Sophie EXPOSES Jamie’s p*nis to the nation!!!

0:02Well, hello, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Nearly Parents podcast, the podcast about us, Sophie and Jamie becoming parents on the podcast today. Our menu is what, Soph? We talk about our biggest ex with each other. Sophie exposes my penis to the nation. I get woken up by Jamie's morning breath. We also talk about Sophie's wild eating habits. All of that coming up on the show. Enjoy.

0:33Hey, y 'all. Kelly Clarkson here with Wayfair. You know my favorite compliment during the holidays? Your house feels so cozy. That's when I know everyone's comfortable enough to kick off their shoes, grab more dessert, and stay a little longer. Wayfair makes it easy with everything from dining furniture to festive guest room essentials all in one place. So whether you're hosting for an afternoon or all weekend, everyone feels right at home. Get holiday guests ready at Wayfair.com or on the Wayfair app today. Way fair, every style, every home. This message is brought to you by today's sponsor, Walden University.

1:06Set a course for change. Now is the time to make a real change in your life, career, and community. At Walden University, we give you the support and flexibility to get the W. Walden's online programs are designed for working professionals like you. You'll gain hands-on skills to take on real-world challenges and succeed. Your future is waiting, and Walden is here to help you achieve it. Take the first step to make your impact. Visit waldenu.edu. Walden University. Set a course for change. Certified to operate by Shev. Hey, it's Paige DeSorbo from Giggly Squad, and this episode is supported by Rothy's, the brand famous for chic, comfortable flats.

1:45My listeners know I love to start an outfit with the shoes, and there's nothing better than a great flat in the fall. They're timeless, they make everything look more polished, and Rothy's iconic pointed flat, The Point, has been reimagined to be better than ever. It now has a cushioned bouncy insole with much more arch support, so it's comfortable enough to wear all day, and the point comes in so many gorgeous colors, patterns, and textures. Discover the point at rothys.com. That's R-O-T-H-Y-S dot com.

2:19Hello, I'm Jamie Lange. And I'm Sophie Lange. And we've been married for two years. And we're having a baby. Yes, we are. Are you ready? Let's go. Welcome to Nearly Parents, everyone. The show where we talk about becoming parents. I'm Jamie. And I'm Sophie. Sophie has developed something called Braxton Hicks, which is quite... I haven't developed it. I've had a few Braxton Hicks. What is it? Can you explain to everyone what it is? Well, I guess it feels like what mild labour feels like. It feels like a tightening over your stomach. I know it's false labour, apparently. It's like a false labour thing that goes on, isn't it?

2:58Yeah, but my sister never had it. Yeah, but so many people have it. I don't know if it's Braxton Hicks, guys, or it's the fact that, again, I'm a werewolf and my body cannot cope with the sheer mass of my stomach. Because we just went away for the weekend. And if you had seen what we ate, it would have put everyone to shame. Man, bus food, out the door. Sophie and Jamie bus food, winning. It was illegal. It was criminal. and I think my stomach might just be like ow ow ow with a baby with a placenta and with that sheer amount of food it's not boding well I've woken up this morning and I'm like I'm so hungry because I always am but I'm like there's no space there's no space left for me to eat I don't know if it's Braxton Hicks but just go to a doctor and get checked out I just think it's always worth it isn't it?

3:48So the baby is not crushing you at the moment? No, my stomach is. My stomach, as my dad likes to tell me, is enormous. Absolutely enormous. We were in the car. We had a lovely weekend away. It was a lovely little weekend away and we get in the car and I'm just like, Sophie's in a good mood. She's feeling... Don't I surprise? Yeah, well, sometimes it's not surprising but you know pregnancy can be a lot of times which I totally get but you're in a good mood and we're driving down the road and Sophie's dad phones her and we pick up the phone and it's all nice he's on loudspeaker in the car and Sophie's driving and he says oh my god Sophie I saw a photo of you and you look enormous way bigger than your sister and I just thought in my head for fuck's sake this is the day ruined I was silent I was like and then my silence led to No but honestly You're enormous And then he led to No but you look healthy You look healthy Shut the fuck up I don't want to be told I look healthy It's like saying Oh you look bonny What do you mean You look bonny It's like Saying like Oh like You're bubbly You're a bubbly person I don't want to be told I look healthy Or enormous What do you want What do you want to be told At the moment That you look Oh my god You look stunning You look stunning You look absolutely stunning.

5:15I tell you that every day. You look stunning. Oh, I don't need it from you. And you don't want to be told, is it twins? Which I hear all the fucking time. Or, oh my God. No, the worst is, how far along are you? And I say it and they go, oh my God, you are big. And I'm like, go sling your hook. Sling your hook. Sling your hook. Sling your hook. Sophie also told me that she developed piles. No, I didn't say that I developed piles. I said that, I didn't say that at all. And this absolutely may or may not be kept in. What I said is all I've seen throughout pregnancy is that hemorrhoid is like a pregnancy symptom.

5:54So I've been very conscious of me getting a hemorrhoid my entire pregnancy. And I for a split brief moment thought I might have a hemorrhoid. Well, how did you notice it? I just thought, is that a hemorrhoid? Just explain, talk me through the... No, I'm not going to. and then it wasn't. Don't we do the process? No. You felt it? No, what I'd like to do is why you have never fixed your hemorrhoids after 55 years. 55 years. Like, why is that hemorrhoid still floating around? Fix it. Sort it out. You know, there's queens that like, literally, it's like putting a plaster. You like, keep the wound open.

6:29You don't want the wound to heal. You just want a hemorrhoid forever and ever and ever. Talk me through it. I'm not going to talk to you. I need to know. Well, you're never going to know. Did you think? No. You did? I didn't, and there is no hemorrhoids, so I can confirm. Because you said to me, you said to me. I'm hemorrhoid free, and if you don't shut up, I will actually divorce you on the spot. You said to me, pop back in. No, I didn't say that at all, guys. That's a complete and utter lie. And anyway, the whole of the UK saw your penis this weekend, so shove that in your pipe and smoke it.

7:02Oh, my God. Why don't we explain what happened? We had a lovely weekend away. We chilled. We relaxed. We had breakfast in bed. Haven't done that in ages. Because we can't do it in our house because Sophie doesn't like eating in our house, basically. Breakfast in bed with someone with Jamie's energy consists of 7am, I wake up to Jamie's breath. At 7.15, he goes, right, should we get up? No, it's the weekend and I've gone away for bank holiday. He is out of the bed by 7.30 every single morning and he doesn't get back in the bed. I am trying to sleep, go back to sleep because it's literally so early.

7:40Anyway, then he's like, oh, I think we should go to the gym and then we can go for breakfast. I'm like, it's 7.15? It's all weekday for fuck's sake. Finally, I convinced him to get breakfast in bed. I'm like, please, you really promised. No, you convinced me to go back to sleep. I said, please, you said that this weekend. You were going to, the whole deal was Jamie was going to order breakfast in bed whilst I was asleep. So when I woke up, there would be lovely food because I wake up starving. And I convinced him to order breakfast in bed. breakfast comes Jamie eats his standing up pacing around the bed whilst I am like you are doing any should we go eat this are you sure you don't want to put this outside do you not think we should just move this outside like no fuck off and let me just eat my breakfast in bed and then I said five times please can you just sit down you cannot sit you eat pacing you're one side of the bed then you're that side then you're hovering over then you're kissing me then you're climbing on top of me just leave me alone I've had a more relaxing time on my own that's what breakfast in bed felt like with you and then I'm getting changed and Sophie decides to take a photo of me I'm completely naked standing in front of the window you weren't getting changed you were looking at your reflection in front of the window no I wasn't there was no clothes because I was getting changed sure and I'm standing in front of the window and I'm completely naked and Sophie takes a photo of me then what happens is this Sophie goes right I'm just going to post a dump or whatever I'm just going to post a dump on my Instagram I'm like, sure, fine, whatever.

9:07Don't worry. We also make a deal that we're going to have no phones the whole weekend. So we're just completely relaxed. No phones, nothing at all. Sophie posts it. Done. We leave it. Gone. We leave our phones inside. We go on our day. About four hours later, we get a text from Sophie's sister saying, oh my God, guys, check your Instagram. So we're like, what the hell? No, what Georgia did was said, oh my God, guys, and she screenshot the photo and she suckled your penis on it. There's a picture of me on Sophie's Instagram. I'm completely butt naked. And in the reflection of the window, you can see my penis.

9:41And that has gone out to now a million people. It's gone out to a million people. And I'm like, what? No, the picture actually has three million views. It has three million views. I'm going to read. We've now deleted it. I'm going to read some of the comments. Damn, I missed this picture of my penis. I know, I think there's like a support group now for the people who missed it and they're all sending your picture to it. Did you know that? Because everyone's like, can someone send me the picture? Another one. Came to see the dick pic and was very disappointed that it's now being removed. I didn't realise how big you were.

10:17You're just reading all the ones that you want to read. I'm reading what it just says. I'm just reading literally what it says. Someone's getting a little bit flushed over there. How did he get her pregnant with that tiny thing? What? Imagine if I posted a picture of your vagina on the internet. I would literally never forgive you. But there are pictures of your penis all over the internet. If you really dug deep enough, you'd find it. I know, there are loads of pictures of my penis on the internet, but that's fine. How many loads? There's quite a few. So there you go, it's nothing new. Everyone's seen it before.

10:45I just... I personally zoomed in and can't really see it. I can see the outline of the penis, but like... So if you can see my full penis? You can't see, like, the shape of... Ewan, can you see... Did you see it? I hate to say it, but I saw it, yeah. Can you see full penis? You can see full penis. I could just see like the size. No, yeah, it's not that detailed. You can't see what it looks like in detail. No, not in detail, but you can see the size of his penis. Okay, well, I'm going to read... Nothing to be ashamed of, really. No, congratulations. It's like an arm. Well, the other thing that happened on the weekend was we were in the gym together and we were having a lovely little gym session and I decided I need to go and take a number two.

11:31So don't roll your eyes at me. I've never known someone who's so comfortable with shitting in public. Like, we are two minute walk from our room. At what point didn't you think, I'm either going to go home or I'm going to hold on? So any of you guys, Lizzie, will relate. So I was like, oh, just put down the weights. Put down the weights and I went to go and take a number two. So I went to the bathroom to take a number two and I was sitting on the loo and I don't know what happens. I get engrossed in like my phone. I've got into chess recently. So I was playing a little bit of chess. I then was like scrolling something.

12:03I was probably on there for about 10 minutes. 12. Okay, let's call it 12 minutes. Went to leave, opened the door. And as I opened the door, there was a queue of women. There's a queue of women standing outside the loo. And I went, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I looked at the sign on the loo and I was in the women's. There was only one loo. So the next woman had to go in to what I can only describe as like a fart box. It stank like a farmyard. It stank. You stink. I know exactly what you smell like. And that is so embarrassing. I feel really upset about her. I was so embarrassed. I actually genuinely feel really.

12:44I actually went red. I was so embarrassed. I never get red. I can't. If I had done that and come up to a load of men, I would have dropped to the floor and played dead. I would have had to. I want you to talk about how much also we spoke about the fact that we're eating a lot during your pregnancy you are eating a lot but can you talk can you walk no can you walk me through what you ate in a day it's not that much is it? you ate two melons you ate two family sized melons in a day I don't know why you find that shocking I literally think that's my healthiest day no no no you walk me through the day okay I'll have like three scrambled eggs and like feta cheese this is my morning three scrambled eggs feta cheese some fruit cheer seeds then I attempted to go to the gym but I was too starving so I had eggs on toast just outside the gym sacked off the gym yeah yeah eggs on toast and bacon sacked off the gym came home starving from the 15 minute walk had a whole melon then it's about a whole melon yeah a whole cantaloupe melon they're quite small and then I had a family packet of popcorn popcorn my favourite family is that the big bags?

13:54Yeah. Okay. Sweet and salty or just salty? Just salted and I chuck in some cookie dough in there. What time in the morning is this? This is like pre-lunch. It's like 11.30 to tide me over. Cookie dough in the popcorn. It's absolutely elite. Then I'm absolutely ragefully hungry again. So I go round to the shop and I got a sausage roll and some salad from the thing. Starving again. So I had another packet of popcorn with the... cookie dough cookie dough that's a whole family bag on so that's two family bags then starving again so I had a whole watermelon then I have dinner whatever that might be I think it was like we had Thai chicken mints that was lovely yeah you had that and then I had just a yogurt bowl and granola and that was my day that's a regular day in the pregnancy life I'm reading this book at the moment which I got given by a friend which by the way any men out there should read it it's called Pregnancy for Men it is unbelievable how accurate this book is it it's like explains everything that's going on your your your deepest emotions it tells you're going to feel these things the things that you're going to both both that's really interesting so this book is actually unbelievable and also it tells you so many things you're experiencing that no one is telling you about like what well like how to interact with your partner they tell you loads of things like that they talk about pregnancy dreams which by the way you're having so many at the moment i did i had a dream that someone dyed my hair black last night and it looked slay but everyone hated it so what are the weird dreams do you keep having oh my god loads i had one that i um i told you about the dream that i had cheated on you with damon from um vampire diaries you and then tate mccrae you i was snogging all three of you on a night out you were scissoring tate mcrae no i wasn't and it wasn't actually take mcrae in the dream but like looking back it was like her because it was identical to her and damon and you but you were my husband and you were like sophie where do you keep going i was literally just going from the three of you snogging everyone snogging you hate snogging you do this thing where i go to snogging you go because you're so you're i don't i laugh because you literally like close your eyes this far away for me to snog me.

16:14So I'm here and you go and I'm like, are you fucking joking? Like, is this a skit? Like, is someone having me on that that is what you... I don't really... How do you want me to snog? When we first got together, you did not close your eyes from across the table and go... Because I would have been like, whoa, back off. You, it's... You were like this. You've forgotten like, how to kiss. No, I have not. I'm a good kisser. You don't portals and then a meter away open your mouth with your eyes shut and tilt your head also you never tilt your head you go straight and straight and i'm like where am i gonna go you don't snog me you don't like a snog you you you told me in the shower on the weekend you're like i actually don't like snogging i really unless you're having sex like i don't really want to have a snogging match in the shower and i'm i by the way i'm literally just off the gym and wanted to shower on my own I'm not in there sexy sexy pregnant lady trying to like get it on my husband he comes into the shower every time I fucking have a shower which is fine no I like the shower because trust me now there's no there's no chance that I know that we're going to get an art one like there is like no part of me Jamie you tried art for love nor money I give it a little go a little go you're practically begging me on your hands and knees no I'm not and then you say to me trust me I'm not even horny in the slightest That's the words you say to me when I'm in the shower naked.

17:38You're like, no, just please. I don't, like, I feel this baby kick me all day, every day. And I know, and now the world knows, that that is going to touch the baby if you go inside me. My penis has not touched the baby. As you said, it's like an arm. It doesn't matter if it's an arm or a leg or just whatever. It doesn't reach. I do not want that prodding anywhere near my child. And it is not going to happen. Why not? Until the day I want to give birth. So hold your horses and buckle up. You've not got long to go, sissy pants. Wait, sassy girl. So just so I know, we're not going to be having sex.

18:13Don't roll your eyes at me. We're not going to be having any sort of sex until the actual time comes when you want to give birth. Correct. So I'm just being used. Correct. Well, that is... Do you know what? I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. To be fair, I don't blame you because I don't think I'll look very appealing at that point. All right, listen, you know it's been a hectic week, guys. So it's time for... Dictionary, dictionary, dictionary corner. I have some words for you that are pregnancy and birth related and I want you to tell me what they mean. Give it to me, honey. Lightning.

18:51Lightning, I have no idea. What is that? When the baby drops lower in the pelvis before labour. And let me tell you, I was reading this book. I said it before I can't remember what it was called The Positive Beirthing Book and it's said that this moment is when every woman literally if they're trying to do it natural without any medication they suddenly there's like chapters of people writing what they say like quotes and 5 out of 10 were I want to die I want to die they're grabbing going inject me with something and they run out of the pool because they are just desperate to get away from it.

19:32They're like, the pain is so indescribable. And that I think is the lightning. When your vagina dilates to the size of a packet of triangle cheeses, that's what it said in the book. And I was like, oh my God. So my vagina is going to get that big. My opening. Not much for it to go.

19:57no but actually think about that at one moment it's like whatever it is and then it just it grows to that it's so strange and when does your ass does your ass all grow no it's not funny no i'm actually curious what i want to know is like how how does that then shrink back it doesn't well that's shit for you not for me it won't make a difference for me right number two your vagina is going to go to the size of a triangle cheese you know triangle cheeses dairyly triangle cheeses you know they come in a circle yeah open it up and you bite one it used that as the description and i thought oh my god that's big that is big they used the dairyly yeah triangle yeah no they didn't i shit you not they did there's no way i swear that they did they use something else as well essentially it's oh it's a bagel that's what they said a bagel the size of a bagel yes that's what my hole in my vagina will become the size of a bagel yes because a baby's head has to pop out of it fucking hell apparently when it gets to that point it's like indescribable feeling i can't remember what they call it it might be the lining i just need to does that not make you excited because that is honestly hmm let me think home really smokes okay continue that's a good one Ferguson reflex what is Ferguson reflex the body's dramatic final push signal during childbirth when the baby's head presses down on the cervix it triggers a powerful hormonal chain reaction that makes the uterus contract even harder and sparks an unstoppable urge to push no but also I in fact read that there's this really interesting point right so you get to this point right your vagina dilates yes bagel okay guys don't comfort me if I've read this a bit wrong and I've got the timings a bit wrong but supposedly can't remember what it's called but it's like the chill zone and some women get it so they're like this and then they just go oh I need a nap and they just sleep for half an hour or an hour and it's while it's dilated yeah after the most excruciating pain because because your adrenaline's dropped just because the body's then like you're going to have a nap now and then you're going to push and the baby's going to come out out of my bagel sized vagina I really hope that bagel sized vagina it goes back to normal.

22:12We're going to try and shove the bagel just to be sure. It's where I'm going to hold all my bagels. I'm going to keep derrily cheese up there.

22:23Cephalic. Cephalic. Something to do with penises. Cephalic. That is when the baby is positioned head down. Cephalic. Alright. Is that good? That's where you are. You don't have to be the other way around. When I was born I was the other way around. You came out cesarean, babe. Yes, that's because I was the other way around. But why did you? So I would have come out legs first. By the way, I have a bone to pick with you. Okay, right. So number one, why did you, if you were cephalic, why did you get taken out a month early? Wouldn't they just wait until you flipped back? No, I was the wrong way around and I wanted to come early.

22:55Oh, right. Okay, so that was my one thing. Secondly, you know that you were like, I was a tiny little baby. Yes. You were enormous. No, I wasn't. You were a month early and you were six pound five. Yes. That is so big. People are born that up 40 weeks. Yeah, because I'm an absolute stud. All right. Okay, that's the end of Dictionary Corner. Pregnancy edition. And ladies and gentlemen, it's time for Listener's Messages.

23:28You need something from Lowe's, but your day is already jam-packed. Since Milo's Rewards and Milo's Pro Rewards members get free same-day delivery, We'll make the run for you. Seriously, just lock in your order and we'll do the rest. See you soon. Members get more at Lowe's. $25 minimum and loyalty membership required. Order eligible items by 2 p.m. Subject to weight and size restrictions and availability. Terms at lowes.com slash shipping terms. Hey, it's Paige DeSorbo from Giggly Squad, and this episode is supported by Rothy's, the brand famous for chic, comfortable flats. My listeners know I love to start an outfit with the shoes, and there's nothing better than a great flat in the fall.

24:09They're timeless, they make everything look more polished, and Rothy's iconic pointed flat, The Point, has been reimagined to be better than ever. It now has a cushioned bouncy insole with much more arch support, so it's comfortable enough to wear all day, and The Point comes in so many gorgeous colors, patterns, and textures. Discover The Point at rothys.com. That's R-O-T-H-Y-S dot com. Hi, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast, Food with Mark Bittman and the website The Bittman Project. One of the things that makes Whole Foods Market different is their commitment to quality standards. More than 500 ingredients are banned store-wide to give us peace of mind whether we're browsing through the store or shopping online.

24:52And it's been this way since 1980. Their selectivity makes your shopping easier. Shop Whole Foods Market in-store or online. Thank you. This message is brought to you by today's sponsor, Walden University. Set a course for change. Now is the time to make a real change in your life, career, and community. At Walden University, we give you the support and flexibility to get the W. Walden's online programs are designed for working professionals like you. You'll gain hands-on skills to take on real-world challenges and succeed. Your future is waiting, and Walden is here to help you achieve it. Take the first step to make your impact.

25:32Visit waldenu.edu. Walden University. Set a course for change. Certified to operate by Shev. Thank you for calling the Bombas Comfort Line. Bombas make socks, slippers, tees, and underwear made with the highest quality materials. Press 1 for comfort, 2 for style, 3 for donation. You chose style. Bombas is styles for whatever you enjoy. You can run in Bombas, lounge in Bombas, dress them up, dress them down, but always give back in Bombas. because with every item purchased, another is donated. Bombas, comfort worth calling for. Go to bombas.com slash audio and use code audio for 20 % off your first purchase.

26:07That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com and use code audio.

26:14From Ellie, me and my husband have been together since we were teenagers, going on 16 years now. I'm proud to say we've always had an active sex life, but that doesn't come without some mortifying stories. When we were younger living with our parents We had been out drinking one night And came back to my husband's parents house No one was home So we thought it'd be fun to just have sex Really loud I can't say why Maybe we wanted to pretend we were in an adult film We then thought it was a good idea To go and have sex in the back garden And we were going for it for quite a while The next morning after we got to work My husband realised he had left a used condom On the dining table His only option was to text his older sister who lived close by to dispose of it before his parents got home.

26:59Not ideal, but what a great sister. She went and got rid of the evidence. We thought, phew, we got away with it. However, my husband received a text from his brother telling him he was home last night, heard us going on it for hours and asked us kindly to keep it down next time. The worst part is the bedroom he was staying in looked over the garden. So to this day, we have no idea if he looked out the window to see what was all the commotion was. 10 years later I still cringe when I think about it and we've never discussed it with his brother or sister it's just absolutely rogue that's right can I just say the sister would have been or the brother would have been so repulsed and so angry if I'd had my sister having raging loud sex for four hours I'd be like I want to rip punch you and I would have to send her a message to really shame her that's like a lot to have loud sex like that is a lot I don't know what you're talking about you big prude no no I like loud sex to be honest I don't remember what sex is like.

27:54I'm not even joking. It's like a distant memory. Yes, okay. Have you ever had loud sex? Yes. You have? Who hasn't? What, are you quite a mouse when you have sex? You've had loud? You're silent when you have sex. So are you. No, I'm not. Okay, let's just move on. I find silent sex weirder than loud sex. Okay, here we go. From Erin. When I was pregnant with my son and about 32 weeks pregnant, I had some unexpected bleeding and pain and was told to go straight to hospital. When I was about to be examined, the doctor came in and asked if I would be willing to have some students come in and observe as they are renowned for teaching in the hospital.

28:32I was expecting one, maybe two students. So here I am, legs akimbo on the steerage, naked from waist down, ready for my internal examination and walk-ins. I shit you not, 10 students. In this tiny examination room, plus me, my partner and a doctor. This should be illegal. This is ridiculous. Now, it's important for you to understand that the doctor had a very thick accent. The doctor is starting examination. He's pointing out anatomical landmarks to the students. And I'm just there staring at the ceiling, waiting for it to be over, when the doctor says what I think was, and here is the ass. My partner tries to hold back a laugh.

29:11The partner's in the room as well. But I can see his shoulders shaking out of the corner of my eye, which is so infectious that I also start silently crying laughing. I'm laughing so hard that I can only imagine what they would be seeing down the business end I can only imagine said arsehole was twitching Surely he did not actually just point out my arsehole to his students Now my son is nine years old and happy and healthy But to this day, I still don't know what the doctor actually said Oh, the things we go through That's hilarious It's too good Okay, so I've got one from Anonymous A few years back, I was working with my best friend Who at the time was in a relationship with our boss Because of that I got on quite well with him too And every so often I'd give him a lift home If it had one too many at the pub Usually he'd invite me in for a quick coffee Before I headed off One particular evening I was giving him a lift While feeling a little backed up I figured a strong coffee would get things moving Sure enough, after we sat chatting over our mugs I felt the rumble and excused myself To the bathroom What followed can only be described As sheep droppings, tiny round pellets One after another I wiped, folded the tissue neatly And then to my horror One rogue nugget rolled off

30:27Bounced across the floor And disappeared Through a small gap under the bath Panic set in immediately I dropped to my hands and knees With my phone torch desperately Trying to locate my runaway pellet I could see it mocking me from its hiding place But there was no chance of retrieving it Mocking me I searched the bathroom for anything that might help me fished out, but no luck. All I could think was, how on earth do I walk back out there knowing I've just left a poo under my boss's bath? Sorry, I just left a poo under your bath. A pellet. Thankfully, fortune was on my side. When I returned to the lounge, the beers had done their job.

31:05He was fast asleep, snoring on the sofa. I grabbed my bag, quietly slipped out, and from that night onwards, I never offered him a lift again. A couple of months later, he sold the house and to this day i still wonder did anyone ever discover that lonely little sheep had it under the bar oh my god that is so funny can i just say we've had so many amazing listeners messages through still the one that pokes out of my mind i know we repeat every like six months but still the story of the girl who went to the wedding and they did wedding photos and she decided to moony the photos in the wedding and she moonyed it and they all every guest got the photos back and her moony you could see her arse off.

31:47It's actually horrific. Okay this is a love story from Tom. Hi Jamie me and my fiance love listening to your podcast together. Unfortunately for you we have come to the decision that Sophie is probably funnier. No way. Sorry mate. We get married on the 24th of September and I was hoping you could write one of your perfectly worded poems for us for the wedding day. Her name's Fionn. We met working for the same recruitment company based in Cardiff. We have been together almost four years now. We shared our first kiss in the horrible work underground car park, which we still joke about today. I proposed to her in Premrikshire as that's where her family's home is and they still have a lovely cottage there.

32:27We are also getting married not far from there in West Wales. We have a cute dog called Tally. It was originally just her dog, but he likes me more now. She gets annoyed about how much I play golf but all in all we've created a great life together and I cannot wait to continue it as husband and wife wishing you and the almost family of three all the love in the world guys do a poem then can you make up a poem we got engaged in Pembrokeshire hard one to rhyme with go but let me tell you my dear I do not fear because of our sweet sweet dog named Tally I know that one day I will get with you again down an alley as husband and wife.

33:10And you will not take that knife because forever and always you will be mine. I love you, Fionn. And if you want, one day we can have a son named Dion. My name is Tom. I love you. I love you. You smell like poo. What does that rhyme with? You and Boo I'd be like it You and Boo Oh my god, what are you calling it? A tale of tally Go on, you do yours, you little sucker Alright, here we go There once was a man called Tom Who really fancied a girl called Fionn He spoke to her one day and said Would you like to come to bed? She gaffed she didn't quite know what he meant and he just tried to make a little dent in her heart because he loved her so.

34:11And then he went to Prembrokeshire Low. In Wales they got married so far. And then they went and drove off in a car. Alas, Fionn and Tom, they said, good luck and goodbye. Don't forget to bring Tally's bed. There you go. Congratulations, guys. Love you guys Well ladies and gentlemen As always Please keep sending in your messages We'd love to hear from them Keep sending them in to Nearlyparents.com That is nearlyparents at jamboproductions.co.uk Send us an email Or you can sign to our DMs At nearlyparentspodcast That is on Instagram We're also on TikTok We're also on everywhere So go and please do it And that's the end of Listener's Messages we haven't mentioned this in a while but i'm going to tell you what your big ick is my it you have a huge ick okay you in the morning want to order dippy eggs no i don't want to order dippy eggs i have avo on eggs with bread and toast you were like what is it that i want to order what is it i was like sick to death of this game maybe dippy eggs dippy egg the biggest ick I've ever dipped in eggs.

35:28Yeah, it is an egg. I'll give you what your epic is. What? Big tea drinker. It's so icky. Have a coffee, mate. What do you mean that I drink? I can't bear the tea. That's not what I do.

35:45Fine, okay. Do you know what? We haven't done this well. We're going to go into our icks because we love each other and I love you a hell of a lot. The tea is a massive... But I'm going to go into our icks today. Can I just say, sorry, I'm going to broadcast this. I find men drinking tea icky. I'm going to put it out there. I don't like it I really don't I don't like it okay do you know what do you know what your biggest ick is do you know what your biggest ick is I know do you mean my biggest ick or my ick with you no my ick with you do you know what it is when I come into the shower and you're you're hunched over like Cosimodo and you're shaving your and you're shaving your vagina and you're hunched like some sort of like scary goblin and I'm like what are you doing and you turn around you turn around at me alright I'll just leave it Harry My razor.

36:27My razor that you're shaving your bajajay with. Do you know what another ick that I have for you is this? What? This. Wake up in the morning.

36:36That is a solid ick, I'll give a shit. Picking out her thing. And then she puts it in this little machine. So clean them. It is honestly every day. Come on, give me another one. Just one more. Oh, I really, really don't like how quickly you eat your food. But it's not so much of an ick, it just pisses me off. I'm like, we're just having a nice meal. you've eaten it when I've literally just drank my water and the whole meal's gone and then all you want to do is leave and I'm like I literally I have such bad indigestion every time I eat a meal with you because I'm trying to gobble the food in as quickly as you shove that stuff down you gobble god it's good okay I tell you what the fact that we've just done the x we should do things that we love about each other all right love a boy okay so what do you love about me I love that you make me laugh all the time anything else loads of things like we have the best time I'll tell you what I like.

37:24I like brushing you like a horse in the morning. I go and get this horse brush and I brush her skin. He's done it once. I quite like doing that. What do I love about you? I love the fact that you make me laugh. I just like, I love spending time with you. They're my only ex. The rest of it I love. Are you now more, are you excited that we're going to be parents together? Yes, of course. What are you most excited about? Because someone told me this. This is a really magical thing that I never really thought about, right? When it comes to parenthood you go through this whole pregnancy period which is beautiful and amazing you then go into the labor and everything's touch wood is all great everything's fine the moment that you get in the car and you drive home and you have your baby in the back seat apparently that moment is wild and the moment that you walk into the house for the first time as a three you're a three every single time you've walked into the house as a two and then suddenly you walk into house and for the rest of our lives whoa god what the hell is happening to me oh god i'm probably tired God Sonny's really got me Yeah You walk into the house As a three Forever I know It's so cool That is just The most incredible thing Forever Forever Forever You and I Are going to be a three No emotion whatsoever I do I think it's so amazing I'm so excited I wouldn't have wanted to do it With anyone else honey And do you know what else Is exciting guys I'm going to go and buy a pram And I know that sounds lame And weird But I cannot wait He keeps saying this I've picked it out I'm going for I've picked it out This is a couple thing That we have to discuss together I'm going to be pushing the pram More than you Well it doesn't matter I've picked it out I know exact what I want It's going to be absolutely badass Alright badass boy I freaking can't wait For all of it Yeah Alright everybody Listen We hope you enjoyed the episode Really do And please Come back next week On another Monday For another episode Remember to share this With your friends Share it across the world With all of your buddies Tell the world About Nearly Parents and remember to subscribe to our show.

39:23Also, get in touch at Nearly Parents Podcast. Send us an email, nearlyparents at jampopproductions.co.uk. And of course, we're on YouTube. Also, guys, we've mentioned this before, but we want to surprise any unsung heroes out there. So if you know someone who's an unsung hero, it could be your teacher, your local postman, your brother, your sister, your aunt, your uncle, your mom, your dad, your partner, your husband, your wife, anyone that you think deserves something special because they've done something amazing, we want to hear from you. It can be anything. It could be anything at all. They could have done a marathon.

39:57They could have raised money. They could have done something that no one else saw apart from you, but they need to be shouted about it. Let us know because we want to champion them in the most special way. Send it into at nearlyparentspodcast on our Instagram, or you can send us an email, nearlyparents at jampopproductions.co.uk. Do we have a weird pregnancy tip of the week, Yui? We do. Just to let you know on these pregnancy tips before I announce it, they are not scientific based. We are not experts. These are people sending them in and they may be real or may not be real. So here's a weird pregnancy tip of the week from Anonymous.

40:35Jamie, the more time you spend nude around Sophie's stomach, the more the fetus will feel your fatherly presence and will feel more comfortable with you when it's born. No ways. I can't wait. I'm going to be naked all the time. You are naked all the time. I'm naked all the time. I love it that's really sweet you can be naked all the time I will do that's the end of Newly Parents and ladies and gentlemen we'll be back next week for another episode until then stay safe out there cats wear a seatbelt and be honest with your partners and if you're getting married good luck you're getting divorced good luck if you're single and ready to mingle we love you go have fun if you are having a baby yeah baby just do it go and get that penis in there and that bagel vagina and go for it.

41:18And we'll see you next week. Goodbye. Goodbye.

41:47So whether you're hosting for an afternoon or all weekend, everyone feels right at home. Get holiday guests ready at Wayfair.com or on the Wayfair app today. Wayfair, every style, every home. Hello, I'm Monica Reinagle, host of the Nutrition Diva podcast. Summer is here and with it, the hot and sticky weather. A morning working in the garden or maybe on the golf course can leave you more depleted than you realize. And plain water isn't always the most efficient way to restore the balance. That's where liquid IV comes in. Its science-backed formula is clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone.

42:21Whether you're exercising, playing outside, or simply surviving a summer heat wave, it's an easy way to stay hydrated. Shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV, hydration that goes wherever life takes you. This is Hannah Berner from Giggly Squad. O-Pill is the first over-the-counter daily birth control pill available in the U.S. let's be real getting a birth control prescription is not always easy and it's so much admin in fact about a third of women face barriers to access prescription birth control between scheduling appointments missing work class or just trying to exist it's a lot but now opil is putting birth control in our control opil is a daily birth control that's fda approved full prescription strength and estrogen free and 98 effective when used as directed grab it online or at most major retailers no prescription or doctor's appointment needed so if you're thinking about birth control check out opill to see if it's right for you use code giggly for 25 off your first month of opill at opill.com that's code giggly at opill.com birth control in your control we love to see it hey it's page de sorbo from giggly squad and this episode is supported by rothy's the brand famous for chic comfortable flats my listeners know i love to start an outfit with the shoes and there's nothing better than a great flat in the fall.

43:41They're timeless, they make everything look more polished, and Rothy's iconic pointed flat, The Point, has been reimagined to be better than ever. It now has a cushioned bouncy insole with much more arch support, so it's comfortable enough to wear all day, and The Point comes in so many gorgeous colors, patterns, and textures. Discover The Point at rothys.com. That's R-O-T-H-Y-S dot com. 500 orders a month was manageable. 5 ,000 is madness. Embrace intelligent order fulfillment with ShipStation, the only platform combining order management, warehouse workflows, inventory, returns, and analytics in one place.

44:19What used to take five separate tools, ShipStation does in one. Automate fulfillment and rate shopping to ship up to 15 times more with up to 90 % savings. Go to ShipStation.com and use code AUDIO to try ShipStation free for 60 days. Thank you.