Sophie walks in on a COUPLE in bed & her obsession with Jas INTENSIFIES

0:00Welcome back to Newly Parents. What a big episode that was last week. If you haven't listened to it, you probably got to go back because we had Jazz and Cav on it and it popped off, people. It popped off. I love them. I actually feel like we're best friends. Before we get into it, right, we got to say you were trying to be Gen Z the whole time. Fuzzy, I'm on the brink of being Gen Z anyway. Secondly, I said I was 30. That, Chaz, that ate. You're old enough to be Cav's dad. You would have actually been, no, you would have been 16. Yeah, I legally could have been his dad, I reckon. What does chopped mean?

0:42It means like ugly. We're like chopped liver. Don't know, I didn't know either, but I'm just guessing and I love it. I'm going to say it forevermore. Like your tea and also I feel chopped today. So what was your feeling with the Love Island guys? I love them. I love them. They're both so gorgeous. Obviously, we know I love him. He's almost too cute for me to fancy him when we're alive. And also, she's just so fit. You can't possibly fancy her man. But like, he is so cute. Like, I could eat him. I actually love him. I think I love him. Like, love. And her, I love. Like, truly, they are. 10 out of 10.

1:16They are the nation's sweethearts. I'm rooting for them. I think they're going to clean up. I think they're going to do so well. I think she's so eloquent. She's like built for this industry. People want to listen to her. She's fucking smart. she's an absolute 10 and she's just a queen we love her I just think we should go on a double date with them and hang out with them all the time I've been messaging Jazz quite a lot I'm messaging Cav I haven't why are you messaging Jazz we're just buddies now we're WhatsApp exchanging we're talking about life different things yeah she said should we go on a double date next Friday I'm excited for it I love this we're gonna go on a double date where should we go do we invite them to our house we could invite them to our house bit intimate yeah maybe and there's a baby upstairs it's just not quite as cool Okay, so maybe My son is the coolest No, yes Our son Not my son Our son Maybe we should go out Maybe we go to a nightclub Okay What about You said that you saw Lorenzo and Yulia On this morning So what's happening with Lorenzo Guys, I love that our podcast is now essentially Basically like the Love Island after show It's not It's just a little bit of tea And I'm so glad Because you're finally coming to terms with the fact It's the best TV show in the world Look, Lorenzo I'll say it here and I'll say it again Lorenzo knew exactly what he was doing he's fucking great on TV like Love Island he was he just played the crowd I love him I would like to have him on the show too Yulia yeah fucking great TV also so stunning they are clearly not gonna be a couple like let's all stop kidding around I know they went on a date last night yes I'm a psycho and I followed them but the thing is is that he has been lighting every single model's Instagram everyone's outing him like like Cav and Jazz they're gonna they're gonna send the test of time Yulia and Lorenzo like they they created great TV I think they both knew how to play it they both knew what they were doing but they're not gonna last they're not gonna stay together he's on Vogue he's killing it he's gonna be going to Ibiza singing his Alan boy and Yulia she's a model she's unbelievable she's funny as fuck like she's gonna go places she's unfiltered in fact I feel like we should get her on the podcast I'd like to see what they're gonna do next I can't wait to see their moves guys everyone who's watching this can you let us know if you enjoyed the episode with Jazz and Kev because it was our first guest ever on Newly Parents and we wanted to save it for them.

3:29So now what we're thinking moving forward is we're probably going to get some more guests on, some couples to talk about all life and everything. Let us know in the comments who you would like and we'll go after them. And also, I'm going to play a little competition. If someone in the comments nominates someone and we get them on the podcast, we're going to invite you in to watch the show live. How do you like that? How do you like that? Put that in your freaking YouTube comments and smoke it. You should host, like, the Love Island show. I know. Move out of the way, Maya. I fucking should. Or the after show.

4:05Again, move out of the way, Maya. Maybe the Love Island YouTube show. Yeah, move out of the way, whoever's hosting that. It's my turn to shine. It's your turn to shine, girl. You freaking ate there. Let's go. Yeah. All right. on that note ladies and gentlemen should we get into the episode let's get into it hello i'm jamie and i'm sophie lang and now we're newly parents oh yeah we are baby

4:34hey guys it's mary from two judgy girls this episode is sponsored by airy if you're counting down the minutes until you take your bra off when you get home it's probably the wrong bra or if the straps are digging into your shoulder or you're constantly adjusting throughout the day it's definitely time to get a better fit. That's why we love Aerie. Their bras are designed to be the essential, effortless first layer with soft fabrics, great fits, and up to 59 sizes. So you can find the one that's right for you. Your bra should be holding you in, not holding you back. Visit Aerie.com to find the right bra for you.

5:10That's A-E-R-I-E.com.

5:15Waiting for your sign? Here it is. Shop Labor Day appliance deals at Lowe's before they're gone. Get up to 45 % off select major appliances. Plus, get free delivery, haul-away, installation and parts, and a two-year Lowe's protection plan on purchases of$999 or more. Labor Day deals are on now at Lowe's. In-store and online. Valid through 916, while supplies last. Selection varies by location. See Lowe's.com for more details. Do you keep hearing podcast ads, like this one for example, but always wonder how you actually get involved with them for your own brand or organization? Well, it's easier than you think.

5:54We're Acast, and we give you the platform to do it all yourself. Browse thousands of popular podcasts, choose the shows that match your perfect audience, set your budget, and launch. And if you want a hand, our podcast specialists are there to help you launch with confidence. This is podcast advertising without barriers. Get started at acast.com slash advertise.

6:21Hello everybody, welcome back to Newly Parents Wow, are you going to say you're tired at the top? I'm not going to say I'm tired anymore You say it to me all the time and I don't mind Because you throw my central nervous system at the roof I throw it at the roof? You're what makes me tired how because you're just chaos you live you breathe you nag you you stink of chaos you're a walking chaotic blonde animal name name a few that could go on describe what i've been describe what's chaotic let's go everything's chaos guys like we just don't know what's going on like i don't know whether i'm coming or going the house is a tip jamie walks in he's like what's going on i'm like You shut up.

7:14Then we've got this. This is such a lie. We did have a lovely weekend. We had the loveliest weekend. It's chilled as... Hey, listen, we're chilled as anything over here. We're having the best time ever. I will say I'm loving English summer. And I know us Brits, we're like, Oh my God. I'm like, let's rain it in. Get my legs out. Get my arms out. There we go, sissy. It's warm. It's gorgeous. It's sunny. It's vibrant. So before we kick off the podcast, Why don't you give everyone a motivational quote? Why don't you give a motivational quote? Okay, I can give you one. Please. Not every day is going to be a good day, but there's always good in every day.

7:52I like it. Okay, go on, you give me one. Dream now. Live now where others only dream to live in the future. Fucking good. Hang on a second, I didn't quite get that one. Live now where others only dream to live in the future. Like, live your dream. Live your dream. Give me another one. Come on. Dig deep. Sleep is for the weak. Sleep when you're dead. I'd like to sleep now. Do you remember Bebo? Bebo was like the old Facebook. It was like Facebook for Facebook. My quote on it was James Dean, live fast, die young. It's terrible. I feel like you do live that way. Yeah, but I don't want to die young.

8:31You don't want to die young. Yeah, you want to live old. Live fast, die young. Yeah, nothing about that's nice. Like, what? Live fast and just like burn yourself to death. That is quite what you're living, though. Honey, am I really living like that? A little bit. I wouldn't say you live a slow-paced life. Really? No, you don't live a slow-paced life. Do you feel like you live a slow-paced life? Sometimes. I will say you do like chess. That is very slow. Love, that is my slow life. You play it at the most irritating times. You think I live fast? I think you live fast and you're going to die young.

9:07I already missed that young part. You're already into the dying old age. era. I said to Jamie, I walked down the street and I went to him. I had a real like situation where I realized what you are. And I don't think this is going to translate at all. Okay, well try and translate it, go. Okay, I'll go and translate it. Do you know what I can tell you what you said? Yeah. Sophie said you're now one of those people who think they're young, but are actually old. No, by the way, I mean me in this as well, because I think of myself as an 18 year old. But you're pretty young. I'm really not. I'm sadly nearly 32, which is like cracking on a bit old.

9:47Okay, so guys, we went to Paris the other week for a lovely little day out, a lovely little trip to Paris, and we stayed in this hotel. We did. The hotel was nice. The hotel was lovely, and you'll never guess what happened. I don't know if anyone's ever done this before, but I was downstairs in one of the corridors trying to find Sophie in her room because she was having her makeup done and hair done in one of the rooms. And a lady walks out the room and starts talking to her friend in the corridor. And she says, you'll never guess what happened this morning. And I was just standing there listening.

10:15She goes, some girl just walks into my room, stands there and walks out. I immediately knew it was Sophie. I immediately knew it was Sophie. I immediately knew it was you. There's no one else who would have done it. So what happened? I just walked into the wrong room. So you walk into a room. I walk in and a lady's in bed and there was another person. She went, oh! And I was like, oh! And then I just closed the door and walked out. I was so confused because I was trying to find glasses. You didn't say anything. No, of course not. I was just like, and I also walked out slowly because I had like loads of bags and like, I'm not fucking running.

10:58So I just thought, God, I was right in. I walked right up to the bed. And she went, oh! And I went, oh! Because I thought she was a neglect. I thought she was my makeup artist and I was like Nicolette's funny I thought maybe she got in bed I don't fucking know I was like she's just pulling a prank on me they're pretending to be asleep but no no I was in but like how close to the bed did you get? I was my knees were touching the bed I walked down the corridor past her loo onto her bed and then she went imagine how scared she was and I went this sweet lady like was she asleep with an eye mask on?

11:35no she didn't have an eye mask she was just fast asleep And her partner didn't wake up just asleep. On the front, you know, like that asleep. It was like 7.30am. I need to know more details. Was the room dark? No, light. You could see the light through the curtains. So all the lights off curtain shut. The light was coming through the curtains. It was one of those, there weren't shutters, light blaring through. They could see me as clear as day. I could see her as clear as day. She was gobsmacked. I looked. I was also really tired and I was like, I'm walked out. Guys, we had an absolutely wild weekend, and I want to see if anyone would react the way that I reacted.

12:11So he goes to bed. Our little baby is upstairs sleeping. Great, fine. I'm downstairs and I'm watching a science fiction movie, but it's all about the world kind of coming to an end. As I go upstairs, I sort of stop watching because I'm getting tired. As I go upstairs... All scared. I was a little bit scared, yeah. As I go upstairs to get into bed, suddenly, as I walk into the room, everything turns off. The fan that we have because it's so hot, that turns off. I can't switch any lights on. They're all not working. There's a huge power cut on the entire street. Like, blackout. I thought the world was coming to an end.

12:43He shakes me awake. Sophie. Sophie, bear around. He's naked at this point. Sophie. Sophie. Yeah? There's a power cut. All right, it's midnight. So what do you want me to do about that? Everyone's asleep anyway and it should be dark. Sophie, this is not good. This is really not good. He opens all the windows. He's peering out like a little fucking meerkat out the window. I was like, you thought, I know what you thought. You thought that we were going to get burgled or like attacked. And then you were like, right, this is really bad. This is not normal at all that the whole street's gone out. I was like, well, surely like a power cut is a power cut.

13:19Like the whole street's gone out. I'm sure it's going to come back on. He's like, right, who can I call? I said, call our neighbor, Gwen. So he's like, I'm going to call Gwen. I'm like, okay. He gets on his trackies. He walks outside. You go out for all of one second. She got really scared. I know you did. Went for one second, got freaked out. ran back in, starts calling every gas and electrician around the world. He's like, do I need to evacuate the house? I'm like, obviously, we don't need to evacuate the house. And then my son wakes up. Yeah, exactly. So I go and I pick up Ziggy and I say, oh, he's arching his back.

13:54Because, by the way, I went to Ruby, my friend's engagement party. Jamie looked after him in the day. So what did you feed him? Has he eaten anything that's made him gassy? I've always told Jamie that you can't give a baby honey until they're one because that's what it says okay it's a very weird thing but you're just not allowed you're not supposed to anyway Jamie goes out he's like what do you mean I haven't given him anything to eat weird and I was like okay it's fine don't worry like no stress rocking Ziggy he comes back in white as a ghost he looked like he'd seen a ghost in our house he was like Sophie no I didn't do that you were like this I was like that I was like Sophie I think you were like this Sophie Sophie I think we need to go to A &E I was like what what's happened he was like I gave Ziggy you know the little wooden like Winnie the Pooh honey sticks like that you get honey out of he was like I gave him one of those to chew on because he's teething I was like right and he's like but what if it had honey residue on it I was like well did it he's like I don't know what did it look like it looked clean okay so you just gave him a wooden stick to neuron for his teeth.

14:59Like, why are we going to go to A &E? Because I'm going to call 111. Of course he calls 111. They're like, you should go to A &E. So at 2 a.m. in the morning, we drive my son to A &E because he ate a wooden stick. They would eat it. And he chewed on it for two seconds and then took it out of time. And when we were in there telling the nurse, she was like, okay, and? Yeah, she said that. Why are you here? And I was like, well, he wanted to come because of that. The stick had never been used for honey. It was just on the side. We haven't even... Our honey is a squeezy pot. I don't know why I was freaking out so much.

15:36I suddenly, my paranoid state at that time was just like, he must have eaten honey. He hadn't even touched honey. But that's scary becoming new parents. I think there's something going on with your brain. That's why you're feeling the way you are today. I will say there's been mercury retrograde. It normally hits you like a ton of bricks. Secondly, you're just delicate and you've not had sleep. But I don't think... The thing is, you know, normal people who are tired, they feel tired Jamie doesn't feel tired but he gets every other symptom of not sleeping so he feels anxious he feels stressed he feels grumpy he feels paranoid he feels neurotic but you don't get the signal like normal humans do like I'm just tired so you still don't sleep so it's an acumen I only sleep when my body passes out basically that's when I sleep which is very little yeah I don't sleep that much ever but you do become frantic when you don't sleep so I notice that you're not sleeping but you're like I'm not tired and I'm like yeah but you're fucking crazy right now Yui, what do you think?

16:29Do you think I'm crazy at the moment? Yeah, definitely. You can sense it? Absolutely. I can sense it the moment I see you. Whether you're in one of those moods. Really? Yeah. What is the mood? It's like frantic. Frantic, lack of eye contact. No eye contact. No eye contact. It's a very quick, oh, hi, Yui. Like, runs to get food. Is that really what it is? Yeah. Imagine living with him. I know. It's like cortisol through the roof. So intense. I feel for you all the time. wait hang on a second and by the way sorry I just want to add like he's like constantly like cleaning up and throwing things away like you know like it's just like frantic you're like right who's this do we need this I'm like it's literally yoghurt I've just put it in a bowl for Ziggy he's like okay so what should I do with the yoghurt put it back in the way it's like wow I am like that yeah and then you're like this in the sink with scrubbing Ziggy's bottles like seeing myself from an outside point of view then that is mad It was like when you watched the Disney show I think you were like Wow, I'm quite hectic, aren't I?

17:30So how do I change it? What do I need to rein it in? You can't change it, honey It's just it's through your veins No, it's not And it's like that energy is really coming out of Ziggy now And I'm just here for it He is energetic Ziggy is absolutely bonkers Overnight This is wild that I'm experiencing myself From an outside point of view here Yeah, what else? Keep going Just like crazy, hectic Like energy is like And I'm like Fuck it. Let's take a breath. Have a cigarette. It'd be good if you like smoke weed or something. I do often think to myself like you would do well with a vice. Like a gambling habit?

18:08No, like a weed habit or something if weed was legal. So wait, you think, wait, sorry. You think I would deal well with like a vice? Yeah, like I don't know. Like if you were someone who loved a glass of wine in the evening, like you would do well with that. You need to have a vice. Your vice is you don't have a vice so you put it into your life. And that's what makes you such a good businessman but it's also like where's the chill? Try and explain this to me. So what am I like as a person? And I'm going to give you a free road right now. Insane energy. Insane. No, just break it down. Jamie, I'm going to be really real with you.

18:46I don't think you've ever chilled in your entire life. It's like you eat bread And like you're not thinking about eating bread I don't know what the fuck you're thinking about Really? It's also like Parview and it's so great But you know our baby's going to be a little bit like that I think so, yeah And is that going to be fun? It's going to be so fun I need to go and do like maybe meditation Maybe like ayahuasca or something Ayahuasca? Why do you want to take all these like weeds? Or like a mushroom trip What would that do? I don't know Like you'd get to the root of like where the pent-up energy is What?

19:19Do you know what I mean? It's like you need to go like, and like let it all out. I will say though, I wouldn't change your brain for the world. I think that's why we're compatible. I find it interesting and stimulating and fascinating. Do you really? If I could study one person, it would be your brain. Truly. I don't know what's different, but it's wired very, very differently to mine. Is it really? Yeah, it's different. The energy is what I'm most fascinated by. Is it different to other people's? Yeah, no one has energy like you. Like no one. There's no one. there must be a few people in the world, but I don't know what's going on up there, but there must be something, the part of the brain that gives you energy that just is like on fire.

19:56I would love to know what you were in a past life. Like I know what I was. What were you? I was a Spanish person. That's all I know. I was Spanish for sure. When I hear the language, when I smell it, like I live in... When you smell it? When I smell Spain, it's my soul. Okay. And what were you doing? I don't know. That I don't know. I have a real thing now. Go. A mother and maybe a dancer and a singer. Not a flamenco dancer though, just like Shakira vibes. I think I was a puppy, a dog. I really do. I don't think you're a puppy because puppies are quite simple. I don't think they have many thoughts going on in their head.

20:36If anything, you would have been more like a monkey. Or maybe a monkey. They're my favorite animal. We need to get a past life regression therapist. I would love nothing more than that. To talk to us about what happened in our past life. Producer Yui, can we do that? We'll sort it ASAP. I think we should give a little bit of a Ziggy update, all right? Because guys, Ziggy has said his first words. Well, he said his first word and it is... Mama. Mama, it was, yeah, it was Mama. He does say da-da-da-da-da-da, but it's followed by ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Yeah, I'm not sure if he's really saying dada, but he's definitely saying Mama.

21:10Yeah. He loves his mummy so much. I've actually got a really cute little video. I'm going to play it for you guys because you can hear him laughing and it is just so precious.

21:23Okay, Daddy's going to sleep now.

21:36Oh my God. Those little chuckles. And he's so intrigued. He's just like, his personality just changes every day. He's like a proper little person now. We thought at the beginning he was a bit of a chiller, but like, no, no. He is not a chiller. He is so energetic. I can't understand the energy, although I can because you are his dad. He has so much energy. It's not normal. And he doesn't like sleeping. He doesn't like sleeping. He has so much energy. It's the most beautiful one thing. How do you feel the fact that his first word was mama? I just knew it would be. I knew it. when I was saying I reckon you were saying to him mama I told you I said it to you guys I told you guys I was walking down the street unhinged like mama mama and he would look at me like and then he thought fucking hell I've just got to sit and I'll just shut this woman up oh my god is your heart full honey my heart's full like I think this is every stage is incredible and like every stage and like I miss all the stages I miss the newborn stage but like this it has to be the best so far you just get so much back and they're just like these little people he has such a personality I can't bear it it's so cute and on that note ladies and gentlemen it's time for Messages Messages Messages Messages Messages Messages Messages Messages Waiting for your sign?

22:59Here it is Shop Labor Day appliance deals at Lowe's before they're gone Get up to 45 % off select major appliances Plus get free delivery Halloway installation and parts and a two-year Lowe's protection plan on purchases of$999 or more. Labor Day deals are on now at Lowe's, in-store and online. Valid through 916, while supplies last. Selection varies by location. See Lowe's.com for more details. Hey guys, it's Mary from Two Judgy Girls. This episode is sponsored by Aerie. If you're counting down the minutes until you take your bra off when you get home, it's probably the wrong bra. Or if the straps are digging into your shoulder, or you're constantly adjusting throughout the day, it's definitely time to get a better fit.

23:43That's why we love Aerie. Their bras are designed to be the essential, effortless first layer with soft fabrics, great fits, and up to 59 sizes. So you can find the one that's right for you. Your bra should be holding you in, not holding you back. Visit Aerie.com to find the right bra for you. That's A-E-R-I-E.com. Do you keep hearing podcast ads like this one, for example, but always wonder how you actually get involved with them for your own brand or organization? Well, it's easier than you think. We're Acast, and we give you the platform to do it all yourself. Browse thousands of popular podcasts, choose the shows that match your perfect audience, set your budget, and launch.

24:28And if you want a hand, our podcast specialists are there to help you launch with confidence. This is podcast advertising without barriers. Get started at acast.com slash advertise.

24:44Ladies and gentlemen, before we start, welcome back to listeners messages. Thank you so much for writing them in. We freaking love them more than anything. As I always say, what was that little whistle? I don't know. I just needed to out breathe. You needed to breathe out. Yes. Okay. I have a wild story. You ready for this? From Emily. About 15 years ago, I moved from the UK to America to study for a year. A few months in, I met this American guy and agreed to go on a date with him. He came over to my place first for a drink before we headed out. And while we were sitting in my kitchen chatting, he spotted this tiny spray bottle on the table.

25:22Without asking what it was, he picked it up, looked at it for about half a second and went, Breath spray. Before I could even process what he was doing He opened his mouth and gave himself two massive sprays It was pepper spray I have genuinely never seen a human being react so quickly He started coughing and gagging His eyes were streaming And he was desperately trying to rinse his mouth out over the kitchen sink Imagine doing that What would that feel like? What is pepper spray? It is unbearable Have you had it? I have had it once because when we were in Greece once, I was with a guy who, he had a bodyguard, really of all people, and his bodyguard had a pepper spray.

26:07And you sprayed it on your face. And we sprayed it, and said, can we try what it feels like? On your face? No, so we sprayed it in the air and we walked into it. It is... Like what? I've always wanted it. It's honestly something I think about often. Debilitating. You can't see. You can't breathe. It's like burning your throat. Like you're like, it's like terrible. I thought pepper spray was just like peppermint spray that stings your eyes. No, no, no, no, no. But what did you think it was like all like peppercorn spray that like burns your eyes out? It's like, it's... Like just explain like bleach in your eyes?

26:40I've never had bleach in my eyes. It's like putting chilli in your eyes. It's like getting chilli in your eyes. Unbearable. Can't do it. Please can we get a pepper spray and just test how far Jamie can like put it in close to his face. He started coughing and getting his eyes were streaming and he desperately tried to rinse his mouth out over the kitchen sink while I stood there in complete shock. because being British, I never even owned pepper spray before moving to America. Our romantic first date ended us spending most of the evening on the phone to poison control where he repeatedly washed his mouth out and desperately tried not to laugh.

27:09We actually did go on another date, but he never touched anything in my house without asking again. That is horrific. It's horrific. I do actually recall like once I dated this person and I woke up in the night and there was that thing called Tiger Balm and I was like, oh, lip balm. And I put it on my lips. I woke up and I literally had, they were chapped, bright red, blistered and they were this big. And I was like, what has happened to my lips? It was burning. You wiped Tiger Balm all over my lips. And I kept doing it because I was like, they stink a bit. I kept putting this stupid Tiger Balm on my lips.

27:51Where, who was this person? I can't remember. Like an ex of some sort. What's it? What's it? I can't remember. Why are you being so weird? Getting a little bit coy over there. You shy little moose. Tiger balm on the lips is brutal. I layered it on as hell. Layered it on. That's brutal. I know. I thought this is a really nice lip balm is what I thought. Brutal. I've got a wild story from Marissa. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half when we went to a wedding together. He is an identical twin brother, and I mean identical. His brother recently started seeing a new girl none of us had met yet, and they were joining us later at the reception.

28:33My boyfriend and I had already enjoyed the ceremony after a couple of mojitos decided to sneak off to a quiet room in the venue for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, this was almost exactly when his twin and his new girlfriend arrived. His brother left her waiting in the hallway while he went to find us and the family. But after about 20 minutes, she decided to go looking for him. At that exact moment, my boyfriend and I stumbled out of this random room looking very pleased with ourselves. She froze. She'd never met my boyfriend before. The twins were identical and, because they were both in the wedding party, they were wearing the exact same suit.

29:07She marched over, threw her drink in his face and said, I'm leaving and stormed out. No! We were completely baffled until about five minutes later, his twin came around the corner asking where his girlfriend was. Suddenly it clicked. we explain what happened he sprinted after her to explain she'd just seen his identical twin coming out of a room with his own girlfriend thankfully she believed him and came back they're now married and every christmas someone brings up the time she thought she'd caught her future husband cheating within 20 minutes that is why i do understand that and i do also think it is so weird the concept of being an identical twin because like you're basically shagging somebody right but like there's another version of them so like the brother i'd feel really uncomfortable.

29:48Like if you were a twin, I wouldn't be able to be around your twin brother because I'd be like, I know what your penis looks like. Do you know what I mean? Imagine if I had a twin, identical twin sister. Hang on a second. That is actually a really good point. Identical twins, they always say the way you can tell the difference is a few fingerprints. If they're boys, I reckon you could tell the difference between their penises. No, you can't. Their penises won't be identical. They are. They're identical. can you google if twins penises are identical okay on my work laptop okay do on your work laptop and like what would you do if i had a twin sister um enjoy her company i don't know but would you be weird about it because obviously like you see me naked but that's a different person yeah i know but we have everything everything's the same it says no while very similar in most cases small differences, all lifestyle factors are common.

30:44Lifestyle factors, so like if they're taking Viagra or not. What? What other lifestyle factors affect the penis? You think twins, what do twins? What lifestyle affects a penis or whether they shave their pubes or not?

31:00I'm so confused. What lifestyle differences affect a penis? I don't know, that's come from Coventry University. That's not what they're talking about. Lifestyle, what lifestyle things affect your genitals, genitalia. That is wild. That is wild. Okay, I have one. It's a love story from Ellie. Hi, Jamie and Sophie. I wanted to share my graduation love story. There was a cute boy I'd noticed for around uni for years. I'd see him in the library, outside lectures or walking across campus. And I always told myself I would pluck up the courage to say hello one day. Then graduation arrived and I realized that I might have missed my chance.

31:36All my friends graduated in different ceremonies and I stupidly forgot to book tickets for my parents. So I was standing there alone in my cap and gown feeling like I'd ruined my own day. Then I saw him and he was by himself too. I remember thinking this was my last chance to speak to him. So I walked over, introduced myself and admitted I had seen him around uni for years, but I had never been brave enough to say hello. He smiled and he said he noticed me too. We ended up spending the whole day together. Four years later and we are still together with our two little dogs, Poppy and Pickle. I always think if my graduation had gone exactly to plan, I might never have had the courage to say hello.

32:16That is wonderful. Poppy and Pickle. Poppy and Pickle. Ladies and gentlemen, keep sending in your listeners' messages. We absolutely love them. You can send them an email, newlyparents at jampopproductions.co.uk or you can sign in our DMs at newlyparentspodcast. Slide in there, baby. That's the end of That's the end of That's the end of Listen's Messages

32:44Jesus, your result day is coming up. I remember mine. What was happening on yours? I was on a flight to my bear for the summer. The results came out just as the flight took off and I didn't get to see until it landed. Oh my God. It was sickening. I don't know what my parents did booking me on that flight but I felt violently ill and I unblocked it and it said Newcastle University and I got A star, A, B. What did you get? That's not GCSE. That's A level. Oh, my GCSE, I don't remember what I was doing then. What were you? Oh, shit. Okay, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, GCSE, I will. Wait, so your A level.

33:17GCSE, I got even better results, would you believe? I got, what do you mean how? Do you not think I could get good results? I do, I think you would have worked very hard. I got A star, A, A, A, A, A, 1B. Did you really? And GCSE is... At A level, I got A star, A, B. I know, guys. That's unbelievable. I fucking owe. And in my university, I got 69, which is one mark off, well, in my dissertation, one mark off first. Don't worry about it, guys. High five. What did you get? I got, Jesus, all Bs, two Cs and a D. That's not good. Yeah, it's not great. I won't lie. It's not great. And then A levels. You didn't get one A.

33:55A levels, I got B, C, D. University? Two, two. Yeah, it's not that impressive, is it? It's really not that impressive. But what is impressive is you're so successful now. So just remember, you don't have to be academic to be successful. We're going to play a little game. I'm going to read you some GCSE questions. I want to know if you're going to still pass your GCSE exams today. I really don't want to because I was better at like an English essay, not like a logical choice. All right, well, we're going to start with English language. Oh, for fuck's sake. Also, if you want to play along with us, please play along with us.

34:28All right, here we go. See if you can pass your GCSEs as well. Okay, this is GCSE level, English language. Which language technique is used in the wind whispered through the trees? Simile, personification, hyperbole, alliteration. I think it is personification because it's personifying the wind whispered. Sophie! Or is it alliteration because it's WW? Sophie, I think you're right. I think it's personification. That's correct. Bosh! Well done. All right, here we go. Biology. Which part of the cell contains genetic material? The nucleus, cell membrane, cytoplasm, or ribosome? The nucleus cell membrane.

35:14I think it's the nucleus. It's the nucleus. Come on. You said the cell membrane. We're going on again. Here we go. You should just hit me with the English ones. History. History. Which event began the First World War in 1914? The assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand? That one. The Battle of Britain? No, the first one. The Russian Revolution or the sinking of the Titanic? The first one. Sophie's correct. Geography. Oh, bad at this. Which layer of the Earth is molten rock? Crust, mantle, inner core, atmosphere? Inner core? Correct. No, mantle. Mantle. You're absolutely mantle over there. You're absolutely mantle.

35:48Did you know? Nope. Geography was my worst. Math and geography. Okay, here we go. Biology again. Photosynthesis requires which gas? Oxygen, nitrine, carbon dioxide, hydrogen? Carbon dioxide. Correct. Correct. This is on... Oh my God, I'm actually so clever. Okay, we're going to keep going. Here we go. Jesus, see you later. Here we go. Can't believe my eyes. English literature. In Macbeth, why is the line fair is foul and foul is fair significant? It introduces a theme of appearance versus reality. It explains Macbeth's family history. It predicts the end of the play. It celebrates Scottish victory.

36:22I think the first one. I think you're probably right. Correct. Okay, here we go. Which Shakespeare... I should enter the chase. Which Shakespeare play contains the line All the world's a stage All the world's a stage Hamlet, Macbeth, As You Like It, The Tempest All the world's a stage And try and finish the quote All the world's a stage And all the men and women are merely players I think that's the end of the line And it's from As You Like It That is unbelievable knowledge Correct on As You Like It Yes Okay, last one Biology Oh no, can we keep playing? I don't want to do the rest of the podcast This is so fun Biology Which of the following is the site where fertilization usually occurs in humans?

37:02Ovary, uterus, overduct, or cervix? The ovary or the uterus. The ovary. I think it's the uterus. No, my cervix gets soft when I'm about to give birth. And my ovary is where my eggs are. So I think in the uterus it fertilizes. You think it's there? It's C, the overduct, also known as the fallopian tube. Well, duh! I knew it was the fallopian tube. We were all totally wrong No we didn't We got all of them right but one Yeah we got all of them right but wrong Honey I'm going to give you a round of applause for that Wow Next week A-levels Are we going to do that next week? Yeah and then I think we should do like year two And see if we get that Because we probably wouldn't We have a new Prime Minister coming in Andy Burnham Andy Burnham He's coming he's going to set some new policies He is And I know we've done this before But I just want to know if things have changed for you Right If the Labour Party phoned you up, they said, Sophia Boo, we want you to lead our party.

38:03We want you to lead the country. We need you. Britain needs you. The people need you. You have to give a quick little speech and then give two policies that you're going to give to Britain. Okay. Here it is. Britain. Here we go. People of Britain, ladies and gentlemen. Nice. And boys and girls. Yeah, good. Listen up and listen clear I am here to make your life easier Not harder And in doing so I want to just say Pack up your stuff Pack it up Whatever you're doing If you're listening to me on the radio Or in the car Or on your way to work Pack it in Go back It's a national holiday You all need a rest Everyone is going to get childcare for the day Free childcare Free childcare with all the nonnas And the grandmas The trusted grandmas So wait, so the nonnas Aren't going to get the day off No, because they've had lots of days off In their late years And they want to work actually They want to be with the babies They want to chill Sophie, Sophie, how do you know that?

39:13Because they speak to me in their dreams And they write to me And I want you all to go back I want you to rest I want you to close your eyes and just pack it in for the day. And you know what? We'll re-evaluate it at the end of the day if we want two days. And again then after that day. And if we want to take a week off, so be it. The life will still go on. But Sophie... And Britain will still run. Sophie, can I have a question, please? Yes, Jamie. Yeah, how do you know my name? I know everyone's name. It's part of my talent. Sophie, the only problem is is that if we have a day off, how is everything going to run?

39:50How are the trains going to run? the planes. There's going to be no trains and no planes because we are all going to just sleep. Everyone needs to catch up on sleep and just have a day of rest. Everyone needs to put an eye mask on. We need to put some white noise on. If you want to put a Harry Potter book on so you can just sleep, you put that on and you close your eyes and you rest. But Sophie, Sophie, what happens to all the food in the supermarkets and all the farms and everything? It gets kept there. the supermarkets are still running we're going to lock the doors and we're going to keep the iced machine still on but Sophie can I ask one more question yes what is one more policy you're going to do apart from rest firstly women are going to get free tampons and free sanitary towels love this because that is horrific that we have ever made women pay for that nice secondly we're also going to have trams in London and also that's it that's it for now and I'll come back to you after I've had a day's sleep.

40:48Ladies and gentlemen, it's unbelievable. Honey, I'd vote for you in a heartbeat. Thanks. What would yours be? Sons and daughters of Britain. Very Winston Churchill. Welcome to a new era. And by era, I mean E-R-A. Energy. Rest. Activate. Adventure. Energy. because that's what we're going to bring to you. Energy to our country. Energy to the individual. Energy to our people. The individual. Ah, rest. Because we all need it. I want you to rest because what's about to come is exciting, which is A, adventure. For adventure, we're going to conquer the world. Not in an aggressive way, in a nice way. We're going to conquer it with kindness Jamie, Jamie Yes, young lady And how's that an adventure, conquering it?

41:49An adventure is what you have in your mind Everything can be an adventure Jamie, Jamie Yes, old lady How are we going to rest? I am going to supply a pillow A special pillow To every single person And what will that pillow do? It will let you rest on it So it's a magic pillow It's not a magic pillow Just have this pillow Wherever you go You can put your head on this little pillow And you can rest And close your eyes Yeah. For how many minutes can we rest? For 20 minutes. A day? Yes. That's not much rest. Get her out. She's a nuisance. Fake news. All right, ladies and gentlemen, before we go, we would like to do a little bit called Newly Founded, which is our brand new segment, which we called Newly Founded, where we shout out the amazing people, products, business, tips that help newly parents stay sane.

42:36Okay, and this week's shout out is from Sophie. It says, hi, Jamie and Sophie. My ultimate parroting hack is putting stained baby clothes in the sun. Baby poo stains are terrifying. You look at a vest and think, how is this not a crime scene? But after washing it, if you hang it outside or put it in direct sunlight, the stain can fade massively. It's weirdly satisfying because you feel like you've beaten the baby at laundry. Obviously, this depends on how much sun there actually is, and the UK isn't reliable for that. That is so good. Why does that happen? That's so interesting. I'm going to do that with all my stained clothes as well That is so good Sophie, thank you so much for that little tip Now, listen, as always, we'd love to hear more If you have anything, a tip, a trick, a business idea, anything at all Please send it in to newlyparents at jambrotproductions.co.uk Any hack, we want to hear from you And before we go, we would like to end on what we'd like to call A little bit of story time So whatever you're doing, maybe you're resting Maybe you're chilling, but this will sink you into your somber Now this week on our bedtime story is about a sweet naturally blonde haired man named Jamie who becomes prime minister.

43:42But he's so handsome that no one listens to a word he says because they're distracted by his handsomeness. Are you ready? I'm always ready. Go. Once upon a time in a land far away there was a small small man named Jamie Lang. They pronounced it Lang but in fact it was Lang and he himself was rather pang. And once he went to the loo, but he could not squeeze out his poo. So whilst he was there, dull in his thoughts, he thought, what is something that is quite wrought? So he signed up to be Prime Minister. Rhyme that. And there he was, very sinister. Nice. He taught and bought and did not court any fish to serve on a dish.

44:34But whilst he was Prime Minister, he continued to be sinister. And the fans and the audience and the people of Britain started to say, Give us the kitten. And one day more, he went upon a shore to sail a boat. But he couldn't stay afloat. And down he went into the ocean so deep. He forgot even what the story's about And there he was He could not fleet Goodbye, goodbye, poor Jamie Lang You are nothing but a prank

45:18It doesn't even make sense Where was the handsome bit? He was also Peng, I said he was Peng Ladies and gentlemen That's the end of the episode The end of the podcast Of course we're going to see you next week For another one If you would like to get in touch with us We'd love to hear from you Newly Parents Podcast on Instagram you can sign her DMs or you can send us an email newlyparents at jambrotproductions.co.uk we want to hear from you all we hope you have a great week we have a great day and as always if you're getting married if you're getting engaged if you're having a baby if you're getting divorced and we'll see you next week for another episode of Newly Parents goodbye goodbye

46:13We'll be right back.

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