Our funniest moments EVER!!

0:02Hey guys, it's me Jamie. Now, probably by now, I've had my baby with Sophie, which is very exciting. So I'm still not here at the moment, but we're taking a look back at some old episodes for you, which I hope you've been enjoying as much as we've been kind of going through them all and picking the right episodes for you. Now, we have made a Best Bits episode for you today, from nearlyweds to newlyweds to nearly parents, all combined together. so we really hope you enjoy it. And also, just have the best Christmas and New Year. Send you guys love and we hope you enjoy it.

0:54Or when you spend$200 or more on 3M painting and job site essentials. Members get more at Lowe's. Valid through 925 while supplies last. Selection varies by location. Program subject to terms and conditions. See Lowe's.com slash terms for details. Subject to change. Hey, it's Paige from Giggly Squad. What I love most about fall is the fashion, and Abercrombie is setting the standard for the season. The best-selling A &F Sloan Tailored Pan and Viral Dillon Dress are my no-fail picks for work events and happy hours. And for every day, I'm pairing a merino wool blend sweater with a Gemma satin pull-on pant for the perfect mix of high and low styling.

1:30It's a cheat sheet to the season, and I'm obsessed with it all. Shop Abercrombie in the app, online, and in stores. Hello, I'm Monica Reinagle, host of the Nutrition Diva podcast. Summer is here, and with it, the hot and sticky weather. A morning working in the garden, or maybe on the golf course, can leave you more depleted than you realize. and plain water isn't always the most efficient way to restore the balance. That's where Liquid IV comes in. Its science-backed formula is clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're exercising, playing outside, or simply surviving a summer heat wave, it's an easy way to stay hydrated.

2:07Shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV, hydration that goes wherever life takes you.

2:18hello i'm jamie lang and i'm sophie lang and we've been married for two years and we're having a baby yes we are are you ready let's go you have done so many funny things recently that you don't even know what like oh my god like one of them is the funniest thing you've ever done but i don't know if i can say it I was just like there's so many people in the room I'm not okay with you just putting it out there without looking at me like it doesn't cut the mustard it might not have to stay in it might not have to stay in no it's not not staying in there's also like 10 people in the room so just stay so if you went to me so if you went I said what are you doing today like this was like just after Christmas I was like what are you doing today she was like you were being a bit flustered and you went I wasn't being flustered I've never flustered I'm never ever flustered You said, I'm going for a clonic Yeah, I'm what?

3:15And then you looked at me Really sassy over your shoulder And you went, cleaning the pipes for you And I nearly vomited I don't care how you're saying that Because clearly I wasn't You're an arsehole for me Yeah, that's what you say I'm getting a clonic, I'm cleaning the pipes out You said, I'm cleaning the pipes for you. I didn't. I was in the gym. I went, I'm off to get a clonic cleaning the pipes for you. Obviously, I'm not. In your dreams, was I? In your dreams. That hole is like a trap. That is like, it's like hell's deep. I'm not going anywhere near that. You're not letting me anywhere near that, even if I wanted to, which I don't.

4:01Oh, my God. Whoa!

4:06You have this new sort of mating call when I come into a house. No, I don't like this one. What do you think I'm going to say? I don't know. Yeah, no, I don't like it at all. You've got to stop with the mating call thing. It's not a mating call, but it is a weird thing that you do when I come into the house. It's like a thing that you say to me. No, but it's disgusting. If you say that a lot, I literally will not talk to you ever again. I'm going to have to. And by the way, I will tell everyone what you say then. No, you can say what I say, but I can say what you say. I come into our house, into our flat, from like a lovely long day of working.

4:37And the way I know Sophie is in the house is she shouts this at the top of her lungs when I come in. Suck my clit and call me Sally Clark. That's what she says. And if I don't say the word Sally Clark, she gets annoyed. No, no. The hat's not going in. You're insane. You're insane. I didn't like that. And the funniest thing is Guys, there's a story behind this Wait, the funniest thing is Sally Clark is the coffee shop Suck my clit And call me Sally Clark That's disgusting What the coffee shop Guys,

5:25I need to explain Can you explain it I don't even know if you can do that I don't even know if that's possible I don't think it is I think you don't do that I don't ask for that and if you ever did try to actually do it I'd kick him in the face that is not the case we watched Borat and he said suck my clip no he didn't he's never said that Borat said it well Ali G no he's never they did they did that's where it came from it came from something like that he says very nice oh right very nice It's funny, it doesn't say Zagmagnit. In my head, I thought he did. So I get going, Zagmagnit. The language we have is unhinged.

6:12It's so odd. But forever we have said, smack my bum and call me Sally Clark. This poor bakery, if you knew what this bakery is like, it's like the most demure, gorgeous bakery. And we're like being so outraged about it every day. We're like, Sally Clark. We call each other Sally Clark now. Or Jessie J. That's the other one. What? She says, and then Sophie goes on to... No, I don't, don't, don't you? She does. You do, then you all go like, smack my bum and call me Jessie J. I'll have to say Jessie J. She's a singer. It is Jessie J, I think about every time I say it.

7:01What do you think are the most underrated things in your life? Serial. Serial? You think serial is underrated? Yeah. People don't talk about serial enough. Okay. What else is underrated? What else is underrated? Ooh. Give me some of yours and it'll feed my brain. Okay. Well, what do I think is underrated? I think handjobs are underrated. Because I'm really good at them. I don't know why I said that. They are overrated. They're not overrated. You think you're good? I didn't mean to. I was trying to fart back with something. You think you're good at that? No, I'm not. I don't know how to do it. It's really hard when someone's got no foreskin.

7:50Anyway, moving on. Why do you find handjobs difficult? I don't find handjobs difficult. It's like you're doing it to loads of different people. In my head, that's what I'm thinking. But why? What do you mean? I don't know Because it feels like You're giving out handjobs to people I don't find them difficult I find them easy To that person That person No I don't find them difficult I don't find a handjob difficult Obviously Surely the first like So this is going quite deep But whatever Surely the first like Sexual experience of your life Was Apart from kissing When you go to like second Was a handjob Yeah It was wasn't it?

8:25Probably yeah Oh god I can't remember Why did you just smell your fingers? You did. You're like, oh God. Like, what? I didn't just smell. It's a weird tick. I tell you what, it's underrated. Not smelling your fingers. That's fucking overrated. Stop doing it. 2025, no finger sniffing. It's got to stop calling you out. I don't want everyone to hear. I need to understand this. So your first sexual experience was a hand jogging. I bet yours was fingering somebody. And let me tell you, it wouldn't have been good. I was horrified. I was like, what are you trying to do? Scoop out my insides?

9:06Okay, come on now. Wait, what happened in your experience? What do you think happened? I don't need to know the graphic details, but what situation you were in? What happened? I can't remember. I was in a park or something, like a party in a field. Sorry, you were in a park? I was in a field party. Do you remember those field parties? Yeah, I get it. It's summertime. I can't remember what happened. I don't really want to tell the listeners about the first time someone fingered me. I don't really think that was the tone for 2025. But let's talk about the first time you licked someone out.

9:41That was actually a really horrifying experience. Oh my God. Yeah, I bet. It was. It was an absolutely horrifying experience. You would have been like licking the leg of something like that. I was. It must be confusing for guys. I get it. It's really confusing. Men, it's like quite simple. There's one thing there. You know what you're doing. Yes, completely. Boys don't know what they're doing. No, you don't have any clue because everything's like inside The way I describe it is it's like going into a plane that's crashing You have to land the plane You just start pressing loads of buttons and suddenly one works It's like Tekken and PlayStation You just tap all of them and then suddenly it works And you're like, well I don't really know what I just did then But I seem to feel like it's worked You think it works No, it does work Don't you smile at me, you old dad I used to think there was only like the Wii on it I used to think the wee hole, like where girls wee, like there's so many holes in a woman.

10:32Yeah, yeah. Like I get it. Okay, okay. Like I thought that was the hole you had sex in. It's not though, right? Oh my God. Oh my God. This is your body. I know, but it's confusing for a woman too. You think I shag you in the urethra?

10:50Sophie also told me that she developed piles. No, I didn't say that I developed pals. I said that. I didn't say that at all. And this absolutely may or may not be kept in. What I said is all I've seen throughout pregnancy is that hemorrhoid is like a pregnancy symptom. So I've been very conscious of me getting a hemorrhoid my entire pregnancy. And I, for a split brief moment, thought I might have a hemorrhoid. Well, how did you notice it? I just thought, is that a hemorrhoid? Just explain, talk me through the... No, I'm not going to. And then it wasn't. Talk me through the process. No. You felt it?

11:27No, what I'd like to know is why you have never fixed your hemorrhoids after 55 years. 55 years. Like, why is that hemorrhoid still floating around? Fix it, sort it out. You know, there's queens that like, literally, it's like putting a plaster. You like, keep the wound open. You don't want the wound to heal. You just want a hemorrhoid forever and ever and ever. Talk me through it, so... I'm not going to talk to you. I need to know. Well, you're never going to know. Did you think? No. You did? I didn't, and there is no hemorrhoid, so I can confirm. Because you said to me, you said to me. I'm hemorrhoid-free, and if you don't shut up, I will actually divorce you on the spot.

12:04You said to me, pop back in. No, I didn't say that at all, guys. That's a complete and utter lie. And anyway, the whole of the UK saw your penis this weekend, so shove that in your pipe and smoke it. Oh, my God. Why don't we explain what happened? We had a lovely weekend away. We chilled. We relaxed. We had breakfast in bed. Haven't done that in ages. Because we can't do it in our house because Sophie doesn't like eating in our house, basically. Breakfast in bed with someone with Jamie's energy consists of 7 a.m. I wake up to Jamie's breath. At 7.15, he goes, right, should we get up? No, it's the weekend and I've gone away for bank holiday.

12:44he is out the bed by 7.30 every single morning and he doesn't get back in the bed I am trying to sleep go back to sleep because it's literally so early anyway then he's like oh I think we should go to the gym and then we can go for breakfast I'm like it's 7.15 it's on weekday for fuck's sake and then I'm getting changed and Sophie decides to take a photo of me I'm completely naked standing in front of the window you weren't getting changed you were looking at your reflection in front of the window no i wasn't i was getting there was no clothes because i was getting changed sure then what happens is this is sophie goes right i'm just going to post a dump or whatever so i'm going to post a dump on my instagram i'm like sure fine whatever don't worry we also make a deal that we're going to have no phones the whole weekend so we just completely relax no phones nothing at all sophie posts it done we leave it gone we leave our phones inside we go on our day about four hours later we get a text from sophie's sister saying, oh my God, guys, check your Instagram.

13:42So we're like, what the hell? No, what Georgia did was said, oh my God, guys. And she screenshot the photo and she circled your penis on it. There's a picture of me on Sophie's Instagram. I'm completely butt naked. And in the reflection of the window, you can see my penis. And that has gone out to now a million people. It's gone out to a million people. And I'm like, what? No, the photo, the picture actually has three million views.

14:13Do you watch porn?

14:19No. Lie. Fucking liar! You're disgusting! It's not my fault. When do you do it? I don't do it. In the bath? I know it's when you have a bath. It's not in the bath. You're revolting. It's not my fault. You're gross. I obviously don't watch... You're so rad. I don't watch... Put your hands down. I don't watch porn. The system doesn't lie. Mark, you're lying. The system doesn't lie. Do you like the smell of your asshole? No. Lie. No, oh my God. You're not a very good liar. Okay. Well, yeah. Say. You're hideous. You're hideous. Mark's judging you.

15:04Sophie's obsessed with Mobland. I don't know if you know this. I'm absolutely obsessed. Basically, it's about mobs and Tom Hardy's in it and Helen Miriam. Helen Miriam and Piers Brosnan have Irish accents and it's all about gangsters and things like that. And Sophie now thinks she's a gangster. I'm going to be a mobster. Mobster? I'm going to be a mobster. All right, mobby. So you're my best mate. Your name is Fergus. All right, mate. I'm Fergus. Okay, you're Fergus and I'm coming in and I found out you shagged my wife. Here we go. Ready? All right, mate. Listen here, Fergus. What's going on with you, Harry?

15:40Why the long face? That's me pulling out my gun Just showing it Now listen here, Fergus You better have eyes Listen, listen here No, you listen to me Listen here Done Shot in the head In the eye Listen here You're the weakest link, mate Listen here You better sleep with your fucking eyes open Because if you don't All hell's breaking loose so next time you see me Fergus it'll be hell that was good that was pretty good my go my go my go okay go on so what have I done I'm a bloke I'm mob your name's mob I'm governor I'm the governor okay you're the governor and you're my son and you've actually just you're a grass wait hang on you come in hey dad how you doing

16:34You look like you've had a good day It's been alright Your day's just about to get better Better Why? On the chest A gun to your chest Dad, what's this? This is what happens to grasses I'm not a grass, Dad What? I'm not a grass? Say it again I'm not a grass Say it again I'm not a grass Didn't even let me Because I knew He wouldn't give you the chance to speak And hang on, wait Johnny clear it up get rid of the curtains and put a copper on dogs let's go for a walk that's what they do get rid of the curtains yeah because blood splattered on the curtains oh sis goes oh dad what have you done to what have you done to my brother that's what fucking happens to grass he's not your brother

17:26would you rather have a toilet that sobs quietly when you poo in it Or one that loudly demands more More, the more for sure Loudly What, like more? Yeah Every time you're pooing Yes Or like When you're pooping Yeah You want a toilet that screams more Okay, sobbing Would you rather Everywhere you go You're constantly being chased by a pigeon Or every time you go to the toilet you give birth to a baby pigeon. Oh, giving birth, for sure. But then what, you flush them down the loo? Like, you're just walking out there, oh, God, found a bird in the loo. I wouldn't want to be chased by a pigeon. That would honestly ruin every day.

18:14I'd hate it so much. Go away, leave me.

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19:05You chose style. Bombas is styles for whatever you enjoy. You can run in Bombas, lounge in Bombas, dress them up, dress them down, but always give back in Bombas. Because with every item purchased, another is donated. Bombas, comfort worth calling for. Go to bombas.com slash audio and use code audio for 20 % off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com and use code audio. Hi, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman and the website The Bittman Project. One of the things that makes Whole Foods Market different is their commitment to quality standards. More than 500 ingredients are banned store-wide to give us peace of mind whether we're browsing through the store or shopping online.

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20:23Visit waldenu.edu. Walden University. Set a course for change. Certified to operate by Chev. Hello, I'm Monica Reinagle, host of the Nutrition Diva podcast. Summer is here and with it, the hot and sticky weather. A morning working in the garden or maybe on the golf course can leave you more depleted than you realize. And plain water isn't always the most efficient way to restore the balance. That's where liquid IV comes in. Its science-backed formula is clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're exercising, playing outside, or simply surviving a summer heat wave, it's an easy way to stay hydrated.

21:00Shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV, hydration that goes wherever life takes you.

21:13We had to invite one person into our relation to have a threesome. What? What? What? I'm just saying hypothetically. Okay Hypothetically speaking If we invited one person To our relationship To have a threesome Who would it be? I just don't feel like Bradley Cooper Would be the right person I think it would have to be Oh my god This is actually It was awful Yeah that's a really weird Topical conversation Who would yours be? You wouldn't have a girl? No You wouldn't? Would I? Maybe I would I don't know You'd want me and Bradley Cooper Taking you down You in the other room

21:50that is just the worst no no no every part of it you make everything uncomfortable you made it uncomfortable you do it and then I answer me giving Bradley Cooper a handjob just to warm him up

22:07I know what felching is what? I know what this is why do you know what that is? because it's like a famous word that people generally know what felching is. Oh, you're disgusting. No. You've felched before in your life. I've never felched before, no. Felching is where you orgasm into someone's butthole and then suck it out with a straw. Yeah. Felching is when you sip. Sip, guys. Why would you sip? You sip your cum out of your partner's anus after having anal sex, normally using a straw. So you get your pooey cum and you go, mm-mm-mm, I want to try it. Truffle butter is what it's called. That is absolutely disgusting.

22:46And then you get a straw and you slap it up. My friend said to me once that he likes to go all down there. And he said it's fine, you just have to get through the bum vinegar. He likes to rim. Yeah, he said it's like licking a battery. What? Tastes like metal. Why would a bum hole taste like metal? That's way better than I thought it would taste like. balm for vinegar i wouldn't imagine it because it's like it's like a um metallic thing it's like stingy how would you know because that's just notoriously what it's like uh pelching have you ever licked have you ever licked anyone's bum no no why are you asking me that i'm your wife what the fuck if you were on a date and someone did that and then for whatever reason you ended up doing that and then they said they put and they poured out a little straw and they poked it through my bum hole i would literally clench so hard it would i'd eat the straw i'd clench so hard it would just suck up into me i'd be like get away from me

23:58so if you had a pet hamster two chip and biscuit okay chip was such a little bastard he's biting me all over basically it was lovely sophie had one hamster it was a hamster and she had the hamster and she put it in one of those balls that they run around in that ball then went over the top of the stairs marble floor it bounced bounced bounced smashed on the floor and she looked at the hamster i thought it dislocated its arm because it had like this thing i was like chip running down the stairs as it was like and then i see the little hamster on the floor and they stand still and they look at you and I was right at the top of the stairs, had this thing coming out of it.

24:35And when my dad caught it and it wasn't, it was a treat that was like, they lodged them in the back of their throat. Like they stored them in their little mouths. What is going on? It was, it's true. They stored these things. That's why they had these big mouths. So it was actually a treat that like... Where was the treat coming out of? It wasn't poking out the skin. Where was it then? Just poking like, forming a thing. Biscuit though. Sorry. So the hamster, slow down. The hamster. Chip, your hamster, so this is where I'm wondering. Chip. Had rolled down the stairs. Ginger white. Basically me.

25:12Chip had rolled down the stairs, bounced down the stairs, smashed at the bottom, and out of its skin was part of its food that had stalled in the back of his mouth. No, it wasn't out of its skin. That is so traumatising for any child. It wasn't out of his skin. Listen up and listen clearly. All right, big girl. It was like me when I eat and get bloated. It was like this, obviously the skin's so thin, this treat, which was like this little steak thing. That had formed a mould of a treat at the back. That's what happened to his hamster. It was outside of his neck, not his back. But Chip was fine.

25:47He lived on to tell the tale. Biscuit, however. Who did he tell? Who did Chip tell? Who did Chip tell? His friends. Biscuit? We're missing. Never to be seen again. One day I came home from school and I said, Biscuit? he's not there and he was gone and I swear two years later I could still hear him in the walls I swear and I was convinced convinced that he'd crept into the walls and I was convinced that he'd found like a rat or a mouse and he was going to have like rat babies in the walls of our house horrible where did Biscuit go? fuck knows maybe he died and my mum snuck him out in the middle of the night so I didn't get upset she was like oh he's just gone off to another lovely home I was like okay I'm a born again virgin So am I mate Mate, I'm a born again virgin I actually like I think that like Cell has left my body I'm like back to being like Oh, I don't really even think about sex I don't think about it Don't cross my mind Good, you needed to do a detox Doesn't cross my mind Don't think about it Really?

26:52Because this podcast Like the chat that you try to bring in It doesn't feel like you don't think about it I don't think about it I'm a born again virgin Okay Don't worry. That beast from the east, the beast from the east will come back once the baby's born. Crumble, crumble, crumble. Crumble, crumble, crumble. A big beast walking towards me. Oh, that's appetizing. Can't wait to give birth and then meet that beast. I'm picturing like a snow beast and it's crumpling on the snow. That's what I pictured. Fucking terrifying. I picture a snow, I really, really envision that. I pictured a white snow beast, crumple crumple with white blonde toupee just walking towards me.

27:33I'm ready for you. Sophie thinks it's going to be awkward the first time we have sex. It will be now because I'm going to picture you as a snowman, a really scary, enormous snowman, and I'm going to hear the words crumple, crumple, crumple. I'm ready for you. I think it is going to be awkward, isn't it?

27:57Okay, we're going to play a quick game. It's called Breaking News. right? Yeah. Make up the theme tune for me. Breaking, breaking, breaking news. Yeah. Okay, breaking news. We've written out some news headlines and you've just got to read them. Okay, you've got to read them. You can't stutter. You can't laugh. Yes, okay. You can't break. If you do, you lose. Okay. Okay? So I'm going to go first and you have to read and not laugh whatever comes into it. You can't look at it. So I can't read or laugh. You can't read. I'm going to go first and I'm going to read it. I'm going to read whatever's written on this page and I'm going to be this good at it that this is how good of a presenter I am.

28:32You ready for this? Breaking news. National treasure Jamie Lang has been arrested for screaming. I'm a little egg. Oh, that was good. It was good. It was good. I'm a little egg. Breaking news. National treasure Jamie Lang has been arrested for screaming. I'm a little egg. Come and hunt me, members of the public. Jamie Lang was found wandering Sloane Square asking passers-by if they recognise him from TV. Reports say he was detained by police after rubbing his nipples and asking police officers to arrest his mini-ex. OK, you can't break. OK, you can't break. You can't break. OK, go. News just in.

29:18Sophia Boo freezes to death after her husband leaves the window open all night long. Beloved star Sophia Boo was pronounced dead at the scene after her husband, well-known Boris Johnson...

29:32Well-known Boris Johnson impersonator, selfishly kicked off the duvet in the bed because he was too hot. Mourners have gathered at Trafalgar Square demanding justice for justice. You're so mad. Okay, here we go. News just in. My arsehole is in tatters. Studies have shown anal bleaching actually makes your arsehole stink. While those bleached blonde locks might look in the... look good in a jockstrap. It turns out bleaching your arsehole causes severe damage. Speaking from personal experience, unless you want a rotten arsehole, it's time to lay off the peroxide. What's a jockcock? A jockstrap. What's that?

30:11A jockstrap. What is that? It's like, you don't even know what you do when you play cricket. Oh yeah, I know. Okay, your turn, go. Has Jamie Leng finally bitten off more than he can chew? Jamie reveals that Easter Bunny's little willy is not made of chocolate after all.

30:31Public enemy Jamie Leng. Public enemy. Jamie Leng makes headlines this week after nearly choking to death while performing oral sex on the Easter Bunny. It wasn't even that big. I just have a very sensitive gag reflex, said Jamie. Unfortunately, Jamie is expected to... Unfortunately, Jamie is expected to make a full recovery. That's so good. The writing is phenomenal Magda, okay here we go, I got another one Here we go, I'm going to do this, this is going to be professional Here we go, down the line, here we go Breaking news, I'm a fluffy little lamb Can I guzzle your milk? Thirsty men around the world have finally Found the solution for their dry mouths and chapped lips Public figure and entrepreneur Sophie Abu has launched her booby juice And deeply hydrating formula Which tastes just like breast milk Yum yum yum, put it in my tum

31:25I'm dead It's so good It's so good Don't look at it Sophie Breaking news Sophie Abouda divorce his husband after he insists on eating his east house on his mummy's bed Harris Dickinson if you're watching this please respond to my DMs

31:51Okay, I got one more Okay, here we go I'm not going to break on this one You can't break either So let's just do this properly Here we go, ready? Our top story today Sophie Abu turns into a cream egg In a world exclusive Top shagger Jamie Lane Shares his cunning lingers tips For getting creamy Don't be afraid to get your teeth involved Said Jamie in a statement to the press Sophie Abu is one lucky lady

32:29I really respect all those women who like really you know and respect to loads of men find women very very very sexy pregnant but supposedly your vagina is better why it's like squidgy and like fuller so it obviously like it's a smaller hole thank god it's not funny it's just not thank god it's not funny because before hello oh oh Sophie Sophie Sophie this is like you're basically just saying you've got a pencil dick so I wouldn't laugh about that hello right firstly anyone listening anyone listening feels bad for me because firstly you say I had bad breath that was a fat lie and that was your first gag of the year.

33:16Now I've got pregnant, you want to say that I've got some granny gaping vagina. Like, it's not true. Everyone knows I don't have sex. So there's no way that I have a gaping vagina. Like a cave. Bats. Oh, my God. I've got a cat in the cave. Oh, my God.

33:38Do you know what an erogenous zone is? No. Have you had to guess what an erogenous zone is? It's either like a zone where you could drive through Or It's a part of your body and it's like don't go into that zone Orogenous Like it could be a sexual zone or it could be like a pedestrian zone Okay, so focus on the pedestrian zone What kind of pedestrian zone do you think an erogenous zone is? like a nature zone where you can't drive through and get fumes only electrical vehicles can go through an erogenous zone I'm guessing that's wrong oh god it's good this is brilliant what is it then it's a sexual zone okay it's a sexual zone so what erogenous zones do I have your arsehole and your penis right or your mouth what You think my arsehole is my erogenous zone?

34:39I'm assuming you only have three zones that could be sexual. Your toes aren't zony, are they? Orogenous-y zones. Your hands could be if you really wanted to. Do you think my arsehole is an erogenous zone? Yeah, it's a compass around that, I guess. Like, that area, like your gooch and your arsehole, that's going to be within an erogenous zone. What's so funny? Just tell me what it is. It is that. The way you're explaining it is so good, though. It's so funny. It's a zone, like where the senses are. Like your vagina would be an erogenous zone. It's a zone that's a part of the body that leads to sexual arousal.

35:16So it's a genital. No, it could be like if you liked having your ears kissed. Or it could be a gooch. Like your neck, honey. Oh, okay. Like your left nipple. You love that being touched. I don't, guys. What do we think, producer, you and erogenous zonas? I think ear, because he said that. I think ear, he quite likes it. I reckon his neck. I reckon he's a bit of a cat. I reckon if you scratch or kiss his neck, he's anyone's. Any other guesses? Arsehole. Arsehole. So in priority order, arsehole. Then ear, then neck. I'm so glad the way that I'm inputting into this podcast. Sorry, I knew that you were an ear guy.

35:59I could just sense it. Ears are a very stimulating area. Priority order. Oh my God, this podcast is brilliant. I have been strapped up to a labour simulator. It simulates what it's like during pregnancy. And we're apparently going to play a game. It's called Contraction Reaction. I'll ask you a series of questions all about babies and birth. For every question you get wrong, you'll be rewarded with a simulated contraction. And just to make things extra fun, each wrong answer means we crank the intensity up a little bit higher. Number one How many weeks is a full-time pregnancy? 40 Right What is the most common birth month in the UK?

36:47November What is it? September Oh my god We're up to level two now Because we started on level one True or false? Babies cry with an accent False True What the hell? They pick up speech patterns from the room. Ah, so have you pressed it up again? No, I didn't. You've got to stop screaming because I really don't like my baby to hear all that screaming. Our baby. Well, then reign it in. Which grows faster in the first year? A baby's brain, their feet, or their fingernails? Got to be fingernails. Brain. Brain. We're now on four. It's obvious. It's obvious. I just... Ah! Shh. What's the average number of hours a newborn sleeps per day?

37:31Ah, 16 hours. 14 to 17. Yeah, I'm in it. Thank God. Please no more. I can't. What level are we on? We're only on 14. Oh, my God. How do you check if a baby's milk is the right temperature? Put it on your arm. No. Put a few drops on the inside of your wrist. It's exactly. The arm is... Sophie, don't put it on. Incorrect. Incorrect. We're going up. We're now on six. Sophie, I don't think I can go any further. This is mental. Sophie, this is... Breathe through it. One step in front of the other. just like you told all those people on that ultramarathon. Oh, my God. What percentage of a couple say that they've had sex in the Babies and Nursery?

38:09What percentage? Yeah. That's a complete and wild guess. There's no logic to that. 25%. 10 to 15. Sophie, Sophie, Sophie, Sophie, Sophie. It's like gunshot. I can't do it anymore. I can't do it anymore. Leave it. We'll leave it. Last question. Sophie, Sophie, Sophie, Sophie. No, come on. One more, one more, one more. True or false? Sophie, Sophie, Sophie. Sophie, Sophie, Sophie. Sophie, Sophie. Sophie, Sophie, Sophie, Sophie. to rip my stomach to get out of Sophie. True or false, babies are born without kneecaps. Sophie, just hold on. So you can't go anymore. I haven't. True or false, babies are born without kneecaps.

38:39False. True, true, true, true, true. you said false first. We're on one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Two more. Go up to ten. I can't, Do it to yourself. I can't. Sophie, Sophie. Oh my God, are you joking oh my god are you joking that's not funny you've been panicked are you joking that's dangerous that's dangerous that's abuse that's abuse what's abuse is all of you putting me through that now i know what i've got in store for me that can't be real are you serious like what's it feel like yeah dude it was bad dude like like that was bad when it got to 10 that was like really pretty intense.

39:28I think it's probably bearable.

39:39So there you have it, guys. I hope you enjoyed the episode. With you all listening to this, we have been through so much from getting engaged and getting married to then being married, then to having a baby. And now, obviously, we're about to have our baby, which is just the best thing in the world. We can't wait to come back and see you all soon. We have no idea what's going to be next. It's a pause for now And we'll be back at some point without a doubt Now, don't forget you can keep in touch with us if you want to Our Instagram and our emails are still open So email us, nearlyparents at jampopproductions.co.uk Or you can send us a direct message on Instagram at nearlyparents We see them all, okay, and everything is in the show description And if that hasn't quite filled your cup You can go and listen to my other podcast, Great Company where I have the most amazing conversations with people like Catherine Rahn, Paloma Faith, Professor Green, Jason Derulo, and so many more.

40:31So go and enjoy it. It's called Great Company. Again, everything is in the show description. Happy New Year. We'll see you soon.

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