The second trimester is the HARDEST

0:03Well, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Nearly Parents podcast. On the menu today, honey, we have what? Jamie nearly misses Flight by Franz Wedding. I did. We finally had sex. We move into our new house. Sophie's feeling terrible in her second trimester. And of course, we have listeners messages all coming up on the podcast. So sit back and enjoy and listen to Nearly Parents. Thank you for calling the Bombas Comfort Line. Bombas make socks, slippers, tees, and underwear made with the highest quality materials. Press 1 for comfort, 2 for style, 3 for donation. You chose style. Bombas is styles for whatever you enjoy.

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2:26Hello, I'm Jamie Lange. And I'm Sophie Lange. And we've been married for two years. And we're having a baby. Yes, we are. Are you ready? Let's go. Well, hello and welcome to Nearly Parents. It's a Sunday night in Baltimore. Bowlamour. My God, do you remember Hairspray? Is that how you want to begin it? Do you remember Hairspray? Good morning, Bowlamour. Every... Sounds phenomenal. Do that. Hit that note. I swear to God. Hit that note one more time. I should have been in theatre. No. Musical. No. Musical theatre. I shouldn't. I should have been in theatre. She's absolutely knackered. Guys, I...

3:13She's absolutely knackered. Can I just say, I'm going to start this off on a really negative note, but everyone out there, everyone out there who says, second trimester, you feel so great. And you get so much energy. You're glowing. I feel like shit. It's the worst I've felt in all of it. So there we go. Put that on your pipe and smoke it. I fucking will. Katia, she keeps saying to me. My stepmother. Your stepmother keeps telling me about how she moved like three houses and she had so much energy. And yeah, you can't imagine energy. and I'm like, where and when? When is it coming? Wait, so this second trimester has been your worst?

3:50Yeah, I feel really, I keep doing COVID tests. I'm like, surely this is not pregnancy symptoms. Like I honestly, I keep being like, in my head, I'm like, well, I must go get my bloods tested because I'm not well. And no, no, just pregnant. And the only way to describe it is that one time I had COVID in 2020, this is what it felt like. Okay, look, I appreciate that people obviously had very like awful COVID so an awful thing. But like I felt just like just all those symptoms is what I feel now. Like almost the loss of taste as well. Like nothing tastes nice but yet I want to eat everything. The call I get from Sophie most days is I don't feel right.

4:29I'm literally like you're pregnant. I don't feel right. I'm like you're pregnant. Not what I thought pregnant symptoms were. It's like I just don't feel well. It's like really odd. I can't get on board that this is just being pregnant. I think I'm definitely ill. You're not. You're totally fine. Is there something in your throat today? No, does it sound like it? Because I heard, no, you're not. You're totally fine. The whole way through. Because there's new teeth of yours. That's what it is. I don't have new teeth. Can I say I like your new teeth? Can we just quickly say, hello everyone and welcome back to Nearly Parents Podcast.

5:06My name is Sophie Habu slash Leng and this is my husband, Jamie. me welcome back baby okay so just another thing to add to the cookie my tooth and my front tooth yeah you know the one that is on show all day every day has chipped down four times since being pregnant so i've gone to jamie's dentist where he gets all these lovely things that are in his mouth and they put a little tiny bit of bonding on and they were next day chipped they were like well just you're not going to be able to eat anything crunchy what for the rest of my knife i'd rather fucking have a chip in my tooth so i'm just rolling around with the chip in my tooth and i don't know one can see it yeah they can we just went straight up to me what's happened to your tooth no one can see it it's breaking away oh so the point is that pregnancy you get free dentist appointments apparently because your teeth are so frail so basically your teeth just start falling out i'm having a drink and the tooth chips honey who's told you this Alice from Disney So, and you think your teeth become brittle when you're pregnant?

6:08Well, my bones definitely do Your bones are not brittle My hips are like absolutely in bits Nothing's brittle Everything, the soles of my feet ache I'm not fucking about like, I get into bed and I'm like Has someone been pounding my feet with like a hammer all night? And my hips lying on my side Like it feels like someone's grating my hip away with like a cheese grater The bone Is it really? Yeah, I don't know what's happening It's not good You're having a lovely little time though Because you get into bed around 8pm at the moment That's not true Because our Ricardo delivery came at 8.30pm last night But no we're You think that because like we don't see each other anymore Sophie has this thing at the moment Where we're two ships in the night That we're actually not seeing each other But we are, we do see each other We're not The last few weeks we haven't I don't know when it's happened But like I just suddenly went to sleep last night I was like I really don't know who my husband is anymore Yeah because I was away from you pretty much all of last week because I was working.

7:04You went to a wedding as well, so we didn't see you because you were at the wedding. And so we just haven't spent that much time with each other. That's what's happened. But you, honestly, at the moment, are making me die more than anything. The things that you were saying to me, you don't... I don't know when because we're never talking. Honestly, I don't know who you are. I was... Almost was awkward when you got home last night. I was like, stranger. What are you talking about? He's a stranger. Honey, don't say that. No, don't give me your foot. I was like... No, give me your hand. why is this stranger in my house like i'm so used to being on my own at the moment i was like who's this blonde kid strolling about asking me questions this is this is sums up our relationship in the best way i'm driving in a taxi in a car and i'm chatting to the taxi driver because i'm hosting this thing all weekend and the taxi driver we're getting on really well and having a really nice time and sophie rings me and we've been talking about you and he go and he really enjoyed you on the podcast thought you were really funny and i said oh she's brilliant so i put you on loudspeaker so I go hey honey how you doing and we're having a nice little chat at the end of the conversation you on loudspeaker with this taxi driver I've only just started the journey we're about 20 minutes in you say to me on the phone you go ah you're smarter than my arsehole ripped in two

8:19no you didn't you went you were like yeah you went facetimed to me that's what I was like Couldn't care less. I was like, see ya. Bye. Enjoy your taxi ride. You're smarter than my arsehole, Ripton 2. What does that even mean? I really don't know. I really, really don't know. Do you think this is, do you say we're two ships in the night? That's what you think at the moment. I feel like we're two ships in the night since like the week before moving into our house. But look, I don't have the energy to talk to you, so I'm like, I don't know. I think what we have is something called delayed tiredness, which is...

8:55We moved into the house We had a lot going on We went and met the king We spoke about that last episode That was a lot We had lots of things going The king wasn't a lot It was a lot No, no, no Working in a hospital is a lot Not going and meeting the king And shaking hands with the king In royal Buckingham Palace Okay For 45 minutes Yes, but then you went to a wedding You had three days of a wedding We moved into the house Came home at 2.45am Ladies and gentlemen pregnant If that's not a stint I don't know what else is You're a complete freaking legend. That's what you are. I also, we have some really upsetting news as well, some really sad news that we need to save for the podcast.

9:38And the reason why I sort of haven't started with this one is because it's also like a wonderful thing in lots of different ways because I think in these situations you want to celebrate someone's life. But my lovely Granny Scotland passed away on the weekend I know She was obviously, we have spoke to her on the podcast And she was amazing And what's so amazing about Granny is that I got to go and see her So recently So recently But she was 94, 95 years old She was just really old And she was sore and in pain and she just wanted to just go, I think. And in the most beautiful way, she kind of did go and she was just so happy.

10:27So she's much happier probably where she is and I sent her a little prayer. But I know that lots of you guys on the podcast loved Granny Scotland. And yeah, it shouldn't be a sad moment. It should be a happy moment. She lived the most incredible life. Yeah, she did. But it is sad because she was just what a lady. An amazing lady and so incredible We love you Granny Scotland Love you so much And she got her lifelong dream Of people knowing who she is Was that her lifelong dream? I think part of her would have loved to be famous In some sort of way Granny To you Granny We love you so much And yeah We love you Okay We can now move on from that Because otherwise I'll get too sad about it If you think about it too much Okay so you're in the second trimester for breaks that is the tricky one I thought this is normally the one that's quite breezy and easy I just don't know what everyone's talking about but I found first trimester like pretty breezy so I think I fucked it and I think someone above thought yeah you shut up and get back in your box you little gobby shit I'm walking around like well I don't know what everyone's talking about it's bags of energy everyone kept being like are you feeling shit and I'd be like no I feel great don't have any food aversions now I'm like everything tastes bland unless I'm pouring salt into my mouth willis and george i just went silverstone with willis who does my hair and is also a great friend of mine and then my sister they were in shock at the salt i was eating this is not good because you were eating that much salt i was just i needed it and then all the food was done and they're wonderful girls at tresme it's actually quite embarrassing when you're pregnant because people think you just need to eat all the time which you so you're just being You were fed food all the time.

12:13They were like, don't worry. Like, I've just had literally like a quiche, you know, like a whole meal. Had a quiche? No, I had like the whole lunch. And then like it gets taken away and everyone's like drinking their lovely champagne. They're like, don't worry, we're bringing you out more food. So a hot dog comes up. You love these sausages. Couldn't eat it because of the frankfur. I didn't want to be rude. So I was like. What does it mean because of the frankfur? You're not allowed to eat frankfurts. But I thought you've eaten sausages before. You had six sausages the other day. A sausage is very different to a frankfur.

12:39A hot dog. Frankfurter? Sorry, I don't know. Who eats them anyway? I don't know. But Frankfurt is a place in Germany. Yeah, that's probably where Frankfurt has come from. So there you go. So anyway, no, I have to turn that down. I'm like very politely. I don't want to tell them. How do you turn it down? Give it to me. Well, actually, the problem was, was there was like raw steak. Couldn't eat that. Then there was a wards of salad, Rockford cheese. Desperate to put that in my mouth. Couldn't eat that. Then I get brought out like pulled pork and mashed potato. This is my third course at this point.

13:10They're just bringing it all out for a little of me. Oh, you're ready to chow that down. Oh, of course I did. Then I sneak over and I say to the woman, is there any more left? You whisper. Yeah, because I'm mortified that I bring out another little bowl of it for me. I'm just chow, chow, chow, having the rest of my life. You're that hungry. During pregnancy, you're that hungry. Talk me through the emotions. The hunger is uncontrollable. Mine's not been that uncontrollable. My first trimester, I was like, unless I didn't have something in my mouth, I kind of felt a bit nauseous. Like, you really can't go apart.

13:41For me, I couldn't go past like two hours without eating. They just try and mess with me like less hungry, but like I just want the food. Like I need the salt in my mouth. Like tell you what it feels like. You know when you're savagely hungover and you just need like a McDonald's? And you just need that salt. You just need constant salt. Like that's my situation. Like get that sweet stuff away from me. Goodbye, chocolate. I tell you. Hello, licking salt. I tell you what the good news is, ladies and gentlemen. Sophie and I have finally had sex Yee Ha Bebe But what put a real damper on it We're about to get into the act of it Sophie turned to me and said Can I get pregnant again?

14:23Well I just want to clarify That recently I saw That a baby Someone's baby Was pregnant in their stomach Sophie Sophie That's not true It was on Instagram That's not true It's true Can you Google it Helen because it is. You think someone's baby got pregnant in the womb? I think they had sex and somehow the egg got lost and they went into the baby's stomach. So rude. Okay, delete this because now I can't. No, you are actually right. Fuck you. I'm so sorry. Are you serious? And God forbid, I want to protect my baby and I don't want that baby to come out. It's very rare. It can, oh God. Don't, no, can we not?

15:04Like, it was my one chance. For everyone listening, think be safe use protection when pregnant because your baby could get pregnant Sophie it's not a thing it can't be a thing it is it's a real life thing Helen is it a thing it's not a thing but it happened but not through sex thank you it wasn't through sex can you not get pregnant twice no is it called like German twins or something no Irish twins is where you give birth and then you have sex after giving birth and then you have a baby in the same year so you have a baby I wouldn't mind that, you know. Okay, but you can't, I can't, while you're pregnant, I can't have sex with you.

15:43And then suddenly you have another baby growing inside with you whatever months before. Please don't clip that up and make that out that I think that you can get pregnant. Well, that's being clipped up. No, no, no. Because honestly, I think the nation thinks I'm the thickest person in the whole entire world. You're really smart. You actually are. That sounded patronising. No, shut up. You actually are. Can I just say that, like, I just, I'm not that book smart. Is that what I'm not? Oh my god It's actually unbelievable I don't know What you're laughing at You can't read a book For love or money I read loads of books You've literally read One page of a book That is made for five year olds Also Ask me any question Poor kids Ask me any question Let's do this We did this before Ask me any question I'm not going down That route again Come on No because I can't Be bothered You're just so annoying Okay move on Ask me some more questions How is the baby brain At the moment Explain that to me Because apparently People keep asking me The same thing When I was doing Silverstone last week they're asking everything they're saying how's her baby brain?

16:39Oh well that may be that's why I think you can get pregnant when you're pregnant What? Is that baby brain? I don't know what's happening Sorry I think I'm in like a cloud at the minute like I can't like I don't know what's going on like people talk to me and I've not listened to what they've said like I'm just like not in the room Delayed tiredness that is but baby brain is basically where your brain goes to a bit of mush and you don't quite understand what's going on Yes that's way 24-7 so imagine what happens when I'm pregnant I don't quite know what's going on no Yeah, but that's kind of normal, I think.

17:07That's what kind of happens. I tell you the one thing that... Your energy is so calm, and it wasn't before. Because our house, I was up to... My eyeballs intact in our house. And I was up to my eyeballs in the fact that I had to move this house. Like, I knew I had all that stress. And now it's done, and you did a sweet fuck all. I'm calm because I think that was so much stress on my shoulders that I knew I had this approaching move that was over. Like the house, I think, was really giving me anxiety without me knowing. Yeah, because we went through a period and we can say it, of you really not, you really hating me in a beautiful way, not in a bad way, which is fair enough.

17:50I don't think it was in a beautiful way. It was not in a beautiful way. And I was just treading very carefully around the place. Well, okay, you literally lit a cigarette in my face at a wedding, so what do you want me to say? I'm not going to sit there and be like, high five, honey, breathe smoke in your child's lungs. What the hell? So of course For the next 48 hours Hated him Is that the reason? Yes I'm so sorry I did not know that I never smoke Ever You just assigned Jay Wands At this wedding I don't know What's this? Can I try one? No I Look When I met But you know what The funny thing is guys If anyone else Smokes to know me He taps on the shoulder And goes Can you not around my wife She's pregnant 10 minutes later him I was like looked who it was thinking God Jesus Jamie breathing in my face Can I just caveat this This close to me cigarette in my face Can I just caveat this Okay let me just explain what happened here Sophie and I go to a wedding together alright I am at my friend's wedding in London on the Saturday the Sunday Sophie's Sophie's best friend Bella has her wedding on the Saturday they have a second day on the Sunday I as a great friend to them and my husband to you.

19:05Let's not get into that. It is true. I say I'm going to fly out 7am. Guys, let's just say he double booked and he didn't handle things in the best way. So the least you could do was fly out and make that Sunday. Okay, so I'm flying out on the Sunday to Spain. That's what I'm doing. The party on the Saturday was amazing. It was fun. I was with all my old friends. One of my friends. Mine was unreal. Okay, I'm joking. Mine was actually genuinely bad. Okay, it's not a competition. I'm just explaining from my side. I think you missed out. Okay, I'm sure I did, but I had a great time at the wedding.

19:37I get back to the house at probably around midnight. And anyway, I have a 7am flight. Sophie is obviously pregnant. She's my wife. I got to be there for her and for our best friends. And so I'm just thinking, okay, fine, here we go. I wake up at 6am. The flight is at 7am. I'm in our house in West London. And I'm just thinking, oh my God. any person who has had this the fear you think you've missed the flight add on top of that a pregnant wife and being a husband and realizing that you've gone out the night before and you're hung over and you're going to miss your flight the fear that was in me i was like why blaming apple the alarms don't work what has happened here what happened you snoozed there i snoozed the alarm what a problem why would you do that you must have been so drunk i snoozed the alarm so i get And in my head, I go, I've missed it.

20:31I gave up. What, you were just going to sleep? I was going to go back to sleep and I was going to take your wrath. I was going to take your wrath. Oh, but that wrath would have ended up in you moving out. Let me tell you. I was going to take the wrath and I was like, I'm just going to do it. And then I suddenly came to her and I was like, never. How long did it take you to come to? 20 seconds. Okay, solid. Did you close your eyes? Yes, I closed my eyes. I closed my eyes and then I heard your voice just being, and I was like, I can't do that to her. so I got out of bed finished packing my bag got my passport why didn't you pack four?

21:02I was pretty much packed four into the car to the airport I got to the airport my driver was a complete legend got to the airport in 22 minutes to Heathrow got onto it got onto the flight I was the flight was closing did you run the whole way? I ran the whole way it's the most embarrassing thing when you're at an airport and you have to say excuse me sorry my flight and everyone goes well my flight too and you're like no you don't have a pregnant wife in Spain like move out of the way I was doing that and everyone's like fuck is that bloke from made in Chelsea what's it running for I was like oh my god this is the most hectic also you stank because you didn't even wash I didn't smell you came out and I was like brewery it was like vodka in my nose like I can't cigarettes in my nose but you were so hung over I was just like boring so boring how was that boring because you come and you like either bring the vibes or you just sit at home at that point but like you can't come when you're so hung over I kept being like have a bloody merry have a beer like come on one of us has got to have fun and I did and I brought the party.

21:58Not sure about that. Yes, I did. You were very mediocre form, but I would say great effort. Sorry. You were mediocre form, but I would say great effort. You really came to in the evening, which was when I was like... You were dying. I was like, can we go to sleep at 11pm? You were like... But I will say great effort for coming. Also, we should talk about our announcement that we have. Oh, yeah. Really exciting. We are creating a show for Disney. So Disney Plus have our... Six series. No, six episodes. And it's going to be ins and outs of absolutely everything that's going on, which is so freaking exciting.

22:35It's like very raw. It's very raw. It's like docu-style, I would say. Like it's like fly on the wall, raw shit. There's a lot going on. I almost think that's why I'm not sleeping because I keep being like, shit, a camera caught me doing all of that. Anyway. Anyway, the point is, we're shooting a Disney show. It's going to be a six-part series. And if you love this and you love the vlog, you're going to absolutely love our Disney show. And it's so incredibly exciting that it's going on Disney+. But also, guys, thank you so much because your support has meant that we've been able to have really fun, cool opportunities like this.

23:11So we're so grateful to you guys. Which is so amazing. By the way, also just caveat on that. So we went to the palace in Buckingham Palace and we did a twerking dance on the stairs in Buckingham Palace. People thought we were making fun of Meghan and Harry. And I know why, because the thing is, can I just caveat on that as well? This is what my relationship is. Jamie doesn't put music on. I don't look at TikTok. So all I hear is Jamie go, you just need to like dance a little bit. So I'm dancing. Lo and behold, you're mimicking Meghan and Harry. I don't even have a say in it. I don't have any say in what's going on.

23:42And then boom, it's gone. And I look like a dick. You did not look like a dick. And I'm like, why do you do things? Like, surely that's the prime, like, component of being married to communicate. You know what? I'm going to do this. I didn't realise We went to Buckingham Palace And we did a twerking dance And turns out It thought we were making fun of people We were not making fun of anyone at all We were just having a You were making a little bit of fun I swear on my life I've never seen that video I've never seen the video of Meghan or Harry doing that Ever Well you weren't making fun But surely you were copying that I've never seen that video I've never seen that She's so pregnant in the hospital And she does Does the same dance I've never seen that video But why did you It's a trend on TikTok It is a trend on TikTok Yeah And then the royal family commented under the picture saying, oh, behave yourselves or something like that.

24:27No, they loved it. Yeah, but they did winky face, which is hilarious. The royal family commented. Well, I don't think it's them. It is them. I don't think King Charles is on Instagram going, behave yourself. King Charles commented underneath our thing. Anyway, I wanted to say that. Also, I thought I had kidney stones. Do not roll your eyes at me. I'm not rolling my eyes. I'm passing away of the boredness of the kidney stone chat. You don't understand how You don't understand This is the sympathy You're talking about A mild mild pain In your hip In my back It was so painful It was so painful I don't shake your head like that I still could have kidney stones And I could pass them through I haven't slept in Lots of months You have slept No I haven't Not peeing I'm awake every hour Peeing I get no sympathy from you Crawling in pain From my hips That are just Wanting to cave in Honey I was lying in bed and my back was spasming and I thought it was kidney stones.

25:23Well, what's happened? Nothing, because it wasn't anything. It wasn't kidney stones. It was not kidney stones. Yes, I know. But can I get a little bit of sympathy now? No. Just a little bit. No, because you yapped on about it for weeks and weeks and then you know what you do? You go and drink loads and go party and go to a stag. I did not. You're sounding like I was spasming. The night before, he couldn't do anything because he was like, kidney's here, can't move. And then, oh, 6am, you're on a stag for three days. Like, no, don't have sympathy. Sorry. and then you get back from the cell and you're like, it's always fine for the last few days but now it hurts, now I'm home again.

25:53I see what's happening. This lady's whole persona has changed since we moved into this new house and I want to tell you why it has after we play a little game. Of Dictionary, Dictionary Corner. It's time for Dictionary Corner. Pregnancy edition. I want to know if you are ready to be a parent. So I have some words for you that are pregnancy related and I want you, Jamie, to tell me what they mean. Are you ready? I'm ready, take me. Lightning crotch. Pregnancy edition lightning crotch. This is where your crotch is on fire because... I'm feeling this all the time, you know. What is it? A sharp stabbing pain in the pelvic area often caused by the baby pressing on nerves.

26:31Ow. Number two. Fundus. Fundus. Fundus. Fundust. No, fundus. No tea. Fundus or fundus? Whatever you have. Use it in a sentence. That part of my fundus hurts. Vagina. No. the top of the uterus healthcare providers use it the top of the uterus the healthcare providers use it to measure your baby's growth wow where's the uterus? in the womb? yeah I couldn't tell you you don't even know where it is that's the end of what's it called? dictionary corner that's the end of dictionary corner she's got the baby brain she's got the baby pregnancy edition pow well ladies and gentlemen as always in our podcast It is time for Listener's Messages.

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30:33Katie. You ready for this? Yeah. Katie says, first of all, congratulations guys. So I have the funniest story. It's funny now, but it was definitely not at the time. It's a beautiful moment finding out, telling the family and starting journey to parenthood. Well, a week later, I hadn't pooped for five days. Welcome to my world, Katie. I had the most intense pain in my bum. I mean, it was wild. Before this, I had never even allowed my husband to speak to me whilst opening one's bowels. Well, that has all changed now. I end up in urgent care that afternoon. Cue the first finger up the bum with my husband witnessing it all.

31:11I was sent to A &E where I had a second finger up the bum. Eventually, I was told I had a fissure and went back home. A what? A fissure? It's called an anal fissure. Is that right? It's where I've had one. It's where you cut. Have you never had that? No. It's where you cut your bum. I've had it so bad. When you get a big poo and you're like, you go to this. I've had it so bad that the poo was Why are you saying this? What do you mean? Why are you telling us that? It's about Katie I don't care about your bum cards

31:47I've had it so bad No, what are you doing? Why are you going to tell me that? I don't know why you'd tell me, let alone the public That's what I don't understand about you Why? No one asked you because it's important it's important have you never had that where it's no I haven't it's so solid coming out of your butt it was so solid it felt like I was pooing a truncheon it was coming out and it and it ripped my arsehole and and honestly I was like what the hell is that it takes weeks weeks to heal but why was Katie getting fingers up by a fissure because she's obviously pushed to get it out and then it rips the butthole and what they were trying to fish around to find the fissure They were putting the finger up to see what it was And then you touch the fish and it's cut and it really stings Two days later, I'm bent over the sink Shouting at my husband to inspect my bum for any kind of movement With his face down, there suddenly I feel some movement I start howling that it's coming out And I swear the neighbours must have thought I was giving birth to an exorcism Oh, it hurts so much Wait, I don't understand, I don't understand So she then goes home with her fisher And she bends open and says to her husband Look inside my bum and tell me if a poo's on its way out I don't really know what happened And then she starts screaming because he says, yes, you've got a poo.

33:03Or is she giving birth to something out of her ass? It's a poo coming out. Why would you ever want your husband to look at that? I don't physically get that. Can I, I can't possibly say what you said to me last night with my face cream. No. No, I'm being serious. Please. Okay, no. Please. Okay, I've, no, really, no. Okay, I've got one. From Caitlin, seriously, no. I give everything to this podcast, but shut up. From Caitlin. I moved out of my mum's to my dad's during the end of high school. I started college the following September. If my lesson started in the morning, my dad occasionally gave me a lift to college.

33:39This one morning, we were both in a rush to miss the morning traffic. And as we got into the car, I remember my dad trying to reconnect his phone to the car before we moved. And I thought, oh, come on, we're going to be late. What are you faffing about for? He got his phone connected in full volume, earth-shaking volume. And the climax of a porn video blared through the speakers. No. Literal screams and noises. Oh my God. His arms started flying everywhere, doing everything, but turn it off. No, no. That, for me, that's too much with my eye. I couldn't ever know. Oh. Not your dad. No. Oh my God.

34:16After flapping his arms and staring out the window, pretending it wasn't happening, it stopped and he drove me to college in silence. All of a sudden, he said, that wasn't porn, that was opera, and we burst out laughing. At least he saved it. Okay, I've got a wild story. Ready for this? I recently went on a hen do for my friend's wedding in this cute little village in Holland. Niche place to go on a hen do. I thought you were going to say France or... Holland, okay. Little village in Holland. We stayed at my friend's grandma's house for the weekend and one night we decided to hit the town. We ended up drinking a lot of wine and knocking back baby Guinness shots.

34:50Things took a turn and two of my friends started arguing after a few too many glasses. This gives you tea. This is what I like to hear. This is what you like. I was sharing a room with one of the girls involved in the argument, and while they were going back and forth in the other room, I couldn't sleep. I was feeling a little frisky, and I thought I'd pass the time by taking some sexy pics from my boyfriend back home. I was feeling good with my fresh tan and found this denim jacket lying on the bed, which I thought added some class to the pics. Here we go. Love this. But then, with the shouting getting louder, I figured I should check on them.

35:20So there I was, strutting out into the hallway wearing just a denim jacket and my naked self. Only thing was My friend's grandma clearly had the same idea No And we body slammed into each other in the hallway I was mortified as we just stared at each other in silence After what felt like hours of standing awkwardly I sprinted back to my room The denim jacket was quite short on me And left my bare bottom on show The next morning after everything calmed down I told my friends about the little mishap I showed them the jacket And that's when my friend said That's my grandma's denim jacket

35:56I found this cute little denim jacket It's just so good Because it's so what you do Just like Warching to the grandma Naked in her denim jacket The grandma's like Are you okay hon? I was so embarrassed Not only did the grandma See me naked But I had also been Wandering around her house In her jacket At 5am I was not able to look Grandma in the eye For the rest of the trip Obsessed I love that Okay I've got one Baby stories From Chloe Firstly, congratulations on your baby news How exciting, thank you so much I wanted to write to thank you both For distracting my mind over the last few months My baby girl Elsie was born on the 23rd of February Elsie's such a cute name 13 weeks early, weighing only 1 pound 10 ounces She's still in the NICU And we have another surgery to go before we get her home But through the darkest of times When I was told Elsie may not survive off the ventilator I listened to your podcast to drown out the beeps in chaos I cannot tell you how much It helped me put a smile on my face In the darkest of times Elsie is thriving She's now 17 weeks old Breathing on her own And now weighs 6 pounds 8 ounces Oh my god I've got goosebumps And this is along to your podcast with me We cannot wait to bring her home Big love to you guys You don't know how much you help people Oh god That's so cute I'm so happy for you Chloe If you're listening With your beautiful baby Elsie We adore you guys You are brilliant I'm so, so, so, so, so happy for you.

37:21And well done for like, that's so brave and so tough. Let's go, guys. Anyone else who's had a premsal baby, that's like really hopeful to listen to because that's like amazing to hear. And we just send you guys so much love and everyone who's having a tricky time, maybe during pregnancy, everyone who's had an amazing time during pregnancy, anyone who's struggling after pregnancy or before pregnancy and all those people who perhaps aren't so lucky as us and able to have a baby, Just sending you all love Sending you guys so much love See this is why we do it honey Like I'm not kidding you We do it together And it's fun and exciting But also That's so incredible That's everything We love you guys Yeah we love you guys Can you please keep sending these in And can you send us a photo of Elsie Send us a photo of Elsie We would love to see her And keep sending your messages in At nearlyparentspodcast You can slide into our DMs We see everything Or you can send us an email nearlyparents at jampopproductions.co.uk everything is in the show description so go and click on it we adore you guys that is the end of Listeners Messages

38:28So I have a little thing that I want to do now because obviously you have our sweet little baby in there I think we should start measuring the tummy and see how big it is and then we can compare it to different sizes What? To compare it oh you've gained this much around your waist now No, I don't want to do that I want to just measure it in terms of beauty Right? I just want to see how big it is And each week how big it gets Okay Are you ready for this? I'm ready Here we go Okay Apparently the way that you measure it is like Not round But length It's length So you have to pull this up Are you going to want to pull it up?

39:00No Okay, from there to there It is 30 It's 37 You're a school ruler You're a school ruler, honey 37 You're 37 You're a school ruler How does that make you feel? I don't know what that means. I don't know what I normally was. I'm so excited. Can't wait. Oh, my God. We're going to do it every week. Okay, can't wait. Okay, all right. Should we stop whispering? Yeah, let's stop whispering. Yeah, but now I've got a really fun game for you. Why are you whispering? I've got another game. Give it to me. Pregnancy, true or false. Give it to me. A newborn baby comes into the wild with more bones than an adult.

39:35True. Damn, yeah. True, but they eventually fuse together. A baby is born with 300 bones But by adulthood This is 206 That's interesting I like that I do too A small percent of babies Can be born with a full percent of teeth Yes that is true False What you think I'm going to breastfeed Whilst it's chomping on my boob That would be absolutely terrifying Hi cutie Full set of adult teeth In my face Also your big nashers My enormous nashers Babies can yawn and cry in the womb Yes, that is true True, babies can exhibit behaviours like yawning And potentially even crying Or at least facial expressions That resemble crying while in the womb Come on, my little one Your voice can change during pregnancy Yes True, research confirms that women's voices Not only change during pregnancy But the pitch lowers after birth What?

40:33Hello Hello, baby Why would you do that? Surely you want to be like, hello, my little baby. Not like, hello, what do you want? No, a piece of bread. I'm not going to feed my baby bread. Noob, I promise you guys. Feed your baby bread. 30 % of babies are born on their due date. 30 %? Yeah, true. False. 5 % of babies. What's the point of having one then? Because you need a due date. Because you need to aim towards a time. You can have an orgasm during childbirth. Yes, you can have that. True. This is known as an orgasmic birth. However, the evidence is largely anecdotal. One study estimates that it could be 0.3 % of childbirths.

41:19Well, you can have an orgasm while doing it. Right, well, I'm going to try and have an orgasmic birth. Can the men have an orgasm while... I don't think so. I think it'll be completely the opposite of whatever an orgasm is called to a man. Quick thing we need to talk about as well. I don't know if anyone else has this. Sophie is a changed person since moving into our new house. Let me give you an idea of what Sophie was like before we moved into our new house Sophie, before we moved into the new house Was, she liked keeping the bed clean and everything else clean But I would argue that she was a bit of a messy person Clean, but messy Clean, but messy And even she said this, when I'm away, that's when your messiness came out You let everything get out, everything just go messy All these different things around the place Cupboards open, everything, chaos Since moving into the new house, Sophie is anal with everything.

42:06Oh, yeah. She has told me this. Firstly, I can't wear shoes in the house. That's number one rule. In the new house, can't wear shoes. Not allowed to. I don't know why anyone would ever want to wear shoes. That's the first thing. I can't get into bed or touch or sit on sofas or do anything without having a shower after a long day. Absolutely. And I know that there will be a lot of people who also agree with me. Do you agree with her on that one? The third thing is She calls them Outdoor clothes If I'm wearing Outdoor clothes Which is like Everyday clothes I have to change them Before I hug her Filthy boy Right now Filthy boy What have you been doing Today in London Moving around Where have you been On my Vespa So you've sat Everywhere You've probably Gone to a pub No filth It's not filth It's filth London itself Which is a grubby Grubby place If we lived in the countryside It would be a very Different situation May I add Live by the seas Have a very different situation London's grubby.

43:00She's become so anal about it. There is something called, when you move into a house, called snagging, which is where little bits don't work and you have to take... Sophie is going around the whole house taking photos of every single little bit. I've sent 600 photos onto the snagging group. Everything. Just snagging this, snagging that, sending it across, sending it across. It is everything, isn't it? Everything's a snag. But give it to me. Are you the happiest person having moved in? I'm just so happy. Yeah, I really am. Really? And I'm so like happy we did the house how we did it and we put the time in and we like poured our life soul and all of our money into it because i'm really happy i'm glad that you're happy what is your favorite room in the house i just love our bedroom it's so zen like i feel so you know what's great about our house is like we've come from such a busy road like wherever it was so un-private we can say this we're living on portobello road living on portobello road which is like a massive tourist attraction in london there was constantly people smoking weed on my doorstep and now I walk out Is that why you used to hang out the window and try and get Yeah just inhale it Now I walk around and I'm just free as a bird You're free as a bird And I just could sleep in that room and not feel guilty that the world is going by outside And this is the beginning of our journey I know journey boy Again the foot's being headed to you Journey's end Come on Let's get onto the next bit Listen everybody that is the end of the episode this week because we could keep blabbering on but my wife she's tired I love you all so much thank you for listening and we'll see you next week Can you just we just want to say we do really thank you for everything from being on this journey with us the whole time.

44:30We're really excited about Disney. You guys made this happen. We love you so much. If you haven't subscribed to the show, please do. If you want to tell a friend about it, please do. If you want to send us a voice note, a message, anything at all, we also want to hear from you at nearlyparentspodcast on Instagram or nearlyparents at jampoproductions.co.uk. Send us a message. Before we go, we have a pregnancy tip. Weird pregnancy tip of the week. Keep sending these in because we want to hear more and more. And it's from Alice. Thank you, Alice. Invest in good breast pads before you start breastfeeding.

45:06While waiting for my milk to come in, I thought I'd play no bra Russian roulette. Suddenly my boobs were leaking everywhere and I've never felt more like a milking cow in my life. Wow. Can't wait for that to happen. Can't wait to be in the shower and it's like... I can't wait to actually drink it from the teeth. I'm going to like, if I have any free, I'm going to put it on my face. apparently it's like gold dust for certain okay we absolutely adore you guys keep sending in your pranksy tips your weird pranksy tips we want to hear from you 100 % we love you guys we're going to see you next week for another episode of Nearly Parents until then if you're getting engaged good luck if you're getting married we love you if you're having a baby good luck if you are renovating a house and moving in oh it's worth it in the end I promise we love you guys we love you goodbye goodbye

46:25We'll be right back. Get holiday guests ready at Wayfair.com or on the Wayfair app today.

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