking she said it's the same pain as bones breaking i went what why would you tell me that she went but you know what's amazing the minute they come out you can't feel a thing i'll do it all over again i was like well it's not come out of me yet oh so thank you sarah wiggly sarah wiggly are you serious yeah bones breaking which i can kind of understand because i feel like my ribs have broken a bit my coccyx definitely broken and so it's getting me prepared i also have like really weird spasms of like trapped nerves in like like pins and needles but on like such a high level they'll randomly happen in like right arm left arm right foot left foot and i'm like it's only mince and i've pregnant again never told the doctor so please don't tell me that i've got something really wrong with me i'm not a very good person at noting the doctor things for me like i will you're not but you are when they're in a panic where you will be like right we've got to go to hospital here and like you you you have little little pains maybe like pins and needles but you don't care broken coccyx i'm just like it's actually mad it's actually it's so juicy broken coccyx like oh whatever but oh wait, wait, the baby hasn't kicked for 30 seconds.

11:28There must be a problem. No, no, I've had absolutely outrageous muscle scans. To the point I think it's borderline strange now. But I'm still going to go. And I love it. And you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable, honey. Yeah. You did tell me also that when baby does come, or when it is going to come, that we get to induce the baby, we can have sex. yeah I lost my breath for a second

12:03do you just forget to breathe? yeah I held it with pure nerves and anticipation around us going to have sex it might be awkward it's been that long it will be awkward won't it? yeah yeah it will be awkward can't even get drunk it will genuinely be awkward it will be awkward Will we be like staring into each other's eyes? I don't think so. Yeah, I think we'll have to be doggy. You're really winning me out these days. Okay, fine. It's going to be missionary. How on earth would I tackle that? Missionary. I'm all thinking of what I'll look like at that stage and then I'll be like, come on, and you'll be like, do I have to?

12:48I would like you to be on top. Oh, my God. It's just a lot of women. It's a lot of women on top of me.

13:00Okay, stop. I got a little game that I want to play with you off the back of that. All right. It's positions that you would want to do with me. Yeah. Sexual positions that you want to do with me to induce the baby. Okay. I can start with the first one. Yeah. 69.

13:19No, I don't think my body would let me. It would crush the stomach I'd have to be like Strapped and like held up In order to do it From the ceiling What in like a swing? Yeah in a swing Because otherwise It just wouldn't work The stomach's too big I could get like one of those little cranes Yeah you'd need a crane Okay Doggy Yeah Yeah It's quite easy really Reverse cowgirl Again yeah You could do that

13:54I'd get a big one missionary I don't think I don't think I'd want to do missionary I just don't think that's nice at this stage Do you really think it's going to be awkward with me? No, obviously not No, I don't I'm fascinated by what that brings really What I'm most excited for is to be in the room with you, in our room wherever we're doing it and me just doing this to you Okay One more breath Breathe in Even that stresses me out It's not stressful We are going to have lessons On how to be less stressful Because right now You are stressful Okay Everything about you As a person Isn't anything but calm Like you are the definition Of the opposite to calm I'm calm No Nothing about you is calm Even when you're asleep You're not calm What are you talking about?

14:41I don't know The rhythm of your heart It's not calm I'm calm You're not a calm person Hang on Let's just try this out So you're going into labour Here we go Sophie breathe just breathe I'm breathing no no that's not right it's not right I would actually go boof at that point excuse me Sophie just breathe I'm breathing in through the nose out through the mouth no you're doing it way too quickly in through the nose no as in you're breathing too quickly by the way we have a little guest today we have Poppy Child coming on she's going to teach us how to do a preennial she's a doula right? she's a doula she's going to teach us or me how to do a preennial massage what's that when you're doing that?

15:30a preennial and what are you rubbing right now? the virgin this is the virgin yeah and what bit are you rubbing? the arsehole no oh my god no it's hideous I'm rubbing the labia. Wait, is the partner meant to be doing it? Yes, I do this to you. You can't do it to yourself. Yes, you can. No, are you trying it with your hand now? No, but like, I definitely could read it. No, you're going to go on all fours and I'm going to do the perennial. Absolutely. We are, honey, we are. Okay, well, let's get her in because I need to know whether that's legit. I don't even know what a perennial massage is. Is that how you pronounce it, Kingywee?

16:08No, it's perennial, I think. Perennial. Perennial. Perennial. And it's not rubbing the labia. It is. What is it, rubbing the clitoris? No, it's rubbing the hole in which the baby comes out to stop it from ripping. Which is called? The hole. A perennial hole. Perennial hole. All right. Okay. Hole number one. Okay. Hole number two? Is your wee hole. I think a wee hole is hole number one. I think that's first, right? And then hole number two and then arsehole's the third. Okay. All right. I'll tell you what. We're going to get Poppy on. But before that, it's time for Dictionary, Dictionary, Dictionary Corner, Pregnancy Edition.

16:52Okay, I have some words for you that are pregnancy and birth related, and I want you, Jamie, to tell me what they mean. Edema. Edema. Yeah. Hearing about the mucus plug last week and the dog eating it really has thrown me. Okay, what is it? the fancy word for swelling commonly in hands ankles and feet and it happens in the third trimester especially is this what's happening yeah I can't wear my rings anymore these big old trotters are by your feet do you think they're ever going to go back to normal size they're not so bad thank you very much but we might have to get my rings huge boom boom ass when you eat your popcorn now

17:39Give me that one No stop He's like Lasagna

17:50These bucket hands Gay and gnaw No they're not honey I'm kidding They're not at all I can't even notice I can't notice the difference I swear my life I'm losing the breath And the will to live Day by day Is that the end of the dictionary corner? That's the end of Dictionary, Dictionary Corner. Well, you know what time it is, people. You know what time. Listeners, listeners, listeners. Messages.

18:22So you're not worried about hosting the whole family for the holidays? Why would I be? Wayfair had everything I needed to get the house holiday ready. What if Mike brings his cheerful dogs? My tree has tons of five-star reviews telling me how sturdy it is. But what if everyone's plus one brings a plus one? We'll see how extendable this extendable table really is. And extra chairs are on the way. Okay. What if there's a blizzard and everyone has to sleep over? Ready to go with extra bedding and towels. From guest-ready essentials to holiday decor you can trust, Wayfair delivers. Saturday, September 26th, two of combat sports' most dangerous strikers collide.

18:57Bare Knuckle. Liverpool's own Darren the Gorilla Till goes to war with Cuban powerhouse Yoel Soldier of God Romero. Plus the bare-knuckle middleweight championship of the world is on the line when the reigning champ Dave the Redneck Mundell defends against undefeated British challenger Jack the Meek Cleaver Cullen. BKFC 94, Till vs. Romero. Watch it live only on DAZN. Sign up now at DAZN.com. Here's a tip for you. There's a podcast out there with fans waiting to be your next customer. They tune in every week, they trust the host, and that host wants to talk about brands like yours in their own words to their audience.

19:36The problem is, you just haven't been introduced yet. We're Acast, where that introduction happens. As the world's largest podcast marketplace, we let you browse shows, see who's listening, and book host-read sponsorships or run your own ads all from one platform. Transparent pricing, real-time data, complete control. Start advertising on podcasts by visiting acast.com slash advertise.

20:07By the way, can we quickly shout out, if anyone wants a real laugh, go and check out... Yeah, am I allowed to share KuwiYui? Please do. Yeah, go big. It's called KuwiYui. Right, listen. We'll leave a link in the podcast description to everyone. Listeners and messages. I'm going first. I've got one from Lily. Okay, Lily. I always hoped that I wouldn't have a sex story Worthy of featuring on listeners' messages But alas, here I am Brilliant, this is going to be good I will preface this Preface or preface? Preface I will preface this by saying My cat sleeps in my bed And usually my fiancé will push him off the bed While we do the deed This particular time Murphy, my cat Was in the other room So we didn't give him a thought Anyway, we went at him My fiancé finished on my chest Oh my god, graphic I was not expecting that Nor me Finishing on your chest Let me get it again Anyway We went at it My fiance finished on my chest So I lay back Why did you have to redo that bit?

20:59Because it's just great So I lay back While he fetched Shut up And let me read it boy Okay So I lay back While he fetched a towel To clean me up Obviously I'm lying there As still as I can So none drops off Onto the sheets Out of the corner of my eye I saw Murphy Wandering towards the edge of the bed I tried waving my hand away at him But it was already too late He pounced onto the bed, paws landing straight into the cum on my chest with a huge splat. My partner and I looked at each other in horror. That's terrible. It was absolutely terrible. That's terrible. How much cum was that? And why are you swallowing?

21:34He just gave a big gulp. I pushed him off and cleaned myself off, thinking that was the end of it. It was in fact not the end of it. Murphy ran into the cauldron and proceeded to sit and lick the cum off his paws. Oh my god, that is absolutely just... That is so hideous. Why is that so wrong? It's so upsetting. And also this person has written in their sex version and they're like, I didn't think, and then they straight in and go with, come on my chest. Also like Paul Murphy, I feel really upset for Murph just in the corner aimlessly licking his paws knowing they had semen all over him. I don't think it's, I've ever been more disgusted or laughed harder in my life.

22:09We now joke that he is pregnant. It's so fucked up. Murphy pregnant. Safe to say we'll be keeping the door locked while we do the deed from now on. Love it. Murphy, you're a legend. Okay, I got a wild story from Anonymous I was 30 months pregnant And I hadn't pooed in four days I was so uncomfortable I had tried everything Curries, hot sauce, prunes Nothing was helping One day I Sorry, I need a Rene Heartburn, heartburn As I'm reading Alyssa's It's savage, it's like fire Are you going to crunch it in front of us? I was so uncomfortable I tried everything Curries, hot sauce, prunes Nothing was helping One day I woke up And had the familiar feeling I'm going to poo myself I ran to the toilet but no still no poo I had had enough I got a towel Layered on the bathroom floor and squatted on the ground as low as possible I stayed there for 10 whole minutes 8 months pregnant Belly squishing between my thighs and still nothing Why didn't you just go on the low?

23:08I racked my brain then I remembered a wildlife programme Once said tiger mums lick their baby's bums to make them poo The way I was feeling, I would have happily contorted myself if I could But instead, I reached for a wet wipe and started gently wiping my bum in a licking motion Oh my god, suddenly I felt the movement in my stomach I thought, this is it There was no need to push as the wet wipe was the star of the show And then, what I can only describe as a chocolate raisin Popped out onto the towel I crumpled to the floor and bawled This couldn't be it But suddenly I realised my pain was gone At last, I stared at this raisin and tipped it into the bowl and thought, how on earth have you caused me so much grief?

23:49Nine weeks later, all those aches and pains symptoms were really worth it when you were welcomed by our sweet baby girl Havana. All the best to be the soon-to-be-the-three of you. Why didn't she just go on the loo? Why does she have to do it on the towel? Because I didn't think she'd get low enough. She really needed to squat and then she'd just wipe. Imagine if you walked in and wiping her bum. So is squatting what the motion to get a poo out? Oh, of course. You squat. Yes, that's why the loo is like that. Otherwise you'd just stand up and do it. Well, no, you wouldn't because it would drop on you.

24:17How do dogs do it? They squat. Yeah, so it's lower to the ground. No, so your body is, gravity is pushing it that way. Your arseholes are vacuumed. Okay, we have one more listener's message. Love story from Emma. Me and my husband met whilst I was travelling and working in Fiji. He is from Fiji and lived there all his life. After dating for only a few months in 2020, lockdown hit and I stayed in Fiji with him while the world closed down. We moved very fast with him proposing and finding out we were pregnant very soon after I struggled with my pregnancy as I was very sick and getting very little health support So we decided it was best for me to come back to the UK I flew back alone and we applied for his visa Six months went past and we still had no response from the home office My due date arrived with our daughter showing no signs of arriving Eight days later I received a call from my husband to tell me his visa was accepted and he was coming A few hours later, I went into labour and brought our beautiful baby girl into the world with my sister by my side My husband was finally able to join us three weeks later after many cancelled flights And trying to get to the other side of the world whilst Covid continued Four years on, we have been living together as a family of three in the UK And we are now expecting our second baby Doing so much of our last pregnancy apart, we are truly making the most of every appointment as we can and this evening we are going as a family with our daughter to find out the sex of her new little brother or sister.

25:44We couldn't feel more blessed to be having a second baby and to be doing it all together this time. Our daughter couldn't be more excited that our family is growing. Emma, congrats. Emma, E-double-M-A. That spells Emma. We love you, Emma. Emma, Emma, Emma, Emma, Emma, Emma. We love you guys. That's congrats. Write in and let us know what the sex is. To all of you Pipsqueaks We love them Pipsqueaks And all your little Nuggets of joy out there Your little Poopsicles That you poop on towels And try and rip off Those hemorrhoids Jesus Ripping that off No With nail scissors On that note Ladies and gentlemen Keep sending in those Frickin' messages Send them into our Nearly Parents podcast On our Instagram You know it Send them into our email You know it too Nearly Parents At Jampopproductions Dot cool Dot you Koo-ki.

26:38Koo-i. Koo-i. Oh, Koo-i. Oh, Koo-i. All right, everybody, that is the end of Listener's Messages.

26:52Okay, guys, we have a very exciting guest, Poppy Child, coming on, who, listen, for those of you who aren't having children at the moment and thinking, I don't want to hear this, trust me, it's going to be interesting for you. And everyone who has had kids and have been through it, you understand what this is. And people who are going through it, the same as us, this is going to be an interesting moment because Poppy's going to talk to us about hypnobirthing. I don't really know what that is. She's going to talk about massaging the vagina and about being a good birth partner. All of that is about to come.

27:21So Poppy, you ready for this, Sassy? Oh, Sasspot, I am ready. Welcome to the podcast. It's Poppy Child.

27:31Poppy, welcome. Thank you for having me. So Poppy, thank you for coming on the podcast. Now you are a doula. Yes. Can you explain what a doula is for anyone who is not educated enough that know what a doula is? Sure. So first let's talk about the difference between a midwife and doula. Because a lot of people don't know midwives are medically trained and they can obviously provide you with the emotional support, the physical support. Doulas, on the other hand, aren't medically trained, but they also provide physical, emotional, informational support And they come to your house as well, so they get to know you, become part of the family, cook you food And then they support you during your birth, so it's like continuity of care as well Whereas a midwife you might see once or twice, I don't know how you found it And they might not be at your birth as well, so the key with a doula is that they're the constant That sounds great How do you make sure to be a good birthing partner then in general?

28:30So I think there's a lot of advice about what to do. Get the water, set up the room, affirmations, counter pressure. It's all like you imagine the birth partner kind of running around doing, doing, doing. And actually the single most important thing is that you protect the bubble. Because Sophie, when you're in labour, you want to be in the zone, switching off the thinking brain. You want to be disturbed. You don't want people asking you questions. And so the person that can protect the bubble is you. And then you'll find Jamie, the labour takes care of itself and you don't have very much to do because she's now in the zone.

29:04Contractions are flowing. You're not getting like, you know, how many weeks are you or do you want a vaginal examination? And then suddenly you're like, oh, my gosh, I'm now like in my thinking zone. Yes. And not in my body. Well, I once worked with a doula client who was very much like, I know what I want. And she told me, she was like, I don't want you to fuss, like no fussing, no eating. I can't, I don't want to hear like crunching sounds. So she was very particular about what she wanted. Anyway, fast forward to the birth. It was the most hands-on birth I've ever experienced. Like she wanted me to hold the fan, wipe her like sweat away, tie her hair up at points.

29:40And then when it got to pushing, like this is quite a fun, funny story. So when it got to pushing, she was like, you know, it was active pushing. So she was kind of going like this. And the midwife was like, you need to get angry at the pushes. So she was like, how am I supposed to get angry right now? So I got the towel and I put it opposite her. And I said, right, pull up like this when you're pushing. Pull up. I was like, one, two, three. Okay, push. And she was going. Oh, wow. She was like, I'm not angry enough. And she's like, I know what to shout. Andrew Tate. Shout Andrew Tate. So I'm literally like this.

30:13No way. I'm like this. Andrew Tate. Andrew Tate. And she's like Oh my god Never in my life Would I think I would be shouting Andrew Tate In the labouring room Like it was so surreal What could I shout at you That would get you Really annoyed I don't know I was going to say Something quite inappropriate What could I shout at you I could shout What could I shout That would get you Really Hello Duffy Duffy Duffy She hates the way I greet our family's dogs So I'll go Duffy Hello hello doggies doggies doggies okay you so angry are you going to do that hello doggies but you might not you might not be forcefully forcefully pushing it might just fly out as well that's another option oh my god okay when contractions happen yeah do you have any tips or tricks to manage those how much time have you got I've got loads of tears okay go go go go okay so your your mum said right she said that in the episode you did with her that childbirth is painful and I would agree with her.

31:16It's intense. No one wants to sugarcoat it. I don't think that's helpful to any woman to say that it's going to be a breeze. She also said that the breathing only got her up to a certain point. Correct. So breathing is amazing for early labour, just getting into the zone, being calm, connecting with your body. But then when you hit transition or when it gets intense and you're like, get me the epidural or however it's manifesting for you, use the sonic breath. What is that? So, okay, in the birth world, we say floppy face, floppy fanny. Floppy face. What's a floppy face? Loose jaw. Floppy face, honey.

31:58There you go. That's it, that's it. But loose jaw, nice and loose. Loose jaw, loose pelvic floor. That's a nice way of saying it. Because you're tense in the face, don't you? Yeah, and there's a physiologically. Oh, mega floppy face. Yeah, that's it. Okay, so and what's the breathing? So the breathing, I'm going to show you. So it's just inhaling. Yeah. And when you exhale, I want you to do.

32:23That's it. But a bit louder, a bit louder now.

32:29And now I want you to do another sound that's coming to you. It doesn't have to be ah, just anything. Okay.

32:38Sorry, how long are we doing that for? I thought I had rushed. I'd be out of breath. Yeah, so you're getting nice oxygen. But let me tell you something, Sophie. You're going to do this whether you're thinking sonic breath or not. You're going to be vocalising. Most women will be like, you know, like really quite loud. I read a book, The Positive Birth Book, and it's obviously a positive birth book. And I think it's amazing. But in it, it said that the women scream out, kill me. Oh, my gosh. And when they get to transition. Well, I mean, I shouted help. And I was like, help. And I said to my husband and doula, I was like, You fuckers.

33:12No way. That's so not like me. Are you serious? Unhinged. I think the things that are going to come out of your mouth are going to be wild. Wait, sorry. So what are you like, screeped? Do you hate the doctor at that point? I'm going to be really honest. Yeah, be real, be real. Be really real. Give it to me. I'm not. Have you seen on Instagram there's lots of like, calm, breathe your baby out there? I just can't. I'm so inundated by it. It's too much for me to read. Exactly. And if you look at those videos, you'll start to think like, maybe that's it. And then when you get to the point, like your mum says, where it's like, oh, like really intense, you might internalise something's wrong with me for panicking.

33:46But actually it's normal to freak out and panic and scream. Why? Because the pain is just so indescribable. Which is a weird experience. You know, I think the pain is like that. The pain is intense. But what I would say is that the pain is intense. This is the best tip above all, is you have to think of the pain like a healthy pain. So, you know, like working out in the gym. yes reframe it and and say to yourself like no matter how intense this is these contractions can't harm me they can hurt and it can be bloody painful but they're not causing you harm okay do you know what i mean it's like it's one step closer to getting your baby exactly each surge brings me closer to my baby there you go and the great thing for you jamie is that if you've reframed it and you think about it like um functional pain yeah healthy pain yeah then you're not going to be feeling sorry for Sophie.

34:40You're not going to be like flapping around, being like, because that won't help. I'm not going to flap anywhere. I'm going to be like, this is healthy pain. Get on with it. Have a bit more self-sympathy. I'm going to have to be, it's healthy pain, honey. The baby's coming. Coming? I don't know why I said it, but it's coming. The healthy baby. Poppy, why don't we play some role play? We're in the moment and I'll give you an answer. Okay, so you're, you're, you're. Okay, I'm. Sophie, how many weeks are you? She's 30. at eight. Okay. Sophie? Sophie? Sophie? Sophie? You've got to say nothing to speak to me.

35:16Speak to me. Can I speak to Sophie? She's handling it well. You can talk to me at the moment. I know everything that she wants. How many contractions has she had so far? She's had four. Okay. Yeah. I've done the perennial massage as well. I've done the perennial massage. So we just started that at 34 weeks. So she's okay. You don't need to talk about perennial massage right now. Okay, fine. That's long gone. Okay. Anything else? I know everything Also She loves cereal So if we can get that Piled in at the end When the birth comes out She'll love that a lot Do you want your socks taken off? She loves her feet being rubbed And her back being rubbed So I'm ready there to do that Okay here we go Maybe you can rub my feet Lovely I love my feet being rubbed Loved it Yeah I know That's what I'm going to do Floppy face honey Floppy face There you go Here we go Here's a question What do you not want Jamie to do?

36:02What are the kind of things That you're like Do not do that I really don't want him to say are you okay? That's a good one. Have you told him that before? Never told me that ever. That is so good. I don't want you to keep going are you okay honey? Or like I don't want you to what panic? That's what I'm fearful of that he's going to really panic and then that's going to panic me. So when you're stressed just in normal life what's the dynamic? He's panicked. Get out of here. That needs to be addressed. He really can't cope. I'm much better now. I realise that. Me stress is his kryptonite. It's very kryptonite but not anymore.

36:36Really? No, not anymore. I just soak it up. Are you kidding me? Yesterday you were stressed. What was I like? Yeah, but I wasn't stressed. I was like more vulnerable. I'm okay. Do you know what, Poppy? I'm okay now. I've realized that her stress, when she's feeling it, nothing to do with me. It's just her own stress. And I'm here to support and help. You know what? Don't worry about me. I'll just bottle all that stuff up. And later it will come out in some other way. But that's fine. That's a good idea. And the thing about asking, are you okay? sometimes birth partners want to know if you're okay for them if that makes sense yeah because women tend to go also inward when we're in labour and we also can get angry by the way Jamie that's fine I can deal with that really how angry this is fascinating Sophie can have a tendency to be angry so how angry that is an emotion that comes up game over oh god it's the hormones I've had women like pull me like and like yeah during labour my due to clients but I say in antenatal classes do not worry Anger is a normal emotion And sometimes we just don't want to be touched We don't want to be, you know, fussed around What is a preannual Perennial Perennial massage Sophie, I'm sorry to say this But roughly 9 out of 10 first time mums will have some tearing 9 out of 10 But it's usually superficial, grazing 10 % chance you won't What do you mean grazing?

38:00So, well, I had a graze for my first birth You put grass in front of you and you eat it So on the labia, there might be a graze as the baby's coming out and it might just be, you know, like their fingernail scratches. Well, with my first birth, it was the shoulder that just went. Oh, my God. The labia, like scratch, that's fine. A graze is fine. The tear is like, that makes my stomach flip. Yeah. So there's things that you can do, like perineal massage obviously prepares the tissues. it's a great activity to connect with each other love it so the men massage your vagina well I don't know about you but can you reach probably back way yeah it's up to you but I can reach much easier well do you want do you want to I would love to okay let's get going I would absolutely love to because I can ask you about this just quickly before we get into it sex during pregnancy personally for me no eyes closed shop sorry I just I love people yeah Yeah, I know.

39:00And I said to Tom, I was like, look, just for now, like... Just for now, yeah. Shop is firmly shut. Does it open up, like, towards the very, very end? No, not for me. I can't imagine mine. I mean, I'm creeping up to that. Yeah, but do you know what? I've got to a place where I've forgotten what it's like, so I don't care anymore. Oh, no, that bad. I don't actually miss it because actually I can't remember, so I'm actually all right. I'm in a good spot. Let's get back to the perineal massage. Okay, perineal massage. Go for it. But that might make me a little bit excited. It might make you both excited.

39:34It will definitely make you excited. You never know. Because with these magic fingers. Okay, so what do we do? Okay, firstly, Jamie, can I look at your nails? I'm sounding so creepy. Are they cut? Yes, they're cut and clean and good nails. Yeah, washed, yeah? Yes, washed. They need to be really short. We can't have any, like, scratching. Okay, fine. I don't have anything here. Okay, here we go. Okay, so I'm going to demo with this one. Can I chuck this to you? Yeah, you can. We're going for a squash. And we're going for a squash. Okay, here we go. Okay, Jamie, I need you to remember this. Okay, so the anus is here.

40:02This is the anus. Do not go in there. Don't go near the anus. What happens if your partner quite likes anus? No, no, no. Anus. Maybe. I don't know about doing the anus. It's not hygienic. No, that's a bacteria. Okay, don't do that. Weirdly quite similar to your... Okay, I'm joking. Here we go. All right, so probably the anus is at the bottom of the squash. Bottom of the squash. And for all of you listeners, we're holding a half-cut open squash. And yeah, you know what a squash looks like. Okay, here we go. Now, two thumbs. Two thumbs. Lubricated. I only have... I'm holding... Oh, because it's only hot.

40:36Okay. So like this. How about this? Sophie, do you want to hold the squash? You hold it. Oh, yeah. You hold the squash. So he can focus on the technique. Lubricated thumbs. Lubricated, yeah. Okay. Oil-based. Big old thumbs. Or you use olive oil. Coconut oil. Coconut oil. Love it. Apparently coconut oil during sex is incredible. I don't know. I've never tried it. Nor have I. All right, here we go. So you lubricate this. Yes. You would insert your thumbs about two to three centimetres in. So watch my thumbs like this, like this, yeah? Sorry. Oh, my God. Okay, yeah. And then you want to massage up in a U-shaped fashion.

41:11So watch me first, Jamie. Up like this. Up and down. Yeah? You're going to find this absolutely bizarre if I do this to you. and then to aid the stretching you get to the bottom and you want to press down and what you'll feel Sophie is a little bit of stinging which is similar to the crowning stinging which I personally think wow then when it's happening you're not scared of it because you felt that stretch before and this is this is harmless like there's nothing it's your own perineum it's our husband it's a massage it's not many risks associated it's not like a crowning head exactly so then so so essentially you're pressing down then you're pressing down and you're working up and down and you're working round the vagina opening yes and you're pressing down at the bottom you're not going to the top of the vagina I know I know so it's in U-shaped yeah and just so the vagina's there in front of me yeah and I lubricate the thumbs both in yes and then up and down and press down and press down and you can actually work your way around pressing like it's clay exactly and the idea is that you're stretching those tissues god that i can already feel the pain does this hurt no it shouldn't hurt but you should feel some stretching fine like the tissue stretching exactly like that stretching yeah and the research says that you're less likely to have a severe tear and an episiotomy as well if you practice this what's an episiotomy front to back um no so an episiotomy is a cut to the perineum to widen the opening, but it's only used in a medical emergency, basically, to expedite the delivery.

42:53Oh, they snip you? Exactly. Oh, God, that. No, thank you, no, thank you. Whoa, no painkillers and people have to get snipped there. I think you would have a painkiller on board, yeah. Wow. So you only had tearing, I mean, grazing? Just grazing, but I did the perineal massage. For what month? From 34 weeks onwards. That's when I did it, and that's the recommendation and then I did it they say three to four times a week but I did it every day because I was like I just don't want to tear and for me I was savage you were doing it all the time all the time I'm going to do that to you I'm going to do it all the time honey I'm going to do it to you you just tell me so you only technically have to do it for six weeks yeah okay every day for six weeks for how long between three to four times a day yeah three to four times a day sorry sorry three to four times a week I'll be in the loo the whole time it works Jamie would be like this perineal massage what poppy this is honestly been amazing like like truly you're you've got the nicest you've got such a wonderful energy and no wonder people love working with you poppy you're amazing thank you so much for this conversation thank you for what you're doing and thank you for coming on the podcast you're you're brilliant we're going to leave your instagram social channels and everything and anything that you're doing that part outside of the dueling world that you want people to know about i have a track called the oxytocin bubble amazing which connects you into your baby during labor and women are listening to it all around the world and i get texts from midwives being like what is in this track wow but it's so calming and i'll send it to you sophie and it just connects you in with your baby who are of course like the key to the oxytocin as well so it just helps you to get into that calm state yeah that's amazing because i'm doing like a pregnancy track now but i need something like that i'll send i'll send you thank you so much oh you're the best oh Well, listen, all the best for your journey.

44:45It's going to be a big, you know, huge life change. And I think what I'd say is like, you know, sometimes things don't go to plan, but actually becoming a parent, going through all of this is character building. Like I find, like it is, there's so many things that you're going to face, but it will make you grow as people. Oh, Poppy, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. You're amazing. You're brilliant everywhere. Thank you so much. That was amazing.

45:14Well, that was a vibey... She's a gorgeous woman. She's a gorgeous woman. That was a vibey, V-I-B-E, vibey, vibey episode. I have this for when I'm contracting. She's got a comb. Just stick it. We know what to do. Honey, I'm proud of you every single day. You comb, yeah, you put it in your head like that. It looks cool. So, everyone, we hope you enjoyed this wonderful episode of Nearly Parents. And we're going to be back next Monday. Ha ha. We're back every Monday.

45:44Has anyone noticed That Jamie's really weird At the minute Or is it just me Like really really odd Kooky If you want to throw it Just karma I think when you put Those little shoesies on You get a whole new personality They take me all the way to Oz Clip clip Remember also To get in touch On our social media At Nearly Parents Podcast And you can also Send us an email Nearlyparents At jamperproductions.co.uk We look at all of them Well King Newey Looks at every single one Everyone So comment about his arsehole If you want And also remember To keep sending in anything If you have an unsung hero Someone that you think Deserves Something amazing To happen to them We want to be Those people To really champion them So let us know The unsung heroes as well Okay If you're getting married Good luck If you're getting divorced Good luck If you're having a baby Oh we love you If you're thinking about Having a baby Go do it If you're just single Ready to mingle And you're just loving life By yourself Go have sex Go and have the best time ever and we'll see you next week for another episode of Nearly Parents.

46:46Goodbye.

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