Sophie is FURIOUS with Jamie

0:03Well, welcome back, people, to the best podcast on the planet. It's Nearly Parents. And on the menu today, we have vaginal massages. Sophie is also furious at me. Jamie attempts to build a cot. Of course, we have listeners' messages. Enjoy. Strap in for this wild ride. Let's go. Business is booming. Is your fulfillment ready for peak season? Switch to ShipStation now and handle more volume with confidence when it counts. ShipStation connects Shopify, Amazon, TikTok Shop, and over 200 more integrations with one platform that does it all. You can manage orders, sync inventory, track returns, all automatically.

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2:09Hello, I'm Jamie Leng. And I'm Sophie Leng. And we've been married for two years. And we're having a baby. Yes, we are. Are you ready? Let's go. Hi everyone, welcome back to the podcast. My wife is hating me today, it's okay. I love you so much, I'm sorry if I'm doing something to frustrate you. What is it? Let it out, come on. First you told me there were puppies in the studio so I got here half an hour early. Is that it? And they weren't gone, they weren't here. And I'm so upset about it. I cannot No, no, no. What's really bothering me is that you look at me when I'm annoyed. Right. Anyone who has ever been annoyed, you know when people like draw attention to you being in a bad mood?

2:56Like just don't. That's what I would appreciate. Okay, so can I, I get, and I'm going to be. It's like you draw attention to, you want the whole office to know. I have blurry vision. Honestly, I feel a bit faint. I feel, I'm so anxious. I feel faint. I don't want anyone to know. I don't get it. Well, why do you constantly look at you in then? Because I'm scared. I'm terrified. I'm so scared. So if you don't understand, like, a non-pregnant angry Sophie is scary. A pregnant angry Sophie is actually the scariest thing. I'd rather be in a swimming pool of sharks, bleeding all over. It's like, I am fucking terrified.

3:36So I don't really know where to look. It's like when... Look at the floor. I will do. Just look at the floor. When you talk to me, just look at the floor. and don't look in my eyes. It's like when like a hot person walks down the street and you're with your partner or your wife or whatever and you have to like look at the sky because you're just like you basically purposely look in the other direction. I don't know where to look with you. Do you know what the funniest thing is? I'm terrified. That's so funny you brought that up. I'm so anxious. Melissa randomly called me up the other week and she goes you know what's really sad?

4:05I've just realised and I went what? And she went you know when like a couple like an oldish couple walk down the street and like you see the boyfriend look at you? we're not that people anymore. We're going out with Jamie and Toby and they're looking at the younger girls now. I was like, what the fuck? Why have you just called me up to tell me that? She was like, we're out of that stage. We are past that stage now. We're not those girls. I was like, sweet, thank you. Just add to my big old pregnancy life. Yeah, but what's better is that we're just the creepy old men looking at the girls. So that's worse.

4:35That's worse. Wait, let's just go back to this. So welcome back to the podcast, everyone. Just to let everyone know, Sophie's a little bit angry. today but that's so fair enough because you've got a lot on your plate. No I'm not angry. Okay. I'm overwhelmed. So you're overwhelmed so let me explain. I FaceTimed Sophie this morning because I had to do a shoot with puppies. Lots of different puppies. French bulldogs. Puppies. Cute as anything. They're meant to be leaving at 10. You arrive at 9.30 they've already gone. 9.15. 9.15 they've already gone. Don't need to be here till 10 but you're going to have 45 minutes earlier to played with the puppies, sat there, you are texting away.

5:10I said, where are those dogs? Gone. Okay. Why are they gone? Because we finished with them, so they didn't need to stay around. I asked them to stay for my wife to see them. Did you love them? I did really like them, yes. Did you let them kiss them and everything? I was hugging them all over. They were kissing my face, yes. Oh my God, how cute were they? Just hang on. When I, this is why I don't, you would let a puppy that you don't know, right? Let me just hear this out. You would let a puppy that you've never met in your entire life lick your face and arms all over, correct? Okay. Last night we were lying in bed and I kissed your arm three times.

5:43Over and over and over again you were like snogging my arm. I kissed her arm three times. You were literally trying to get off of my arm. I was like, what the fuck are you doing? I kissed your arm three times and you went, you're giving me the ick. And I went, okay, I guess. Can I just say that I was reading a book and some guy was just like getting with my arm with slobber all over it. Some guy and your husband. But I was like Okay Quite weird at the first kiss And then the second kiss And then the third one I was like Okay this is weird now Get off my arm I know that a lot of A lot of women listen to this But any man who's listening to this Just send me a message saying It's all normal That's all I want Or just send me a message saying Just a thumbs up I just want a thumbs up To know we're in this together Because sometimes honey And like look Your hormones are You know they're Don't call them beautiful I didn't say I wasn't going to say They're heightened They're beautiful They're beautiful Your hormones are very heightened At the moment and holy smokes, it's like going into battle in Normandy.

6:39Like, honestly, I don't quite know where to look at what's going on. I bought you, so Sophie has her Stanley cup, and I went downstairs, while you were sleeping, I went and filled it up with water, I put your electrolytes and iron drops into it and brought it back upstairs. I will say that was so sweet and so very unlike you. I'm thinking about you all the time. Yeah, this is a new thing and it's unbelievable, so round of applause for that. That was really like 10 out of 10. I was honestly like, what? I'm doing everything. You can't think. I come downstairs and check the temperature of the room to make sure it's not too cold and not too hot.

7:12That's why I opened the door. We don't have air conditioning or heating, so I don't know what you're on about. We have heating in the house. Yes, we do. What, in this 30 degree in summer? No, but I went downstairs and opened the door. That's why when you came down the door. Freezing when I woke down this morning. Oh, my God. Absolutely freezing. Can I just explain this, right? And really go truthful on it. What is it that makes you so angry at me when I've done nothing wrong? It's not you. I just want to go. All day today. Is that what it is? Yeah. Because there's so many people. It's like you wake up and I feel like you're just cold all morning long.

7:43I'm like, I just want to go in and hug the puppies. That's all I want to do is just hang out with those dogs. We have a great friend of ours who said that she, during pregnancy, she was so full of like rage, uncontrollable rage and just anger without no reason. Our friend Tali was saying this. So many times she was so angry that one time her husband, Alex, who's one of the greatest guys, turned up. He had gone to the butchers and brought home haddock fish cakes. From the butchers? I don't know. The fishmonger. From the fishmonger brought haddock fish cakes and he brought them in and he went, honey, I've brought you some fish cakes.

8:17And she went, I fucking hate haddock. And he was like, I'm sorry. Yeah, but everyone fucking hates haddock. It stinks. Like, come on, Alex. It's just, it's quite wild because sometimes you don't quite know what to expect. and I wasn't expecting that in pregnancy but it's amazing and I love it. Don't call those whole bones beautiful without anything but beautiful. I will say like I haven't felt this like this in ages so I'm having like just, I think I'm really overtired. I had a fact apparently by the way that you know, because the whole birth of what happens around the birth is like do you do a hypnobirth?

8:51Do you do a water birth? Do you do a vaginal birth? Do you do C-section? I didn't realise it's like going to find a wedding ring there's loads of different ones Apparently what you can do Is you can put a balloon up your vagina Pump it up And so your vagina then contracts and detracts And so it practices It gets you ready for the size when the baby comes out Yeah, I'm going to do that You're going to put a balloon up your vagina and pump it up And you also have to get like almond oil or something And you have to open your legs And you have to massage like the bit of your vagina Inside your vagina towards your anal, anus Towards your anal Towards your anal Towards your anal So you have to like Massage that Your gooch Guess why It's not your gooch Women don't have a gooch Do they Okay perineal massage It's called a perineal massage And listen Why do you think we do that So your buttholes can stretch No so you can avoid Ripping and tearing Fucking hell Because my mum Teared straight from The front to the back She's going to be Derrissated Yeah but I was She split from her Vaginas and her arsehole I was nearly 10 pounds, ladies and gentlemen.

10:00I was a human. I came out a full-grown human off my mum's vagina. 10 pounds is massive. Absolutely. Getting those shoulders of yours out. I don't understand how I came out so big. If I were and I gave birth, I'd be like, take it back. That's not mine. Give me that little six-pound baby over there. Huge baby and you hold it like a rug, honestly. Yeah, she said that I was like the same size as my sister's two years old, who was two years old. She was like, if you lay us out flat, we were the same size. But she was like, but you were so cute still. I'm like, oh, shut up. That's why there's no photos of me.

10:33There's no, if you ask my sister, my sister's like, I have no idea what you will look like as a baby, your baby will look like, because there is no proof of you as a baby. The only, the first photo we've got of me is about three years old at Disneyland. Why though? Obviously because I was so ugly and big. They were like, we cannot have photo evidence. Your parents must have taken photos. There's not one picture. There's one photo that my auntie has with my cousins, and I look the same age as the two-year-olds. other than that no trace I've never seen a photo of you as a baby all I know is that your mum said that you came out with hair the colour of golden syrup and I've looked up what colour golden syrup is and it's not blonde golden syrup is literally like really orange which is really sweet and I'm down for it but like that's all I want to put out there golden syrup which one of our friends shaved their baby's head with all the little hairs oh my god that's the funniest thing we got this that is actually genius I was saying it.

11:28Okay, so our friend had a little sort of like, was it a moat? The baby came out, our friend. You know, like a monk's hair. It looked like a monk's hair. So loads of little bits of little hair around the side and then a ball patch on top. Anyway, she had the christening and she thought, fuck it, so she just clean shaved the baby's head. She was like, I cannot have this baby and then just kept her hat on because obviously it was growing back a bit spiky. It's actually so good. shaving the baby's head give it to me what is really annoying you at the moment nothing really am I annoying you no you're not at the moment you're being really really helpful you were really grateful at a wedding like you were so unannoying and that's the first time you've ever really drunk not annoyed me so I was so shocked we had our like best friend's wedding at the weekend and we had the best time and Jamie was MC and it was just great fun it was amazing fun I don't think I normally annoy you when I'm drunk You're the most irritating drunk.

12:25Oh my God, I know why you didn't annoy me. You almost were like moody with me and it was so unannoying. Do you remember? I was like, is everything all right? Because normally you smother me with kisses and you smother me with hugs and you were just in your own lane doing your own thing and I was like, this is 10 out of 10. Do you know what people, generally people in the comments think that Sophie hates me. This is what happens. Do they really? They sometimes do because, but actually I just want everyone to know, she really loves me. She actually really does. it's just her way of showing affection is the opposite to what everyone else does I hate PDA I don't understand how people like it like I don't want to be dancing and have to kiss somebody like just why can't we do that when we get in the taxi on the way home like I don't there is no chance I can kiss you on the taxi on the way home you wouldn't allow that either in private with like the doors locked I don't like like 400 kisses a day like I'm happy with just like a morning in the evening and like maybe once else in the day I don't need to like get with somebody five times a day I love it Yes I could snog you all day long All day long Yeah I could I could snog you all day long I could kiss you all day long Hug you all day long I could just lie on a little boat and just hug you all the time No I like to hug I really like to hug So what's annoying you at the moment?

13:38No honey nothing annoys me at all No my thing is is that I think what it is Is from the guy point of view Is when your wife or partner or whoever falls pregnant I think they feel very alone in it at certain points. They feel like they're going through all of these emotions and they're going through all of these, these changes and all of these hormones and all of these anxieties and worries and everything that goes on there. And I think what happens is, is then the partner is also worried about all those things, but they're not also just worried about those things. They're also worried about the, your partner's emotions.

14:13So I'm constantly thinking whether you're comfortable okay not upset not angry nothing's irritating all those things and that's quite hard to manage while not having any control over what's going on in your tummy and i think what happens is is guys typically internalize it all they don't talk about it because if they talk about it then it's what it causes more issues and i don't think anyone really talks about that my brain you just didn't even listen to anything i just said you literally just i just went on the nicest monologue that anyone anything has ever happened i did listen you literally just didn't give a flying shit about what I said.

14:48I did listen. That is mad. No, because I can't bear that you're trying to make it about the men. I wasn't. I wasn't trying to. I think women internalise things in pregnancy. I know they do. You can't just be like, oh, I'm anxious about this. I'm anxious because you look like a crazy person. No, honey, that's what I was saying. There's a lot of internalising, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my God. Yui, help me out here. No, I get a real problem where I'm sitting and I get dizzy. So if that happens, that's what's happening. I get low blood pressure when I sit down for too long It feels like all the blood drains from my head And I'm like, whoa We went to Wimbledon on the weekend And I was so freaking excited I can't tell you how much I love tennis Love it more than anything We went to the men's semi-final One of the greatest days of tennis you can possibly imagine At Wimbledon Can I just say, I was also so excited It's not my fault that it was 40 degrees And I was in a tight dress and heels I'm not blaming you That kind of is my fault It's a beautiful day, I'm ready for this It's the tennis, here we go We literally walk in, we sit down on the seat, boom.

15:45And Sophie turns to me and goes, I feel shit. No, I didn't. I said, I feel like I'm going to faint. You did. Sophie thought she was going to faint in Wimbledon. Then she said to me, I don't think I can stand up because if I do, I'll vomit. No, no, no. What happened then is you suddenly see all these cameras and like, sorry, obviously, they don't give a fuck about who we are. By the way, did you see that we were in like this article of Leonardo DiCaprio and we have completely different names. Every photo of me, I've got like Clarice Boulding, like everyone's different. You're a director. You're a director in one of them.

16:15Sorry, you meant Claire Balding, not Clarice. Listen, I suddenly see these lenses. They're not pointing at the tennis players. They're... And I was like, there's either someone behind us or... And I just had this vision of me. Jamie's like this, well, how bad do you feel? Like, classic him, so animated. And I was like this, glasses on, fan on. I was like, I just... I was going to fade forward. And just, it was going to be arse up, bump out, tits sprawled bum in the air little white shoe up fainted but no no guys just let just let you know what I deal with Jamie said we've just got to wait because I need to do a TikTok first and I said we'll get it done now then because you've got five minutes left in the tank and he kept getting up standing and then like if anyone looked at him he was like no I've got to I've got to sit down I was like I'm on the brink of passing out and then you finally did this bloody TikTok about 45 minutes later and then he was like right you can go now no and he left me to leave on my own baby hang on hang on because people are gonna think that this is not like nice and happy explain it actually i'm a very tentative husband i care about you so much i take you to the car you took me back to the lovely woman who was organizing it who was so sweet and i walked you to the car um and then you you stayed which is so legit i thought you should stay again i can't quite tell if you're being honest no but then what was bad is that i then get in the car and I'm not actually joking I know I do whinge a lot and I'm really having a great pregnancy like I really I know I'm such a whinger but it really gets taken out on this podcast but I do genuinely have a low blood pressure problem and I do genuinely keep faint like fainting and I had to pull the driver over because I needed him to take his middle seat up so I could lie on my side so he was turned around I'm sprawled out you can't imagine the things coming out of my dress.

18:06Like this tight dress, my boobs were up my face and I'm like this. If you could see on the YouTube, he was like, okay, are you okay? And I was like, yeah. Can you explain to me this feeling of feeling faint like you're dying? Because I think a lot of pregnant women have it. It's not feeling like I'm dying. You said to me the first time you thought you were dying. Basically, I've always fainted. I'm a real fainter. So I have low blood pressure naturally and since being pregnant, it's dropped really, really low and with the heat or something to do with sitting down for long, my brow pressure drops loads and I'm suddenly like oh my god I'm gonna vomit and then I'm like oh I'm fading and you can't even get the words out so you're gonna face you just are like one thing that a lot of people are noticing including men and friends and women is how colossal your bosoms have got they're enormous and I my back's growing it's like everything's growing my bones are growing in my body it's like my rib cage is expanding like I used to be like a 30D and now I'm like, I'm borderline of 40F.

19:05Like, my back is just like... I'm going to be like a turtle. It doesn't shrink back. My belly button as well is heinous. It's the ugliest thing I've ever seen. Sammy's belly button looks like a clitoris on her. It looks like something weird. Is it a clitoris as well? It sounds like a dinosaur. It's a clitoris on your stomach. It's amazing. It's beautiful what's happening, by the way. Oh God, it's really... At the same time, It's beautiful. It's stunning. You just said that because I like zoned in and you were like, I fucked her up. It's very easy. I'll tell you what it is. And listen to this. Don't just zone out of this one.

19:43It's very easy. She's actually trying to focus. It's very easy in these scenarios because your emotions are high and your anxieties are high and your frustrations are high for you to probably lash out or say some things. And then what I quickly or try to as quickly as I can learn is that the best way to be a good partner in these situations is to accept and just listen and be there. Don't fight back. Don't say you're wrong. Don't say you're not being logical. All those things, because actually you are being logical and it's all your feelings are completely valid. But I think a lot of people don't realize that.

20:16And I actually think that's why when people have pregnancies or babies or whatever, that's why relationships get a bit fractured is because they're not understanding or accepting what you're going through. Well, no, I think men just like to solve things and I think you don't need to solve things. There's nothing to solve. You just need to be supportive because like some of it is irrational and sometimes like you're so neurotic and like you're so anxious about the stupidest things and you have all these intrusive thoughts and so the guy can't solve it. So the best thing they can do is just like support and listen and try and make you feel as less mental as you already feel.

20:48Oh honey. And you do and you get intrusive thoughts and that's what everyone gets as well. So many people have these intrusive thoughts about so many different things. No because now people are going to think my intrusive thoughts are like bad intrusive thoughts. Because people have like intrusive thoughts to like do bad things. Everyone gets those thoughts. I don't have those thoughts. I just get nervous thoughts. I get those thoughts. Everyone has those thoughts the whole time. Like what? Oh my God, like... Like sitting on a train and screaming. I always get it when people's food are being taken to their place.

21:15I think, oh, I should just grab a chip and just eat it. Oh, I always get that. I get that. I always, always get that. I had another time where a lady... No, I get it all the time when I'm just talking to someone and I'm just slapping around the face midway through. And they're like talking to me at a wedding. I'm sat next to him I'm just like My brother told me he used to have it the whole time when he was having meetings with his new boss in this really important job he'd be sitting across from from the table and he just kept thinking I'm going to lean across and kiss him I can just lean across the table and go That's the best one Yeah I had it once where a lady pulled up their pran and said what do you think of my baby and I was like oh in my head I thought when's have I just punched it poof No that's too much but that is quite a normal one like when people give you the baby and you just pitch going Just dropping it Yeah, like opening the arms.

21:57But what happens if my hands just go to that? And then it just falls. It's like awful. Oh, by the way, news alert, news alert, people of the podcast. You'll never guess who the royal family follows on Instagram. Jamie fucking Lang. I think something's gone awry here. I think they looked at your story and I think by mistake they followed it rather than replying. Because there's no way they would follow you and not me. Do you know the only other people they follow in terms of like actual, they follow obviously lots of trusts and charities and different people who relate to the royal family and Wimbledon and the BBC.

22:35The three people they follow outside of that, David Attenborough, Pope Francis and me. I don't believe it. I'm not joking. Show me now that they still follow you because it was definitely a slip. Because once, guys, Miranda Kerr was following me and then now she unfollowed me. So she must have done it by mistake. Because your content was so bad. No, she followed me on my first day of MIC. I was like, this can't be right. I'm just so excited about it. Man, I love you guys. That is probably one of the coolest things ever. It's the best thing I've ever seen in my life. It's actually made my year.

23:06What, not me getting pregnant? Sorry, let me rephrase that. It's third after moving into our house and getting you pregnant. You mean third, getting pregnant, then moving into our house. Getting pregnant, moving into our house, the royal family following me on social media. Look, I think we're all a little tired We're all a little touchy I think we should play Dictionary, Dictionary, Dictionary Pregnancy edition Okay, so I want you to know If you are ready to be a parent Oh, I'm ready So listen, I wanted to know If you were ready to be a parent So, I have some words for you That are pregnancy related And I wanted you to tell me what they mean Linear negra I don't know what that means It's a dark fertile line that appears on the belly during pregnancy, stretching from the pubic area up towards the belly button and sometimes beyond.

23:58And apparently that's so the child can see, find your boobs? This is actually true, by the way. So I heard this as well. So when your nipples, apparently your nipples go dark. And because that was when babies can't see different lights. So basically what they do is they, the nipples dark so the babies can see it so they can suck on it. Okay, so meconium. Meconium? Meconium. I don't know what any of these words mean. Yeah, well, then you're not ready to be a parent. Okay, okay, give it to me. Your baby's fast poo, a sticky, greenish, black, tar-like substance. It's made up of everything the baby swallowed in the womb, like aminotic fluid and skin cells.

24:40That poo I did on my mom's tummy, she said I got lumped onto her, this huge adult baby, and then I just let out this huge black tar poo on her and she was like, Get this toddler off me. Get this five-year-old off me. What the hell? Okay, that's it for me. Also, at some point, can we please measure your tummy? No, we're not going to measure my tummy because every single person in my DMs is either saying that I look huge for how many months, even though I don't know how many months you know I am because I've never confirmed, or you're telling me that I look like I'm about two months away from popping, or you're saying, oh, I look just like that eight months.

25:17Wait till you get to your ninth month. I'm like, I'm not eight months yet, guys. You're killing it, honey. You're beautiful. You're wonderful. You're the best thing in the entire world and you're just great. And I love you. Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for Listener's Messages.

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27:35You'll gain hands-on skills to take on real-world challenges and succeed. Your future is waiting and Walden is here to help you achieve it. Take the first step to make your impact. Visit waldenu.edu. Walden University. Set a course for change. Certified to operate by Shev. Polon cancer is on the rise. It's the second deadliest cancer and the number one cancer killer of people under 50 in the U.S. Yet it remains one of the most preventable cancers. If you're 45 or older and at average risk, it's time to talk about screening. Cologuard Plus is a non-invasive at-home collection kit that requires no prep, can be completed in about 15 minutes, and is 95 % effective.

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28:32Okay, I've got one from Sammy. Hi guys, long time listener of the podcast and I'm loving the new Nearly Parents episodes. I work in a restaurant and I was serving a large family one day. And whilst taking that order, I was standing behind the baby in his high chair. The baby was looking up at me, waving his little hands and smiling at me, all gummy and cute. I'm giving him a smile back in a little wave When all of a sudden without warning This baby grabs hold of my waistband With an iron grip And proceeds to pull my trousers down With such force that he flashes my thong to the entire table To make matters even funnier The baby squealed in delight and said Daddy, daddy I laughed it off and said to the dad Is that the trick you've taught him?

29:14I then quickly turned back to the bar And relayed the tale to my co-workers Who absolutely died of laughter and suggested we check the CCTV so they could all see it. Wishing you all the best and hope this made you laugh. Can I just say, when those babies gripped you, I know. So strong. It's so strong. I was wearing like a little flimsy dress on the weekend and I held a baby and it just pulled straight out, boob out. I was like, uh, it couldn't, it was like taking it out of like a lion's mouth. It was so tight. They are so strong. So strong. I know, when they hold your finger, they squeeze it. Or when they like grab your nose and you're like, oh.

29:51Okay, I got on from anonymous. My baby is now eight weeks old, but my partner and I haven't had sex since. I was maybe 16 weeks pregnant, making eight months-ish without sex. Susie, my wonderful acupuncturist, who you all know about, told me that in Chinese culture, you shouldn't have sex for a whole year because it means that it will disrupt the baby's time and then they won't form properly. So actually, you should be sorry. So you're basically saying that we're not going to have sex for a year. Well, no, we already did it. So a year from now, I'm down. Make it eight months-ish without sex. My partner simply couldn't do it, especially when my baby would awkwardly kick during sex.

30:33Eek! I ended up having an emergency C-section, but I had reached 10 centimetres dilation beforehand. Eight weeks postpartum, finally the time felt ready. Partum, is it? I can honestly say it felt like losing my virginity again after so long. I was tighter than ever. We got there though, and I'm pleased to announce I'm not any looser down there in case that should be a worry for you, Sophie. Yeah, but you know, like somebody I know had sex afterwards and they were like, so how does it feel? And they were like, like a four out of ten now. And she was like, are you fucking joking? And it's like three months postpartum.

31:08She was like, so what is it? Is it okay? And he was like, yeah, it's fine. It's four.

31:15Get ready, sassy bot. Okay, I've got another one. You're over this. I love these so much. I'm anonymous. I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant and to be honest, the entire 19 weeks has been hideous. I've had about three good days. Love you, woman. I love it over the 19 weeks. So I eventually omitted defeat and I've taken time off work. Your pod has got me through the tough days. So to thank you, I thought I'd share this mortifying story. Love this. My partner and I were getting ready for bed and I was feeling sick as per. I told him to go for his pre-bed wee Quickly because I needed the bathroom Next thing he knows I burst into the bathroom about to vom He jumps out of the way And I fire vomit into the toilet After a session of severe vomiting I sat crying on the bathroom floor And I say to him Babe I don't know what's worse The fact that my own sick Splashed back in my face Or the fact that it splashed back at me Out of your wee Oh god Oh my god I feel for you Because I don't know what's worse either We also have a voice note Which I'm very excited about from Phoebe.

32:16We love a voice note, by the way. So more voice notes, please. Here it is. Hi, Jamie and Sophie. I am Phoebe. And I just wanted to say a huge congratulations on the news of your pregnancy. I absolutely love listening to your podcast. And yeah, I'm also, I just had a baby. I had a baby five months ago, a little gorgeous baby girl. Firstly, I once changed a punami, and I mean a punami, and went to open the bag, like the nappy bag, after I had changed her, licked my finger to open it, like to help open it. And what was my finger? Yes, you have it. Some poo. So don't lick your baby's poo. And then my little story to quickly finish off is a little bit of a meant to be moment.

33:02So we didn't know we were having a little girl. So we've got a name for both a girl, which was going to be Rosanna and a name for a boy. Anyway, day of the birth I'm in the hospital I'm in theatre and the doctor was talking to me through everything and gave birth and they said quick last guesses we all guessed a girl and then my husband said the wonderful words were it's a girl and I says oh my goodness it's Rosie so we weren't sure whether to go for Roseanne or Rosie I said it's a Rosie 100 % and the doctor who had looked after me in theatre he said oh my goodness that's what my little girl's called Rosie and I says no way it is but actually her full name is rosanna and i was like oh my god so me and my husband just looked at each other like it's meant to be so we had our little our little groany rosanna who is our absolute blessing our absolute world and honestly the love you will feel i'm getting emotional now the love you will feel for that little bundle of joy is just oh undescribable is the best.

34:03So, yeah, enjoy it every second. Phoebe! Oh my God, Phoebe, I love you so much. I could hear little Rosanna in the background grunting. Phoebe, we adore you! Oh, Phoebe, love you. Thank you so much. Phoebe, I see legend to your partner. What a legend. You guys are great. Dave and Phoebe. Come on. Okay, right. I have a baby story from Anonymous. Ready? Oh yeah, you bet you sassy. Hey guys, I started listening to the pod towards the end of Nearly Wads, so it feels like I've been on this whole journey with you. After a couple of really tough years with miscarriages, the fertility episodes have meant so much to me.

34:36Then shortly before Nearly Parents launched, I got my BFP, a big fat positive. Yes. Let's go. I'm so happy for you. I'm nine weeks and three days and it's been one hell of a ride. I've been bleeding every day since week six, but baby is doing perfectly. I don't think we talk enough about bleeding in pregnancy. It's scary, but more common than people think. If this experience has taught me anything It's how crucial it is to have the right partner by your side I've been with mine for eight years And I'm still waiting for a ring Hint, hint But seriously, his support has been everything Even if I can't stand the way he breathes right now Thanks to hormones I wouldn't be getting through this without him Oh my gosh, I'm so happy with you And you're so right And you're so brave for speaking out about that Because I'm sure that happens so much So much happens like that And it's so scary and no one knows about it Everything's scary, everything's scary everything's scary all the time.

35:27I'm so, so happy for you and I just wish you all the best of luck and we're sending you so, so much love. And of course, you know, we're not doctors here but if you are experiencing bleeding or any of these things I think it's always great and like wise to go and speak to your midwife or your doctor and just, you know, get a checkup for peace of mind. For sure. Thank you so much for sharing all your stories and all the things that are going on in your lives. We love them so much and we love you guys. I can't tell you. We actually generally really do. So just a big thank you to you absolute legends.

35:59If you want to keep sending in messages and voice notes, send them in because we want to hear from you. Send it to at nearlyparentspodcast on our Instagram. You can send us a DM and we listen to them or read them or whatever it is. Or you can send us an email, nearlyparents at jumpopproductions.co.uk. Okay, honey, that is the end of... Listeners Messages.

36:25By the way guys We've spoken about before We have moved into Our lovely little house

36:34Sophie's No that was so weird Please don't put that in Put that in I will say I'm so happy And we're so lucky And like We still haven't shed it No I know But it Well you did You shed loads of the kitchen Just a little bit But listen And you Guys he tells me If he's like Delete that photo Delete that and then you video the entire kitchen. Yeah, I do. But anyway, the point is, is that anyone going through a renovation, it is the pits. It really is so stressful. But when you move in, it is so epic. Like it really is. And it's, I would say it's so worth it. And ask me like six months ago if I'd ever do it again.

37:10I would do it again. Absolute horseshit. I would do it again. I would not do it again with you. I love our house so much. I'm so, so happy. Guys, we're going to be showing more about our house very shortly. on our social media accounts, everywhere. So get ready to see it in its full glory. I love it. Tell you what we're going to do next is, we thought of something fun that we need to do. Okay, what? At some point, we're going to have to build a cot. I was thinking this. We are like well over. We need to be buying stuff. We have nothing. Okay. We don't even have a diaper. Okay, we're going to have to start learning how to change nappies.

37:41We're going to have to start learning how to do push pramps. Start knowing how to build cots. Start knowing how to burping babies. This is where it begins. alright so today this is the moment where I'm going to try and build a flat pack cot I think I'm going to be able to do it I'm a handyman I know exactly what I'm doing here Jamie you don't actually know how to open a box you don't know how to do anything you've called a handyman for every single thing in your entire life alright you fucker watch this I'm going to build a cot in about a minute maybe two minutes maybe three 60 seconds give me five minutes as I'm building this cot and we're going to record the whole thing so ladies and gentlemen get you bloody ready as I show you what kind of dad I'm going to be like.

38:20I'm going to do some DIY. I'm going to time it and I'm going to give you 10 minutes because I think that's an easy, it's a fair, it's an easy ride. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. All right, sassy ass. All right, you sassy ass, here I go.

38:35All right, I'm going to do this, okay? Okay, you've got, yeah, 10 minutes. Instructions. Instructions. Ha! Who needs? I do. Who needs instructions? Right. I'm going to take all of the stuff out of the box. And you are aware that if you screw this wrong, it's obviously an enormous safety hazard. Okay, looking at the instructions. Here we go. So this is it. So you've decided to get the instructions out now, have you? How do I know what C is? So five minutes has gone and there hasn't been a screw made. There hasn't been a piece moved. I reckon this is C. So I'm just going to go for that as C. It's going to be C right there.

39:11P1, P2. What the hell does this mean? Oh, this is a shambles. It doesn't tell you where anything goes. Oh, I've got it the wrong way round. It's that way round like that. Jamie, it's the most simple thing in the entire world. There is only four pieces of material. Right, I've got it. I've got it. I've got it. You can't be serious with what you're doing right now. He is screwing the holes with no screw in there, no nail. He's just got the screwdriver and he's just wiggling it about in there. That doesn't even screw. I'm just going to do it back. back oh okay so now he's screwing the screw in with his fingers and it's not moving even because jamie it's the wrong screw just let me just do this quickly let me just try and get this 10 no sophie let me just do that no let me just get this eight seven six five four three two No, no, here we go, here we go, look at this.

40:09Last off, you failed. Look at this, Soph. Time's up, he didn't even make 1 % of it as expected. Honey, it's just the wrong way round. Thank you for enjoying the ride. I'm embarrassed for him, I'm embarrassed for me. Look, just look, look how stable this is. That wasn't successful in any way whatsoever.

40:30Okay, well, that wasn't as smooth as I thought it was going to be. but did it turn you on? I'm going to go with no. Okay. But I thought that there was great effort and a lot of learning to do. Absolutely screwed. I have no idea how to build anything. If there was an apocalypse now would you feel safe with me? No. Are you serious? No. I told you this. I said when I go into labour right at this moment I don't feel safe with you being my bathing partner. Are you joking? Jamie, you are going to freak out so much. if I you'll be like what do you want from me what do you need and I'm going to be like you need to tell them what I need them on that you're meant to know you're meant to read my mind alright before we go we have our weird pregnancy tip of the week from Raj sleeping with a metal spoon under your pillow prevents bad pregnancy dreams you've been having loads we've got to do this I have actually but that's ow ow ow metal spoon under my head no you put it in between the pillows so ow ow ow ok we're going to try this out Raj and then next week We're going to tell you If that's come true Okay We're going to sleep With a metal spoon On your pillow And that stops Bad pregnancy dreams I cannot wait To trial this Anything else Do you want to add Before we leave No Love you all You filthy pops You filthy pops We adore you so much Remember get in touch Voice notes We love the voice notes We love you Phoebe Nearly Parents podcast On Instagram Just slide in We're also on TikTok We're also on YouTube We're everywhere Or send us an email Nearlyparents At jampopproductions.co.uk Everything is in the show Description Just click on that And of course If you haven't subscribed already, please do because we love you for it.

42:07Right. We're going to see you next week, as always, for another edition, another episode of Nearly Parents. Until then, goodbye. Have fun. If you're getting married, good luck. If you're getting bloody engaged, good luck. If you're having a baby, good luck. If you're doing a renovation, oh, good luck. And we'll see you on the flip side, motherfuckers. Love you, motherfuckers. Goodbye.

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