Have you got more juice in your Minge Lane tank?

0:00Your heart can tell you a lot about your health. Apple Watch Series 12 measures your heart rate every five seconds with the most advanced heart rate sensing in an Apple Watch. So your vitals app, now with heart rate variability, could tell you when something is off. And your readiness score can let you know when to rest and when to push. Hear the story in every heartbeat with Apple Watch Series 12. For general wellness purposes only, not intended for clinical use or to detect, diagnose, monitor or treat medical conditions. requires iPhone 11 or later. Therapy's biggest impact doesn't show up in some dramatic breakthrough.

0:34It shows up in the smallest moments. You bite your tongue instead of escalating. You put your phone down instead of firing off that text. You say what you actually mean instead of what would hurt someone else the most. Nobody applauds those moments, but they quietly change your life. That's what growing feels like. And that's exactly what Grow Therapy is here for. Grow is therapy that works, covered by insurance. Sessions average$21 with insurance, and some pay as little as$0, depending on their plan. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality, licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends.

1:18You can search by what matters, like insurance, specialty, identity, or availability. And you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average. See if you could pay as little as$0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash ACAST. That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

1:58Greetings, everybody. Happy Mondays all round. Today, it is the good ship Eve and Fee sailing out of port again. Destination unknown. How are you, Eve? Hi, Fee. I'm good, thank you. How are you? Yes, I'm very well. So, Jane has gone up to Liverpool to be with Raimondo for this week. So, Eve and I will be manning the helm. Is that the right expression? I've got a slightly fuzzy head at the moment. It's Monday morning. I think it has to be the right expression. Let's just say that. Everybody knows what we mean. And it will be lovely to have you on board for the rest of the week. We will just keep chuntering and chugging along, won't we?

2:36Yes, as we do. Yeah. Now, high excitement in the Scylla department, my mum's neck of the woods. She's four miles away from the arrest outside IAF Fairford. She's not the farmer who was driving down the dark country lane in the middle of the night with her husband asleep next door to her. After a party. Yeah, it's an important detail that's not been reported enough in the press. She was obviously the designated driver. And good for her, because not only was she driving her asleep husband, and let's just say he was tired. Yes, I'm sure. We're not going to suggest that he was... Big work week. Yeah, but he very much doing man things.

3:17Yes. Man things on the farm. I think she's the farmer, isn't she? And she was also dropping off a friend. But she had the perspicacity to think, No, there's something dodgy going on. And I was amazed, actually, that she phoned the Ministry of Defence line first. But didn't. And they didn't pick up. Naughty, naughty. So she then phoned the police and she may have averted an absolutely massive tragedy. Yeah, you have to be processing and taking in a lot of information and then making solid deductions. Yes, really quickly, in the middle of the night, down a dark country lane on your own, because the men in the car have fallen asleep.

3:57but just phenomenal, actually. And also, she doesn't want to be named, and good for her. It's the kind of thing that I think a lot of us would just drive away and convince ourselves, actually, no, no, no, even though I have a weird feeling, it's not actually anything to do. I'm just going to go home and keep myself to myself. Well, I think I'd be absolutely terrified, and I think she did see, so she saw these three vans, big white vans down a dark country lane, slightly blocking a junction. Everybody around RAF Fairfoot has been told to watch out for odd behaviours and that's why they have this Ministry of Defence line.

4:30So she thought that that was odd and then when she was driving back down the lane that she hadn't intended to at first take, she saw some men by the side of the road. Some of them had balaclavas on and disappeared off into the woods. But I just would have been bricking myself so much. It's so unsettling, yeah. Yeah, and I just would dial 999 straight away, which turns out everybody should just dial 999 straight away because if the Minister of Defence aren't going to answer that line, there's absolutely sod all point in having it. It's a slightly worrying thing, isn't it? On a Friday night, they're at a party.

5:02But what an amazing woman. I bet she's an absolutely brilliant farmer. I bet she can birth lambs. I bet she keeps small piglets in the bottom right-hand part of the agar. And I bet the local WhatsApp group chat was lit up. Yeah, what a lady. I wonder at which point her husband woke up. I know. So have I missed something? No done. No done. Back to sleep, don't worry. Anyway, let's not actually cast aspersions because I'm sure they take it in turns to do the designated driving and the spotting of major, major, potentially horrendous terrorist attacks, allegedly. So my mum, though, obviously she lives on her own and she is in her 80s and she's a redoubtable force, But, you know, it is frightening to think that you, through absolutely no fault of your own, lie in a line of danger.

6:02And, you know, I think that we all need to have a bit of a think about that at the moment, don't we? And how many things are maybe being thwarted around you that we don't always know about? Yes, that's a very good point, young Eve. and do you not think that sometimes in order to really concentrate our minds about the threats that are out there it might be helpful to know a bit more yeah about what gets stopped because sometimes i think when politicians talk about you know the threat from russia we don't really understand what that is because the images that we see of the violence against ukraine can still feel like they're a long way away.

6:42And we are separated, you know, by a sea at the very least. But I think actually if we did know some of the things that evil, nasty people have planned that the security services have saved us from, it would make us realise, wouldn't it? It's not fires in the sky, it's four miles away from your 80-year-old mother. Yes, no, definitely, definitely, definitely. There's so much talk about prepping at the moment as well, isn't there? Good job Jane's not here. I know, I know. So does it fall on slightly deaf ears for the young? Is your shared household got a special prep cupboard? We absolutely do not.

7:20No, I think it does fall on quite deaf ears. Yeah, I don't know if there's maybe a little bit of a head in the sand. I don't know what it is, but it definitely isn't something that's, it's not a conversation that's happening in my circles. No, and I do worry for your generation. Well, you should. because apart from anything else, you're just going to be so hungry. You know, you often are with the blood sugar level crashing a little bit on the Monday mornings and you won't be able to just, you know, pop out for a pot noodle. No, although pot noodles would make quite good prep food. No, they wouldn't because they'd need hot water.

7:58Have you ever tried to make a pot noodle with just warmish water from a bathroom tap? I actually have. and it just doesn't quite work no you have to wait for ages for it to break down and then there's still just grit in the bottom we've all been there darling what's a bonding moment this has turned out to be it's a low moment so now you've got to get things uh you've got to get things that are okay to eat cold and actually when we talked about this before on times radio we had a that properly, properly peak Times Radio moment when we were discussing what alcohol you should have in your prep cupboard and somebody called in to say you should definitely have red wine because obviously the white wine wouldn't be properly chilled.

8:46So I'll just give that to you for free. Fair point. That's great. Right, so we're here. We're here for you. and as Imogen points out in an email, we are here for it. All this week, we remain Jane and Fee at Times.Radio and obviously we send Ray loads and loads of love and we hope that Jane and Alison are doing all right and we will keep you posted. This one then from Imogen who says, hello Jane and Fee, I just want to thank you for creating such a safe space. Now this is what the safe space is for. It's another conversation about plumbing and she does enter email by saying that she sent it, safe in the knowledge, that Asfi says you're here for it, and we very much are.

9:31I was mildly berating myself for mentally drafting an email which responded to the discussion about Victorian plumbing. I live in a large, slightly oddly designed house built in 1893, and the option of putting in an en suite is complicated and made very expensive by the fact that the pipes would have to run the length of the house up in the loft before joining the soil pipe on the other end of the house, both a macerator and a big poo slide would be required. No other options available. I mean, that is, it's almost worth just having a commode. Also, Imager moves swiftly onto public footpaths. My husband is an ordnance survey fanatic and we've spent many hours over the years hacking through brambles on unused public footpaths and completely ignoring private signs where people decide that they don't like the proximity of a public footpath bridleway to their property.

10:21It happens more often than you think, and it is really annoying. Now, that was off the back of the conversation that we were having about Pippa Middleton and her husband. And they've got a pile. She's got a bridleway that they've managed to have closed. So there's no more public access. And one of our lovely listeners had pointed out that if they wanted their privacy, this wasn't the way to go about it because now it was a feature on national news programmes and in papers, quite often with a map accompanied. So, yes, it was something. Of their vast grounds. Yes, it was a Pyrrhic victory. So, do you know what, the lovely kind of rambling and the ordnance survey stuff, I think is one of the great fortes of our countryside, actually.

11:11And I know that the right to Rome is different in Scotland and it is more liberating. But there is nothing more glorious, I think, especially at this time of year, than to go and find a really lovely footpath that is encrusted with blackberry bushes and that type of stuff in the dappled autumn sunlight. As long as it gets a bit colder, Eve, because we've got another 25 degree Tuesday tomorrow. Yes. You have to take that jumper off. I know, I'm already feeling quite warm and the aircon's all the way down in this room. yes and it i think it's going into the following week as well there's sunshine one of our listeners didn't want us to carry on talking about how warm it was in the south because it is cold in scotland and our apologies but we want to keep talking about it because it's just very strange yeah and and it needs flagging up we need to be thinking about our weather all the way through heading into october yeah and that should be properly in the autumnal patch yeah but it isn't yeah although it does definitely mean cheaper energy bills doesn't it i was looking at my Direct debit facility only this morning, Eve, and thinking, well, that's less than it usually is.

12:18You don't look convinced by that. Well, yeah, I don't know if that's worth it. No, no, but also that's a very kind of weird and painful way of assessing it, isn't it? Because climate change... It's just a lose-lose. Yes, yeah, but it's cost us, and then it's cost us again, but then we might get a discount this year. No, it doesn't add up at all. Smutty Street Names, Macerators and the Archers. Wow. Oh, cut runneth over. Comes from, well, you say, may or may not be better to keep me anonymous. You decide. Actually, I'm going to take this jumper off. Okay, right. Have you got something underneath?

12:59Yes, I do. Okay, thank goodness for that. It's not that kind of podcast. Emma, we're just going to name you. I don't think you need to remain anonymous for these things. My listening and re-listening has been a bit haphazard of late as I've been unwell. Well, we're sorry to hear that and I hope you're on the mend now. So you may no longer be accepting smutty street names. I can't imagine we'll ever stop. Thank you. But I felt I had to share Crotch Crescent. A friend's sister lives there. Surely an address everybody aspires to share on forms. Now on to things plumbing and waste related. I used to live in a duplex apartment in which the bathroom was below ground level and so required a macerator for the loo, bath and basin, something to do with water pressure and or gravity from memory.

13:44Either way, we're talking hardcore maceration. My then partner had inflammatory bowel disease, that is no laughing matter, and I was frequently woken by the dulcet tones of a lengthy maceration, followed by the bath filling and the theme to The Archers, his entertainment of choice while soaking. Said apartment was one of nine in a converted manor house and outbuildings in the middle of nowhere. So we also had a septic tank. And this was regularly emptied by a woman in a bubblegum pink truck with a plus-sized poo hoover. Septic tanks were not to be trifled with. So we had to advise visitors that the loo was only pee, poo and paper friendly and if anything else must be bagged and binned.

14:25What a way to get a party started. Well, that's just fantastic detail, Emma. And isn't that great? So you would have thought that actually if your business was the emptying of the contents of septic tanks, you might want to kind of, I don't know, not advertise that, but then again, why not? Why not? Why not be the very, very bright pink, bubblegum pink truck with a great big poo hoover? No shame. No shame at all in any of those things. Emma's gained very in-depth knowledge. You have, love. You've had a lot of maceration. Yes. You're coming to see us in Cheltenham, so I very much hope that you pop along and say a proper hello.

15:09We were talking about books, weren't we, and young men reading books, and we haven't come to any conclusions, have we? We haven't yet. There are quite a few emails in the inbox for us to get through, but no, we haven't really landed on anything solid. No. Well, that's an unfortunate way of putting us out of the last conversation, isn't it, Eve? Have your mind got stuck on the macerator? A little bit. Okay. I'm going to have to watch you this week. No, we haven't settled. No. We haven't settled and stuck. Oh, stop it. I can bring in some figs from my fig tree. Oh, yes, do. Yes, we've just had an enormous, enormous summer.

15:51It just can't stop itself now, actually. So, no, we haven't decided on a title for the next book club. And actually, we should probably also say, if we're doing parish notices, is that we probably don't need any more autumn tracks. Yes, I think it's full. Rosie hasn't actually got the playlist live yet, but I do think that when she gets round to it, we're going to have more than enough. Yeah, and it's definitely got to have autumn in the title because by the time we get it up there, it won't be September any longer. That's also true. You didn't land on a decision, did you? Oh, I'm just going to go in with September Morn.

16:24I'm going to just have to hope that Neil Diamond has closed his kissing booth. Yeah. and I mean you know these were women who wanted to be kissed by Neil Diamond of their own volition so I kind of think okay and yes I'm going to retain my love of Neil Diamond if that's okay I think that's okay yeah but if anything else comes to light I'm going to retract that that's fine yeah this comes from Imogen and it's just fantastic it's called Book Club Fail I've got three boys aged between 23 and 26. So I thought I'd see if they could help with the book club choice. See attached the depressing excerpt from our family chat and the memes that were posted by my daughter.

17:11Now we need to know these following statistics. Rory is a 26-year-old graduate working for a charity. Hugo is my 23-year-old son and Archie, my 22-year-old nephew, both philosophy graduates. And they do read, but almost exclusively men. I'm trying to get them to read more things by women, but the book I bought for H to take on his travels recently didn't make it into the case. So we're going to examine the family WhatsApp, which goes like this. Quick question. Boys, is there any book that's currently on your radar that other men are reading that feels like it's being marketed to you and you know people your age are reading?

17:49Incoming from Rory. No, I don't think I've ever seen a man reading a book. Incoming from Imogen. Hugo and Archie Rory, they probably just do it performatively and then there's this lovely piss taking meme that actually I've seen myself, it is of a couple of boys, I would say not boys, I think they're probably 20, 20 something young 20 something men and they're standing on a street corner queuing for something and one of them is reading a book and the legend on the meme is, what is going on in East London? and then there's another one that you sent us a very very beautiful picture of a young man reading a book and he doesn't look very happy it is definitely a thing but maybe that's part of the problem is accusing young men of performatively reading yeah because then they just can't win they cannot but it is it is definitely a bit of a thing that is part of the trendy set in east london where you'll see a man with a yellowing paperback shoved into his back jean pocket Yeah, it's the Penguin classic, isn't it, that is popping out somewhere above the socks and crocs.

19:03Socks and crocs and line bikes. It's just a terrifying combination, Eve. It shouldn't be allowed at all. But do you know what? Back in the day when we were all in our 20s, I don't remember there being lots of books scattered around our shared student house being read by boys. So I don't remember any of the girls reading very much either, actually. So, yeah, let's not be too pejorative. thank you for sending that though Imogen that was just fantastic and and and also I would just say in Rory's defense I think he's slightly kind of winding us all up isn't he so good for him

19:40your heart can tell you a lot about your health Apple Watch Series 12 measures your heart rate every five seconds with the most advanced heart rate sensing in an Apple Watch so your vitals app Now with heart rate variability, could tell you when something is off. And your readiness score can let you know when to rest and when to push. Hear the story in every heartbeat with Apple Watch Series 12. For general wellness purposes only, not intended for clinical use or to detect, diagnose, monitor or treat medical conditions, requires iPhone 11 or later. I thought, what if I've scaled businesses? What if I scaled my philanthropy?

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21:28That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

21:42do you feel that you've got more minge lane in you eve yes okay i'll be going to hr after this katie has sent us an article from the worcester news and katie's ps is for jane and we'll ask her when she's back it's jane when you were working in worcester did you ever make it to wire piddle that's a name that always makes me smile too so mingeline has now had a concrete sign applied to it because they are so fed up they being the residents of the sign being nicked all of the time so the way that they've gone about it we did hear from an earlier correspondent that they'd just put it on a car piece of cardboard before but now they've decided to make a concrete thing that you just can't take.

22:30But I mean, any, so this is just such a gift of a story to a local newspaper, because they can just delve into the archives and find lots of other fantastic names. And the Worcester News has done exactly that. Minge Lane in Upton-upon-Seven and Worcestershire features on the list of one of the UK's readers' place names in a new survey, alongside the likes of Sluts Hole Lane in Norfolk, Sandy Balls in the New Forest, and Shitterton in Dorset they don't stop there. Derbyshire's Fanny Avenue, Cox in Cornwall and Wet Wagon Yorkshire also give people a laugh. According to the poll. There's a poll. What's a poll?

23:09Oh yeah. No there's a poll. I mean this is the kind of clickbait that's keeping local news going. Britain's rudest place names according to Asda Money. Why have they got involved? So what do you submit the one near you and then the ones that get the most submission appear on the list. Oh, I don't know what the criteria for the survey was. Or are they already there and you click if it makes you laugh? Okay, hang on a sec. I had absolutely no idea that you were going to ask me a supplementary question about this. Right, just say, could you just tell people some things for a couple of seconds that are of interest, maybe guests coming up?

23:45I'm just going to give this a quick speed read. Yes, this week. Tomorrow, Fee's going to chat to Matthew Sweet, who has written a wild biography on the life of Barbara Cartland that Fee has been absolutely loving. So that's going to be a really fun conversation. Wednesday, there will be no podcast, actually, because that's Fi's day off and Jane's not here. And then we will both be back on Thursday with a conversation with Leanne Moriarty that Fi's already done, that was fab too. And Leanne's a fan of the podcast. So her and Fi were just on a fabulous wavelength. Brilliant. Thank you very much indeed.

24:19You've done that very well. Very, very well indeed. This is because as to car insurance, bear with us everybody, visited some of Britain's most distracting roads this month, temporarily putting green velvet modesty curtains over the signs in a bid to help keep drivers' eyes on the roads. And as a consequence of this, they've done Britain's rudest place names under the great big banner of Asda Money. Because six in ten people, 60 % had missed their turn or exit due to laughing at some of these names. That's quite a hoist to this day. Isn't it? Also, I'd be quite distracted by some Asda green velvet curtains though as well.

25:01Well, but good on them for being slightly more imaginative. Yep. I mean, look at them. We've just given them some publicity. Yep. So good for you. So would you like the top ten? Please. Here we go. Okay. We're going to go from ten to one. So in at number ten, Fanny Avenue in Derbyshire. Nine, Slag Lane, Merseyside. Number eight, Cockadibbie, Berkshire. Number seven, Sandy Balls, New Forest. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. In at number six, Minge Lane in Worcestershire. In at number five, The Knob in Northamptonshire. In at number four, Twat. Which is apparently a place on Orkney. In at number three, Bellend in Roley Regis.

25:46In at number two, Butthole Lane, Leicestershire. And in at number one, Sluts Hole Lane in Norfolk. Right, let's try and get back on track. What's ridiculous about that is when you read out there and say, I now have a little soft spot for Minj Lane. Yes. Because I'm familiar with it. Me too. And actually, I'm surprised it's not higher up. No. Justice for Minj Lane. Oh, my God. I mean, it just goes on and on. It goes on and on. No, we can't. We can't do any more. Let's just look. They've got 35 names. Oh, some of them are just lovely. In at number 32, Nicky Nacky Lane. Oh. Yeah, which is in Surrey.

26:23you've got a penis stone in south yorkshire uh we've got the slack bottom in west yorkshire and titty hoe in northamptonshire so there are some ones i've not got i just can't read them out actually i just completely lost it it's also a day remind you you wanted to get out to hear john healy speak yes i do i've got to do really, really serious show debriefing the new Chancellor. And I'm just, yep, I'm now going to be thinking about Prats Bottom. Oh, we live in a wonderful country, don't we? We're very silly. Very, very, very silly. If you live abroad, and we know that many of our listeners do, have you got the same thing going on?

27:07I reckon Australia must have some good ones. I bet it does. Yeah. And obviously, most of them will be lost on us as we carry our English-speaking sensibilities sensibilities around the world. And it's an opportunity for you to do some accents. No. Although I did ask Leanne Moriarty about the accents. She's like Australian royalty. And she said they're fine. Well there you have it. If it's right for Leanne. I think she was being polite. I don't think she wanted the whole podcast done in my ridiculous accent. But we might let her couple just slip back in. Do you have an email that you would like to finish on?

27:49Fee did a fabulous interview with May Musk on Thursday, the mother of Elon Musk. She's got a memoir out. This comes in from Penny, who was not best pleased with Fee. She didn't think it was fabulous at all. I have to say, after listening to your interview with May Musk, I wonder why you bothered. I found it totally disrespectful to an elderly lady. You clearly can't interview Elon, so you interrogate his mother. It's also obvious you don't like him, and your questions made me cringe, especially asking how many grandchildren she has by Elon. I would have preferred to have heard a more in-depth interview about May and her life and book, which is what the interview was advertised as.

28:28I do like to listen to your podcast, but maybe just remember that not everyone dislikes the same people you do. Over to you, Fee. Well, I completely take your point of view on board. I would say a couple of things about it. In May Musk's book, she talks about Elon. a lot and he is one of the reasons why we are interviewing her and why people are buying that book so anything that was in the book was absolutely fair game to ask her about he is one of the most influential men on the planet at the moment and he's also incredibly divisive and some of his reposting of tweets that may not even be borderline in terms of the message that they're sending out have caused an awful lot of bother.

29:17He is also supportive of far-right political parties in other countries, and he is definitely trying to stir things up in this country, even though he has not been to Oldham ever. And the last time that he visited the UK, I think was three years ago, he saw fit to get involved in Oldham's businesses. So I think it's not really a question of disliking somebody. it's a question of making the most of an opportunity to talk to someone who is very close to the person who's doing all of those things. It would be amazing if we could interview Elon Musk. Jane and I would absolutely love to talk to him.

29:56And one of the things that we would also want to talk about, because it's very much kind of on brand for this podcast, is the number of children he has, because he's said to believe in something, I think it's called pronatalism, where you want to procreate a lot. you want to have a lot of your own children in the world. And I find that very interesting. Aside from anything else, that might be available to men in a way it's not available to women. I mean, during my years of fertility, I would only ever have been able to have, what, 15 children if I had, you know, one every two years. So it's just weird, I think, the notion that you want to have more children than you can name on both hands in your life and whether or not you actually get to see them, what you're doing it for.

30:50So that was the question about the grandchildren. So those would be my reasons wanting to ask May Musk about her son. I have enormous respect for a woman who left a clearly horrendously abusive and violent marriage and I hope that you'll at least agree that she was able to really talk about that side of her life and I hope that she was able to talk about it you know in a respectful way I'm not going to condemn her for that at all but other things that she's gone on to do afterwards I think I don't if I If I had a younger relative who'd given a Nazi salute, who'd gone and talked to the AFD, would I want to at least acknowledge that and try and explain it?

31:42Yeah, I probably would. So that's my thought process. We don't always interview people that we like. Quite often we're talking to people we don't like very much and it would be a weird matrix if we only ever book people who we really loved for the podcast. So do be critical of our interviews. but that would be my justification for talking to May Musk. I found it an incredibly difficult interview to do. Well, yes. It was live. Yep. And you do only have 15 minutes and you're trying to cover a lot of ground. It's a whole massive book. She's documenting her life, her relationship to this man. And you have 15 minutes to get through all of it.

32:18I felt it went on a bit there. No, it doesn't. No, I probably did. I probably did. It wouldn't be the first time. No, it wouldn't be the first time. My God, you're here. Maybe you could edit it down for me. Right. We would love you to carry on emailing us this week. We will send all of your dearest thoughts up to Jane in Liverpool. We would love to hear your thoughts about a book that's being read by young men. It doesn't actually have to be something that is currently being read by young men. If there's something that you know really touched the heart of a young man in your life, then bung that towards us.

32:47We just want to read something that we wouldn't usually automatically reach for, something that shows us a different perspective and something that is going to provide quite good kind of stuff to talk about. You know the score. Jane of Fiat, Times.Radio. Happy Monday.

33:20Congratulations. Congratulations. You've staggered somehow to the end of another Off Air with Jane and Fee. Thank you. If you'd like to hear us do this live, and we do do it live every day, Monday to Thursday, 2 till 4 on Times Radio. The jeopardy is off the scale. And if you listen to this, you'll understand exactly why that's the case. So you can get the radio online on DAB or on the free Times Radio app. Off Air is produced by Eve Salisbury and the executive producer is Rosie Cutler. Thank you.

34:21And your readiness score can let you know when to rest and when to push. Hear the story in every heartbeat with Apple Watch Series 12. For general wellness purposes only, not intended for clinical use or to detect, diagnose, monitor or treat medical conditions. Requires iPhone 11 or later.