If I'd eaten enough steak I could've been Fatima Whitbread...

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2:28Kate from East Bath, West Wiltshire normally, says, I'm currently on holiday in Guatemala. It's beautiful, but the three-hour road trip from the coast of El Paradon to the colonial town of Antigua was leaving me a little carsick, so I popped on your pod to offer distraction, and what did I get? Blue cheese on a jackpot, corned beef, and a deep dive into trifle. yeah i could i could see the issue there um guatemala that's a fantastic place to go on a holiday tell us more about it actually um why did you pick it um is it expensive uh what what are the roads like we've got a lot of listeners who are very car positive and like road trip chat uh so uh kate we'd love to hear more thank you very much um we were talking the other day about oh yes first of all let's just deal with another uh shoehorned plug for the tour uh and we can answer this query from Wendy and Fife.

3:21Now, she is thinking of coming to the show that we're doing in Glasgow, and she wants to know about finish times. Well, we don't know really, do we? We don't really know, but rest assured, Wendy, neither of us are exactly you know, we're not very nocturnal, I think it's fair to say. So we normally have a finish, I would say, at the latest by 20 to 10. Would that be right? I think we should check with the venue, because the problem is people want to buy exact train tickets. I get that. And you don't want to have to buy an open return because they're about twice the price. Just going to see my mum in Swindon, it's twice the price for an open return.

3:58I just think that's taking the place. Do you know what I've learned recently, and I don't want to give advice because obviously I shouldn't, but sometimes when I was backwards and forwards to Liverpool, I was buying a ticket on the platform and it was often cheaper than buying it weeks in advance. Well, I can't really understand that. That's one of the apps you can use. There are many. Yeah. And I know a lot of, sorry to interrupt, A lot of people say you should use the company website to book train tickets. That's the most economical way of doing it. Yes, although I've also heard that if you use things like train line, then you can sometimes get a massive bargain if people have cancelled.

4:34So, you know, when a cancellation seat comes up at the last minute, they really, really flog those very cheaply. Yeah, let us know actually what your best tips are, because Fee's right, train travel can be just eye-watering and expensive. Just prohibitively expensive. I'm thinking of hitching, hitchhiking to Swindon in future. Have you ever hitchhiked? Yes, and dangerously so, Jane. In this country? In this country. We used to bomb around Hampshire with our thumbs out and we were picked up, fortunately, by incredibly kind people and we were picked up by a truck driver once who actually pulled into a lay-by and our heart slightly sank at that, but it was to give us a lecture about never hitchhiking again.

5:26Right. No, and I really, you know, looking back on it as a 57-year-old woman with children, I just think, thank you for doing that, because actually it did make us think and, you know, obviously there are some terrible, terrible, terrible outcomes for especially young people you know we were 14 15 so we were hitchhiking because we were too young to drive and there was no public transport uh so no just uh really really crazy crazy stuff did you not in this country i did it in ireland on a road trip i went on with a friend from school i think we were both 19 and we did get we got a few um lifts from irish lorry drivers, I have to say there were no issues at all, but I didn't actually think, did I think it through?

6:10Or was it just something that actually was much more routinely done in those days? I haven't seen a hitchhiker for years. No, I mean, what's happened to them? I don't know, where have they gone? I mean, train spotters are still about. What's happened to hitchhikers? I don't know. Can you, are there just apps where you can ride, share? Do you not have to? Maybe there are. Just, we've asked, yeah, we're asking, we don't know. Yeah, that is strange, isn't it? But I think it's a good thing. Have you ever picked up a hitchhiker? No, and of course that's the other side of the coin, isn't it? I probably wouldn't because I'd obviously think they were going to murder me.

6:45I have when I've had somebody else in the car. Right. And because they were young people, I just thought, well, I'd much rather I pick them up than anybody else. And of course it's a really fascinating insight into some stranger's world that you would never otherwise have come across. We just need to make clear, of course, that with our famed sense of direction, we probably wouldn't be the greatest people to pick up somebody who was looking for a lift to somewhere. Well, usually I'm actually better in the car than I am left to my own devices. I was trying to explain to the young people the other day how we got around in London when we first got to London.

7:23And, you know, very soon after arriving in London, I was working in London and I'd get to GLR in the morning to do the early reporter shift and you would just be sent out, you'd listen to the tape from Scotland Yard and you'd be sent out to the scenes of crimes to report back from them without having a faintest idea. How you were going to get there? Yeah, where the Hendon Way was or, you know, where Upper Street was. How did you get to the office in the first place? Well, I drove because it was like four in the morning. Oh, I see, you could park. But then you'd take the radio car out and you had an A to Z, but you know you were really on a time constraint and uh and you were driving and looking at the those days are yeah at the same time but the point that i was trying to make to the young people was that you really held information in your head because we were talking about using maps and you see so many people with their phone out walking to their phone so they are they are following the little blue dot on google maps when they're walking up a street instead of looking around going when i get to the top i need to turn right and then it's second on the left and because they're looking at their phone they're never going to learn the way are they they are never going to learn the way and they get very bemused and quite often they'll stop you and say where is this kind of literally just look around you just look around you that would help and obviously but it's all part of our brain training isn't it that actually just remember when you need to come off a dual carriage way it's not yes you don't need to consult ways every single time you go to your local supermarket yeah um it really isn't necessary no um and on that tip actually a couple of people have wanted and this was my bad me to point out that nigella isn't 63 she is 66 turning 67 in january now that is misinformation given to me in response to me shouting at a smart device to tell me how old nigella was so don't do it kids no check it check it with two verifiable sources yeah and then put it out there into the public domain it does so sorry nigella but actually eve needs to apologize because it wasn't the final wasn't the final of bake-off i know um i think it was only the quarter final i know yeah you i don't know why i thought that i think i misheard and then as you were exiting the office last night i shouted at you wait fee it's not the final because i did given it a quick google search but it's quite embarrassing she didn't hear me and then i just turned back to the desk and just sort of muttered to everyone i said it's not the final it's not the final but i'm glad because i missed last night so i'm glad i didn't miss the final right do you know who exited that i won't tell you at all don't read the newspapers it's all over the place they were doing it how do you know you've watched i looked at the paper when i come into work i like to have a skim through a through a tabloid the times was it really in the papers it wasn't a controversial exit i saw it on one of the you know the banners on one of the tabloids okay they were doing nougatine who in their right mind has ever cooked really nougatine out this this year i think it's i find it a bit difficult to watch those ones where you have no idea what the taste would be of the stuff that they're doing?

10:39I mean, I'm hard-pressed to be impressed by a general ease. I've watched that in the episodes. Have you been on it? I have been on it. Thank you for mentioning it. How did it go? What did you make? I made, oh God, I made some big ice gem biscuits and a tiered chocolate cake, a dreadful walnut cake, and then some sausage rolls, one of which looked like the Isle of Man. so it didn't go entirely my way and I didn't win. But who did? Anita Rani. Oh, yes. I know, she was very, very accomplished. She did a kind of chocolate Mad Hatter's Tea Party with a proper teacup made out of chocolate. It was just sensational.

11:20Angela Griffin was the other person in... Coronation Street actress. Actress who is now directing and she is, I think she was directing some of the Blue Lights. let me check her name came up as director I thought good for you girl and she was terrific as well I remember that Paul Hollywood very very impressed with her ginger nuts now you might recall that last week I didn't laugh that was Eve no I've got a new ball cop by the way I think we've done that enough but it is now in position and I've enjoyed it she did so she's directed Blue Lights episodes 4, 5 and 6 of season 3 and also season four.

12:02So well done, Herb. Absolutely phenomenal. What a great transition. I'll tell you who else did that. It was Susan Tully, yes. She became a director, didn't she? And she started on... What character did she play in EastEnders? I don't know. I never really did EastEnders. Sorry, I didn't really do... I only did it at the very beginning and it was... God, it was brilliant. I want to say Michelle. Right, I think that was right. I don't know. Yeah. Don't put that in. I'm so sick of being wrong about everything. Let's talk about the menopause. Penny Lancaster was in last week. and actually poor woman, she was wrestling with a bit of a viral issue, but she wanted to talk about having more support for menopausal women in the workplace.

12:39And we've had this anonymous emailer making this point. I am dismayed, she says, to hear calls for more discussion of menopause and support in the workplace. Working in an industry that regularly makes people redundant, it's already hard enough for a woman of a certain age to get re-employed. I think it's shooting all women in the foot to highlight to any future employer the possible risk that their once charming employee might soon become a mad banshee who staggers into work after two hours sleep, bites heads off and then cries in the toilet. Worse still, this could go on for years. I speak only for myself here.

13:15There are only two messages that should be communicated about menopause. To women, here's the list of all the symptoms you need to recognise. So if you are unable to function, you can get effective treatment promptly. to both male and female employers menopause symptoms can be effectively managed and treated so you don't need to fear employing a woman if i'm honest although the medication has transformed my life i cannot claim it fully restores me to my best self but hush we need to keep quiet about that she says i want to stay anonymous as i remain employed thank you i think she makes um i mean she's exaggerating obviously for comic effect with the whole banshee and weeping in the toilet thing and biting everybody's head off but um i think that's a very honest admission that although the medication has been helpful she doesn't feel that she's quite at her previous peak but she needs to stay and work so she doesn't want to go on about it so i get it but do you think that women should everybody should talk less about the menopause for that first point that you're I'm really conflicted.

14:24I don't know. You're sounding a klaxon. I think it's wrong to ignore it. I think it's terrible that it's been stigmatised. But at the same time, I do understand that emailist point, that sometimes we are assuming every woman will have a terrible time and they are likely to be incredibly unreliable employees when that won't necessarily be the case. I don't know. I honestly don't know what the right approach is, actually, which is one of the reasons we wanted to get Penny on and actually just to talk about it all because I just wish I knew what the right route through this was. And it's also just true to say some women don't experience any symptoms at all.

15:01You know, they just jog on. And I think we don't want to be too alarmist about the whole business. Just otherwise, you know, women think, well, what have I got to live for? It's just terrible. I thought periods were bad enough. Now this shit is coming at me. Actually, I've been told off for swearing, so I want to stop swearing. I didn't hear Penny's interview with you, but I know that she was in because she wanted to talk about her husband, a part-time musician called Rod, being very supportive of her. And did she talk about that? She did reference him. I'm not sure. It wasn't the... Eve was there.

15:37It wasn't the main body of the interview, was it? No. No, it was not. No, I think Penny, it's interesting because she does feel... She's a good communicator in her own right and I suppose like a lot of people she thinks, I don't want to constantly talk about my husband. Well, I like Penny enormously. I mean, enormously. And I'm glad that she has been a guest on the podcast. And, I mean, in her book, she talks about meeting Rod a lot and she completely acknowledges the fact that we know her name because she's married to Rod Stewart. She's also really lovely about him, Jane. And I sometimes think women can be judgmental about women who are supportive of men.

16:17and there's room for absolutely everybody on this planet. I rather admire the style with which she does it. Because she sends him up, but with affection. I'm a big Penny Lancaster fan. And actually, there was another email that I wanted to go back to that I've been keeping in my drawer for weeks and weeks and weeks. So my apologies if you have been listening, thinking, is she ever going to come to me? Hang on, bear with me, caller. Just while Fee is sifting, It's just, we're just not going to talk about the other allegations about a man in show business today. Because I think, I don't know about you, I just feel I've just, it's been a depressing week.

16:57And I think we've heard enough. That's my opinion. I mean, I wish, yeah, I just wish we didn't have to do it all the time. But I think we, but I know we should. I think it's been so difficult that the David Walliams allegations have arrived so swiftly off the back of the sentencing and the end of Russell Brand's trial. Because, you know, it just feels like there's a gauze in front of all of our eyes at the moment. and it is a lot but in a sense I slightly feel for the women who have stood up and told their story denied by David Walliams because is it slightly dismissive of them to kind of say well I'm just not we're not in the mood I'm not bothered about you because I'm only just getting over the other one you know I don't think that's fair at all but I think the amazing thing as well about the David Walliams investigation is it's been going on for three years it is a very long time it's been done by The Guardian and by ITV.

17:59Neither of us have watched the documentary, but I think at some point I will. But I couldn't watch it last night. But I don't want to kind of, I don't know, I don't want to focus less on this story just because it is so soon after other people's stories. I think that's really, really difficult for... I mean, we should say he hasn't been charged. He's not been charged. And, you know, the police have said that they are available if any of the women making allegations against David Walliams want to contact them. So it may turn into a different type of story too.

18:51No new tools or extra logins, just personalized AI for the way we work. That means less time on the work around the work and more time finding the stories worth talking about. Get AI tools for work. Upgrade to Google Workspace with Gemini at goo.gle slash workspace with Gemini. That's goo.gle slash workspace with Gemini. If you felt stuck trying to lose weight, you're not alone. Enter Weight Loss by HERS. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals. And HERS now offers access to an affordable range of FDA-approved GLP-1 medications, including the WeGovi pill and the WeGovi pen. Even better, with a range of affordable GLP-1 options, HERS makes it simple to find an approach that fits your needs and your budget.

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20:39sarah with three a's two before the r one after the r sent in this motherhood and mental load i'm massively behind as i'm currently in the throes of early motherhood well we're behind too sarah but we've got no excuse we may have entirely moved on but i wanted to share some of my own thoughts on recent topics firstly you had an emailer mentioned she's finding breastfeeding excruciatingly painful and I wanted to recommend silver cups. They are a bit pricey but I had the same thing and they saved me and I've justified it by telling myself I'm saving money on extortionate nipple creams. What happens to the silver cups afterwards, Sarah?

21:18Are they multi-purpose? Could you use them for something else in the house if they've been very expensive? I bet you could. I also wanted to weigh in on fees point around the emailer who mentioned her husband works away and she quite enjoys the mental load. When my daughter was a week old, my husband left for work for three months. Everybody seemed to find this extremely upsetting on my behalf, but I always make the point to say how much I miss him. But I actually agree, it is way easier to do stuff without him. You then go on to say, in general, I love being a mum so far and I love the newborn bubble.

21:50And I wonder if we've swung too far the other way because I spent nine months being prepared by the Just Wait Brigade for hell. and I've been so pleasantly surprised. Eve's had to pop out to tell our colleagues to shush. To Hannah. To Hannah. It's always somebody on our team. It's usually Rosie, isn't it? Rosie's off today. Hannah, shush. Back with Sarah. I'm the first mum of my friends and they're all shocked at how much I'm enjoying it. I think as a society, we just can't be in the middle about things. I'm not sure if this is because of social media. I feel we've gone from toxic positivity motherhood, never being able to say if we aren't enjoying it to completely negative.

22:32What do you two think? Well, the first thing that I think, Sarah, is you are acing it because I would not have been able to write such an email in the throes of early first time motherhood. So you're obviously doing incredibly well. And I think it's a really, really good point to make. I also think that women have all kinds of experiences of early motherhood and and so do dads and it can I think now feel like there's a massive negativity sometimes under the guise of being honest honesty is an absolutely terrific thing but your truth isn't going to be everybody else's truth and and for women who absolutely find themselves in those early weeks and months and years I I I think that is a bit drowned out, actually, Jane.

23:23I think people think, oh, get her. She's kind of boasting about it. It's just, it's not. Some people just really love it. They're really good at it. Sometimes when people enjoy it, you will hear other people saying, just wait till she has the second. Oh, no, definitely. Or people say, oh, you know, just wait till you've got, you know, childcare to think about. Wait till you go back to work. Wait till they're five. Wait till they're seven. You know, whatever it is. If you enjoy it, please enjoy it. Just enjoy it, yes. Don't let other people's experiences change what you feel about your experience.

23:53But it's a bit like what I was saying about the menopause. It doesn't have to be terrible. It might not be. Like childbirth, it might be all right. You never know, somebody glides through everything. Yeah, and also the bits that might be sticky, don't get stuck on them. I mean, you know, they do pass. I too really loved the bit where I felt that it was just me and my babies in a tiny little world. I found re-entry to the real world very difficult. I had friends who had completely the opposite experience. They really didn't enjoy, you know, the first kind of six to eight weeks where you are really at home, you barely get off the sofa or the bed, you're doing an awful lot of feeding, whether it's breastfeeding or not.

24:33They hate, you know, absolutely hated that, couldn't wait to be able to get out with their baby. I was completely the wrong way around. Some people are actually very good at early years childhood. You know, I found that a little bit spicy for me. but I know some people find the teenage years difficult. I've really loved them. So it's just horses for courses, isn't it? Don't get stuck on it. You enjoy yourself. And thank you for writing. It's Sarah, isn't it? It is Sarah with three A's. And the nipple cups, let's all have an imaginative think about what you could do with those afterwards because it is a shame to waste them.

25:05Well, I mean, I'm assuming that based on their size, they would be lovely for a tincture first thing in the morning if you need some sort of medicinal fig brandy. But do you think... Yes, Eve? Aren't they more flat than that? Oh. I'm thinking like sort of soy sauce and chilli oil to put your gyozas in. Oh, that's a very generational contribution. That's so peck and wry. I'm thinking maybe... Still in the gong bar. You always need on a dressing table or wherever you keep your jewellery a little dish for tiny butterfly backs of earrings and stuff like that. So a little dish for tiny things, or maybe it goes in the doll's house.

25:49Did you have a doll's house? My children had a doll's house. Yes, I didn't have a doll's house. I had Subutio, because I was an early adopter of girls doing boys things. Yeah, I'd never wanted a doll's house. But I wasn't very good at Subutio, to be perfectly honest with you. But I did have it. You hadn't have that? No. No, I'm just trying to think if we did have a doll's house. If we did, it didn't make a very good impression on me, so I can't remember it at all. No, I don't think we did. I don't think my girls enjoyed the Doll's House as much as the Peppa Pig camper van, which provided genuine enjoyment.

26:21Yes, I had cars as well. I really, really loved the cars. Oh, yeah. Did you have Skeletrics? Yes. Yes, I did. No, I think we had somebody else's Skeletrics trick for a while. But actually, the cars that I remember, they were quite big, substantial cars. They weren't little, tiny ones. I remember thinking those were just... Could you fit in it? Fantastic. Probably for a while. I was a child of stunted growth. Don't worry. Still am. I was as well. At one point I was put on some sort of special diet that involved me having to have steak. Perhaps they thought I was, if I put on a spurt, I could be fat in my whipbread, but it never happened.

27:00But I did grow a bit, I think, after that. Maybe. Obviously, not much. Right. This is from Helen in Jersey. I was in bed listening to Monday's pod when you talked about the Liverpool and Everton themed hearses. I wanted to share with you that my eldest son, previously mentioned on the pod, as he was born at a whopping, and let's just all take a deep breath, particularly those of our listeners who've recently given birth or are about to, he was born at£11.05. He won an art competition run by a local company of undertakers. I won't be able to speak for quite some time. £11.05. Five ounces. Yep. But the good news is, no, he's Haylen Harty, and Helen is also all right, which is also worth mentioning.

27:49Anyway, Sun won an art competition run by the local undertakers who wanted to design for their old black hearse under the caption, Colour is the new black. It's rather daring. Pitted against many entrants of all ages and walks of life, Will's design depicting a tree of life was picked as the winner. It was lovely to be told his picture had won, but I do remember dissolving into fits of laughter when I realised it would be on an actual hearse. And here are the images. And actually, there we are. I think it's magnificent. It is. Because not everybody wants a gloomy black hearse. Look at that, Eve.

28:23This is a green colour and it's festooned with branches, roots and beautiful flowers. I mean, why the hell not? Hearses don't have to be black. The pinnacle, says Helen, was a very, very dear family friend being transported to her funeral in the hearse designed by my son in February of this year. He's no longer at school, I should say, just starting life at uni. He's six foot three now and towers over my five foot one. So I have to say that as a five foot one woman, you had an 11 pound five ounce baby. I mean, I'm delighted that you're all right, that I'm just relieved for you. And it is funny when they get so big and you remain so small, isn't it?

29:04I do sympathise with that. It seems to make no sense. It is odd. M of Disney and boiled sausages. We referred to the family spreadsheet of nicknames for everyday items. We just had some problems printing it out, didn't we? So we could make sense of it. Yeah, we wanted to do it justice, really. Yeah, but I've sellotaped it together and I hope, there's every possibility I sellotaped the wrong bit to the wrong bit. Well, it seems to make sense. Add to the fun. I was working on Quacky being a roast duck, so I think if we assume that that is correct, the rest of the spreadsheet is correct. I tell you what, you're quite upmarket if you've got a special name for roast duck as a family.

29:45I mean, I have at least the duck they have, the Chinese. That's lovely, isn't it? But other than that, I don't touch it. Do you have duck? Fun times. Sometimes. Not often. No, exactly. Exactly. It's quite a rare dish, I think. Well, it is in this country, isn't it? But it's definitely not in France and it's definitely not across Asia. But then they do horrible things to ducks, don't they? Well, we do horrible things to veal. Yes, that's true. Concerto for telephone and tram is a Johnsonism for an unharmonious modern classical music piece, and I like that very much. Coral is their name for broccoli.

30:29somebody who's a little bit porky gets his pennies worth out of a weighing machine steak and kidney is a Kate and Sydney and lack of breath is unknown cause of death I wonder how often good lord there are lots of other very very funny ones we like Pepper future episodes of the podcast we like this whole idea so if you have a special family name for something quite insignificant, either a feeling or an object. We would very much like to hear about it. Yeah, or some funny ones for people. There's some terrible ones in my family. I just can't repeat them. But every time they are referred to, I'm like, you cannot have got through your whole life being called that.

31:19You just can't. And they appear to have. Do you think Emma is the most common name of a correspondent to this podcast? or is it Claire? I think we've had quite a few. Well, an awful lot of Janes and Susans. Oh, that's very... But that's a very, very common name. Yeah. Both are very common. Let's just tick on it. I think Jane, Susan, Claire, Emma. Very few Evelands. Very, very few Evelands. If we keep going for another 30 years, I think there'll be many, many more. I would hope. I was inspired by your chat about nuts amidst the advent calendars. I thought I would check out the Screwfix offering.

31:57This led me down the usual rabbit holes, and I've now, says Emma, ordered three times heritage vegetable seed. Oh, three heritage vegetable seed calendars and one survival advent calendar from a company called Nordspur. Now, Nordspur also suggested a wind-up radio and torch. That is another item, of course, of the government's Be Ready emergency checklist. We had pretty much everything else on the list, as I love an overstocked larder, and we have a generator. but the list recommends baby formula and nappies which I'm going to skip as I'm 64 at the moment my husband's 69 look you never know Emma love the show love the idea of a nuts advent calendar but I might have to stop listening as you have too much influence on me I've just spent£150 on advent calendars none of that money went to Jeff as I've blocked Amazon since you pointed out we paid for his wedding in Venice sadly he's still getting my audible money though as I cannot imagine life without audiobooks anymore Emma, thank you very much.

32:58Do you know what? Until you said that, I suppose I hadn't really linked my audible addiction to that man. But it is him, isn't it? It is him. It is him indeed. So, Emma, back at you with the influence that Emma has had on us because I was intrigued by the survival advent calendar from Nordsper. So I logged on and had a little look and I've bought one because the late in life love interest, it's just his dream come true. Do you know what's behind that? To have small screws and gadgets and bits and pieces and things that you can use on your bike or unscrew something with or tighten something up with.

33:37Honestly, he's going to be in absolute heaven. Well, do we know what the... Because on a traditional Christian Advent calendar, the baby Jesus is on the 24th. Well, I don't know because they don't actually... They do show you quite a lot of things in the Advent calendar. I mean if that was a party game I'd only be able to name three of them I don't really know what the other tools are but but you couldn't really tell what what was going to be in at number 24 right so we'll wait and see I want to know honestly Emma I just can't thank you enough it also led me down a terrible terrible rabbit hole of advent calendars and I did find one that I think is just so wrong and actually I won't identify who makes it because it's on that site where individual makers are putting forward their stuff and all hell, everybody's got to find a way to make a living somehow.

34:28But this is an advent calendar that is based on cold crimes. What? I know, I know. Oh God, I really didn't know you were going to say that. I'm sorry, that's hideous. The advent calendar game is perfect for individuals, couples and groups to play at home. You'll receive a whole case box full of 24 days worth of witness testimonies, photographs, phone records, police reports, evidence and loads more. And each day has an envelope full of new clues and evidence to help you solve the crime. So they're not actual true crimes, but they're imagined cold cases. So over the course of the month of December, you can open every day a little extra something that might help you investigate.

35:09And I'll just give you one of the synopsis. This is the Carole Singer synopsis. It's December 2024. and leafy Leicestershire is once again rocked by a murder. A woman, Carol Singer, has been found dead at her home address after neighbours reported to her in gun shots in the local area. It's very seasonal. Can you track down the killer is before they strike again? It's just like, who? Who? Who? Who is buying that? So, Emma. Incredible. We are so happy to seek refuge in just your average, I like a hero's advent calendar myself. I like to have a tiny bounty of a morning or a tiny little fudge. That will absolutely do for me.

35:53What's your favourite? Well, I wouldn't go for bounty or fudge. I just want a chunk of dairy milk, actually. So you get the little dairy milk from the heroes? Yes, we'll probably get an advent calendar. I mean, why the hell not? Actually, it's probably, let's try and be, let's be jolly and a bit seasonal and suggest that it's heading towards the primary school play season. So if one of your little youngsters or if you're a teacher, and I'm very conscious this is a challenging time of year, particularly for the staff at primary schools, do tell us about your seasonal show. And if your child is playing, for example, Scarecrow in the less than traditional seasonal offering, do tell us about it, because I think those things can be quite golden.

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37:49So we've been told by Eve because Eve's had to step out in order to deal with a change in venue for this afternoon's guest. So Hannah has stepped in. Are you okay? Hello, everyone. Hello. So you were being very loud outside. And you were told off. I got told off by Eve. I was complimenting Shengel on the colour of her outfit. She's wearing a red coat, a red jumper. And then I was expressing my upset with the fact that everyone expects me to suit red because me and Shengel have a similar complexion. And I don't suit red, so I was expressing my jealousy. Right. But then you moved on to a talk about geopolitics.

38:26Yes. Yes, you did. OK. Well, no, then I got shut up, so then I ran away. Have you ever had your colours done? No, I haven't. I would love to, though. and I think we'd all be surprised. I think I've got some... Maybe we could do that as a team-building exercise. Actually, there was somebody offering that in my local shopping centre. So have you not had yours done? No. Does it look like it? No. No, I've never had mine done, but we had a guest in not too recently who was wearing a fantastic outfit of really unusual colours. She had a pale blue jumper on and red trousers. not a combination that I would pick out of a wardrobe Sounds like a golfer and silver trainers on and she just looked fantastic so I said I just think your colour combo is absolutely great and she said I had my colours done and this is what I now wear and she said I used to always wear blacks and greys and browns but I had mine done and I just thought It's a very, very valuable thing to learn It's an easy way to up your fashion I came across some colourful markers some Chinese markers in the office and I took them as my own I don't know if you'd have noticed but now when I do the live show board there's a different colour combination every day and I take it very seriously Hannah, I had noticed that I had noticed that yes, well done you I don't, it makes it a bit difficult to...

39:49oh, okay I'll take that all then back to the black because now we put who's producing every item also next to who's actually doing the item and then we have the item and then sometimes in brackets there's an addendum to the item. I'm bewildered. I know. So the colours aren't helping. I don't know what's in it, but it's nice. It's nice to look at. I don't really understand it. And often things don't... I mean, the reason that Eve's had to go is we're having issues with our guest today, who's Anthony Scaramucci, who was meant to be coming in in the flesh, and I won't deny it for you. I was quite looking forward to actually meeting him in the flesh and now he's not coming, we're told.

40:26Anyway, Eve's gone out there to lay the law down. She's going to sort them out. Well, she's quite... She is. If you've heard her on one of those calls, she shouldn't take prisoners, and why should she? In a good way, though. Yeah, no, absolutely. As the young people say, I'm here for it. This one comes in from Ros. There is an amazing new British film, Onwards and Sideways, which has a theme of Parkinson's disease. It's gentle, touching, funny and brutal. Ros says, I have Parkinson's disease, and I was diagnosed when I was a 55-year-old woman. I am still a woman, she puts in brackets. It is seen as an old man's disease.

41:01Some people are surprised that it also affects women. I was the only one who was laughing out loud in the cinema, but maybe I have permission as I have Parkinson's. It says in pictures the reality of PD and may shock people as they may discover that maybe they need to be tested for the disease from watching the film and also for people who have a family member with PD. fingers crossed you mentioned this amazing film it is in cinemas now but will also be on the BBC at Christmas time well that sounds like a great recommendation Ros, I've not seen it actually we've got a massive kind of multiplex just down the road from us sometimes I think that they've got an awful lot of screens but they're not showing an awful lot of different movies actually, so I will go in search of that and we often learn more don't we from the movies these days than we do from the...

41:53That sounds like really something we should definitely explore, actually. Thank you for telling us about it. This is a very serious one from a listener. We don't need to mention her name. Just talking about care homes, I had talked about them because my dad was in a care home towards the very end of his life. And the listener says, my mum is 88. She doesn't have assets or savings down to bad luck in the past, but now she is extremely fragile and blind. And I just think the care she's been offered is awful. A social care system that wants to leave her in downstairs living, that's in speech marks, so I confess I don't know whether that's some kind of official ease that is used by social care operatives, and I don't mean that in a dismissive way.

42:36She's living downstairs in her dwelling place, I assume is what that means, but she is having to just wear incontinence pads. Care homes are closing in our area, and we've been told there's no funding for her to go into one anyway. she's on a state pension and pays£650 a month contribution towards the care she is getting and now we've been asked to find a so-called third party contribution for her care and none of the family can afford it don't talk about care homes as if it's the normal route it isn't always um well to that listener i really sympathize i'd really like to know which part of the country you're living in because that does sound like a local authority just doesn't have the money to make sure that your mum's properly cared for.

43:19And I'm so glad that you read this one out because I actually didn't know whether, you know, it might feel a bit too soon to ask you questions about this. So again, the caveat is, you know, you don't have to answer these if they're too personal. But I actually realised after reading that that I don't fully understand the mechanism of care. So your dad was released into a care home from hospital because you paid for the care home? Was he paid for by his council? No, he wasn't. Because if you have savings over£23 ,000, then you have to pay everything above£23 ,000. Sorry, no, let me get this, because it's such a complicated area.

43:58And you're absolutely right, because until this particular experience hits you directly, the truth is most people in Britain do not understand it. I vaguely understood it, because I'd done interviews about it over the years. Long and short of it is, if you've got savings over£23 ,000, you have to pay for your care until you get down to 23 grand. So, and if you have a home and you're the only person living in it, and dad did have a home, and he was by then the only person living in it, the care, the local council would have recouped the money for his care had it gone any longer from the sale of his flat.

44:34Right. So we were fortunate, dad was fortunate. So you paid for his care? My sister and I paid for his care. He was only in a care home for eight weeks, but we were using the money we would get when he died. I mean, to be blunt about it, we knew that he had the savings. So we were able to utilise what money we had because we knew we were going to inherit from him his premium bond savings. That's all he had, premium bond savings. I hope that makes sense. So what would have happened if you hadn't been able to pay the care home bill every week? Really good question. he would have spent much longer in hospital waiting to get into a care home because the council would have had to arrange it.

45:18And I'll be blunt about it. I think this is fair to say councils don't pick the quotes. Now I've got to be careful here. Nicest care homes because they're up against it financially because it's you and me paying for it. It's the taxpayer paying for it. And it's the council paying for it. So they haven't got money to burn as our email illustrates. Some councils don't have the money for care homes full stop. And did you have a choice about which care home he went into based on how much you could afford to pay? We looked at care homes and picked the one we thought was the best. It's as simple as that.

45:57We didn't look at many care homes. I've got to be absolutely honest about this because we had very limited time available. So in the end, we made the decision based on reputation locally of the quality of care in the place he went into. I have to say it possibly wasn't the nicest environment if you're looking for wonderful landscape gardens and all the rest of it but the care I don't have any issues with I think they were understaffed at times but broadly speaking the staff who were there were excellent they really were so I completely agree that I think until you find yourself in this position and also Jane it just is different all the way around the country it is yeah so you know whatever it is that your friends might tell you has happened, you know, with their parents or whoever it is they're looking after, it just might not be your story at all.

46:43The crippling, it's just so unfair that if a parent has dementia, then you could be looking at three or four years of care homes, which you and the family will have to pay for if you have money over 23 grand. So your savings will simply, and their savings, which they may very well have worked hard to achieve, are gone. Because through no fault of their own your much-loved parent has dementia and they can live with it for many many years if you have a medical condition like my dad you know chances are it's a slightly well not necessarily of course it's a it's a relative likely to be a briefer experience in a care home so this is exactly what andy burnham has trying to set out at the beginning of his administration i'm so sorry for our correspondent there because it's grim you know her mom's had bad luck lots of people have bad luck uh she doesn't have savings the family don't have money to hand lots of people don't and so she's obliged to live downstairs in her own place but completely dependent on on people coming to change her and things like that it's the experience of too many people it is it is and it's an undignified and unsatisfactory and unkind way to end your life it is uh all thoughts are welcome as you can tell on the podcast jane and fee at times.radio We are back tomorrow.

48:03In the meantime, do keep up the emails and the brilliant correspondence and your thoughts on all things. We really appreciate it. It's janeandfee at times.radio. Goodbye.

48:29congratulations you've staggered somehow to the end of another off-air with jane and fee thank you if you'd like to hear us do this live and we do do it live every day monday to thursday two till four on times radio the jeopardy is off the scale and if you listen to this you'll understand exactly why that's the case uh so you can get the radio online on dab or on the free times radio app off air is produced by eve salisbury and the executive producer is rosie cutler

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