D’Arcy Carden

0:00I just want to give you the space to process it, Michael said. Elena paused. I don't think I want to see anybody else. This is the love story of real hinge couple Elena and Michael, written and read by me, Raven Smith. Listen to the free audiobook now. Chronic migraine. 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more, can make me feel like a spectator in my own life. Botox, onabotulinum toxin A, prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine. It's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month. It's the number one prescribed branded chronic migraine preventive treatment.

0:34Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection causing serious symptoms. Allerge your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness can be signs of a life-threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue, and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms, and dizziness.

1:10Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more. I feel like the way like a preteen girl would be obsessed with boy bands, I was just obsessed with like Eddie Vedder and Courtney Love. Well, Darcy, welcome to One Night Stand. Thank you for having me. Thrilled to have you here. Have you always been a big reader? I never said I was a big reader. No, I haven't. In fact, I feel like I've spent most of my life not being a big reader. I come from a big reader family. Okay, yeah. Very big. Like, they are reading. I have librarians in my family. Oh, wow. I have bookstore worker in my family.

1:53I have authors in my family. Oh, wow. So because I wasn't like the, because I didn't like level up, I was never as, what's the word? Prolific? Yeah. But you know what I mean? Like I didn't read a book a week like my sisters did and everything. I always was kind of like, well, I'm not the reader. I'm the not reader. And I've really held on to that for so long. And my mom was so sweet. She'd always be like, but you read scripts. Yeah. Like you're always reading scripts. but then recently things have changed like you know what it is I think honestly like I have do you guys talk about this a lot I've accepted listening as oh yeah right a name drop but but I don't mind dropping it Judy Greer who has a great book that you should all read she was I was sort of um making fun of myself for listening to books like I said something about reading and then I was like oh I didn't read it I listened to it I know blah blah blah that's not as good and she was like stop and she really was like it is a great like it's a great way to like get the information totally not everybody learns things the same way or can take things in the same way and she really gave me like permission and I swear to god I like haven't stopped reading listening since yeah I love that yeah so it's really something I've always loved but really can fall off of until recently where it's been like back to back to back it's funny how in families that we sort of divine ourselves in relation to our other family members that i i we definitely do that in my family too like those of us who are the sporty ones or the not sporty ones and then it's like no one cares who's sporty when you're 40 it's just like are you going to the gym or not it's so funny like you're like but my brother's the yeah the athlete yeah exactly yeah so this it is that it's it's um like comparing myself to it less i have a um group text called sisters nieces cousins which is just all like my aunts and female cousins and this this is like the the biggest group of readers you've ever met and and there's always like have you read this did you read that i have this on hold at the library and i always you know this is a very um i until recently until the last like three years i felt very i don't know out of the loop yeah and now i'm like did anyone read blah blah blah and it's really great it's great i'm in Did you read The Five Star Weekend before?

4:16I read it like during. Oh, great. So I read it, I got cast very late. I was like the week before we started shooting. I mean, I'm saying the week, it was like days before we started shooting. So how did that work? It was like I was getting scripts and I was reading the book at the same time, which was very confusing. I bet. Because it's just different enough. It's different, yeah. you know that it's like it's almost like if it was wildly different it would be easier to remember but i would reference something and the other actresses or the writer or whatever would be like that's in the book that's not enough like yeah yeah right right that's the book okay this is a little different here so i don't know i mean i i was glad i read the book but i don't know if i would have recommended that to myself in the future to like be reading it as i'm reading the scripts yeah it's just a little that's almost like too tough to parallel past yeah yeah exactly exactly Exactly.

5:09Oh, no. Go on. Jeez, I'm just chatting. Just go for it. This is what we do. We just chat. You have to. But my older sister, Lainey, is a huge Ellen Hildebrand fan. And when I FaceTimed her to tell her that I had booked this job, she reached out of frame and she held up the book. She's like, it's on my coffee table right now. Yeah. She's like, it's one of her favorite books and favorite authors. Did she give you any voice on your character, basically? Yeah, she did. I mean, she really was... I didn't know the world either, like the Nantucket world. and she's read all of Ellen's books and she really um also just it's exciting when you can like do something that your family yes loves oh you know whatever that may be a kid's movie or whatever it is it's like fun when you're like this one's for you yeah that's so fun yeah well I really think you met when I was watching the show I just I loved the specific energy you brought to your character just you just the like humor and the sort of whimsy and maybe actually we can talk about to start off yes please the same one by anna conkle because i feel like that also does such a good job of like bringing the heaviness and the lightness together i do tell me what you love about that book oh this book this book this book okay so this is the same one by anna conkle who you may know i'm talking to you the audience from um i almost just said from five star week from pen 15 and many other things she's like an amazing actor and writer um and a buddy of mine do girls say buddy yeah we can't agree my butt she's my bro yeah um but it's funny oh my gosh it's such a weird thing to read a book written by a friend especially in like we are friends but we're not we don't know each other that well so now i know her so well i told her this at dinner the other night i was like i'm we i know you so much better than you know me i know you know you don't know anything about like my childhood and now i know everything about you which is just like a little off balance but um i just think she is such a unique and fantastic writer this story um like killed me i mean i'm like laughing she's so funny i really related to this like weird little girl with like an amazing sort of you know imagination and make believe life and she she had like a tough upbringing with her parents that kind of like splitting up and getting back together and splitting up and you know she sort of had to be the parent to both her parents and it's such an interesting relationship with both her mom and her dad um but this book like i don't cry a lot at books and i cried a lot during this book interesting yeah yeah it really oh i'm gonna cry right now yeah yeah she i there's just something like i just felt a lot of empathy for her yeah it's really she's very vulnerable and I'm always I find it so much easier to if I don't feel like I'm being clobbered over the head with the sort of emotional depth because of the levity that's when it really catches me totally I think that's so well put it's like when something is clobbering you over the head with it it almost does the opposite of yes exactly a bit like all right yeah exactly so this one is like I couldn't even tell you what it is that made me so sad but sometimes I'd have to like stop for a while.

8:27This is a book that I listened to and depending on how you take in books, I would almost like recommend listening to it because she really performs it in a way. I told her, I was like, you're going to, I don't know if there are awards. There are actually, there are awards for, for audio books. She should win. She, it's like the performance of a lifetime. She plays her dad, she plays her mom. I know them now. Even her husband who I know, I'm like, I know you better now. You know, the first time she like drops into her dad voice, I was almost like, uh-oh, what are we doing? And then, I don't know, a minute later, I was all in.

9:04I could like see him. I could see, it just was, oh, I loved it. I loved it so much. And yeah, it, you know, do you savor books? Like when you're loving something sometimes. Take your time with it. Yeah, that was one where I was like, maybe I'll not do this one today. Yeah, give yourself some breathing room on it. I think she just writes like girlhood so well as well. Like the chapters about camp where that one, when she was talking about camp with her friends, I just like sleeper ray camp is so foreign to me as a British person because we don't have it in the same way. But just, I don't know, it was so evocative and so relatable and those dynamics and the way they play out.

9:47Totally. And it really, she had, I mean, she's able to do this. She and Maya are able to do this on Pen15 so well. And it really does. If you're a fan of Pen15 and you read this, you'll go like, oh yeah, of course. Or I guess the other way around, if you read this and then you go and watch Pen15. Like the way she did, I mean, when I watched Pen15, I was like marveling at an adult's ability to even like remember these things, you know, like they would put things on screen that I was like, oh, I know this, but I haven't thought about this in 20 years or whatever. And I felt the same way reading this.

10:23Like she was, you know, I don't know if she was like keeping diaries or how she, I'm always like kind of blown away by people's memories when they write memoirs. Like if you didn't keep a journal, how the hell are you able to remember all of this stuff? Must have to like interview a lot of people. I actually remember when Jay Ellis came on, I asked him that and he'd spoken a lot to his parents and gone through books. but memory is also so weird, right? It's not accurate, but it feels so true. And then, you know, it's difficult. I didn't like what you said, Odin pauses, about the future. This is the love story of real hinge couple Odin and Edward, written and read by me, Curtis Garner.

11:04Listen to the free audio book now. Chronic migraine, 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more, can make me feel like a spectator in my own life. Botox, onabotulinum toxin A, prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine. It's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month. It's the number one prescribed branded chronic migraine preventive treatment. Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection causing serious symptoms. Alert your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness can be signs of a life-threatening condition.

11:39Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue, and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms, and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, including ALS Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis or Lambert-Eaton syndrome, and medications, including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com, or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more.

12:08thing i know and i am more than anything i mean i could have i picked these four books okay so i think the idea is like maybe four of your favorite books four of your whatever i was like let me just do four of my favorite books that i've read this year yeah because that it was i was too overwhelmed but i also could have done four of my favorite memoirs that i read this year i can't stay away from those things they're the best to listen to as well i think when the person like lena dunham's memoir I listened to and I was blown away when the person is reading it themselves it's it's or Michelle Williams is reading it oh my god but um but uh I like you know I'll do like two or three memoirs in a row and then I'm like do something else like make yourself read you know so um uh but the but but yes Anna Anna really blew me away I've been recommending it to everyone And I just love it.

13:00It's amazing. And it's actually kind of a theme in a few of these books when you think about Hello Beautiful. And with Hollis and her daughter on the show, it really captures the trickiness of realizing your parents are just regular humans. And it's so relatable. And it's so, you know, like you either figured this moment in your life out when you were a kid or a teenager in your 20s. Or at some point it hit you. Oh, for sure. And it's like you can almost like never go back. No, you can't. Right. When was your moment?

13:36I'll just imagine I just pause for the next 10 minutes going, hmm. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. It's hard as an exit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have a specific one? I think it was definitely in my 20s when my dad was going through some health stuff. And I just remember being like, he's being an insane person. and then just being like, oh yeah, he's not, he's, of course, he's not being a rational operator right now and that's okay. And like, and, and I think moments like that, I mean, I was lucky, my parents are very like, they're kind people. And so I never had anything in my childhood where I was like, but actually, no, that's not true.

14:12My mom was, got very, very poorly when I was 13, mental, mental health wise and was nearly sectioned. And I remember just being like, why can't she get up? And obviously now I'm like, I totally, but you know, right. That, But also having empathy as an adult for your adult parent or whatever, your 30-year-old, 40-year-old parent at the time, being able to sort of look back and go like, oh my God, how did they do it? How did they do it? My mom having like four kids and staying home. And then when my little sister was in elementary school, she was like, I'm going to go get my degree. And I mean, how did she do that?

14:49And she probably missed a water polo game of mine and I was probably pissed off or whatever. and now like looking back you know I'm like that she did it all I know it's quite remarkable yeah it really is but no I thought it was I agree that you should listen to this one it's because hearing Anna read it is so it's it truly is like a brilliant performance I think I just think she's such a unique is such a unique writer I like I really feel like you are looking inside of her in this and in like the most amazing way yeah it's such a it's really wonderful do you think she would ever adapt it for tv i was wondering that i mean i don't know yeah she could she could but i'm like i want her to play all the roles i know literally i mean she's just it's always funny when like a beautiful actress is also just like the most fantastic character like old man character actor you've ever met you know like she just happens to be like a beautiful actress yeah but she's really like a craggly old like yeah 90 year old man i love it she's really she's just she i feel like she can do anything she's incredible and then also can write a goddamn book i know I mean, I'm so in awe of people who can switch like genres with their art because I don't feel like I could.

15:58No. It's very, very impressive. When I was researching around this, like Anna said that she felt writing this book wasn't really a choice. It just like had to come out at some point. Doesn't it feel like that? Yeah. I feel that. Totally. Have you ever had a creative project like that? You know, this is like not on the same level, but I have done improv comedy for like 20 years. And improv to me is like, I don't think that people consider it like high art, but I think it can be like really magical and amazing. And there is, you know, okay, okay. So like during COVID when we weren't doing shows anymore and there was, I was kind of like in a moment in my life and in my career where I almost was like maybe that side is done.

16:47Maybe like when we come out of this COVID thing I won't do improv anymore and maybe that's okay. And then like maybe my time is done there or whatever. And then for whatever reason you know doing my first improv show back after COVID I was very clear like I will do this for the rest of my life. I need it. It's like doing a pickup game of basketball. You know what I mean? It's like Like I can't, I can't, I mean, it just, I truly like, I feel like I spin out a little bit when I'm not doing it. It's like a release. It's like, if I haven't done it for a long time, I don't feel as like alive or creative or something.

17:25Interesting. How do you feel after an improv performance? Well, okay. It's interesting. I feel, okay. Okay. Okay. I've had this realization recently. Again, I've been doing it for so long that I almost am not doing, I'm almost only doing it for me and the people on stage. at this point like like i i um i yeah i was almost like oh i i i don't even want anyone i don't even want to be watched and i know that's not really what it is because it's on stage but it's like i'm having a experience with these other five six people on stage that is unlike anything else i could possibly do it's so unique and strange and and again like when good magical and um and afterwards I'm like I just got to laugh on stage with the eight funniest people in the world for two hours yeah this is this is why I'm alive do you is there a risk associated as well like does it ever feel scary it does but I mean it is inherently scary because it's you go on stage not knowing what you're going to do yeah but I think that I used to feel that way more and at this point I've been doing it so long but mostly I'm like doing it with such amazing people that I'm like, well, we got each other.

18:38We're safe, yeah. Yeah, and there's almost even, having done it for so long, there's almost even a, if it goes off the rails or if it goes bad, like what a fun challenge to try to get it back, you know? Yeah, interesting. It really is like an exercise. It's so joyous and fun. And I can't believe like how many hours of my life I will have spent doing improv and not regretting it. Does the tone of the audience have a shape how it feels on stage? Sometimes, yeah, sometimes. and sometimes you know um that can be good or bad like sometimes if they're quiet you're gonna work a little harder to like get them on your side or whatever but but also yeah it can it can if yes it definitely does it definitely does a show can be more chill with a more chill audience but also sometimes the opposite um and yeah there's there it's just it's like pure pleasure wow I think it's amazing so it's I'm like why would I not do it yeah yeah very very cool I mean I'm doing a show tomorrow night that's exciting where is that at um the bell house in Brooklyn oh yeah okay that's exciting and are you on stage with people with friends of yours yeah so I'm doing a show with Josh Sharp and Aaron Jackson who wrote one of my favorite books called The Astonishing Life of August March which I totally recommend it came out like a month into COVID it didn't get enough love it is brilliant it was the year it came out uh we have like this little um family end of the year top 10 list and it was on everybody's top 10 list for favorite book of the year my whole damn family i want to actually revisit i don't i don't reread a lot of books and i i gotta reread that one it's it's truly beautiful oh my god you have to read it i love that you have a family top 10 list i know that's is that pressure tv books podcast podcast oh yeah and do your family always put one of your projects on they do i feel like they do feel like and of course you know i'm like you know how to do that but then it's also funny when they don't yeah no totally that's what i'd be like i'd be like you don't need to do that but if you don't yeah that will be a message yeah yeah exactly it will be clocked that's so funny oh that's brilliant well maybe next we can talk about tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow okay i loved this book you I did, okay.

20:49Yeah, tell me what you love about it. So, okay, so this is a book that was recommended to me from so many different places. And, you know, I think I like read the synopsis and I was like a book about computer, or like even this, I'm like computer games, about video games. I'm like, probably not for me. And then it just appeared in my, a friend sent it to me with no, with no, I didn't know who it was from. It just appeared in the mail. And I was like, well, so many people have recommended it to me. I don't even know what it is. And then a few weeks later, I got a text from my sweet friend, Abby Jacobson, who you should have on the show, another author.

21:31And she was like, did you get my book? And I was like, that was from you. And so then I was like, okay, I feel like enough people that I really trust and respect have recommended this book. So, I mean, I think I love a book. actually Hello Beautiful is the same. I love a book that rotates like who the narrator is. Yeah, different perspectives. Yeah, I find that like really exciting, I think. And, you know, it's just like, I love being able to kind of see things from a different perspective. And I love it when they rehash the same scene from a different angle or whatever. And this, I love getting to know these characters.

22:13Sadie and Mauser and Marx. yeah there's just something about like sadie and mauser's sweet relationship that like you know started when they were kids an unlikely friendship yeah totally there was this you know like longing and love that wasn't romantic but it kind of was but it wasn't and it never could be but couldn't it be and yeah you're not really rooting for them but you totally are and you just want them what you really want is for them to like be friends totally and whenever they're not it's the type of you want to just be like hey can I talk to you guys let me let me clear this up I know you love each other yeah you're best friends don't don't like throw this away no and every time I'd read one of their perspectives they'll be like well they're right and then I'd read the other one I'd be like well they're right yeah I just thought it was incredible yeah so well written and I loved hearing about mauser's mom and that storyline and and um i don't know i just i just was kind of blown away by it yeah it was and i it was one where i was like oh this really is living up to tell everybody's recommendations i i felt the same i was like it was one of those books where when i read it i was like and then i was like okay i know i know i'm trying to think of like where it really i don't i i actually like i don't know how you feel thinking back on books especially ones that i haven't just read they all get a little fuzzy yeah and i'm like not sure Or even, especially ones that where they, you know, this one starts off in the, not present, but not the full past.

23:45Yeah. There's a little bit of bopping around. But I just love these characters and, oh my gosh, one of the best for them. And yeah, this was, I feel like this is sometimes with movies too, where I'm like, can I talk to you guys? Yeah, I know. Well, I'm so excited for the adaptation. I am too. I can't wait. Dizy and Jones. Yeah, it's going to be fabulous. It's going to be great. I know. I'm excited. how do you like I you're such a reader do you are you excited well I guess I know the answer because you just said it but are you excited when things are made into movies and tv shows yeah in general yeah I don't I'm not one of those I think I like it when they take a swing yeah me too with an adaptation I'm like don't play it safe totally and I'm almost like even yeah I'm with you and I guess occasionally you're like well geez that was not nowhere near as good as book but even when I don't know I know there was something recently where it didn't hit the level of the book but I but I was still like grateful for it yeah totally I just think also there's so much in that book that I want to see like I loved the LA of it all the setting and I watched here I felt like I was in that world I know and I loved the dynamic with her and Dove the or Dove I don't know how you say it the professor who you know was always having relationships with his students who's gonna play that character I don't know but it's also I thought it was just handled with a really deft touch in the sense of it it didn't fall into sort of like straight moral tropes of like victim and like harasser it was this sort of like it was messy and hard and yeah yeah that's really well said and and the characters are like you're rooting for them you're mad at them yes you know they're like being foolish they're you know they're being stubborn yeah they're holding grudges for years at times right exactly i also was reading this in la and where i live is so close to where mauser grew up and it was i had the feeling of like i want to take this book and go to his street and read it like on a bench on his street that's like how you know it always kind of is trippy to me I think especially when you live in New York or LA or London where where you're reading a book about the city you're in for sure but that's right it's right there it's right there and I loved the like east west like poverty and wealth kind of contrast and how that that played out and one thing that I thought was it there was the line where they talked about how for Sam greatness means popular and for Sadie it means art and I wonder where do you fall on that scale it's hard it is hard the longer i've been doing this the more i realize it is art because the the popular thing is like so out of your hands and it's that's so true what yeah like i've done projects that have been so fulfilling artistically for my life for friendship I wouldn't trade them for the world and like no one watched it or it wasn't a hit or whatever and I don't regret it at all I don't even care almost so I've sort of realized like like it's for me it's really about doing on the day yeah doing the thing on the day and then it comes out and it comes out like with five-star weekend I had never I don't think I'd ever been in anything that dropped all at once.

26:52And I remember thinking like, I don't know, if it hits on the wrong day and they move on to the next thing next week, who knows if it will be a blip or if it will be a hit. And I just had the best time making it and I fell in love with these women so hard that I hoped people would watch it, but I honestly, I don't know if I should say this or not, but I didn't care. I'm glad they did. And I'm glad we get to make more. So glad. No, season two. When are you going to film that? I think in... I didn't like what you said, Odin pauses, about the future. This is the love story of real hinge couple Odin and Edward, written and read by me, Curtis Garner.

27:34Listen to the free audiobook now.

27:48headaches in adults with chronic migraine. It's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month. It's the number one prescribed branded chronic migraine preventive treatment. Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection causing serious symptoms. Allerge your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness can be signs of a life-threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue, and headache.

28:15Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms, and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, including ALS Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis or Lambert-Eaton syndrome, and medications, including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com, or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more. The winter? Spring? Do you have any sense about what's going to happen for Brooke? I don't yet. Ooh! But I think she, I do think it will be like, you know, with Brooke, she's discovered this like completely new side of herself.

28:57She's going to not be married anymore. She's like, I almost feel like there might be some like messy teenager stuff where she's like messing up and, you know, like hooking up with the wrong person. I mean, I'm, I guess making it up. I don't, I don't know what they're going to do, but I do feel like there's no world in which Brooke like has it all together no no yeah I completely agree it's definitely going to be like an experimentation yeah yeah finding feet totally totally oh it's so exciting she's yeah she's so like unexperienced really and in the world and I think now the difference of her being herself for the first time kind of ever is huge and inexperienced thing knowing what she wants which I think is such a common thing for so many women and obviously in this case it's about her sexuality but with so many of my friends I feel like I'm 37 like we're having these conversations where a lot of them are like do I do I really want this or do I just like think that I should have or I think that is so normal yeah just you go through life with like not even like strict rules just like this is how you do things and then you hit that age whatever that is 30 35 where you kind of are like oh I actually can make up my own rules a little bit exactly and then suddenly you're like do I need to be exactly what makes me actually literally happy yeah and then I don't know it it's and maybe like more now than ever I I think maybe I hope like like we're a little more free to kind of make up our own rules but it is um kind of like exhilarating to have that realization yeah yeah I don't have to do it that way totally and you do really do need your friends to like push you to that brink and go just step out totally i mean it's funny with my husband before we got married we were both like didn't really want to get married yeah i didn't really believe in it and we had this conversation i remember like walking down the street on the upper west side one day one night about like how we kind of thought marriage was so silly like what what is it you just like sign a paper you shake hands you're like i promise and we were making fun of it and that was like the night we realized we wanted to get married does that make sense yeah it was like we kind of we're like oh well we can actually make it whatever we want it exactly yeah and yeah that's like seeing it from the problem from every side and being like well I can think that and still want to do yeah like whatever it is that's so fun it's interesting I mean one of the themes in tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow as well is that tension between friends and colleagues and you know I feel like people are trying to help Sadie and Sam or Mazur feel trying to understand their relationship and I think at one point someone's like Sam's not your friend and it's like it's not as black and white and that but I do think that work friendship is there's nothing quite as like hypnotic as it in your 20s and 30s and I wonder what your experience like that has been and if you've ever had any experiences that have felt difficult or just transformative I mean I've been lucky to like work with a lot of friends yeah um like going in my I got my like start on tv because my dear sweet friends abby and alana made broad city and they just they put me in it they put me in the pilot the pilot scene got cut they put me in another scene like they just kind of kept putting me in the show and kept writing me back into it and like so and it was so magical and amazing and such a gift and so incredible to get to see them do what they do so like it was almost like start you know that was such a um it was like I was doing comedy doing improv with all my friends and then the next step was we were all on broad city together so it felt like okay so what you do is you work with your friends yeah and that's like the way the best way to do a career which I think has been amazing and really helpful and I've had the like luck and opportunity to get to work with a lot of friends but then also at the longer I do it I'm more like with this show for example I didn't know any of the actors I didn't know any of the writers this was like a new a completely new group the five-star weekend was like 100 new group and it has been so amazing and fulfilling and so there's there's I guess both have their pluses and minuses honestly like I I feel like I've been really lucky but but I know as in with this book like not all friendships are like made for working together no totally and it's you know it's hard and it's so sad yeah it really it can be sad and it can be hard and it can be a grief when something changes but I also think like you just like are bonded in those trenches together and once you do you're like lockstep one of my best friends is a woman named Jen Stadsky who made hacks oh very cool and with paul and chia who are also dear friends of mine um came up with together at ucb um but jen and i worked together on the good place she was one of the writers and we were just like in it together and you know it was such a an amazing experience to do together as friends yeah we both like look back on that time it's like oh you can't not like you never get it back but it's like we just got to work together every day that ruled totally now we're just like grown-ups doing other things you know like it it is um it is special when it's like yeah working also another best friend brandon scott jones we've worked together a bunch and he's one of my favorite people to improvise with and and we've done so many comedy shows together on stage and so anytime we get to like be on a set where we're like being professional people together we're kind of like we scammed him we scammed him yeah tell me about that nobody wants this cameo because that's so fun so fun was that just one of those like shall we just do this for a day yeah it honestly is like that is kristen bell being kristen bell and she's so she's amazing and she loves her friends and she wants to hang out with her friends and it really honestly was like a text being like do you want to do this and i'm like yeah sure and she was like great okay i'll send you the information i mean it was it was almost like the feeling like again you know 15 years ago of doing like a like a comedy web series with a friend where they're just like here's the information bring a costume yeah amazing right and it's like this gigantic netflix show that obviously you know has a lot more to it but but the way she treats it is just like great i want to be with my friend so come do it and then it was just they kind of kept bringing me back and it was really fun that's so fun that group i love yeah i mean they that's that show has really captured something as well yeah yeah but i mean it must have been so fun doing the good place together and in those years as well because like that really captured the attention that one is special yeah so special I love it I love that show you know it's like so special to me that I like can't even really revisit I'm interested I'm sure I will someday but a lot of people talk about how that is a show that they like to sort of comfort watch and watch over and over and over and I haven't watched it since it was like on air and even that I probably watched a little bit like this because it's like stressful to watch yourself but I feel like with distance I should I should binge it but it just like actually makes me a little sad yeah because I love it well that's yeah it's it's a hard thing isn't it revisiting something like that but I'm sure there'll come a point where you just want to sit down and it'll feel amazing yeah one other thing that I wrote down that let's Sadie says at one point where she's like she's talking about success and she talks about how after I think their first game she was like she thought she'd arrived at then and she realized life was always arriving.

36:35Have you, do you ever feel like that in your career? Yeah, I think that is, do you do? Yeah, totally. I guess depending on like what industry you're in, I think with what we do, there's like the ups and downs, the yeses and no's, the highs and lows. I mean, truly it's like for every huge success, there is the next day like a failure that maybe nobody knows about, but you know. Yeah. And so, yeah, it never quite feels and there's always like a different list you're not on or party or whatever, however you want to look at it. Like there's always the next step. And honestly, sometimes when you get to that next step, you're like, oh, I wish I didn't know about this.

37:17Totally. I'm going to know this is here. That's I completely agree. So then when the next thing doesn't hit as hard, you're not at that, you know, it's just this, this like constant struggle with, I guess, I guess like self-worth and, and if, if you should put your career success as like the number one thing or if it's just going to keep harming you. Yeah, that's a hard one. I mean, it is. Yeah, it's, it is really difficult. I think of it as like when we were younger, my dad used to make us do these like on holiday, big walks up big hills with my whole family. And like you think, oh, I've just got to get to that next crest.

37:55And then when you get there, you're like, oh, there's another bit. There's another bit. And it never feels like you're away. You're always at the face with the hill. Right. And it kind of I think careers feel like that. So exactly right. Yeah. Yeah. And it's brutal. And you do have to find a balance. But then I don't know. It's it's yeah, it's hard. But it's hard. Yeah. and the balance is hard because you want to if you're driven if you're like yes if you like to work if you like what you do like there is this sort of like constant striving for the next thing or the next bigger thing or whatever and I think this realization that I've had recently where it's like I actually only care about the day I'm the thing I'm doing on the day that has really helped me that's so small I mean it's also good to have goals and to be like I want this and I'm gonna to aim for that but I don't know I think I've really I have really enjoyed or like had a had a a more calm time in my life realizing that yeah I can't really control the next you can't control the the way it's received I think that a lot with I have a friend that's got a book coming out and I can tell she's freaking out about it and I just it's it sounds so cruel to say but ultimately what I'm trying to impress upon her is that like the book can be brilliant you can make every right step and it might and it sounds terrible to be like it might it might not take off in the way you want right now but it doesn't mean that you did anything wrong it's just like the world is it is unpredictable yeah and I think you know social media is like such a um mystery to so many of us even even you know it's like ever evolving and you never know like what's the thing that's gonna hit or whatever and and there's this new level of like this I'm sure for authors having to like or musicians or anyone having to like do the social media side of it like me now on camera, never wanted to be on camera in my life.

39:34How does this happen? Yeah, exactly, but you just have to, and then - Move with it. To write a book, I can't imagine the undertaking. I know it's like hell on earth and probably amazing, but just like so much work. And for that to kind of go unnoticed would be devastating. Devastating. I think your advice is correct. You just want it to be fair, don't you? And it's there the realization that it just might not end up being fair the way that it shakes out, which is a hard thing. But I think as you get towards the end of your thirties, you're a little bit like meh. Yeah, and like, hopefully you enjoyed the process and hopefully you got something out of it.

40:03Exactly. Yeah, and you can be proud of it. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Well, let's talk about Even the Good Girls Will Cry. Okay. Which is a memoir that you brought with you as well because you have a signed copy. Hello. Very exciting. I just felt like I had to bring it. Yes. So this is Melissa Offdermeyer's book. She, I mean, I went to like a reading, you know, and it says, Darcy, I love bass. Oh. The bass player for Hole and for Smashing Pumpkins. yeah she's so cool I mean okay so as like a 90s kid pre-internet really getting to have like an inside behind the scenes look at like some of my favorite bands and moments in that era was so satisfying and wonderful and like I just I could not I could if this had been 600 more pages I would have like read every bit I just um I love it's like it's such a good she's not like gossipy but she's telling her she's telling yeah she's like she is telling stories she's like unapologetically telling stories from her life and you know that you read some memoirs where you're like juicy yeah and in a way this is but not in that way where it feels like gossipy juicy it's more just like oh my god I get I get to know this I get to be in on this secret um it was just like yeah I would say for my little like alternative grunge heart it was very it was just it like really took me back to that time in my childhood or whatever where where this was all I cared about was like you know yeah yeah that's so far I mean I did read I think you did an interview actually with bustle where you spoke about how you cried so hard on the day Kurt Cobain died that you nearly missed your basketball game that's so funny what a funny yes I did I cried so hard that my yeah I okay so yes that's right I cried so hard on the day Kurt Cobain died I had a basketball game that night my best friend Lindsay's mom like took me off the court and took me into the bathroom and cleansed my aura stop like how what how so how old were you like i was like maybe 12 like 12 i'd say how did she cleanse your something okay imagine this is my body it she like did some energy work and i was like yes i really was like into it i whatever yeah i'm sure her daughter my best friend would be like mom don't cleanse her aura but i was always um that my best friend lindsey is one of three daughters, three beautiful, amazing daughters.

42:46And I was sort of like their fourth adopted daughter or whatever and I was always, you know, like making, if they were mad at their mom, Pam, I would always be like, don't be mean to her. And they'd be like, shut up. So this was definitely one where they would have been like, Pam, don't cleanse her aura. And I would be like, I really want her to cleanse my aura. Oh, I love that. And did you make it back on the court? I did. Good for you. Wipe my tears away. Played one for Kurt. Yeah. I feel like the way like a preteen girl would be obsessed with boy bands, I was just obsessed with like Eddie Vedder and Courtney Love.

43:18That was really my, you know, and again, in like a pre-internet world, we weren't getting like inundated. It was sort of like you found the bits of information where you could find it. Maybe like an article in Rolling Stone or there wasn't, you know, there wasn't a lot. You'd wait and search. So again, this book is just like an inside peek at that. like my my name Darcy doesn't have an apostrophe in it but I put it in because of the Smashing Pumpkins because Darcy Retsky has one in her name and so like the fact that this is like whole and you know so much about the Smashing Pumpkins and just I don't know it's such a special time in my life yeah it's like written for me did anything really surprise you in it well I mean and this is again like gossipy, but I didn't even know she was like, had ever dated Dave Grohl.

44:09And it was an interesting, you know, just knowing like the Courtney love Dave Grohl, I don't know, drama or whatever they have going on. It's like, it was just interesting. You know, Melissa was like really on her own path and she was like surrounded by chaos and seemed to have such a good head on her shoulders and was definitely was like, I don't, almost like I don't want to be involved. yeah you know smart yeah and she's just so wise and and has such like amazing different sides to her personality and a lot of times like you know the bass player or whatever is someone that you almost like don't ever hear from yeah it's like totally mysterious gorgeous woman playing the bass like you're probably not going to like know a ton about her other than what you kind of perceive and it was it's it was so great to like get to know her through this book you know i'm like such a fan yeah yeah whenever I think about sort of 90s grunge or whatever I do think a little bit of Chloe Semeny as well totally were you a fan of Chloe to read this I'm sure yeah yeah were you a fan of hers before working together on that I was I mean truly a fan of all of the women on this show but yes with Chloe it's like it's a funny it's funny to say like I remember watching her movies when I was like in junior high because that makes it sound like she's older than me she's not she's just was in movies when she was a teenager you know what i mean totally so yeah and always so i mean to say chloe 70 is cool is like duh yeah but just she's so unique and she's really always had her own she's like made her own path and she's she's she's an icon yeah truly truly truly an icon and it was incredible to get to know her and see who she is and see that side of her that we're all obsessed with how real it is and then also like get to see kind of like the gooey middle you know like she's just she's like a lover she brings so much to tatum as well i think in terms of the i don't that dynamic of like old friends but then also the kind of how difficult those relationships can be and how wonderful they are in the show she's like so tough but also so vulnerable yes exactly i'm like who else could have done that so perfectly i know and i love I think her and Jen are like an unlikely pairing.

46:25Totally. That works so well. Yeah. And they really work. None of us knew each other. So these are people that have worked together for years and years. And so the way they found that was so natural. I love Hollis and Tatum's relationship and the way Jen and Chloe play those. I think we're – they really – Should she say that about the kisses? Is that weird? She doesn't care. She presses send. This is the love story of real hinge couple Daniel and Roisin. Written and read by me, Rufy Thorpe. Listen to the free audiobook now.

47:32Preventive treatment.