Sophie is CONSTIPATED during pregnancy

0:02Well, winky dink to all you winky dinks out there. Welcome to Nearly Parents. My name is Jamie and this is... My name is Sophie. And on the menu today, Sophie cries over my hair. Jamie eats a whole 12-person shepherd's pie in one evening. We do a little bit of roleplay, phone sex, get ready for that. And of course, we've got listeners' messages. And before we start, remember to subscribe to the show and enjoy it. And welcome to Nearly Parents.

0:49We'll see you next time.

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1:35That's bombas.com and use code audio. Podcasting is fluid. Platforms and the formats, they're only the container. What fans are choosing is the moment. What their hands are doing, what their eyes are free for, or who else is in the room. Whether it's the morning run, the commute, the couch at 9pm, or the clip that made you laugh on your lunch break. Four moments, four different things a brand gets from showing up in them. ACAST Podcast Pulse 2026 report maps all four of these moments. Get all the insights at acast.com slash pulse.

2:10Hello, I'm Jamie Leng. And I'm Sophie Leng. And we've been married for two years. And we're having a baby. Yes, we are. Are you ready? Let's go. Well, welcome back, you fellow people. Welcome back, you filthy animals. You're filthy. You better get it. Hey, scrub those armpits. Get in the bathtub. Run a hot, hot, hot bubbly bath. Bubble, bubble, bubble. I've never, ever been happier that it's autumn and winter. I am roasting since I am pregnant. Guys, I walk out the house in nothing, and within five minutes, I'm dripping in sweat. And I just can't believe that people live like this, because so many of my friends used to be like, I'm so hot.

2:58And I'd be like, are you okay, hun? It's minus 10. I'm roasting and it's unbearable. I have this all the time. You hot-blooded, filthy animal. I'm a filthy, filthy animal. You're filthy. Oh, honey, honey, honey. Look, before we get into our show today, got a big question for you. What things do you do that are embarrassing but shouldn't be embarrassing? For example... Oh, you've got them. When you start a run and someone's watching you, You know when you go outside and you go on a jog and you start a jog. Starting that run weirdly is embarrassing when everyone's watching you. I know. It's really embarrassing.

3:33It's really embarrassing. Me running in general is highly embarrassing. I don't quite know how to run. The other one which I thought was embarrassing in the day, when you get into a bath, as you have to lower yourself into a bath, that's embarrassing. And I don't know why is it embarrassing, but it is. It is embarrassing. Oh my God, this is so fun. I've got them on the tip of my tongue, but I can't think. A really embarrassing thing, which shouldn't be embarrassing, is when you have to go up and get food from a buffet. What's really embarrassing is when you go to the airport on your own and you go into prayer and everyone's eating their breakfast and then you go and get your porridge and then you scan the room looking for a seat.

4:07That firstly is embarrassing, the scanning the room when there's no seats. Secondly, you find it and then you sit down and then you peel open that pot and you have to eat your food on your own. I don't know why it's embarrassing, but it's hellishly embarrassing. Is that embarrassing? Yes. Do you not find that embarrassing? Not one bit. Well, I don't find going to a buffet embarrassing at all. A buffet. A buffet. I love eating by myself. Like, eating by myself is amazing. I go to the cinema by myself. That's embarrassing. How is that embarrassing? So what's embarrassing? You've started this weird game that I don't understand why we're playing.

4:40All right, when you climb over a fence and it starts to wobble. Who climbs over a fence? Who are you running from? I'm just running, but not running from anyone. I don't find climbing over a fence and it wobbles embarrassing. When you're drinking a tea and you go... Oh, that's hot. That is embarrassing and it should be embarrassing and it's also icky. Oh, it's hot. But that is embarrassing. It's not really. It shouldn't be embarrassing, but it is embarrassing. No, it is embarrassing because your inner self knows that you slurping on your tea is not cool. Can we also establish this, ladies and gentlemen?

5:13I want anyone to comment about this. I went and got my hair a little bit dyed and Sophie cried. I want to ask you listeners, how many times on this podcast has Jamie sworn and promised to me that he will never do it again? That, my friend, is distasteful and distrustful. And it is a lying, bad foundation to our relationship. And they all know. I think it's absolutely ridiculous that you cried over it. I don't. Because let me tell you, when you came in with your hair slicked back like Draco Malfoy and massive size. and it was only way to describe it as Boris Johnson there is no other hair that looks like that other than you and Boris no one has that tone no one has that tint and our baby's first view of you is going to be the baby's going to start crying because the baby's going to be so scared of your hair the baby's not going to be scared of my hair the baby's going to love me the baby will not like that hair the baby will love my hair I hope the baby does grab hold of your hair and pulls it out strand by strand of that straw like hair so but I want you to say now so are we just let's put all the cards on the table you are not don't lie again so you're never going to be natural you're always forever going to beach blonde your hair and dye it this awful awful shade of straw I'm not always going to dye it no don't lie I'm not lying we need honesty here we've got lots of listeners and they're all all going to come to my defence when you next come on and it's dyed again it's not so forevermore you will dye it I don't know until you're 80 years old you'll be like that man.

6:50And there is a man who I see who has, you know, the glued on bit at the front. A toupee. He has a toupee and he's like, it's shaggy. It's very Boris Johnson-esque. And he cruises around Notting Hill area. And I do often think, well, that's what I've got for my future. And I just want to like set the standards. Oh my God. Do you hate it that much? No. I really like it when it's natural. Like I think your hair natural is so nice. This I don't hate, but I don't love it. That's my very diplomatic answer. Well, I love everything about you. Can we also establish this, which I did not realise, is that we're in the taxi coming over here and I didn't realise that in pregnancy the constipation is bad.

7:30You did because we've spoken about it half of this podcast. Have we really? Guys, this is what I deal with. My husband doesn't listen to a fucking word I say. It is unacceptable. We have spent hours and hours. They are on social media. They are on TikTok. they are in the press about how I cannot shit pregnant and you have just at this late stage clocked onto it it cannot be possible sorry you went because you said I went I went in the taxi God I need the bathroom and you went I haven't shat in three days I don't know shat I don't I don't ever shat shat myself sorry you haven't I haven't defecated no I didn't you said I haven't oh my god I haven't been for a poo chair I said well welcome to the club I haven't been in five days like yes that is mental i had a really nice um second trimester where like everything was good and it's just not anymore everything's very cramped at the moment oh man what oh man i really do i not listen no i really do i really want to like i really need to have like a proper deep dmc with like everyone who works in jamper because i just can't imagine for even five minutes working with you.

8:46Other than like, I work like in this capacity, but like, really? Like, do you listen to anyone? Everyone, I listen to everyone. Listen to exactly what - It's the glaze that goes over and you just think, oh, I've lost him. But you'll be like, yeah, man, yeah, buddy. I get that, it's so cool. You even say it to me sometimes. You're like, yeah, man, I get it. I'm like, I'm your wife. I don't even think you know who you're talking to right now.

9:11You're a little bit stressed. He's feeling a bit stressed, guys. I'm not feeling stressed at all. I'm tired. I'm a little bit tired today, but I'm not stressed. I'm really actually not. We're tired because we keep going to the hospital the middle of the night. Can we talk about it? Because I think everyone has this, and I'm sure they do. Everyone in their first pregnancy. Because it's nerve-wracking. And because you have this beautiful baby growing on you, and you want everything to be okay, and that's so understandable. Yeah, it's very unpredictable. It's so unknown. It's so unknown. and so we did wake up at 5 in the morning maybe 4.30 in the morning 5 I'd had a couple of brewskis the night before so I was he'd had many brewskis had a couple of brewskis so I was I woke up and again I thought I was at war and I was like what the hell is going on like I woke up with a fright and you said I think you know you want to go to hospital because you want to check because you hadn't felt the baby kick which is so understandable that happens to so many people and so I was like don't worry let's go we get in the car we drive all the way to the hospital as we're about to walk into the hospital you went felt the baby kick no joke guys I literally pulled up at the hostel I get out the door I'm like this to the door knock and I go oh there's the baby there's the baby and then it was literally like kick kick kick and I was like ah I know still went in though still went in to have some checks but you know what better be safe than sorry I say 100 % 100 % the other thing which I find which is hilarious is we went out for a little date night together and it had a little restaurant which was just amazing where we had lots of food with a couple of our friends.

10:42Oh yeah. And we had such a wonderful time. And then our friends and I were like, should we just go downstairs to the bar bit? We walked in there, a little bit of music being played. It was quite nice. Every single person was just staring at Sophie. Guys, it was like I was an avatar. Every single person was staring at you. I just want to set the scene. This isn't just a bar. Jamie took me to a nightclub and again, he'd had a couple brewskis and he wanted the night to carry on. The live music was blaring my ears off I was like, I need to put a pillow over my stomach. And Jamie's dancing on the tables.

11:15No, I was not. And everyone is coming up to us basically being like, oh my God, like, well done for being out. Like, well done. How are you doing it? And I was like, I am so embarrassed. I need to leave immediately. We were in there for two minutes. Let's caveat that. Well, you had a whole drink, but yeah. I did not have a drink in there. Yes, you did. I did not have anything. Yes, you did. Because we spent an hour trying to pay. Remember? We did. I had a drink in there. You had a drink. I had a drink in there. But it was just hilarious watching you walk around and everyone just staring at you going like, oh my God, they were just fascinated that you were there with the baby.

11:48I know, fascinated. I actually was really shocked at how fascinated people were. But I'm also going to preempt this. This was like an OG club that's not really around anymore. Like it was essentially like people were partying and we should not have been there. I needed to be at home with my feet up. Well, I tell you what, let's keep doing that. because the more I spend at home, the more I keep eating. I ate a family-sized shepherd's pie to myself. You didn't. I ate one third as a snack. I ate two thirds of a family shepherd's pie. A family. It was... Actually, the recipe served 12 and I ate a third and you ate two thirds all in one day.

12:25I reckon the shepherd's pie was as big as my torso. Yeah, for sure. The tray that it came in. And it was delicious. It's unbelievable. I've craved it ever since that went in my mouth. I actually, can I just say, I think shepherd's pie used to kind of gross me out. It was Jamie's favorite food. He just eats mints. Like Jamie loves mints. We all know that. I think that might be what my pregnancy body wants. Like that shepherd's pie. Whoa. Good. Unbelievable. Yeah, get it down. Yeah. You get it down. Yeah. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Me, that is not you. That's not you. Oh, spiteful boy. Oh God. honey back to you baby how are you feeling my lovely little goat a little bit tired how are you feeling goatee uh i'm feeling good um apart from it's quite hard to sometimes sleep in the bed with you because honestly you're roly-poly in that bed the whole time at the moment i think that's because of pregnancy that's what i think i'm like averaging five hours sleep max it's a real nightmare is that what it's saying on your four hours 58 last night so what happens explain So do you just wake up on the hour every hour pretty much?

13:34Well, I need a wee every sort of hour, which is really annoying now. And also every time I lie on my side, I get like trapped nerves in my hip or like the back pain is so bad that it wakes me up from the pain. So then I flip the other side and I get a sweet relief for about an hour and then that pain hits again and then I flip. Each time I flip, it's a real palaver, isn't it? it's like flipping a warthog in the bed it's like awful and like i flip the pregnancy pillow like it's the pregnant i like that the pregnancy pillow and then i flip my enormous enormous body around to the side so he said that she feels like all her nerves and her bum have gone and that her hip is dislocated at all times that's what it feels like and i was like oh my god that feels like a lot yeah only recently though like i've really i think i'm having like another growth spurt and i also think that i imagine this is what happens when you're having a bit of a growth spurt i imagine that also drains the energy from you yeah do you know it must do right because i think so yeah all of the thing is going into the baby everything's happening there so it just feels like you know there's a lot going on your body is like changing keeps changing you have all these of different pains.

14:53I don't think anyone really talks about this from a guy point of view. It is really like nerve wracking. Like you just want you to be comfortable at all times. And it's quite hard. Like when I feel you rolling in bed at night, I'm like, oh God, I'm constantly thinking if you're comfortable. It's a lot. You're snoring next to me. I'm not snoring next to you. You are. Going back to this thing, right? Yeah. I think from a guy, because with all your girlfriends who are pregnant or have babies, do you guys talk a lot? I don't have that many friends who are pregnant I have two friends who are pregnant And we do talk a lot actually We've all got very itchy tummies Explain You know when your hands swell up when you've been skiing?

15:31Have you ever been skiing and then you get down And then your hands are a bit swollen from the altitude? Isn't that from I think that's when you're in a plane And then they're a bit itchy Plane? Yeah, when you're plane That's bad circulation No, on a plane You get off the plane Your feet are swollen Not if you wear compression socks Not if you wear compression socks I get it Okay, so you think that there's a lot of like swelling and something going on and that's what's doing it no i don't think there's swelling but there's a baby inside me and a placenta

16:02that's what i think is going on we're getting to that position guys at the moment whoever's listening and me following this journey we're just excited we're unorganized and unprepared is what i would i would say no we really actually are now now now we really are and i'm not pissing about. What are we unorganised about? We are really, I don't want to expose us, but we are hellishly unorganised. Give me one thing when a whole... There is no one in our position who has as little stuff as we do or has learnt as little stuff as we do. No. Okay, go on. Why don't you test me on anything and I'll be able to tell you straight away.

16:37You think I don't know things, I know everything. Okay. Go on. How many hours a day do they sleep? They sleep, well, it's up to the baby how much they sleep. How do you hold a newborn? You hold protecting its neck because it can't hold its head up. What temperature do they sleep in? 34 degrees. No. That's really hot. That's body temperature. 21 degrees. No. 16 degrees. How do you check their temperature? Use a thermometer. How do you cut their nails and toenails? What? Yeah. You don't cut baby's hair? Yes, you do. No, you do not. Yes, you do. There is a baby inside me now with fingernails. That's why.

17:15You don't cut them. Yeah, you do. you cut them you have like a little don't you Magda? Yeah because otherwise they can like scratch themselves you just keep them really short and that's why they have mittens you can and all the baby grows you put some of them have like mittens so that they don't scratch themselves at night because their skin is so so so sensitive this is absolutely freaking wild and also what I would like to know is what you have to be careful about hair and babies they can swallow the hair? No oh it can be right around their finger and stop the circulation yes Yeah. Papa knows what he's talking about.

17:49Papa's got a brand new car. Brim, brim. Let's go. All right, ladies and gentlemen, I tell you what. Let's get into it. It's time for Dictionary, Dictionary, Dictionary Corner. Pregnancy edition. Pregnancy edition. I have some words for you that are pregnancy and birth related, and I want you to tell me what they mean. Give it to me, fuck your face. Disgoozier. Disgoozier? Disgoozier. a common condition primarily in the first trimester causing an unpleasant often metallic or sour taste in the mouth due to hormonal changes i really wish i got that i didn't get that but your mum had it the whole time metallic taste people taste like metallic they taste metal stuff yes my mum did have this yeah and loads of people do and it really helped it is it's when people really suffer with like morning sickness i think and like food tastes gross and you have like loads of food versions because you're like everything tastes of blood okay lucoria lucoria i have no idea give it to me lucoria is the time for thin milky oh time for thin milky white odorous with vaginal discharge that is normal and expected symptom of pregnancy increasing as the pregnancy progressives to protect the mother and fetus from infection has that been happening to you i will keep that one personal and close to me that means it has been happening because otherwise you'd say no?

19:10Well, it should happen apparently. But yes, there are lots of weird things that happen in pregnancy and it's not pleasant, I will say. How is the old vag? That came out of nowhere. That came out of nowhere. Sorry. Oh my God. That came out of nowhere. What do you mean? It's not blue and it's not puffy anymore. Is it all right? I think so. I can't see it. I haven't seen it but apparently I went to my cousin's baby shower and I was talking about loads of her friends had just had like three months old they were so cute anyway I was saying did you do that perineal massage and all of them were like yeah yeah yeah my husband loved doing it like it's not a fucking joke you genuinely have to do it I'll do it to you and I said I said god I think I'll do that myself I don't think I'll get Jamie to and they were like is it weird you can't reach is it weird if I do the perineal massage while masturbating I know it's not what I thought you're gonna say it's worse you said something way worse what do you think I was gonna say I thought you're gonna say over your anus or something is that worse you want me to perineal massage your anus I don't know spread your anus oh god enough what the hell are you talking about um no but supposedly I'm actually a born again virgin I'm actually I'm gonna talk about it I'm a born again virgin so am I mate mate I'm a born again a virgin.

20:36I actually, like, I think that, like, cell has left my body. I'm, like, back to being, like, oh, I don't really even think about sex. I don't think about it. Don't cross my mind. Good. You needed to do a detox. Doesn't cross my mind. Don't think about it. Really? Because this podcast, like, the chat that you try and bring in, it doesn't feel like you don't think about it. I don't think about it. I'm a born-again virgin. Okay. But don't worry. That beast from the east. The beast from the east will come back once the baby's born. crumple crumple crumple crumple crumple crumple a big beast walking towards me oh that's appetizing can't wait to give birth and then meet that beast i'm picturing like a snow beast and it's crumpling on the snow that's what i pictured fucking terrifying i picture a snow i really really envision that i pictured a snow a white snow beast crumple crumple with white blonde toupee just walking towards me i'm ready for you sophie thinks it's gonna be awkward the first time we have sex it will be now because i'm gonna picture you as a snowman a really scary enormous snowman and i'm gonna hear the words crumple crumple crumple i'm ready for you i think it's gonna be awkward isn't it i really want to know when like you're legitimately are you genuinely aren't allowed to have sex for like six weeks.

21:58C-section's even longer, I think. Well, listen, we don't even have to worry about it. It's totally fine. We're virgins again. I'm not worried at all. Nor am I. I'm having lovely time. I'm having a brilliant time as well. Speaking of which, it's time for Listen to Messages!

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23:00Running, hiking, golf, Pilates, and so much more. Made with sweat-wicking yarns, blister-fighting details, and targeted art support. Bombas Sport is pro-level socks from the pros of socks. For another pro, you. Go to bombas.com slash audio and use code audio for 20 % off your first purchase. That's bombas.com and use code audio. Podcasting is fluid. Platforms and the formats, they're only the container. What fans are choosing is the moment What their hands are doing What their eyes are free for Or who else is in the room Whether it's the morning run The commute The couch at 9pm Or the clip that made you laugh on your lunch break Four moments Four different things a brand gets from showing up in them ACAST Podcast Pulse 2026 report maps all four of these moments Get all the insights at acast.com slash pulse

23:53My dearest, wonderful people of the podcast and the outside world, thank you so much for sending in your wonderful messages. I'm going to kick it off today, Soph. I have an anonymous one. Okay. I was listening to a recent episode where you talk about the woman who flashed her bum at a wedding. That is the best story ever. I have a story very similar. I went to a wedding last year for one of my family members. They had a photo booth there, and we spent all night in it taking pictures. We didn't know that these pictures would not only be printed, but digitalized. Lucky we were all sensible in the pictures We just looked very drunk When we got those photos back My mum sat with me and we went through them We stumbled across a picture with one of my family friends in He was in the photo booth And with his wife He decided to get his penis out

24:47No one realises it They just think it's for them and then partner said she like go on get your cock out and he's like alright listen to you it goes to everyone he got his penis out and she was pretending to kiss it

25:13we were absolutely shocked not only at him and her but at the size of it He wasn't blessed by the penis gods And he knows He's now known as a needle dick Oh my god Oh my god that's savage That's absolutely savage I've heard of the needle dick situation before He took it all very well Considering these photos went to everyone At the wedding including his parents Just remember you never know Who will see the photos you take in the wedding booth Keep it PG Good luck to you both I have no doubt you'll be incredible parents Fricking hell anonymous. I got one from Daisy. I'm lucky enough to have three children, including boy, girl, twins, now age nine.

25:54This story is from when they were still in nappies and cots. One evening, I put them to bed, read their story and sang a lullaby. Then I went downstairs to make dinner for my husband and eldest son. Without a video monitor at the time, I could hear the twins chatting and giggling, but thought nothing of it. After 10 minutes later, I went to check. As I climbed the stairs, the smell hit me, pungent and overwhelming. Opening the door, I found they had both pooed, taken off their nappies, and were finger painting the bedroom walls with it. My son had managed to get it in his mouth, gagging while smearing himself head to toe.

26:26Oh my God, are you joking? They're complete psychopaths, kids. The aftermath was catastrophic. I spent an hour scrubbing the walls with bleach while my elder son helped bathe the twins. Oh my God, my husband is a prison officer and deals with dirty process there. So when he came home from work, I decided it was only fair that I had to handle this one. Needless to say, We bought a video monitor straight after that Wow, much love to you both And huge congratulations Finger crossed you don't have to deal with too much shit Literally Oh my god That I would not know what to do Okay, I've got a love story from Ruan and Jovan My husband and I have been together for almost nine years We were each other's first boyfriends We came out together and always dreamed of one day becoming parents Three years ago we started the surrogacy process Completely unaware of how hard this rope would be we've met with countless potential surrogates and when we finally found the person who felt right we spent many more months going through legal processes to get the surrogacy approved there were so many days where the hope just ran out and we thought about giving up but in february this year we got approval to start the ivf process guys so big congrats every single day at 12 50 p.m we set our alarms on our phone to take a moment to pause pray and manifest for the baby we so desperately longed for.

27:42When it finally came for our first embryo transfer, we stood in the room with our amazing surrogate as we watched the embryo being transferred on the screen. The alarms on both of our phones went off at 12.50. That moment broke us. We all burst into tears. That first round, sadly, wasn't successful. It hurt more than we thought it would. But we tried again, and I'm so, so overjoyed to say, we are pregnant! Come on, let's freaking go! This journey has tested us, stretched us and shaped us in every way that we have never imagined. But we've come through it stronger, more in love and more certain of our future than ever before.

28:18Thank you both for the joy, the honesty and the safe space you created on this pod. You walked with us during our darkest days and our happiest ones and we're so grateful. We can't wait for what lies ahead. Guys, I love you guys so much. I can't. It's the hormones. I'm so happy for them. Well done, guys. Congrats. Guys, a huge congrats. Send us pictures. hey so if you want to keep writing in I would love to hear more wedding photo booth stuff it honestly makes me die any embarrassing things happen at weddings any silly things that happened not just in pregnancy maybe at university something like that will just make me laugh more than anything send it into at nearly parents podcast on Instagram or you can send us an email nearly parents at jamperproductions.co.uk that is the end of listeners messages

29:09By the way, I haven't told you this. What? There is a TikTok out there that I died. Why? What? Why? I have no idea. I don't know why someone's done it, but they did it. Are people upset? Not really. People were not upset. I read some of the comments. Do you remember when... A couple of people were cheering. So this is not a good sign. Well, you haven't died. And do you remember when Eva Longoria died? And I commented on it saying, no. And she replied to me, guys, saying, I'm still here, honey. Because she... Oh, yes. You pretended she died and she commented on it. I pretended that Eva Longoria died.

29:43Sophie freaked out and she hadn't died. And she commented on it. Sorry, I never took that in because she's my favourite woman in the whole world. And I never really took in the fact that she commented on our posts. What I'm confused at right now is there is a TikTok video out there that your husband has died and you moved on to Eva Longoria. Because she hasn't died. Nor have I. No, I know. You're right there. We've got a very exciting week ahead because we're going to Lewis Capaldi. We're going to Lewis Capaldi. Someone I love. No. No, that's not it. Sing a Lewis Capaldi song. Go on. Might just sing on to me.

30:18There must be something in the water. Because every day I'm getting stronger. And what is the other one? I let my guard down. And the night falls. And I'm not here to set you through it all. Do you remember there was a moment, guys, which was probably the most exciting moment when Lewis Capaldi was about to sing at our wedding. I got a call from one of his agents who worked at his label and they said, we think we can get Lewis Capaldi at the wedding. And I was going to surprise you with it. Turns out Lewis Capaldi did not turn up at a wedding. But at some point in our lives, I want to get the chicks to come sing for you.

30:57I bloody love that. And I would love to get the chicks to come sing to you When you're in hospital As you're giving birth We'll get the chicks in You would be in the bed I don't think I would know that they're in the room mid-birth Okay, so I'm going to give a message out to the chicks My wife Sophie sitting right here Is a huge, huge, huge fan of yours She loves you more than anything If there's any way that we could somehow Get some sort of song for her That I could play while she's giving birth I'll love you forever I'm putting it out there I love you Manifestation You guys are the greatest Well on that note We're going to play a little game Okay Are you ready for this little game?

31:36Let's go It is called Hot or Not Okay So since we're not having sex at the moment I thought I'd put together a little game for us Which is called Hot or Not The rules are simple I'm going to read out some sex adjacent activities We could try instead of having sex Okay And your job is to say whether you think they're actually kind of sexy So hot or a complete mood killer and then not. Okay, you ready for this? So hot or not. Me cooking dinner for you wearing nothing except for a pair of oven gloves. I'm going to go with hot because I would like to see it. Because it would be fun for you to cook dinner for me for once.

32:13Whoa, you don't let me do it. Me eating snacks off your stomach. Not. What? Not. At all not. I think that would be sexy. You lying down. Off my pregnant stomach. Yeah, you lying down. Not. Get a little fondue set, put it on your tummy. Burning cheese on my stomach. No, thank you. Me giving you a foot massage, which may or may not lead to some erotic toe sucking. The first bit hot, the second bit not. You hate sucking of toes. I would be sick if someone tried to suck my toe. I would honestly, I think I would actually heave. I'd be so upset if someone sucked my toe. I had a friend of mine who said she had a one night stand and she was having a one night stand and her legs suddenly got put, you know, above her head onto the guy's shoulders.

33:01So she was lying on her back and the legs were on the shoulders. And she was like, oh, this is quite exciting. And then he got her whole foot and shoved it in his mouth and started sucking it. And she was like, kind of here for it. Okay. Role playing as different people and sending each other sexy voice notes in different accents. Not. Come on, let's give a little bit of role play. No. I'm going to give a little bit of role play. Can you be Lewis Capaldi? I'll be Lewis Capaldi. Yeah. And you be Ronan Keating. You want me, you're going to get turned on by a man. Okay, I'll be Lewis Capaldi and you...

33:31Pamela Anderson. You'll be Pamela Anderson. Okay. All right, here we go. I'm a character. You all right? Yes, I'm very good. Thank you. You want to go on a date? You want to go on a date? If you sing for me, then maybe I will. I can sing for you if you want to, you will us. No. Okay, what about this one? Me sending you nudes? No. I've never sent you a nude. No, I know. Have you ever sent anyone a nude? No, I don't think I have. No. I would love to send you a nude. Sophie, there's been once that you've sent me a nude out of the blue. Was that private? I don't really know. I don't remember. It was so long ago.

34:10Doing a maternity shoot together where we're both naked. I'm also wearing the fake pregnancy belly. Having phone sex in different rooms of the house. No, not hot. Let's just try, just for a second, let's try and do some phone sex. No. Just please. No. Just try. Fine, I'll entertain it, but I'm not going to speak. Ring ring. Hello. Hey, how are you? Good, how are you? Feeling a little bit lonely over here in Alaska. Why are you in Alaska? You know, I'm here to save the seals. What are you doing at home? Watching vampire diaries. Are you naked? No. You thinking about getting naked? Not at all. Freezing, in fact.

34:51So one would say that you're trying to keep warm in that bed. I'm not in the bed. Where are you? In the living room. Right. I'm naked. Why are you naked in Alaska? Because I was thinking about you. We haven't had a bit of rumpy pumpy in a while. No. We haven't had any rumpy pumpy. No, I'm out. I'm out. I've checked out. My long John Silver. I actually physically, you forget, you think you're a virgin now. You wait for three years to come. You'll still be a virgin at this rate. me going down on you while you watch Vampire Diaries 10 out of 10 we gotta we gotta we gotta that's it you better be ready for later oh my god terrified yeah yeah never been grumble to grumble here comes that snowman

35:46what's the Vampire Diaries guy that you fancy I fancy them both but Stefan what's his actor's name um paul paul wesley okay we we have sex but i got a bag on my head and it's paul wesley's face 20 out of 10 i've got a bag on my head and it's paul wesley from vampire diaries like a very very good prosthetic face fucking serious i'm just being honest alright okay let me ask you a question you would have sex with me you would have sex with me if I got prosthetics of Paul Wesley from Vampire Diaries stuck onto my head yes what would you what would it be hot or not if I got prosthetics of M-Rat on my face no not really I would rather you oh boo liar boo oh well that's the end of our game hot or not that went well, you poor Wesley fucker.

36:49Right, before we go, we like to end our show with weird pregnancy tip of the week. Just remember that these weird and wonderful tips are from you lot and are based on no medical facts. So here we go. This is from Anonymous. If you're peeing a lot while pregnant, try lifting your belly while peeing to get more urine out. This could be in my head, but I feel like it helps me pee a little less often. Oh my God, I will take that tip and I I will run to the bathroom and lift my belly. It's a great freaking idea. That is genius. If that helps. Let's go try it after this. Hallelujah. Well, listen, everybody, as I said before, I want to say a huge thank you for tuning into Nearly Parents and just being part of our journey.

37:31And hopefully that we entertain you all day. If I can ask you a favor, if you could subscribe to our show and share it with people and let other people know and be entertained, that would be amazing. And also, if you want to get in touch, I want to hear some really funny stories. you can at nearlyparentspodcast or send us an email nearlyparents at jampotproductions.co.uk We'd love to hear from you. And we're going to see you next Monday, of course, for another episode. But until then, stay safe out there, people. We love you. If you're getting married. Good luck. If you're getting divorced. Good luck.

38:01If you're getting engaged. Good luck. If you're having a baby. Oh, good luck. And if you're just single and you're mingling around and you're just... Good luck, you cheeky cat. You go out there, you cheeky cat, and you shag around. No, no, no. You are weird at the moment. We love you. Goodbye. We love you. Goodbye.

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39:19The podcast industry has spent years arguing about formats. The thing is, podcast audiences never cared. 88 % of them now consume audio and video. Not only that, 63 % of them have started an episode in one format and finished it in another format. and then three quarters of those have switched app mid-story to do it. They're not picking a format. They're picking whatever best fits the moment they're in. ACAST's latest research in Podcast Pulse 2026 maps four of these moments and what each one gives back to a brand. Get the full report at acast.com slash pulse.