WE’RE BACK... AND WE HAVE A BABY!

0:00Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the motherfucking podcast. It is... Newly Paris! Yay!

0:14Hello, I'm Jamie Lang. And I'm Sophie Lang. And now, we're Newly Paris! Oh, yeah we are, baby.

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2:24No, Sunday blues, because there's no Sophie and Jamie on a Monday. But we heard you, and we came in. Can we just say, and I'm going to say this down the camera, and you are too, honey, we freaking missed you. We missed you guys. We have so much to catch up on. I mean, we had a baby. He's upstairs. By the way, just to let everyone know, we actually are recording at our home. So if you hear a little bit of drilling, or you hear a little bit of something going on, turns out there's renovations around the place. But we're recording at home a little bit easier because we got Ziggy upstairs and we don't really want to be away from him.

2:58And truth be told, you should still be on paternity leave, paternity, maternity leave, but I've dragged you back to work. Get back in there, Sophie. Back to work. So that's why we're doing it in our home. But we are back and we are so excited. I am really excited. I'm really excited. And we're ready to roll. We're ready to run. We're ready to roll. Look, I'm just going to caveat as well before we even start this. Okay. I can't bear what you're about to say. I'm tired and I got a sore tooth. He's tired and he's got a sore tooth. And when Jamie's tired, he looks like weirdly at you and he'll make you feel uncomfortable.

3:34And I don't know if anyone, the team in the room noticed this, but he looks at you like there's something on your face. Like, are you not going to say something? And I'm like, mate, it's you who's tired and sketchy and weird right now. It's not me. I'm good. I slept. I have the sorest tooth in the world. Don't roll your eyes at me. I have the sorest tooth in the world. I'm so sick to death of this sore tooth. Every night for the last two nights I've been woken up when our baby is asleep. My tooth hurts. Can you just stroke my tooth? Yeah, I really need you to stroke my tooth because it's really sore.

4:05Get a grip. How many times do you complain about your back? My back is so sore. What do I do? Massage it. I put a ferragun on it. You go, oh, I'm tired. Get a grip. Get lost. Okay, so anyway, guys, we're back. Let's talk about it. at the birth how was it for you because i can tell you how it was for me the birth for me was um amazing the most magical thing in the world like it wasn't the most magical thing in the world because obviously it wasn't how i wanted it to go but it was incredible like it was still the best day of my life can i just we should talk about like just before the birth because when you were leading up to that you you got quite big kind of you were as in like you were you were wonderful but it was like you're you you you were how do I say this I was big I was bigger you were you went quite big didn't you and um there was a point when you thought you were giving birth wasn't there I don't really remember it you'll have to say it okay so you were feeling very pregnant at the time and you needed to go to the loo I'd done nine months of being constipated nine whole long heavy months of not going to the day it's how it happens and then I needed the loo just before i gave birth yeah so sophie needed the loo just before she and it was a shock because i needed the loo in so long yeah so what you did so i thought as i was going to the loo what if this isn't me needing a number two and what if this is me needing to push out a baby and i couldn't i couldn't differentiate whether i was pushing out a low situation or it was a baby's head coming out because I just how big was it it's not that it was big it's just I've forgotten what the need to go to the loo was so you thought you were it's not that it was big okay let me clarify it's not that it was big I just didn't forgot about the sensation of pushing yeah so what you did is you then were freaking out so bad so you took a selfie of your arsehole to see if there was a baby coming out yeah and it wasn't a baby it wasn't you took a selfie of your poo yeah not of my poo of my backpack just to see where I was pushing from if it was coming out my arsehole or it was everything felt numb down there and I was just pushing and then I thought because when you actually need to push for a baby it actually does feel like you need to push for a shit does it really that's exactly do you not remember i kept saying guys i need to do a poo to the nurses and they were like when we're in the hospital they were like no you don't i was like trust me something's going on it was like you're pooing out your vagina does it actually yes just quickly when you when you took a selfie of your poo did you did you do you do you took a selfie i took a selfie and then what you saw it and it was like okay there's no baby it looked like something like when you were at school like the porn websites that everyone used to set around it looked like something that would have gone around on a group chat what a poo coming out it wasn't a poo coming out it was like just like not your butthole it was just not nice like no one needs to know how did you do the selfie did you go i went backwards you went behind i couldn't go under my stomach wouldn't allow that did you put flash on i've never ever seen my arse off in my life so that was new to me and my resorted i was like oh my god that's what happened before the whole hospital thing and i know like if you've seen our show raising chelsea by the way thank you guys so much for watching it we really hope you liked it and enjoyed it.

7:51You kind of seen what happened, but that whole experience was amazing. And your pain threshold is unbelievable. Guys, it's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. They linked me up and they were like, what are you feeling? I was like, I don't think these are contractions. They're just like period pains. They were like, they're off the rectal on contractions. Sophie was just like, Sophie was doing this. I promise you, she was just going, oh okay it wasn't it you were you were i was just going like that like that well so i got that epidural jab right at me when i could i got told i couldn't do a water bath and then i don't know why i was like fuck it all right give me the drugs if i'm not it's not gonna be like earth mama on a bed to me the thought of doing no drugs on a bed with no water to relieve the pain is not something I'm up for personally who does to you if you are the water I was like oh earthy in the water swimming around push push baby comes out bed it's just not earthy I'm linked up anyway so I was like well give me the drugs we thought it was going to be like me with like a sound bath Sophie in this hot tub and I was going to be with my big Buddha.

9:08And I was going to go and you were just going to go take it out. It was not like that. You got the gown put on and you were... I know I looked like a worm. You were so pregnant at the time that your gown was half off and you were sitting on the edge of the bed and they were like... I'm a thriller. It was more like Chappenard. Back there again. Because you were like this. What were you doing? I was in the corner. Scoffing your face with curry. I was eating a lot. And then you had to bend over. And the needle that goes into your back was so long. And as a husband, you feel like you can't protect you.

10:01The whole thing was just a hell of a lot. And then it didn't work. They were like, none. And I was like, no, not numb. So we had to take it out, rejig it in. Were you not scared at any point? Be honest. Yeah, I was scared when we were doing the C-section. But I don't know why I was so scared because I'm not someone who's particularly scared of surgery. I'm like, slice me open. Can I just say, Sophie is like the bravest person I've ever come across in my life. And all women, I think, are just so brave. But I've only experienced my wife in labor. Honey, you were so brave. It was crazy. because what happened was this well you can explain because you you were the one that went through it what happened so what happened was i kept thinking i need to push in the midway it's like i don't really think you're that dilated to push and so tarik our ob came in the doctor and look in and he was like yeah he laughed i looked as well yeah you looked down you're like hell mary she needs to push okay can i can i say what i saw when i looked down why not just tell everyone what you think my vagina looked like when I was in labour I wanted because I love all that right I you love looking at labour no it's just like the most beautiful thing in the world I had a look down your leg I had a look down because your legs were like up on the bed and I had a look down to to to look in to see what was going on because you said I feel like I'm sitting on something and it just didn't look like what I it normally looks like so I was a bit like oh something's going on here it looked like an angry tarantula that has that has you know when a tarantula is about to eat a fly oh my god it looked like it was a mouth open you know where the tarantula goes also like there's no hair so i don't know why you keep saying tarantula because they're black and hairy there was a little bit that was absolutely honey honey i'm so sorry I'm so sorry.

11:53I am so sorry. There was no hair. So what you're saying is a complete last of luck. Honey, there was... No, there wasn't. I know for a fact. Honey, there was a... I spent days and days making sure there wasn't any hair because I... Harry spent days and days trying to find his way through. It was like... It was bald. It might have been open because a baby was trying to come out of it, but it was bald. And there's nothing wrong with having hair. Hairy vagina So I don't know why you're shaming me When I'm giving birth On the hairs of my vagina I'm not shaming you It was wonderful I was just trying to say Everyone gets an image When they're listening or watching this Oh please Make them think of my vagina As a hairy tarantula An open mouth about to eat Go and Google now Tarantula about to attack Now every time And then imagine He's head above it Magda I'm doing it Have a look I'm doing it

12:54Let's see it. Let's see it. Let's see it. Quite lovely if you ask me and not open it at all. Quite cute, I think. Quite cute. That looks just like a sweet little spider. Yeah, yeah. T and compact. It was. No, you were wonderful. It was wonderful. It was wonderful. Anyway, so then our doctor came in and had a look and was like, oh, do you want the good news or do you want the bad news? And he said, the good news is that you're eight centimetres dilated. And the bad news is that his arm was through, right? So we had to have an emergency C-section. That was intense. It was very quick because it was like, this is what I would recommend.

13:32And then it was like within the space of a second, like we have to do it. Scrubs are on, wheel through. They were jabbing me with like numbing and trying to numb me all over. That was the scariest part was when we were in the room on the bed and they kept saying like to the anesthetist, Tara kept saying like, is she numb? And they were spraying me with this cold spray. And you could feel it? And I could feel it. And then he was like, we really have to go now. But I was taking a long time for my body to get numb. And so they'd spray, she was like five more minutes. They'd spray me again. I was like, I can still feel it.

14:06And he was like, we've got to go. And in my head, I was thinking like, I'm just going to say I don't feel it. So they get the baby out. Cause I don't care if I can feel it. I just wanted him out safe. and then they and then they did and then they sprayed and i could still feel it on my boob but my tummy i couldn't feel it and i said i can feel it on my boob but i can't on my tummy and she was like go and then they come there was the most emotional thing i've ever experienced in my entire life yeah it is it's like but also just being in like an operation room like a theater room with everyone in their scrubs and they're moving so quickly and like we're rushed in and it's like you know like that in itself is intense our doctor dr sarah came in listening to music just strolled in, just like...

14:47No, he was like in the zone. He put his music on and he was like... He was unbelievable. He was unbelievable. That's him being like, I'm in the zone. But he was getting panicked when I was not getting numb. And that's all I remember being like, oh my God, just fucking numb up, body. You were going to take it. But that, I think, is why I was so numb for so many hours. I did not feel my legs, honestly, for 24 hours. I was like... I can feel my tummy. I was like plodding myself. like are you serious because I think they OD'd me do you know I remember I OD'd me they OD'd me up I one of my biggest memories is us calling our friends Toby and Molly when we came out I have I was as high as a guy on the gas net no on all the morphine and like numbing stuff they'd put in me I was like oh I had sticking in my arms and I don't remember what I said like I was like really Really?

15:45Yeah. The moment when Ziggy gets taken out, by the way, he gets taken out of your tummy, quite like... You're by the neck. It wasn't like a glamorous, but it was like... Oh my God, it was amazing. He was like wriggled out, like wriggled. He came out and I literally could see exactly what he looked like. Even though you were like, oh, he came out quite like blue and like squash. I was like, I saw exactly what he looked like. What do you mean? Explain that. Like I just saw that he was my son. I can't explain. Like I was just like, oh my god that's the face that I just know he would have are you serious yeah you knew it straight away I just knew straight away I was like oh my god to me I was like even though looking at Marco like he looked a little bit squashed and blue it really squashed and blue blood all open I was like beyond perfect and stunning but also when he got he got taken out of this and when the moment that you hear his cry you're like it's like it's it's like I can't even it's like ecstasy you're like what and then he was like and then he got handed to you and you were you were like earth mama you were having just had your tummy ripped open and everything on you were just like held like this and you were like crying and i was a bit like taken aback i was like this thing has just been taken from your body and like what was it like for you fucking mental i feel like you've really been like taken about by the whole birth experience like my god i don't think i came down after in for about two months you can't be serious i'm i'm not i don't think you've still come down from it you are a bit kooky since that experience i would say i think it's perhaps changed you i i like i'm sensitive right so i was like there was so many feelings going on it was just the whole thing was magical what my favorite bit was it's like you you're like the birth is in raising jealousy but like you can't actually hear what everyone's saying and uh and my favorite thing is afterwards jamie goes thank you thank you everybody thank you so much like you've just spoken at a conference just like it you're like thank you very much thank you tarik thank you anisys thank you everyone thank you very much baby's just been born that's all that comes out your mouth yeah and then you hear me being like did you have to cut my tummy all the way up and she's like no they must be like be he's too great no not me if you've seen the show as well not me going like the sweetest moment i'm i'm because by the way the people who filmed um our birth the person who filmed the birth was the anesthetist we didn't even realize they were filming it and so we didn't know we were being filmed and i was going to honey you're my hero saying all these beautiful things and i was like honey i bet you can't wait to meet our boy you then go shh you shushed me at that moment I think it is in the show and the reason being is because you were very sweet and but you were going over and over and over again you're gonna be okay you're gonna be okay you're about to meet your boy and I just needed to get in the moment I you can feel stuff it's not numb like there was tugging him it felt like my whole stomach had been cut open and he was rooting about up by my broods and I was like I love you dearly and I I'm grateful that you are telling me sweet nothings in my ear, but you must be quiet so I can concentrate on breathing.

18:58The great thing about the hospital was the gas and air that I was chugging down. That was... Oh, my God, we love the gas and air. Jamie was nailing the gas and air to the point I was embarrassed because I felt like they must be able to see how much you take in your tank. And I was like three centimeters and the whole tank was gone. Oh, my God. It was like, you okay? The whole thing was glorious, guys. That's all I can say. and now we have our beautiful boy, Ziggy. He's just the bounce. This was the strangest part about it. Sophie then fell in love with our doctor, Dr. Tarek, to the point where we had to go and see him afterwards for like one...

19:32I don't want to say this because what a Tarek watches there. Tarek is going to frigging love this. No, he's not. What's he going to do when I have my second baby? He's going to say, I can't work with you. It's inappropriate. So you're not actually in love with him? I'm not actually in love with him. I love him. I love him. You, you, you. I love it. When, when we left him for the last time and we left, Sophie walked out and she went, what do you mean? I don't, do I not get to see him again? It was so sad. We went for like my six week checkup and he was like, right, all good. So, good luck. I was like, well aren't you upset?

20:07Cause I am. Like we have a bond and a connection and you couldn't give a fuck. He didn't even look up from his paper. He was like, have a nice have a sobbing what it's called something though isn't it it's like Stockholm syndrome it's not Stockholm syndrome but there is something with it but um speak of which though honey um because I know how much you love Tarek and how amazing it is and he was an incredible doctor in loads of ways and just actually champ we have a little message for you oh god would you like to hear it oh god hi Sophie hi Jamie congratulations you guys i can't believe it's already more than four months since you welcomed ziggy into the world i guess it's a bit like trying to control a runaway train at the moment a small baby sleepless nights dirty nappies you guys were brilliant sophie it seemed to me like you took to being a mother like a duck to water um i'm sure of course it's been tough uh but i hope you're managing to find the time to enjoy it uh things change very quickly at this stage and don't be wishing any of it away because actually in some ways this is the easier time so you get bigger children, bigger problems as they say it's an absolute privilege to be involved it always is to be to be part of something as special as having a baby and I hope you guys are having a wonderful time take care oh he's so cute isn't he the nicest so lovely, we loved him Tarek I don't know how to do it but making the heart slide he's so sweet he's got the most lovely boys right oh my god Tarek listen you absolute stud by the way I'm going to say we don't know if Tarek is single or in a relationship we don't know his marital status but we were at one point we were so in love with him we were like maybe we should set him up with your mum I was like he needs to read my step yeah yeah that's what you were like i think he was saying oh my god that's why he didn't look up when he said bite me he was like just leave go okay so ladies and gentlemen that is the first first act act one of your brand new monday night delight of newly parents and of course in our little show that we love to do we love to bring you guys along with us on our journey So we're doing the answer.

22:37I'm waiting myself out with this. We are. It's time for... Listener's Messages.

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24:47If you've been putting it off, you're not alone. But timely screening matters. Let's talk about what isn't talked about. Talk to your provider or request Cologuard Plus online, Rx only.

25:23to wear all day and the point comes in so many gorgeous colors patterns and textures discover the point at rothys.com that's r-o-t-h-y-s.com okay i'm starting you ready for this yeah it's from matthew maddie no no

25:53I can't bear it. That's it. I like the chicken. I love Jamie. I like the chicken. Why do you eat the chicken? Because I'm passionate. Hey, man. I'm really strong. Hey, man. Hey, chica. How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? Okay, right here we go.

26:18How are you? Hey, hello. How are you?

26:25hey hey hey hombre come on mistake

26:35okay this is from mateo welcome back james sophie i want to share a story with you from when me and my then girlfriend were about 16 i would frequently stay at her parents house during school holidays as i lived an hour away for obvious reasons i made just i was made to sleep on the couch but did that stop us from getting frisky? Hell no! While our parents would be sitting on the opposite couch, oh my god, we would have a blanket over us and would be fooling around. However, while of an evening I was getting the best hand job a young lad could ever dream of. You are joking with the parents there.

27:18And bam, finish within three minutes is what it does. Three minutes is ageous. Sorry. Let's just play this out. Parents sitting there, you're like this for three minutes.

27:33Just sitting there for three minutes. Exhausted? How are you exhausted? We headed our separate ways. So I fell asleep on another couch. The next morning I woke up, got dressed and left for work. After an hour passed, I got a frantic call from my girlfriend saying, my mum has just found your stuff on the couch and pillows. She's making me clean it up. My heart raced all day. I was genuinely considering just ghosting her and going home. But no, I faced the consequences and went back to her place after work. That night, after her dad got home, I could hear them arguing in one of the bedrooms as I sat in the lounge.

28:04Thankfully, no one said a word to me after that. My then girlfriend is now my wife. And we have two beautiful girls. It's been 17 years since the incident and I still cringe. that is a happy ending if i've ever seen one i'm sorry like they were just giving a handjob with the mom and dad right where you are there i told you the story of a person at my school no i must have told you this i never told you this my my we were when we were younger we were talking we were discussing like because you do with boys we're discussing about the places where you had had like what they would call like a danger wank right i find this danger wank so disturbing we were talking about the times people had a danger and i don't believe anyone has a danger wank other than you no we're talking about danger my friend adam he said he had a danger wank when they drove down to cornwall and he did he was in the boot of the car and he did it in the boot of the car his parents were driving which is quite weird my friend milo i've never heard you talk about adam or milo my friend milo said he had a wank on a flight to thailand in between his brother and sister and in economy and everyone gave that reaction we're like it's pretty weird like is this true yes you and producer ewan is looking for more tv and says no i i i wouldn't be doing that but maybe adam and milo are cut from a different cloth from my ewe where have you no no not episode one i do need to know you because i need to know like is it just jamie's like is it the breed of school that he was going to like is it the public school boarding schools who were doing deja ranks in all the weird creepy places yeah we weren't doing that we weren't doing that at my school i think that's a boarding school thing for sure so where did you do your first deja rink then i know you liked it did you liked it anywhere that your mom would call you jamie and so then you would like race to do it before your mum would get children which i find it really i've learned that in my life yeah you said i said to you what once what's a danger one can you said oh when it's when your mum's like about to walk in and i that is always to with the mum no mommy that is a danger way that's just giving broidy and slip if you ask me no a Danger wank is when you go, you start to masturbate and then you go, Mum!

30:26Oh, that's what he said. And you have to finish before she arrives. I've heard that. Yeah, I have heard of that. That is true. I've not done it again. Why would anyone find that orgasmic? Because it's thrilling. The idea of being caught. So when you go safe downstairs, that's what you're doing in the upstairs bathroom. that's actually unbelievable technique because i haven't seen that technique before all right you go honey okay right i've got a love story hi sophie and jamie i wanted to share a story from when me and my husband were in just out of our honeymoon phase we were heading out for a night out with some friends and we were in the bathroom getting ready together he was out the mirror putting a splash of aftershake on and i was on the loo i just got to the point where i felt comfortable enough doing pretty much anything in front of him so i was getting on with my business but as I looked over to him I saw him staring up at me and an absolute shock horror said are you putting lipstick on your vagina what turns out what he thought was lipstick was actually a shiny plastic tampon applicator I was his first girlfriend and he grew up without sisters so he'd probably never seen a tampon before 10 years on we now have two little girls and our going out days are long behind us but he's grown into the perfect girl dad I'm so proud of how far he's calm.

31:45Do you know what? That's so funny. That's so sweet. Generally, I know that feeling. I grew up with sisters and I grew up with a mum, but I remember being really, really young. I must have been, and hopefully this is not embarrassing to my mum, but I remember being really, really young. And, you know, parents would walk around naked all the time, whatever. I would be naked because that's just what we were as a family, right? And I must have been like five years old. And I remember my mum coming out of the bedroom and she was naked and she had a string coming out of her thing and I remember being terrified thinking it was like a mouse it was like oh my god do you think she knows there's a mouse in her vagina and I was really taking it and we I'd never forgotten it there you go at least he thought it was lipstick not you rubbing a mouse up your vagina okay I got a birth story from anonymous oh gosh hi Jamie and Sophie I'm happy you're back.

32:41Thanks guys. Now Ziggy's here. I thought it'd be time to share the story of my second baby's birth. I had a low risk pregnancy, so chose to give birth to my son at home. Me and my partner are quite private and we were looking forward to welcoming our baby at home with our first baby looked after by my in-laws who live nearby. Everything was going well. My contractions came on quite quickly, but from my perspective, I was handing them well and breathing through. I was nearly ready to push when my partner had a loud, persistent banging on the door. he rushed to open it to find two police officers who had been called to reports of domestic disturbance no ways he explained to them that i was giving birth they took one look in the living room where a midwife had her arm halfway inside me in the birthing pool and was satisfied that he was telling the truth and left us to it five minutes later there was another knock on the door from my in-laws with my firstborn in tow turns out another neighbor had called my mother-in-law and told them that the police were in the house and she had rushed over in panic.

33:39My tip is this. If anyone is planning a home path, give your neighbours a heads up or you might end up with an unwanted audience. Great. Ed. Vice. Great. You wouldn't survive the home path. Yeah, I would. Are you kidding me? I would know everything what to do now. Honey, I would know everything. I had like 10 people cutting me open and you still couldn't deal with it. That was wild. When Sophie's waters broke, firstly there was a there was an orange bucket what's that an orange bucket put underneath right because i was just picturing i was like where's it coming from was i hanging off the bed you were your legs were off the end of the bed and so there was like a gap there was a gap and your waters broke and i was down close to it when your waters broke the only way i can describe your waters breaking is it's like when you go on the log flu at thought park it was like this I was gushing out of hours.

34:33I had to get my waters broken because I was contracting loads but my waters wouldn't break weirdly naturally so we hook and eyed them. Got a little hook and... And hooked it and it came out the water. It was like insane and then I got a little photo and a key ring.

34:53You do that as it comes. Tarek was there with the camera and I was like... it's not okay i've got another one okay are you ready yeah hey jb and sophie and this is from sarah congratulations on your beautiful baby boy i'm so excited for you both to be back on the podcast and to hear all about your parenting stories from this wild and magical time i wanted to tell you about my own amazing mom jen and how she still inspires me every day growing up my dad passed away when i was four due to complications from surgery even though i was the only child in my class who didn't have a dad. I never felt like I was missing hours.

35:29My mum was so incredible on her own. She showed up for me every day and did everything she could to give me the best childhood I could possibly have. Whether it was dressing up as my favourite cartoon character for my birthday or crying with me as I navigated my first teenage heart rate, it was always me and her against the world. During the pandemic, when my partner and I were expecting a little girl of our own, all our world shattered where my mum was diagnosed with no guys it's too much was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer we were completely devastated she was told she just had a few months left but she defied all the doctor's expectations and hung on just long enough to meet our little girl who we named jenny after her incredible grandma sadly mum died on the 3rd of mark 2022 just a few weeks after baby jenny was born as she grows up i see more of her grandma in her every single day and i am so so in awe of her already being a parent is the hardest job in the world but so rewarding and i just know that ziggy will grow up to be just as proud of you as like that got me not on the first episode not the first episode that's really that's like the saddest one we've ever got first episode back and you've got us congratulations on little jenny and your mom she sounds like she sounds like she was a hero on that note we love hearing your stories we love them we really want to hear them we want your listeners messages that's a huge part of the show we especially want to hear your voice notes this series okay so you can send us a whatsapp message on the number which is in the show description and we can play your voice notes because we want to hear those too you can also dm your stories at newly parents podcast newly Parents podcast, or you can email us newlyparents at jampalproductions.co.uk.

37:21Everything is in the show description. Ladies and gentlemen, that is the end of listeners' messages. By the way, Sophie ate her placenta. I did. Gobble, gobble, toil and trouble. Not only did she eat her placenta, her placenta was so big, it looked like a squashed octopus, and some man turned up that I've never seen before with a box and shoveled it into a box and took it away. And then Sophie ate her placenta in pill form. Yeah. And every morning, Jamie was like, do I get the placenta too? I was like, no, you don't. My thing is this, is what I'm a bit worried about with the eating of the placenta.

37:58You have no idea if it was your placenta or someone else's placenta. I do know it was mine. How do you know? Because they would have put Sophie and Boo on it. Could have got mixed up. Well, then they could have mixed up Ziggy. No, because what? How on earth were they mixed up Ziggy? Can't you mix up babies? Yeah, they did. They had mixed up babies before. They've mixed up babies before. But Ziggy got handed to you. Whose hair is on your top hair? Could have been someone else's hair that got implanted into your hair past bar. What? I don't know how that tangent... What do you mean? Is that really your hair?

38:29Or was it another bloke's hair that was plucked out and on a tray and they stabbed it back into your forehead for you? You will never know. just the same with I'll never know I took the wrist and I gobbled it up and I felt no fucking different it didn't have to be shit all it just stank that's what it did the pills fucking stank I was like every time I opened the lid I was like and I had oil I rubbed in my placenta onto my skin it's just there was baby creams with placenta in it that I rubbed on the ciggy snappy I will say he does have phenomenal skin yeah he does because he's a baby no lots of babies get like eczema and yeah but i have phenomenal skin you do yeah i have really nice soft skin he's got my skin you do have nice little skin yeah yeah i tell you what else was stank was you your your gas when your gas when you were pregnant and you absolutely they smelled like they smelled like Savi's gas Smelt like a happy meal No It is No I'm not doing that I can talk about poo But talking about farting I think is so gross And icky And honestly I'm not having it Everyone thinks They've got a tarantula vagina They think that I've got A lot coming out of my bum That I take a photo of And now they think That I fart happy meals At McDonald's I'm not having it Like it's just not happening I have a bald Nice Petite vagina Tight now Because I had a C-section and you didn't even have to come out.

40:06I have bull. There's no hairiness. I don't fart. And I absolutely don't poo. Yeah. And if I did poo, it would be swollen. When you were a little bit gassy, it was like someone would pull a Happy Meal and it just went, hello. They would just go, it was like they quickly, they were like, I was like, is that a Happy Meal? Really nostalgic smell. Just stop it because I'm not like that. I'm really not. So we have a little thing we're going to call the judgment jar. Okay. We've got to think each week of something that the person has done that week that has annoyed us. Okay. We're going to discuss it.

40:40We're going to argue it out. And then we're going to put it in the jar and move on. Okay. Does that make sense? And what? And then the jar just festers with all of our complaints in it. And one day when we're really annoyed at each other, we can peel them back up to remind ourselves. Yeah. You're going to go first. What is going in the judgment jar, you big old tarantula? What are you writing? No, no. She's written something and underlined it. You're saying your breath or something. You're a liar. Okay, he's not actually. But you tell porcupines and I'll tell you why. Are you joking? Okay, let me rephrase that.

41:13Sorry, this is like a big thing. Let me just explain. Okay. What you are is you're a people pleaser. And by people pleasing, you let people down. We're going on a holiday that I've been gagging to go on. And lo and behold, I'm like this date, this date, this date. you know we're all walking around jamie's fucking diary and then last minute we get my sister and her husband involved you know they brought a baby everyone's taking time sorry guys i can't come can we just move the dates no we've moved the dates yeah because everyone works around you you big liar okay you're big old okay fine so me being a liar is going in the judgment job okay well what else would you call no okay fine you are a complainer as well are you complain about everything mama are you joking mama my one that i'm gonna put in the jar is when we it's when we have an argument so we get so riled up and she goes look at you you little angry man you little angry man oh look you're such a little angry man and it really hurts me.

42:23I'm so sorry. And I'm calling me a little angry man. I'm so sorry, but you look like a really little angry man. No, you can't. Like, you get so angry, but for some reason, you always look littler when you're angry. So I'm like, oh my God, you're such a little angry man. You're like a little borrower who's just raging. No, you've got to stop saying it because it's so upsetting. Okay, you are a big happy man. Okay, honey, these are going in the judgment jar, we're doing it each week they're going in and hopefully we just move past we fold it up we move it past and then we don't talk about again in the judgment jar it goes right now before we end the show we want to uh just say firstly to you guys who have come back from nearly weds to newly words to nearly parents now newly parents to all of you have been on this journey hey guys thank you so much for continuing on and we really hope you enjoy this next chapter it's going to be loads different things.

43:18We're going to have so much fun doing this. And we're so excited that you keep coming back and joining us. And we hope we entertain your Mondays all the time. We have so many exciting things that we're going to do, which is just really great. And always remember, you can get in touch with us at newlyparentspodcast on Instagram, or you can send us an email, newlyparents at jamppoproductions.co.uk. You can also voice note us on our WhatsApp. Everything's in the show description. So go and check it out. Now, before we end the show, what we want to do is we want to end it with story time. So whether you're driving your car, Maybe you're putting your babies to bed.

43:49Maybe you're in the pregame and you're ready to freaking go out and sing some shots. Or maybe you're off to work. Whatever it is you're doing, we're going to do story time. Okay. So this week, our bedtime story, right? It's completely riffing. It's about Sleeping Beauty refusing to wake up because her husband is so annoying. Oh. Okay. So I'll kick it off. Once upon a time, there was a wonderful princess called Sleeping Beauty. But everyone knew her as Sophie. And she lived in a beautiful castle, way, way, way in the hills, in a beautiful house that her husband had slaved away for with his bare, bare hands to help build it.

44:28And her husband liked to say he'd slayed away, but in fact, he just made her do all the jobs. And she plaited her hair and mopped the floors and cooked him dinner whilst he complained about his tooth. day and night and day and night and day and night and now what you don't know about old Sleeping Beauty old? yeah, old about Sleeping Beauty is that she had a wicked, wicked temper wicked, wicked temper and every single morning her wonderful husband who was so sprightly would come in and say morning, morning, morning, morning And she would cry herself at his sleep because she was so tired because she had had to listen to him talk about his tooth.

45:26All day and all night and all day and all night. He would say, shush, let me rest for just one moment. But he would, wah, wah, and point at his little tooth all day and all night and all day. The husband came over to Sleeping Beauty in the morning and said, Wake up, honey. Wake up, honey. And she gasped at his breath. It was so strong and blew her off her socks and knocked her out. In fact, she fell back to sleep for 100 more years. The end. Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to see you next week for another episode. Don't forget to subscribe to our show, to follow us, to check out our social medias on YouTube at Everything.

46:14We love you so much. We love you guys. But don't forget, if you're getting married. Good luck. If you're getting engaged. Oh, baby, you go for it. If you're getting married. Oh, good luck again. If you're getting balls. Oh, sana prima, baby. And if you're single ready to mingle. Hola, chica, como esta? We love you. See you next week. Goodbye.

47:14We'll see you next time. information impacted by Experian Boost. See Experian.com for details.

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