Jamie FINALLY passes his driving test!!

0:02Hello everyone, welcome back to the Newly Parents podcast. There's a very special one for you today. My name is Jamie. And my name is Sophie. And today I find out what a bellend is for the first time. We also talk about the list of things that we absolutely despise about each other. And we also discuss the potential of having sex again. Praise the Lord, baby. Please. We love you guys. Enjoy. Here it is. And remember, if you haven't subscribed already, click that button. Okay, here we go. Enjoy the episode.

0:57They quietly change your life. That's what growing feels like. And that's exactly what Grow Therapy is here for. Grow is therapy that works, covered by insurance. Sessions average$21 with insurance, and some pay as little as$0, depending on their plan. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality, licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends. You can search by what matters, like insurance, specialty, identity, or availability. And you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average.

1:38See if you could pay as little as$0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash ACAST. That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan. Thumbtack presents Tile Trouble. Every single time I use my sink, I make eye contact with the uneven grout on my kitchen backsplash. The crooked corners eye me, and I'm haunted by more tiling questions than I thought possible. What kind of pro can fix a backsplash? Can I replace one cracked tile, or should I replace them all? What? What if I just use Thumbtack? I can hire top-rated pros, read reviews, and compare prices with a tap.

2:21All on the app. Thumbtack knows homes. Download the app today. Do you keep hearing podcast ads like this one, for example, but always wonder how you actually get involved with them for your own brand or organization? Well, it's easier than you think. We're Acast, and we give you the platform to do it all yourself. Browse thousands of popular podcasts, choose the shows that match your perfect audience, set your budget, and launch. And if you want a hand, our podcast specialists are there to help you launch with confidence. This is podcast advertising without barriers. Get started at acast.com slash advertise.

3:06Hello, I'm Jamie Leng. And I'm Sophie Leng. And we've been married for two years. And we're having a baby. Yes, we are. Are you ready? Let's go. Well, we are back, bitches. We're back. Cruising. Get in my little car. Can't you? Don't drive yet. Oh, well. Don't drive and everyone listening will remember that we made a pact that you were going to be able to drive before we have a baby. Well, I have my test coming up, actually. Yeah, when? Coming up. Probably on my due date, don't you? It's not, I don't know when it is, but I'm going to, I've got the test sorted so I can... And you've taken how many lessons?

3:47I don't need any more lessons. I learn to drive. I can drive. No, you don't, Blon Boy. Blon Boy. Blon Boy. Can I ask you? You can listen. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Nearly Parents Podcast. Hello, everyone. Welcome to this semester. Oh, she's on one today, people. She is on one. Hey, we're going to start this episode. It's a bit of a sad one because this is going to be our penultimate episode of Nearly Parents. So this is going to be our second last episode. And the next one is our last episode. And then the madam, the mum, the myth, the legend. The madam. That is Sophie Habooleng, or just Sophie Leng.

4:30Sophie Charlotte Habooleng. Sophie Leng is going to go on maternity leave, and we may never see her ever again. You will see me again. I know, I'm kidding you. I will see you very soon. You're going to go and start your break. That's it. Done. Howie? Poof. Poof. Hey. Poof. Poof. Poof. And then you're going to have a little break. Well I know I'm not going to say when I am But at some point you will have a little break But obviously you wouldn't be doing the podcast without me Well yes The truth is we are going to pause you and I And we're saying Go and pause we're going to put it on ice And it's not our last episode Our last episode is next week And we're going to be doing a really lovely episode about it all But we wanted to tee everyone up for it To make sure That they know That we're very sad Anyway we need to save that for the last episode don't we you Yui's crying in the corner Look at him Please don't go So if you don't leave me with him I know I really feel bad about it I feel bad to all of you So That's it That is it That's it whippersnapper I know Listen It's time for you to take Your little bit of a break I think She's yawning down the microphone No I'm not tired Like there is something wrong with me Where I yawn every Every single second But it's I'm like not overly tired I've been much more tired In my life So you're not tired But you're yawning I cannot stop yawning it's like my body like needs to yawn what does yawning do get oxygen in yes I'm not getting enough I told you I don't breathe I don't breathe so my body's gasping for a breath and I'll tell you what else I'm gasping for I cannot physically wait to go to self-interest and get my bin in me's roll and the fish sauce that I dip it into well after this episode and you're going to have to cancel your meeting and come with me because I need you to be there with me that's what you want because the craving is you plus the Vietnamese roll.

6:26And it's all I want. And guys, the mango and prawn salad. That, you keep asking me what my pregnancy's actually when the time comes. That, pots and pots and pots. We're going to fall out. But poo whiff, it stinks. Fish sauce is one of the smelliest smells that you'll ever smell. And I actually, once I was eating it in a meeting. And Beth, our amazing agent, just stood up and she opened all the windows. And it fucking stinks in it. And I was like... Okay, that is what you're most excited for, for when baby comes out that you're going to eat. I'm not excited for it. I'm eating that now. Oh, what can't you eat at the moment that you're excited for?

7:06Give me some sushi and give me some surrounding ham. I would eat. I want to get a leg of ham. Yeah. And I don't even need to carve it. I'll eat it off the leg. I want that cured me in my mouth. That's what... So basically, when I'm holding the baby, I'm just going to be surrounded by like meat. When you're holding the baby, you want to be surrounded by meat. Yeah. Do you think everyone who's been listening to our podcast thinks it's now time for that baby to come? Guys, I just, I know, I know. Pregnancy is a long time. It's fucking 10 months. Why do we all lie and say it's nine months? Like, what are you doing to us?

7:41It is, it's 10 months. It's 40 weeks. Your due date is on 40 weeks. So why we all yark on about, oh, those nine months are tough. Even pregnant people say it. They're like, oh yeah, nine months. It's not nine months. It's harder for... It's four zero, babe. It is hard for the husband. Do you know why it's hard? Go away. Please. That's my scroll of all the things that are hard. Okay, I'll do the scroll of all the things that are annoying that you do. Here's my scroll. It's all the way. all the way to 10 bucks too. That's what you were like in my head the whole pregnancy. Sophie, where's this? Sophie, where's that?

8:24Jamie, do you mind putting up my water bottle? Oh, but how do I fill up a water bottle? Which water bottle is it? Do you want cold or hot water? Oh, do you want sparkling water? Oh, I filled it up for you. This is how you explain things. Okay, this is it. Okay, we had to pack our hospital bag the other day, right? You don't know. We had to pack our hospital bag the other day that we're going to bring to the hospital and I order all the things on Amazon. I order a fan. I order like I don't know some other shit some toothbrushes and things like that this is how you explain stuff to me you're like right I'm like okay so if we need to pack your nightie and you're like okay it's downstairs in the cupboard and I go okay well where downstairs in the cupboard downstairs in the cupboard and I'm thinking in my head right I know she's going to get annoyed if I keep asking where that is because she's got annoyed at that before so I think okay downstairs I have two options here it's either I said in the wardrobe in our bedroom no you didn't no you didn't you said downstairs in the cupboard so I went right okay I'm gonna I'm gonna place my bets it's gonna be in our bedroom and you go and it's blue and I went okay so I go downstairs I look into her drawer there is nothing there there's no there's no blue anything in there nothing blue don't you like okay well I'll tell you what you do and so then I I can't find it anywhere it's honestly so okay so my sister sends Jamie very sweetly I will say it's really sweet that you wanted to pack my my balcony like that is so cute and we did get I advise that from the midwife that it's really useful for the men to pack it so that, you know, when you're in labour, they know where everything is and they're used to all the things.

9:53I've never been pregnant before. I don't fucking know that I need an adult nappy for when I give birth. Thank you very much. So my sister, for my birthday, gave me 450 adult nappies. That's my birthday present for my sister. Georgia, I love you so much. It was so thoughtful. But quite the shock when I opened it. Ooh, what have I got? 80 adult pads, nappies, and 80 grey, size 18 pair of pants. And you, you pack all 80 to go to the hospital. Yes. All 80. I said, wait, surely we just take out like two. It was just a suitcase full of these pants. He said, no, let's pack all three boxes of nappies.

10:38I said, for me, I'm not going to go through 80 nappies in the hospital. I'd just rather pack it all. Okay, so then the other thing is earplugs. Jamie buys a pack of 1 ,000. That's all right. Fine, I get it. Cost per wear or whatever. But you surely take out one pair and you pack it. No, he packs 1 ,000 earplugs into the suitcase. Yeah, I was trying my hardest. The whole suitcase just has 80 pads, 80 pair of pants, and 1 ,000 earplugs. Yeah, damn straight. Damn freaking straight. And then you fill it up with all your shit. It's my hostel bag. And then as I heard, I was going downstairs to find a nightie.

11:16All I hear is, I'm taking your shit out the bag. No, it's quite sweet. He runs upstairs with like his boxes and his pyjamas. And what I had, by the way, for the hospital bag, for the hospital bag, I just have, for me, a pair of pyjamas and a pair of boxes. That was it. There's not enough space in the bag for that. Julie, you're meant to have your own bag. No. It's my bag. It's a hospital bag. What else if it's an emergency? I don't have time to take two. I just take one. Yeah, you do, because then you've got to take the big bag with like the placenta. What? My cleaner sent me a photo. Sounds quite weird, but she opens our parcels anyway.

11:51And she sent me a photo and she said, I'm so sorry, I've opened something with something really personal in here. And I said, what's in it? And she said, it's very personal. I said, but what's in it? She said, your placenta. And I replied, oh no, I think my placenta is still in me. Wait, you thought it was the placenta in the bag? Listen, it's the box where you send the placenta off to, but it's just a plastic box and it says, your placenta. It says, please be careful with this, it holds a placenta. Can we talk about this? For when I put my placenta in it, but it was empty. But she obviously said, she thought my placenta was in it.

12:26She was so upset. And I had to go back and I had to apologise deeply. I said, I'm so sorry, I didn't send you my placenta to open. It's in my stomach still. Can we also explain how Sophie Habu has ordered a box That when she gives birth to her placenta We put it into the box, it gets frozen We send it off to a company that makes it into pills that we then eat Not we, I eat And a moisturiser actually That is the most rogue thing in the world King Yui Go on When we make Sophie's placenta into pills Will you take one? I'd take one but I don't know if I was Sophie if I'd be up for sharing. Not up for sharing.

13:07Why are you not up for sharing? I'm not up for sharing, but I know, I just, it's the funny story that Liv Bentley ate Tiff Watson's placenta in a gummy bear. I still just say, it kills me. She went into her fridge, ate a couple of sweets and Tiff said, yeah, it's my placenta that's been made in it. If I ate someone else's placenta, I'd eat yours, Yui. Thank you. You would not eat Yui's placenta. But I wouldn't choose to eat someone's placenta. Will you drink my milk? Yeah, I'll drink your milk. I'll eat your placenta. I can't wait to try my milk. I'm not worried about all that kind of stuff. You don't, you're not eating my placenta.

13:43It's for the woman. Out of all the things on me that you had to eat. Your bum hole. Your bellend? Or do you not have one? I don't think you have one, do you?

13:58You don't think I have a bellend? You don't when you're circumcised.

14:11It will cut that bit out A bit too revealing What do you think happens when you get circumcised? Just explain this to me They cut off your belly Are you fucking mad? Wait a minute to explain So what happens? I don't fucking know I'm not the willy connoisseur So hang on They pull it up and snip the top of it? I don't fucking know. The skin off it. What do you think the bell end is? The skin on the cap? The hat? No, what are you talking about? Why do you think it's called a bell end? Is that the end? Why do you think the end of your penis is called a bell end? Is that the end and it probably looks like a bell if I really studied it?

14:52Yeah, the end of your penis, when you pull, it looks like a bell. A bell? Yes. It looks more like a mushroom, surely. The top of a mushroom. It's because you haven't seen one for ages. So you honestly thought, because I'm circumcised, that they had cut off my bellend. So what do they do? They get the skin that normally goes over the end of the penis. Over the bellend? Over the bellend to protect it. Right. They snip that away. So then you don't have anything going over the bellend. Because then, suppose... So show me what an uncircumcised bellend looks like in a circumcised bellend. Okay, Yui, get yours out.

15:27Sophie's already seen that. Have you really? Have you seen yours? That's how she's pregnant. I've for a minute thought, have I? You circumcised? You have asked me this before in the workplace. And yes, I am, yeah. Josh? No, no, don't. You can ask me. Don't go around the room and ask other people whether they're circumcised. You're so inappropriate. So watch the banjo string. The banjo string is the skin that attaches the foreskin. Basically, a willy is just loads of skin on like a rod. Just like loads of different layers of skin. Like you've got the bell end, then you've got the foreskin, and you've got the banjo string.

16:04It's all just wrinkly skin. Yes. Hey, what is that? What do you mean? Such strange little things, aren't they? The vagina's stranger. You've got the lips. What are they called? The labias. The labia minora and the labia majora. Oh, my God. Wow, what a turn for me. Anyway, the reason my scroll is out to tell you about But what I have to deal with is every single night, every single night, Sophie going, could be at any time. Could be at one in the morning. Could be at two in the morning. Could be 3.38, which it was last night. This is what I get. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Like, what is it? So I wake up. I've got cramp.

16:46I've got cramp. But you don't know. And I have to un-cramp her leg. And you're not very good at it. You're so weak. You put your hand there and I push against your hand. like the cramp is indescribable every muscle in my every fiber muscle just twists into a rope in my leg and disappears i don't understand how this is happening why it's happening no no it must stop and then as we're going back to sleep i go that's a nightmare so many nightmares you can't even like guys you don't even know tell me what nightmares you were having last night i had um i don't think we can probably put this in but this is a true nightmare that i had okay so you know family guy yeah you know the cartoons what they look like yes that's what the baby looked like but on a normal body but the head was the family guy head like the eyes when it's like anyway my sister's oh no my mom's holding the baby yeah with the family guy face on like cartoon yeah and i am in this room with my sister and she opens the door to this greasy haired man and she says your next client's here and i said oh no i don't want to georgia and she said come on you've got to do it and as i'm doing the deed my mum walks in with the family guy baby and i felt such guilt and my mom's like sorry don't mind me just getting the bottle for the baby that's the dream i had you probably need to cut that out because it's so inappropriate where was i don't know clearly left for me and I had to make a living but it was really really jarring like really jarring then I also had a dream that I was like you know when I'm a celebrity get me out of here the jungle you know the slip and slide at the end where they have to like run up and the water pulls you down I was on that but I had this pet rabbit and I kept running up and the rabbit kept falling back down so I would oh no my bunny I'd run down and get it and I'd with this holding this bunny trying to get to the top and then the bunny would fall down that was honestly ongoing for the whole duration of my sleep if anyone is a dream expert no I don't anyone out there I'm calling out you if you are a dream expert please let us know in the comments or send us a message what you think that dream all means because I think there's some serious trauma going on there but now I'm sleeping quite well because I put Mythos on by Stephen Fry and we put it all night.

19:15I woke up at 7am this morning. We went to bed at 11pm. It's still on. It's still on. So loud. It's still on. I set the timer to an hour but I must creep over in the night and just keep playing it. Yes, after you had your cramp you put it back on. Zeus. I hear so much about Zeus. These Greek mythologies are like very sexual and all sorts going on. Honestly, there is so much going on. There's so much noise in it. It's just ridiculous. Well, you seem to sleep perfectly with your lie mask on. No, I wake up all the time. I wake up all the time. Do you want to know how many times I wake up now? I wake up more times than you.

19:47Don't be ridiculous I'm awake every 40 minutes. Not every 40 minutes. Every 40 minutes I'm on the day. Oh my God. Listen, ladies and gentlemen, on that note, it is, of course, our penultimate episode and we will not forget because it's time for Listener's Messages.

20:37Thank you. insurance. Sessions average$21 with insurance and some pay as little as$0 depending on their plan. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions nights and weekends. You can search by what matters, like insurance, specialty, identity, or availability. And you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average. See if you could pay as little as$0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash ACAST.

21:20That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan. We ask podcast fans where they take the most notice of a brand. The lowest scoring answer is repetition inside a single show. But move that identical message across audio and video podcasts, across podcasts and social media clips, or having several creators talk about it, and your campaign will get a 10-point increase in brand recall. That's just one finding in the latest Podcast Pulse 2026 report from Acast. Download it for free at acast.com slash pulse.

22:06Well, thank you so much for sending in your listeners' messages. Okay, my first one's from Anonymous. Hi, Jamie and Sophie. I have a mortifying story to share with you. When I was a teenager, I went round to my friends to play spin the bottle. Her parents were out, so we thought that we could be extra wild. The bottle landed on this boy that I really fancied. We had a snog, and as the night progressed, I thought that maybe he fancied me. We ended up kissing again, this time outside on a garden bench. One thing led to another And I started to give him a handjob Hello Hello It was the first handjob I had ever given That's so exciting It's so exciting Not for the girl However Why is it not for a girl?

22:43As it was the first one he had ever received He finished very quickly The mess went all over my hand So I ran back into the house What I didn't realise is that my friend's parents had come back early So as I was running to the sink with sperm on my hand Her mum stopped me and chatted to me As she was made convo the boy I'd been snogging walked back in. He was a bit of a naughty lad, so she was shocked to see him in her house. She then looked at me and caught a glimpse of my hand. She went beetroot and called my mum immediately to tell her that I'd been distributing handjobs to the neighbourhood.

23:16What a stupid woman. We still live close by, but whenever I see her, I ignore her because I can't face trauma. That is the worst type. Sorry. Your daughter's been giving a handjob. That is awful. I remember so well My sister once had this party I think I've told you I think it was after GCSE They threw this party And it was meant to be like 20 people They all put money towards it They got a marquee It was a whole thing And literally every school in the county came Get out of here I'm not joking You need to ask my sister So there was a club in Nemington Sparkle Smack People were leaving the club And going to my house to this party Anyway Where's your mum?

23:57My mum's in the house, right? My parents are just divorced My dad is living in the coach house And my dad was meant to be away in Spain He got wind of the party So as he's driving to the airport He sends his car around and drives back Because he's like I've heard this is getting out of hand He storms into this party Shuts it all down at like 2am or something Instead of going to the airport There was 500 people in my garden I'm in Zor's Like what the hell's going on Are you freaking out? I'm just like this is wild me and my friend were watching it all from outdoors but we couldn't really see it.

24:33It was literally just in a garden. There was no lights, nothing. People going absolutely insane. Anyway, the next day, like we were all cleaning out. There was condom after condom after condom. Condom. Condom after condom after condom. What the fuck was that? How do you say it? Condom? Condom after condom. condom. There were so many condoms and my mum was finding them all and it was just awful. We were all together and like cleaning up and every time we found, I could see my mum was just like getting them in the bin. God, that's hideous. People were having sex and everything. Yeah, in our playhouse.

25:13No. Okay, I have one from Meg. Hi Jamie and Sophie, I hope you're both doing well and congratulations on nearly becoming parents. I wanted to reach out because my sister Ellie and her partner Ruben have just lived through one of the most mind blowing weeks imaginable. The kind a story that honestly sounds too wild to be true. Cannot wait. This time last week, we found out that my youngest sister Ellie was pregnant. Wonderful news, but here's the unbelievable part. She was already 38 weeks along. You're fucking kidding me. She'd experienced what's known as a cryptic pregnancy, where someone doesn't experience pregnancy symptoms until very late, or sometimes right up until birth.

25:57They were told she'd be likely induced in a couple of weeks on 7th of November, but after a whirlwind weekend of nearest and dearest running around to prepare and provide as much as possible, Ellie went into labour naturally on Tuesday the 28th of October. 75 minutes after her water's breaking and 30 minutes after arriving at the hospital, they welcomed their beautiful, healthy baby boy, eight pounds. How are you hiding£8 in your body? I don't understand There are so many little details That make their story even more extraordinary But beyond the shock factor It's generally heartwarming and eye-opening Ellie and Ruben are huge fans of you both And they absolutely love to share the story with you Ellie and Ruben have both been such a huge inspiration to all of us And are already the best parents to their little boy Who, by the way, has the most wonderful name After his mummy's positive and shiny outlook on life, Sunny Oh my god, sorry That is wild Give it to me, give it to me, give it to me I am absolutely that is I need to know more I want to guys Farsi massive congratulations you're absolute heroes the two of you that is the three of you I'm so happy for you what a like an incredible story but I just I'm fascinated that's unbelievable that is so wild okay I've got one from Laura hi I wanted to share a little bit of my own story with you my husband and I welcomed our beautiful daughter earlier this year and she truly is the best thing that's ever happened to us.

27:24The early days were amazing but also a big adjustment. My husband found the transition quite hard at first especially I already had that instant bond with our little girl. For me I found things more difficult a bit later on around the four month mark when I started struggling with postpartum depression. Thankfully I'm coming out the other side now I'm feeling much better. It's something that isn't always spoken about enough and I thought your podcast could be such a great place to shine a bit of light on it as it's such a broad spectrum of how people suffer from it both men and women my labour was long and a tough experience but one thing I wanted to say especially to Jamie is to be the best advocate you can be for her in those moments Sophie will just need to focus completely on what she's doing and it can mean so much to have someone there who knows what she wants and can speak up for her in ways she may not feel able to just like my husband did for me while I was in that early postpartum stage.

28:17I found a lot of inspiration listening to you, Jamie. Talk about your ultramarathon journey. Sweet. Before pregnancy I was really active, but recovery meant that I had to take things slowly for a while. Hearing your story gave me the motivation to get back into running. Let's go. And now my husband and I have bought a running buggy so we can all go running together as a family. I've attached a photo for you. Oh, let me see. No, the little baby girl! Oh my God, that's amazing. Guys, that's amazing. you've just given me goosebumps i'm so happy for you and like well done for sharing that because it's so true it happens to so many people and it's not spoken about enough so we really appreciate that and sending you both all of three of you so so much love so much love guys we yeah thank you for that and thank you to everyone who keeps sending in the messages just keep sending them guys and um even though it's our second last episode don't worry keep sending them in because at some point we'll obviously be back okay listen um keep sending in your messages anything at all to at nearly parents podcast on instagram or you can send us an email nearly parents at jam pop productions.co.uk everything is in the show description and that is the end of listeners listeners listeners messages all right we've got to get into the nitty-gritty now the nitty-gritty nitty gritty we had a um lovely um doula come on and we were they were talking about peroneal massages peroneal massages peroneal massages where I massage the inside of your vulva we haven't done any of that yeah and I haven't even done it myself why not I just that is as dull to me as having to open post

30:04I don't want to I barely want to moisturize my body let alone get some oil and stretch out my vagina skin. Like, what about that is appealing? So when I'm exhausted at night and I just want to sit and watch Real Housewives of London, no part of me thinking, God, I better just open my legs and start pulling my vagina to shreds. I meant to do it. No, that happens with some relationships and good for them. But I do not want you poking your little head down there and massaging my vagina. I know exactly what you're going to try and do. And I'm... Stay away. stay well away no no no and i don't want to do it someone give me some motivation to me it's the same as the thought of me going to the gym now like no i don't want to fucking go to the gym i can't go to the gym please don't make me reach my arm into my labia or whatever it's called and pull my vagina open with some oil i don't know i do need to do what i really need to get is a bloody bouncing ball too but that's also a bit like going to the gym blowing up that bouncy ball I'll blow it up for you tell you what you need to do you lazy old git you need to make the pram it's been sat there for three months every day I walk past it and go he's going to have done it he's going to have done it oh I'm going to be so proud I walk past not even unboxed it's one thing I've asked you to I've made the cot I've made the changing mat I've done all of that I've bought everything I've bought the pram you're talking absolutely shite I went and chose it you can just put it together I bought the pram with you.

31:35All right. Okay, I'm going to put it together. You did say that at this point, this is the moment that we're going to start to have sex again. Well, yes, we should be having sex. Whoa! But you don't really want to either. Not missionary. No, Jamie looks at me. This is what happened, actually. I'm sat there and I'm like moisturizing my tummy. And I'm like, yeah, we've got to start having sex now. And Jamie looks at me and goes, you're a bit of a unit.

32:00And he went, but what? Are you going to get on top? No, I'm not going to get on top. I can't even hold my own body up. How would that work? I need a lever. I need like a bungee jump from the ceiling that I could sit on if I was to go on top. That would be the only way to work. Or we can put you in a crane. And then you can just go up and down really slowly.

32:25No. So how are we going to do it? Obviously, I'm going to have to look like a cow on fours. It's the only way. What other way do you picture? I don't know please please actually genuinely like what do you do when you're at that stage I know everyone does have sex at this stage because you want to get the ball rolling but like what what can't that's the most exciting thing ever I don't think any part of you is excited about that well listen as I said we're both born again virgins I think your hymen is closed up and is that what they call my hymen isn't that my throat

33:02you know when you oh the high mix where you get like the thing that you choked out of your throat what's a hymen i'm just at the bit that bleeds right what are you talking about do you remember when you were at school right all i wanted to do all i wanted to do was to get a pony so my hymen would break and then when I lost my virginity I wouldn't bleed and be like oh yeah I lost my virginity to you I was desperate to just ride a pony dad wasn't having any of it honestly you had your baby shower I had my baby shower and we also need to start harvesting milk now these are all the things we have to do and I'm not disciplined enough you have to force me to do these things okay fine you get up at 5am and go to the gym why can't you tell me to milk my boobs at night do you have to start milking your boobs now yes Right, go and milk them Why don't you just do it?

34:00I'm scared Of what? It feels scary Why does that feel scary? You have to help me Alright We have to get a little pipette And milk them into a pipette Okay, great, let's do it Okay, tonight we'll do it That's our evening Spent milking your tits Yeah, and also Is it going to go on the sofa? I don't know Why don't we do it in the shower? My breasts I don't think people It takes a long time You sit and watch a movie And you just milk your tits Into a pipette This is fucking... I used to be going out to nightclubs and slogging people and having the best time ever. What am I doing now? I'm now sitting with a pipette watching Real Housewives of London.

34:36And then you put it in a Ziploc bag and you chuck it in the freezer. Oh my God, what has my life come to? This is my life. You had a baby shower. How was it? It was honestly so amazing. My sister sadly... My sister threw it for me, but she couldn't come because her daughter wasn't very well, which was really sad my sweet little niece but it was just the best day ever like everyone was so full of love and just I'm really lucky that I have so many amazing friends and family it was like a second wedding yeah it was like a second wedding everyone it was wild if you're going to want to see what the um baby shower is like you can go and check out our show on Disney plus coming out next year it's gonna be on that baby which i'm very excited for all right listen tell you what we are going to play a quick game before we go king yui what is the game well i just want you to see whether you like any of these baby names all right well why don't you read some out to us okay we're going to do some baby names and yui's going to read them out and see if we like them or not rowan rowan no like like i'm rowing down the river rowan i know exactly what he looks like and it's a no.

35:48Sophie? No. No. I also don't like my name. What about Jamie Jr.? Yes. I love the name Jamie. Yes. I love the name Jamie. I really want to call a son or a daughter Jamie. Edith? Like Blyton. Edith Blyton. No. I love Edie though. Edie's nice. I love Edie. There was that model called Edie. Do you remember her? Yeah, yeah. And Edie in Desperate Housewives. Oh, no. that I see she puts me off it. I was thinking, well, the model, Edie. Walter. I like Walter. Isabel. Yes, we like Isabel. Isabel's so sweet. One of my oldest, oldest, oldest friends. And my nieces is Isabel. All names are really cute, but it is who you know.

36:30It's who you know. I don't know anyone called Rowan. That's why I'm like, I've made it. Rowan Atkinson. Row, row, row your boat. That's what I think. Rowan. Cave. No. I don't like Keith. And I'll tell you why. There's a book called The Boyfriend by Freedom McFadden And Keith is just a murderer in it And I picture him A scary skinny murderer By the way we're going to have to be telling our baby stories at night Yeah because do you know what I did for my baby shower Instead of asking for presents Although my friends very generously didn't listen to that And they did buy me lots of presents Which is a present I asked everyone to bring their childhood favourite book And we have so many books We have all the childhood favourite books.

37:15And my favourite, the Rainbow Fish. Do you remember that? Yeah. Chrissy bought that one and that really brought back the memories. Okay, so we're going to see who's the best storyteller, right? We're going to start a story and then we're going to take it line by line and see where it goes. Okay, I cannot wait. Once upon a time, there was a family that... Lived in a little shed in a crack. It doesn't have to rhyme. Okay, do it again then. It's quite nice sometimes they do rhyme though We could do a rhyming one Okay, let's make it rhyming Okay, it's a rhyming story Once upon a time there was a family that Lived in a little shack with a pet bat The bat flew around the room all day And then it lay its head on the hay Nay, nay, what was that?

38:03Oh my, I think it was a rat Oh, the rat ran round the floor And then came across Wait, that's a horse there No, you loser. Rat ran around the floor and then it banged straight into the door. The door went oof out into the world. And then I went world. And then I went and found a little curl.

38:30The curl was small and looking so sweet. But you know what? The curl never missed a beat. The beat was strong. The beat was big. And yes, you guessed it, the beat had a big wig. Off came the wig and so we saw... Something so little, it was an eyeball.

38:57The eyeball winked. Hang on, that's attached to someone.

39:04Oh, I think it is, my scary daddy Jamie. Jamie scooped up all the rat and the bat and took everyone home. And then he went and shoved them into a cone. So they were quiet, so he could go and see his big wife.

39:29And she was standing there with a knife. Stop, stop, stop! Went Sophie to her husband.

39:44Die, die, die The silly dead does burn

39:52So now it's time to sleep my little one Rest your little eyes And tomorrow I'll give you a big prize You can't rhyme with yourself So no, now it's time to rest your eyes little one And it's okay because... Mummy's just begun. And it's okay because the night has just begun.

40:25It's unbelievable. I can't wait. I can't wait. You've got to rein it in a bit with a knife because that'll be scary. And no big mama. Sorry. Tell your kid that. Night, night. Sleep well. we won't get any nightmares right on that note everybody listen we're going to be back next week do not miss it because it's our final episode which is going to be emotional it's going to be happy it's going to be fun it's going to be everything we love you so much for coming on this journey with us we love you guys beyond remember to share the podcast to subscribe to tell everyone about it and remember to write in at Nilly Parents Podcast on Instagram or you can send us an email nillyparents jampopproductions.co.uk and of course we're on YouTube where we can go and watch us as well remember to subscribe there and we'll be back next week and until then to all of you wonderful people out there stay sexy if you're getting married good luck if you're getting engaged go for it if you're renovating a house yes it takes time if you're single and ready to mingle go and have the most fun ever and if you're pregnant and having a baby good luck with it we love you guys so much and we'll see you next week goodbye

41:42You've got social dialed in. Search is doing its thing. So why do your marketing results look the same as six months ago? That's because you're fishing in the same pond as everyone else. Podcast listeners are a different audience entirely. More engaged, harder to reach through traditional channels, and ready to act when someone they trust makes a recommendation. We're Acast, and we put them right in front of you. Browse thousands of the world's leading podcasts, book host reads or run your own ads, and track every conversion in real time. Same skills you already have, brand new results. Acast.

42:18Acast.com slash advertise.